Summer Sabbatical

Well, I've been mulling this for a while, and I just need a break. I've got four precious children and an incredible man who deserve more of my attention than I'm currently giving.

I don't know about you guys, but this whole internet thing can really take over your life if you're not careful... and it can all be for good stuff-- Facebook to keep up with friends (good), homeschool groups online to keep up with schooling objectives and get wise advice when you need it (good), and blogs, glorious blogs to constantly stretch and challenge you, and to learn so very much about our world (also good). But it can eat away at life. REAL life. Life with family, celebrating birthdays and ordinary days. Life with friends, encouraging one another, enjoying jokes and sharing delicious meals. Life with children, teaching and training about God as we tickle and giggle and play family hide & go seek. Life.

I'm not quitting; I enjoy blogging too much for that. It not only gives me an outlet to process and share what I'm learning and taking in, but it also sharpens and challenges me in so many oh-so-wonderful ways.

That said, I just need a break. I'll be back. Maybe at the end of the summer or so. But until then, feel free to look around... through the archives and such, in the right-hand sidebar. Especially the "Show & Tells"-- you'll find so many links worth reading there.

I'll look forward to enjoying many more good discussions with you all about family, marriage, the Bible, and womanhood. Blessings to you and I hope you have a delightful rest of the summer, full of family, friends, and an ever-richer relationship with Christ Jesus our Lord.


[ETA: You can always e-mail me @ MakingHome@pobox.com]

Because I'm a mom and this is my blog and they are just so doggone cute. :-)

Sometimes I just wanna share pictures of the sweetest little people in my life.

I love seeing my kiddos laughing together.

Ethan is now not only a Settlers of Catan player-- he is an addict. And he's good. What I want to know is, who does this before they're even 6 years old???

We sometimes call her "Princess Crazy Hair" because of how wispy her hair is these days. But this pigtailstravaganza puts a whole new spin on "crazy". :-)

And then there's my smiley little Silas. What a precious little guy.

Every now and then, I just have to break into all the discussions and heavy topics and share stuff like this so you'll have a visual picture of what motivates me to do this home and family thing with passion. :-) Thanks for indulging me.

Thoughts on Sheltering

Someone recently asked if I'd expand on my thoughts about rules/relationship and sheltering parenting. [Honestly, the subject has been better tackled elsewhere (Parenting with Love & Logic deals with teaching our children to make wise choices and allowing "affordable mistakes" while they're in our home... and other individuals have tackled these things online in terms of homeschooling far better than I could.). ]

Nevertheless, since I was asked to share, I'll share some from my personal perspective.

SOME OF MY STORY
Growing up, my parents were not repressive and judgmental, but my surroundings were. We were in a fundamentalist church circuit where virtually no pastor/church was "sound" enough for my dogmatic grandfather. Though I was saved at a young age, this environment smothered out the true love for Jesus that can grow in the heart of a child.

Long story short, I went along with my surroundings until I hit age 13, and then I rebelled against it until I was about 16. My parents felt convicted about things and intentionally left the hypocritical environment we had been in (a dying church which they'd been threatened by my grandpa to stay a part of), and sought out a vibrant Christian fellowship. After looking for months, they found it, and though at the time I didn't know why, but I no longer felt the need to rebel. I was drawn to the grace and truth I found among my peers and the families we encountered at this new church.

All that to say, when I was surrounded by rules, I rebelled big time, seeing no need to follow them because in my mind, there were absolutely no *benefits* to following the rules. The people around me all seemed grossly unhappy, personally dreary, and spiritually bored (or even dead). But when I was shown true fellowship, true joy among believers, and a pursuit of holiness-- not for self-righteousness, but out of a true desire to please God-- well, my heart fell in line with that really quickly. "Sign me up!"

What I learned in a nutshell: Christian joy flourishing in faith built on a strong foundation draws the soul toward Christ. An outward focus on rules and "perfection" kill the Spirit, focusing too strongly on the law.

The "world" I had grown up in was dry soil. I had heard about rich soil. They talked as if "this" was it. But it was dry and dead and had almost no beauty growing in it.

ODDLY ENOUGH, THOUGH... ENCOUNTERING A GREENHOUSE
The church we joined also had a HUGE contingency of quiver-full homeschoolers (a group of people which I'd never before encountered-- I'd never known ANYONE with more than 3 or at the most 4 children). Ironically, these homeschooled kids/teens weren't allowed to be in the youth group that was life-changing for me, drawing me deeper in faith. They were kept separate. I'd imagine their parents would have used terms like "wise sheltering" or given examples about greenhouses and flowers and how "until they're transplanted", they need to be "protected".

Problem is, those "plants" that had been completely sheltered didn't develop tough roots, and didn't learn how to feed themselves. Sure, they had knowledge... but they had never encountered others who saw the world differently. They'd never even been allowed to hang out with the incredibly godly public school kids I was challenged by in this youth group-- much less the worldly kids they would have encountered by taking jobs, or in some other way having intentional interaction with secular society. I'm sure their parents didn't mean to set their kids up for failure. Many of these parents are still baffled that their children didn't follow the "formula" they had tried to follow so carefully... and don't understand where things went wrong.

When these protected, secluded homeschooled young adults encountered the real world, with "real" sinners who seemed to be sinning and having a blast, they were fascinated. Without exception, they all fell prey to the appeal of the world, at least for a very long and painful season of adulthood. Many of them have never returned to faith.

THE PROBLEM WITH PROTECTION
Protection is a fine goal.

It's the goal of most people cultivating things. Of course you don't want hail to rain down on your newly growing seedlings. You don't want a bird to come and peck away at the plant you've worked so hard to grow. Yes, young plants need careful protection... but protection is NOT the ultimate goal of raising plants or crops or having a garden. And we homeschooling parents can sometimes forget this. While we may be honestly striving to do right by our kids, we could forget to transplant them until it's too late.

