Making Home: Parenting

Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Teach Your Children How To Treat You

Sometimes when people long for the good old days, they're remembering something that didn't exist, fabricating entirely, or even just wistfully only recalling the good (but forgetting the accompanying bad).

But when it comes to the way children behave toward their parents and toward adults nowadays, there really is a significant difference between what the average mom puts up with today, and what would have been allowed 30, 60, 100 years ago. Whether it is sassiness, rudeness about a meal you just made for them, barging in on you while you're going to the bathroom, or thoughtless comment about your post-partum belly, YOU, mama, are the one teaching them how to treat others.

And yes- YOU are an "other" in their life. Which means this:

Stay at home mom, YOU have to stick up for YOU.

Being sassy is not OK. You are their mom.
Being rude and ungrateful about a meal you've (or anyone else has) made is not OK. They are to be thankful for things done for them, and realize that having someone else cook for them is a gift. So yes, this means, you need to be the one to tell them they should say "thank you" for dinner, to you. It may seem counterintuitive, or like fishing for a compliment, but no-- those are lies. You are teaching gratitude, kindness, and the value of work to your child.
"Please don't ever walk in on someone going to the bathroom. Unless your hair is on fire, you can wait a moment while I finish going potty, and then ask me your question when I come out."
A thoughtless comment about your post-partum belly is not intentionally hurtful, but it IS hurtful, and could be extremely hurtful if your child doesn't learn from you not to say that, and they go and say that to another woman. So tell them. Not in an ugly way, but tell them. Let them know, "I know you're just saying that, and you're right, mom's tummy is smushy right now, but you are never to say that to a woman who has just had a baby. It is hard work having a baby, and the woman's body goes through a lot of changes. It's much better to talk about how cute the baby is than to ever say something like that to a new mama, OK?" (Obviously, a 2 year old isn't going to understand this very well. But older kids can learn this.)

Teach children how to treat YOU in the same way you would respond if they said or did those things to another human being.

This is your job. Day in day out, you can teach your child what is normal, and acceptable, and appropriate for polite and pleasant interactions with other human beings. And the first place to start is often right under your nose… in the way they act toward you.

NOT SURE WHAT'S RIGHT OR NOT?

Perhaps you grew up in an unhealthy home, or you struggle to assess these things in daily life. If you're not sure, consider these questions:

Would you let them treat a woman you greatly admire and respect (don't jump over that description-- picture her!) the way you just let them treat you?
If you were a missionary and they sat down to eat at a poor neighbor's table and reacted to that food the way they just reacted to the homemade meal you made, what would you do?
Would you let them talk to Bono, your pastor, the President, the bank manager, the Pope, your husband's boss, or Princess Kate the way they just spoke to you?

If you're still not sure, hook up with other godly Christian families and watch. Observe norms about how they allow their children to interact with adults. Listen to how their children speak to them. Ask questions. Lean in and learn.

I know it can feel weird, at first, to stick up for yourself. You can trick yourself into thinking that it is selfish or not right. But in actuality, by teaching them how to treat you, you are teaching them much more than simply that. You are teaching them basic concepts of respect of others, and how they are to respond to authorities in their lives (which they will have, their entire lives, no matter how rich or famous or brilliant they grow to be).

You can do this!

Teach your children how to treat you, and stick up for yourself. Teach your children respect and gratitude, and you'll be doing yourself and them a world of good.

Image Credit: stockimages/freedigitalphoto.net

Sibling Jealousy is NOT Unavoidable

Even as a mom of six, every time I am pregnant, it happens at least once.

A grocery store clerk, relative, older woman, a waiter-- someone-- says to my youngest child: "Are you going to be jealous of the new baby?"

Here's what I want to say in response to that: "Be quiet!"

Of course I don't say that.

What I actually say is something like, "Oh no, (s)he is excited about the new baby, aren't you? (Excited head nod from my little one.) It will be so amazing to have a new little person in our family. We're all excited!"

Each time we've added a baby to our family, we've seen that children are incredibly impressionable in regard to their attitude about a new baby.

What I mean by that is this: you will (most likely) get the attitude you expect to get. If you expect that children will be bitter, jealous, and throw tantrums, they will probably lower themselves to your expectations. If you expect that children will be thrilled to have a new sibling, while setting real expectations, and preparing for real adjustments, then they will rise to the occasion.

They may even surprise you and be more gentle and thoughtful and helpful than you imagined possible for one so young.

Jealousy doesn't have to happen.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I haven't seen a jealous attitude even ONE time with a new baby in our home. That doesn't mean that there haven't been any difficulties or adjustments when we have a new baby... of course, there's (temporarily) a more tired mama, and of course, she's busy doing more than she did previously. BUT that is not a bad thing.

A kid adjusting to a big change in life is not the same as jealousy.

But every time we have a newborn, when we look in the eyes of our children (from the 11 year old on down to our little guys), we see awe. Straight up awe. There is also curiosity. And then (especially with the 2 and under crowd), it's back to normal life-- toys, snacks, wanting to snuggle with mommy, coloring, and making messes. :)

Our attitude and approach directly correlates to what attitude the kids take on.

No matter what others suggest, jealousy is not a given.

A LIMITED AMOUNT OF LOVE?
I think this idea of assumed jealousy tracks back to the notion that love in a family is like a pie: there is a limited amount, and each child we add will cut into the portion of love each child receives, thus leaving them with less and less of the "pie".

But the truth is that love is like a multiplication problem:

First you start with two people. And their love doesn't just add to one another... it multiplies.

3x3=9

So when you add another person, it looks like this:

3x3x3=27

and when you add another person, it looks like this:

3x3x3x3=81

And so on.

