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Book Review: How I Write by Janet Evanovich

In the outset, I need to admit that I've never read a Janet Evanovich novel. I gather that they are somewhat-steamy romantic books with fun-loving, self-deprecating main characters who are always in a lovable bind. I'm not a romance book reader, and actually have serious concerns/disagreements with the way these books are written, and the way they often lead to unrealistic, physically-founded male-female relationships rather than promoting whole (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical) & God-honoring relationships between a man and woman.

However, when I came across her tome on writing at Half Price Books, How I Write: Secrets of a Bestselling Author, I knew I needed to get it and read it. As with people I encounter in real life, no one is "out of bounds" as a person that I can learn from (whether that is what TO do/be, or what NOT to do/be).

Janet Evanovich is a delightful and inspirational person who has written fiction that resonates and continually draws humans to read, so despite the fact that she writes in a genre I eschew (and do not desire to emulate), the general disciplines and attitude she brings to writing are valuable and worthy for examination and learning. Her tips on character and plot development, editing and refining, and pursuing publication are encouraging and honest. I highly recommend the book.

Let me share a few things I loved:

• It is immensely READABLE. This is not professorial, heady language; you will not struggle to stay awake. She writes like you would expect her to speak to you over a nice dinner. Evanovich offers specific answers and good writing advice, but delivers it with wit and cheer.
• She EFFICIENTLY offers advice. She answers the questions, but does not shilly-shally about, or belabor her points. 
• Examples are given to lend CREDIBILITY to her advice. Her book is thoughtfully peppered with passages from her books in order to display how to write a memorable character, how to up the ante when writing a tense scene, how to braid together backstory and plot advancement in a clever dialogue. She also offers helpful, detailed visual aids for query letters and standard manuscript formatting.
• Evanovich is TRUTHFUL. While she offers plenty of encouragement TO write, this is no pie-in-the-sky "you can do it" motivational speech. She shares about her ten years of rejection letters, and continually points back to a "sit down and start typing" approach to getting the job done.

A few favorite quotes:

• "When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line."
• "All writers are people watchers. If you want characters that ring true, take a really close look at the people around you... then let your imagination run wild."
• "Nothing is more tedious than reading a story where every character uses identical speech patterns.
• "I don't get writers block because I don't believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen."
• "I construct a small outline before I begin, but the book comes alive as I'm writing, and I generate  ideas as I go. I know where the story will go and how it will end, but the details happen as I write."
• "Lots of times I'm not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward."
• "I like knowing that I have a day ahead of me and at the end of that day I will have created something that did not exist that morning."

If you're a writer, or a writer-wanna-be, you'll want to buy her book.  It's an excellent source of wit and wisdom from a bestselling author who has done it, and is doing it, day in, day out.

Help For Women Under Stress FREE on Kindle (today & tomorrow only)

Heads up! Do you have a Kindle or Kindle app? 

You'll want to head over to Amazon and download the newly-updated version of Randy Alcorn's book, Help For Women Under Stress.  

It's FREE today and tomorrow (Wed, 10/16) ONLY. NOTE: IT HAS BEEN EXTENDED THROUGH THE 17th! 

I've read the old version and it was excellent. I can't wait to read this new-and-improved version. Grab it while you can!

The Stay-at-Home Mom's Guide to NaNoWriMo

"One day, I'd like to write a novel."  

Millions of people have likely spoken those words (whether out loud or in their own heads).  And yet, few accomplish it.

If you've got "write a novel" on your bucket list, but haven't ever done it, NaNoWriMo-- National Novel Writing Month-- in November of each year is an opportunity for you to change that.  It's a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants global event with the goal of writing a 50,000 (or more) word novel in 30 days or less (by the end of November).  

"But I'm a lowly/ tired/ overworked/ underpaid/ busy/ overwhelmed/ barely-keeping-it-together stay-at-home-mom," you might say.  Maybe you're the mom of toddlers.  Maybe you're a homeschool mom.  Perhaps you have multiple preschoolers clamoring for your attention (phrases like "color with me" and "help me go potty, mommy" fill your days).

All of these are truly challenging, you'll get no argument from me about that.  I've been in each of those scenarios, multiple times over, and-- trust me-- I get it.  

Nonetheless, here I am, encouraging you to consider participating in 2013's NaNoWriMo.  

WHO SHOULD PARTICIPATE?

A few caveats, first:

(1) If you have a newborn, please don't think I'm aiming this at you.  Snuggle in and nurse your newborn and take in these irreplaceable moments, and don't feel the least bit guilty for resting and bonding and sleeping and barely-keeping-your-head-above-water for as long as you need to.  

(2) If you're not a writer-- and by that I mean something akin to this quote by Sylvia Plath, "I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still"-- there is no shame in just being who you are and not taking on extra commitments and guilt for something that's not how God created you to be.  Please don't think I'm aiming this at you.  

(3) If this isn't the right season of life for you to participate (and only you can be the judge of this-- I passed by a half dozen years of NaNoWriMo before the time came for me to participate), please don't take on a lick of guilt.  Pass right on by this article and seriously, don't make this part of the cacophany of voices making you feel guilty for not doing or being enough.  

To all of you, I say: Go in peace.  

But for the rest of you... 

To the stay-at-home mom who has been bursting to get a story out onto paper, the woman who used to write but hasn't lately and feels the loss of it, the gal who wonders if she can do it, the girl who loves a good gauntlet thrown down and feels the adrenaline rushing the minute there's a goal to achieve... whoever you are, and whatever your reasons are for participating, you may be wondering, Can I really do it?  

Read on, sister.

WHAT SHOULD I WRITE?

A novel.  

While some people use NaNoWriMo to propel them forward in their short story or poetic writings, the main thrust of NaNoWriMo is novel writing (thus the "No"-- standing for novel).

Never written a novel before?

Neither had I.  Until NaNoWriMo 2012.  With 5 kids in tow (and our 6th in utero), I jumped in with both feet, wrote like crazy, and got to 53,000 words in the month of November.  

But (in Cat-In-the-Hat phrasing), that wasn't all, oh no, that wasn't all.  

Because I was a NaNoWriMo finalist (meaning, I reached that 50,000 word goal), I earned the right to receive 5 professionally-printed copies of my novel from CreateSpace (an incredible prize!).  But though I'd written 50,000+ words, I hadn't actually *FINISHED* my novel.  So in June, I took time to finish up my novel (bringing it near 75,000 words) and then ordered my printed copies.

What a wonderful prize!  

And even though I knew they were coming, it was utterly delightful, and overwhelming, to hold a copy of my novel.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I'd done it.  What's more, I knew I wanted to do it again.

So, my advice to you this: WRITE. YOUR. NOVEL.  It's the one only you can write.  

WHEN CAN I WRITE?