Once they're out of the house, whatever that looks like, we're going to be playing a far less significant role in their lives. So in my mind, the transplanting (for a plant, that means growing in REAL soil in the REAL open air rather than being in a potted plant in a greenhouse) needs to take place once we've given them a good start... probably in the early "teen" years.

TRANSPLANTING
Transplanting may look different for each family... but if we're going to do it successfully, I think we need to do it while we can still regularly offer up some water and fertilizer to encourage them towards godliness.

For example, one family in our youth group had 6 boys whom they homeschooled through 6th grade. From then on, they put the boys in public school. During that time, they played football (undoubtedly being exposed to all kinds of locker room talk) and kept up their studies while being discipled and mentored more deeply by their father. These last 6 or so years in their parents' home were devoted towards FAITH IN ACTION.

Another example: some families (like Voddie Baucham's) follow a three-part phase of raising children-- the obedience/training phase (teaching our young ones to heed our words), the catechism phase (teaching our children the deep doctrines and truths of scripture), and the discipleship phase (teaching our young adults how to put faith into action). So, the early years are devoted towards training in obedience ("Children obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord."), the elementary years are devoted towards teaching children truth about God, His Word, and faith (Deut 6:7), and the last years of parenting are spent with a focus on making disciples. Part of discipling is intentional life-on-life training. In the real world.

Jesus spent incredible amounts of TIME with His disciples-- but He didn't pull out to a cave to spend that time with them. He took them as He was going along in life-- talking to adulteresses, partying with tax collectors, going to weddings, mourning the dead, praying for the sick, pointing out the holiness and generosity of widows and the hypocrisy of the "religious". We can, I think, follow His example by not hiding from the world but doing our best as parents to use the world to continue our children's education.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
That doesn't mean every homeschooled kid should end up in public or private school. It doesn't mean every parent ought to opt for youth group. Or that every kid should work at some secular place like Trader Joe's or Krispy Kreme. But we SHOULD be intentional about letting our kids learn what the world is really like, and even letting them foul up from time to time. (Love & Logic talks about this-- letting our kids make "affordable mistakes"-- mistakes that they can learn from and we can live with.) Essentially, though, our kids need to, for themselves, find God faithful and value Him above what the world offers. And my experience and observations tell me that this doesn't happen when our ultimate goal is protection and sheltering.

OK, so I've shared my perspective on this-- but it's not fully developed and I've certainly not raised teenagers, or even begun to enter that world. So what are your thoughts? Those of you who have raised your children into adulthood? Those of you who ARE raising young adults? Public school moms? Other homeschool moms? What say all of you?

The Best Use of the Time

This verse has been kicking my tail lately-- Ephesians 5:15-16:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Specifically, the bolded part.

The verse makes me ask these three questions: How can I carefully walk in the time I'm given? How can I be wise with the time I'm given? How can I best use the time I'm given?

I've been trying to examine where I spend my time-- in the home-- how am I using my time? While out in the community, how am I using my time? While online, how am I using my time? When my husband's home, how am I using that time? It's hard to do this kind of evaluation, because it (at least in my case) reveals an inefficiency that is easier left alone than dealt with.

WALK CAREFULLY
Just this morning, I was listening to an Alistair Begg sermon (I love him by the way-- his Scottish accent is just like the icing on the cake of his great teaching!) called "Laziness". He talked about how laziness is a character quality that only snowballs in our lives. We are highly unlikely to one day get up and begin being productive and efficient in our every day lives if we have cultivated an attitude of laziness, sloth, and convenience. He compared it (overcoming laziness) to a mountain we have to climb in life-- only it's a growing mountain. The longer we wait, the higher it gets and more difficult it is to climb it and overcome that weakness in our lives.

Now, in comparison to where I was five years ago, I am a much more efficient homemaker, cook, mother, and wife. But I still waste time on the internet, still spend too much time "playing" and end up "playing" catch-up on household duties because I slacked, and still find that I'm not as efficient and hard-working as I ought to be. So I have things I need to be more careful about... for example, being sure I start the day with a hard-working attitude (because I've found that so much more gets done when I start the day that way). And I need to spend more time on the floor with my kiddos, playing and spending time with them in a way that is meaningful for them.

WALK WISELY
More specifically though, on this question of using my time, the verse talks not just about carefully using the time, but WISELY using the time. To me that implies making the most Christ-honoring choices with how I'm using my time. Sometimes, that will mean efficiency but sometimes that will mean setting aside the chores and intentionally "playing" with my children with love and building our relationships at the forefront of my mind. Additionally, it will undoubtedly mean saying "no" to some very, VERY good things.

For example, I've been a part of an online parenting forum for a while. But it's taking my time. Time with my family. It's a lovely place to go to talk with other women-- interesting, funny, godly women-- and yet, it's taking my time. I have other places online that I'd prefer to go with the stint of "free" time I have online... so aside from specific questions I might have or issues that might arise, I've decided not to go back there. It's a hard decision-- my arrow often wants to point on that bookmark. But I'm not going back there to just "kill" time.

But I should specifically say this: in the last year of our lives, going through culture shock, pregnancy hormones and all the rest, that place was a good place for me-- a place of fellowship and encouragement-- so don't hear me wrong on this-- I'm not dissing online friendships or forums or saying it's evil or that everyone else needs to quit or anything else. What I am saying is this: for me, at this time, this is the wise choice for me-- to quit "killing time" at that particular online "place".

MAKE THE BEST USE OF THE TIME
How can I make the best use of the time? It's a hard question to answer. And the more demands there are on our time, the more clear our priorities must be in our minds so that we can choose wisely how to use these moments we're given. But even if we're not always sure of the "best" use of our time, I'm sure for each of us, there is at least something we can do to make better use of the time...

