Show & Tell: Fun Finds for April

***Just wanted to share some exciting (for me) news: my letter to Maranatha has been published at the Gender Blog put out by the Council for Biblical Manhood & Womanhood. (This feels like silly self-promotion, but I'm so thrilled and feel so honored and I wanted to share it with all of you!) ***

Get ready for some fun links-- these should give you lots of interesting reading, so here we go!

INTERESTING VIDEOS:

• Mt. Sinai, Moses & the Exodus: This video is absolutely incredible; it's in 10 parts and takes about an hour and a half to complete. Full of interesting, on-the-ground archaeological and geographical research into the biblical account of the exodus based on the biblical text, the evidence unfolds before your very eyes. Ethan & I had so much fun watching this video after having read through the exodus account over the last few weeks in school.
  
• Butterfly Emerging from Chrysalis: I was explaining this to the boys a couple weeks ago and realized that there was probably a video on the internet that would show the whole thing. Bada-bing, bada-boom- I found this... a time-lapsed video that shows it in high-speed (and then you can click to watch the slow, real-time version). The internet has its drawbacks, but stuff like this is so incredible!
• Dinosaurs in computer animation: Based on bone structure and placement, animal "norms" and other research, Discovery channel put out these interesting videos that show what dinosaurs may have looked like in their original environment. Interesting stuff.

ABORTIONS, BIRTH CONTROL, AND BABIES:

• Even feminists are saying it: Wanna have a baby? Now's the time.
• John Piper has put out a new statement about the biblicality of birth control.
• Royal college warning about abortion: it can lead to mental illness
• Baby supposed to only live a few hours is perfectly healthy: makes you wonder how often this has happened before, when parents have opted to abort, doesn't it?!?
• The abortion industry's #1 provider-- Planned Parenthood: your tax dollars at work.
• Natural labor induction techniques: the most complete list I found, FYI.
• Post-partum dressing tips: great and feminine ideas from Emma about hiding the post-baby "pooch"
  

RELATIONSHIPS:

• I love you, but you love meat: not only an interesting commentary on veganism, but also an interesting commentary for all of us to consider about how personal idiosyncracies or preferences might keep otherwise compatible men & women from marrying and starting a family together.
• 83 Years of Marriage: what a neat story! Maybe we'll make it to 83 years-- there's at least a chance- we were married at 21! :)
• Holding Out: Boundless wrote a great article about young Christian singles who seem to be waiting for greener pastures... I'd love to hear from you guys on this-- do you think this is an accurate assessment of how things are going among Christian singles/college students?
• Either Serve God Wholeheartedly OR Get Married?
• An honest commentary about the "appeal" of abstinence education as it's been done by churches and Christian families in recent decades

THOUGHTS ON FAITH:

• 6 Aspects of Humility: Desiring God blog reminds us of what it means to be humble
• Brother Yun's Thoughts on the Western Church: See America's churches through the eyes of a Chinese house church pastor
• Obeying the Word of God: Terry reminds us to focus on obeying the basics of Scripture.
• The Unwasted Life: Tamara writes about intentional living-- living for God's glory-- living in light of eternity... good stuff.
  

WOMANHOOD:

• Girls: Rod Dreher shares his thoughts about the natural differences between the sexes.
• Is a Woman Just an Egg-Factory? Around the world, this is happening more and more.
• Bratz at the Beach: Crunchy Con shares some great thoughts about how the culture is affecting teenage and college-aged girls and their aims & dreams. It's disappointing and insightful all at once.
• Buying Clothes: the frustration of being a normal woman in a sex-driven, cleavage-baring, nothing-off-limits world-- do you ever find yourself wondering, "where can I get some normal clothes???"
  

ON POLITICS:

• An Open Letter to the Religious Right: WOW. I found myself nodding along to so much of this... especially-- ESPECIALLY-- the part about Ann Coulter.
• Mike Huckabee's take on the Obama/pastor/race issue
• Why Mike Huckabee's candidacy mattered
• Missing Mike Huckabee already
  

MISCELLANEOUS USEFUL or INTERESTING LINKS:

• Questions You Should Never Ask ANYONE- my friend Bethany compiled a great list of rude questions people ask when they oughtta just bite their tongue (I've been asked some of these!)!
  
• Stages of Responsibility: I found this to be helpful for ideas and to evaluate the reasonableness of asking kids to do various things around the house. It's a listing of chores and home responsibilities based on children's ages and skill levels
• On My Sewing Machine: Shannon might just inspire you to pull out the fabric & thread!
• Depressed in the Lap of Luxury: Why "having it all" does NOT equal happiness
  
• "How I Feed My Family of EIGHT on $300 a month"-- need grocery-savings tips? I think this woman's series of articles is a great place to start!
• Battling Sexual Sin
• Why I Don't Read Your Blog - I found myself nodding to a lot of these-- I've had to cut back on my blog reading anyhow (it's just overwhelming, and I easily fall into what Joe Carter described himself as-- a complete media junkie), but this list describes some of the reasons why I choose not to read certain blogs (ETA: Additionally, I found this list helpful in identifying problem areas that I need to avoid when blogging.)
  
• Jonah: Too Horrifying for Kids? - an honest appraisal of the dumbing down and p.c.-ing of Bible stories
• Designed for Sex: an incredibly good article about what sex is for and what we lose when we lose sight of God's plan for intimacy
  

GOOD FOR A LAUGH:

• This is something I've always been bothered by: the phrase "Hedge of Protection"-- and Tim Hawkins' comments about it cracked me up!
  

Show & Tell: The Mother "Load" of Links

Goodness gracious, ladies. I have a HEAP of links to share with you. You'll just have to browse and pick from them because there are just too many (I think I must've been compiling them from the past month, er, um... year). But do pick some. They're all so good.

First up, Heather wrote this post: My (Mis) Perceptions which aptly sums up some things I've been thinking and feeling lately... about the way we get settled in our opinions and views.