Here's a list of ideas specifically crafted for the busy stay-at-home-mom to participate in NaNoWriMo:

• Wake up an hour or two (or even three) before the kids wake up.  Write like the dickens, or write like Dickens.  Either way works.
• Write while they eat.  Choose & prepare easy things for you (power bars, salads prepped the night before that you can just pull from a plastic tupperware in the fridge) so that while the kids are eating, you can use that 20-40 minute time slot to write like mad.
• Write while they nap.  If your kids don't nap, implement a one or two hour quiet time each day where looking at/reading books or quiet drawing/coloring are the only options.  They'll be the better for it, and your novel will be the better for it.  
• Write while they play.  Set them up with toys near you (within 5-10 feet of you) each on a separate blanket, or in a separate spot, and let them play with one toy set at a time.  You could even set a timer, where they can trade out to a new set every 20 minutes or so.  Then, write as much as you can while they play independently.  
• Write while they run around in the backyard or at the park.  Let them run out their craziness while you write seated nearby.  If you're at the park, you'll only want to do this if you're the only one at the park at that particular time, but in your backyard, shut the fence and let them run like wild banshees while you crank out a few scenes.
• Write after they go to bed.  Get them in bed by 8.  Even the sleepiest among us can afford to stay up until 10 to get in two hours of writing.  Or, you could stay up until 1 or 2 and get a crazy-huge amount of writing in.
• Write once your husband gets home from work.  Assuming he's on board with this thing, ask him to pitch in extra during this one month a year and take over for you once he gets home.  You hop on back to your bed and write like mad.  
• Write while they read/color/listen to audiobook/watch a movie.  I'm loathe to suggest that last option.  TV-watching/movie is not something you want to make a habit of, and yes, I realize I'm talking to moms living in a crazy screen-addicted nation.  Nonethless, NaNoWriMo may be a good reason to allow a little extra TV viewing.  (And there are EXCELLENT programs like The Magic School Bus, National Geographic videos about animals, MathTacular!, and Liberty's Kids that would actually be beneficial.)

WHERE CAN I WRITE?

Of course, I just gave you a slew of ideas.  Here's a few more:

• Seated on a stool at the kitchen counter.
• At the dining table while the family eats.
• On your couch while they play around you.
• Propped up in your bed while your husband snores.
• At your local coffee shop (although this is too distracting for me, some people find it productive)
• While you take one kid to play rehearsal/music lesson/sports practice

HOW CAN I WRITE?

This one usually pertains to, "I'm so busy", "the kids are so wild", "the house will be a wreck", "what will we eat?" sort of reasons.   

• Let the house go to pot.  Yes, this is particular meant for you, house-cleaning-nazi mom (this would not be me).  For you, you have permission to let the house go a little haywire for a month. It could mean the difference between holding a lovely printed copy of your novel in your own hands, and not.
• CUT BACK on things that will make more work for you.  Let the kids wear pajamas all day to cut back on laundry.  Use paper plates.  For the month of November, don't buy the granola bars that have the little bits of oats that the kids inevitably spill all over the floor.  Structure your life with more intentional simplicity this month.
• CONVENIENCE FOOD.  This doesn't have to mean no nutrition, mind you.  But your food choices need to be faster and more leftover-friendly this month.  Consider meals like: a big pot of soup that can last for 2-3 meals, frozen pizza stashed away to use in a pinch, salad & fixings that can be prepped all at once and left in the fridge to grab and use for the next 3-5 days, etc.  
• STOP the Candy-crushing.  STOP the Pinning.  STOP the mindless habitual Facebook browsing.  STOP the blog-hopping.  Cut out the unnecessary and unhelpful.  Don't even go there.  Exercise a massive amount of self-discipline and don't even go there.  OR, set a daily goal with these things as your "carrot" for reaching the goal (i.e., "Every time I reach an increment of 5,000 in my word count, I can browse Pinterest for an hour.").
• STOP using the internet function on your computer.  This is another means of disciplined self-control.  You can turn off your wi-fi or just not open your web browser.  It only takes a few days for your habits to shift & you'll be off and writing!
• Get your spouse on board.  You'll get so much more accomplished if they agree that this is a fruitful use of your extra time for the month of November, and agree to help out more than normal.  Ask for their support in not griping about the house going to pot and the meals being less fancy, and perhaps even for some full-time solo parenting while you write in solitude.
• If you're a homeschool mom, consider not schooling for the month of November, or at least doing less schooling.  Perhaps you're in a state that requires you to do it.  Fine, no problem-- get after it!  And write at other times.  Or, assign work they can do independently, and take a break from read-alouds with mom during this month.  Older students can join you in the Young Writer's Program of NaNoWriMo as part of their writing/language subject matter.  Last year, I started schooling in July so taking a break in November was no big deal.  There were still days when they asked to do it, and so I went ahead and put together their work so that they could be productive in school while I was productively writing.  But at least consider how you can creatively shift their schooling around to allow for your writing to be most productive. 
• Keep your Thanksgiving plans in a tight box.  It doesn't mean you can't celebrate, but don't let it consume days and days and days of your time.  If it's important to you, treat it like a weekend "off": set aside a day to cook, and a day to celebrate, but then GET BACK to writing.  
• Jump on my NaNoWriMo Pinterest board, get yourself a quick visual peptalk, and then get back to writing!
• Set goals.  Goals help you along.  On the NaNoWriMo user dashboard, there's a wonderful little bar chart that lets you visually track your progress toward the 50k wordcount goal.  Use it.  Set daily goals.  "Before I go to sleep tonight, I'll hit 6,000."  "I'm going to crank out two scenes before I go get groceries."  And set overarching goals.  "I'm going to write 5 days a week and each day I'm going to write at least 2,000 words."  "If I fall behind one day, I'm going to work to get ahead the next day."  Goals will help you make forward progress, and ultimately make you a NaNoWriMo finalist.

I'm publishing this in time for you to clear your calendar, talk it over with your spouse, and ready yourself for a crazy-fun crazy-fast month of November.

WHY WRITE?

Write because you can't NOT write.

Write because the story is inside you and keeps churning until it spills itself out on the page.  Write because you have a perspective on life, the world, God, family, adventure, or love that only you can tell.  Write because you have always said you would, and now's your chance to try.  Write because you are an interesting gal who takes risks and loves the challenge.  Write because you need to.  

Write for your own reasons.  

But, my friend, write.  

Will you be joining me for NaNoWriMo this year?  Check out my NaNoWriMo Pinterest board.  And please share your thoughts, excitement, feedback, or literary successes in the comments below.  

Learning from Fiction #1: Writing Tips Gleaned from Clive Cussler

Lately I've been committing myself to learn more about writing.  One of the ways I've decided to  do that is to read a variety of "successful" fiction authors to try to gain broad principles and writing tips as I observe how they tackle story-telling in their works.  (Note: My selections are what I have on hand and am interested in... not necessarily literary greats or must-reads.  But I am choosing from best-selling fiction.)

Clive Cussler is the ultimate modern-day adventure novelist.  I've read perhaps half a dozen of his novels, and always enjoy the immediate, swept-away-into-danger feel of his writing.  His work is globetrotting, history-delving, and hero-creating, even if requiring a good bit of suspension of disbelief.

When reading his work, I find that it brings up the same feelings as when I watched Alias.  As I read about heroes traversing the Himalayas, motorboating up African rivers, and researching fossils in Indonesia, I feel like I *am* a Sydney-Bristow-esque spy, figuring it out, fighting the bad guys, and unraveling the mysteries.