LOVE MULTIPLIES
The relationships that go on in our home are so much fun. I wrestle and tickle with the 5 year old. He says "I'll get you" a million times in a row to the 9-month-old, inducing laughter every time. The 9-month old is pulled onto the chest of the 11-year-old while he watches a movie, and they cuddle. The 11-year-old sits patiently and reads to the 3-year-old. The 3-year-old asks the 7-year-old if he can play babies with her in her room. The 7-year-old asks her big 9-year-old brother to go ride bikes.

And on and on.

Relationships are built.

Sibling rivalry is not unavoidable. There is no need for an 11-, 7-, 3-, 2-, or 1-year old to be "jealous" of a new baby.

If you're expecting an addition to your family, whether it's your first, or your sixth, or your twenty-fifth (I think that should cover most everyone) purpose now that you will speak positively of that baby, EVERY time. Decide in advance that if a grocery store clerk or a grandparent or a friend or anyone suggests "jealousy" to your child, that you will stop it right then and there and choose to plant words and ideas of LOVE.

Choose to have this attitude-- in your heart, and in your words:

A new life! We have a new baby! This little person is an eternal soul that is a unique expression of God's creativity, made in God's image.

There is so much to celebrate & be thankful for.

A LOVE THAT GIVES
The other thing that plays into this is that while you are planting ideas of love, that you are defining what love IS for your child.

Teach them, from the start that loving one another means GIVING to one another:

"You're going to be such a big helper, waiting and playing toys while mom changes the baby's diaper."
"Sometimes the baby is going to cry, and so we'll have to help her settle down."
"Mama's going to be tired, and so when the baby lays down to sleep, you and me will take a nap together too!"
"Mama's going to spend a lot of time nursing the baby. You'll get to sit by mama and read books near me on the couch."

Let them know that the way they act toward this baby matters... that they can start being a loving and kind big brother and sister.

"We are ALWAYS gentle and sweet to little babies."

Plant words and ideas of love in your older child's mind, so that every time the baby is mentioned, they start thinking about that baby with an active, self-giving love. And give them specific ideas about what that patient, self-sacrificing LOVE will look like, so that jealousy isn't a part of the equation at all.

Sibling jealousy is NOT unavoidable. And love can multiply. It can multiply right there in your home.

Just wait and see!

Opt Out Of the Food Wars (Trail Blaze #11)

Confession time: I am tired of all the food wars.

Tired, tired, tired.

When I was growing up, everything was low-fat. Now, apparently, that makes you fat, no joke.

This week, it's "eat no carbs", next thing I read says 'trade off only carbs or fats as the fuel for each meal (who the HECK wants to eat a burger with no cheese or mayo?-- don't answer that and make me feel guilty- ha!), next one it's "only eat like the cavemen did." Last year was "switch to whole-grain everything," this year they're saying, "whole-grains have too much gluten." (And probably, you can find current studies saying the opposite of everything I just wrote. Please don't. I don't care anymore.)

I give up.

I don't have the energy to follow the trends.

I have OPTED OUT of the food wars.

I'm a tired mom just trying to do the best I can to feed my family. I refuse to pile guilt on myself when JUST BUYING THE GROCERIES and KEEPING THEM SEMI-IN-STOCK in our home, and KEEPING MY KIDS FED takes about all the mental capacity I have to devote to food.

Here's some things I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful that I can buy real food for a family of eight when so many people are losing their jobs and struggling.
I'm thankful that I'm able to be home with them so that my time can be leveraged and make our budget stretch farther by me cooking from scratch.
I'm thankful I have learned how to cook a number of things from scratch. (I'm no gourmet, but I can get around in the kitchen all right.)
I'm thankful for the easy-peasy convenience foods we use from time to time (to give me a freaking break without freaking breaking our wallet).
I'm thankful that I came to this mothering gig before the "your baby needs to eat non-GMOed-fermented-organic-kale as his first food" mantra was in existence. (OK, I don't think that's a mantra. But it's not far off from being able to be a believable mantra, right?) I'm glad I was a mom before this food stuff reached a fever pitch, because now I recognize it as unnecessary and dispensable advice.
I'm thankful for the mental space available, and the internet access available to write to all of you ladies about this.

We mostly can't afford organic, and we don't eat the best. But we don't eat the worst either. I try to feed my family real, wholesome food, and limit the unpronounceable ingredients. I've watch the documentaries like Food Inc., Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, and King Corn. And I try to cut through the hype and learn little bits that will help me make livable, sustainable, budgetarily-reasonable choices for our family.

I think my kids eat more veggies than I did growing up, and last year we switched out the boxed cereals for oatmeal. Now we're switching to steel-cut. And ya know, maybe someone will release a study this week indicating that that's terrible. If so, don't write me a comment about it.

I'm just saying, we're making changes that we're pleased with.

That's my point--

We do the best we can. And that's all we can do for now. I bet you do too.

I'm not going to let the scary documentaries, bully dietitians on daytime TV, latest fad diets, and baby food diet "experts" (who maybe don't even have kids themselves) make me take on a heap of guilt over something like this. And I want to encourage you not to either.

HERE IS MY MANTRA, and I offer it to you as well:

Do the best you can.

Live in grace.

Drop-kick guilt to the curb every time it rears its ugly head.

And be grateful.

And I will too.
The end.

Blessings to you & your family,
Jess Connell

P.S. If you or your child has a medical issue or allergies with certain foods/whatever, please don't think this is an attack on you or your family. The mantra goes for you too. Hang in there.