*** Also, I've updated my songs down at the bottom of this page, so there are some great new songs (I kept some of the same ones though!) and a couple of mini-sermons for you to listen to as you browse! ***


BEING WIFE & MOMMY: links on wifelihood and motherhood--

• The modern view of motherhood: Kelly sounds off after reading this celebrity quote: "After three months with a newborn and a toddler I was happy to go back to work."
• "Yes, He's Still Nursing": breastfeeding facts and encouragement (I'm about four weeks away from re-joining the ranks of nursing moms!)
  
• The Cost of Raising Children: The problem with these sorts of figures (which are actually lower than what is often quoted in parenting magazines) is that they don't take into account the fact that my 3.5 year-old son is now wearing clothes that his big brother wore two years ago and that his soon-to-be-born brother will wear in another two years or so. My 21-month old daughter is reading books that have already been enjoyed (and continue to be enjoyed) by her older siblings. These types of costs are one-time costs, no matter HOW many kids you have. If you have two, they can be used twice (even if you have one boy and one girl, there are many toys and things like strollers that can be used by both genders), and if you have seventeen children (like the Duggars), there's no telling how many times things can be used!
  
• The Business of Being Born- a new documentary that's coming out about childbirth and modern hospitals-- really seems like an interesting film (headed up by Ricki Lake-- remember her?! ) Read one blogger's review of the movie.
• Cultivating Wise Habits- Amy reminds us to be careful with what we do and don't do, and particularly in the habits we form.
  
• Life With Boys- Renee always has such fun insights from her life with 11 children. Here's a fun and right-on post about life as a mommy with little guys running around.
• Marriage: An Idol?- Is it wrong for a single woman to desperately WANT marriage?
• Bible Story Books: Al Mohler's recommendations for children's Bible books.
• WORDS OF LIFE: Gina shares some penetrating questions about how to measure our words against Scripture, as we speak to our children, to our husbands, and to the world around us.
  
• Adopt Or Have My Own?- Candace @ Boundless thinks through this question posed by a reader.
• Watching Your Child Grow Up... on the Internet: "modern" moms and their technological dilemnas (what a sad commentary this is on how feminism has changed families in America!)
  

THE BODY OF CHRIST: links on faith & Christianity--

• The "State of the Church"- WOW! June has put together some fascinating statistics about the American church.
• Persecution Ought Never to Strike Us as Strange
• Families Worshiping Together: John and Noel Piper share their thoughts on weekly church and how to involve your children in this time.
  
• Finding the Perfect Church
• EXCESS: Sara has some challenging words to help us to examine our lifestyles, and where we spend our money, time, and energy! (If you don't regularly read Sara's blog, you're missing out-- what a gem!)
• HEALTH & WEALTH teaching- WOW~ John Piper's view on prosperity gospel "preaching"
• Church Gets Fined for NOT Hiring Gay Man as Pastor- Folks, be on your guard-- this is where things are heading... when a church can't abide by Scriptural guidelines without being taken to task by the courts, we are in serious trouble.
  

ABORTION: links on the murder of babies--

• TERM-inology: examining late-term abortion & partial birth abortion
• KNOW THE FACTS ABOUT ABORTION: John Piper encourages us to be informed about abortion and gives some helpful links so that you can "get informed"!
• How I Became Pro-Life- This former pro-choice athiest shares her VERY interesting story.
  
• When Abortion Is Just "A Choice"- many abortionists would have you believe that most or all abortions are out of desperation (and many are), but there are those who abort simply because they can.
• How much of America has been aborted? Sallie shared a great visual that gives you a picture of how BIG abortion is... how many of "us" we've murdered carrying out this "right" called abortion.
  
• What CAN unborn babies feel? This is a FASCINATING article about fetal pain, and it has strong implications for abortion "rights".

POTUS 2008: links about the Presidential election (potus= President Of The United States)

• The Five Stages of McCain- an interesting analysis of the changes many have gone through in the last month or so, when considering McCain as a candidate
• What Has Obama Done? Chris Matthews asks this not-so-difficult question to someone who ought to have had a ready answer... it's almost painful to watch.
• Election '08: Idealism Vs. Pragmatism- Terry gives some great analysis to the choices we'll all have to make, both now and in November in the voting booth.
  

MISCELLANEOUS: links that are totally random & totally (in my view) worth your time--

• Reflexology Foot Map- tells you where to massage for which ailments/parts of your body you want to target. I had a killer sinus infection last month, and Doug worked wonders just by rubbing where it told him to. (This isn't anything New-Agey... just an amazing way our bodies work!)
• Make Your Own Laundry Detergent. And spend pennies to the dollar. Seriously.
  
• What I Learned From Watching Sex & the City- One student shares his views on modern sexuality and what Christians' response to our culture ought to be.
• Spring Cleaning? Cost-saving tips for cleaning your home!
• Dating-- Mark Driscoll tackles this issue (and many other interesting ones, like Birth Control, in his series on Nine Christian Misconceptions) with straightforward biblical truth. I really like his style-- I have been listening to him a LOT lately.
  
• Make an adorable toddler dress from hubby's old dress shirts!
  
• DEMOGRAPHIC WINTER-- PLEASE watch this trailer for this film. The "overpopulation" myth has long been debunked, but the fact that traditional families are fading has serious implications for our society and our world. Check out this article about "Demographic Winter": Low Birth Rate Kills Economy, Society.
• I HATE LEFTOVERS: Practical tips for not letting food go to waste.
• Chicken Pocket Sandwiches- here's the recipe for the food I referenced on my pre-baby preparation post the other day.
  

LEVITY: links to make you laugh--

• DOs and DON'Ts with Babies- pictures included.
  
• How to Get Rid of a Stoner Son- for those of you with drug-using adult-escents in your home (or those of you who just want to giggle).
• THE GIANT HAIRBALL- I'm not kidding; I wish I was. You've got to see it to believe it. (Warning: don't click this one if you're eating!)
  

As always, happy reading! This may or may not be the last one I do for a while, seeing as how I've got a baby due in, oh, about three and a half weeks. ;-) We'll see. Regardless, these links should keep you nice and busy!

