Summer Sabbatical

Well, I've been mulling this for a while, and I just need a break. I've got four precious children and an incredible man who deserve more of my attention than I'm currently giving.

I don't know about you guys, but this whole internet thing can really take over your life if you're not careful... and it can all be for good stuff-- Facebook to keep up with friends (good), homeschool groups online to keep up with schooling objectives and get wise advice when you need it (good), and blogs, glorious blogs to constantly stretch and challenge you, and to learn so very much about our world (also good). But it can eat away at life. REAL life. Life with family, celebrating birthdays and ordinary days. Life with friends, encouraging one another, enjoying jokes and sharing delicious meals. Life with children, teaching and training about God as we tickle and giggle and play family hide & go seek. Life.

I'm not quitting; I enjoy blogging too much for that. It not only gives me an outlet to process and share what I'm learning and taking in, but it also sharpens and challenges me in so many oh-so-wonderful ways.

That said, I just need a break. I'll be back. Maybe at the end of the summer or so. But until then, feel free to look around... through the archives and such, in the right-hand sidebar. Especially the "Show & Tells"-- you'll find so many links worth reading there.

I'll look forward to enjoying many more good discussions with you all about family, marriage, the Bible, and womanhood. Blessings to you and I hope you have a delightful rest of the summer, full of family, friends, and an ever-richer relationship with Christ Jesus our Lord.


[ETA: You can always e-mail me @ MakingHome@pobox.com]

A Woman, Her Mid-Life Crisis, & the Bible

As I've read through this "Women Helping Women" book that I began last week (I'm loving it, by the way-- and I highly recommend it!), I've been struck by one thing in particular. Though I've read about many different difficult life circumstances and how to biblically serve and counsel the women in each situation, the one that has been the most sad to me is the woman who is caught off-guard at mid-life.

• Perhaps she's peri-menopausal and has pursued her career all this time and now is faced with the fact that she can't have biological children.
• Perhaps her children have been the center of her life and identity and now she has an empty nest.
• Perhaps her husband has left her and "traded her in" for a younger, newer model.
• Perhaps she's always been admired for her external beauty and now must face the reality of her declining physiology.
• Perhaps caring for aging parents catches her off-guard and attacks her sense of peace and security, as well as wearing her out physically, emotionally, and mentally.
• Often the years seem to have passed too quickly and she may feel used up
  

Whatever the case, the mid-life "crisis" is indeed something we need to brace ourselves for-- and try to prepare for, I think.

The facts are these:

1. There are chemical changes going on with women at this point. They are real. They are (from what I read, understand, and have seen) difficult to deal with. They are unpredictable and maddening at times.
2. There are almost always significant life changes going on with women at this point. They are sometimes heart-wrenching and nearly always leave women to have to find something new on which to focus.
3. God has provided a specific role for women at this age. Titus 2 gives maturing, experienced women a new place to invest... once they have raised their own families, managed a household, and lived as a disciple of Christ, they are to invest in passing that wisdom and the things that they've learned to younger women. God has given the middle-aged woman an important job! This is not the time to check out, or to disengage. When we reach this stage, we must remember that we are still desperately needed in the battle!

A LOOK AT NAOMI'S MID-LIFE CRISIS
Last night, while listening to Doug read the story of Ruth to the children during family Bible time, I was struck by the fact that Naomi is a classic biblical example of a mid-life crisis gone right. Incredibly difficult things had happened in her life and caused her to despair. She was stuck in a season of bitterness and dejection. She was so physically altered from her younger years that her friends asked each other, "is that really Naomi?" Her husband and sons had all died, her beauty, youth, and vitality was apparently gone, and her situation seemed hopeless.

Not only was Naomi in the throes of a very difficult season of life, but she was also stuck with two grieving, pagan daughters-in-law. She could take no more and decided to go home to Bethlehem. Though she urged them to remain in their home land, they journeyed on with her. After another urging, one of the young woman, Orpah, decided to return home. (An interesting sidenote: apparently, Jewish sages contend that Orpah was the grandmother of Goliath.)

BUT THEN THERE WAS RUTH...
But Ruth gave Naomi's life new hope. We see here what a breath of fresh air a younger woman can be for an older woman! To be loved, to be needed, to feel relevant and like you have something to offer-- Ruth gave Naomi all of these things. Naomi may have died quickly after her journey back to Bethlehem had it not been for Ruth... as we read of Ruth out scavenging through fields, it seems that Naomi was physically exhausted and amazed at Ruth's provision-- something she could not have done for herself. Naomi also seems to lack joy in her heart that would give her the motivation to make a life "from scratch" in Bethlehem. But Ruth gives her the motivation she needs.

