A Woman, Her Mid-Life Crisis, & the Bible

As I've read through this "Women Helping Women" book that I began last week (I'm loving it, by the way-- and I highly recommend it!), I've been struck by one thing in particular. Though I've read about many different difficult life circumstances and how to biblically serve and counsel the women in each situation, the one that has been the most sad to me is the woman who is caught off-guard at mid-life.

• Perhaps she's peri-menopausal and has pursued her career all this time and now is faced with the fact that she can't have biological children.
• Perhaps her children have been the center of her life and identity and now she has an empty nest.
• Perhaps her husband has left her and "traded her in" for a younger, newer model.
• Perhaps she's always been admired for her external beauty and now must face the reality of her declining physiology.
• Perhaps caring for aging parents catches her off-guard and attacks her sense of peace and security, as well as wearing her out physically, emotionally, and mentally.
• Often the years seem to have passed too quickly and she may feel used up
  

Whatever the case, the mid-life "crisis" is indeed something we need to brace ourselves for-- and try to prepare for, I think.

The facts are these:

1. There are chemical changes going on with women at this point. They are real. They are (from what I read, understand, and have seen) difficult to deal with. They are unpredictable and maddening at times.
2. There are almost always significant life changes going on with women at this point. They are sometimes heart-wrenching and nearly always leave women to have to find something new on which to focus.
3. God has provided a specific role for women at this age. Titus 2 gives maturing, experienced women a new place to invest... once they have raised their own families, managed a household, and lived as a disciple of Christ, they are to invest in passing that wisdom and the things that they've learned to younger women. God has given the middle-aged woman an important job! This is not the time to check out, or to disengage. When we reach this stage, we must remember that we are still desperately needed in the battle!

A LOOK AT NAOMI'S MID-LIFE CRISIS
Last night, while listening to Doug read the story of Ruth to the children during family Bible time, I was struck by the fact that Naomi is a classic biblical example of a mid-life crisis gone right. Incredibly difficult things had happened in her life and caused her to despair. She was stuck in a season of bitterness and dejection. She was so physically altered from her younger years that her friends asked each other, "is that really Naomi?" Her husband and sons had all died, her beauty, youth, and vitality was apparently gone, and her situation seemed hopeless.

Not only was Naomi in the throes of a very difficult season of life, but she was also stuck with two grieving, pagan daughters-in-law. She could take no more and decided to go home to Bethlehem. Though she urged them to remain in their home land, they journeyed on with her. After another urging, one of the young woman, Orpah, decided to return home. (An interesting sidenote: apparently, Jewish sages contend that Orpah was the grandmother of Goliath.)

BUT THEN THERE WAS RUTH...
But Ruth gave Naomi's life new hope. We see here what a breath of fresh air a younger woman can be for an older woman! To be loved, to be needed, to feel relevant and like you have something to offer-- Ruth gave Naomi all of these things. Naomi may have died quickly after her journey back to Bethlehem had it not been for Ruth... as we read of Ruth out scavenging through fields, it seems that Naomi was physically exhausted and amazed at Ruth's provision-- something she could not have done for herself. Naomi also seems to lack joy in her heart that would give her the motivation to make a life "from scratch" in Bethlehem. But Ruth gives her the motivation she needs.

BLESSING UPON BLESSING
And as Ruth pours her life and heart into helping and serving Naomi, Ruth is blessed in remarkable and eternal ways. But, conversely, as Naomi pours her life and heart into Ruth, Naomi is blessed. Blessed far beyond anything she could have ever done in Moab with two pagan sons in a pagan land. In fact, without Ruth's tenacity, we likely wouldn't even know that Naomi existed. And though Naomi isn't actually in the blood lineage of Christ, she becomes a fellow mother-in-law alongside a great woman of faith, the prostitute Rahab (Boaz's mother). Not only that, but she serves as grandmother to the grandfather of King David!

What an amazing "second half" of life God gave to Naomi! (In fact, a book has been written on that very theme: Second Calling: Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life.) We need to take this to heart and not look with sadness at growing older-- though our culture SCREAMS in our ears that we become less and less beautiful, less and less useful, and less and less valuable as we age-- and instead, purpose that we will invest in others and continue to be used by God, maybe even more mightily in the second half of life.