Noteworthy & Quoteworthy

Lately, many of my posts have been just passing on things that others have written or said that I've found meaningful... but I hope that you find these things helpful or encouraging too. So much of these are things that I would say or have felt or thought, but then I find it in print or blog form from someone else, and so it's pointless for me to try to re-write the same thing when I happen upon someone else who has put my heart into words.

(By the way, yes, I changed my photo to the one you see here. My hair has gotten longer- pregnancy always seems to do that- and it feels dishonest to me to have a photo that isn't what I really look like. So this one is more reflective of what I look like these days.)

Here are some noteworthy quotes I've found recently:

ON LIFE MISTAKES & RE-DOs:
BETH MOORE, in a Q&A post on her blog:

Q: If you could live your life all over again, what is the one thing you would do differently?

A: The tears are stinging in my eyes and I’ll have to try hard to keep from sobbing on this one. The list of things I’d do differently is so long, I couldn’t pick one out and the worst of it so appalling that I wouldn’t share it anyway. I have been so stupid. I was so messed up and clueless that my healing took a long danged time. I am as true a testimony of the forgiveness and grace of God of anyone you could know. He has been utterly unreasonable in His love and patience for me and I will love Him forever for it. To love much after I’ve been forgiven much is my hope. ...He is such a Redeemer. His sovereignty is my only peace.

TITUS 2 MENTORING:
Susan Hunt, in Biblical Womanhood in the Home, in her chapter called, "Older Women Mentoring Younger Women":

"Everywhere I go I meet young women who long for spiritual mothers. Some express a sense of loneliness, and yet they do not even realize that the disconnection they feel is because they do not have nurturing relationships with older women... It is time for Christian women to step into this vacuum and show and tell the truth about womanhood.

But where are the older women?

In recent years, I have observed a troubling phenomenon. Many women of my generation have relinquished this high calling of nurturing younger women. My generation has abandoned this calling for many reasons. Some simply do not know this biblical mandate. ...Some think they have nothing to offer. Some are intimidated by the intelligence and giftedness of younger women. Some have decided this is the season to indulge themselves. Some want to share their life experiences, but they feel isolated from the younger women and don't know how to bridge that gap.

I plead with the church to call and equip women for this ministry. God is gifting His church with incredible young women. ... We must be good stewards of this gift. We must exemplify the faith to them, and we must teach them how to show and tell the truths of biblical womanhood to the next generation."

Megan, at My Heart, My Home, wrote about her "Titus 2 Woman":

"God knew what He was doing when He created the gift of relationship. The idea of older and younger women coming together to share life, wisdom, laughs, and so much more is brilliant. Every woman needs a friend who's a safety net that will gently catch her and help her back up on her feet when she falls. If you don't have a Titus 2 woman in your life, I encourage you to take the risk and initiative in asking someone who's caught your eye. And consider this, if you're already older, there may be a younger woman who's looking at you! I hope that I won't forget the cycle of the Titus 2 woman; that it's not always being the younger woman who's taught, but also the older woman who passes down wisdom."

ON SINGLENESS & SEXUALITY:
Joe Carter, at Evangelical Outpost, on Pre-Marital Adultery:

Consider this thought experiment. Imagine a man is to be married on February 14th and has sexual relations with a woman who is not his fiancé on:

(a) The night before his wedding.
(b) The day of his wedding.
(c) The day after his wedding.

The action in each instance is the same but the term we’d use to describe the man would depend on when the event occurred: (a) would make the man a cheating cad, (c) and adulterer, and (b) either a cheating cad or an adulterer, depending on the time of day. Regardless of what we choose to call it, the consequence of the action is the same – the man has been unfaithful to the woman. Notice that though the “temporal perspective” changes the semantics, it doesn’t change the fact that the action is immoral.*

Under this view, pre-marital sexual relations become a form of “pre-marital adultery.” We are, in essence, being unfaithful to the one we will eventually pledge emotional and sexual allegiance. Why then do we not honor this obligation? As with most things in life, what we claim to believe is betrayed by our actions. Although unmarried people often claim to believe that they are waiting for their "true love" their actions show that they don’t really believe that to be true. If they seriously believed that their true love existed then how could they be sexually unfaithful to the one person who God has chosen for them?

ON PARENTING/HOME LIFE:
H. Clay Trumbull, in "Hints on Child Training":

"Every home has its atmosphere, good or bad, health-promoting or disease-breeding. And parents are, in every case, directly responsible for the nature of the atmosphere in their home; whether they have acted in recognition of this fact, or have gone on without a thought of it. In order to secure a right home atmosphere for their children, parents themselves must be right. They must guard against poisoning the air of the home with unloving words or thoughts...

Parents must, as it were, keep their eyes on the barometer and the thermometer of the social life of the home, and see to it that its temperature is safely moderated, and that it is guarded against the effect of sudden storms. Only as such care is taken by wise parents, can the atmosphere in their home be what the needs of their children require it to be."

ON DIFFICULT TIMES/STRUGGLES IN LIFE:
Jeremiah Burroughs, in "The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment":

"We are usually apt to think that any condition is better than that condition in which God has placed us. ...God, it may be, strikes you in your child--'Oh, if it had been in my possessions' you say, 'I would be content.' Perhaps he strikes you in your marriage. 'Oh,' you say, 'I would rather have been stricken in my health.' And if he had struck you in your health- 'Oh, then, if it had been in my [business], I would not have cared.' But we must not be our own carvers. Whatever particular afflictions God may place us in, we must be content in them."

I hope these challenge and encourage you, as they have me. Blessings as you begin this week!

