The Best Use of the Time

This verse has been kicking my tail lately-- Ephesians 5:15-16:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Specifically, the bolded part.

The verse makes me ask these three questions: How can I carefully walk in the time I'm given? How can I be wise with the time I'm given? How can I best use the time I'm given?

I've been trying to examine where I spend my time-- in the home-- how am I using my time? While out in the community, how am I using my time? While online, how am I using my time? When my husband's home, how am I using that time? It's hard to do this kind of evaluation, because it (at least in my case) reveals an inefficiency that is easier left alone than dealt with.

WALK CAREFULLY
Just this morning, I was listening to an Alistair Begg sermon (I love him by the way-- his Scottish accent is just like the icing on the cake of his great teaching!) called "Laziness". He talked about how laziness is a character quality that only snowballs in our lives. We are highly unlikely to one day get up and begin being productive and efficient in our every day lives if we have cultivated an attitude of laziness, sloth, and convenience. He compared it (overcoming laziness) to a mountain we have to climb in life-- only it's a growing mountain. The longer we wait, the higher it gets and more difficult it is to climb it and overcome that weakness in our lives.

Now, in comparison to where I was five years ago, I am a much more efficient homemaker, cook, mother, and wife. But I still waste time on the internet, still spend too much time "playing" and end up "playing" catch-up on household duties because I slacked, and still find that I'm not as efficient and hard-working as I ought to be. So I have things I need to be more careful about... for example, being sure I start the day with a hard-working attitude (because I've found that so much more gets done when I start the day that way). And I need to spend more time on the floor with my kiddos, playing and spending time with them in a way that is meaningful for them.

WALK WISELY
More specifically though, on this question of using my time, the verse talks not just about carefully using the time, but WISELY using the time. To me that implies making the most Christ-honoring choices with how I'm using my time. Sometimes, that will mean efficiency but sometimes that will mean setting aside the chores and intentionally "playing" with my children with love and building our relationships at the forefront of my mind. Additionally, it will undoubtedly mean saying "no" to some very, VERY good things.

For example, I've been a part of an online parenting forum for a while. But it's taking my time. Time with my family. It's a lovely place to go to talk with other women-- interesting, funny, godly women-- and yet, it's taking my time. I have other places online that I'd prefer to go with the stint of "free" time I have online... so aside from specific questions I might have or issues that might arise, I've decided not to go back there. It's a hard decision-- my arrow often wants to point on that bookmark. But I'm not going back there to just "kill" time.

But I should specifically say this: in the last year of our lives, going through culture shock, pregnancy hormones and all the rest, that place was a good place for me-- a place of fellowship and encouragement-- so don't hear me wrong on this-- I'm not dissing online friendships or forums or saying it's evil or that everyone else needs to quit or anything else. What I am saying is this: for me, at this time, this is the wise choice for me-- to quit "killing time" at that particular online "place".

MAKE THE BEST USE OF THE TIME
How can I make the best use of the time? It's a hard question to answer. And the more demands there are on our time, the more clear our priorities must be in our minds so that we can choose wisely how to use these moments we're given. But even if we're not always sure of the "best" use of our time, I'm sure for each of us, there is at least something we can do to make better use of the time...

I'd love to hear from each of you. Is this a struggle for you? Perhaps your struggle is the opposite-- maybe you are too rigid and need to deviate from your schedule occasionally in order to be flexible to what God asks of you throughout the day. But I'd be interested to hear how this verse may have specific implications for your life.


[Incidentally, the first day that I recently came across this verse, I went to my bloglines account and found that Randy Alcorn had written an article about it as well. His is VERY challenging and very well worth your time. It's called, "Planned Neglect: Saying No to the Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best". You'll not regret having read his thought-provoking article, even if it does take your time. ;-) ]

Filling Our Homes With the Word of God

Wanted to share several things that we do in our home to try to center our home in and on the Word of God. Here are some ideas in no real order, just as they come to mind.

- For school, we start with the Bible.

- As we're going about our day, we relate things back to God's Word-- stories that we can learn from, etc. For example, when my almost-4 year old took some candy and was found cowering, facing the corner, eating his candy (he didn't realize that it was OK with me... he just saw me give some to his sister and wanted some, which I was coming back to give him), my oldest son and I talked about how we really aren't any different in our core than Adam and Eve were... knowing that we've sinned or done something wrong still makes us want to hide.

- We buy and find Bible story and scripture song tapes & CDs for the boys to listen to (at bedtime and throughout the day, as they're playing, etc.)

- We listen to the Bible on CD-- we've been buying portions of "The Bible Experience" on iTunes, and I love it-- we can listen to the Word in a vibrant and memorable way-- learn more about "The Bible Experience" here. It not only ministers to me and allows me to hear the Bible in a fresh way, but it also helps my children to hear more of the Word, and my almost 6 year old in particular asks questions about what a word means, or what a certain part means, after nearly every time we listen to it.

- Buy scripture-based music (Sovereign Grace has very theologically and biblically accurate songs that are also uplifting and enjoyable; we also have gotten Scripture memory CDs that are put to kids' music... like Sing the Word from A to Z).

- Family Bible time- nearly every night (we don't do Sunday nights since we've already had a lengthy church time in our home with other families on those days)... this is just a 15 minute (give or take) time where Doug reads through a passage or a Bible story, we all talk about it, and then spend some time in prayer together as a family. Sometimes we also sing or act out part of a Bible story to help "lodge" it in our children's minds. We keep it simple but make it a priority in our home.

- We have TONS of children's books about the Bible: Bible story books, Children's Bibles, long, short, rhyming, informative, etc.