I can't speak for you, but I pray that God will grow my usefulness and ability to love, minister, and effectively reach younger women as I grow older. I pray that I won't fall into a "carefree retirement", or like the book of Titus warns about, become an old biddy who takes more delight in having fun with wine than in pouring my heart and life out for the next generations. Father, keep us from it! Help us to remember how you took Naomi-- a broken, tired, bitter older woman-- and used her gloriously in Your incredible plan for humanity! Grow us into useful, godly older women, I pray!


Related reading: Putting Age in Perspective

Show & Tell: Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

I'm gonna quit apologizing for the length of these posts and just revel in it. Confession time: Hello, my name is Jessica, and I am a link junkie. I LOVE passing on good links and it really lights my fire to see a bunch of out clicks on my sitemeter. So, here we go again. Show & Tell #50 gazillion. ;-)

WOMANHOOD:

• Candid Words from a Would-Be Mother
• Celebrating Womanhood- Ideas for delighting in the gift of being a woman
• 20-something reasons to live at home- as a single Christian woman
  
• JUDGED-- Mary Grace shares her thoughts as a foster mom who *gasp* has used food stamps for her foster son... and the reactions she gets. This one may get you to noticing that big log in your own eyes (ask me how I know!).
• How feminism tore one daughter from her mother
  
• Older Women Wanted-- Mary Pride's request for moms with know-how to stick around and help younger moms rather than retiring to an empty nest

MOTHERHOOD

• Loving Our Kids: Merry hits the nail on the head and gives a simple (but not easy) challenge
  
• Days Gone By- a brief but eloquent "musing" on children growing older
  
• Nursing at 13 months- We moms end up feeling bad or guilty for all kinds of things, don't we? (Even good things like breastfeeding our children!)
  
• Raising Godly Children-- encouragement from Scripture with practical application
  
• Encouragement for tired moms to PRESS ON!- It's a long interview with Janet Parshall, but well worth reading/listening to!
• Thoughts on sheltering and wisdom- more by my empty-nesting friend, Chloe
  

MORE ON ABORTION:

• Pill users beware!- Did ya know oral contraceptives may cause abortions?
  
• Gender selection abortions
  
• Obama: Babies as punishment
  
• Infanticide Procedure, step by horrible step: Doctors describe performing partial birth abortions-- Oh, this is not for the faint of heart... but God, help us to read this sort of truth and act, doing all we can on behalf of the unborn.
• Baby survives abortion, expected to live "normal" life-- (hat tip: Dust & Clay)

ON CHINA:

• Rights Activists IGNORE China's One-Child Policy- "My body, my choice", you'll hear from feminist activists the world over... except when it comes to the horrors that happen in China every day because of their "overpopulation" policy.
• China's aftershocks-- the earthquake served to highlight ethical problems inherent in the system
• "My dear baby, if you can survive, please remember Mom loves you."

CHEW ON THIS:

• Amish Friendship Bread- From what this says, your friends will thank you. So, should I make up the "starter" batch?
• Homemade White Bread-- for some reason, this looks absolutely delicious to me (and a friend of mine says that it IS!) So I'm linking for you-- but also for me, to motivate me to make it!!! :-)
• Starvation claiming Ethiopia's smallest- Will you consider giving (you can give through adoption agencies and orphanages) and helping provide food for these children?
• What People Eat Around the World- a visual index of food around the world
  

BLOGGING:

• CUT DOWN YOUR BLOG READING by learning how to use a "feed reader". DG takes you step by step, so even non-techies can use this!
  
• A solution for those of you wanting a new blog design! BLOGS FOR A CAUSE - Nikki does blog designs and donates part of the proceeds to charities-- Woohoo!

SPIRITUAL GROWTH:

• Spiritual Gifts-- a six-part sermon series by Mark Driscoll. Probably the most comprehensive and yet comprehensible handling of the spiritual gifts that I've come across. (The link is to Adrian Warnock's blog, who linked all 6 of the sermons in one post-- so you can get them all from there.) Here is a written summary of the sermons.
  