This book, Clive Cussler's The Kingdom (A Fargo Adventure), centers around a history-loving independently-wealthy couple (the Fargos) who trek the globe in search of a long-lost centuries-old Asian relic that they learn may point to the actual location of the storied Shangri-La.

Here are the best writing tips I gleaned from Cussler's writing in The Kingdom:

Clive Cussler

1. For action writing, use directional language to bring about a sense of setting.  In one short passage describing a horse chase, he uses sixteen descriptive words or phrases to paint a clear picture of what danger the central character is facing.   These words are also used to give insight into where he is looking-- "ahead", "behind him", "over his shoulder", etc.  This language gives visual imagery while keeping the pace and tension high during a fast-and-furious chase scene.
2. As James Scott Bell often talks about, the characters leap off the page.  Specific, memorable traits are assigned to new characters to get them clear in the reader's mind.  Descriptions like "cat-like", "impassive", "stoic", and "as though she were an automaton" give Cussler's unsettling antagonist a definite creepiness and amp up the fear factor.  
3. Consider using thematic vocabulary.  On page 1 of the prologue, in just one paragraph came these words: mission, sacred, holy relic, reverence, spirited.  This of course was the paragraph introducing the central artifact of the book.  The larger point: use vocabulary to give a sense of the theme (this was done even with the chosen verb: "spirited away").
4. Take time to set the scene.  He doesn't skimp on place descriptions.  The city of Kathmandu is given a full page, just for introduction, in addition to smaller details he later weaves into the story line.  Smaller locales (smaller in the sense of importance to the story) are given a paragraph or two.  But the accuracy and visualization is significant and dealt with up front, so the reader has "feet on the ground" in the location before jumping back into the story.
5. Use special language, then explain it.  Foreign words, scientific gadgetry, obscure abbreviations-- Cussler uses these freely when necessary, but then immediately explains their meaning.   
6. Don't be afraid to twist language and make up words to suit your purpose.  He doesn't do this willy-nilly, but occasionally, non-traditional words like "stoop-walked" or "squelched" may be just the right fit to describe an action or sound that will communicate clearly to the reader even though your choice isn't a dictionary-found word. 
7. Use the outlandish if it gives a clear visual.  At one point, the protagonists find themselves in a mining area, and this is Cussler's description: "The sides of the pit were perfectly vertical, ...as though a giant had slammed a cookie cutter into the earth and scooped out the center."  While this type of description would be absurd if used repetitively throughout the novel, occasionally, an unusual description can be just the right thing to clearly paint a picture of what you as the author want the reader to see.
8. Amp up tension through unexpected challenges.  Conflict is where it's at.  And don't just go with foreseeable challenges, but let unseen obstacles crop up to further frustrate your poor protagonist.  Just when they're about to have a break through, throw in another problem to overcome.                                                                                             
9. Let the "worst possible scenario" happen.  And set it up... have your protagonist somehow speak or imply what the worst possible situation would be, and have it look as if things will work out differently, but then, lo and behold, the worst happens.  
10. Mention what the best case scenario would be.  It shows the protagonists analyzing their problems, and gives the readers a gauge for what "the perfect ten" would look like in a given situation.  He also used this approach once to set up a slightly less-than-perfect, but still fairly great outcome (a 7 or 8 out of 10), so that it didn't seem quite as perfect of a solution.  
11. Keep the story moving through goals.  Beyond the mega-goal of the novel (whether that's an Amish love story, globetrotting spy mission, legal settlement), let your characters set mini-goals that will keep the story moving.  Better yet, let the mega-goal rest on the success of the mini-goal.  No job, no love story.  If this particular artifact isn't found, the mission is destroyed.  If the deposition doesn't go well, the case is lost.  He continually links these smaller goals to the mega-goal.
12. Cussler doesn't shy away from humor.  But his understated humor works.  Embedded in a paragraph describing a forgotten, ramshackle, out-of-the-way museum in Bulgaria, he included this gem: "The interior smelled of old wood and cabbage..." Or when describing a Nepali hostel's decor: "Hollywood western chic sans the chic."
13. Let your characters utilize different skill sets than you yourself possess, and when you do, offer enough information to seem authoritative.  Cussler takes time to describe actions like rigging the ropes for cave spelunking, or setting up lamps and a light box for taking archival photos.  These details give an authority and specificity to his writing that pulls the reader in and makes the story infinitely more believable than just skipping over the specifics, or assuming that "we all know" the protagonist would do it the right way.
14. Find a way to humanize complex data.  When measuring distance, "half a kilometer" is such an unknown quantity to the average American reader.  So Cussler's woman protagonist expresses her inability to gauge distances, and her husband explains "imagine a standard running track."  He communicated the information in an understandable way (dumbing it down for us readers in the process) without only expressing it in the simplest manner.

Click to browse Clive Cussler's works.

I found it helpful to read through his novel this week with a learner's posture, and plan to continue doing this with a variety of novels and authors.  My hope is that by consolidating writing tips from seasoned, best-selling authors, it will help you too.

Come back soon to read more from my "Learning From Fiction" series.



Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Motherhood Musings from Sally Clarkson

In May of 2012, I was delighted to hear Sally Clarkson speak in person at our area homeschool bookfair.  Let me encourage you: if you are ever able to read her books or hear her speak, you will almost immediately notice that she fills your mind with words of challenge and vision in your role as mother.

In my experiences with her (hearing her speak, briefly speaking one-on-one with her, listening to talks she's given, and now reading her books) I continue to find her perfectly challenging, but delightfully willing to share her imperfections.

There are plenty of women to be found (particularly in Christian homeschool circles) who (intentionally or unintentionally) position themselves as perfectly coifed and poised in every way, but while Sally Clarkson freely shares her strengths & accomplishments, she strikes me as very balanced in the way she shares those things.  Her goal seems to be to encourage and build up the Body of Christ... not to position herself as the end-all, be-all expert on and example for everything in life.

Here are a few of the more challenging and encouraging quotes I've read so far in her book, The Mission of Motherhood:

"As I look to the needs of the children of today, I am convinced they need the same things from their mothers that I needed-- and received-- from mine.  They need... the gentle touch of a mother's hands, her focus and attention on a daily basis, a champion & a cheerleader, someone who has the time and energy to give encouragement along life's way and comfort in dark times.  They need a directive voice to show them how to live.  ...Meeting these needs is not an option or a sideline for mothers, but part of [God's] design."

To answer the modern view that motherhood is optional, or that mothers and fathers are interchangeable, she writes:

 "God equipped a woman from the very beginning to bring life into the world from her own body and to nurture growing families.  How wonderful that He gave her a womb to bear a child, breasts to feed it, a more padded physique suited for cradling babies, and the emotional makeup, with all the right hormones, to be able to nurture and care for her children and to maintain relational connections in her family.  According to recent research, He even structured our brains to make it easier for us to handle several tasks at once-- as the tasks of caring for a household and small children demand.  From the very beginning, then, God equipped women for a specific role in the family-- that of bringing life into the world and nurturing it."

