Homeschooling at Your Child's Pace

One of the things I love most about home education is this: 

You can wait for understanding and move through material with MASTERY as the goal. 

There is no need to "plow onward" to keep on pace with the rest of the class. You look at what your child is grasping and retaining, and assess what he/she is capable of, and move at his/her pace. 

MOVE AT THE CHILD'S PACE
I do this a LOT with maths... some kids "get" the "add 8 + 7, write down the 5, carry the 1 to the tens column" thing on the first day I present the concept. Some need a week to practice. Some need more. Some kids "get" simple multiplication quickly. Others need weeks (or months) of practice, math games, explanation, and practice with manipulatives, and examples of mom working problems over and over and over again. 

So we move at the child's pace.

Doing it that way is not "unschooling." Rather, it is moving at the pace at which the child is ready to tackle and succeed. 

So if a child is struggling, you pause and review and work it from different angles, and sometimes abandon the subject altogether for 3-6 months to give time for maturity and growth before expecting mastery. But, on the flipside, there are some times where the math book or phonics lessons will suggest 10 lessons of review on a particular thing and your child will "get it" on the first go. So then you go faster at that point. 

THE MYTH OF AGE = SAME

Human beings don't learn things at exactly the same pace, according to their age. 

In a group classroom setting, the fact that we all learn different things at different rates can lead to some kids feeling dumb, some kids fading into the background, some kids feeling arrogant and "bored" because they get a concept quicker than the other kids. It can lead to labels and judgments. 

I remember. I think back to growing up in a public school setting. I remember coming out on top in some things, and I remember the humiliation of coming out on bottom in other things. Neither felt good.

In homeschooling, it just means, your kid is his/herself. He/she gets to move at the pace God made his/her brain to move, and feel neither humiliated nor arrogant about that particular pace. 

A UNIQUE BLEND OF SKILLS IN EACH CHILD
AND (this is what I love) that gets to happen in EVERY subject. 

So if they are able to read sooner, but not be physically coordinated enough to play soccer, that's OK. No teasing or humiliation for that. If they can swim and ride bikes and run faster than all the other kids, but are still struggling to read, that's OK too. If they are going great guns in math, but need to go slower in learning (and retaining) vocabulary, that's OK too. 

There is not one "8-year-old" standard. Each boy or girl can move similar to the pace we do, as adults-- according to each individual's gifts and abilities. 

No one looks at me and compares me to the 34-year-old dentist down the road and thinks I'm a moron for not knowing about molars, nerve endings, tooth decay, and how to operate a tiny drill. No one looks at him and thinks he's a moron for not knowing how to manage a household of 8 on a budget, how to stop a tantrum in two-seconds-flat, or how to choose homeschool curricula. And no one looks at the 34-year-old pharmacist and compares him/her to either of us. 

Unfortunately, even as adults, sometimes peers look at each other and compare, but that almost always leads to sin and discontentment. 

In truth, we all operate according to our giftings and learn at our own pace, and are held accountable by God for being stewards of what we've personally been given-- not for stewarding something at the same pace/skill as someone else "our age."

Homeschooling allows us to offer that same grace and freedom to our children: move at your pace. Grasp things at the rate you are able. You don't have to live in humiliation, or arrogance... constant struggle, or endless boredom.  Joyfully grow and learn about the world God has made, according to the gifts He has given you. 


Images courtesy of: StuartMiles & Stockphoto/FreeDigitalPhotos.net




[Please note: I recognize that not all of my readers choose to homeschool. This is not a slam on anyone else's choices. However, we choose to homeschool. I believe there are advantages, and this article is about one of those advantages. Kind of like someone who writes an article about the advantages of having all boys (if you have girls) or someone who only writes about how great it is to only buy foreign vehicles, while you drive around in your Ford, you can just skip this article on by if it doesn't apply to you, and not feel guilt for making a different choice. As believers, we all live according to Scripture and the guidance of the Spirit, no matter our schooling decisions.]

Looking For Educational DVDs?

I just found out that these two DVD sets are crazy cheap (only $5.99 EACH, for each entire series) right now on Amazon, so you may want to snatch them up:

Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego? - The Complete Series


Liberty's Kids - The Complete Series

These are great programs to supplement your homeschool (for geography & American history), or to have on hand for rainy/sick days. We have Liberty's Kids (I paid about 10x as much as this sale price for our set years ago), and the kids LOVE it, but I'm getting Carmen Sandiego today to add to our educational DVD stash.


Another series I keep on hand as a super-fun educational science DVD series is The Magic School Bus: The Complete Series. (Heads up- there are maybe a handful of episodes that include references to things like vampires, ghosts, etc. We just skip anything creepy, and the kids know not to watch those episodes that might freak out little ones. It is only a few episodes, and the science value of the series in my opinion FAR outweighs any concerns, especially since they are easily skipped.) My kids 2 & up LOVE The Magic School Bus and I often hear them referring to things they've learned in it (habitat, ecosystem, "symbiotic" relationship, red blood cells, etc.), so I thought I'd recommend it to you as well, in case you want to stock up on good quality educational DVDs.

Letter to a Homeschool Mom

This year was a bit different for me.

Entering the school year with a 6th grader felt more like a big leap... the *gulp* lodged in my throat, and it felt more weighty than any year before.

When I confessed this feeling to a friend of mine, she said, "welcome to the way I always feel about homeschooling!"

I suppose all of us at some point or another find ourselves struggling with whether we're capable, and whether we can (*gulp*) REALLY do this thing.