I'd love to hear from each of you. Is this a struggle for you? Perhaps your struggle is the opposite-- maybe you are too rigid and need to deviate from your schedule occasionally in order to be flexible to what God asks of you throughout the day. But I'd be interested to hear how this verse may have specific implications for your life.


[Incidentally, the first day that I recently came across this verse, I went to my bloglines account and found that Randy Alcorn had written an article about it as well. His is VERY challenging and very well worth your time. It's called, "Planned Neglect: Saying No to the Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best". You'll not regret having read his thought-provoking article, even if it does take your time. ;-) ]

I never knew pigtails were so much fun.

Really. I am having way too much fun with my little girl's hair. Just wanted to share.

Meme for May

OK, this "Meme" is long... but I was tagged by mrscjallen (also by Janel, in a similar meme, so I'll just count this one as that), and it's one I've not seen, so I decided to do it and share a little more about myself here. Here goes... and I'll share some recent pictures, while I'm at it.

Favorite person (outside family)? Without a doubt, my dear friend and mentor Angie. She's had the honesty to let me see her imperfection, and has had the guts to show me and teach me from her strengths as well. I owe so much of who I am today to my precious friend.

Favorite food? Carbs. Can I say that? Fluffy white bread, soft buttery tortillas, Cheesecake and quiche crusts.... OK, if I can't say carbs, then I'll say good authentic tacos. There's nothing like a good crunchy taco shell filled with spicy ground beef, tomatoes, sharp cheddar and monterey jack cheese, authentic guacamole, and a little salsa. YUM! I could drool right now.

Quirks about me? What's not quirky about me? I'm a Christian woman but I love movies like Spinal Tap and Monty Python. I'm only 28, but I'm married with four kids. Heck, I've got four kids and still would like to have more--that's quirky, right? I now wear skirts about 75% of the time, and yet I love my pink Converse and if my hair was long enough I'd wear braided pigtails at least once a week. I live overseas and yet I'm still an obnoxious Texan at heart. I am a homemaker (essentially, my "job" is to love and serve others) and yet I struggle with selfishness and laziness, among other less lovely qualities. I feel like I'm nothing but quirks.

How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? (Ask them.) OK, I asked him: Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, hilarious, fun, nurturing, wonderful wife, excellent mama.

Any regrets in life? Yup, some of them I won't go into here. But my biggest regret, in all honesty, is that I wish I would have saved every bit of physical affection for my husband. If I could change anything about my life, I would've made my first kiss be with Doug on our wedding day.

Favorite Charity/Cause? Well, I volunteered at a crisis pregnancy center, and that's the best cause I can think of-- working to save the lives of the unborn by helping those in crisis situations that often feel like there's no way out. Giving them hope, giving them information, and giving them help.

Favorite Blog recently? Hmmm.... Renee at Steppin' Heavenward always inspires me to love my kids more and delight in God's gifts.

Something you can't get enough of? Time with Doug. We spend a lot of time together... but I'm always up for more. We've had seasons of him working away from home and seasons where we worked from home together, and now we live overseas and he keeps a quirky schedule, but we still have time together nearly every evening from about 7:30 on. Nevertheless, I love, love, love spending time with him and would always welcome more of it.

Worst job you've ever had? I think (unless my mom can remind me of something I'm forgetting) that I've always had pretty good jobs... I worked at Six Flags (fun!), worked as a pharmacy technician for awhile (interesting!), worked with developmentally disabled adults while in college (rewarding!), worked at a peanut brittle factory (yum!), helped run a political office in Washington D.C. (what a blast!)... and now I'm a wife and mom. I've really been blessed to have good jobs, I think. And now I've got the best job of all.

What job would you pay NOT to have? I don't really know what this question is asking. Can I skip it? Oh, my husband just explained it to me. I definitely would not like to manufacture creamed corn for a living. Or scrape gum off of the bottom of desktops.

If you could be a fly on the wall, where? Off the top of my head? In the Clinton's home on a night when they're just both home alone together. I've never figured out their marriage... on the one hand, it does look like a marriage of political convenience, but on the other hand, I think he loves her brilliance and I think she really does love him. I'd love to just see how their personal dynamics are when it's just the two of them. I enjoy watching the dynamics of different marriage relationships anyway, but theirs in particular has always fascinated me.

Favorite Bible verse right now? Ephesians 5:15-16:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Guilty pleasure? frozen Reese's peanut butter cups. (But truthfully, I don't feel guilty at all when I eat them-- they are so stinkin good.)

Got any confessions? We're looking into adoption. Maybe Ethiopia, maybe Ghana, maybe a sibling group, but we really wanna. (I just turned my confession into a poem.)

If you HAD to spend $1,000 on YOURSELF, how would you spend it? About $200-300 on books, and then the rest on massages, once a month (or maybe slightly more frequently) until the money ran out. I do LOVE a good massage.

Favorite thing about your house? The layout. It's perfect for our family and for our lifestyle right now. We host groups here a lot and even though our apartment is pretty small, we have a circular walkway that goes from our living room, through our balcony, into the kitchen, into the entryway, and back into the living room... so it flows well for having meals with groups. :) Plus, the enclosed balcony (as noted) is right off of the kitchen and the living room so I can let the kids play out there while I'm working in the kitchen, or nursing Silas or doing something in the living room... it works out so well!

Least favorite thing about your house? No yard for the kids to play in. Boys just really need to run, so it's off to the park for us.

One thing you are bad at? Remembering details.

One thing you're good at? Trying new things/taking risks.

If you could change something about your circumstances, what? I'd have a good friend here in real life to talk to. I'm starting to connect more deeply with one lady, but it has been slow going. I really miss having really good friends that I can connect with face-to-face.

Who would you like to meet someday? Ruth.

What makes you feel sexy? Music. Only certain kinds/songs, mind you. "Wild Horses" by Rolling Stones, "Forever" by Ben Harper, "Glycerine" by Bush, "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews Band, "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, "Fix You" or "Kingdom Come" by Coldplay, "One" by U2. Songs like that.

