Opt Out Of the Food Wars (Trail Blaze #11)

Confession time: I am tired of all the food wars.

Tired, tired, tired.

When I was growing up, everything was low-fat. Now, apparently, that makes you fat, no joke.

This week, it's "eat no carbs", next thing I read says 'trade off only carbs or fats as the fuel for each meal (who the HECK wants to eat a burger with no cheese or mayo?-- don't answer that and make me feel guilty- ha!), next one it's "only eat like the cavemen did." Last year was "switch to whole-grain everything," this year they're saying, "whole-grains have too much gluten." (And probably, you can find current studies saying the opposite of everything I just wrote. Please don't. I don't care anymore.)

I give up.

I don't have the energy to follow the trends.

I have OPTED OUT of the food wars.

I'm a tired mom just trying to do the best I can to feed my family. I refuse to pile guilt on myself when JUST BUYING THE GROCERIES and KEEPING THEM SEMI-IN-STOCK in our home, and KEEPING MY KIDS FED takes about all the mental capacity I have to devote to food.

Here's some things I'm thankful for: 

• I'm thankful that I can buy real food for a family of eight when so many people are losing their jobs and struggling.
• I'm thankful that I'm able to be home with them so that my time can be leveraged and make our budget stretch farther by me cooking from scratch.
• I'm thankful I have learned how to cook a number of things from scratch. (I'm no gourmet, but I can get around in the kitchen all right.)
• I'm thankful for the easy-peasy convenience foods we use from time to time (to give me a freaking break without freaking breaking our wallet).
• I'm thankful that I came to this mothering gig before the "your baby needs to eat non-GMOed-fermented-organic-kale as his first food" mantra was in existence. (OK, I don't think that's a mantra. But it's not far off from being able to be a believable mantra, right?) I'm glad I was a mom before this food stuff reached a fever pitch, because now I recognize it as unnecessary and dispensable advice.
• I'm thankful for the mental space available, and the internet access available to write to all of you ladies about this.

We mostly can't afford organic, and we don't eat the best. But we don't eat the worst either. I try to feed my family real, wholesome food, and limit the unpronounceable ingredients. I've watch the documentaries like Food Inc., Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, and King Corn. And I try to cut through the hype and learn little bits that will help me make livable, sustainable, budgetarily-reasonable choices for our family. 

I think my kids eat more veggies than I did growing up, and last year we switched out the boxed cereals for oatmeal. Now we're switching to steel-cut. And ya know, maybe someone will release a study this week indicating that that's terrible. If so, don't write me a comment about it.

I'm just saying, we're making changes that we're pleased with.

That's my point-- 

We do the best we can. And that's all we can do for now. I bet you do too. 

I'm not going to let the scary documentaries, bully dietitians on daytime TV, latest fad diets, and baby food diet "experts" (who maybe don't even have kids themselves) make me take on a heap of guilt over something like this. And I want to encourage you not to either. 

HERE IS MY MANTRA, and I offer it to you as well:

Do the best you can. 

Live in grace. 

Drop-kick guilt to the curb every time it rears its ugly head. 

And be grateful. 

And I will too.
The end.

Blessings to you & your family,
Jess Connell

P.S. If you or your child has a medical issue or allergies with certain foods/whatever, please don't think this is an attack on you or your family. The mantra goes for you too. Hang in there. 

Making the Most of Our Multi-Tasking Abilities

We women tend to be multi-taskers.

We try to squeeze as much as we can into a given moment- carrying the groceries in (loaded down like a donkey), calling instructions to the kids over our shoulder, using the tiniest sliver of our index finger (otherwise weighed down with groceries) to open the gate, kicking the gate closed with our feet, already mentally planning which steps need to be done in which order, in order to have dinner prepared in less than 20 minutes, so we can nurse the baby when he wakes up in 25 minutes.

But sometimes there's a tendency to think that we have to have silence and solitude in order to meditate or enter into spiritual truth in a deep way.  That the schedule has to be cleared in order to intake spiritual "food".  That if we could just get away from daily demands, THEN we'd have time to retreat and find rest for the soul.

But one of the things I've come to know in the last eleven years as a mom is this: silence and solitude and beautiful and rare... but a peaceful heart and calm spirit can happen in any setting, at any time.

Let me keep this short.  Basically, I try to (as often as possible) combine one item from list A with one item from list B:

In a nutshell, use those times where the mind is free to fill it up with things that are meaty and spiritual and encouraging.  Don't let the time fritter away and go to waste.  That's not to say every moment has to be filled with noise.  Moments of just letting my mind be at rest, and nestling into solitude, can be healing and helpful.

But our minds are not naturally bent toward godliness.  

If we perpetually give our minds nothing on which to focus, we will easily drift into self-focus--  replaying hurtful conversations, mentally jotting down a list of things we "never" get or "always" have to do, replaying compliments and reviewing "successes", or replaying hurt and criticism and reviewing failures.  Or we can drift into busybodying about others-- reviewing things they did (or didn't) say, things they did (or didn't) do, thinking of things they should (or shouldn't) say, things they should (or shouldn't) do.


Instead, I most often click on my audioBible or head to YouTube (or one of my apps) and turn on a sermon by Chandler, Piper, Chan, Harris, or Driscoll.

Let me encourage you to try it-- or do it more often-- give your mind something on which to focus during tasks when your hands or body are busy doing something otherwise mindless.

Please hear my heart: don't let this be a point of legalism or guilt for you.  

By all means, take time to enjoy the silence nursing your new baby... or if the kids have been at it all day, enjoy the solitude and relaxation of a hot, quiet bath.  But in moments when your mind craves something to do, or would tend toward self-focus or busybodying about other people, my encouragement for you is to give your mind something to do-- combine list A with list B and let God renew your heart, mind, and soul as you go about your daily activities.