Show & Tell: Bloggy Depth & Breadth

I'm continually amazed at the breadth and depth of the blogosphere... there is so much to learn, so much to read, so much to challenge and encourage. Here's some of the good stuff I've come across in the last week or two. Take a break and pick out some (or all) of these articles to read... I hope you enjoy these great reads as much as I have. Seriously, I know I probably say this every time... but this Show & Tell is FULL of great articles. ~Jess



Some deeper analysis of HOT-BUTTON ISSUES:

• MYTH OF ADOLESCENCE: [In a recent "teach your children about sex" post, I went off on a tangent about the term "teenagers" that was interesting to many of you.] Here's a GREAT summary of how the adolescent years have sadly declined to become seen as years that are expected to be wasted away, when "teens" are really capable of much, much more. Written by one of the Harris brothers (who was himself a teenager when he wrote this), it's a great read. Click to read the "Myth of Adolescence".
• Barbara Curtis, of "MommyLife" blog fame, wrote an interesting article in Crosswalk called, "Why Some Evangelicals Are Throwing out Birth Control." Regardless of where you fall on the issue, it's a good read.
  
• What did the leaders of the Protestant Reformation think about birth control?, you might ponder from time to time. Well, maybe not. But if you're interested in reading a fairly concise summary of how Reformers dealt with the birth control issue, this article is definitely worth reading.
• Another example of pets taking priority over people. Blegh!
• SELECTIVE ABORTION: How a mother could casually choose one child over another and then continue to raise and "love" the "chosen" child is absolutely beyond me... Terry has written a great article about this horrifying issue of our day.
• Newsweek has a heartbreaking and eye-opening article about the continued sexualization of American young daughters, and how it played out at Halloween this year.
• Linda Hirschman has gotten a lot of ink and airtime over the last year by blasting homemaking women. But my bloggy friend over at "The Cappuccino Life" has highlighted an interesting hypocrisy in feminist circles. A WOMAN who stays home with her children is often degraded and made fodder for derision, but a MAN who stays home with his children is praised to the heavens. She points out that, according to their thinking, homemaking is fulfilling... but only if you're a dad!

Political Commentary from women like us:

• Elizabeth considers the Presidential race in her article: POLAR BEARS OR ABORTED CHILDREN? This interesting article examines the choices we have to make when ranking our priorities in the political races that are coming up. For her, it's how does her environmental concerns stack up against her desire to see abortion end. For you, it may be something different- but it's a good read.
• Tamara asks, "Is America Ready for a President in a Skirt?" (just a hint: she ain't talking about Hillary)

CONSIDER THESE ARTICLES, examining the breadth of the life of a Christian woman, in order from young womanhood to death:

• Bekah has written a great article about walking in freedom after being raised in legalism.
• I've been enjoying wearing skirts much more often this last six months, and found this post with some pretty (read: not frumpy) options for wearing skirts, particularly in the colder months. (I especially like the cute greenish plaid one halfway down.)
  
• Anna of Domestic Felicity wrote a great article about her own experience of courtship as a young woman with an imperfect past... "Courtship with a Difficult Background". Let this be a reminder to all of us as we raise our children... to not be closed off towards imperfection in our children or their potential mates, as though we ourselves are without flaw.
  
• Amy Jane has an EXCELLENT article for young women preparing for marriage: HERE COMES THE WEDDING NIGHT. Even if you're already married, you'll want to bookmark this one or print it out for a young woman you know or to save for your own daughter... she has done a very thorough job of addressing real issues surrounding preparation for the wedding night.
• Justin Taylor and his wife have adopted two children and are in process to adopt another. His article about adoption has compiled some very interesting information about adoption-- how Muslims view adoption, how Christians should see adoption, and biblical basis for adopting. VERY interesting read.
  
• The illusion of "The Perfect Family". This pride in perfection (of behavior, spirituality, etc.) is a very common problem that I've seen among homeschooling families I've known- and something we try hard to avoid. Having super-human expectations sets our kids up for failure and ultimately, for rejection of our "fake" and "forced" faith. Here's a couple of interesting quotes that sum up some of my thoughts as well:
  

  "It is vital that our children understand the “why” behind our actions and decisions and if we are too proud or busy to take the time to be open about these things, we will breed rebellion."
  
  "Unrealistic expectations have a very real and detrimental side effect… anger. When perceived expectations and standards aren’t met, anger follows, and it can destroy a family."

• Continuing that theme of how expectations set children up for success or failure, but looking at it from a different angle, Jason's wife examines how LOW EXPECTATIONS set our children up for poor behavior and character.
  
• Truly, balance is where it's at. Les Riley has a great article about neither diminishing nor worshiping the role of the family. He examines the "family-centered" model that many homeschooling families can set as the standard, and calls it what it is: idolatry.
  
• ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE?, is what Camilla asks of parents. The truth is, raising children is HARD work, and it takes a lot of effort on the front end to have children that you actually can enjoy and delight in on the back end. So, young mothers, ARE YOU WILLING?
• Andrea points out that families are one of God's favorite methods of sanctifying us, and that even Christ was placed in a family for His raising and development.
  
• Steph raises a thought-provoking issue: As Christians, are we obligated to keep living (having a heartbeat) no matter what, even if it means being in a vegetative state?
  

Interesting stuff. Now, for the humorous end to this Show & Tell... today I've got two "laughs" for you...

Amy's son's failure to READ directions, AND a Wal-Mart cake decorator's failure to FOLLOW directions.

They're both hilarious-- so check em out. Happy, happy reading! :) (And let me know what you think about all or any of these links, if you get the chance!)

INSIDE LOOK: The Burdens and Blessings of Singleness

My long-time friend Kim, who helped me plan my announcement for my second pregnancy, and has virtually walked alongside me through MANY life changes, is a single 27-year-old woman. (I say virtually because we literally met online and have not -yet- met in person.) We have talked before, and I've read her writings, about the journey of a single woman who deeply desires to be married.

I invited Kim to write this month's firsthand account on the "first" of November, for Making Home's monthly "Inside Look" feature. Here's what she wanted to share with us:

I am actually a little proud of myself.