Rather than writing myself a note, or writing you a note, laced with my own human wisdom, let me look to Scripture for my encouragement... and offer these words to you as well:



Dear Homeschool Mom,

Sometimes you get tired: "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." ~Galatians 6:9

Sometimes you feel overwhelmed: "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth when my heart is faint.  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge." ~Psalm 61:2-3

Sometimes you need wisdom: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." ~James 1:5

When you feel exultant, and are tempted to feel pride, remember: "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights." ~James 1:17

When you feel hopeless, and are tempted to despair, remember: "What is impossible with man is possible with God." ~Luke 18:27

When you are tempted to look around you and compare yourself (or your children) with others: "We urge you, brothers... aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs..." ~1 Thessalonians 4:11

When you feel anxious: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7

When it feels like the world is on your shoulders, remember who you are relying on: "He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it." ~1 Thessalonians 5:24

Keep looking to Christ as the foundation, to God as your strength, to God as the One who has to open your children's eyes, minds, and souls, to God for all that you need.  He is faithful; He is good.

Have a great year,
~Jess


P.S.- This letter could probably apply to every mom at some point in life, homeschool or not.  I just happen to be a homeschool mom and found that these are some of the things I struggle with.  I hope it encourages everyone who reads it, homeschoolers or not.

The Truth About Quality Time (Trail Blaze #5)

It can be easy, as a stay at home mom, to forget the significance of what you are doing.

In our modern busy-busy-busy, degreed, careered, materialistic, overcommitted society, it is easy to devalue the perfect normalcy of the simple everyday routine, and how that will sear warmth and joy and security into our children's souls.

For example, studies continually show that sit-down meals as a family echo out for decades into a child's future.  That one action affects things like a child's performance in school, likelihood to try drugs, and future obesity levels.  The family dinner, that used to be a given in virtually every home, is now almost a radical act of cultural disobedience.

We are incomparably blessed as mothers.  

There is no role in society like ours.

I am fairly confident that I could rival any supermodel in the amounts of flowers I've been given (if dandelions count), the number of smiles I've gotten, the number of times someone has clamored for my attention, and the number of compliments I've been given in my life.   On the rare day when I wear a necklace to church, I'll hear--multiple times over-- some variation of: "I wike yo pitty neck-us mommy."

Truly, it is a rich blessing to have precious uniquely-built souls looking to you, smiling at you, reaching out arms to you, with little hearts eager for your notice of their latest accomplishment.  Each child watches and learn from mom about the world-- and each child offers love with such open, tenderhearted affection.

Eternal significance oozes out of the pores of the pregnant mother.  

Until this last century, every single human being knew it, and reverenced it.   

As the pregnant woman nurtures a new life, she is brought near to the Creator-- the giver of souls-- and she watches as His creativity is revealed yet again right before her eyes: 

• The miraculous first hours of wonder, awe, fear, and reverence with a new baby roll over into 
• Sleepless nights, which roll over into 
• A new normal as a family, which rolls over into 
• Getting to know a new little blossoming personality, which rolls over into 
• Following this little wandering soul around your house 24/7 because they're too little to really understand words and rules and no-nos, but just big enough to be curious about everything and just risky enough to try to find out, which rolls over into
• Defiance and determination the likes of which you're convinced the world has never seen, which rolls over into
• Figuring out house norms and rules together as parents and child, which rolls over into
• Repetitive daily life.

And it's that last one that really seeps into all of the others.  

It's that last one-- repetitive daily life-- that can cause some mothers to think, "this is dull/unimportant/insignificant."   

It is easy to believe lies about what is significant.  

We all want to believe that what we are doing is weighty.  

We are bombarded by worshipful images and messages that communicate that career-minded workaholic women are to be admired.  Society repetitively communicates to us that "me-time", mani/pedis, perfect hair, and dream-chasing are where joy, dignity, and value will be found.  

Scant few of us have witnessed, at an age we can remember it, a determined, devoted, disciplined mother loving and serving and joyfully, productively passing days alongside her children.  

(Psst.  Even though you may not have seen an example of the kind of mother your child needs for you to be, you are utterly irreplaceable in the life of your child.  You are one of a kind, and God has uniquely fitted you for the position He's put you in as a mother.   What's more, this is the one crack at life that you-- and your child-- get.)

Last night I went out to finish up the project that has taken up my extra time for weeks-- the one where I bit off more than I can chew and yet here I am, still chewing, and miraculously it's coming along like I hoped it would-- building the chicken coop.  

I walked out to the workshop alone, and brought my phone and earbuds so I could listen to a sermon and have a little down time.  

But almost immediately after I walked into the workshop, I heard the door open and close behind me.  

Baxter (my 9-year-old) asked if he could help build the coop.  So moments later, we were nailing reclaimed boards up for siding on my blueprint-less chicken coop when he said, "it's amazing that you can just think up and do something like this, ya know?" 

(While I'd like to let his comment hang in ambiguity so that you all would think he was saying that about me, I should clarify that he was saying this about the universal "you," as in, "it's amazing that a person can just think up and do something like this.")  

So then Baxter and I shared an inspiring-to-me exchange about how God has made us humans creative, like Him, and how incredible it is-- the things we can accomplish, when we put our minds to it.  I told him how excited I was to see what God would give him to think up and do in his lifetime.

Those moments just happen.  And we can't script them.

They are the overflow.  Special moments of encouragement, conversation, and soul-building are what happens as time marches on and the little days with infants roll over into exhausting days spent training toddlers to be pleasant and abide by rules, which roll over into enjoyable days spent with older children.  