- We watch Bible videos as often as anything else. I'm not against other videos (we love Cars and Incredibles around here)... but we try pour in MORE of the Word than anything else. So, for example, when we noticed that our sons were living, breathing, talking, and thinking about Transformers nonstop, we did a cease-fire of all Transformers cartoons (even though they'd only watched it a couple times-- we're not big TV people)... and it helped correct the saturation of their little minds. We want them to be excited about the Word- not about some dumb show (apologies to all Transformers fans--including my husband-- I'm just putting it in an eternal perspective).

- We memorize scripture passages together as a family. So far, we've learned Psalm 1, the Beatitudes, and Psalm 23. We aren't legalistic about this, but we try to continue learning things together, at a pace so that at least our oldest two children can intake what we're learning.

Anyway, those are some of the things that we do. What do YOU do to keep the Bible at the center of your family's life, interests, and learning?

The Secret to Happiness (Re-Print)

[Note from Jess: I am reprinting this post, from April 2007, as it's something I needed to re-read and take to heart. I hope it will be a blessing to you as well.]

"Nothing betrays our deepest theories more eloquently than our practice."
-R.C. Sproul, Knowing Scripture

There are many Christians who make comments like, "I don't need to know doctrine, I just want to know the practical stuff." The problem with this is that when we don't have a solid foundation, the walls we build aren't sturdy. These "practical" walls are walls that buckle when the winds of opinion shift. When someone else comes along selling a different version of common sense, built not on the Word of God, but on men's opinions, we'll fall for that, because we don't know our faith well enough to tell what's from God and what's not.

This kind of Christian inwardly groans when challenged to begin diligent, intentional study of the Word of God. Sproul called this person a sensuous Christian,

"one who lives by his feelings rather than through his understanding of the Word of God. [This Christian] cannot be moved to service, prayer, or study unless he 'feels like it.' His Christian life is only as effective as the intensity of present feelings. ... He constantly seeks new and fresh spiritual experiences and uses them to determine the Word of God. His 'inner feelings' become the ultimate test of truth."

While Christianity is not merely an intellectual and thinking faith, it is that. We are not meant to enter into faith solely through emotions and strong feeling. We are to approach faith in Christ with our hearts AND brains fully engaged. Sproul puts it this way:

"The Christian life is not to be a life of bare conjecture or cold rationalism; it is to be a life of vibrant passion. Strong feelings of joy, love, and exaltation are called for again and again. But those passionate feelings are a response to what we understand with our minds to be true."

THE "SECRET"
Recently, Oprah and others have lauded a book called "The Secret," which is really no more than an overhaul of age-old New Age and Pagan beliefs. But the Bible identifies something other than following human feelings as the key for happiness. {Edited to add: Check out this clip of Oprah sharing her beliefs about Jesus.}

Sadly, among Christians, and even pastors, we will find advice dispensed that is people-pleasing, but entirely contrary to the Word of God... "Yes, Mrs. Jones, go ahead and divorce your husband despite the fact that you are without biblical warrant, for I am sure you will never find happiness married to a man like that."

"If there is a secret, a carefully guarded secret, to human happiness, it is that one expressed in a seventeenth-century catechism that says, 'Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' The secret to happiness is found in obedience to God. ...How can we be obedient if we do not know what it is we are to obey? Thus, the top and the tail of it is that happiness cannot be fully discovered as long as we remain ignorant of God's Word."

Our happiness rests on our knowledge of and obedience to the Word of God. The more we stray from it, the more our lives will be in disarray; and the more we cling to it, the more our lives, even if full of challenge and suffering, will be characterized by a contented happiness that only God can give.

Most Holy God, give us a desire for your Word. Help us to make it a priority today and every day. Let us hear it and learn it ourselves so that we can teach our children and encourage others with it. Give us a passion to know and obey Your Word.

Being "Sexy" For Your Husband? (part one)

Q: Got this question from a reader (Annie):

Have you considered [writing about] "being sexy", or the idea that married, Christian women ought to make an effort to be attractive to their husbands, whose emotional well-being is so centered in visual gratification (of his wife) and physical intimacy?

A: Absolutely! This is a very important issue for all women, particularly in our generation (when men and women alike are being fed such WRONG images of beauty/sexiness), and particularly in our culture of Christianity (which has taken cues from Victorian-era ethics which greatly undermine the joy & satisfaction in the marriage relationship). So, let's just do a series about it, shall we? ;)

There are several aspects we should consider when looking at this question:

1. Should a Christian wife be enticing or seductive towards her own husband?
   
2. Where does the standard of "sexiness" come from?
3. What is definitely off-limits for Christian marriages?
4. Should there be a difference in our attitude, countenance, and the way we carry our body in public and in private?
5. How important is this in a Christian marriage?

I will attempt to unpack these in future segments (and I'm open to any other suggestions or aspects you all may want to think through... e-mail me @ makinghome@pobox.com , or leave a comment here), but today, let's just look at aspect #1:

"Should a Christian wife be enticing or seductive towards her own husband?"

For this, there is one very obvious place to look, nearly smack-dab in the center of the Bible: the Song of Solomon. I'll highlight some verses from this book and take them, one at a time, and try to glean some things from them about marital intimacy and seduction. (For the purposes of our discussion, let me clarify that I am defining seducing as "seeking to be attractive to" one's spouse.)

First, let's look at some of what Solomon has to say to his bride:

• "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with a string of jewels" (1:10) - She decorates her face and body to attract him.
  
• "Behold, you are beautiful, my love" (1:15) - He finds her attractive. There is no shame or sin in this.
  