When Jess asked me about doing a guest blog entry on Making Home, I thought I would be able to write a deep, philosophical, heart wrenching article that would make all of you want to set me up on a date, because how can a creature so wonderful still be single? (I use sarcasm as a crutch. Embrace it. And oh - I will still take those dates, thanks.) But as I was looking back through my own blog for inspiration, I found an entry that kind of struck me, and I wanted to share:

I am TIRED of living out this reality - it feels like it is parallel to the one I think I should be living. I want to be married, working a regular old 9-5 job in an office, or more importantly, staying home with my kids. I want to be able to stay in Louisville and eat dinner with my family on Wednesday nights and go to church at the church where I grew up, and go on double dates with my brother and sister-in-law, and raise my kids with their cousins. But guess what? I can't have that life.

Now, I didn’t go out and get a husband and I have not had any children since June. But you know what I did? I made a choice that God gave me to make, and I am getting part of my dream - I moved home, and I am eating dinner with my family on Wednesday nights.

The above paragraph, however, also does illustrate what it is like, living a life that is a complete and total opposite from what you thought you’d do. I mean - in high school, I had it all planned out - married right out of college, three kids (one girl, two boys), and I’d stay home. We would travel and raise our kids in church and we’d spend the rest of our lives growing old together. (We being me and high school boyfriend. Just FYI.) In reality, I’ve struggled with having a broken heart and a relationship that was outside of God’s design. I’ve struggled with years of singleness when all my heart’s desire was to be married. I have struggled with being a bridesmaid in six (SIX! Twice I was the Maid of Honor) of my friends’ weddings, and being at the hospital through several births. Many of my friends are at least on their second child, or trying to be, by now. And while I most certainly celebrate with those friends and try to rejoice with those who rejoice, and while I would never wish that my friends did not have their husbands or children - I just wish I had that too.

I don’t think people who are on the other side realize what it’s like for those of us behind the fence. Perhaps that’s not fair, but that’s how it feels to be there. It’s like waiting for a plane to vacation, where everyone else is, and not knowing when the plane is going to arrive, or if it is. And yet you keep getting reports of how great it is to be on that vacation, and that when you get there, the wait is worth it. And you believe the people - you believe that it will be so amazing to be on this vacation, but you really doubt that you’re going to end up on the vacation, or worse yet, you fear everyone else will be done with vacation by the time you get there…

There are definitely blessings on this side of the journey, lest I lead you to believe otherwise. The biggest blessing is getting to be there for my niece and nephew, and getting to love on them and spoil them and watch them grow. I know that if I had my own children, my focus would be on them, and so for this time, I am very, very thankful. I can’t imagine loving any other kids more than I love those two! I am also thankful for the time to be under the teaching and example of some very wise, God-fearing women, and learning different approaches to being a godly wife and mother. I hope someday I can put them into practice.

I think perhaps the worst thing about being single, and perhaps the thing I want Jess’s readers to take away from this, is the exclusion factor. Not being a wife and not being a mother excludes me from really understanding the life of about 90 percent of my closest friends. (I have one single girlfriend over the age of 20. ONE. And she’s 30, and in the same boat I am in.) I know a lot about birth and pregnancy, mainly because of my own curiosity and study, and I know a lot about weddings, having helped plan or participated in so many. But of course, I don’t really know. I don’t really know what it’s like to join my life with someone else’s, for the purpose of bringing glory to the Lord and bringing up godly children.

That said - the exclusion makes a girl feel inadequate. Sure, those are often the core issues of womanhood, and I am so thankful for that! But just because I haven’t been there doesn’t mean I don’t want to understand. So when you come upon a single woman, especially one who is a little older, desires marriage and kids, and is biding her time - please take her under your wing. Take the time to teach her about wifehood and motherhood. Let her get to know and love your children. Include her in groups with other married women/mothers. It’s so important to a woman to know that she is still “valid” as a woman, and still has important things to contribute and to learn, even though she has not yet arrived. I am so thankful for my sweet friend and mentor, Amy, who is so gracious in allowing me to learn from her!

Another thing I would suggest to do if you have single women in your life is to pray with them and for them. Pray for them that God would strengthen their faith in this time of uncertainty, that He would give them grace to face situations that are sure to be emotionally challenging, and that He would reshape the desires of their heart, if that is His will. Also pray for them that God will provide for them a godly, loving, and kind husband in His perfect timing (but it is okay to pray that God’s timing is quick!). Pray with them for difficulties they are facing and for emotional challenges. Pray with them that they would not be idle and sad, but that they would use this time to work hard for the Kingdom!

Finally - a very important thing is to be sensitive. Obviously you cannot shield any single friends you might have from heartache - but know that heartache is often an underlying constant in her life. Feel free to ask if she’s okay. Know that she’s heard all the typical lines before, and know that she sometimes does need reminders! Know that sometimes, it’s hard. All of it. Just love her anyway, and know she doesn’t mean to be a grump.

I hope, for those of you who are married and/or do have children, that this gives a little insight into the life of at least one woman who is sad she’s not. I definitely don’t speak for every single woman - there are many out there more godly than me! - but I do know that some of these feelings are common. And I am so thankful that I have women in my life like Jess who want to understand. When I sit and really think about my life, I am indeed pretty blessed.

Kim's online "home" is her blog, Strange Kind of Single. I'm so thankful to call her my friend, and to have the opportunity to learn from her.

I hope that you, if you are a married woman, also learned some ways that you can encourage and be a friend to the single woman around you. As always, any thoughts or comments you'd like to share on this issue would be welcome!