Top TEN Non-Screen Toys (That Actually Get Played With)

As we draw near to the frenzied toy-buying Christmas season, let me offer our recommendations for elementary-aged kids. We have six kids eleven and under, so I've got a little more than a decade, and many different personalities' worth of "experience," invested in this advice.

(In fact, if you add up my kids' ages separately, this advice has 36 years' worth of day-in, day-out kid-play "cred" behind it. Which makes me sound WAY old-- I'm "only" 34, for the record.)

Here are our TOP TEN Non-Screen Toys (that actually get played with):

LEGOs- Hands down, the most-beloved toy set enjoyed by our 5-and-up crew.
DUPLOs- Also MUCH played with in our home! This is a better choice for kids 5 and under, as Legos can be maddening for little hands that aren't quite, developmentally, ready for them. I always leave our big box of these out, and they are our go-to toy when we have another family over. Everyone can enjoy building with a huge tub of Duplos! (Make sure you have some boards to build on!)
Nerf Swords and Shields- In case you don't know, I have five boys. So, yeah. These are perennial favorites around here. Thankfully, with Nerf, I don't have to worry about injuries. Win-win. :)
Play Kitchen and Dishes- This is another classic set around here, that I continually add to and keep fresh. I prune busted old pieces and add new dishes, plastic and wooden foods, regularly. All of my kids, up to about 9-10 years old, LOVE to cook and bring me "meals" they've made. We have plenty of play food (especially wooden food) too!
Matchbox cars and play roads (This construction-focused play rug looks so fun and I like the simple versatility of this one.)
Large-style Wooden Blocks- I love this set of larger building blocks; it has enough blocks for them to really get architecturally creative!
A good quality dollhouse like this (or one like this) with Loving Family people- These are great everyday-looking people who fit dollhouses and teach children to play in family settings.
Playdoh and great cutting tools
Magnetic Dolls- We have several varieties of magnetic dolls for my daughter. It's a nice quiet activity. (We also recently purchased a Melissa and Doug magnetic cars set that works the same way, where you can redesign the car all different ways, but I couldn't find a link for it online. Our three year old son LOVES it.)
Baby dolls (our daughter has a variety of dolls and clothing), baby doll cradle & stroller- the quintessential little girl toy. These get played with all the time here, even with "just" one little girl in our home.

Runner up: Bath toys with plenty of cups for pouring and nets to scoop (This may not be a great "Christmas toy" but these are oft-used toys in our house that help to lengthen bath time & make it more enjoyable. These last YEARS and are worth the investment!)

One final note: If you're looking at an item on this list and thinking, "I've got that, and he/she doesn't play with it.", I would bet that 90-95% of the time, it is not a toy problem but a toy quantity problem. Having a set of 40 small wooden blocks is not NEAR as creativity-inspiring as having a huge plastic tub of 250 of them. Having one set of four plates, bowls, cups, and forks is not the same as having a variety of foods, dishes, and a play kitchen or small table for them to work at and "cook."

I'm not advocating that you go out, today, and purchase 4 new Lego sets. Buy a set or two, and then watch at garage sales, on eBay, and more, to add to the sets you have, expanding them in number and in options. Basically, don't "try" one Duplo set and then decide that "they don't like them" because they didn't play with the 18-pc set.

Having enough *quantity* of a toy will encourage and allow your children to get "lost" in creative play.

CLICK FOR MORE:

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

21 Tips to Help Your Family Sleep Well

Sleep is an necessary (and let's be honest, lovely) part of life.

And I believe it is a necessary part of a good attitude for us all as well.

In our home, good rest for everyone is an essential ingredient in making for a peaceful home environment. When we moved abroad, multiple times over, with little ones in tow, getting everyone onto local time and getting good rest was pretty much my top priority in the first couple of weeks. Naps are non-negotiable for kids until around age 4, and then only negotiable if their pleasant attitude can consistently hold out until bedtime.

With 6 kids in the house, all of whom share 2 bedrooms, sleeping is one of those issues (like making healthy meals) that I've chosen to invest time in, because consistency and effort in this area pays us all back multiple times over. We all sleep well, and mama is happier that way.

MY BEST TIPS FOR GETTING KIDS TO SLEEP:

Long-time Making Home readers know that for babies, I'm a big fan of Babywise. Giving your children good quality sleep is truly a gift for their little bodies, souls, and attitudes. (Psst: We now use swaddlers for the first 3-6 months. They didn't have these when I started having babies, but they're wonderful for taming the newborn "startle" reflex.)
And I've laid out specifics before about how we work (yes, work!) to help our children continue to sleep well, long past infancy. I see this as a serious priority for our family.
Get them in bed at a reasonable hour. This can vary from family to family, depending on parents' working hours, family norms, and kids' schooling. In our house, kids 6 & under are in bed by 8 (8:30 in the summer), and kids 11 & under are in bed by 9 (9:30 in the summer).
The bedtime routine is quick. We don't play around; when it's time for bed, it's time for bed. They don't need endless stories, because we've been reading together throughout the day. A quick hug and kiss, a prayer, brush-your-teeth-get-a-last-drink-go-potty-and-get-in-bed. Phew! (This gives mommy and daddy much-needed time together too.)
We put dark curtains in their rooms (when we lived in a place where it got brighter, earlier, we put blackout curtains like hotels use as an inside liner behind their normal room curtains). A nightlight is kept on in the bathroom, with the door almost completely shut so the light doesn't disturb sleep but they can find it if they need to go potty in the middle of the night.
If they wake up too early, back to bed they go.

Very few people in our society get enough sleep, but helping our children sleep well is a top priority for me, because it pays dividends in their attitudes, and in mine.