THE TRUTH ABOUT QUALITY TIME

The truth about quality time... and I hesitate ever-so-slightly to say it because I wish you could hear my heart in it... but the truth about quality time is this:

Quality time is a myth made up by busy people.

Quality time is experienced in the unexpected moments that crop up during quantity time.

And we instinctively know this to be true, because we experience it in our other relationships and areas of life.  

When we have a mad-dash crammed-full-of-relatives holiday, we don't feel that we've suddenly gotten to know their hearts and seen a glimpse of their souls.  We've gotten a quick-and-dirty update.  We've seen their pretty, cleaned-up-like-it-won't-be-for-the-rest-of-the-year house, and they've seen us in our well-chosen outfit that hides our postpartum fat rolls as best we are able.  We've all stuffed ourselves with food and information, and we go home full but not truly satiated.

We know it when we take a May-term class and get the "gist" of the class, but miss out on the regular interactions with a wise professor that shape our souls in unexpected and foundational ways.  The 3-week quick version simply can not provide the same experience that a semester-long, week-in, week-out class provides.

A fast food meal, passed through a window, fills the belly, but does not in any way compare to a sit-down meal, cooked by the home or restaurant chef, accompanied by good conversation and time to laugh and relax.

When we finally meet "the one," we ache to be together.  One date every so often would not produce the kind of relationship that satisfies... no, sometimes it is difficult to even say goodbye at night (even when we know we'll see each other early the next morning).  We long to KNOW and be KNOWN... our souls long to connect with another human being in intimate, satisfying, mutually beneficial, secure ways.  

The truth we all know is that quality time happens in beautiful, unplanned moments of quantity time.   

What have you experienced in your family?  What do you think about the quality/quantity time dichotomy?

Our First Day of (Home)School

So today we had our first morning of school.

I made them take pictures but didn't make them dress up.  This was their real "excited about school" picture.  Notice that (aside from the shirtless 4th grader, and 6th and 2nd graders still in their pajamas) our new Kindergartner is apparently uber-excited about starting school.

The rest of them look more like "sure, OK, we'll start school."

They're good kids, but momma don't raise no fools.  Swimming all day every day, and getting to (for the most part) be the master of your own time is undeniably preferable to having your days carved up and directed by mom, no matter how much fun or how interesting things are in your schoolwork (and we do have fun and keep things very interesting).

Nonetheless, when mom says it's school time, then school time it is.  And they're willing participants.  :)

It seems that my newly-minted 6th grader is no longer willing to take realistic school photos and must now alter them in some way that he finds humorous.

Today?  Moving the glasses down to look professorial.  That's OK.  I still love teaching him.  Course, I've never homeschooled a 6th grader, but he & I continue to guinea-pig it and love it.  And I'm starting to get excited about the possibilities with high school, standardized testing, and college scholarships.

This year our line-up is the most eclectic (and mom-created) we've ever used.  Here's a run-down for those of you who are interested-- The Mystery of History Volume I: Creation to the Resurrection, How the Body Works (A Comprehensive Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Anatomy), Egermeier's Bible Story Book, and All the Best Songs for Kids: 230 Praise Songs, Choruses, and Children's Favorites for Preschool Through Preteen, plus various levels of Singapore Math  and lots of age-appropriate add-on resources for both science & history.  We're focusing on ancient history, anatomy/nutrition/cooking, and individual advancement in each area of skill (math/reading/writing), but doing it all together this year (which is what I am most stoked about).

Incidentally, the best thing I have done lately, as a homeschool mom is read and re-read this book: Walk by the Spirit in Your Homeschool Decisions.  I know it's out of print right now, but it's my favorite book about homeschool planning, because it really points to the right place: the Spirit of God-- as our guide as we go about teaching our children.  

So anyway, today we jumped into all of our group activities, and we'll add in things like our math work in a day or two, once we're settled into the schooling routine.  It was a great time, and it was exciting for me to see their eyes full of delight, and their curious minds engaged.  I love days where we end the day with them thrilled and ready for more. 

The only thing "first day-like" that we did was that I wrote each child a letter of encouragement in the front of their notebook.  I really am so thankful for them, and I continually seek out ways to let each child know how special and God-given they are.

GREAT THINGS ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING

There are so many great things about homeschooling, in my opinion and experience.  Here's a small list: 

• They can each grow at their own pace, in each individual subject without having to be compared to (and without comparing themselves to) a gaggle of other children that happen to have been born within 12 months of them.  
• Freedom of schedule (this one can not be overstated... in today's busy-busy-busy commitment-filled world, the freedom of the homeschool day allows us to get the essentials (and then some) done each day, usually by lunchtime, so we can each spend more time doing the things we love.  Building chicken coops and writing novels (me), researching WWII and playing Legos (Ethan), building with Legos and swimming (Baxter), drawing and designing baby clothes (Maranatha), learning to do Legos and playing Nerf swords (Silas)... and being together as a family.
• Our own determination of and awareness of each thing our children are being exposed to... so we can intentionally, purposefully, delightfully pique their interest in things we believe they'll find interesting, hold off on things they're not quite ready for, etc.
• And many many more things I could list but won't because this post isn't about that.

But if you want to know what my favorite thing about today was, it's this: I didn't send a single one of my children away.  I got to continue spending my days with them, and they got to continue spending their days with me.  Our days will be divided up differently now, but we're still doing life together.