Form vs. Heart (Trail Blaze #2)

It is so easy to get trapped (as a mom, as a woman, as a wife, as a child of God) in thinking that a particular *form* is what's needful, rather than understanding that it is the heart with which God is concerned.  Don't fall into this trap!

I'll offer one example, but it's merely an example... an example of a "good thing" that can be elevated to a "necessary thing" if you look at the form, rather than the heart of the matter:

THE 5AM "QUIET TIME"
For example- the 5am quiet time.   Is this necessary?  Some bloggers and books seem to communicate that waking before your children is the "right" thing to do.  That if you're godly enough, if you prepare enough, if you are diligent enough (see how all this depends so stringently on *you* being good enough?), then you'll make a way for this to happen.  "Because if God's Word is important to you," their 'wisdom' goes, "you'll make Scripture the first priority in your life."

Well, I would argue with that line of thinking for many reasons--

1. Your priorities in life do not always/necessarily line up with the chronology of your day.  Sometimes you do something first because it makes sense to do it first, not because it's necessarily the most important, or because it's the most valuable to you.  Sometimes you put off something that is extremely valuable to you because you want to be able to give it your best attention or focus.  The timing is not always the key factor in whether something is a priority to you. 
2. This way of thinking completely dismisses the idea of seasons in a woman's life.  God Himself, in Isaiah 40:11 among other places, indicates that expectations differ based on the stage a "sheep" is in. One who has only young children, a nursing baby, a child with special needs, or other unique demands, is simply in a different stage than someone with teenagers, a college student, or an empty nester.  
3. It smacks of pharasaical thinking.  One description that sticks out for me (of the Pharisees) is this one (Matthew 23:4) : 

They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. 

Christian woman, don't get caught up in thinking that because someone else does something a certain way that you must emulate her form!

Focus on the heart...  if you find someone you look up to, imitate what is godly about her heart... her motivations... her character.  But eschew ways of thinking that would convince you that you need to follow and subscribe to the specific details of someone else's life (the curriculum she uses, the time or method of her Bible study, the cleaning schedule she follows, her convictions about intimacy/ food/ birth control/ etc.).

Kids, Chores and Proficiency: Does the Training Ever Pay Off?

Today's post will, I hope, be an encouragement for you younger mamas out there.  I was just sharing with Doug this morning how it seems like we've reached this new place with chores.

About three or four months ago, I bought a magnetized white board calendar with the intention of making a pinterest project I'd seen with a magnetized, changeable meal plan.  It was a great idea that I never got around to doing.  So instead, I used the large calendar white board (with 5 "weeks" on it) to make a slot for each kid with different house chores each day.

Each child (except for little Moses) has two chores to complete each day.  These chores are in addition to any normal daily routines (self-care, tidying their own messes, etc.), and in addition to any family-clean-up times as well (those moments when I call everyone in--whether out of a well-thought-out-plan or sheer frustration-- to all work together on a particular room/project).  

So anyway, they each have two jobs per day.  There are individual tasks like my big boys loading dishes or vacuuming alone... paired-off tasks like my 4 & 6 year olds unloading dishes together, or my 8 & 10 year olds cleaning bathrooms together... and entire-group tasks like everyone cleaning up the play room or tidying the living room together.  

But what I wanted to share with you today is that they're really getting proficient at these tasks.  After a couple months of training and consistency, yesterday it occurred to me: for the first time, I think, I didn't have to "coach" anyone.  No questions, no prodding, no reminding, no pointing out... I directed them to look at the board, and each did their task for the day, and each did their task well.  

(I did still have to settle/quell an argument between my 4 & 6 year olds... but that's normal parenting, not really related to the chore they were working on.)

So my word to you is this: let your two year old "help" you load laundry into the dryer, even though it takes longer... and take time to train your four, six, eight year old to be helpful... because it will pay off. They will learn life skills, and learn to take responsibility for things in their own home & environment.  They will appreciate you more, as they realize what all you do & have done for them all these years.  And they WILL, EVENTUALLY, gain proficiency and perhaps even occasionally do things exactly right, without constant, diligent near-exhausting oversight and training.

Just a word of encouragement to those of you in the middle of only the training... there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the "front" of our train is starting to pull into that light... even while I still have some "cars" back in that training stage too.  Just wanted to tell you it can be really GREAT.

Press on, mama!

Homeschooling & Realistic Expectations

I just wanted to share a small snippet of wisdom I received years ago that has helped me have a realistic expectation toward myself as a homeschooling mom.  When I participated actively on Sonlight Forums (which helped me greatly as I was getting acclimated to homeschooling), a more experienced mom shared this:

She told her husband he could come home to any 3 of the following:

• a clean house  

• clean, brushed, bathed, dressed children 

• educated children 

• a hot meal 

•  a "willing" wife 

But he could only pick 3 per day.  :D  I love that.  I can do it all, but not in one day. 

And many of us have other things to fit in too... perhaps you are in a situation where you have to fit in some part time hours of work, or language learning (lessons, study, & practice) several hours a day, or maybe you have an aging parent or grandparent that you care for.  

Mama, BE GRACIOUS toward yourself.  Give yourself the gift of realistic expectations, knowing you CANNOT DO IT ALL, ALL AT ONCE.  Rely on God.  Do the things you can do.  And don't feel bad or take on guilt from magazines, from Mrs. Perfection at your church, or from some false set of expectations thrust on you from another person.  

Do what you can do, and don't feel badly that some things fall through the cracks. The world will go on spinning if the bath gets skipped for today or if the dishes sit on the counter overnight.   Rest.  Trust.  And choose joy as you "do the next thing."




(***In case anyone is wondering what it is, the picture is of my 6 year old and 4 year old helping me brine the turkey for Thanksgiving, in a refrigerator drawer.***)

The Non-Scrapbooker's Scrapbook (Photobooks)

I'll admit it; there's no shame. :) Scrapbooking is something I never have gotten into.  Well, that's not entirely true.  There was that sad attempt with crayola markers, stickers, and a Mary Englebreit scrapbook to document my college years... but that was both the beginning and the end of my scrapbooking attempts.