BEST TIPS FOR MOM:
Through twelve years of non-stop pregnancies, nursing babies, cross-world moves, migraines, insomnia, and restless legs syndrome, I want to share what works for me:

I teach the kids to sleep well. Yes, I think the first step in me sleeping well is making sure that everyone else sleeps well, so there's no one else waking me up.
I regularly take hot baths with Epsom Salt and Lavender, right before bed. It relaxes my body and keeps me from experiencing the insomnia of restless-leg-syndrome.
My husband rubs my feet with body butter while we talk or watch movies on a fairly regular basis. This helps me calm down, and gives us a chance to connect.
We are intimate, often. This lowers tension, keeps us emotionally connected, and yes- relaxes and helps us both to sleep better. (The endorphins and hormones released during intimacy relax the body... God made these things for our benefit, y'all!)
I keep simple over the counter aids like muscle rub creams, Chloraseptic, pain relief medicine, and Vicks vaporub on hand, so I can treat what ails me.
We have a Sleep Number Bed, and shipped it around the world with us. We've had it since 2003, and it's still going strong, all these moves later. Being able to make the bed softer and more firm, at my whim, has made sleep more comfortable for me through the ever-changing-pregnancy-body.
Did I mention that helping the kids sleep well is a top priority around here? Seriously. I see this as part of my job description as mom, just like it is my job as their mom to see that they eat properly.

MICHAEL HYATT'S 8 TIPS FOR GETTING BETTER SLEEP:

Avoid caffeinated drinks, especially after 4pm.
Eliminate negative input. (Don't pick up phone calls from negative people, news/media, things that will cause you to worry.)
Go to bed on time. There is always one more thing you can do. He says, don't deceive yourself. Get to bed about an hour before you plan to fall asleep.
Make sure the room is DARK. Any kind of light impacts sleep patterns. Block out windows.
Keep the temperature cool. About 68 in winter, about 70 in summer, so you can have a cover and feel comfortable.
Run a fan, or have white noise. Turn on the overhead fan. Get a "white noise" app or machine. Give your brain enough background noise to mask external noises.
Use essential oils. "People are rediscovering the benefits of oils." Michael Hyatt uses DoTerra, and applies vetiver (on feet, behind ears & on temples), clarysage (on feet), and lavender (on chest, back of neck, & pillow).
Prayer. "Gail and I pray together every night." It casts burdens on the Lord, clears your mind, connects you with your spouse, and gives you peace and the care of the Lord.

His bonus tips:

Take a hot bath. Relax and prepare you for bed.
Read. Even better if it's something "mindless" (looking through a magazine).
Listen to music.
Be intentional with your sleep. Take deliberate actions to improve your restfulness.

CHECK OUT HIS ARTICLE & PODCAST ABOUT SLEEP & PRODUCTIVITY.

Any additional sleep tips to share? Please add your ideas in the comments.

Working My Way Home

{This article was originally posted as a guest article for Megan @ A Blossoming Homestead.}

Mine was the generation of girls who were told (and believed), "You can do anything a boy can do, only better."

I was born in the first decade after Roe v. Wade. Though born to Christian parents, the seductive lies of feminism invaded my belief system from an early age. I dreamed career-focused dreams, without for a moment considering that any biological functions or marital desire would -- or should -- affect those dreams.

Convinced that we were smarter than boys ("girls rule, and boys drool"), we were more cutthroat ("hell hath no fury..."), we were also on the receiving end of affirmative action efforts. Colleges and businesses wanted us, but (at least in the south) boys still had to hold the door open for us.

In every area, we girls were the beneficiaries.

Or so we believed.

CAREER PLANS

After serving in student government and working as an intern for then-Governor Mike Huckabee, I worked for the Arkansas Legislature and shortly after graduation got a job in D.C. as the Associate Director of the Texas Office of State-Federal Relations.

I was well on my way to achieving my political dreams, gaining experience through assisting, which (in my mind, and validated in the lives of those I interacted with) I believed would lead to personally holding elected office. With strong political connections in Arkansas, Texas, and the White House, I had (though I was in my very early twenties) achieved the launching pad for the political career of my choosing.

...THEN CAME BABY

When I became pregnant, we began weighing our options and the plan that made the most sense to us was for me to keep going great guns with my career, and for Doug to be a stay-home dad. We went through months of thinking that way, but images kept flooding back into my brain.

I could see Angie, my friend and mentor, on the floor with her five young children... snuggling, playing, nursing, laughing, and overseeing green army men and wooden block towers. I read breastfeeding books and pondered how in the world I would manage that from my office two blocks from the US Capitol, with my husband and baby in the suburbs during 10-hour workdays. Reading Iris Krasnow's book Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul gave me much to ponder. While not a Christian book, Krasnow digs into the intersection of the feminist message and the earth-shaking role of mother. She painted the picture for me of her messy dining table, with three kids three and under, and the unabated joy therein.

Somewhere inside of me, these images and messages roiled and rumbled, until one day it all spilled out to Doug in one emotional, heart-felt, impassioned-in-the-same-way-I-had-previously-been-about-politics lump of words.

And he listened.

Praise God, my husband listened to the emotional jumble and heard inside of it the nugget of truth... the God-given desire of a mother to be home with her child, not missing a moment, pouring her heart and soul into this new person.

EVERYTHING CHANGED
Because my husband honored this desire of my heart, it changed everything about our lives. No longer would we be able to afford to live in Washington, D.C., and no longer would he pursue a graduate degree in Art. We took a leap of faith, without a job, without insurance, and moved back to Texas.

NOT A CAKEWALK
Because our son had stayed a week in the NICU that did not accept our insurance, we were financially in debt.

Things were tight, but we knew God would care for us. And He did.