• He notices (one by one) her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, cheeks, neck, and breasts and then says, "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." (4:1-7) - Two things to observe about this: (1) He notices her. He sees her face and body and takes pleasure in seeing it, and there is no shame or sin in that. (2) She lets him notice her. She's not hiding herself from him, and she's not ashamed of her body (though Chapter 1 tells us that she doesn't look like every other woman). I have heard so many women who are so embarrassed or self-conscious about their body that they never enjoy intimacy in daylight or any light at all... they have taken to heart the world's messages about what beauty looks like, and it is negatively affecting their marital intimacy. (As I've said before, we're the only godly outlet for our husband's sexual needs and desires!!! God MADE YOU to fulfill your husband's needs in this area!) It is perfectly OK and normal (and even "GOOD", as God declared of His creation in Genesis) for a husband to take visual pleasure in his wife!
  
• "You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace" (4:9) - She is captivating him, enticing him with her eyes... she's not begrudgingly agreeing to intimacy... she's captivating him!
  
• "How much better is your love than wine" (4:10) - He finds her addictive and, one could say, "delicious"!
  
• He notices (one by one) her feet, thighs, navel, belly, breasts, neck, eyes, nose, and head and then says, "How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!" (7:1-6) - This time, he's noticing the rest of her body. He's taking delight in every part of her. And she's letting him. Once again, she's not hiding or holding back... she is open towards him in every way, and he takes great pleasure in this!
  

And let's look at what this bride has to say about her interactions with Solomon:

• "While [he] was on his couch, my nard (a fragrant herb) gave forth its fragrance" (1:12) - She's prepared for intimacy with him... she has put effort into making a pleasant environment for their time together.
  
• "On my bed by night I sought him who my soul loves." (3:1) - This is not just responding or reacting to a husband's desires for intimacy... it reveals a wife who seeks out her husband, who makes intimacy a priority, and who rightly sees intimacy as connected to her love for her husband.
  
• "I held him, and would not let him go" (3:4) - This bride wants her husband's physical attentions.
  
• "Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits" (4:16) - However you read this (and there are a variety of interpretations), she offers all that she has and the best of what she has to her husband. She's not withholding anything good from him.
  
• "My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me." (5:4) - She eagerly awaits the time she'll spend with her beloved.
  
• "He is altogether desirable" (5:16) - Not only does she allow him to take delight in her, but she delights herself in him.
  
• "Choice fruits... I have laid up for you, O my beloved" (7:13) Again, she prepares the best for him. And she prepares for him.
  

I can't speak for you, but after reading just these select verses, it is abundantly clear to me that it is not only acceptable, but it is right and good for a wife to be enticing towards her husband.

Our society and Christian culture (which, as I mentioned, has derived a lot of its sexual "morality" from the rigidity and frigidity of Victorian-era morals) have combined forces to heap shame and guilt and self-consciousness on top of Christian women today, and we have not effectively responded to these assaults. Too often, we allow body image to keep us from opening ourselves up to our husband's visual delight. Too often, we allow the truly sinful aspects of our culture's overt seduction (on display 24/7 on TV, movies, and in malls) to lead us to believe that visual and physical seduction is, in itself, sinful.

We need to stand up and rightly stake claim on what can be ours: pure delight and freedom in intimacy within our marriages! On this first aspect, I must answer this: that, opposed to what our pious "Christian" culture might have instilled in us, it is GOOD for a Christian wife to strive to be enticing and seductive towards her husband.

What say you? How do you see this issue? Is it a struggle for you to see physical and visual pleasure in this way? (As always, since this is a sensitive and personal subject, I will publish anonymous comments so that we can speak more honestly.)


CLICK HERE TO READ PART TWO in this series.

Graphic ("Spring", by Alphonse Mucha) from allposters.com

Family Devotions Play-By-Play

Someone recently asked me how to structure family devotions, so I thought I'd share the step-by-step version of how my husband leads in ours... it's not rigid, but this is the general way it happens in our home.

And we don't do it every night (for example, we usually don't do it Sunday nights because we've already worshiped together as a family on that day), and occasionally we miss a night, but more nights than not, this is what you'd find if you peeked into our home, just before bedtime:

1. Have a short Bible story time. (We shoot for no more than 10 minutes, at the ages our kids are--currently 5, 3, and 1!) Sometimes that's from the adult Bible (sometimes a simple-to-understand version like the NLT, sometimes from the ESV so that they get used to hearing the actual accurate Word of God), sometimes from the kids' version, sometimes from a devotion book. Doug reads it, sometimes with intermittent questions, then does a little application or explanation as necessary. (Sometimes it's just a story focus, oftentimes a character-quality focus, and occasionally a specific attitude/behavior focus-- if we're trying to target a particular undesirable/desirable behavior.)
   
   
2. Occasionally sing a song or act out the story we talked about.
   
   
3. Scripture Memorization, if we're learning something together as a family. So far, we've memorized Psalm 1 and the Beatitudes together. Sometimes we take a break, but we try to be either reviewing or learning something new.
   
   Specifically, when we're learning something new, we work on one new phrase every night. We take one phrase, sentence or thought, and repeat it about 10 different times (we do this in different voices to make it fun-- say it in cowboy voice, now in a deep MAN's voice, now in a little bitty lady's voice, now in a child's voice, now in a really happy voice, now VERY LOUD, now very soft, etc.). Then we all say it together (with the rest of the passage if it's adding on to something we've already learned).
   