And finally, here's photographic evidence of their dramatic abilities-- I told them to make sad-cause-we-can't-swim-all-day-anymore faces:   

But don't feel too badly for them.  We swam all afternoon.  I'm so thankful for these days and years together, and am thankful for God leading us to homeschool.

It's a treasure to get to know and spend my days with these special people.

My Kids Don't Like Kraft Mac & Cheese (& other confessions from post-expat life)

You know the blue box?  The one commercials tout that "kids love"?  The one that restaurants often choose to serve on their kids meals because "kids love" it?  The one that relatives serve because "well, I didn't know what your kids would eat and I figured everyone loves this"?

Yeah, well, my kids don't like it.

We couldn't get it when they were small and we lived in China & Turkey.   So one time in 2009, when we went on vacation to Egypt, I found a couple of the precious blue boxes and snatched them up, quick as could be.  Figuring, of course, that it was worth the premium imported price because "kids love it."

I mixed up the freakishly neon yellow-orange powder with the requisite ingredients, ready to serve the kids something I just knew they'd love, and they were just as excited to try this boxed treat we'd excitedly told them about.  It was the ultimate vacation convenience food & comfort food, or so I thought.

A couple bites in, we noticed that they were all picking at it, trying to be nice.  One of them wondered if the sauce tasted weird, musing that maybe it had gone bad.  At some point, one of them asked, "why don't they use real pasta in it?"    It was a total bomb.  Even when I tried to eat the leftovers, I couldn't get it down.  It had been years, and truly, the fake taste was overpowering.

We pitched the whole overpriced batch.

Our 7-year-old daughter Maranatha loves the creamy, gooey, elbow-pasta, homestyle macaroni and cheese... so she always has to ask, when we're out to eat at the rare restaurant, "mommy, is this REAL macaroni and cheese?  Or is the stuff I don't like?"

All the other kids just eschew macaroni and cheese altogether.  :)


FRENCH FRIES
Today I had a somewhat similar experience when I served an (easy-for-me) lunch of mini corn dogs and french fries.  Nearly every plate had more than half the fries left, and I hadn't served them very many.  It just occurred to me, we've never been McDonald's fans, we rarely eat out, they didn't start out their growing up years in America... they just don't LOVE and CRAVE french fries the way, well, the way *I* and probably most other Americans do.


OTHER THINGS
I see a lot of other things in them that are just different.

• They sit at the table after lunch and play games like "spin the globe and put your finger down on it while it's spinning.  Then, when it stops, tell as much as you know about that place."-- Then, they'll say things like, "That's where Uncle Han is from", or "that's the place we flew through to get to Thailand."   Certainly not your typical dining table conversation... at least not from any kid conversation I was a part of, growing up.  And they find it fun.  I've not even slightly implied that it's anything other than a total blast.  :)
• They each take pride in having a birthplace that is different from all the others.  Virginia, Texas, Thailand, Istanbul (Asian side), Istanbul (European side), and @ home (not a hospital) in Texas.  
• Each of us have "close friends" that live all around the world.  And there will basically never be a time until Heaven that we have them all nearby, collected into one place.  And even then, I'm still praying that that will be the destination for some of our dear friends.  Our friends are truly here, there, and everywhere.
• They take an active interest in world news.  This week as we've marvelled over the protests going on in our old stomping grounds of Istanbul, I've heard things like "THAT doesn't look like Turkey!" and "That looks more like Egypt!" from my elementary school kiddos.  I am so thankful that their eyes are wide open as they look at the world.  Except for a vague interest in Egyptian mummies & such, my eyes weren't open to the world at their ages.  

I know many of you are also expats, or former expats.  What do you notice that seems unique or different about your kids?

Update: A Unique Season of Change

So in a pitifully hasty attempt to update you, I'm going to just do a dump post, rather than trying to write about every single thing we've done/tackled over the last 6-8 months. (My computer screen cracked and I've been woefully lacking in blogposts ever since.  We're still saving to buy me a replacement.)

If you're more interested in my issues-focused/cultural commentary type posts, feel free to skip over this one.  I won't pout.


I'll also include some cute pictures of my kids because I have those in abundance.  :)

(1) I wrote a novel.  It's about persecution and the church across Central Asia.  I'm still editing it, but it has been good for my soul to remember details about all of the things we experienced and saw while living in Central Asia.  I am prayerfully considering what to do with it and will keep you posted as I discover what that path is.

(2) We had another family live with us for 4 months. (From December 2012-March 2013) HERE'S THE BACKGROUND, and HERE'S ONE OTHER POST ABOUT IT.   After a couple months here, her husband got a job, and perhaps 6-8 weeks after that, they moved into a house in the area.  It's been an exciting time of transition and exploration for them, even while it's certainly required significant adjustments.

I'll share things from my view, since it's the one I know best.  From our perspective, it couldn't have gone better.  We became true, in-person friends, and our children became friends.  Our husbands now meet for breakfast about once a week, and we have just begun doing so too.  Their family is a part of our care group at church, and we all enjoy spending time together.

So we lived alongside one another for a season and now we're still growing alongside one another.

For those of you who have asked for specifics (perhaps you're considering something similar or whatever)-- While they were here, things did at times get difficult.  We unfortunately dealt with a family of mice that got into all of our grains and bread, overflowing toilets from an overtaxed septic system, difficulties with scheduling time where they felt like they could come in the living room without interrupting something (particularly when we were doing homeschool in the living room on wintery days when they couldn't get outside, etc.), and then a flat-out-broken septic system.