Who is your real life hero? Randy Alcorn. He's a man who lives his convictions, not only in his writings and speaking, but also in his paycheck, and in the stances he takes on issues. He has put his money where his mouth is and has made his life about the things of God. I really, really respect him.

What is the hardest part of your job? Being consistent for these little lives that are being shaped every day by my choices, my words, and my actions. It's a huge responsibility, even while being a huge blessing.

When are you most relaxed? When Doug and I are sitting on the couch together, talking or watching something, while he rubs my feet. What a man.

What stresses you out? Dumb little details about life. I really can handle big life crises, but (like Bush said, I think, in one of their songs in the early 90's), it's the little things that kill.

What can you not live without? Books. I'm constantly reading and picking up new books... having new things to learn, new subjects to understand, and new issues to grapple with really lights my fire.

Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? I don't know... to answer this question truthfully, I'd have to read the article, and it wasn't linked. But generally, yes and no. Yes, in that we're all kind of self-occupied and talk about the things that interest us (whatever that may be)... and no, in that I think people blog for all kinds of reasons.

Why do you blog? In hopes that something I've experienced or learned can help someone else... kind of my way of being involved in the Titus 2 passing-along of information and encouragement, even though I'm an ocean away from most people who read this blog... and also because I love to write and this gives me an outlet for my thoughts.

I actually started blogging almost two years ago because I was constantly having book ideas, and I'd write about a chapter and then get sidetracked and never finish them. So, finally I decided to just write my "chapters" here, online. I hope that what I write ultimately draws people closer to Christ, encourages them toward love for their families, and gives them more of a desire to discover what plans and purposes God has for each of us as individuals.

OK, so according to the rules, I tag:

TWO NEW-ISH BLOGGERS:

• Catherine R @ Viva La Homegirl- I've enjoyed getting to know her lately
• Shannon @ Seeking to Glorify- A real life friend of mine.
  

BLOGGY FRIENDS:

• Tamara @ Woman of Noble Character- Another friend. One of those that I miss visiting with, face to face.
• Jo-Lynne @ Musings of a Housewife (she's always up for a meme!) -- Oh, snap! She already did it. Well, go read her answers for yourself.
  

BLOGGERS YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER:

• Mary @ Home Steeped Home
  
• Terry @ Ornaments of Grace

And YOU-- if you'd like to participate, go ahead! And leave a link here! :)

Newborn Survival Tips

I have three pretty simple "survival tips" for having newborns... and here they are:

(1) Follow a basic routine: I'm not a J on the Myers-Briggs personality scale, and I don't personally do well with rigid scheduling, but a flexible routine has been a HUGE help and blessing for us with babies. It may not be for everyone, but it most definitely is for us. I've written more about it here.

(2) Use gas drops (simethicone) generously. Seriously, use them as often as you please. I've had doctors in three countries tell me that it does not go into the blood stream and therefore you can use them as often as you please. With little ones who often have burps you can't quite get out or air bubbles they've swallowed, gas drops are a life saver! (TIP: Buy the generic ones at Target. They were 80% less per ounce than the Mylicon name brand version in my hometown in Texas, and work every bit as good.) A friend of ours jokingly called it "quiet juice" because of how much he noticed that it helped our daughter to stop fussing when she had an upset tummy.

(3) Don't form unnecessary habits (always sleeping in the same place; always needing x, y, or z to fall asleep; always holding baby at certain times of day, etc.) ... because then you'll be obligated to keep them up, or else! So if you get into a habit that works for you, that's fine, or that you intend to maintain-- GREAT! But particularly in our family (moving around the world 5 times in the last 2 years), not instilling unnecessary habits in babies is a glorious thing.


What tips do you have for not just surviving-- but THRIVING-- through the newborn period?

A Doll for my Daughter

Here's what I've been working on lately... and I just wanted to share my progress. My daughter's going to turn two in just a few short weeks, and I had been thinking for a while about what to give her. So, earlier this week, I got this hairbrained idea to make a doll for her (without a pattern!!-- who does crazy stuff like this?!), and have been working on it each night this week.

So far, it's coming along well, I think. Obviously, I've finished the shoes, legs, and bloomers (I put the CD next to it so you'd have a reference for how big it is). I'm planning on working generally from the bottom up, thinking that by the time I get up to the face and hair, I'll have figured out all the secrets to making a doll. Hope so! :) Next up is the skirt, which is kind of intimidating... I want it to kind of ruffle and maybe have a small embroidered flower design on it.

Anyway, I'll share pictures of the doll once I've finished. I'll be so excited to see Maranatha's reaction!

Down Days... We All Have 'Em.

I haven't blogged in the last few days, not only because I've been busy and have a newborn, but also because I've had some off days-- the kinds of days that you DON'T feel like writing about. The ones that leave you tired, bitter, battle-weary, and threaten to send you right over that proverbial edge.

But today, even though it's still a down day, I want to write about it. If for no other reason than to broadcast out there that this blogging mama has rough days too.

(Yes, the picture is supposed to be a visual confession of the mood I've been in lately.)

Here are some things that have happened too much in the last few days:

• self-indulgent pity parties in my mind
• kids spilling things about a million times a day
• griping at my kids for doing childlike things (see above) ;-)
  
• moping (no, not mopping-- that would be productive!)
• folding laundry to physically work out my frustrations (hey, I can't be completely lazy- I've still got 6 people to feed and clothe!)
  
• spending too much time reading on the computer
  
• trying to do things in my own strength
  

Here are some things that haven't happened very much in the last few days:

• prayer
• confession of those times when I blow it
  
• admission of my need of God

Wanted to be real... and maybe even engender some heartfelt prayers on my behalf. ;-) Also just wanted to say: down days... we all have 'em!

He slept SEVEN hours straight last night...