But over the last few years, I've discovered these easy photobook publishing websites (and no, I'm not going to mention them or do a plug for some certain company; I've used a couple or three companies and found them all to be just fine for our purposes).  In this digital age, where we take skads more pictures than our parents or grandparents ever did, it is ironic that we are often less likely to have actual physical prints of our photos.

(Do you find this to be true for you?  It was for us, until I started photobooking.)

To solve this problem, I've opted to start regularly documenting our family's life by printing photobooks.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a 60% off coupon in my e-mail inbox from a photobook company I've used before...  but the catch was, the coupon had to be used by midnight (last night).  Since I haven't yet done a photobook for most of 2011, I went ahead and did the whole year's worth of our favorite pictures in one book.

Previously, I've done entire portions of our lives in one book (like our 4 years in Istanbul: 2007-2011, or our family trip to Cairo), but I like this method of doing one year in one book.  It gives me the opportunity to share more, without having to be so exclusive and choosy.  So my plan is to wait for the photobooks to go on sale each year (like they did yesterday), work like mad all day on a book (which I did throughout the entire day, yesterday), and make family yearbooks.

I find that we revisit our photobooks fairly often; I keep them on a handy reachable shelf so they are easily accessible, even to the children.  The kids will often pull one out and giggle about or remember experiences or funny moments we've shared as a family.  Course, we've had to teach them to be very careful with them, as (even on sale) they're not cheap to print.  But I really love this way of keeping up with family photos.


How do you deal with family photos in this digital age?  Are you a scrapbooker?  Do you have a routine of printing out favorite pictures?  Please share!

Recent Creative Efforts

This post will be picture-laden, as an attempt to share my recent creative endeavors.  I've been doing more crocheting, embroidery, and done some painting & sewing as well.  Here is some visual evidence:

The photo isn't great, but I embroidered 1 Corinthians 13 and framed it in an antique yellow frame: 

A close-up:

For VBS this year, the kids wanted to dress up like "Bible people", so I used some old fabric & they were thrilled:

For Ethan & Baxter's birthday, they asked for a shark theme, so I used a Pinterest idea to make a decorative shark watermelon (it worked out well, don'tcha think?) :

And did a shark cake, chasing a school of red fish candies as well (sorry for the lousy picture):

After writing our own set of "family guidelines," I took an old (ugly!) canvas I picked up at a thrift store, textured it with dried grass, painted over it with leftover paint we used for our laundry room, and sketched the text onto the canvas: 

I picked up an old extra-long cabinet door at a garage sale this summer, painted it with two different gray tones from our leftover house paint, and painted Proverbs 4:26- "Ponder the path of your feet":

Sorry for all the crummy pictures. :)  I'm no Pinterest-picture-worthy crafting queen, but I do enjoy using what I have and can do to make our home more beautiful, cheerful, and full of truth, and wanted to share those things with you all.  Perhaps it will inspire you to do with what you have & make your home a place that points to the beauty and truth of Heaven.  

What I Noticed While Watching My Friend Be "Busy At Home"

Almost 2 months ago, you may remember that I flew back to Istanbul to sort, sell, and pack our belongings there.  Upon returning, I shared how instructive it was for me to spend a week in a friend's home there, as an observer of her normal household routines.  Mother of four kids (ranging from 8 to 20 years old), former homeschooling mom, sometimes classroom teacher, crazy-busy woman that she is, her house stays, more or less, tidy.

Several of you asked me to share specifics.  And I intended to.  At first it was true exhaustion & the return to "normal" life here with my family, and then it was sloth, and finally it's been a desire on my part to avoid conviction, that has kept me from writing about it.  But now, with vigor, here I go... let me share with you some of my observations as I watched a woman who, like Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, is "busy at home".  I'll just rattle them off as they come to mind:

***Please, if you have a newborn, or a couple of preschoolers in the house, or if you are homeschooling, keep in mind that her youngest child is 8 & that all of her children are in school 8+ hours a week, 5 days a week.  These are observations about HER life, not prescriptions for YOURS. ***

1. She uses Mondays as a "reset" day.  After busy weekends darting here and there, attending church, cooking meals, carting kids back and forth to games and what not, she said she pretty much stays busy from the time the kids head off for school on Monday (around 7/7:30) until they get home from school.  She gets everything completely back in order... from the entryway with jackets, shoes, random paperwork, etc., to bedrooms.  The goal is to get everything back into a tidy, efficient, ready-to-use position.
2. She strives for two loads of laundry completely finished each day, but at least requires herself to do one load of laundry a day. She folds them directly out of the dryer into baskets to avoid wrinkling.
3. She irons one day a week.  As items that need to be ironed are washed throughout the week, she adds them to the ironing basket until that appointed day rolls around.  She said she likes to pick something fun to watch so that ironing isn't so dreadful.
4. She fully cleans the bathroom- top to bottom- twice a week.  I always noticed that her bathrooms looked like new, even 5-6+ years into living in the apartment.  Now I know why.  :) She works hard at it.  She wipes down every surface multiple times and does not tolerate "build up" of gunk, mildew, or problem cleaning areas.  She gets down to the nitty gritty (from baseboards to ceilings) and deals with it 2x a week so that it never REALLY gets horribly bad.  And because she keeps it up, each cleaning really doesn't take very long.  
5. She keeps up her dishes, and does not begin cooking a meal in a dirty kitchen.  Now, granted, she has limited counter space & is an excellent cook so for her, this is particularly important.  But it's a good standard.  I have always been a "dishes strewn across the counter" gal & it's a completely different feel in her kitchen.  She told me she just likes to start from a fresh position when she begins a meal.  
6. She used free moments strategically.  Multiple times a day, in 2-3 minute blocks here or there, I saw her wiping down the sink area, just to keep things tidy.  I joked with her about her obsessive-compulsive cleaning habits, but in all seriousness, her kitchen stayed tidy & ready for use.  And it was directly tied to her habits of taking advantage of the spare moments.
7. I noticed throughout the week that her default "position" was at the kitchen sink.  This may be the most important of all... not that we all stand around in our kitchens all day... but that her position was one that put her in a ready position to field meals, cleaning, and the family calendar.  Did you ever play baseball or softball?  "Get into position!" meant to hustle to the spot where you would be most advantageously used for the position you were playing.  THAT is what I saw in my friend Kelly.  She was "in position" for much of the day, doing dishes, preparing treats for her gluten-free son, checking out the calendar to be ready for what was coming, browsing a cookbook for something tasty that night, etc.  Her default position was one of busyness, not idleness.