Through God's people, Doug found work. Through his work (at Kohl's), we were able to afford to re-outfit his closet with professional attire (rather than that of a college artist), and he found a job that brought home just enough for us to live on.

We weren't "comfortable":

We lived in a one-bedroom apartment in a small, rural town
We had one car, so I was in that apartment almost 24/7
I was overweight and had almost no clothes that fit (but a nice set of suits a couple sizes smaller)
We didn't have money to change any of that

BUT-- we knew we were doing what we were made to do, and we were content.

From Genesis 2 forward, men are created to work, and women are created to be nurturers of life. God designed us to do exactly the thing that didn't make sense to the modern notions of wisdom.

Though our career plans were big and we were successfully chasing those dreams, God had other plans for us.

And now, eleven and a half years later, we've moved around the world multiple times, and now have 5 boys and a girl (ages 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 7 months), who I am privileged to spend my days alongside.

I am still so thankful for the things God did to change our hearts and priorities, and wouldn't change a thing!

Well, I take that back. I would have sold that closet full of suits while they were still in style.

But aside from that, not a thing.

LOVE Your Children With Great AFFECTION! (Trail Blaze #9)

Last week, I wrote about how I stop tantrums lickety-split.

And, make no mistake, I'm an advocate for parental authority & consistent discipline:

But it made me think-- I am coming at these things from a perspective of having GREAT AFFECTION FOR my children, and lavishing GREAT AFFECTION ON my children every day. And, sadly, I am quite certain that not everyone nowadays knows what that looks like.

This greatly affects how parenting advice plays out in the life of a family. Consistent, biblical parenting is meant to be carried out in the context of a loving, affectionate relationship.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR CHILDREN
So let me share some of the *regular* forms of affection I share with my children (currently ages 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 8 months). Most of these are daily, a few might be once/week-type actions or activities:

I tell them "good morning" every day, usually with a simple touch to the arm, or while smiling at them and cupping their chin with my hand.
We snuggle on the couch together, usually with the child tucked into the crook of my arm.
I pat their arm or give them a side hug while we talk.
They tell me their jokes. Even if the joke doesn't make sense (which, they mostly *don't* with kids about 7-8 and under), I smile and affirm their efforts.
I look them in the eyes and give them my full attention when they speak to me.
I try to smile big whenever I see them. This happens tons and tons of times a day.
We talk about what is going on in their lives-- big and small. (They show me Lego creations or drawings; I draw out deeper things from my roughly 7 and older crew when I sense that there are undercurrents of feeling left out, discouraged about something in particular, etc.)
I get down on the floor and wrestle & play with them, intermingling snuggles, wrestling, hugs, kisses, and laughter. I play knee bouncy games with the 7 & under crew, where they bounce on my raised legs, or where I even lift them up, cheerleader style, so they're standing on my hands (when they get older it's just too much for my hands and knees).
We share meals together where I sit down with them and we pray, talk, memorize Scripture together, laugh, comment about how cute their little brother is, etc.
One or two of them might meander into my bedroom for a snuggle first thing in the morning before we get up, bleary-eyed.
I shower them with kisses. This decreases in frequency as they get older.
I hug them often. This does not decrease in frequency.
We laugh together.
I tickle them & they ask for more tickles. (I always stop if they ask me to "stop," and they all love to be tickled. I *think* this is because they know I will not exceed their boundaries in this area. They can always say "stop" and I will, immediately.)
I zuburt them, and they ask for more zuburts. (After finding that link, I realize that I've been mispronouncing it-- and misspelling it-- all these years. Oh well.)
I rub their backs or give neck/leg massages when they seem sore/tight/achy, or are having growing pains.
I ask them questions like, "Do you know how special you are to me?" and "Do you know you're my favorite 9-year-old in the whole wide world?"
I respond to their requests to color/build blocks/design a train track/do doll hair *sometimes*. I am not primarily their playmate, but I am willing to play, from time to time, because I love them and want to spend time with them when I am free to do it.
They cook with me and I tell them they're doing a good job.
We take walks together and hold hands.
We dance silly together to fun music like LeCrae.
I tell them "I love you" often.
I hug and scratch their backs.
We swim and play together outside.
I sometimes reach and hold their hand if I am in the front passenger seat and they are in a car seat, or when we are on the couch.
For little babies: I keep them close in slings, sometimes. I kiss their toes, their nose, etc. We play little games where I list out all their body parts, pointing to each one and saying that God made it.
I listen to them. Even when it's stuff I'm not necessarily interested in (though this has it's limits. Sometimes mom has a migraine, or is cooking and focused on following a recipe, or needs quiet afternoon time, or whatever. I am not advocating for boundary-less living, but self-sacrificial love will sometimes mean listening to an extensive description of a WWII battle tank, or how our daughter just made up a nonsensical story with her My Little Ponies).
I talk to them. We talk about politics, what bill I'm paying and how much it is this month, why I chose to spray paint my writing desk yellow, ideas for how to build a chicken coop, reasons why we opt out of certain things in order to spend more time together as a family, etc.
We opt to take one or more children with us when we have an errand to run, even when we don't "have to."
We use LOTS of pet names (little squish, sweet potato, doodle, punkin pie, baby man, noodle baby, stinker pie, squishy-ba-dishy, little man-man, snuggle-buggle, precious baby girl, etc.).
As they get older (more toward 7-11+), I ask them their opinions about things... we talk about life and the implications of different decisions and I affirm whenever they display any amount of wisdom or insight.
I read books to them aloud (yes, even to my oldest son who in youth group).
We hug and kiss them goodnight, every night.
We sing songs together, especially at bedtime. (Their favorite, most-requested is "Amazing Grace.")
I pray for them, out loud at bedtime, whenever I put them to bed. (Admittedly, bedtime is normally a daddy-duty around here, but whenever I put them to bed, I pray aloud for them.) For all of the children, I pray that they will sleep well, sleep all night, and be refreshed and ready for a new day the next morning. If anyone has been struggling with fear or night-wakings, I thank God that He tells us "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." I verbalize, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You," and ask that He would remove any fear and teach them to trust in Him. I pray for my sons that they will grow up to be honest, honorable, hard-working men who protect the women and children God puts in their lives. I pray that they will prize Scripture and become more like Jesus every day. I pray that they will be kind to one another, patient with their sister, and become servant-hearted men like their daddy. For my daughter, I pray that she will grow to be a woman who loves Jesus and knows Scripture. I pray that she will be a kind-hearted woman who uses her words to encourage and build up others. I pray that she will be a blessing to her brothers.