... and for some reason, everything is looking particularly wonderful this morning. ;-)

My Hardest Life Transition (So Far)

I have heard many friends talk about how their hardest transition was from single to married (had to learn compromise, teamwork, etc.), or from one kid to two (having to learn to prioritize needs among children), or from two to three children(no longer a one-to-one parents-to-children ratio). I can understand all of these, but even though we're still in the midst of the adjustment to being a family of *six*, I think the hardest transition in my husband and I's hearts and in our marriage was going from being a married couple to being parents when we had our first son.

When you have that first child, so much in your life suddenly changes... and you really *CAN'T* anticipate it. People try to warn you: GO OUT ON DATES. People try to tell you: SLEEP IN EVERY DAY THAT YOU CAN. But you really don't *get* it until you make the transition. Even if you try to implement the things people warn you about (going on dates, sleeping in, etc.), you really don't appreciate them in the same way you will a year later.

Here are some of the things that I remember that hit me HARD with that first couple months of being parents:

• It suddenly began taking us 30 minutes to get out the door. (Nurse the baby, get him dressed, oh wait, he spit up on that outfit, get him dressed again- this time, put a bib on him in case it happens again, grab extra diapers, wipes, burpcloths, etc... then RUN out the door.)
• We didn't have free reign over our schedule anymore. This is the one that (for me) I really wasn't prepared for. Staying up late and sleeping in early couldn't happen (at least not for both of us). Going out just cause we feel like it and walking around for as long as we wanted... couldn't happen without some planning and that previously mentioned 30-minute window of getting out the door. Dropping by someone's house or having someone else drop by yours is all suddenly colored with the attitude and age and developmental stage of this new little person (is he clingy right now? will he cry because he's teething? is he grabbing everything in sight and putting it in his mouth? will I need to nurse him right when they get here?, etc.)
  
• It was difficult to keep our conversations from completely centering around that little wonderful boy God had given us. Granted, that's normal and it's a great part of becoming parents-- falling in love with this new little person. But it does take a while to figure out how to make your marriage a priority above being mommy and daddy.

What about you? What life transition has been (or is being) the hardest for you and why? Becoming an adult? Going to a certain number of kids? Reaching a certain age? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Battling Bedtime?

I don't ever want this blog to be a place for fakery or inauthenticity, and thus, I don't ever want it to seem like I'm one who "has it all together". That's far from the truth. Yesterday, I almost blogged about what a mess our apartment was and what a wreck I was (a dissheveled, unshowered mess as my husband left for work)... but I didn't even have the time to blog about it... that's how "not together" I was. :) The truth is, we all have weak spots and weak moments. But we all have strengths, too. And so, in a spirit of wanting to help other young moms, I want to share something I think we've done well.

So I'll just come out and say it: our kids are all excellent sleepers. And it hasn't been by "luck" as many people implied when we "just" had one or two children (I know all you moms of one or two out there are thinking, "JUST?!?!"). We have worked at it intentionally and made it a priority, for several reasons:

• Health/disposition of the baby
• Time together as a couple in the evenings, from about 7:30/8pm on
  
• Sanity of mom! :)
  

I have heard other moms gripe about this aspect of child rearing (moms who are still waking up with a 2, 3, or 4 year old, or parents whose children get out of bed for that proverbial "glass of water" about 6 times a night), and so I want to openly share what has worked for us. While these things aren't some kind of magic "formula", I do believe that they have each contributed to having three (working on four) "good sleepers" in our young family.

(1) Our kids have all started out on a Babywise routine, and have slept through the night by 5 & 1/2, 8, and 10 weeks respectively (we'll see how Silas does... he'll be 4 weeks old tomorrow and he's doing two 4-hour stretches). We try to help our children have good sleep habits from the beginning. With four very different children (different personalities, body types, weights, and one with reflux), this simple method (eat/wake/sleep cycle at roughly 2-3 hours between day feedings) of helping get an infant into a basic routine has been such a blessing for our family.

If you're a pregnant mom, check it out. If you're an exhausted mom, check it out. If you're just curious, check it out. I've loved it and have found it to be a wonderful tool for our family's rest, health, and sanity. You can check it out here.

(2) Consistent bedtime, with no ins and outs. Occasional legitimate bathroom needs or sickness are acceptable, but anything else will teach their little minds to come up with "excuses" to be out of bed! From about 6-8 months on, our kids are in bed by 8pm and sleep until about 7am. A consistent, predictable bedtime helps their active & growing bodies get the rest they need. And it gives mommy and daddy a built-in together time. Even if we never left the house for an official "date" (which we occasionally do), we have built in that needed time together in the evenings to maintain and strengthen our relationship as husband and wife.

(3) "But what about crying it out?" We have never used the "cry it out" method with an infant. That said, once a child is consistently sleeping through the night and starts waking up, we check for any unmet needs or problems:

• "is she teething?--if so, offer an icee and perhaps some tylenol
  
• "does he have gas?"-- if so, use gas drops. liberally.
• "is an arm stuck through the crib slats?"--if so, gently remove it and console baby. ;-)
• "did something scare him?"-- if so, snuggle and help him calm down.
  
• "does she need her diaper changed?"
• "is she sick?"
  
• etc.
  

Once we've gone through the list of possible needs/problems, and feel confident that all needs have been met (even if it's just that they were scared and woke up needing a quick snuggle), we put them back to bed and expect them to sleep.

Both older boys went through a period of waking up randomly with no needs or problems. In that circumstance, once they have exhibited a consistent ability to fall and stay asleep for the entire night, and their needs have been met, we expect them to sleep at night. It's that simple. So both boys had about three nights of "crying it out" to get back into that normal nighttime rhythm. The first night, they cried for the longest. The second night was less, and the third night was virtually none. After that, they (neither one) have had any night wakings aside from the very infrequent sickness or nightmare.