• How to Waste Your Theological Education-- tips for seminarians and other aspiring theologians... a good gut-check for what you're doing with that "education"
• Sovereignty of God & life transitions- I could echo every one of Mrs. Elliot's words.
• Living with all of the Body: thoughts on age-segregated vs. age-integrated church experiences
• Voddie Baucham talks about "The Family-Integrated Church"
  

FOR THE LOVE OF BOOKS:

• Sorting books-- deciding which to keep and which to pitch
• Big Thoughts for Little Thinkers: This series looks GREAT for teaching basic doctrine to young children!
• Librivox: Listen to public-domain books in audiobook format for FREE! (Especially helpful for homeschoolers-- you could listen to a classic work while doing other things around the home. Also available as a free podcast.)
  
• Puritan Library: Challenging Puritan works in e-book format in their entirety online.
  

ON PORNOGRAPHY:

• "Dear Person that Googled 'Porn' and Got Me"- I've been shocked to see how many people google porn and end up here at Making Home. Prodigal Jon gives an excellent response to that anonymous reader.
• Women Against Pornography
  
• Hugh Hefner's Wasted Life-- boy, this one is sad. Sad, sad, sad.

FOR A LAUGH:

• Engrish.com-- a daily serving of Engrish/Chinglish-- this is what happens to the English language when put on shirts, signs, store windows, and more in China. Having lived in China for a year, I find this particularly hilarious... but you might too. :-) [Note: very occasionally there are off-color items featured... but most of the time, it is both tame and hysterical.]
• What does "crunchy" look like?
  

OH--AND ABOUT THAT KITCHEN SINK:

• In case you are a young wife/mother/person who has NOT heard about this, it may be helpful. Flylady is a great online resource for cleaning or keeping your house clean. [Now, I should admit: I do not actually use Flylady. I am a Flylady failure... but that is partly because I was not motivated to keep it up when I DID use it, partly because I've lived in more places than I can count in the last few years and have just had to do whatever I could to "make it", and partly because I'm more of a clean-as-you-go and clean-as-the-Spirit-hits-you sort of gal. ;-) But many, MANY of my friends find it helpful. So maybe you will too. Plus I had to include a link that had something to do with the kitchen sink, OK?!?]

My Hardest Life Transition (So Far)

I have heard many friends talk about how their hardest transition was from single to married (had to learn compromise, teamwork, etc.), or from one kid to two (having to learn to prioritize needs among children), or from two to three children(no longer a one-to-one parents-to-children ratio). I can understand all of these, but even though we're still in the midst of the adjustment to being a family of *six*, I think the hardest transition in my husband and I's hearts and in our marriage was going from being a married couple to being parents when we had our first son.

When you have that first child, so much in your life suddenly changes... and you really *CAN'T* anticipate it. People try to warn you: GO OUT ON DATES. People try to tell you: SLEEP IN EVERY DAY THAT YOU CAN. But you really don't *get* it until you make the transition. Even if you try to implement the things people warn you about (going on dates, sleeping in, etc.), you really don't appreciate them in the same way you will a year later.

Here are some of the things that I remember that hit me HARD with that first couple months of being parents:

• It suddenly began taking us 30 minutes to get out the door. (Nurse the baby, get him dressed, oh wait, he spit up on that outfit, get him dressed again- this time, put a bib on him in case it happens again, grab extra diapers, wipes, burpcloths, etc... then RUN out the door.)
• We didn't have free reign over our schedule anymore. This is the one that (for me) I really wasn't prepared for. Staying up late and sleeping in early couldn't happen (at least not for both of us). Going out just cause we feel like it and walking around for as long as we wanted... couldn't happen without some planning and that previously mentioned 30-minute window of getting out the door. Dropping by someone's house or having someone else drop by yours is all suddenly colored with the attitude and age and developmental stage of this new little person (is he clingy right now? will he cry because he's teething? is he grabbing everything in sight and putting it in his mouth? will I need to nurse him right when they get here?, etc.)
  
• It was difficult to keep our conversations from completely centering around that little wonderful boy God had given us. Granted, that's normal and it's a great part of becoming parents-- falling in love with this new little person. But it does take a while to figure out how to make your marriage a priority above being mommy and daddy.

What about you? What life transition has been (or is being) the hardest for you and why? Becoming an adult? Going to a certain number of kids? Reaching a certain age? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Imperfect Past, Imperfect Present... Hopeful Future

Did you come from a divorced family, an abusive home, or some other past that keeps you feeling trapped in the "not-good-enough" category? Maybe it's the choices that you made that leave you feeling like you can never measure up with the "Joneses" around you. Perhaps you were raised in a fully-faked "perfect" (on Sundays) Christian family, and it leaves you feeling like authentic Christian faith in family life is (in reality) impossible.