Show & Tell: Fun Finds For October

LINKS ON WOMANHOOD:

• The Best Thing Out There on Singleness
• Trusting God With Dating Relationships: This article addresses some of what we talked about in a recent Advice & Answers here on Making Home
  
• What Wasn't Said: How Christians miss a major opportunity to encourage and strengthen new marriages in intimacy; one woman's view of a bridal shower.
• The Feminine "Itch": How a desire for children often creeps into the heart of women without warning.
• THE TOP TEN MYTHS OF DIVORCE
  

LINKS ON PARENTING:

• Trucks, trucks, trucks!: One of the funny things of parenting opposite-sex children
• Just For the Record... : Mandi's vent about people who ask, "so are you going to try for a boy?" (just a few weeks after her third girl was born!)
• Renee had two great posts last week that go together about adoption... TODDLER ADOPTION and ATTACHMENT IN ADOPTION
  
• Christine had a "siderant" on one of her posts that I thought was worth cutting and pasting for you to read. Here it is... and it's one of the reasons I love the homeschooling curriculum we use:

  The reason why children hearing books read aloud to them by a parent or listening to an audio book format is good rather than forcing them to only read or be exposed to books that they read to themselves is mainly because children, if allowed to move or do what they want while listening, are willing to listen and can understand content far above their independent reading level. A child's vocabulary and ability to understand and enjoy stories and non-fiction information is superior to their reading skills for a number of years. It starts nearly at birth or at least at about age one, when the language they can understand is above what they can speak. I don't know when it ends, perhaps only when a child or teenager's reading ability progresses beyond a certain 'grade level in reading ability' such as grade 12, I don't know.
  
  An easy example is that a child of age six who is just learning to read will listen to long passages about insects with rich vocabulary and understand it. If you were to give that child a book on spiders written at their independent reading level it would read something like this:
  
  "Spiders make webs. Spiders eat insects. The web is to catch the insects. Spiders live outside. Some spiders live indoors."
  
  You probably would not speak to a child of six in that way as it would be considered (at least in our family) as being patronizing and condescending. A child of six years old is not an idiot and should not be talked to like they are one.
  
  Giving a child of six over-simplified information like that which is below their mental capacities is one way that I feel that adults actually, unintentionally, 'make a child stupid'. All children should be exposed to content which they want to learn about that is interesting and understandable to them. Depriving children of information or to better stories dumbs a child down and hinders their intellectual development.

LINKS ON BLOGGING:

• Incrediblog's Hilarious Rules for Posting on His Blog (this totally cracked me up!)
• Christine writes about When Blogging Hinders Friendship (I've definitely encountered some of what she writes about)

LINKS ON SPIRITUAL MATTERS:

• Rebekah has been studying Spiritual Gifts and examines this issue through the lens of a John Piper sermon (you guys know by now he's my favorite)
  
• HERE's an interesting way to look at the spread of religion on earth in JUST 90 SECONDS! (Go check it out- it's very quick but informative!)
• Kelly has asked an interesting question about when church takes priority or authority over family and individual autonomy as a believer.

ODDS AND ENDS:

• The Love of Money: HelpMeet writes a thought-provoking article about materialism
• Huckabee's Boomlet: The NY Post offers a great summary of Huckabee's recent growth in polls, finances, and popularity.
• Slate Interview with Huckabee: Mike Huckabee explains why he's surging
  
• Free Rice: I can't remember where I heard about this, but it's a vocabulary game where for each word you get correctly, rice is donated through the UN to end world hunger. It's FREE! And it's RICE! IT'S FREE RICE! (Last night I played for 5 or 10 minutes and got up to around 400 grains of rice donated.)

Didn't have anything particularly side-splitting funny today, so we'll end this Show & Tell with Free RICE. :) HAPPY READING!!!

Do You Have Annual Checkups?

In your marriage, that is... do you have them?

I was checking my Bloglines account and came across a Weekend Kindness article asking readers "When Did You Go On Your Last Date?", and asking us to share what we did on that date. Well, our last date happened to be for our 7th anniversary. As I began sharing what we do on our anniversary dates, I realized that it might be something good to share with all of you.

Each year for our anniversary, we do a kind-of marriage "State of the Union" assessment. It's essentially a "checkup" for our marriage. We talk through various areas of our marriage:

• How are we doing in communication?
• How is our intimacy? Am I meeting your desires and needs?
• Spiritually, are we where we should be, as a family, as a couple, and as individuals?
  
• How are we doing in our parenting?
• Are we still working as a team?
• Is there anything I can do to serve you better in any of these areas?
• Is there anything you need that you're not getting from me?

And we also do the "year in review" thing... talking about the high and low points of the last year. And just generally processing how things are going in our marriage. It gives us a "line in the sand", so to speak. Here's where we are. This is how far we've come. We end that anniversary date confident that we are each aware of what's going on. Aware of what we each need to work on. Aware of any bad patterns we've fallen into that we need to work together to change. Aware of our top parenting issues/challenges.

I love anniversary dates; it's always extra-special to talk through all these things together.



(And no, my hair isn't already that long. That picture is from LAST October, before I chopped off my hair!)

ADVICE & ANSWERS: Dating Without Direction

A reader sent this question in this week:

This is not my situation, but is happening to a friend of mine, Michelle, and we are perplexed. There is a man at her church that she spends a lot of time with, and they often go to plays, dinner, etc., together. (She's 30, he's maybe 28. They're in the same age range.) They have never "called" their outings dates, but for all intents and purposes, they seem to be.

However, it's been over a year, and no romantic feelings have been expressed, even though my friend has them and it appears the man has them for her. It seems as though he might just be shy about bringing it up, and Michelle's thing is that she doesn't want to be the pursuer in the relationship. She wants to be pursued!

So my question is this: when is it appropriate to "pull a Ruth," if you will, and also, how would she go about doing this? (Obviously, the situation is different cause this guy isn't Michelle's "kinsman redeemer", but ya know!) ;)


So, Making Home readers, full of wisdom and a variety of life experiences, what say you? How would you advise Michelle in this situation? What would you say to her if she was your friend and came to you for advice? Leave your answers in the comments!

ADVICE AND ANSWERS: When a Woman Doesn't Want Children

Today's "Advice & Answers" question comes from an anonymous reader. It was actually asked as a comment to a previous post, but I thought it was an interesting question for all Making Home readers to consider, not just those who happened to read the comments of that particular post.


So here's the question:


"What about women who don't want children at all, and would rather have a career only? Maybe marriage, maybe not? Is this sinful?"


So what say you? Mind you, this situation is not asking about someone who *can't* have children, or who has medical difficulties and may not be able to have children. This question is about a woman who doesn't *want* children.