Some moms balk at "crying it out", but really, three nights of fairly short crying (the sum of which might amount to 2-3 hours total, if that) is a small "price" to pay for the entire family getting the rest they need. Particularly as compared to months or even years of time without a full night's rest for mom or baby.

(4) Two or more children in the same room? Instead of hassling with separate bedtimes, or worrying that they'll talk themselves into oblivion, play Bible stories and God-honoring music on tapes or CDs to fill that time while they're falling asleep! Not only does it help them to fall asleep, but it also occupies their minds with wholesome things. My sons have learned worship songs, memorized scripture, and had the stories of the Bible planted in their minds and hearts during this time between bedtime and falling asleep. A mom of eight recommended this to me, and since we began implementing it, we've never stopped. Our sons love it (they have something neat to look forward to as they get ready for bed), we love it, and I believe God is using that time to teach our sons and draw them to Himself, as they learn to worship and love His stories in those 20-30 minutes as they're falling asleep.


So those are my basic tips for avoiding the "bedtime battle", with little ones at least. Perhaps you disagree philosophically with one of my points. That's fine; I'm just sharing what has worked for us. I'm not attempting to say that it would work for everyone.

We've worked hard to help our children get the consistent rest they need, and because they've always gone to bed at a reasonable time, they happily go to bed now-- it's not work, it's not a fight, and it never has been. And as a bonus, Doug & I have built-in time together in our evenings. It's a blessing for everyone!


Hopefully something from our experiences can bless you, too. Sleep well! :)

Treating Children as Individuals

Confession time: lately, between nighttime feedings, trying to carefully use our pre-made frozen meals, and snuggling with this new little fun person in our family, I've found myself making blanket statements to our three oldest children:

"Go find something to do that doesn't involve bothering each other."

"Everybody just grab a book and pick a couch that someone else isn't sitting on and READ!"

"Go pick a toy and play with it. By yourself. NOW."

And while I realize that these are some of the most difficult times-- transition as a family, lack of sleep, emotional and hormonal upheaval-- and while I recognize that this is merely survival mode... I still can hear myself reminding me, "they are each individuals-- you need to be parenting each one wisely!"

We try to do this normally-- assessing each one and trying to meet his/her needs and help him/her to rein in/fight those things that are problem areas. But I'm definitely having to be more intentional about it in this time of transition. It's so easy to let things go-- but they need me now too. They need me to still meet their needs- and that includes character needs.

The one who needs to be taught that emotions are not for manipulating others. The one who needs to learn to sit still, stop fidgeting and PAY ATTENTION, at least for a few minutes a day. :) The one who needs to learn the joy of focusing on making others happy rather than himself. The one who needs to stop hitting at the slightest hint of frustration. The one who needs more affection normally anyway. The one who needs face-to-face time together. The one who longs to be particularly near me throughout the day. I've got to keep these things in mind, even as I'm adding a new personality and new routine to the mix of our family dynamics.

It ain't easy, but if I can just put it (and keep it) in perspective, it'll be eternally worthwhile.

Falling in Love Again...

Here's the first picture of our new son, Silas, just minutes after birth:He was born at 8:36 pm, Thursday night (March 20). Weighing in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces, he arrived three days before his due date on Easter Sunday. Contractions has been on and off for several days, but started coming on stronger around 5:30pm; we went to the hospital at 7pm, and he was born just 90 minutes later, completely naturally (which is what we had been praying for)!

Proud daddy:
Excited brothers Ethan & Baxter:

SO many kisses from big sister Maranatha:

The new family of SIX:

Praise the Lord for Silas' happy & healthy arrival!

Thoughts on Being Wife & Mother: A Letter to My Daughter

While I'm sharing about childbirth and labor experiences, I thought I'd share a letter about these things that I recently wrote to my daughter, in her celebration book. (I don't really keep a "baby book", per se, for her. I started a memory book for her to record her major "firsts" and anything I or others want to share with her for her to read as she grows to be a young woman.) So here's the letter I wrote a couple weeks ago, as I began to prepare for the end of this pregnancy:

*******

Being a wife and mommy, Maranatha-- there is NOTHING like it!

I'm no expert. I've been a wife for almost 8 years and a mom for almost 6-- but I'm telling you- WHAT an adventure! This silly "modern" world will tell you that 'you can do anything a man can do'-- and to some degree, they've made it so that that's true (although men still have the corner on being daddies!). :-) But here's what they don't tell you: you can do some things, Maranatha, that NO man can do.

If God allows it, you can carry a baby inside your very own skin- feeling his or her little feet and fists and knees draw circles on the inside of your belly. You can lay in bed and marvel at this precious child inside of you in a way that no man will ever know. You can nurse a little one-- and know the joy of being used by God to nurture and sustain the life of a darling little human, created by God in His image.

Oh, and Maranatha-- there are so many things God teaches us through these roles of wife and mother.

1. These roles connect us to God. *When you've literally given up your name and identity to submit and be a helper for the husband God gives you, what a picture that is of how we should be all the more submissive to and identified with Christ! *When you've poured out every drop of energy, sleep, breastmilk, love and attention that you possess for a little person who (at 3-4 weeks old) still doesn't even smile at you-- you have a sense of how much God gives us, though we do absolutely nothing for Him. *When your child is sick or in danger, you begin to comprehend how DEEPLY God loves us. *When you have a second child, you begin to understand how God can love each of us SO intensely, though we are all so different from one another.
2. These roles connect us to Jesus' birth and life. *How sweet it is to have a baby growing inside of you and reflect on what Mary must have felt and dreamed for the baby Jesus in her womb. *How amazing to consider that this young Hebrew girl didn't have babycenter.com or "What to Expect When You're Expecting" or parenting classes at the hospital-- and yet, God gave her a cousin to assist through the labor & delivery of John the Baptist, so that she (a virgin) might be ready for this pain and work of bringing a baby into the world. *How sweet to nurse my babies, inspecting each hair swirl and toe and gazing into their eyes, and try to identify what Mary must've felt as she did these same things, knowing that THOSE hair swirls, toes, and eyes were formed, NOT by two humans' intercourse, but by GOD! * And I don't yet have a 33-year-old son, but I imagine I will one day be able to reflect all the more on Christ's death by considering Mary's anguish as a mother at the cross.
3. These roles connect us to the Word of God. As a wife and mother, we are so connected to these stories of the women of the Bible, and can far better understand so much of the Word of God as we grow as women. *Hannah's longing for a child, *Sarai's quickness to "fix" the problem of not having a son, followed by her rage and jealousy towards Hagar, *Hagar's sorrow for Ishmael, when she thought they would die in the desert, *Rebekah's nature of trickery and manipulation on behalf of her son-- (your love for your children -if you don't submit that to God- can cause sin in your life!), *Rachel's intense jealousy and hatred of her own sister, all over children and jealousy (you'll see when you get to be a mommy one day-- comparisons KILL!), *Song of Solomon--what a wonder it is to love a husband and be able to draw insight from the Word about human and divine love, *Verses that compare God to a mother caring for children or nursing her baby.