Do you see why I avoided this topic?  It's convicting to think how much that last item on the list could not be used to describe my life.  Again, hear me, I'm not saying we should all be on standing with two feet on our kitchen mats all day... but it causes me to ask: is my default position one of joyfully attacking the work that falls under my responsibility?  Or do I put it off & delay with plenty of online or entertainment distractions?  

This reminds me of something my friend Bethany once asked: 

If my husband worked as hard as I do every day, would anyone want to hire him?  Would we have a paycheck coming in if he worked with the same level of effort and diligence as I do?

Anyway, I hope these observations have been helpful for you.  My friend Kelly is a stand-up woman, really a gem, and she is about 25 years into marriage & 20 years into parenting, and she has a lot more time than some of us may have... but she is an example to us as a godly woman who truly is a "keeper" of her home.  Because of her, their home runs smoothly and efficiently, and she is ready for company at almost any moment (and they host people--even large groups--often!).  Their home is tidy and enjoyable to visit.  I appreciate her example in my life, and I hope it's been a blessing to you to read these observations about her life.


Image: mrpuen / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Five

This is part five of a five-part series about how I went from working gal to stay-home-mom, back in 2002. You can read the other parts by clicking: PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR. (The pictures in this post are current pictures of our family, because I have virtually no pictures from 2002 in digital format.)

****************************************************************

As I began sharing last time, when we made the decision for me to be home with our baby, it wasn't because we were in great financial shape, or because my husband had a plum job & we could afford it. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We had student loans aplenty, and had just racked up more than $17,000 in medical debts because our son spent his first week in a NICU that didn't accept our insurance. We moved back to Texas to be near family, but had no job, no insurance, and had saved just enough money to get through a couple weeks (at best).

Everything rested on my husband's ability to pound the pavement and our God's ability to provide.

Doug applied at a wide variety of places, dropping his resume at virtually every place that would accept it, and filling out applications anywhere that he was able to do the work (i.e., from Home Depot to the Dallas Museum of Art). After a week or two, Doug got a call and was hired to work at Kohl's, the department store. He made a slightly more than minimum wage, and received a discount in their stores. We grocery shopped carefully, almost never ate out, lived in a one-bedroom apartment, made it work with one car & one cell phone (no landline), and used his discount to get nicer clothes for him for future interviews. If memory serves, he worked at Kohl's for 2-3 months.

A friend of ours at church told us about a mortgage company in the metroplex that was often looking for people for their bankruptcy department, and so Doug went through the process there and was hired. He worked hard, going in early (he would often leave at 5am to get a jumpstart on the workday and avoid traffic), and we were so thankful that he had a job, with an adequate salary (though I know some people think it's tacky to talk about money, I don't particularly care about "tacky"... I'm writing this story to encourage other families out there with our story, to give you hope that you can "do it", too, if you sense God's leading to stay home). He made $30,000 plus benefits.

We were thankful for his job, and it gave us enough as a young family. We didn't expect to have a designer house, and Ethan almost entirely wore clothes and used baby things that we were given or that we'd gotten at thrift stores. I didn't update my wardrobe, and didn't have a dishwasher or a 2nd car (so I literally "stayed home")... but despite lacking these external things that our society tells us we "need", we were so happy! I was so glad to be with this little person who was fascinated by everything and was, himself, so fascinating. Our new son & I spent our days together, friends came over to see us from time to time, and I tried my hand at cooking more than I had in our pre-baby days, with varying degrees of success. I still think back on those early days and am so glad we sacrificed so that Ethan and I could be together.

It's not a popular thing to say, but it is true-- in our very wealthy nation of America, it is almost always possible for a woman to stay home with her baby if she wants to. If you don't want to, that's your decision. But for those who do want to stay home, and are wondering if you can do it, or thinking that it's impossible, I want to encourage you that it is possible. Like we did, you might need to move to a less expensive city. You may not have "luxury" items, or even what other people expect as "normal". Like mine did, your husband may have to take a job (or jobs) that are outside his area of expertise. But you can make it work, and in the long run, you won't regret making hard choices, or even sacrificing, in order to enjoy these special moments with your baby, and give him a loving, stable, and connected start in life.

From one mom who's been there, you CAN stay home if you want to, and it is so precious to share those days together with the new little person God has put in your family.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Three

If you're just starting to read here, you'll want to read Part One and Part Two. This is Part Three of the story of how I decided to stay home with our children; I don't know how many parts there will be- maybe four? five?. It seems to grow longer with each detail I recall... but I'm trying to give enough context to help share about our lives, so that it's not some one-dimensional "life", but the real picture of how things were for us, then.

So, now we're up to Spring 2002. We lived in Washington, D.C. We had our jobs (both great), we had our plans (me continue working), and I was about halfway into my second trimester.

Living the Big Time

I remember one day, the President of Mexico and the Governor of Texas (my boss, at that time) were invited to the White House for a consultation with President Bush about border and trade issues. My boss came in with a smile a few days prior, and said he had 5 invitations to the South lawn of the White House, and would I like to go? So, that day, I stood beside the bandstand, pregnant, grinning, on my feet the whole time. Peering over the crowds, I saw President Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Vice President Cheney, and President Vincente Fox, among others. It seemed that nothing could top this!