And finally, on the issue of how modern women respond to what our culture says about motherhood, she wrote THIS gem:

"Often, women feel confused and torn between the cultural messages they hear about what is important for them to do and the eternal message God has written on their hearts.   

If they absorb the cultural message, they may avoid having children at all or radically limit the number of children in order to leave enough time and energy for their "real" work.  They may consciously or unconsciously resent the children who keep them from being "productive."  Or, more commonly, they will exhaust themselves trying to have it all-- a successful career and a vibrant home life.  They try to fit too many activities into their days and end up feeling that they are not successful at anything they do.  

A whole generation of children, as a result, ends up feeling rushed and pushed, with little or no sense of the comfort and stability of a satisfying home life.  ... When the biblical mission of motherhood is devalued and disappears from culture, the whole next generation suffers morally, emotionally, and spiritually.  

In this day and age, it is seen as intolerant to present the view that there is a "best" way of doing anything.  The modern values of tolerance and open-mindedness lead to absurdity when it becomes offensive to say, for example, that breastmilk is the best option.

The unquestioned, meteoric rise of feminism brought with it the view that career, money, personal acclaim and power are what give value to a woman.  This perspective virtually prohibits the speaking out loud of the view that mothers staying home and caring for their children on a daily basis is the best option.  But study after study after study shows that it truly is best.  Not only is it best for the child, but studies show that up to 70% of women (and these are modern women being surveyed, not the Betty Crockers of the 1950s that feminist authors love to revile) say they would prefer to stay home with their preschool aged children if they truly felt it was a viable option.

I hope to continue to share other valuable encouragements from her book and others as time permits, but hopefully these snippets have been an encouragement to you today as you go about "making home".

Click here to purchase or learn more about the book:  

Let's "Ketchup"!

I suppose it's time for me to write a blogpost, seeing as how I'm getting about 347 spam blog comments each day with very vague and generic (but surprisingly lengthy) comments for product-selling websites.  They're onto me, you might say.  I've been a lazy blogger, but have enjoyed a productive and fun summer.  Hope you have too! :)  I've got some issues and thoughts swirling around in my brain, so I'm hoping to be more productive, writing-wise, very soon.

1. As of today, I'm 20 weeks pregnant with either a little Ruby Jane or a Theodore Gideon (we'll call him Theo).  Either option delights me... in different ways.  Certainly, our six year old daughter, Maranatha, would be utterly thrilled, complete with heart flops and chillbumps, to have a little sister.  But I love my squishy, funny, what-you-see-is-what-you-get boys... so either way, I'll really be thrilled.  Virtually every person who knows us is pulling for a girl, for Maranatha's sake, poor little girl in a sea of testosterone.  :)  We thought we'd find out last week, but the sono machine was out for servicing (what???).  Hopefully we can find out soon.
2. Projects I've been up to: I've made a lavender-scented rice heating pad and used it about a bajillion times, fixed our couch cushions (they had ripped off of the back of the couch and had to constantly be readjusted to not look TERRIBLE), and organized our family's shoe area with some Martha Stewart cubbies I found on deep discount @ Home Depot.  (We don't wear shoes in the house, so we previously just had a big ugly pile of shoes, grass, and random books/toys at the back door.)  It's felt great to be PRODUCTIVE!  I started a special board on Pinterest just to document which Pinterest ideas I've actually completed, to help motivate me to do more.  How do motivate yourself toward productivity?
3. We had a garage sale on Friday.  Saturday was a complete rain-out, but it worked out fine, as we'd already sold about 2/3 of what we had on the Friday, and allowed me to use those "free" hours to fix the couch cushions.  It felt so good to see all the "stuff" that had been clogging up one whole section of our garage walking out of our yard in other people's hands, with a little extra cash in our pockets.  
4. I've been making pumpernickel bread from my 
5. Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day Cookbook
.  That method is genius.  SO easy and incredibly tasty... this is the first time I've had success regularly baking bread, because it just makes the whole thing so very easy.
6. Homeschooling this year has been entirely different than any other year we've had.  We've always done Sonlight, with TONS of reading out loud, lots of great books, and a bunch of time on the couch together.  That just wasn't practical for us this year, as I thought about the variety of ages and stages our kids are at, so we've been using something I previously snobbily sneered at: workbooks.  LOL.  And it's going great!  We're still reading aloud-- some --but the great majority of their subject learning is happening via workbooks. The kids are each making solid progress and I've definitely come to see that God gives grace and kindness in a variety of ways, in each season, as we need it.  Truly, while I intellectually believed it before, I am seeing in practice that there is not one right "formula" and that we each have to do the best with what we have and trust God for the increase.
7. Our ladies' Bible study this fall has been going through True Woman 101: Divine Design: An Eight-Week Study on Biblical Womanhood (True Woman) and it has been phenomenal.  It has been so exciting to see women synthesizing the truth about the culture we live in and where it deviates from what Scripture says about why God made men and women, and the ways we are different, by design. 
8. I've been going through Scripture from the beginning, looking at how Godly people interact in ungodly cultures.  That theme has existed from Genesis 3 onward, and I have already noticed some interesting things.  I've also been reading through John, looking at Jesus & the way He interacted/spoke with people around him.  That, too, has been incredibly insightful.  The first thing I noticed, for example, was that Jesus' first question recorded in John is "What is it you are seeking?"  It's a good question for all of us to think about.  What is is, if I try to look at my life in an unbiased way, that I'm seeking?  What am I pursuing?  What is it that I sacrifice to obtain?  What am I looking for?

What's been happening with you?  Any comments/thoughts on any of the above?  

As always, this blog fluctuates and flows according to how often I'm able to sit down and write, but with the outdoor-summer season ending, and with being home more often during the days, I'm foreseeing more opportunities for writing in the near future.  

Hope you'll continue to join me as we thoughtfully interact with Scripture & culture as Christian women. :)

Margin #3- Overload: When Our Threshold is Exceeded

Have you ever done one of those points-based "stress evaluations"?

Doug and I always laughed when we'd see those over the last 6 years, living overseas.  With culture stresses, job changes, moving apartments, new babies, changes in our diet/living, and the like, we always ended up scoring far, and sometimes ridiculously far, off the charts.

If you're a parent in this American culture, you likely would score high as well-- job change, relocation, pregnancy and babies, changes in sleeping habits, unemployment, change in schools, increasing dietary allergies and illnesses that lead to diet change-- these things are par for the course.

Overload is a common malady among us.

LACK OF MARGIN

In this discussion of building "margin" into our lives, a common objection might be, "People have always had to work hard and set priorities for their lives.  'There is nothing new under the sun,' like Solomon said."  But Swenson writes that contemporary stressors affect us all much more than typical "pressures of life" affected the generations prior to this one.  Some highlights: we have much more change coming much more rapidly in our lives; we have more activities to arrive at and more deadlines to meet; intact supportive family relationships have been dismantled; and long-term friendships are increasingly rare.

When the pressures of life mount up to unsustainable levels, and our support systems are arguably weaker than they have ever been, the result is often burnout.