BLESSING UPON BLESSING
And as Ruth pours her life and heart into helping and serving Naomi, Ruth is blessed in remarkable and eternal ways. But, conversely, as Naomi pours her life and heart into Ruth, Naomi is blessed. Blessed far beyond anything she could have ever done in Moab with two pagan sons in a pagan land. In fact, without Ruth's tenacity, we likely wouldn't even know that Naomi existed. And though Naomi isn't actually in the blood lineage of Christ, she becomes a fellow mother-in-law alongside a great woman of faith, the prostitute Rahab (Boaz's mother). Not only that, but she serves as grandmother to the grandfather of King David!

What an amazing "second half" of life God gave to Naomi! (In fact, a book has been written on that very theme: Second Calling: Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life.) We need to take this to heart and not look with sadness at growing older-- though our culture SCREAMS in our ears that we become less and less beautiful, less and less useful, and less and less valuable as we age-- and instead, purpose that we will invest in others and continue to be used by God, maybe even more mightily in the second half of life.

I can't speak for you, but I pray that God will grow my usefulness and ability to love, minister, and effectively reach younger women as I grow older. I pray that I won't fall into a "carefree retirement", or like the book of Titus warns about, become an old biddy who takes more delight in having fun with wine than in pouring my heart and life out for the next generations. Father, keep us from it! Help us to remember how you took Naomi-- a broken, tired, bitter older woman-- and used her gloriously in Your incredible plan for humanity! Grow us into useful, godly older women, I pray!


Related reading: Putting Age in Perspective

Alistair Begg on Comparing Your Spouse

Heard this today and decided to transcribe it and share it with you:

"Do we really think that we can sit on the plane and leaf through People magazine... and read about the exploits of the rich, the famous, the foolish, the cute... allow those images to penetrate the computer of our brain, and then realistically to apply the Bible to our marriage?

The fact is, it can't be done. And the degree to which we play with that stuff in our minds is the degree to which we make it increasingly difficult to live out this principle-- namely, DON'T COMPARE YOUR SPOUSE UNFAVORABLY WITH OTHERS in terms of looks, abilities, or anything." -- Alistair Begg, "How to Avoid Marital Failure"

And this was a bit later in the sermon:

"Don't take someone of the opposite sex into precincts that are the exclusive domain of your spouse. What does it mean? It means this: there's a lady in your office who thinks you've got broad shoulders and she'd like to cry on them? Tell her to keep moving. Go find someone else to cry on cause your shoulders are only for one girl to cry on, or more if you've got daughters.

(imitating someone else's voice) 'What, you call yourself a pastor and you say things like that?'

Yeah, cause I want to be a sensible pastor. Cause I want to be a married pastor. Cause I want to be a pure pastor for my kids growing up underneath me.

...Don't be so naive as to think that we can take into our lives that kind of stuff. You can't do it; you're not supposed to do it. You start to understand the principles of women ministering to women and men ministering to men... The only intimacy that should be enjoyed with someone of the opposite sex should be your wife or your husband, your sons or your daughters." --Alistair Begg, "How to Avoid Marital Failure"

After these (and a few other) things NOT to do, he added these prescriptions for marriage

(1) Be daily in prayer for the health of your marriage and the harmony of your home
(2) Be sacrificial in the expression of your love for each other. (Ask yourself, "what have I done in the last 7 days that was an act of sacrifice on my part for my spouse?")
(3) Be imaginative, daring, and occasionally extravagant in displaying your affection.
(4) Be sure that you don't use your children as the "glue" that holds you or the "wedge" that separates you. ("Remember this: the kids are the ones that are leaving-- we're the ones that are staying.")
(5) Be ruthless in resisting anyone or anything that will draw your affections from each other.
(6) Be ready to listen to, and willing to speak, about what's going on inside each other's heads.
(7) Be certain that a great marriage is possible with divine enabling and human effort.
(8) Be aware of how quickly time is passing, and seize the day.

And there's so much more worth hearing if you can track down this sermon. I highly recommend Alistair Begg's podcast, called Truth for Life.

Pregnancy is Like Engagement, and other random musings for pregnant moms...

Whenever people ask what they should be reading or doing while pregnant, it always makes me think of the engagement time before a wedding. During the engagement period, most women are planning their weddings (a one day event), and very few are reading, learning, and being mentored in the ways of marriage. Is it any wonder our marriages are weak and falling apart?

In the same way, most pregnant women read 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' (I did too, I'm not bashing it at all!)... and the shelves of the pregnancy section at bookstores are full of journals, books full of advice, funny stories, and magazines focused on learning about the time leading up to a one-day event (labor/delivery). But very few 1st-time pregnant women are reading, learning, and being mentored in the ways of parenting.

I think it's great to have a developmental book or website where you can keep up to date on the growth of that sweet baby. It's so fun to know which parts are developing and how big they are! And that's a special part of pregnancy.