Growing Belly

Each day, on my way to and from work, while sitting down on the metro ride into work (because I was showing, someone would almost always offer me their seat), I would crochet one square for the baby blanket I was making.

Doug and I would talk about anything and everything while I stared and worked at my little pastel squares. We didn't find out if it was a boy or girl (it was a boy, Ethan, to the right), so I'd chosen neutral colors. As time progressed, I could sometimes manage one square going, and one square coming back home. I had to complete something like 100 squares, I think.

Doug still gets tickled when he remembers watching me pregnant-waddle my way down the sidewalk to work. After the metro ride in, we'd walk together to a certain corner where we had to split up to get to our work places. I always thought we both just kept walking after that initial goodbye. At one point, he told me he often stopped to watch me walk... not crossing the street right away, but just watching me pregnant-waddle on down the sidewalk. He says it with such affection and adoration that I could never get frustrated about the fact that he used the word "waddle". :)

Making Plans

Like I said, we had made our plans. Doug was applying to grad schools; I was banking up time to take once I had the baby.

Working for the State of Texas gave me fairly good benefits... I had up to twelve weeks off, much of that with pay because I'd saved up my time off. Our plans were logical, and even the timing was good. I had responsibilities tied to the legislative sessions in both TX and DC, and linked to the calendar year (lots of end-of-the-year reporting from Nov-Dec, and year-in-review stuff at the beginning of each year as well) . So I had a heavier work load from October to May... but our baby was due in late June, so my maternity leave would come at a perfect time.

We knew that initially, Doug would be able to stay with the baby, but if he got accepted into graduate school, we'd have to find a day care or work out some kind of childcare/nanny situation.

Reality Hits

And then, one day, while Doug & I were talking, it just came out-- suddenly-- surprising us both with the force with which I felt it. Basically:

"I can't keep working! I don't want to miss our baby's first steps... have him or her smile and do cute things at someone else all day long while I have a one-dimensional picture on my desk... have his or her cries go unanswered or artificially pacified... I don't want someone else to know my baby the way I'm meant to.

Twelve weeks off can't possibly be enough time! I'm the one who should be there... snuggling, reading to him or her, telling them "night-night", the first face they see when they wake up from a nap, able to pick them up when they cry, give them my affection, and pass on our values... I don't want to miss these things! God made mothers to be there with and for their children. I can't keep working, Doug."

And God bless him, he listened. I know some husbands don't. I know some people (men and women alike) pass these sorts of feelings off as emotional, prenatal, post-natal, hormonal, or what not. Maybe you think that of me... and that's fine, I don't care. The thing I love is that he listened.

His response to me? "Okay. We'll make that happen."

Thank God for that response, and for this man! Our whole family is the better for the way Doug listened to my heart as a woman, as a mother, and as his wife, and the way, from that moment on, he led our family into (what was then) the unknown.

(Click to read: PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Two

{Click here to read Part One}

... So, there we were, newly married & living large in the center of the free world. I had a job I could not have even dreamed up, full of variety and opportunities for learning & growth in the area I was passionate about: politics. Doug got a not-so-very-exciting job checking coats in the cloakrooms of the National Gallery of Art, but it was still very exciting, because -- for crying out loud!-- he was working at the National Gallery of Art, surrounded by Rembrandt, Calder, Monet, Rothko, van Gogh, and whenever we wanted we could just browse through and go see my favorite painting in the world... "Repose" by John Singer Sargent.

Did you click on that link? Isn't it lovely? So relaxing...

Anyway, it was a great time in our lives. We shopped at Trader Joes in Old Town Alexandria, walked two miles a day getting to and from the metro, and generally had a blast together. What a great place to be when you're a carefree, happily-in-love couple on a relatively tight budget (yes, I made good money for a recent college grad, but it's still DC, and things were tight). We took in the sights, enjoyed the cherry blossoms, and life was a joyful blur lived alongside one another.

We still look back to that time together as a time that strengthened our relationship. When we wanted entertainment (mind you, this was before the 2-laptop, each with their own ipad & iphone, texting and typing in the same room, family model), we pulled out a deck of cards and played canasta whilst downing Tostitos and absurd amounts of guacamole. When we needed to talk, we turned to each other. When we wanted a laugh, we laughed together. When we had a problem, we worked through it together. That time of togetherness taught us to turn to one another, rather than outside of our relationship, when we had a need, or wanted to share something important.

THE DAY WE ALL REMEMBER

One day, roughly six months after we'd moved to DC, we'd each gone to work and I was taking in the morning's news before beginning my day. Sitting at my desk, I heard the news that shook all of America -- that a plane had hit a building in NYC. I immediately called Doug and told him the news, and maybe instinctively, we reminded each other of the place where we'd said we'd meet in case anything ever went bad in DC.

I was watching the TV as the 2nd plane hit, and I just knew. We all did. When I tried to call Doug again, the lines were jammed. There was no getting through at that point, and I was so glad we had talked just minutes before. After the initial shock wore off, we realized that there was no way we would be working through that day. At some point, everyone in the office started gathering belongings and saying gentle, heartfelt goodbyes... we all felt so tender toward, and protective of, one another on that day.

A couple of the men who lived out near where we did, in Alexandria, decided to drive home with our boss (not the woman I told you about last time; she had moved over to the Dept. of Education at this point, and so this was her replacement-- a really nice man), who had driven in that morning. Knowing that we'd ridden the metro that morning (one of the stops on our line was the Pentagon, so we knew we'd not be getting home the same way we'd come), he offered the two extra seats in his car to Doug & I, and I explained that we'd need to go get him at the corner where he & I had pre-arranged to meet.