In our interactions with other expats (overseas-dwellers), we would hear about burnout relatively often.  It's a common phenomenon among people who have pushed all their stress levels to the max, particularly when those people lack familiar "pressure valves" (i.e., a close relative living nearby to help with the kids every great once in a while) that they have previously used to relieve stress.

"Burnout: If you bend a small tree and then release it, the sapling will return to its former shape.  This is analogous to stress-- we bend and then recover.  However, if you bend the sapling until it snaps, it stays broken.  This is analogous to burnout.  Something inside breaks."

THRESHOLD AND OVERLOAD 
Swenson points out that we naturally bend to some limitations-- physical limits, for example, limit the number of tables & chairs that can fit in a given room.  While you might be able to cram in 100 piece of furniture into a room, would you really want to?  Of course not, because that would make the space unusable.  

Performance limitations often pertain to both physical limits & the unquantifiable factor of will power.  And while the human will is indeed and incredible force, there are physiological limits on us all...  Swenson points out:

"Runners keep running faster, and swimmers keep swimming faster.  But there must be an end to this, true?  We cannot run the mile in one second.  Neither will it ever be possible for anyone to run it in one minute.  There is a built-in physiological limit beyond which records will rarely be broken."

Like the graph shows, humans' "performance increases with increasing demand and increasing effort-- but only up to a point.  Once we reach our limit, fatigue sets in, followed quickly by exhaustion and collapse."

"Emotional limits are even more vague"-- while there are clearly physical limitations, it is more difficult to understand fully how much one individual person can "take", emotionally speaking.  And yet, we inherently know to deal gently with an emotionally fragile person, and we might say that they're "on the verge of collapse", or near their "breaking point".  

Mental limitations are as difficult to define as emotional, but certainly, the human brain can not store an unlimited amount of facts.  There is an amount of data, or a speed of input, that would cause our brain and/or memory to essentially shut down.  Swenson points to the high stress and frequent burnout among air-traffic controllers as evidence of mental limitations.

BUT WHAT ABOUT "I CAN DO ALL THINGS"?
In response to the (mis)use of that verse, Swenson answers,

"Does this mean that you can fly?  Can you go six months without eating?   Neither can you live a healthy life chronologically overloaded.  God did not intend this verse to represent a negation of life balance.  Even Jesus Himself did not heal every case of leprosy in Israel.  Think about it.

"It is God the Creator who made limits, and it is the same God who placed them within us for our protection.  We exceed them at our peril."

What happens when we exceed our limits?

• Anxiety- the load is too great, and nervous breakdowns begin to occur
• Hostility- people snap; they blame and/or take out frustration on the people around them
• Depression- their hostility is directed inward, and "they withdraw into a fog of gloom"
• Resentment- the overloading, demanding job/life that used to be enjoyed becomes the enemy

OVERLOAD SYNDROME

Swenson takes a long time to list out the way that activities, changes, choices, commitments, debt, decisions, expectations, fatigue, hurry, information, media, noise, people, possessions, technology, traffic, and work overload our lives and leave us weary and worn out.  Here are a few highlights from his expansion on each idea:

"We are a tired society.  Even our leisure is exhausting-- 54 percent of us admit we are more exhausted at the end of a vacation than at the beginning."

 "A single edition of the New York Times contains more information than a seventeenth-century Britisher would encounter in a lifetime."

"We have more things per person than any other nation in history.  Closets are full, storage space is used up, and cars can't fit into garages.  Having first imprisoned us with debt, possessions then take over our houses and occupy our time.  This begins to sound like an invasion.  Everything I own owns me.  Why would I want more?"

WHY DO WE DO IT?

To the question, "Why do we allow these things to continue?", the author offers these reasons:

1. lack of understanding-- the problem is relatively new, and thus we are blinded to it, "even when it has us by the throat"
2. a sense of conscientiousness-- feeling that we should "do all we can" or that we should always/only "give til it hurts"
3. follow the leader- "our economy and our society are run by the driven.  They climb to positions of power by force and then demand the same over-commitment from those under them."

Here, I think Swenson offers a helpful, discerning point for Christians:

"I am not suggesting that we should strive to have a pain-free, stress-free life.  The Christian walk will always be full of problems and work.  Many times we must be prepared to suffer willingly.  What I am suggesting, however, is that given the unbiquity of overload, we need to choose carefully where our involvement should come.  We must not allow ourselves to be hammered by distress in the many areas of life that have absolutely no transcendent importance.  It is not the will of the Father for us to be so battered by the torment of our age.  There must be a different way-- a way that reserves our strength for higher battles."

ONE PART OF THE SOLUTION
Finally, after 3 parts, I get to share *PART* of Swenson's solution to this lack of margin that affects nearly all of us:

"The problem is overload.  

"Each of us needs to seek his or her own level of involvement and not let the standard be mandated by the often exorbitant expectations of others.  Some around us who are much more involved than we are may not understand why we choose to hold back.  Others might be much less involved than we are-- we assume they don't care.  We must understand that everyone has a different tolerance for overload and a different threshold level when breakdown begins to occur.  It is important for us to set people free to seek their own level. " 

He suggests that the answer is in learning to set limits, and to respect the limits of others.  And he devotes the rest of the book to learning to allow for margin in each area of life.

So as we think about this, I think it is helpful to see this in terms of how we react to and interact with others.  Do we expect them to be involved in every church event?  Are our expectations grace-giving in this area of commitments and involvement, as we wish for others' expectations toward us to be?


What thoughts do you have? I've enjoyed reading your comments and reactions thus far in the series-- did these quotes/ideas bring any new ideas to your mind?

Donkey image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #2: Progress, Relationships, & Mental Stress

As I continue reading Margin, I've enjoyed the things author Richard A. Swenson has to say about modern life and its lack of margin.  Margin is the idea of building "reserve" into your life, so that you have room for what's most important in life.  He observes:

"Progress's biggest failure has been its inability to nurture and protect right relationships. ...Margin, however, knows how to nurture relationship.  In fact, margin exists for relationship.  Progress, on the other hand, has little to say about the relational life.  Even our language gives us away.  When we talk about progress, we do not mean social, emotional and spiritual advancement.  [Rather, we mean progress in areas of] money, energy, transportation, housing, communications, technology, and education.  People, however, have relational needs that go much deeper."  

WHERE TO INVEST? 
His challenge in these chapters (chapters 3 & 4) is that God would have us use our spiritual gifts, and the "overflow of our hearts" to invest in the social, emotional, and spiritual environments of life, rather than following where progress would have us invest our efforts-- solely in the cognitive and physical environments of life.

Society looks for the answers to social problems in physical solutions and education-- give people more money, and/or set up more classes to educate people (i.e., Think of Oprah's classic response, "when we know better, we do better"-- is that really true?  Is modern society "doing better" now that we "know better"?).  In reality, while these temporary solutions may provide short-term relief, they do not solve matters of the heart.

"Discerning Christians have long known that God is not impressed with our wealth, education, or power.  Nevertheless, we have labored eagerly in those fields.  What if, instead, we were to begin measuring our progress not by our wealth but by our virtue; not by our education, but by our humility; not by our power but by our meekness?