One of the few things older Christian women are explicitly commanded to teach younger women is to "love their children."

This is something that is important to understand... as Christian parents, we are not pursuing the robotic subjection of our children. We are not dictators, and they are not cowering subjects. We are pursuing a loving, affectionate relationship with them, as we train them to obey, coach them through life, teach them what's right, and help them walk in the way they should go.

LOVING them with GREAT AFFECTION allows us to discipline them with great consistency and confidence, and enjoy life alongside them within the context of a joyful family.

What are ways you show love to your kids that you would add to my list?

FOR FURTHER READING:

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney (One of her seven topics is how to cultivate affectionate love for our children.)
Loving Our Children PART ONE and PART TWO
The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson
Labeling VS. Loving
Beware of Psychobabble Parenting, and Psychobabble Parenting, Part 2

Image courtesy of: StockImages/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Do You Handle Tantrums? (Trail Blaze #8)

Q: My 2.5 year old son is having tantrums, laying on the floor, thrashing and screaming. I feel like something is wrong! Is this normal? What do I do?

A: Yes, this is something "normal." Tantrums are without a doubt something you will face as mom, and every single one of my children has tried to pitch a fit, throw a tantrum, scream and fuss, whine and holler, stomp, and/or lay down and thrash on the ground (well, not Theo yet, but he's only 8 months old... give him time, and --sadly-- he will too).

It's part of living with a little sinner who wants to go his own way.

He thinks he knows better than you, but needs you to be firm and not let him do things like ignoring what you say, screaming, and throwing tantrums.

EVERYTHING STOPS
The very *SECOND* something like that happens, everything in his world should come to a screeching halt until he adjusts to mom's way of thinking and acting. However long that takes. No more playing, no snack, no "first let me ____," no psychobabble/excuses. Definitely no bribing him to stop.

First things first. Use a firm voice: "Stand up and stop acting that way." See to it that he stops. When he realizes that you mean business and will not allow anything else in life to happen until he complies, he'll muster up some self-control.

Really. So keep at it however long it takes, until he stands up (on his own two feet-- don't allow any of this pull-up-the-feet-and-refuse-to-stand business) and stops.

Many women I encounter stop me at this point and say, "but you don't understand. My child is so stubborn/strong-willed/angry/physically strong." Yes. Yes, I understand. (See the comments for more specifics on this point.) But yes, I mean you. And yes, I mean your child, no matter how willful, difficult, or strong-willed.

Persevere and do not let your child do anything else happen until the tantrum stops.

[The only time I do this differently is if we are out in public, and thus subjecting others to the drama. At that point, I stop whatever I'm doing-- yes, even grocery shopping-- and either move to an out of the way place where we can talk face to face (me kneeled down at face level, or out to the car) without distractions. Do not subject others to your child's foolish, annoying, loud shenanigans. Regardless though, everything stops and we deal with the tantrum, UNTIL. Until normality of attitude is resumed.]

At that point, life goes on, pleasantly.

COACH WITH SHORT, OBEY-ABLE SENTENCES
You coach him to do whatever it was that frustrated him, but in the way he *ought* to do it- "Ask mommy nicely for your snack," or "Ask mommy to help you put the train track together," or, "We are not leaving the store right now. You need to wait just a little longer until we finish shopping," or "You may not go outside right now. Sit here and snuggle by mom and look at books."

Do not get into long explanations or psychoanalytical feelings-type language. If he's throwing a fit because he wanted a particular book on the store shelf, it's OK to say, "I know you wanted that book." But then move on.

Use short, obey-able sentences, like:

"Look in mommy's eyes." (Wait for him to look. Boys can be particularly bad about this, and work fiercely to look anywhere else but your eyes. Outlast him. Block out other perspectives and direct his chin to where his face is looking at you. Do not do anything else until he looks and holds your gaze.)
"You must not fuss that way, yes ma'am?" (I'm from the south. We say "yes ma'am." Insert the phrase of your choosing, but something where he is affirming your authority and his intention to obey. "Yes mom," "Ok, mommy," etc. are fine alternatives.)
"Now, stop fussing." (Expect that he does. You are his right and loving authority, and he can stop himself, truly.)
Sometimes follow-up sentences about posture/facial expressions are necessary with this... "Pick up your head. Open your eyes. Uncross your arms." Etc. Many children display physical characteristics that let you see exactly what is going on in their hearts. Coach them to physically change their posture or facial expression from a state of grumping and slumping to an attitude and appearance of facing the world cheerfully.

Then I help them wipe their eyes/nose/face if they need it, encourage them to take a deep breath, and then I sometimes redirect their attention to something pleasant ("Look at that kitty cat!"). Not at all in a coaxing way, but in order to help reset their minds.