When we got out of the parking garage, it was chaos... just like a movie. Cars weaving through every which way, traffic laws ignored, bicycles cutting across, and horns blaring. It was an eerie thing, and I was so concerned; there was no way we were going to get to Doug. Just as I was sitting there worrying, one of my co-workers, Todd, said, "Hey, doesn't Doug have a yellow backpack?" I looked where he was looking, and sure enough-- there was Doug, with his backpack, fighting through traffic lanes against the flow of people walking away from the Capitol. He hopped in the car, and we were so thankful to be together, in the middle of all the chaos.

We eventually turned onto the road that passes just in front of the Capitol, and just about then was when the radio announcers began talking about a 4th plane that was still up in the air and seemed headed for D.C. It was frightening to be in that place at that time. We passed the Navy Yards, where, for the first time in my life, I saw soldiers with their fingers on the triggers of machine guns-- ready to protect and defend. It all seemed so shocking, so vivid.

A bit later, as we turned onto a major road and came up out of the buildings, we saw the smoke. That drive home... only about 15 miles... took 5 hours that day. And the smoke was there every minute, rising up from the Pentagon, reminding us of what we could not stop replaying in our minds... there had been an attack. We hung on the radio announcer's every word, and then, finally, when we got home, I think it was mid- to late-afternoon by that point, we turned on the TV. Doug saw, for the first time, what we were all so horrified about. He just hadn't fathomed how huge the holes were in the Twin Towers. And then, like the rest of you, from that time on, we were riveted by these things as we watched on TV.

MORE BIG NEWS

After that day, our personal lives changed as well... two or three short weeks after September 11th, I became pregnant with our son Ethan, who is now almost 9 years old.

We told my mom and our families almost immediately... but I didn't want to tell my co-workers for a while, and so we didn't. I had heard so many stories about women who lost job opportunities because of maternity leave, etc., and so I didn't want to raise the issue until more time had passed, until I could hide it no longer. I was personally excited -- so excited to be on my way to motherhood-- but felt professionally cautious. So October passed, and November, and December, and still, they didn't know. Sometime in January or February, when I was-- I think-- around 20 weeks along, I told my boss, and he was shocked. And then the cat was out of the bag to everyone. Which was great, because shortly thereafter, I went from losing weight to having a clearly growing belly. :)

Doug & I talked through our options and decided that the sensible thing to do was for me to keep working, since my job was so incredibly fulfilling, had the potential to launch me into incredible heights, and since --practically-- I was bringing home the bacon. Doug had finished up his last few college credits at a community college there, while working 25-30 hours per week at the National Gallery. His job was more supplemental income than foundational, at that point.

So we came to the conclusion that I would take my maternity leave, and then continue working, and he would be able to paint and work on his portfolio to get ready to apply for his MFA in painting, while caring for our baby and bringing him/her (we didn't find out with our first pregnancy) up to nurse, etc. It seemed like the perfect plan...

(Click to read: PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Deciding to Stay Home, Part One

It's not often that I write solely biography-type posts. But this one is that, fully our story. It's our story of who we were, and how I became a stay-home mom.

COLLEGE GIRL

Long ago (well, 12 years ago), in a country (the US) far from the one where I have lived these last 4 years, I was in college, and things were going well. I'd applied for, and been granted, an internship in the office of then-Governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee. And I was our Sophomore Class President, known on campus as the gal to talk to to get things done. I was ambitious and excited about the future, dreaming of running state and local campaigns in the short-run, and being a U.S. Senator in the long-run. I had a plan for how the future would go, and it all started right in the spot I was sitting, as an intern for this up-and-coming Republican Governor.

POLITICAL INTERN

That Spring ('99), I'd wake up early, get over to the school cafeteria for breakfast with a friend of mine, and hightail it to Little Rock for my internship a few days each week. Little did I know that there, at that cafeteria table, intimidated by my suits & heels, was my future husband.

Doug was quiet and reserved, & sat by his old youth group friend Erica, a good friend of mine. But he always sat several spots down at the table, and quite literally said nothing that I can remember, so I had no idea who he was. I think I had a vague inkling that he knew my friend, but that was the extent of things between us.

During that semester, I met then-Senator Blanche Lincoln, monitored committees for the Governor's office (including one that had Jim Bob Duggar as a committee member-- even then, with something like 7 or 9 kids, he was an attention-getter amongst staffers and lobbyists in the Capitol Building), and to be honest, I just knew I was going places.

I met the Governor a couple of times, but primarily, my function there was keeping tabs on committee happenings, and occasionally writing and editing briefing papers. That semester solidified my commitment to my third (and final) college major: political science. (I'd started out as a Vocal Performance major, spent a semester or two as an English major, and settled on Political Science during that Soph. year... why do they make us declare so early?)

DATING DOUG

The next year, Doug & I went to Wal-Mart at the start of the year with Erica (my roommate that year) to stock up on supplies for our dorm room. As we sat in the back of the car chit-chatting, I learned that he drove a VW (which delighted me), that he was wry & hilarious, and he learned that I wasn't an uppity girl in suits, noted that I liked to dance (and that he liked the way I danced), and we spent time laughing together. The next day or two, I saw him memorizing Scripture on a bench on campus and found myself even more drawn to him. In the weeks that followed, we had a blast getting to know each other as friends.

[There is a side-tangent I could go on about a long-distance dating relationship I ditched shortly into knowing Doug, but for the sake of the main point of this story, let's keep going.]

During the Fall, we became inseparable. I'd never been able to stand any guy for even 2 months, and yet with Doug, I couldn't get enough... I never wanted to be apart from him! Soon, we realized we both felt the same way, and so we got engaged in the Spring, and set our wedding for that Fall (2000).

MARRIED, WORKING GIRL

It worked out for me to graduate a semester early, and so I graduated in December, just 2 months after our wedding, and I spent the Spring of what would have been my Senior year working for the 2001 AR legislature as a committee staffer. During those months, I heard former President Bill Clinton speak in the Arkansas Statehouse (regardless of politics, he & Huckabee are two of the most dynamic speakers I've ever encountered!), and Doug & I began tossing around the idea of moving to Washington, DC.