"Graduate degress and DNPs will never usher in the kingdom-- only love can do that.  And love brings us back to [William] Wilberforce: 'Above all, measure your progress by your experience of the love of God and its exercise before men." 

 PHYSICAL vs. MENTAL STRESS
The final idea I want to share from these chapters is a contrast of physical vs. mental exertion, by E.F. Schumacher:

"The widespread substitution of mental strain for physical strain is no advantage from our point of view.  Proper physical work, even if strenuous, does not absorb a great deal of the power of attention, but mental work does; so that there is no attention left over for the spiritual things that really matter.  It is obviously much easier for a hard-working peasant to keep his mind attuned to the divine than for a strained office worker."

Interesting observation, isn't it?  It is obvious when you think about it-- I often get my best thinking done when I'm doing purely physical tasks-- folding laundry, washing dishes, mowing the lawn.  These type of tasks give mental "margin", and give me room to analyze life with sobriety and clarity.

Now, of course we all deal with stress differently, and we all can manage different levels of it.  Generally, though, I think our society pushes too hard, too fast, and too full... this book is definitely causing me to rethink some of the ways that I thoughtlessly ramble along with "progress" and technology in ways that might actually be detrimental to my family and myself.


What about you?  Do you see areas where progress has actually hurt your relationships, or increased your stress?  How do you manage this in your life?

Image: vichie81 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #1: Progress, and the Modern Life

For the last few weeks, I've been reading (and greatly enjoying!) a book called Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard A. Swenson, M.D.  If you're not familiar with the idea of "margin", here's a telling snippet from the 1st chapter:

"Progress has given us unprecedented affluence, education, technology, and entertainment.  We have comforts and conveniences other eras could only dream about.  Yet somehow, we are not flourishing under the gifts of modernity as one would expect.  ... How is it possible that the homemaker is still tired despite the help of the washing machine, clothes dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner?  If we are so prosperous, why are the therapists' offices so full?"

"Margin," he writes, "is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.  Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift."

He makes the point that some people believe that nothing's different now; "we've always had stress, it's just different stress now", they say.  His reply?

"I'm not the one who's making the fuss; I'm only writing about it.  I'm only being honest about what I see all around me.  Something's wrong.  People are tired and frazzled.  People are anxious and depressed.  People don't have time to heal anymore."

Dr. Swenson boils it down to this simple situation:

• Symptom: Pain
• Diagnosis: Overload
• Prescription: Margin
• Prognosis: Health

He prescribes building margin into our lives in order to restore sanity and build up a "reserve" in our lives, so that we can focus on and do what is most significant.


The Link Between Progress & Margin
I'm interested to read his recommendations for how to deal with stress and "marginlessness" in our lives, because he makes the point-- an interesting one-- that the decrease of margin in our lives is directly correlated to the march of progress.

"In a general sense, those cultures with the most progress are the same as those with the least margin.  Margin has been stolen away, and progress was the thief." 

One example offered is that when progress meets a tree, it makes "tables, chairs, bowls, and toothpicks."  Progress always changes, and gives us increasing amounts of things at increasingly faster speeds.  And yet, in the midst of all these efforts to make things bigger, faster, more intense, and better, human beings still exist with fixed, human limits.  There is only so much we can do in a day, only so hard we can push our physical bodies, only so much pressure our emotions can handle, etc.

From what I can tell of Dr. Swenson's recommendations just four chapters in, the goal of this book is not to encourage us to stop progress, hide in a cave, or become Amish.  I like how he closed up chapter two:

"Please understand: progress is not evil.  Similarly stress, change, complexity, speed, intensity, and overload are, for the most part, not enemies.  But we have different conditions at play than at any other time in our history and we must discern our course carefully lest we be overwhelmed by forces out of control.   

"We must have some room to breathe.  We need freedom to think and permission to heal.  Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity.  No one has the time to listen, let alone love.  Our children lay wounded on the ground, run over by our high-speed good intentions.  Is God now pro-exhaustion?  Doesn't He lead people beside the still waters anymore?  Who plundered those wide-open spaces of the past, and how can we get them back?"

Do these questions and concerns resonate with you?

Do you feel maxed out and spent?

Do you see a connection between the rise of technology/progress, and the lack of "margin"/space in your life?  Isn't it ironic that the more "in touch" we are with one another (Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc.), the less human-to-human interaction there really is?  Perhaps you've read this book, or another one on this subject?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Doug's Brush With Fame: Chris Farley

I'm just sharing this, more to document the memory than anything else. I just finished The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in Three Acts this afternoon, and asked my husband about his opportunity to meet Chris Farley nearly 15 years ago. Here's what he shared:

We were all invited to Planet Hollywood in Dallas as high school newspaper writers for a morning interview session. Maybe 20 or 30 schools were represented. This would've been my senior year, so either winter 1996 or spring 1997. The event was to promote the release of his new movie, "Beverly Hills Ninja". As he came out, we all stood in a greeting line and I shook his hand.

He seemed like he was buzzed if not drunk during the event. Over the span of half an hour, most of us had a chance to ask at least one question.

When I raised my hand, he referred to me (because I had spiky hair and bead necklaces) as, "yeah, the guy who looks like he's from the Violent Femmes". I've actually never looked into what they look like, so I don't even know if that's accurate. I asked him,

"As all of us are big fans of yours, we're concerned about your health. How have you been feeling lately?"

He laughed and replied, "Aside from the sharp pains running up and down my arms, I feel fine." He got a laugh, and moved onto the next question.

He died less than a year later.

When my brother Aaron and I were in high school, he was obsessed with Tommy Boy. Our parents both worked, and so we had our afternoons free after school to do or watch what we pleased. I have most of Tommy Boy memorized because we must've watched it 50 or 100 times together in those afternoons.

Reading the biography of Farley's life made me so sad for the loss of the delightful spirit he brought to life. Though he was raised a Catholic and continued to attend mass and express faith until his death, his superstitions also left him confused [Note of clarification: I am not equating superstitions with Catholicism. He had a myriad number of personal superstitions, like needing shoes to be lined up, and touching certain furniture pieces, and seemed unable to function if certain things weren't done the way he thought they had to be done.]. Though he loved his parents and brothers, he kept reaching out and seeking love from others, and never felt that he found it. Such a sad end to a man who had such great potential.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #17

Let's get this 7 Quick Takes going.

1. Sorry I'm late to the party this week, posting my "7 Quick Takes FRIDAY" on Saturday. The country I live in blocked blogger for a while. I still can't access blogspot to actually tell what this post looks like. I can't even check through my feedreader to know if I've posted any of these pictures before. [ETA: Well, apparently, it won't let me post pictures at all. Oh well. These things happen from time to time when you live overseas.
   
   
2. We're packing, packing, packing. We're up to 48 boxes, and still going... Doug is being awesome this go-round and we're actually making a master list of what all is in each box, numbering each box, etc. Packing is not super-fun, but I'm having visions of unpacking perfectly sorted things, not having extra junk/stuff, and I like that idea. Sounds pretty great, in fact.
   
   
3. I've never had to feed this many people while packing up a house before. It's kind of tricky, keeping out just enough to keep the kitchen going, while packing up all those things like serving platters and glass bakingware that have to be packed oh-so-carefully.
   