   
4. Prayer time. We each pick someone/thing to pray about (sometimes the kids don't select something, and that's OK- we don't force them to pray)... with a different focus each night of the week, so we're learning to pray for different things:
   
   
   • Sunday: SAINTS (other Christians)
   • Monday: MISSIONARIES (by name, we have friends in various countries with kids, so we encourage the kids to pray for their MK friends in other countries)
   • Tuesday: TEACHERS (which, in our house, means I get prayed for a lot!)
   • Wednesday: WISDOM (in our decisions/lives), WIDOWS (that we know, by name), and WITNESS (for us and people around us)
   • Thursday: THOSE IN AUTHORITY (could be Daddy, Daddy's boss, Pastor Dan, President Bush, Presidential elections, the person making the decision about ____ that will affect our family, etc.)
   • Friday: FRIENDS & FAMILY
   • Saturday: SINNERS (people we know that need to become disciples of Jesus)

Then the kiddos are off to bed.

That's how we structure ours-- and it's usually less than 15 minutes. I could definitely see how as they get older it could get longer, with discussions about what passages mean, memorizing longer things, and praying more intensely together as a family... but for right now it is really GREAT for us, and it's just the right length of time to keep little ones engaged and learning about the Word, and getting to know God.

Perhaps this will help someone else looking for more "definition" about what a family Bible time would look like. Blessings!

Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

A friend sent this to me, and I wanted to share it with you... these verses have big implications for us as children of God, as women, as wives, and as moms. Hope it will encourage you as it does me!

"To enjoy your work and to accept your lot in life-- that is indeed a gift from God. The person who does that will not need to look back with sorrow to his past, for God gives him joy." ~Ecclesiastes 5:19-20, Living Bible

New Year 2008: What's Going to be "New" For You?

What do you plan to do differently in this upcoming year? What needs to change? These are questions I've been rolling around in my head. Here are some of my thoughts:

#1- I need to be more committed to studying the Word of God. Throughout last year, I took one book a month and studied/read it throughout the month, using study guides and other tools to get to know each book, and for the most part that was beneficial. I studied through James, 1 John, Proverbs, Romans, 1 Thessalonians, Acts, Colossians, Genesis, and Matthew (yes- 2 of the books got held over a 2 month period).

But I've slacked off lately- the busy-ness of life has, too often, crowded out that most precious time. So, in January, I'm going to finish reading through Matthew, really soaking in the parables and stories of Jesus. Throughout the year, I'd like to tackle Hebrews, Isaiah, Esther, Joshua, Job, and others. If I continue going at this rate, I'll have studied my way through the Bible (not just hurriedly reading, but carefully studying) in 7 years.

#2- I need to be more diligent to verbally build up and be a helper to my amazing husband. God has given me such a special gift by giving me this wonderful man to share my life with. I need to be more aware of verbally encouraging him, verbally praising him to others, and being a helper to him-- helping him accomplish the things that are important to him.

#3- I need to spend less time online and more time with the kids. Instead of playing ridiculous amounts of Scrabble, I need to sit down on the floor and spend time on their level, listening to things that are important to them. Instead of shooing them away because "I'm reading something important" (even though sometimes, it IS), I need to stop and spend more time reading to them.

Don't get me wrong- I'm not at ALL a parent who feels like I need to be beholden to my children. I believe God gave them siblings to play with- I don't have to be their primary playmate. And I believe that they need to know that mommy is a separate person-- not just a person who is at their beck and call. It is good for them to see their parents reading books, learning, talking about politics, and having thoughtful discussions about adult things. And it is good for them, at an early age, to come to the distinct awareness that the world does not in fact revolve around them. But as with all things, there needs to be balance. And I need to spend more time with these precious little people God has given me. I love them, I treasure their little funny sayings, and crazy sense of humors, and creative ways of playing and talking about things that are going on in their lives. I don't want to miss out on enjoying the blessing of these children at these particular ages.


What are some of your goals for 2008? Or things that you want to work on?

POLL: How Often Do You Study the Bible?

I just put up a new poll, and I'd love for you to share your thoughts. Here's the question:
HOW OFTEN DO YOU PERSONALLY STUDY THE BIBLE? (Not in a church setting; I'm talking about personal study time actually reading/studying the Bible.)

Here are the options:

• Every day.
• Most days (5+ days a week)
• About half the time (around 3 days a week)
• Maybe one day a week
• I use printed Bible study materials (like Beth Moore), but rarely study the actual Bible itself.
• I rarely study the Bible (less than once a week).
  
• I can't remember the last time I studied the Bible.
• I never personally study the Bible.
  

"Choosing" To Say "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord"

I hope I can accurately express my heart on this, and I hope that it will come through your computer screen as I intend it. What I have to say is not an easy subject to broach, and I recognize the delicacy of emotions involved.

WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES
We, as humans, have always had tragedy, from the "first couple" (no, not the Bushes-- I mean Adam and Eve) until now. One of their sons murdered their other son. All of Noah's society was washed away. Mary's perfect son was brutally killed. Countless martyrs gave their lives. Ours is not a history of faith without tragedy. Throughout the history of mankind, millions of people at a time have been slaughtered in various times, places, and for various reasons... race, religion, political disagreements, fear, and bigotry.

And in each of our personal lives, we will have tragedy strike... it's one of those things we can count on. Parents divorce, children fall into sin, and terrible things like miscarriages, affairs, and the death of those that we love can happen to any one of us. Some or all of these have affected or will affect nearly every single Christian man and woman.

I have recently heard people express how difficult songs like "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" are to sing in times of tragedy or personal grief and sorrow. And I can understand the difficulty of it, particularly if paired with an upbeat groove and a chipper, toothy-grinned singer. That would indeed be difficult to bear at a moment of personal sorrow or loss. But there is something deeper that I want to address... and that is this:

It is not in the moment of sorrow that we should decide how to respond to sorrow.