Or maybe it's your present that leaves you feeling discouraged. Perhaps you are currently not living out anything like the kind of life, marriage, or family life that you *know* you should be living, but you just don't know how to do any different. Maybe you find yourself consistently doing things that you know you shouldn't do, and not doing the things that you know you should do. (For what it's worth, the Apostle Paul felt the same way.)

I just want to say, first of all, that I know at least some of what you're feeling. The choices I made as a young teenager (and the pain and grief that came from them) kept me in bondage for nearly 10 years, feeling as though I would never deserve anything good (isn't it sad how the devil twists the truth? NONE of us deserve anything good... it's not as if I was alone in that!), and that because I didn't *deserve* it, God wouldn't give it. What a crock of lies!

Which leads me to the second thing I want to say:
God is not like "karma"!

• He is MERCIFUL-- (He doesn't immediately give us what we deserve.) He doesn't want to "stick it" to us and get us back for all the wrong we've done, tit for tat. In fact, He is slow to anger, and abounding in love and forgiveness.
  
• And He is GRACIOUS-- (He gives us what we don't deserve.) He offers an abundant life, fully in line with His design of us and His purposes for our life. Even when life is difficult or when we face struggles, His plans for us are ultimately good.
  

He doesn't put our lives into a spreadsheet, weighing out the good and the bad, and from that input, determine what to give us (a good/bad marriage, lovable/intolerable children, abundant/struggling finances, etc.). But He DOES look for those mustard seeds of faith. Faithful choices, faithful words, faithful prayers... He wants our FAITH. He desires for us to HOPE in Him. We don't have to have our act together, or pull it together all by ourselves... He just wants our faith so that HE can do His work in us.

I have to tell you: He has been SO gracious to me... and He will do it for you too. His grace in your life undoubtedly will look different than what His grace in my life has looked like... He deals with us each in unique ways. But He WILL give it. He gives grace and mercy to those in need. He gives strength to those who wait upon (hope in) Him. He promises to give wisdom to those who ask Him. He gives favor to the humble.

So hope in Him! Admit your need, wait for Him, and humbly ask for wisdom. Don't let the imperfections of your past (or even your present) keep you from hoping in Jesus for your future. If you do, it doesn't mean everything will turn out like you've planned it, or like you want it to (from your perspective right now)... my life certainly hasn't turned out exactly like I thought it would. But I will say this: HIS plan for your life is going to be far more full and rich than the carrying out of your plans ever would be.

Don't be held back by what you've been, or even what you are today-- HOPE IN THE LORD!

Thoughts on Being Wife & Mother: A Letter to My Daughter

While I'm sharing about childbirth and labor experiences, I thought I'd share a letter about these things that I recently wrote to my daughter, in her celebration book. (I don't really keep a "baby book", per se, for her. I started a memory book for her to record her major "firsts" and anything I or others want to share with her for her to read as she grows to be a young woman.) So here's the letter I wrote a couple weeks ago, as I began to prepare for the end of this pregnancy:

*******

Being a wife and mommy, Maranatha-- there is NOTHING like it!

I'm no expert. I've been a wife for almost 8 years and a mom for almost 6-- but I'm telling you- WHAT an adventure! This silly "modern" world will tell you that 'you can do anything a man can do'-- and to some degree, they've made it so that that's true (although men still have the corner on being daddies!). :-) But here's what they don't tell you: you can do some things, Maranatha, that NO man can do.

If God allows it, you can carry a baby inside your very own skin- feeling his or her little feet and fists and knees draw circles on the inside of your belly. You can lay in bed and marvel at this precious child inside of you in a way that no man will ever know. You can nurse a little one-- and know the joy of being used by God to nurture and sustain the life of a darling little human, created by God in His image.

Oh, and Maranatha-- there are so many things God teaches us through these roles of wife and mother.