Precious one, there is so much this world wants to 'teach' you, and there will be so many things that will vie for your heart and mind-- but I would urge you with all of my heart and mind to seek out the ways of God instead.

Instead of trying to be like a man, be the whole and complete woman that GOD MADE YOU to be! And Maranatha, that may or may not include being a wife. It may or may not include having biological children. It may or may not include breastfeeding. These things are all precious gifts from God, and they are indeed what women are designed for.

But, baby girl, whatever God crafts you for-- do it with ALL your heart and ALL YOUR MIGHT-- as a woman who longs to better know and please God through your experiences in this sinful (but still beautifully created) world.

Don't buy the lies that your worth is found in "breaking down barriers" of gender. Trust the way God designed you and let HIM direct your path. Oh how I love you, precious one. I can't wait to see what God will do with you in your life.

All My Love,
Mommy

p.s.- There are many woman who have been faithful in their service for Jesus Christ who have not known what it is to be a wife and/or mother. And yet they were and are gloriously designed by God and used for HIS purposes. It is not these roles which I seek to praise-- but GOD! His designs and purposes for us are perfect-- whatever they do or don't include. I praise Him for His design of women- married and single alike. He has wonderfully made us!

But I share all of this as a caution for you-- don't listen to the world and its goals for your life. Seek God and HE WILL make your path straight, darling girl. He is faithful; the world is fickle. TRUST HIM!

*******

And I pray God's blessings will rest on you, as a woman, wherever God has you on this path of womanhood. His plans for us are amazing and we will do well to trust HIM no matter where it leads.

Birthing Children, Part Two

This is the second of our "birth" stories... click here to read the first.

ANOTHER BOY ON THE WAY
Though we didn't find out our first son's gender before he was born, we opted to find out the gender of our second baby. We were so excited when we learned that we would have another son. I know many people desire "a girl for me a boy for you and praise the Lord we're finally through"... but we have always wanted more than the average number of children (even from our early days in dating, this was something that confirmed our "rightness" for each other). So having our first two children be little boys that would grow up as buddies so close in age to each other, and who could grow to be young men who will challenge each other in their walks with the Lord-- this was a wonderful thing from our perspective.

"ALL-NATURAL" VS. PRACTICAL DESIRES
After the intensity of the experience of our first son's birth, you can imagine how wary I was to be adamant about waiting for our second son to come on his own... that decision had come back to bite me!

As we discussed our concerns with my doctor (physical, financial, and emotional), he suggested that as long as everything seemed normal and healthy, we could induce a week early in order to avoid the possibility of re-living anything similar to our first birthing experience. We still prayed and asked others to pray for a natural experience, and I believe God answered that prayer-- just not by bringing him on his own. (Heck, I even tried giving a little "help"-- I took castor oil in large doses two different times in the week leading up to the induction date... still, nothing happened except having to go to the bathroom a lot!)

AND SO IT BEGINS
We scheduled an induction (one week before his due date), and I went into the hospital in the morning, and they started the IV drip of pitocin (a medicine that causes contractions) at about 8:30/9am. Contractions began immediately and my body responded well to the medicine. Though my cervix tends to dilate E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y slowly, things were progressing, and by noon, things were advancing quite well.

It was such a different experience from our first... peaceful and quiet, with a young and sweet nurse who made us laugh when she did have to come in, and generally left us alone when it wasn't necessary that she be there. I was able to breathe through contractions and talk with friends and family in between... it was such an enjoyable labor.

Around 3, things were getting intense and I knew it was almost time to push. See, this time, I didn't get an epidural, and I actually *knew* what my body was needing to do. What a difference it made to be able to work with my body rather than feeling like it was the enemy! (And for the record, I'm not saying epidurals are wrong or bad-- they're just definitely not good for me.)

When they checked my cervix for dilation, they found that I had very quickly jumped from a six/seven to a NINE (ten is when you can push)... so suddenly, the scurrying began- getting the tables set up, running to call the doctor, etc. Very quickly (within one contraction, I think), I knew it was time to push. I told Doug, "Tell them I'm pushing-- I can't help it" (hey- your body really DOES know what to do when it's time). Of course, the nurses came in and told me not to push, but --seriously, come on!--what's a girl to do? I kept right on pushing. The doctor sprinted in the room JUST in time to catch his head, and to me, once the head's out, the rest is a breeze. He was born a little after 4pm. He was given to me, and I was able to hold him for a while and just look at him. We were able to nurse right away, and my small tear required minimal stitches.

After nursing, Doug went with him to the nursery and I was able to get down off of the bed, and walk to my room, stopping at the nursery to watch as they weighed and measured him (he weighed 7 pounds, 6 ounces... nearly two pounds lighter than our first).