And I would recommend that you either sit down with a well-educated midwife or mom of many and learn about the phases of labor and what your body will do-- OR read a great book about it/watch a good video about it. Because, to make a long story short: It hurts. And you can do it. Knowing about it, though, makes it less stressful and empowers you to feel more confident throughout the process.


LEARN ABOUT THE NEXT THING
But the main thing I wanted to share, though, is this: In my life, I try to learn about the next thing. Not that I'm not satisfied in or enjoying what's going on NOW-- I am! But I try to learn about what's coming up next.

Like, right now, I'm watching and learning about the adolescent years and watching families going through those last few years of having a child in the home. Which may sound crazy. But the fact of the matter is that I have less than 5 years before I'm the mom of a pre-teen. And then, before I know it, I'll have a high schooler, and then I'll blink my eyes, and we'll have raised a young man. He'll turn 6 next week, but he's not going to stop having those birthdays. And if the "teen" years are as difficult to wade through as so many say, then I need to be gleaning all the wisdom I can--now.

When I was pregnant, I was asking questions about breastfeeding and sleeping habits. When I was nursing, I was asking questions about potty training and tantrums. When I was raising a 2 year old, I was starting to look into homeschooling. And now that I've got an early elementary aged kid, I'm reading about adolescence, about the transition from boyhood to manhood, and asking as many questions as I can from parents around us and the men that I know (mostly, my husband).

I'll be honest- I don't really get the mentality of only muddling through or bracing myself for each phase. I don't just want to muddle through-- I want to do it WELL! As well as I can, anyhow. And you probably feel the same way. I want to learn from others' mistakes and not think I have it all together... if others have a well-behaved toddler and I'm just snuggling with a newborn, then that is a great opportunity to try to "peek" into their lives and ask about and watch what they've done. If I'm just teaching my Kindergartner how to read, I can be reading about how to disciple teenagers. No matter what age my kids are, I can always be learning from parents who have "successfully" raised young adults who love Jesus and live godly lives.

If you don't already do this, I'd encourage you to learn from those who are slightly ahead of you on the road. Ask about the hows and whys of their parenting and family relationships.

SO MY ADVICE IS...
So, to the pregnant women out there (several of you have written lately to ask for book recommendations or ideas), I'd encourage you to read about parenting in the early years. And don't just take someone's advice because it sounds good or right-- look at how their parenting lines up with the Bible, and look at their children's countenance, behavior, and attitudes. There's a lot of advice and opinions out there to be had, but plenty of it is not only unbiblical but will produce miserable children who are miserable to be around. Give yourself enough time to really think, research, and pray about the options and methods you see around you and read about.

Don't wait until your daughter or son falls on the floor screaming and flailing around before you think through how you'll deal with a tantrum. Don't wait until your child slaps you in the face and screams "NO!" in the middle of a shopping trip to decide what kind of offenses will get a spanking. Don't solely parent by reacting... do some pro-active thinking now about your general philosophies and approaches to various parenting scenarios. Start getting "on the same page" with your husband now, so that when these things start happening, you all can approach parenting as a team rather than at odds with one another.

You'll be so glad later that you took the time now to look a few steps in front of you, in an effort to try to avoid missteps there, even while enjoying the view right where you are. That's my general advice to you moms-to-be out there. :) I'll list some specific book titles I personally have learned a lot from in the comments section. Any other thoughts or questions from moms-to-be?

Because I'm a mom and this is my blog and they are just so doggone cute. :-)

Sometimes I just wanna share pictures of the sweetest little people in my life.

I love seeing my kiddos laughing together.

Ethan is now not only a Settlers of Catan player-- he is an addict. And he's good. What I want to know is, who does this before they're even 6 years old???

We sometimes call her "Princess Crazy Hair" because of how wispy her hair is these days. But this pigtailstravaganza puts a whole new spin on "crazy". :-)

And then there's my smiley little Silas. What a precious little guy.

Every now and then, I just have to break into all the discussions and heavy topics and share stuff like this so you'll have a visual picture of what motivates me to do this home and family thing with passion. :-) Thanks for indulging me.

Let's Talk House Cleaning...

So I've heard/read a few sayings lately about housecleaning, and I wanted to share them and see if you had any thoughts or responses to them. I think they are all interesting, though decidedly different, perspectives on housekeeping.

#1-

"If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,

it's because I have better things to do with my time."

#2-

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
~Phyllis Diller

#3-

"Keep your home clean enough to be healthy,
and dirty enough to be happy."

#4-

"The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes."
~Agatha Christie

#5-

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
~The evil stepmother on Everafter, among other sources

So, pick one or two and share how it either supports or flies in the face of your "philosophy" of house cleaning, eh?

(And if you're a really great housekeeper, share a few tips as well, so those of us who are, ahem, less "gifted" in that particular area can learn from you!)