   
4. Canasta. I love it, and totally forgot about it. We played a lightning round this morning to pass the time before hitting the packing, and it was superfun. Do you like Canasta? Other card games you love? I like that it's highly portable.
   
   
5. Love this quote from Gary Thomas' book "Sacred Parenting":
   

   I told one group of men that I wished I could start parenting now, at age forty-one. I feel more mature at this point, more settled in my career with a better perspective to begin parenting than when Allison was born to me at the age of twenty-five.
   
   But here's the rub: What helped me to become more mature? What has given me a better perspective? What has worked on my character over the past decade and a half?
   
   Raising my kids!
   
   I wouldn't be the man I am if I hadn't raised [our kids].

   
   
   
6. And this one, a page later, from the same book:
   

   God has created an institution-- the family-- through which He can shape, mold, and form all of us, parents included. We come into the family as imperfect people, and sin against each other every day; yet through rubbing shoulders and learning to ask for, and offer, forgiveness, we all come out the richer for taking part in this sometimes painful process.
   

   God adores your kids, *but He is also crazy about you*. You're His much-loved son or daughter. He has a direct interest in your care and your spiritual growth, and He sees your kids as valuable teachers and prophets to that end.

7. I shared this conversation on Facebook, and thought I'd go ahead and share it here too-- between my nearly-3 year old son, and my 4 year old daughter:
   

   Silas: "I want to go seep."
   Me: "You want to go to sleep?"
   Silas: "No, I want to go seep."
   Maranatha: "A sheep is eating you?"
   Silas: "No, I want to go seep. Under table."
   Me: "Oh! You want to go sweep?"
   Silas: "Yes, under table."

:) So there's a quick take of my week. How was yours?

Book Reviews - 2011

Well, here's another year's "check-in" thread for book reviews. 2011 is well underway, so I'll start this post now, and continue adding to it as I read throughout the year.

1. 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School: Real World Antidotes to Feel-Good Education by Charles J. Sykes - finished 1/19/2011 - As he did in Dumbing Down Our Kids, in this book, Sykes takes a decidedly dismal view of American public education. However, unlike his other books, "50 Rules..." is not a lengthy treatise on education, or a critique with helpful suggestions; rather, this is more of a cultural commentary with corresponding common sense guidelines for life. Though I don't have teens yet, I could definitely see one day reading this together with our 15- or 16- year olds and then using it as a jumping off point for discussions over coffee. Covering a wide range of topics including job skills, sex, looking people in the eye when you talk with them, not being a video game zombie, realistic expectations of life, and more, this is above all a lighthearted and straightforward critique of our culture, and particularly the youth of our culture.
2. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks - finished 3/12/2011 - Dull and predictable.
3. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares - finished 3/27/2011 - cutesy and predictable. I wanted some light reading, and boy did I get it! This was only a tad bit higher than Sweet Valley High.
4. The Scarlet Cord: The Dramatic Life of Rahab by Mary Ellen Keith & Deborah Elder Champagne - finished 3/30/2011 - I picked up this book in a thrift store... again, looking for some light reading, but wanting some substance as well. This book is not one I'd recommend for younger, unmarried readers, as I felt there was a large quantity of sexual detailing of the pagan culture of Jericho. Those details did seem to be the right amount, in order to understand the background of Rahab, and the story of Jericho, but again, it would not be something I'd recommend without warning. At the same time, I felt that the writers did a good job bringing that culture, and those times, to life, and weaving those cultural details together with the biblical account. I found this to be an interesting book, but not one I'll revisit and read again. Once was good, but once was enough.
5. The Gentle Art of Domesticity: Stitching, Baking, Nature, Art, and the Comforts of Home by Jane Brocket - finished 4/5/2011 - What a beautiful book! I found it very inspiring, like fuel for my creative side. I haven't actually done anything with that inspiration yet, as it's difficult to do domestic things when one's home life is in constant transition as mine currently is. This will likely be a book I revisit regularly for visual delight and as a springboard for my own domestic efforts. On a side note, I agree with an amazon.com commenter who wrote something to the effect that, "this book should called The Domestic Art of Jane Brocket". Indeed, the book is wholly centered on her own creative domestic ideas... but I did not find this off-putting. On the contrary, it is filled with beautiful, joyful examples of what a woman can do to evoke delight in her own home.
6. Once-A-Month Cooking: (Revised and Expanded) A proven system for spending less time in the kitchen and enjoying delicious, homemade meals every day by Mimi Wilson and Mary Beth Lagerborg - finished 4/7/2011 - Though this is not a time-intensive book (in fact, the written portion before the recipe section is only a few dozen pages long), I am so glad to have read it. Though I may not ever follow this religiously, or exactly as written, I absolutely hope to incorporate the principals into our kitchen. With the last 2 babies, I've filled up our freezer in the last month or two of pregnancy and found it very helpful. This seems like a great way to have fall-back meals so that we won't eat out so often, and a great way to eat healthily without having to be in the kitchen cooking every single night. I look forward to using these ideas!
7. The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in Three Acts by Tom Farley and Tanner Colby - finished 4/13/2011 - I can't tell you how many times my brother and I watched "Tommy Boy" while in high school. I generally wasn't allowed to watch SNL, unless a favorite band was performing. But because of my brother's love for Tommy Boy, my appreciation for Farley's physically hilarious antics, and my husband's opportunity as a high school journalist to meet him, when I saw Doug reading it, I wanted to read the book.
   

   "The notion of love is something that would be a wonderful thing. I don't think I've ever experienced it, other than the love of my family. At this point it's something beyond my grasp. But I can imagine it, and longing for it makes me sad." ~Chris Farley