It is not in the moment of grief and tragedy that we should figure out how to work through it. We should be preparing NOW for those moments... reminding ourselves NOW that when tragedy comes, God will still be the same as He was yesterday, and the same as He will forever be. We should be preparing our heart to say, "Blessed be the name of the LORD" in those most difficult moments. Cause, frankly, it's easy to say "Blessed be the name of the LORD" when your bills are paid, and your kids are all cheerfully singing "kum-ba-ya" in a circle with their arms linked and then skipping off merrily to do their chores, and your husband or wife is lovingly looking at you with adoration, and outside, the rainbow is shining and the birds are sweetly chirping on your freshly bloomed rose bush.

It is when we have just had a miscarriage, or when we have just been given dreadful news, or when something tragic has happened that it becomes much more of a choice of the will and of our faith to say, "Blessed be the name of the LORD". Those dark times are what reveal where our faith really lies. I have to admit that personally, I really like one particular part of the song I referenced above... because I think the lyrics accurately express what has to happen in those moments of sorrow. Here's what they say:

You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, "Lord, blessed be Your name."

I believe it will, in those moments, be an act of our will and an act of our determined faith to say, "Blessed be Your name, LORD". At any other time, it is easy to say those words. Even when things are just steadily plugging along, it is a very simple thing for the Christian to bless the name of God. But it is in those dark moments that we must actively choose to say, "God, I will bless you, knowing that You gave and You took away."

Job did this very thing. Remember?

Now there was a day when [Job's] sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and there came a messenger to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, and the Sabeans fell upon them and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you." While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you." While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, "The Chaldeans formed three groups and made a raid on the camels and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you." While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you."

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."

In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

We must choose this day how we will act on those days-- the days when we miscarry a precious baby, the days when we learn of the death of one we love, the days when we realize we are somewhere we never would have chosen to be, the days when something tragic happens. THOSE are the days when God will be honored when we choose to bless HIS name right in the middle of our sorrow and grief.

NFP and 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

We've discussed birth control many times before here on Making Home... but it's been a while. A recent post I read on another blog again raised a question I've had in my head for a couple of years. I posted about it roughly a year ago, but didn't get any "takers".

This time, I'd really like to hear from you, if you are currently, or in the past have, or would like to be, an NFP (natural family planning) user. Essentially, NFP is a method by which women monitor their bodies in order to determine times of fertility. During fertile times, which is generally defined as 7 days before ovulation and 3 days following ovulation (based on the lifespan of sperm and eggs), couples abstain from times of intimacy in order to avoid pregnancy for that month.

Personally, though, I can't see how, for the Christian couple, that method can "square up" with 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

With 10 days of fertility that come with every monthly cycle for a woman, NFP seems to require abstaining from sexual relations for 10 days out of every 28-ish days. I can't imagine intentionally abstaining from intimacy for 1/3rd of my married life... and frankly, it seems like it would do precisely what 1 Cor. 7:5 warns about-- having temptation creep into the marriage relationship from the outside. To me, that kind of planned time apart on a regular basis doesn't sound like the small amount of time spent apart in devotion "to prayer" (not for birth control) that may occasionally be used ("perhaps") "for a limited time."

So, those of you who use NFP (or have used it in the past), really, I'm wanting to know-- how does this square up in your mind? It may sound like I have my mind made up, and truthfully, I don't really see how it could square up-- but it's possible that I just haven't heard from NFP users who have thought about this and have a good explanation. Please, bring your thoughts... and if you are a reader who hasn't used NFP but would like to join in the conversation, come on! I'd love to hear any and all thoughts on this issue.

Disparate Housewives in Genesis; Part Two: REBEKAH

As I've read through Genesis this last month or so, I've been struck by some interesting observations about the women of Genesis. (Perhaps I owe much of that to the insights gained from my recent reading of "Her Name is Woman" , books 1 & 2, by Gien Karssen- an amazing pair of books!) First, we looked at HAGAR: a rejected servant protected and guided by God.

This time, we'll take a look at Rebekah:

A BEAUTIFUL VIRGIN WHO SEEMS TO BE FULL OF FAITH
When we are first introduced to Rebekah, we are told she is a relative of Abraham's, and is a "young woman", "very attractive in appearance"... and is a virgin. (24:16) God affirms the choice of Rebekah as the right bride for Isaac when she offers water for Isaac's servant's weary & thirsty camels. In this action, she seems to be a generous and selfless woman.

She then agrees to move away to marry a man she's never met (Isaac) on the word of a servant she just met... which, to me, seems like a huge act of faith. She may have had other motivations, or she may have had no other choice, but still, this act seems to set Isaac up with a faithful bride. But as we will learn, appearances can be deceiving.

A BARREN WIFE BLESSED WITH CHILDREN
When Isaac meets her, she soon becomes his wife and she comforts him after the death of his mother. We are told that Isaac "prayed to the LORD for his wife, because she was barren. And the LORD granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived." (25:21) Surely Isaac must've been told countless times that it was God Who opened his own mother's womb so that she could conceive him. When his own wife is barren, his natural inclination is to look to God, and God grants children to the childless. It seems, again, that Rebekah would be learning from this faithfulness of God and from the love and wisdom that comes from her husband. But things are not always as they seem to be.

A MANIPULATIVE WIFE & MOM WHO PLAYS FAVORITES
Later, though Rebekah has been given a family and could have been a beloved and admirable example to us all, she chooses deception and trickery to control her family's heir (chap. 27), and to usurp her husband's authority as the son of Abraham. Instead of protecting her husband in his weakness and the frailty of old age, she takes advantage of his blindness and uses it to trick him; she is clearly not the faithful wife she may have seemed to be. Without any hint of regret or trepidation, she manipulates her husband and even works against one of her own children in order to play favorites and hand-select her own favorite as the heir.