Any HINT of the return of fussiness merits the same response. Everything stops until the grumping stops.

BE AUTHORITATIVE AND FIRM
Honestly, if you are firm and direct, every single time he does this, these outbursts will almost entirely end very soon. While my kids continue to try to have tantrums from time to time, they are shut down very quickly, and we move on to pleasant things.

In my opinion, advice like "ignore it" or "put them in their room" allows these miserable emotional (not to mention LOUD) displays to go on and on indefinitely... for minutes, or even hours at a time... and then for days upon days of walking around on eggshells, waiting for the next episode of emotional volatility or dramatic eruptions. All the while the child is developing a habit of raging about the things they want, and an unhealthy, emotional fixation on the things that irritate and bother them. These are not attitudes I want to be reinforced or unaddressed in my children's hearts and lives.

Just stop the whole thing as soon as it starts. Train your child in the way he should go-- not at all in an ugly way-- just straightforwardly. Teach him how to behave. Show him what he ought to do and do not allow dramatic nonsense to carry on and on. Within a second or two of the eruption, stop him. See that he stops. Then move on pleasantly and enjoy the day together. You may even find that by watching your children carefully, you can begin to tell when a tantrum is oncoming, and help them to stop it before it starts by coaching them through how to handle disappointment or frustration.

This is all about having firm, no-nonsense consistency. Our culture has a real authority problem, but kids recognize when someone in the room knows they are the authority. We've all seen and experienced it, where the kid who's a real pill pushes everyone around until he meets the hard-nosed teacher who won't put up with it. She's the authority and they both know it.

So, be the authority. Not in a bullying, ugly, angry way, but in a firm, "I'm 5000% serious, and there is absolutely zero chance of this continuing to happen." sort of way.

AFTER you deal with the immediate issue of the tantrum, then you go on and parent as usual. No grumping, shock, or bitterness on your part. Be pleasant and enjoy him.

He is still your sweet boy, but he is (like the rest of us) a sinner who will fight tooth and nail to have things his own way if he possibly can. Some children absolutely put up more of a fight than others, but make no mistake-- they all want to have their own way, regardless of personality.

Galatians 6:9 tells us not to grow weary in well doing because there is a harvest to be reaped in due time if we don't give up. You are doing well to your son when you take time to stop him, require that he stand up, stop lashing around like a foolish child, look you in the eye, be respectful, and obey your voice. You are teaching him, by the way you follow through and see that he listens to you, how he should respond to the authority and voice of God.

REMEMBER: IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY
Instead of seeing tantrums as a horrible, embarrassing thing, see it as an opportunity to address something in your child's heart that desperately needs to be dealt with.

When your child erupts into a tantrum, God has given you a BIG moment where you can teach your child to listen to you, to trust your instructions over his/her feelings, and to have self-control in the midst of disappointment, frustration, rage, or uncertainty. This is an investment in your child's future-- you are teaching him/her to be emotionally stable and not fly off the handle into rages or controlling emotions because of life's disappointments. You are training him/her how to respond to challenges and difficulties.

This is a golden and rich opportunity for you as the parent!

Every kid tries it.

But it doesn't have to continue.

It's a learning opportunity for you both, and an opportunity for him to grow in maturity and self-control. It's one of the many ways that God has put you as an influence and authority in your child's life in order for you to guide him in the way he should go.

Click here for more specifics on how to handle tantrums.

6 Tips For Choosing "Evergreen" Toys

As a mom of six kids, you might imagine that I have some strong opinions about what makes a good toy. You'd be right. In fact, let's just call them my personal rules for choosing toys that stand the test of time.

We want to be good stewards of what God gives us, and one of the ways we try to be good stewards in our home is to choose to buy things that will last. Do we sometimes have toys that don't fit these rules? Sure we do. And you probably do too. But generally speaking, when I'm asked by one of the grandmas what her grandkids might like, I think of what that particular child has been interested in or asking for, and then I mentally run through these tips and come out with something that's a win-win:

The kid loves it, and I don't have to create a new bin or category or storage spot for it.
The kid loves it, and it doesn't break in a month.
The kid loves it, and it doesn't get old when a certain movie or style is no longer popular.
The kid loves it, and I'm not annoyed by it.
The kid loves it, and I'm not furiously hunting down the one-missing-piece on which the whole set depends a week later.

Without further ado, here are 6 TIPS FOR CHOOSING EVERGREEN (meaning, they'll last perennially) TOYS:

CHOOSE WOOD OVER PLASTIC. Wood toys tend to last longer, and break less easily. (For our family, Duplos (0-8 years old) and Legos (5+ years old) are clear exceptions to this rule, and there are others... but generally speaking, we go for wood when possible.)
CHOOSE TOYS THAT AREN'T DEPENDENT ON HAVING ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER. Maybe this is the large-family-mother in me coming out (because inevitably, with six kids, pieces get lost around here. A LOT.), but even with one kid, when you "need" a certain piece to make it work, that is (Murphy's Law) going to be the piece that gets lost, thus making all the other pieces useless. Philosophically speaking, this means that even though the cuttable-velcro-fruit toys are fun, whole fruit toys will likely be played with longer.
(Almost) NOTHING ELECTRONIC. Anything that beeps, requires batteries, has a volume button... these things simply "die" quicker (and become dated sooner) than toys that have some sort of kinesthetic or creative aspect without the electronic element. Not to mention that they most likely annoy the crud out of mom. Just being honest. So yeah, those are off my list too. (Leapfrog toys-- especially their Phonics Radio--are one personal exception to this rule.)
CHOOSE TOYS THAT ENABLE CREATIVITY vs. TOYS THAT DO ALL THE CREATIVE "LEGWORK" FOR YOU. For example, Loving Family People characters with a simple dollhouse enable creativity in play vs. over-styled Bratz-style dolls or career-specific Barbie toys. Toys that allow your child to enact and tell a variety of stories and roles from their imagination are preferable to toys that have inherent character/story/attitude built into them.
CHOOSE TOYS THAT FIT WITH TOYS YOU ALREADY HAVE. Thinking in terms of toy "sets" will keep your toys together, longer, without having to add new bins or find new places to store things.
CHOOSE GENERIC OVER CHARACTER/BRANDED TOYS. For example,
a good set of Lincoln Logs