We also, yes, are normal human beings who dealt with hormones and disagreements and misunderstandings and had to work through those things.  But I think we're all the better for having chosen to do that rather than staying in our separate corners of the world, or even just separate corners of the house, and never letting our lives co-mingle.

As I mentioned in the other post, having weekly meetings where we could freely air grievances and work through issues proved invaluable to keep communication lines open.

Cate is now a close friend-- in many ways more like a real sister than just a friend-- and we are still growing alongside one another.  We've both seen each other feeling fat, ugly, discouraged, teary, and seen one another's strengths & weaknesses.  We've each spoken and heard hard but good things from the other  The time of being together virtually 24/7 gave us both a different sort of relational experience than we'd previously experienced... and we're both the better for it.

Nowadays, we're working through Mark Driscoll's sermons on Ephesians together, listening to them independently and then getting together once a week or so to talk through them... so far, I've been greatly encouraged and challenged.  They are EXCELLENT talks about identity and living life IN CHRIST.  I highly recommend it to you.

(3) I had Theo.  I mentioned a little bit about it here, but I'd like to write up the birth story sometime soon.

He is getting so big-- already NEARLY 4 months... which is both :) and :(.  It doesn't make a bit of difference that he is our 6th... it is always so shocking the way time flies, and the way that newbornyness fades into memories.

He is such a joy-bringer in our home... and we're all so thankful to know him!!

(4) Considering something new for homeschooling- We've done different methods of homeschooling... primarily Sonlight or Sonlight-inspired style, with lots of read alouds and time spent together on the couch, but last year was a very hodge-podge collection of workbooks and books that allowed me to just. get. through. the year.  I had no idea, upon choosing to do that at the beginning of the year, that we would end up needing a very simple and independent-style method that just allowed forward progress for each child, but praise God, He knew.  And the year went great.  The kids made progress, and I stayed sane.  Win-win.  :)

(If you're investigating your options, check out these great articles about homeschooling: HOMESCHOOL ENROLLMENT EXPLODES, and a HOMESCHOOL INFOGRAPHIC comparing public v. homeschooling).

This upcoming year, I'll be using The Mystery of History Volume I: Creation to the Resurrection as our "spine"-- the center of our curriculum.  What I love about Mystery of History 1 is that it's a comprehensive, chronological history text that combines both biblical and world history from Creation to Christ.  It is fascinating and written in a conversational style that makes teaching a wide age-group possible and even enjoyable.

Each child will be advancing on their own through Singapore or Saxon (for my oldest son) Maths.  Littler ones will keep making individual progress in reading/writing through practice, practice, practice.

We're also going to do a mega-group-study on nutrition, human anatomy/biology, diet/exercise, and cooking.   I'm super excited about this one.  In addition to using informative texts on the subjects, we'll watch documentaries, use The Great Courses curriculum for some of our lectures, cook together, and read widely on the subject.  Each of the children will be my "helper" in the kitchen one day a week, and my older two boys will each have one dinner a week that they are responsible for in its entirety (shopping list, prep, and cooking) so that they can learn about nutrition and necessary life skills.

I'm just really, really stoked about the upcoming year.

I'm also stoked about the opportunity Doug's giving me this year to get away "by myself" (with Theo of course) for a three-day planning & rest retreat, here in a couple weeks.  It will give me a chance to sit down with all the books, sort out what we'll do and make a detailed plan for the first six weeks or so, as well as to draft the overarching plan for the entire year.

Since we aren't made of money (who is, these days?), we asked friends for ideas, and it turns out that one of my close friends' has a mother-in-law who's going out of town soon and would be delighted to have me housesit for her.  Yay!  So off I'll go, by myself, soon enough.

(5) AM I CRAZY?  Every now and then Doug & I ask ourselves this, even though we don't *feel* crazy... because our lives LOOK so stinking different from "normal".   We just don't fit the mold.

Here's my answer: six kids is crazy but no more crazy than five was, LOL.  At least not yet.  :)  And I really, truly love my crazy, fun, bursting-with-life, joyful, busy home.  The relationships and discipleship happening here on a daily basis are challenging for me, and keep me spiritually honest.  I'm so thankful for the chance to spend my days with these neat people, even if they are just sinfully rotten and beautifully unique image-bearers like me.

This is a straight-up GIFT, that we're able to be together each day and learn and grow together.  I praise God for it!


So... this has gone on long enough... but that's a general update of life in my little corner of the world.  Hope life in YOUR corner is also something you're praising God for.

Inspiring Lectures: Homeschooling

When I need a boost as a homeschooler, or motivation to continue thinking BIG in my vision of homeschooling our children, there are several people I love to listen to.


One is Sir Ken Robinson.  He is a great big-picture thinker about education!  Here are some of his talks that I've found valuable & inspiring:

• Schools Kill Creativity
• A delightful animated/text/whiteboard version of one of his talks: Changing Education Paradigms
• Bring on the Learning Revolution!