   The sadness he expressed in that quote sums up the book, and sums up his life. This book tells, through the recollections of close friends, co-workers, and family members, how Chris Farley went from class clown to directionless young adult to famous comedian, all the while being a vibrantly hilarious and full-of-life man with dark tendencies and a personality that tended towards addiction in virtually all forms. His death was truly a tragic end to a man who had such capacity for joy and creative expression.
8. A Merry Heart (Brides of Lancaster County, Book 1) by Wanda Brunstetter - finished 4/19/2011 - A typical, but slightly sub-part, Christian romantic fiction novel in an Amish setting, this book was pretty much what I expected. This is not a well-written novel, nor is it realistic in its story elements. Several times throughout the book, I had to groan and set it down because the dialogue was so predictable, and I grew weary of the inserted German words, with the definitions woven into the dialogue, as if we aren't bright enough to figure out that "wunderbaar" means wonderful, in context. Nonetheless, I got what a paid 49 cents for-- a simple story set in Amish culture. It made for a quick read and is now back in the "giveaway" pile.
9. Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love With the Family of God by Joshua Harris - finished 4/20/2011 - What an excellent little book! This is the message modern Christians in my generation need to hear-- that a commitment to God without a commitment to the church is a weak and ultimately double-minded thing. To honor God, we need to love what He loves: the Body of Christ. This book gives powerful encouragement and relevant insight as to why we may not have committed to the church, but how Christians can find, biblically evaluate, and commit to God's church. I loved it, and will keep it on hand to read from time to time. It was an easy but heart-penetrating book, and I'm thankful to have come across it.
10. Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good by Wendy Shalit - finished 5/20/2011 - Based on over 100 interviews with young American women of all stripes (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, feminists, etc.), this excellent book was written as a response to the mixed messages our culture sends to young women. Shalit's eye-opening examination of our culture should be a must-read for every parent of girls, and would be an encouraging read for any young woman (because of the sexually explicit information she references -- as examples of what's becoming normalized in our culture), I would not recommend this book for 16 and under. She details how the aggressive female that is now normative-- the bully on the playground, sexual prowess in her teen years, unaffected disinterest in the dating scene-- is a model being intentionally rejected by thoughtful women in upcoming generations. Shalit is a thought-provoking analyst of cultural issues affecting young women, and I thoroughly enjoyed the book.
11. One Year Off: Leaving It All Behind for a Round-the-World Journey with Our Children by David Elliot Cohen - finished 5/29/2011 - What a great travel memoir! Many people feel the urge to "leave it all behind" and "see the world" and that is exactly what the Cohen family did in 1996-1997. With three kids in tow (roughly ages 2, 7, and 9), David & his wife sold everything, took a year off, and set out to see the world. Starting in South America, they made their way through Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia, and even a few spots in North America. His journals are humor-laced, and as a woman who has travelled through some of the same parts of the world with our own five children, so much of what Cohen wrote resonated with my own experiences. Many times I laughed out loud at his observations of cultural differences and similarities, and nodded my way through passages detailing how family togetherness actually bonded the family together, rather than ending in squabbles and misery. Read with caution, for it is very likely that if you open these pages, you'll soon want to be off on your own great family adventure!
12. Valide: A Novel of the Harem by Barbara Chase-Riboud - finished 6/5/2011 - I was pleased to find this book at the library, having previously seen this book recommended as an excellent source for learning about Ottoman culture. Our family has lived in Turkey for 4 years now, and we've toured the Topkapi Palace (and its harem) in Istanbul multiple times, so this book definitely piqued my interest. Chase-Riboud offers an incredibly detailed historical account of the French-American slave girl who became the concubine, then wife, of an Ottoman Sultan, and eventually the mother of a Sultan in Ottoman-era Istanbul (late 1700's). She also strays into a few scenes of power involving Napolean & Catherine the Great; while these storylines were helpful to me to give historical clues about what was going on world-wide at the time of the story, some readers might find them distracting to the overall plot. This book did include (perhaps predictably) some quite explicit sexual detail, about 3-4 individual scenes in the 400+ page book. Because of my interest, having lived in Turkey, and because of the book's thorough and beautiful handling of Ottoman culture, I enjoyed the book immensely, but because of the sexual matter, I would not recommend this book to others without that clear warning.
13. Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen - finished 6/17/2011 - This classic story of sisterly affection between two opposite young women, one self-possessed and sensible, the other passionate and transparent to the point of emotional exhibitionism, was thoroughly enjoyable. In fact, though I've seen the movie ever so many times, I hadn't ever read the book, and found myself delighted at the deeper character development of beloved favorites from the movies.
    
    [Unfortunately, the $2 copy I picked up at Half Price Books was the "Insight Edition", which was filled with trivial tidbits, and occasionally, plot spoilers a page or two before anticipated action actually took place. Additionally, the Insight editors tried to twist and turn various sentences to be religiously-oriented, instead of just letting Austen's work stand on its own. I found the side notes distracting and frequently frustrating.]
    
    But the story itself was, of course, lovely. Willoughby was far more the scoundrel than portrayed in the movies, selfish and greedy... Edward, far more passive and wimpy (borderline dislikable!)... Colonel Brandon, far more heroic. The transformation of Marianne from passionate and open in every feeling or opinion to a more womanly, thoughtful, selfless, loving person was delightful (I couldn't help but picture Kate Winslet in my mind), while Elinor was such a self-controlled person that she at times seems hardly human. Austen superbly detailed the transitions of human character, through both through the young Marianne & Willoughby, as well as the older Mrs. Ferrars and Mrs. Dashwood. I share the opinion of millions the world over-- this is a delightfully-crafted story, well worth the reading.
14. Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan - finished 6/28/2011 - This is an excellent challenge, written by a humble but insightful teacher to the lukewarm American church. Chan questions the phrase "lukewarm Christian" and challenges us to ask ourselves if "following Christ" has really changed the way we live. In other words, has Christ really changed your life? Does your life give evidence that you love and are devoted to Jesus? Do you live in obedience to him that sometimes makes other people scratch their heads? Chan notes that if our lives "make sense" to unbelievers, then we're not living the Christian life. This book has come at just the right time for me, challenging me in new ways to consider Christ's claim on my life, and helping me to soberly judge my own life.
15. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, Revised Edition by David C. Pollock - had to return to library 7/17/2011 - (finished about half) - What an excellent book for expat parents! This book really seeks to understand and explain the experiences of kids who grow up overseas, and gives such insight into what their priorities and perspective will be, and how these things differ from peers in their passport country, as well as in what ways they will likely be different from their parents. I wish I could've read more before I had to return to the library, but my reading of the first half was very insightful as a parent raising kids in different cultures from our "passport"/home country.
16. A Charlotte Mason Education by Catherine Levison - finished August 2011 - This small, easy-to-read book is an excellent resource for homeschool moms, particularly for those in the elementary years.  An educator from the 19th century, Ms. Mason's ideas are widely appreciated in homeschool circles.  Even though though we're beginning our 6th year homeschooling, this book was not only a great refresher on Charlotte Mason's principles, but also gave me a great amount of encouragement to be more hands-on and intentional about the ways that we approach subjects like science and literature review.   I eagerly recommend this book.
17. 6 Secrets to a Lasting Love (DVD study) by Drs. Gary & Barbara Rosberg - Doug & I used this DVD series & study guides during our anniversary "2nd honeymoon" getaway.  The series is actually meant to be spread over 7 weeks, but we did it in the 7 days of our vacation.  We thought that the material itself was helpful for encouraging conversation & communication about each specific area of our marriage.  The presentation came across as cheesy and slightly off-putting to us, but because the material was helpful, we were willing to press on.  We were thankful to have time to talk through these things together, even if the material or presentation was a bit weak.  
18. The Confession by John Grisham - finished October 2011 - Having always loved Grisham's page-turning novels, I purchased this book the first time I saw it.  Like his other books, I found myself drawn in from the first reading and one night even stayed up until 3:10 in the morning just to finish!  :)  Unlike his other books, though, this one moved me to very strong emotion (not just suspense or a heightened heartbeat).  So perhaps this should be a warning rather than a recommendation.  Nonetheless, I am happy to recommend the book as an insightful fictional account of a death row inmate in Texas.  Having grown up in Texas, I have always accepted it as part and parcel of justice.  This book certainly caused me to re-think the issue and consider more deeply the issues surrounding the death penalty.  As a work of fiction, as a Grisham novel, and as a commentary on an important social issue of our time, I recommend this book.