1. These roles connect us to God. *When you've literally given up your name and identity to submit and be a helper for the husband God gives you, what a picture that is of how we should be all the more submissive to and identified with Christ! *When you've poured out every drop of energy, sleep, breastmilk, love and attention that you possess for a little person who (at 3-4 weeks old) still doesn't even smile at you-- you have a sense of how much God gives us, though we do absolutely nothing for Him. *When your child is sick or in danger, you begin to comprehend how DEEPLY God loves us. *When you have a second child, you begin to understand how God can love each of us SO intensely, though we are all so different from one another.
2. These roles connect us to Jesus' birth and life. *How sweet it is to have a baby growing inside of you and reflect on what Mary must have felt and dreamed for the baby Jesus in her womb. *How amazing to consider that this young Hebrew girl didn't have babycenter.com or "What to Expect When You're Expecting" or parenting classes at the hospital-- and yet, God gave her a cousin to assist through the labor & delivery of John the Baptist, so that she (a virgin) might be ready for this pain and work of bringing a baby into the world. *How sweet to nurse my babies, inspecting each hair swirl and toe and gazing into their eyes, and try to identify what Mary must've felt as she did these same things, knowing that THOSE hair swirls, toes, and eyes were formed, NOT by two humans' intercourse, but by GOD! * And I don't yet have a 33-year-old son, but I imagine I will one day be able to reflect all the more on Christ's death by considering Mary's anguish as a mother at the cross.
3. These roles connect us to the Word of God. As a wife and mother, we are so connected to these stories of the women of the Bible, and can far better understand so much of the Word of God as we grow as women. *Hannah's longing for a child, *Sarai's quickness to "fix" the problem of not having a son, followed by her rage and jealousy towards Hagar, *Hagar's sorrow for Ishmael, when she thought they would die in the desert, *Rebekah's nature of trickery and manipulation on behalf of her son-- (your love for your children -if you don't submit that to God- can cause sin in your life!), *Rachel's intense jealousy and hatred of her own sister, all over children and jealousy (you'll see when you get to be a mommy one day-- comparisons KILL!), *Song of Solomon--what a wonder it is to love a husband and be able to draw insight from the Word about human and divine love, *Verses that compare God to a mother caring for children or nursing her baby.

Precious one, there is so much this world wants to 'teach' you, and there will be so many things that will vie for your heart and mind-- but I would urge you with all of my heart and mind to seek out the ways of God instead.

Instead of trying to be like a man, be the whole and complete woman that GOD MADE YOU to be! And Maranatha, that may or may not include being a wife. It may or may not include having biological children. It may or may not include breastfeeding. These things are all precious gifts from God, and they are indeed what women are designed for.

But, baby girl, whatever God crafts you for-- do it with ALL your heart and ALL YOUR MIGHT-- as a woman who longs to better know and please God through your experiences in this sinful (but still beautifully created) world.

Don't buy the lies that your worth is found in "breaking down barriers" of gender. Trust the way God designed you and let HIM direct your path. Oh how I love you, precious one. I can't wait to see what God will do with you in your life.

All My Love,
Mommy

p.s.- There are many woman who have been faithful in their service for Jesus Christ who have not known what it is to be a wife and/or mother. And yet they were and are gloriously designed by God and used for HIS purposes. It is not these roles which I seek to praise-- but GOD! His designs and purposes for us are perfect-- whatever they do or don't include. I praise Him for His design of women- married and single alike. He has wonderfully made us!

But I share all of this as a caution for you-- don't listen to the world and its goals for your life. Seek God and HE WILL make your path straight, darling girl. He is faithful; the world is fickle. TRUST HIM!

*******

And I pray God's blessings will rest on you, as a woman, wherever God has you on this path of womanhood. His plans for us are amazing and we will do well to trust HIM no matter where it leads.

Quick Query #25: What Did Your Parents Do RIGHT?

As human beings, it's part of our nature (I think) to examine what our parents did & didn't do, and (because they, too, are human beings) come up with things that we didn't like so much about our upbringing. I'm sure we could each name something.

Today, though, I just wanted to share with you one thing that my parents did RIGHT, and invite you to do the same. I should say up front that my parents did lots of things well, the most important of which was introducing me to Jesus Christ and teaching me to love and serve Him.

But here's my answer that I was thinking about today (which is why I'm asking the question):

Growing up, my parents instilled in me a firm belief that I could do anything I wanted to if I worked hard enough and put my mind to it. This wasn't in a feminist, "you can be just like a man" sort of way-- but it applied to everything; I really believed that whether in school or with friends or athletics or life goals, if I wanted to accomplish something and worked hard, I could do it.