Another is Andrew Pudewa who unfortunately has very few videos online.  I did find this one snippet about gender differences & teaching boys to write:

• Teaching Boys & Other Children Who Would Rather Build Forts All Day

Finally, Sally Clarkson is just flat-out inspiring & encouraging.  She's a big-picture vision-caster who also offers grace & peace to overwhelmed moms:

• Stay Focused: Transforming the Heart & the Home
• Raising Children To Make a Difference

Here are a few other random links you might find motivating, as a homeschool mom:

• My Pinterest board for homeschooling... continually updating with great, useful ideas
• "I Quit"- a Rhode Island 15-year veteran elementary school teacher reads his insightful resignation letter
• Using YouTube for Homeschooling- Ideas for using YouTube to enhance your child's learning.  Several years ago, Ethan and I got on a kick and watched several hours worth of youtube videos about beekeeping and how honey is made.  It was fascinating and a nice break to our normal school routine!
• The Argument Against Raising Well-Rounded Children- I'm not saying I agree with this lady on everything- at all- , but she's got some great ideas, and she's not afraid to share them.  Good food for thought, anyway, even if you come to other conclusions.
• The Gigantic List of Free Kindle Books for Homeschooling - You guessed it.  :)  This is a gigantic list of free Kindle books you can use for homeschooling.  Classics... great literature... wonderful selection here, and all for free.
• When Introverts Homeschool- I'm not even (technically) an introvert, although I feel more and more like one, the more time I spend with people constantly buzzing round... but this article was delightful & encouraging.  She offers great, specific & big picture ideas about how to recharge & regroup, as a homeschooling introvert.  

Blessings to all!

Don't Be a Slave to Homeschool Curriculum (Trail Blaze #1)

I'm starting a new series today that will address random topics, that I'm hoping will be like intentional "blazes" left on a trail.

I don't mean by that that everyone must walk the same road or choose the same things that I do... but just like a hiker will paint a certain colored mark on a tree indicating, "I went this way," that's my intent in this series: to share ideas, trails, perspectives that have been helpful for me and continue to be fruitful for me as I walk this journey of life.  To share the path I've taken, or the things I'm learning on the path.

At no point do I intend to set up a new form of legalism or a "method" by which you will be more holy or more right if you follow "my way"... but I do want to share ideas and patterns of thought that have been helpful in my life, marriage, parenting choices, homeschooling career, etc.

I'll call each one a "blaze" (like the painted trail markers I referenced above).  This is Blaze #1: Don't be a Slave to Homeschool Curriculum.
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One thing I've seen a good bit of in our 6 years of homeschooling (not to mention the decade+ watching homeschoolers before we ever had children) is families/women who are slaves to their curriculum.

"ONE RIGHT WAY"
One "ditch" I've seen people fall into with curriculum is the ditch of thinking that only one curriculum is the right way.  These homeschoolers have become a slave to one particular method/curriculum.

It could be that it's seen as a "godly" curriculum... could be that it's perceived as the most successful, or "educationally rigorous"... could be that they view other forms as too confining ...could be that it's what someone they admire uses.  The reason isn't as important to me as the fact that I've seen it happen enough (in a variety of styles of homeschooling) that it is evident to me that too many people become married to the particular "form" of homeschooling they use, rather than letting the form serve the larger goals for parenting, training, sharpening, and shaping their children.

"NEVER SATISFIED"
The other "ditch" I've seen is that of being a curriculum/style hopper.  These homeschoolers seem to think that if they could *ONLY* find the "right" way, their homeschool days would flow better, their kids would learn better, their patience would stretch farther, they'd find more joy in their schooling choices, their kids would obey better, etc.  So they hop from one thing to another.  They might try workbooks, co-ops, "whole book" curricula, DIY piece-it-together curriculum, this and that math program, this and that handwriting system.  One semester they might be "unschoolers," and then another they might be enrolled in several co-ops and using workbooks on top of it.

Whether out of a lack of confidence, or boredom, or for some other reason, these women quickly tire of the current choice, and are almost always on the lookout for the "next best thing."  Certainly, there are crummy curriculum choices... either crummy in and of themselves, or crummy because they don't suit the particular teacher or learner using them.  And certainly some curricula are more biblical, or will be better suited to a wider variety of learners, etc.  And different methods/approaches will produce different results and different attitudes within the hearts and minds of those using them.  But no curriculum or method, in and of itself, is a savior.  Some will "fit" better than others, but none will magically solve every problem you face.

SO THEN, WHAT IS THE ANSWER?
To answer these "ditches", I don't have a one-size-fits-all answer.

I would encourage different homeschool moms in different ways.  One might need to hear: "don't focus in on using THIS METHOD so much as in reaching your child's heart!", and another might need to hear: "stop jumping around so much.  Pick a solid, mainstream math curriculum (one of the tried and true) and unless there are real learning issues involved, stick with it for several years.  Don't handicap your child by continually jumping from one to another which will end up creating gaps in their math education."  Some moms need to hear, "lighten up and let your kids enjoy learning!"  And some probably need to hear, "buckle down and don't leave your children at a disadvantage because of your own lack of self-discipline."

The main thing I want to say is, rather than being a slave to your homeschool curriculum (whether by believing that only one method is the "best" and overlooking issues arising with your family because of the problems with it, or by hopping so much that you and your kids never have time to stop and really adjust to and absorb the material), let your curriculum serve your family's needs.  It's fine to stick with one curriculum all the way through, and it is fine to use a wide variety of materials and methods as you teach your children... the main thing is to let nothing enslave you.

Keep the end in mind as you determine which "means" you will use to get there.  Pray and seek guidance from the Spirit.  Talk with your husband, and let his warnings and cautions and insights ruminate in your heart.  Seek counsel, if need be, from wise men and women who are farther down the "road" than you.

Rather than focusing on finding the "perfect" curriculum, or having the "perfect" homeschool family, focus on following the Spirit's leading for what God has planned for your family in this season.  Trust that He will lead you.  And then don't get sidetracked from that vision.  Let the curriculum serve you, and the purposes God has laid out for you.  And then be at peace.



Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Most-Spoken Homeschool "Lecture"

You ready for it?  I've been homeschooling for 6 years, and this is by far the mini-lecture I have given the most.  It's the pep talk I give in response to "I CAN'T DO THIS!", or even, "I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS!!!"  I've spoken it countless times to Ethan, and have had to whip it out fairly frequently here lately with Baxter (he's hit multiplication tables and needs the reminder almost daily)...

Here it is:

"This is how you get better.  I know it's hard right now, and you feel frustrated.  But do you remember how hard it used to seem to write your name with a capital letter at the front, and have all the other letters be lowercase?  Or how hard it seemed to read those little 8-page readers that Maranatha is reading now?  But now doing all of that is easy-peasy to you.  It wouldn't even take any effort at all if I asked you to do that.  Just like that, this (whether I'm talking about reading harder books or multiplication tables or whatever) will one day seem super-easy to you too.   

Now, look at me in my eyes.  (wait for them to look)  You can DO this.  You can.  God has made your mind curious and intelligent.  Mama says you can do this, and you really CAN.  This is how your brain is going to grow and become more capable.  I know what you are capable of, and I think if you stretch your brain just a little bit, you can reach this and do it well.  Now, let's get to it."

Sometimes I follow this up with "now go wash off your face and come out ready to work"... if they've been crying.  Sometimes it's given with a hug and snuggles, if I see that they are genuinely (not just manipulatively, but GENUINELY) feeling as if they really *can't* do this.  Sometimes it's a little more stern, and sometimes it's a little more soft.  But this lecture has become oft-visited and oft-spoken.  Last week I actually heard my 10-year-old giving part of this pep-talk to my 8-year-old when he was feeling frustrated about reading something more challenging.

Teaching our children to trust in us... to look at what they've accomplished and realize that just like we said they could do THAT back *then*, and they did (whether it was wiping up a mess or tying a shoe or reading a sentence or changing their attitude or whatever), that they can trust us in THIS NOW... is so important.

Over time, the process of homeschooling builds confidence for both us as moms & teachers, and for them as kids & as students.  It teaches us as moms to not exasperate our children, but to really watch for readiness and make sure that what we are asking of them is reasonable and within their grasp.  It builds relationship as they learn to listen to us, and to trust our judgment, that we can see farther than they can.

And it builds trust in God for all of us as we see, day-in & day-out, that God really did give them minds that are capable.  Capable to do certain tasks adequately, and capable to do some things extraordinarily well.  God has built our children's minds well, according to His purposes, and it is such a privilege to be a part of shaping and molding those minds.

Anyway, I just shared this mini-lecture with a friend tonight and thought I'd share it here as well.  Hope it encourages some of you, or at least, gives insight into how I've come to deal with that "barrier" of "I CAN'T DO THIS!!!" in our homeschool setting.

Homeschooling & Realistic Expectations

I just wanted to share a small snippet of wisdom I received years ago that has helped me have a realistic expectation toward myself as a homeschooling mom.  When I participated actively on Sonlight Forums (which helped me greatly as I was getting acclimated to homeschooling), a more experienced mom shared this:

She told her husband he could come home to any 3 of the following:

• a clean house  

• clean, brushed, bathed, dressed children 

• educated children 

• a hot meal 

•  a "willing" wife 

But he could only pick 3 per day.  :D  I love that.  I can do it all, but not in one day. 

And many of us have other things to fit in too... perhaps you are in a situation where you have to fit in some part time hours of work, or language learning (lessons, study, & practice) several hours a day, or maybe you have an aging parent or grandparent that you care for.  

Mama, BE GRACIOUS toward yourself.  Give yourself the gift of realistic expectations, knowing you CANNOT DO IT ALL, ALL AT ONCE.  Rely on God.  Do the things you can do.  And don't feel bad or take on guilt from magazines, from Mrs. Perfection at your church, or from some false set of expectations thrust on you from another person.  

Do what you can do, and don't feel badly that some things fall through the cracks. The world will go on spinning if the bath gets skipped for today or if the dishes sit on the counter overnight.   Rest.  Trust.  And choose joy as you "do the next thing."




(***In case anyone is wondering what it is, the picture is of my 6 year old and 4 year old helping me brine the turkey for Thanksgiving, in a refrigerator drawer.***)

The Pain of Discipline

Two nights ago, my husband was sick with food poisoning or some vile intestinal virus.  Though our medicine cabinet is chock-full of bottles and boxes, we had no digestive meds.  So, around midnight, eyes heavy and ready for sleep hours earlier (don't judge! remember, I'm 26 weeks pregnant!), off to CVS I went.  We were up until 1 or 2...

Then last night, while hanging out with my brother and sister-in-law and their family (who we rarely get to see), Moses spewed all over my lap, then all over himself.  Two baths and two new outfits later, we headed home in the car and about 3 minutes into our 14 minute drive, he spewed again, all over his new outfit and carseat, and not into the bag we gave him to throw up in (of course).  No, that bag was smooshed down in his anguished projectile-vomit-style hurls.

And you know what horrific thing I saw each night?  No, I don't mean the physical sights... YUCK.

I saw my own ugliness of heart.  I saw my own selfishness, desire for sleep despite the needs of people I love.  I saw my own impatience as I grumped at Doug last night.  I saw a demanding of my own rights, even if internally, though Jesus "was in the form of God and did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant."

Discipline.  God is disciplining me.  Showing me my weak spots and training me.  Giving me opportunities to do right or do poorly, and then shining light into ugly corners of my heart.