So, biblically speaking, if a woman knows she doesn't want children, is she free to marry? Any other thoughts, answers, or advice you'd have in response to a question like this? Can't wait to hear your thoughts on this interesting question!

Premarital Primer

A good friend of mine recently wrote me, asking what I would say to a couple who is about to begin premarital counseling- what they need to talk about, and what advice I might give. And here's what I came up with (as always, feel free to comment or add your own advice in the comments!):

The main thing I would tell any engaged couple is this: TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! If something comes to your mind, you might as well talk it through! You'll never be sorry that you discussed something in advance of making the biggest human commitment of your life.


SOME SPECIFIC THINGS TO TALK ABOUT

• How each of your parent's marriages worked-- the pros/cons strengths/weaknesses
• Be COMPLETELY open and honest about who you REALLY are- when no one's looking, what REALLY gets you mad/sad/frustrated/etc. Talk about your real weaknesses- the ugliest things from your past that no one else knows... he should know yours and you should know his.
• The situations that seem far-off... what to do about birth control? how many kids to have? whether you dislike some particular age of children? whether either of you have fears about having children, or having boys, or girls?
  
• Household things - how you'll split household duties
• How you are with pain/sickness... how much you depend on medicine... (by that I mean that some people never take anything, and some people take Tylenol and Sudafed at the drop of a hat- that might be good to know) Plus it's good to know if your future spouse is a real weenie about pain or will tough it through most anything... it's just good to know in advance.
  
• What your feelings are about ailing relatives, aging parents... how much will that affect your work and home? Will you want to take them in and care for them or will you be prepared to help a sibling or facility take care of them in your stead?
  

As you get closer to marriage, you'll want to talk about any fears/issues that come up with intimacy. Share about your sexual histories- be fully blunt and honest. Talk about how you both feel about the roles of a man and woman. Find out the REAL scoop- not to discourage you but to prepare you realistically... how much of this will be your responsibility or his? Does he like certain chores more than others? Do you? Find out who does which chores in your parents' homes: cutting the grass, doing dishes, cleaning the garage, cleaning the kitchen, maintaining the garden, caring for pets, etc. You may be surprised to find out that your expectations of who does what may be different.

And then what about finances? I won't delve too far into that one because there are heaps of books and resources that talk about that... who will pay the bills? Whether you're a spender or a saver? What about him? Etc...

PRINCIPLES FOR MARRIAGE
There are some principles I want to share with you that have served us well in our marriage:

1. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. We have always talked things through- even if we're up til 4am, which happened a time or two early on but hasn't happened in years, we deal with arguments and disagreements before we go to bed... we don't have lingering "issues" that cloud each day and each additional disagreement.
2. Don't ever let divorce be an option. Don't mention it, don't threaten it. Don't talk about roads not taken. Once you commit, commit. And let that be evident in your communication with each other-- "you're my only". (And of course, I'm NOT talking about situations of abuse or infidelity. I'm talking about in normal marriages with two fallen human beings who disagree and differ on many things, there shouldn't be an easy "out".)
3. Don't entertain ANY hint of affection towards other people. Other Christian women will talk about how "cute" some actor or musician is... but this has always been off-limits for me. I don't even allow a HINT of attraction to be fed in my mind or heart- one way that I go about this is to not "feed" male friendships, and not have physical contact with people of the opposite sex. We just don't want any hint of it... sometimes it will mean that I seem cold or distant towards other men, but that's OK. In this day and age of over sexualization, I would rather be seen as unapproachable by a man than to be seen as someone that he thinks he can have a flirtation or fling with.
4. Just say "YES" (to meeting each others' needs). Once your married, I mean. For me, that means that I don't say no (in words or body language) to intimacy. We didn't start out with this as a rule, but we've just always been open to each other in that way. I've found that a LOT of my friends use or have used sex as a negotiating tool and it has become a point of difficulty in their marriages. For my husband, that has meant being willing to TALK and meet my communication needs, when that was not his natural bent. Both of us have gone out of our ways to be open to saying yes to each other so that we are the ones meeting each others' needs, rather than each of us feeling like our needs have to be met outside of the marriage relationship.
5. Be each other's biggest cheerleaders and defenders. Your husband ought to know that if ANYONE has his back, it's you. You are the one that cheers for him and promotes him in his strengths, and shields and protects his weaknesses. In many marriages, sadly, it's the other way around: the wife is the one who points out every failure and flaw and overlooks the strengths and good things in her husband. And that just ought not be. He ought to know that you are going to protect the areas where he is weakest (for example, that might mean that you take the lead on balancing the checkbook, or that if he struggles with an organized workspace, that you take the time to organize it for him so that he can be effective and efficient... rather than deriding him for the disarray in his office.) Basically, this is just being a good helpmeet, I think. Where he is weak, I can help him, and where he is strong, I can promote him and praise him.
6. Make your marriage your top human priority, just behind your relationship with God. Too many women in particular allow the kids to take the place that the marriage ought to have in their mind and hearts - children become a bigger priority than their husband, and that just ought not be. Our "nest" will some day be empty, but we will still be together. I don't want to get to that stage and just be barely hanging on by a thread- I want to get to that stage, excited about our time together- ready to start a new phase together, and delighted in the job we've done together as parents. The way to make that happen is to continue pouring ourselves into the marriage relationship- with physical and verbal intimacy... making sure that we're on the same page about life choices and events, and then continuing to work on it and work on it and work on it, and - well, you get the picture.
7. Commit to do the maintenance! It's constant upkeep and work- but I've heard some analogies that it's kind of like a car or a house- that you can either do the regular maintenance and enjoy it for a LONG time, or you can skip the maintenance and end up with HUGE problems to fix. It's true- as a couple, we just try to do the maintenance and adjustments on the front end, rather than at some future date when there are way too many "issues" to narrow it down to what the real problem is.

For further reading:
For female readers, I would HIGHLY suggest that you read "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. It will give some great insights into the male psyche and make-up.