When I wanted to go to Russia when I was 13, they helped me raise money to go. When I wanted to play junior varsity tennis (despite not being a very athletic teen), they bought me a new racket (with purple strings) for Christmas and encouraged me, and I really enjoyed playing and did well at many tournaments for a year or two. When I switched college majors multiple times (from vocal performance to english to political science), I don't remember ever hearing a, "Give it a rest, Jessica". They cheered me on and let me try things, and (even if I didn't "win" or wasn't "#1") I never felt like I would fail if I gave something a good, honest try .

What this has meant in my life is that when I decided that I wanted to start learning how to be a better cook, my cooking skills rapidly increased. I had confidence that recipes and culinary experiments would turn out all right, and they did and generally do. When I wanted to learn more about crocheting so I could make more interesting projects, I bought a book and dove in-- and now each of my kids has a very unique blanket (I'll post pics of Silas' blanket once I finish!). When I want to learn about something, I know I can set my mind to it and get a good grasp on a subject within a reasonable amount of time. When I've had languages to learn because we've lived overseas, I've not hit a "I can't do this" wall. These are some of the practical, everyday ways that my parents' love and support has affected me. I'm so thankful that they "believed in me" and taught me to work hard to learn about the things that are important to me.

So, today's "quick query" is this:

What's something YOUR parents did right? And how does it affect you in your life today?

Parenting While Thinking Ahead

One of the major struggles I've seen in women who have a hard time transitioning to the "empty nest" time is the fact that they never really thought their kids would be gone. They didn't think of their kids as future adults. They didn't put parenting in terms of raising MEN and WOMEN. It was just "my baby", "my little girl", "the kids", etc.

Now, I know-- it's easy to do, to just think of them as they are... and when they are little, those times of having adult children seem SO far away. But we, as Christian parents, must be more visionary than that.

ASSESSING PROGRESS
We try to be very intentional about assessing where we are in parenting. By that I mean, every so often (at least once a year), we'll evaluate... "OK, he's almost 6... so we're about 1/3rd of the way through parenting Ethan... is he on track for that? His behavior? His integrity? His heart? Are we getting through to him in the best way for his personality? Are we building resentment or bitterness in his heart in any way? How does he deal with anger? Emotions? How does he view God? How does he view marriage and children? Does he have an innate respect and love for the Word of God? Are we raising him up to be a responsible, godly man? Does HE know that that is his purpose in life?" The answers to these questions give us direction for what might need to shift or change in our parenting and training of him.

PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE
The other thing we do is this: we put our time with him in perspective.

We've been through almost 6 years with him... in six MORE years, we'll be 2/3rds through- and then we only get 6 more beyond that. That may sound like a lot. But think of trimesters in pregnancy-- at first, it all seems to go so slowly, but then suddenly, you're in the middle of the 2nd trimester, and then one day, you realize, "oh goodness-- we're at 36 weeks! We've got to set up the crib, pull down the burp cloths, get all the clothes washed and ready... we're almost out of time!" I don't want to treat parenting that way... trying to squeeze it all in to the last year or two, realizing that my time with each child is almost up.

BUILD WITH THE END IN MIND
We think futuristically, in a sense. What I mean by that is this: we project current behaviors and attitudes into the future. A lack of respect for mom now will likely translate to a lack of respect for a wife later. A haughty attitude now will often mean job loss and disappointment later in life. A sullen, disinterested countenance now may translate into depression and dissatisfaction with adult life.

We try to think of our sons as future husbands and leaders of their homes (though they are now only 5 & 3)... and we try to encourage our daughter to nourish her feminine and mothering characteristics. With each child, we have to look at what are HIS strengths and HIS weaknesses, and help him deal with those. We look at what are HER strengths and HER weaknesses, and help her grow and shape her character to deal with those things. We will be harming them if we are so short-sighted as to just think that "if I just hang on, that whining will stop in a year or two"... or "she'll be more helpful once she's a little older and out of this 'difficult phase' ". We must look BEYOND now, to see what our action or inaction will produce in them for years to come.

Here are some specific questions that help me to think about my children like this:

• What end result are you shooting for, and is that end result biblical? (It helps to write down what you want your son or daughter to look like when they are an adult.)
  