This passage in Hebrews is among my favorites.  Don't glaze over it because it's long, or because it's familiar... really read each word.  Take them in:

"6  My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him.  For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.  7  It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as sons.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  8  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  9  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.  Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?   10  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness.  11  For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  ~Hebrews 12: 6-11

In that passage, I bolded the parts that particularly encourage me as a believer, and I underlined the parts that encourage me as a parent.  Here's a quick bulleted list of what some take aways are from this wonderful passage about discipline:

GOD'S FATHERLY DISCIPLINE:

• We may be likely to minimize, and/or grow weary of the discipline of the Lord... but we should not do this. (v. 6)
• God's motive for discipline is His love for us. (v. 6)
• If we do not receive the Father's discipline, we are not truly his children. (vv. 6-8)
• We should do more than just respect it as a human respects his father for having disciplined/trained him rightly... we should willingly subject ourselves to His discipline so that we will truly live.  (v. 9)
• God disciplines us for our good. (v. 10)
• God's discipline has the purpose/end of us sharing in His holiness (His purity & set-apartness). (v. 10)
• His discipline will seem painful rather than pleasant. (v. 11)
• His discipline will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness in our lives, if we submit to His training. (v. 11)

HUMAN PARENTAL DISCIPLINE:

• Human fathers disciplining their children is assumed to be a universal truth for all parents/children. (v. 7)
• Those children who are not disciplined are being treated like illegitimate children, not sons and daughters. (v. 8)
• When earthly fathers discipline, earthly children respect them. (v. 9)
• Discipline in the life of a child happens in a "short" window of time. (v. 10)
• Human discipline differs according to "what seems best" to the parent. (v. 10)
• All true discipline will seem painful rather than pleasant. (v. 11)
• True discipline will yield a peaceful fruit of righteousness in the lives of those who have been trained by it. (v. 11)

I am thankful for the role of mom, as it has taught me the importance of training our own kids up, with love and consistency, and it also makes me more willing to submit myself to the discipline of the Lord, knowing how much more perfect His motives and methods are than my own.  Though painful, and though we'd never (in our flesh) choose it, it is so good to see God's hand at work, knowing He means it for our good.

Early "Homeschooling": Infancy to Toddlerhood

(This is a repost from several years ago.  I hope it will help those of you who are new moms, have preschoolers, or are considering how to begin homeschooling.  ~Jess)

Early Homeschooling: Infancy to Toddlerhood

A young mom recently wrote in with a question:

Q: I noticed that you homeschool, and wondered what you did with your children before they were old enough to begin traditional a traditional curriculum. I am a new mom to a sweet, beautiful 5.5 month old girl, and am wondering what I can be doing now to prepare her for home-school. I have checked out a few books onbaby games and infant development from our local library, but wondered if you had any suggestions or resources that you used.

Here is my answer to her (and to anyone else who's interested):

A: Congratulations on your daughter. What a sweet gift.

As far as what to do with infants... read together, crawl together, interact! No TV, except for rare, careful occasions, if you must. Snuggle, talk, giggle, tickle. Talk to her in an adult voice unless you're just playing a game. Don't babytalk; use normal words. As she gets older (closer towards 2), you can play drama/expression games...
"make a sad face, now an excited face, now let's pretend to be surprised, now happy, etc." And, "let's talk like cowboys, like giants, like little babies, like ladies, in a whisper, in loud voices", etc. Tell lots of Bible stories and act them out as she gets older. Teach simple Bible verses ("children, obey your parents", "When I am afraid, I will trust in You.", "trust in the Lord with all your heart", "the Lord is our Shepherd"), and talk about what they mean and how they apply in day-to-day life (at night when we're scared, when we don't want to obey, when we need to be cared for, etc.).

As they get older, teach them to make circles and lines. Put out small toys for them to draw like a still life artist would do. Talk about numbers, sing the ABC song, count lots and lots, name colors as you see them "The green trees, that red truck, your yellow shirt, my purple socks," etc. Do puzzles together and talk about how and why certain pieces fit together and others don't. Let her sit up next to you and "read" for 30 minutes or more. Let her see that books are important in YOUR life. Let her sit up next to you as you read the Bible (she can "read" hers too... simply Bible story books, etc.), so that she sees YOUR dependence on the Word.

Teach things like height, weight, and volume in terms of real-world objects (height: trees, buildings, cars, people, babies, flowers; weight: penny, book, cat, full laundry basket, daddy, car; volume:medicine dropper, cup, trash can, tanker truck, swimming pool, etc.). Around 3 or 4, she'll be interested in writing her name. So teach her how. Teach her the sounds that the letters make (rather than only calling it an "p", make the sound it makes-- "puh" so she hears the sound too... this will help later with reading. Side note-- emphasize the consonant sound-- and minimize any vowel sound you use... like above, instead of PUUUUUH, keep it short: Puh.).

Let her stack bowls/cups on the floor of the kitchen while you throw dinner together. Let her join you in cooking as she is able... counting "cups"... showing what "half" means, etc. When putting on shoes, talk about pairs, and how a pair means two, "see? one, two shoes. That makes one pair." You can use hands and feet to introduce the concept of counting in fives. Talk about money and debt in terms of the grocery store bill, or as you fill up your gas tank. Use the real world to teach her as much as possible.

These sorts of things are the best ways to "homeschool" from the very beginning. I highly recommend a book called "Home GrownKids" that talks about this very thing in much greater detail... it's written by Raymond & Dorothy Moore, some of the early proponents (in this generation) for homeschooling.

Many blessings-- what a neat time you are in-- enjoy every day and make sweet memories with your daughter!