Establish your "norms" now!
If you are a newly engaged couple, I would encourage you to talk through these things and establish a pattern of honest communication now. You can lay the way for a good marriage by communicating openly now, and giving yourselves realistic expectations about what's to come. I pray that this next phase of your life is a true thrill and a blessing to your life- that God will grow you and change you into the man or woman he wants you to be through this new role as husband or wife. Many Blessings!

The Value of Virginity

Samantha asked:

"...how do you deal with still being a virgin because you just don't want to sleep around? I'm 19 ... At 16, almost all of the girls have lost their virginity. Even my physician gave me a weird look ... [when] I told her I was still a virgin. My main problem is the reaction of people in my environment. Do you have any tips?"

I hate this this is even an issue, Samantha-- it just goes to show how screwed up this world has become, that the one person in a group that has self-restraint and good judgment feels strange and apologetic because they've actually maintained purity.

Here are some thoughts about the value of virginity (not by any means is this an all-encompassing list, but hopefully these thoughts will encourage you to hold your ground in this area):

(1) While the world says that the sleep-around-single is the one "exercising his/her freedom", the virgin is the one who is truly free. Free from disease, which is a growing concern among singles today. Free from the emotional trauma that goes along with casual sex. And free to bestow the gift of purity and virginity upon their husband one day, as a precious gift, unspoiled and rare.

And this is something you can share with people who look at you crazy, by saying, "Look, I'm just trying to practice free love. Love free from shame, disease, guilt, emotional heartache, and self-loathing. Love that frees me to give a precious gift to the one who God created me to become one with."

(2) Humans were created as both soul and body for a reason; these two elements of our personhood are meant to act in agreement with one another-- that is to say, we are not meant to believe things but not translate those beliefs into our behavior. Our behavior shows what's in our souls. In a new book I'm reading, Rebecca Jones writes:

"Sexual intimacy is so powerful that when women use it lightly, they plunge into a valley of shadow. Those shadows thicken, and women cannot escape, because the bodies they own, in which they sleep, eat, and live, are the very ones they have sullied. One way to ignore such guilt is to divide the body and soul. The body can do what it wants and the soul remains detached."

This is all too common. Sex is an activity that, when exercised outside of God's proper boundaries, divides body and soul. Rather than being an incredibly intimate experience, it becomes an incredibly isolating experience. Casual sex isolates us, not only from the ones with whom we are "intimate", but even from our very own soul. We end up trying to protect ourselves from further heartache by dividing the action from the emotional connection it was designed to cement. We trivialize it by describing it as an action to engage in for a little fun, rather than only enjoying it within the boundaries and for the purpose for which God created it, which brings me to my 3rd point...

(3) GOD is the One Who created sex... we need to look to Him to know what it is for. A young adult looking to peers to find out what sex is for is like toddlers who look to other toddlers for clues about what's the best things to eat. They're going to place priority on candy, chips, and chocolate milk rather than on the more lasting things: protein that helps you grow muscles, vitamins that help you go strong, etc. In the same way that those toddlers need to look to their parents (who know better than they do what they need), we need to quit looking to a secular culture to tell us what sex is for, and instead look to our Father, Who, in the first mention of sex put it this way: "they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Which brings me to point #4...

(4) ONENESS is the primary purpose of physical intimacy, which is why it hurts people so bad to sleep around. It's like pulling a woman's skin away from her bones, like pulling a head away from its body. There's no question: we become one with the person we are intimate with. That's the purpose. Is procreation a purpose? Yes. Is pleasure a purpose? Yes. But the primary purpose is oneness- to show an earthly example of the oneness Christ desires to have (and will have) with the Church. We can more perfectly understand the unity Christ desires to have with us when we look at a monogamous, committed, serving-one-another, loving-one-another marriage, and see the intimacy that happens there.

David Gardner, author of Sacred Sex, puts it this way:

"Sexual intercourse, by God's description, is the way of knowing and experiencing another human being in the most intimate way possible. This "knowing" is what melds two strangers into one. A wonderful example of this is a Dutch slang word for sex, naaien, which literally means 'sewing'. Two pieces of material are put on top of each other and then attached in a way that will 'keep them secure and fastened to each other long after the sewing is over and the weaver is gone.' This idea of being sewn together in sex is a useful image... husbands and wives don't dissolve together into one shapeless blob. However, they are intricately and intimately sewn together in such a way that man should 'not separate' them (Matthew 19:6). Oneness joins us permanently, ... [and] lasts beyond the immediate act of sexual intimacy."

(5) Finally, obedience to Christ (which means sexual purity--not only in action but in thought as well) is important, even if/when we're the last man or woman standing. Just like that sign-holding woman in the picture at the top of this article, even if we feel TOTALLY alone in a crowd of people going the opposite way, we are still to obey. The Bible says "obedience is better than sacrifice." Obeying, even when we don't feel like it and especially when we are tired and don't understand all the "whys", still is pleasing to our Father.

When I say "no playing in the street", I'm not trying to deny my children FUN. They might see a parade go by and say, "MOM- all those kids are playing in the street- dancing to music, waving to the crowd, eating candy, and they're having a really good time... why can't I play in the street?" That's when I have to explain to them that the time for THEM to be in the parade is not now- it may come in the future, but this is not the time. "Trust me," I'm saying. And it's true- their obedience (which will protect them from getting run over by a car or lost in a crowd) is important and pleasing to me, even if they don't understand all the reasons that I'm telling them not to play in the street.

BE ENCOURAGED and BE REBELLIOUS
Be encouraged, Samanatha-- and any other readers who are wondering about these things... I would encourage you to think of it this way: be a rebel. Rebel against the low expectations of culture, rebel against the easy way out, rebel against the "norms"-- and instead be a radical... a radical footsoldier in the army of the Most High God, a radical example of what Christ can do in the life of someone who obeys Him, and a radical person who swims against the stream of culture in pursuit of the source of Living Water.

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 says, "Let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Hang in there, Samantha, and look for your ways of escaping the stronghold of this generation- you'll be so glad you did!

(PSST: If YOU have a question or issue that you've been
wondering about, CLICK HERE to leave your question.)