A WOMAN WRAPPED UP IN HER CHILDREN
What I noticed reading through these stories this time is that Rebekah derives all of her self-image and joy from her children. How many moms I have known like this! Her whole identity is in her children, and she occupies herself more with their concerns than with her husband. She was willing to deceive and encourage her child to disrespect the man she was one with, all because she was overly concerned with her children. She was wrapped up in their affairs, rather than being a helpmate and lovingly seeing to her husband's needs.

In the end, we find that her choices have not made her happy. The last substantive thing we hear about Rebekah is this: she herself says, "I loathe my life", and asks, "what good will my life be to me?" because her son's choices for a wife are so limited. (27:46) Perhaps it is her keen awareness of her own LACK of faithfulness to her own husband that causes her to be so disheartened by the lack of faithfulness in the young women around her.

REBEKAH: IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS
Rebekah seemed to be a woman with so much faith and promise, and yet, in the end, she chose to deceive her husband, use his weaknesses against him, and encourage her son to use trickery as a means to get what he wanted. Not a faithful wife, not a godly parent, she is left in our eyes as an unhappy woman, whose favorite son ended up moving away from her because of her choices. I think it is interesting that in her effort to "bless" and "favor" her beloved son, she ended up losing fellowship with him, as he had to move far, far, away... and she spent the rest of her days with the man she had deceived and the son she had worked to steal a blessing from. What a pitiful end to what could have been a beautiful life.

Though she was physically beautiful and even blessed by God (despite her initial barrenness) with the gift of children, she did not look to God in faith with her concerns, and instead took matters into her own hands, which resulted in her ultimate sadness and lack of fulfillment in life. She chose to be wrapped up in her children rather than delighting in her husband, and in the end, she loathed her life and counted it a waste. What a lesson Rebekah's sad life is for us as wives and mothers!



[Ed.note: Lest you think me a bad speller or somehow mistaken about the title of the popular TV show that has a similar ring to the title of this series, I just wanted to share with you the definition of disparate: Fundamentally distinct. This series is about distinctive women in Genesis (examining the ways in which they are different from one another) and gleaning what we can learn from them. So, yes, the play on words is intentional; it is not misspelled or random. Hope that makes the title a bit more clear, in case anyone was wondering! :) ~Jess]

Disparate Housewives in Genesis, Part One: HAGAR

As I've read through Genesis this last month or so, I've been struck by some interesting observations about the women of Genesis. (Perhaps I owe much of that to the insights gained from my recent reading of "Her Name is Woman" , books 1 & 2, by Gien Karssen- an amazing pair of books!)

First up, we'll take a look HAGAR: a rejected heathen servant used and abused by man, but protected and guided by God.

A PAGAN SERVANT BECOMES A WIFE & MOTHER
Hagar is first introduced to us as Sarah's "female Egyptian servant" (Gen. 16:1). It soon becomes clear that she will be used for the purposes of man. God had promised a son to Abram, but he was convinced by his wife to take a servant for a wife and impregnate her, because she (Sarai) was so old. So this poor servant woman gets pulled into a sexual relationship with her master, all because of other people's lack of faith in God. WHAT A WAY to start a marriage!

We aren't told how she felt about the arrangement. We're just told that Abram "went in to Hagar, and she conceived." (16:4) She began to look contemptuously at Sarai because she conceived- and we aren't told the motivation for that either. It could be that she looked down on Sarai's barrenness, but it is just as possible that she resented having to carry a child she never asked for or had any decision about creating. (How often are we told by our society that such a situation merits abortion!) A used, penniless woman, forced to be intimate with a man, turns up with child. And yet...

GOD SEES AND SPEAKS TO THIS HEATHEN WOMAN
After Sarai deals with her harshly (which is generally interpreted as Hagar being beaten), she flees the home of Abram & Sarai and goes out into the wilderness. And YET, God meets her there, at the place of what was likely the greatest distress and need of her life. He makes a promise to this used, heathen, slave woman... that her descendants would be innumerable... and even speaks a prophecy to her about what her son will be like and what his name should be. And then, something totally new happens...

SHE IS THE FIRST HUMAN TO CALL GOD BY A NEW NAME
Genesis 16:13~

So she called the name of the LORD Who spoke to her, "YOU ARE A GOD OF SEEING" (El Roi) for she said, "Truly here I have seen Him Who looks after me."

Though she had a master (Sarai) and a husband (Abram), she recognized that it was GOD, El Roi, the God Who Sees, that looked after her. She was aware that though she had not called out to Him, He was taking care of her- that He saw her in her distress and took her under His wings.

Because of her encounter with the true and living God, she obeyed God, going back to the very situation she had fled from: an unprotective husband and an abusive master. She gave her son the name God had given to her, and we don't hear any more about her for over fourteen years of her life. Five chapters later, we find that the old tensions between Sarai and Hagar have been revived when Sarai herself has a son, so...

HAGAR GOES AWAY, AGAIN, & GOD MEETS HER THERE, AGAIN
This time, her exit was not at her own desire to flee, but because she was sent away by Abraham (who had been so led by God). Abraham sent her away with bread and one animal skin filled with water, and gave her "the child" (who at this point, must've been very nearly a man... an older teenager at least). So again, she flees to the wilderness (21:12-14).

What must have been going through her mind? Somewhere in the back of her mind must've lurked that nearly 20-year-old promise given to her in the desert... did she cling to that, trusting God to protect her? Did she run away in fear? We aren't told, but we are told this much:

When the water in the skin was gone, she put the child under one of the bushes. Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off... [saying], "let me not look on the death of the child." And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard... Lift up the boy, and hold him fast... I will make him into a great nation."

Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. And God was with the boy, and he grew up. He lived in the wilderness... and his mother took a wife for him from Egypt."

WHAT ABOUT HAGAR'S CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN?
This is the last substantive thing we hear about Hagar... that she chose a pagan wife for the son of Abraham. Did she truly have faith in God? And if so, did she pass her faith down to Ishmael and his family? Perhaps. He, too, had heard the voice of the Lord-- once in utero, and once as a young man. And it says that God was with him. But clearly, the living "testimony" of Abraham and Sarai was enough for her to not desire to have anything to do with their relatives or kinsman. She took a bride for Ishmael from among her own people, the Egyptians.

The amazing thing, to me, is this: though she had an encounter with the true and living God, the unkindness of God's people was enough to drive her and her children possibly away from God forever. Nevertheless, Hagar is a remarkable woman, in that she has direct encounters with God... she recognizes God as an all-seeing God... and she names Him "El Roi".


SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR EACH OF US?
Just as Hagar was seen by God, He SEES each of us. He sees you as a woman with the needs that you have. He sees your marriage, and all of its defects. He sees your mistreatment by others. He sees the needs of your children. He sees that you haven't been given enough to live on. He sees you in the wilderness, disheartened, frightened, alone, rejected, beaten, and in despair.

HE SEES.

And just as He ACTED to meet Hagar's needs and care for her, He will meet your needs and care for you if you will look to Him and listen to His counsel in your life. I am so encouraged by the story of a woman who was used, abused, and rejected by men... but who God saw and reached out to, with love, with provision, and with grace. He offers the same to each of us today!

POLL: Which Version of the Bible?

So just out of curiosity, which version of the English Bible do you primarily read/prefer? (There's a corresponding poll in the sidebar to your right, if you're reading this on or before 11/11/07.... Please vote as well as leaving a comment!)

You may be like me, and have several different versions in your home for a variety of purposes... but which version is it that you prefer above all others? Which is it that you would choose to take with you if you only had room in your suitcase for one Bible?

The options:

• King James Version (KJV)
  
• New International Version (NIV)
• New American Standard (NASB)
• The Living Bible (TLB)
• New Living Translation (NLT)
• English Standard Version (ESV)
• Amplified Bible (AB)
• Other (TNIV, NKJV, Holman, Dolby, or some other version)

I'd love to hear from you about why you love the version you use. PLEASE, though, no bashing of other versions... but PLEASE DO comment and share why you like the one you read and what is meaningful and important to you about that particular version.

Huldah: Housewife & Mouthpiece of God

Huldah.

Not a very "high profile" biblical woman. Not a name you hear every day, or even every year, even if you are a very active church member. Not a woman who would stand out in your mind, even if you've read the Bible through many times before.

But what an example she is for each of us!

This woman, briefly mentioned in 2 Chronicles 34 & 35, was used to turn a nation back to God after years of idolatry and evil had all but erased Israel's relationship with YHWH. Here's how she's introduced-- the King's advisors go to "Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum" and begin telling her about King Josiah's desire to follow the laws of God.

She wasn't, as far as is biblically recorded, a prophetess in the usual sense we think of it: as a God-endorsed and fully accurate weather forecaster of far-future events. No, she simply was a mouthpiece of God. She had HIS words in her heart, ready to speak to powerful men. Her words gave a King confirmation of his need to follow God, and because of her words, her generation lived at peace with God.

Though she was a prophetess, she did not live in exile as many prophets of those days had to do, but as Gien Karssen points out in Her Name is Woman, Book 2, "she was a housewife". Like me and maybe you, she was simply an ordinary women with ordinary daily tasks. She wasn't a queen or woman of significance, and she isn't regularly held up as an example for us. She cared for her husband and ran a household, but in the midst of these ordinary tasks, she carried out God's calling on her life. God Himself spoke through her, and because she KNEW the Words of God, "she could freely exhort and encourage other people with it."

We, too, should be women who know God's Word and can freely speak when given the opportunity. All too often, because we have neglected the Word and have not given it its proper place and authority in our lives, when the opportunity comes to speak, we either hesitate and say nothing or we give human wisdom, derived from Oprah, Dr. Phil, or the latest marriage/parenting book we've read.

Instead, we should be women who, like Huldah, speak the Word of God without hesitation anytime we have the opportunity. And with that, I need to get into the Word this afternoon. :)

The Servanthood Paradox

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." -Philippians 2: 3-4

As I've been reading through Philippians this month, this is the section that has most grabbed my attention. Because the world tells us to "look out for number one", to "take care of yourself", to "mind your own business", etc. And the world tells us that the way to live is to climb a ladder of success, where I/you end up on top... that THAT (being on top of everyone else) will be what brings success and joy.

But the Bible says something different, which seems paradoxical. Joy is found in counting others as more significant than myself. Do I do this?, I've been asking myself.

• Do I count my husband as more significant than myself? Or do I take the "better" portion of dinner for myself? Do I seek to please him with what I cook and how I care for our home and children or is it my own interests I am most concerned with?
  
• Do I count my children as more significant than myself? Do I meet their needs with the quickness and intensity with which I would meet my own?
  
• Do I count family and friends as more significant than myself? Do I compassionately hear their concerns and diligently pray for them or am I quick to forget their hurts?
• Do I count guests in my home as more significant than myself? Do I give them the most comfortable seat and serve them, seeing to their needs?