He was finishing up a degree in Art, with a focus on painting, and I was going great guns in the political sphere. What better place to combine the two, we thought, but Washington, D.C.? Soon enough, with the help of a very-politically-active relative of Doug's, and my sharp editing skills, I'd put together my resume & a few dozen cover letters, and had a great list of leads for my job hunt. Essentially, the plan was this:

• Blanket the Hill in DC with resumes
• I'd get a job that would cover the bills enough for us to move up there by summer
• Doug finish up his remaining half-dozen or so class hours in the DC area, while working any old job he could find
• I could move up the political food-chain, he could go to grad school

So we sent out the resumes, and I flew up to DC for a weekend. After about a dozen interviews with various congressional and political affairs offices, and one call-back interview, I received a few job offers. One job offer was to do routine mail responses for a Senator (i.e., write "happy Birthday" letters to constituents), another was for doing legislative research for briefings for a Congressman.

But from the place where I'd had the call-back interview, I got a job offer that knocked my socks off. Because many top Texas political workers had transitioned into working in the Bush White House, there was a huge gap in the Texas intergovernmental affairs office located there in DC. I'd applied there for an entry-level political issues job, where I would monitor issues on the Hill & report back to various Texas agencies. Instead, after seeing my writing & editing skills (thank you, former-English major classes!), she offered for me to come in as the Associate Director of the office, the #2 slot! Not only that, but I'd have variety-- be doing a little bit of everything... monitoring political issues, overseeing office affairs, hiring & firing, writing & editing all official communications, and serving as her assistant and advisor. The woman who gave me this amazing opportunity would later become the Assistant Secretary of Education for President Bush.

It was surreal. This was no entry-level job. My starting salary was more than double that of the other jobs I was offered, I had an office 2 blocks from the Capitol building, and a full wall of windows that overlooked a grassy area. We secured an apartment near to the metro line, I had an incredible job in DC, and the future looked bright.

...to be continued.

(Click to read: PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

7 Quick Takes Friday - #6

When I have time, I sure do enjoy doing the "7 Quick Takes" posts, so I can share things on my mind, or in my life (like, check out my little rolling man over here to the right ---->). And I like hearing from you, so please, comment if you have the urge. :) Don't forget to pop over to Jen's blog if you're interested in reading others' "quick takes".

1. First, I've been a cleaning/sorting fool this week. Maybe it has something to do with sleeping all night long for more than a week, but I've had a lot of energy for organizing, editing, and pitching unnecessary stuff from our home, and it's been nice. We took 8 or 10 bags of clothes to a home where needy Central Asians will be able to take what they can use, and I got rid of a lot of clutter in our home as well (extra dining room seat cushions, unnecessary toys, ballcaps, books, magazines, and a whole lot of trash). I sorted through some of the kids' clothes we have stashed away and kept only what we'll really potentially want to use again. Having moved five times in less than five years overseas, we had quite a bit of accumulation. It feels good to tackle some of it and pare it down.
   
   
2. I realized this week that I really like decorating with words around the home. Here are a few examples:
   (made this one last year)
   
   (brought this one with us overseas)
   That last one is one I've just cut and pinned (definitely not complete... I'm thinking of adding two little feet to one side); it's from Proverbs. I hope to sew it together soon... ya know, "when I find the time". I've lived this way for several years and am once again aware of how much I love to have inspiring words, visible in our home.
   
   
3. A few things converged this week and made me think more about nighttime sleep with an infant.
   
   It seems like it can be easy to look at parenting or nighttime sleep issues philosophically when you still have the option of "sleeping every time the baby sleeps", or being at home in your pajamas all day without anyone little looking up to you as their example or educator, or when your kids are maybe spaced every 3-4 years or more. But those who are homeschooling older kids, or those who have several little ones in a row often need to think a lot more practically and realistically, and it becomes much more necessary to do like the stewardess says, and "put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping the people around you". In those situations, it can be essential to thoughtfully evaluate and meet your own needs in order that you might better care for the people entrusted to your care.
   
   Or else you can end up burned out, spent, and utterly exhausted. (Amy wrote about this recently.) Motherhood on its own (with sleep!) is tiring enough, and at the same time has been one of God's best tools for sanctification in my own life. To take responsibility for loving and meeting the needs of our kids... to love them and serve them... but in order to "love others as we love ourselves", there's an underlying assumption that we "love ourselves"... we need to take care of the body God has given to each of us.
   
   
Please hear that I am not quibbling about whether or not to meet a baby's needs, but rather, that we need to think more carefully about what constitutes a "need". For my part, I'm a firm believer in regular, nighttime rest for everyone in the family (I think this is a "need"... for all of our health and particularly for mom's sanity), and so we strive for it as soon as it can be had without crying-it-out.

And if you're a young mom who has been made to feel that being intentional about pursuing nighttime sleep is somehow negative or impossible or wrong, I just want to encourage you that it is possible to do so gently, lovingly, and fruitfully, most of the time. And that there's nothing wrong with desiring that and working towards it. Hang in there and reach up for your oxygen mask.


4. We went to Chili's for our 10-year anniversary a couple weeks ago. :)Yes, Chili's. You see, we live overseas. Never in a million years would we go to Chili's for our 10-year anniversary if we lived in the States, but when you live abroad, strange things happen to you. Our tastebuds were up in arms, and demanded some delicious tortilla chips, salsa, honey chipotle tenders, and more. So we gave into our tastebuds, even if it doesn't sound like a very glamorous date. :)My husband spoiled me rotten- I'll spare you all the details, but he really went above and beyond and surprised me several times over. I love him so much. And we really enjoyed the chips and salsa, pared with a chance to do our anniversary examination tradition.
   