ABSOLUTELY NO COMPARISON
It's funny-- with as adamant as I was with our first to do everything "natural", here's how it came out:

• required pitocin anyway
• got an epidural (TWO, actually)
• I was in a mental fog and physically in a wheelchair for the first 12 hours, too weak from the entire experience to be otherwise.
  
• Doug didn't get to hold him for 3 days (I held him only for 15 seconds right after birth)
• didn't get to nurse him for 4 days
• in the NICU with medicine and wires galore for 7 days because of infection
  

And with our second, though I was "scheduled" for his birth, the only real "unnatural" thing was the use of pitocin.

• No epidural (I did get a dose of stadol, a pain reliever, the last 30 minutes of labor)
• held him and nursed immediately after delivery
• I walked into the nursery and back to my hospital room on my own
  
• no meds, no interference for him, etc.

After what had been a horribly emotional and trying first birthing experience, this one was completely a blessing... I felt so free and blessed to be able to hold him all the time, to be able to snuggle in the middle of the night in our hospital bed, to be able to check out every little amazing part of his body and stare at his feet, his hands, and his perfect little face.

Though it wasn't technically a fully "natural" experience, it sure FELT like it! And I am still so grateful to God for giving me that contrast and teaching me how different each labor/delivery experience can be. And I'm so thankful for this funny and sweet little man that God has put in our family-- he makes us all laugh and has such a precious personality. He'll be four this summer, and is a delightful son to us and brother to his siblings.

Birthing Children, Part One

Well, here it is... the first of three "about my labors" posts I've been hinting at.

Starting out as a young pregnant woman, I was pretty intense about wanting to have all-natural deliveries. No induction, no epidural, no episiotomy, no c-section, nurse right after delivery, etc. ;-) Perhaps you can already see where this is going. Best laid plans and all that...

BIRTH #1
A little less than 6 years ago, my co-worker had the (audacity?) brutal honesty to tell me I looked as big as a house. And, to be honest, I really did (still, it was rude of him to tell me that, don't ya think?).

We were so broke back then that I had, in my largest stage of pregnancy, run into a Ross discount store and hoped for a good deal on something that would be appropriate to wear to the office. (I had only worn suits prior to being pregnant.) What did I find but a big, purple, big-flower-printed dress? For a ridiculously low price. And nothing else that even came CLOSE to fitting or being appropriate for office-wear in June in Washington, D.C. So, we got the purple dress. I felt like Barney. I hated that dress. Anyway, I really was big. And so was the baby I was carrying, and though I didn't know it at the time, he wouldn't be coming out until I was even bigger.

Back to the labor story. I, being the natural-focused momma that I was, tried everything from driving bumpy roads, to walking like a maniac at all hours of night, to eating strange foods, to "doing what we had done to get him in there, to get him out." ;) Still, 10 days post-due-date, no baby.

So. I was scheduled to be induced the next day, when my water broke at a little after midnight. I called the hospital, and they said that I didn't need to come in until my contractions got bad or 8am, whichever came first. At 6:30, being the eager young mom, after not sleeping hardly at all, we drove to the hospital with virtually no contractions.

Mrs. All-Natural's compromise #1:
Well, by 1 o'clock in the afternoon, I still wasn't having any contractions. This is problematic, of course, because infection could begin to set in if you don't have a baby within 24 hours of your water breaking. So, I said, "OK, give me the pitocin. But only on the lowest setting."

Mrs. All-Natural's compromise #2:
Around 5pm or so, I asked my husband to ask for the anesthesiologist, that it was time for an epidural. He did all that I'd asked-- asking me if I was sure, trying to give me back rubs, etc., but in the end, I ended up with that huge needle in my back and spent the rest of the evening sleeping between contractions that seemed to be progressing far too slowly.

By 12:30 AM, I was finally dilated to a ten, but I couldn't. feel. anything. Dad-blasted epidural. They kept telling me to lift my torso up off the bed so they could do that fancy mechanically-miraculous change from the normal hospital bed to the delivery bed with those terrible foot stirrups. And I was trying, by golly. But I apparently wasn't even up an inch off of the bed. Did I mention that getting an epidural was a terrible decision? Somehow, between me, Doug, and the nurse, we lifted me up enough for them to do the bed transformation.

A little after 1 AM, he arrived.

First surprise: it's a HE! We have a son!!! :-) (We had opted not to find out his gender, which made for a fun post-delivery surprise.)

Second surprise: he didn't start crying. They're suctioning and whispering. Something's wrong. He aspirated (breathed in) meconium (the first bowel movement, which was passed while in utero rather than once he was out of the womb). After more than a minute, he started crying-- phew. I got to hold him for something like 15 seconds before they whisked him away, giving me a whole extra dose of the epidural because apparently I'm bleeding and passing too many clots, and suddenly I'm alone, confused, in and out of consciousness, with the doctor stitching me up for what seemed like hours, because I'd had a serious tear.

Hours later, around 4 or 5AM, I finally woke up (they really must've knocked me out) to learn that my son (who weighed a hefty 9 pounds, 2 ounces by the way) is in the NICU (newborn ICU), has all kinds of tubes coming out of his face, and oh yeah, "he could die" from this. Way to break it to me, Nurse Ratched. I know, medical lawsuits and all that, but seriously-- have you ever heard of a bedside manner?!

The emotional fog and pressure in those hours were (still to this day) the worst I've ever experienced.

In an effort to DO something, I start pumping milk, in hopes that I could still go on to breastfeed, but goodness-- it's been HOURS since the delivery-- is it even going to be possible to nurse him?, I wonder. I learn that they will go ahead and feed him whatever I can produce, but that if I can't produce a certain amount, they will begin formula feeding him after x amount of ounces. Have I told you how much I was determined to do everything all-natural?

RECOVERING
As the fog lifted, and I began pumping, it seemed that the NICU nurses thought *they* were his mother. It was all I could do to make them allow me to be the one to feed him my breastmilk in a bottle, through the li