The amazing thing I've noticed is this: as I've begun intentionally, consistently putting others' needs ahead of my own, my own joy has increased. There is legitimate joy and pleasure in meeting the needs of others and humbly taking care of those that we love.

Feminists often deride this sort of role for a female as demeaning or humiliating. But when we act as a servant, even to those with whom we are "equal", we imitate Christ Himself. Look how the passage continues on, in verses 5-7:

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men."

Did you catch that? Jesus made Himself nothing. Do I make myself nothing? Or do I complain and whine and grumble if I am treated like I am nothing? (If so, I need to see Philippians 2:14-- "Do all things without grumbling or questioning...", which is probably why Paul wrote it as part of the "therefore" to this passage.)

And did you catch the other interesting thing about that passage? The mind of JESUS- the mind that makes itself nothing and serves out of humility is MINE and YOURS if you are in Christ Jesus ("which is yours in Christ Jesus"). If you are a Christian by faith in Jesus, then this attitude is YOURS for the taking! All we must do is realize that the attitude and mind of Christ is available to us, and walk in it.

What a thrill it can be to serve the people around us... I pray that these personal musings will be helpful and challenging for you as they have been for me. Blessings~

Painting: Le lavement des pieds, Corinne Vonaesch, 2001

The Powerful Benefits of the Word of God - Psalm 119

Reading through Psalm 119 today, I thought I would take this opportunity to praise the Word of God and remind you and me of all the benefits of the Word, as found in the Psalm.

It's a long list, but well-worth the time if you, like me, are needing a kick in the pants to make time for the Word of God each day! Please take the time to prayerfully read through the list and I pray it will encourage you as it has me!

• Those who walk in the ways of the Word are blessed. (1-3)
• His precepts are outlined in the Word so that we can keep them. (4-5)
• When we fix our eyes on His commandments, we will not be put to shame. (6, 31)
• His Word helps us to praise Him with a pure heart. (7)
• A young man can keep his way pure by following the Word. (9)
• Storing His Word in our hearts fights sin in our lives. (11)
• He teaches us through His Word. (12)
• As we delight in it, His Word becomes more precious to us than money. (14, 67-72, 162)
• It gives us righteous things to meditate on. (15)
• The more we delight in it, the more we will remember His Word. (15-16, 48)
  
• There are wondrous things to behold in God's law. (18)
  
• Though we are sojourners and things may feel foreign to us or we might not understand everything in the world around us, His commandments are clear and straightforward. (19)
• Our souls long for His rules and ways to be put in place in our lives. (20)
• Those who wander from the Word are rebuked. (21)
• When powerful people plot against us, we can rest in His Word. (23)
• His Word counsels us. (24)
  
• His Word brings life. (25)
• Prayer brings understanding of His Word. (26-27)
• When we are sorrowful, His Word strengthens and comforts us. (28, 52)
• Truth and lies are made clear and separated by His Word. (29)
  
• His Word helps us to choose rightly. (30)
• My heart is set free by His Word. (32)
• As we learn His Word, we we learn to follow God. (33)
  
• Our hearts will turn from selfishness as we turn to His Word. (36)
• Our eyes will turn from worthless things as we receive life from His Word. (37)
• Hearing His promises teaches us to fear and reverence God. (38)
  
• His Word brings salvation and steadfast love to us. (41)
• His Word gives us a ready answer for those who scoff and taunt us. (42)
• Truth will be in our mouths when our hope is in His law. (43)
• God's promises bring life and hope when we are afflicted. (51)
• We will see wickedness for what it is when we know God's law. (53)
• His law puts a song in our hearts. (54, 172)
• Meditating on God's Word motivates us to quickly obey Him! (59-60)
• God's Word is FIRMLY FIXED FOREVER in HEAVEN. We can partake of something eternal and lasting when we read His Word. (89)
• If we are not delighting in His Word when trials hit, we are an easy target. (92)
• His commandments make us wise. (98-100)
• His Word reminds us to keep our feet from evil. (101)
• His precepts teach us to hate evil and falsehood. (104, 128, 163)
• His Word sheds light on our path so our feet can walk surely. (105, 165)
• His testimonies bring JOY. (111)
• "The unfolding of Your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple." (130)
• His law teaches us to see sinners as He sees them. (136)
• His rules show us His righteousness. (137)
• His promises and rules are reliable, and last forever. (140, 160)
• His Word gives us hope and confidence each morning. (114, 147-148)
• His word gives us "great peace". (165)
• Even when we go astray, His Word will be hidden in our hearts. (176)

What an encouraging list of reasons to get into the Word of God today, huh? I have felt my passion for His Word being revived as I've read through this Psalm this afternoon, and I hope it has done the same for you. Blessings!

Back on the Bookshelf: Her Name Is Woman (Book 1)

WOW~ Just finished the first of this excellent two-book series, called "Her Name Is Woman" by Gien Karssen, and I can't wait to tell you about it! If you don't yet have Fall reading plans, get thee to an online or real bookstore (or to your local library, even better!), and begin this series.

If you enjoy reading biblical historical semi-fiction, ala Francine Rivers' "Lineage of Grace", this will not only be right up your alley in terms of enjoyment, but it is also an EXCELLENT, biblically-informed way to acquaint yourself with the women of the Bible ("big": Sarah, Rebekah, Mary, mother of Jesus, and "small": the Queen of Sheba, the widow at Zarapheth, and Naaman's Jewish maid).

She takes each biblical account and walks through the woman's heart, life, and experiences as we know them in the Word, weaving in cultural and historical information, to provide us with a rich awareness of these biblical women, and a powerful understanding of their lives.

Some of the things I like about it: she sticks to biblical truth and doesn't chase rab