• What qualities do you need to be working on NOW in order to get to THAT goal? (We have to be intentional about encouraging worthwhile things and discouraging undesirable things.)
• Are there things that you're doing now that will hurt his/her future? (i.e., Are you so conflict-avoidant that you don't make her take responsibility for her failures or disobedience?, Do you do all of the chores and are thus teaching your children that homelife is a free ride for them, and setting them up for marital arguments?, Do you speak against your spouse or deride marriage?) We must be careful to not set our children up for future failure as an adult. (A great book that talks about this is "Boundaries with Kids" by Cloud & Townsend.)

So, these are some ways that we try to train up our kids, remembering that one day they will in fact "go".

What do YOU do to prepare your kids for their future, and to prepare yourself for your kids' growth into adulthood? How do you keep yourself from thinking of them merely as your kids or babies, but as separate people who will one day leave their father and mother (you) and cleave to a husband or wife?

Putting Age in Perspective

An acquaintance of mine recently asked a group of women that I'm a part of if we ever felt like the best years of my life were behind us... she is struggling with transition issues (children growing older, changing her "roles" in life, etc.).

Here is how I responded:

There's a book I've been reading, called "The Best Half of Life" by Ray & Anne Ortlund... and in it, Anne talks a lot about how the last half of our life can be our most useful and joyful half, if we are purposeful and see the hope in it. I am already beginning to adjust my mind to thinking this way-- not that NOW is the "time of my life" (which is what our culture SCREAMS at us), because I'm still in my 20's... but that my usefulness and joyful service will not run out until my life does. That the last half of my life (which, according to the world, should be filled with maladies, medicines, depression, and a critical, unsatisfied spirit which always talks about "the good old days") will be even better, even more useful, even more fulfilling, and even more effective for the Kingdom, as was the first half of my life. And then I will hope to hear those sweet words, "well done, good and faithful servant."

Something she (Anne Ortlund) wrote has really stuck with me. She said her life verse is Proverbs 4:18- "The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn; it shines brighter and brighter until full day"... she prays that God will make her life like that... never diminishing or becoming less bright... but that her life will continually burn brighter and brighter until she burns out, at which point she'll be in His presence.

That's something that resonates with my heart- maybe it will with yours too.

This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately- - how unaware we are of the way our culture lies to us, telling us that the best years of our lives are those when we are most foolish and clueless about life. NO- Christian woman! Don't buy into the lie. The best years of our lives are to come... the best years, when we are most wise, most experienced, and can be used for the Kingdom of God in the most fine-tuned way are AHEAD of us!

Part of the problem is that it is ingrained into us to only think of the present-- to "live in the now". And while it's true that we do need to be focused on usefulness and spiritual growth today, we also need to balance that out with verses like James 4:14, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." We need to recognize how quickly life passes... and learn from those who have gone before us. If life indeed passes quickly, then I don't want to make the foolish mistake of being entirely wrapped up in the "now".

See, I'm 28 right now. Many of you are in different places, age-wise. But here's the deal: I could spend the next couple of birthdays lamenting the loss of my youth... then in ten years, do that again, and then in ten years, go through it once again. I'm not suggesting that there won't be any adjusting to seeing a different number on the page when I write my age. Nor am I making light of the wrinkles and sags that I'll undoubtedly find multiplied on my body twenty years from now. Nor am I minimizing the true biological and hormonal changes that women of various ages have to adjust to.

But what I AM saying is this: I want to age gloriously. I want to burn brighter and brighter, like Proverbs says. I want to delight in the fact that I am closer to meeting my Savior, and that I am (prayerfully and hopefully) wiser and more like Christ than I was in my younger years, rather than to be downcast because I am not as young, hip, and shapely as I was when I was ____ years old.

Don't you want that?

I don't want to be a woman who pines for days gone by... instead, I want to be one who is able to rejoice at the things that have passed, rejoice in "today", AND rejoice in what God will do in the future! Let's not buy into the lies of the world and have our years and our joy stolen from us. Be useful now, yes, whether you are 24 or 44 or 64... but also let your mind joyfully wander to those future days, when your body may be fading, but your spirit, your wisdom, and your countenance will be all the brighter in shining for the Lord Jesus.