   
5. Crocheted a new hat for Moses. It looks pretty cute on him, wouldn't you say? :)




6. And I made an apron for Maranatha... it matches mine, but has a different edging detail so we can easily tell them apart. She was quite excited.
   


7. And I re-used some old jeans and a dress with missing buttons, and turned them into bibs and baby shoes:
   
   
   
I guess I've felt a bit crafty lately.

So that's my 7 Quick Takes for the week. Comments or thoughts to share?

Growing as a Homemaker (Learning to Tackle the Nitty Gritty of the Home)

Today I want to get real about homemaking in the life of a young mother.

Each time we have added a new person to the family (like our recent addition, Moses, the precious little person to your left), something has had to grow or change in the way I approach the care of our home. I definitely was lousy at this in the beginning (I'm not being falsely humble here), and for years, I've settled for feeling adequate. I'm only now (8 years into being at home full-time) starting to feel a real sense of competency at homemaking.

SURVIVAL MODE

When I had our first son, Ethan, it really was just basic survival. Our home was constantly messy. I'm not saying this to glorify it, just telling you the truth. I remember talking with a friend of mine who had five kids at that time and quite literally believing that my laundry task rivaled hers. It just seemed so monumental and mountainous! The dishes almost never got done... I was constantly behind (thank God for a compassionate husband and mother!). And my "meals" were almost entirely composed of convenience foods + meat and/or butter and/or milk. For me, early motherhood combined with homemaking was simply survival. And yet, we somehow made it, and enjoyed ourselves in the process!

LAUNDRY

When we added Baxter to the mix, I got better at managing laundry. Somehow, though I had another person to care for, I got a little better. I realized that it really doesn't take that long to throw in a load of laundry, so I should stop putting it off, and do that regularly. And I began multi-tasking, sitting next to a little person crawling or playing on the floor and folding that laundry. Don't get me wrong, the house was still a mess most of the time and the meals were still composed of convenience foods, but the laundry was mostly caught up. This felt like a huge achievement!

COOKING

When we had our daughter Maranatha, we had also recently moved overseas. So laundry was being hung (no longer had a clothes dryer) and language was being studied. But somehow, even with adding in a new person, I got better at cooking, out of necessity. No longer could I rely on Hamburger Helper to help me along. No longer could I regularly use "cream of ______" soups to feed the hungry people in my home. I actually had to learn to cook from scratch, to use ingredients to put together a meal that we would all want to eat, and to do it 3 times a day. Cooking seemed to take FOR-EV-ER (and that year, I spent upwards of 3 hours a day in the kitchen), but I got better at it. Even my sister-in-law (domestically gifted one that she is) commented on the improvement my cooking when we returned for a few months after living abroad-- that felt great!

SHOPPING & MEAL PLANNING

Just before we added Silas to the mix, I came across a "Supermarket Savings" online course and the best thing I took away from it was making up a 4-week meal plan. So I basically tackled my meal-planning and turned it into something that was a no-brainer part of my life. As opposed to the "fly by the seat of your pants and buy whatever you happen to want" or the "sit down and plan out the week" methods of grocery shopping, it now takes very little effort to know what to buy and to know what to cook. I continue to use this plan, and re-work the details of meals/ingredients every 8-10 months or so.

CLEANING

Because I'm more of a laid-back messy, rather than a "place for everything and everything in its place" sort of gal, it's taken me this many kids to really start to have to have a plan for cleaning. And anyone who's been in my home can probably testify to the, well, lack of shinyness around here. :) But we're happy. Nonetheless. It's to the point now that if I did nothing all day, the living room would have dozens of books strewn about, at least one toy set littering the floor, colors and color books found at random points in the home, and play doh bits scattered across the floor under the dining table (and thus, soon, tracked through the whole house). And more. (Every mom can testify to the pain of stepping on legos and the frustrations of plates and juice spills left on the table!)

All that to say that we have reached a point that regular, planned cleaning is an utter necessity. No longer will spot cleaning here and there do the trick. So I have a master task list where I listed out every single thing that needs to be done (cleaning wise) in the house, and then parsed those things out, in logical groupings, to a day of the week. Now, I'm still not organized enough to actually carry out each job on the day of the week that it falls, but for the most part, most things get done at least once every couple of weeks. And for now, that's good enough. I care about cleaning more now, but I still can't be OCD about it, ya know?

WHAT'S MY POINT?

I just want to give you freedom. Freedom to be who you are and exist in the stage of life that you are currently in. I didn't have it all together, and we survived. I still don't have it all together, and we're doing just dandy. Our little boys leave the toilet seats up sometimes. Dishes still all-too-regularly litter our countertop. I don't even own "Nourishing Traditions", and I "bake my own bread" (aka throw some ingredients into the breadmaker) about 4 times a year. The bedsheets get changed when I remember. There are strengths in my life as a homemaker (meal-planning, laundry), and there are weaknesses (organizing, dishes).

I hope no one would ever come to Making Home and think, "wow, this is a woman who has it together," or, "this comes easy to her, she was probably born doing this stuff!" or feel that you have to achieve everything all at once, simply because you see someone with more children, ten or twenty years into motherhood, doing many things capably. Do what you can, and keep learning. Feel God's pleasure as you learn what you can, but don't take on guilt for what others can do that you may not yet be able to do, or may have no desire to do.

DO NOT GIVE UP!

Motherhood, budgeting, homemaking, meal planning, homeschooling-- these things aren't easy things. And particularly in our mobile, emotionally distant society, these things are made more difficult because we don't have community/societal support as we learn these things. I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. Galatians 6:9 tells us "let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up". I think just as this principle applies to spiritual reaping and harvesting, it also applies to learning and growth as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Keep applying yourself to doing good. Do good for your husband, do good for your children, do good for your home, do good for the Body of Christ and your friends and neighbors around you.

Keep on doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up!