or Legos to build a variety of buildings is better than a DespicableMe

or Tonto figurine from a recent movie. One is perennial; the other will soon be dated.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TOY "RULES" YOU'D ADD TO MY LIST? Please share in the comments.

Image courtesy of xe-pOr-ex/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Encouragement For the First-Time Mom

Just today I was reminded of the baby shower of a dear friend of mine. She is a gem of a gal and though I missed her wedding while we lived abroad, I was able to attend her first baby shower. Wise woman that she is, she asked for all the moms in the room to shower her with encouragement and advice as she moved into this new phase of life. 

Here is what I shared with her that day. I hope it will encourage you, too:

"When the days get hard (and they will), and the nights get hard (and they will), it helps me to remember that God is sovereign.

Out of all the people in the universe that have ever lived, He sovereignly placed you as the mother of this baby. He hand-selected that baby for you, and hand-selected you for that baby. Out of all the potential combinations of people that could have been in your family, this is the one He ordained.

So when you feel overwhelmed, stressed, unsure, exhausted, or like you can't do this, no matter what you're facing, take comfort in knowing that the all-knowing, all-seeing sovereign God ordained this. He is good and wise and trustworthy. Knowing everything that would happen, from beginning to end, and knowing everything about you both, He made you for that baby, and that baby for you.

Lean on and trust Him more than anything else. He's so faithful and as you seek Him, He will guide you into all wisdom and give you all that you need as you raise that sweet baby."

4 Questions For the Tired Mom

During a recent early afternoon visit to Wal-Mart, I spoke to two employees (one at the beginning of my visit, and the other with the checker) and had identical conversations with them.

Me: (smile) "Hello there, how are you doing?"

Them: "Oh..." (blink/nod) "... I'm tired. Ready for a break."

Now, I'm not slamming either of them for being tired, even mid-day. We all have "off" days.

But these two conversations punctuated my experience of watching people walking around Wal-Mart, in the middle of the day on a weekend, looking tired and worn out.

It was, to me, a picture of a larger truth in our society: people are (by and large) shuffling through life, getting by, not really engaging with people.

Everybody's tired! All the time.

And all too often, rather than intentionally working with purpose and dignity, even employees (who used to be trained in customer-engagement and an attitude of service) are just passing time, waiting for the next break.

Of course, we moms are tired too.

Even if we're not "working," make no mistake: we're working. Constantly helping, cooking, training, re-training, tying, cutting, writing, cleaning, singing, playing, nursing, showing, watching, coaching, carrying, listening, teaching... the needs sometimes seem endless, and it makes us tired, but deep down we know: it is a GOOD tired.

"GOOD AND TIRED"
As I drove home from Wal-Mart that day, the exhaustion of childhood came to mind.

Summer days in our small town were filled with moments best described by "getting good and tired." Long walks down railroad tracks, biking all over our small town, exploring under trundle bridges, playing basketball in the driveway, building forts out in the field behind our house, swinging on a homemade swing from the tall trees at my grandparents' home... all these things made me and my little brother "good and tired."

Do you remember when it wasn't busyness that made you tired?

Have you experienced days like that recently? Days where wholesome, hard work, intense but fruitful emotional investments, or fervent play, were what made you tired, rather than the fast-paced lifestyle full of commitments and events that has now become part-and-parcel of the American life?

Do you differentiate these things in your life-- the "tired" from the "good and tired?"

Consider these questions about your tiredness:

Am I tired from good things (eternal purpose, even if it's hard)? (Examples: Up at night nursing an infant, nurturing healthy characteristics and patterns in my family, the body-wearying work of raising young children, the mind-wearying work of parenting older children, the soul-wearying work of being sanctified and changed by God?)
Am I tired from stretching to meet goals that I/my spouse find important?

Or, are you just tired?

Ask yourself:

What am I doing in my life that is making me tired, or using me up, but is (eternally speaking) fruitless? Am I used up on things that seem urgent, but are ultimately unimportant? (With fresh eyes, consider your daily/weekly/monthly commitments... especially those things that you've 'always done.')
Am I feeding an unhealthy physical or mental exhaustion by continuing certain activities or relationships? Are there certain things or people you need to step away from?

DOES IT MATTER?
This summer, we built a chicken coop ourselves (yes, in the Texas summer heat, and yes, we did it with six children in tow). Some of those days ended with a bone-wearying exhaustion.

BUT-- it was a "good and tired" sort of exhaustion. Exhaustion with a purpose.

Your purpose doesn't have to be mine, and mine doesn't have to be yours (you might think I'm crazy for spending energy on the chicken coop, and that's OK)-- different women will rank these things differently-- but I think it makes all the difference in the world to know that your tiredness is for a purpose. [TWEET THAT.]

It feels different, even in the moment your head hits the pillow.

Are you intentionally using what God has given you (body/soul/mind/gifts/abilities)?

Are you "good and tired?

Or just tired?

Images courtesy of: David Castillo Dominici & Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

21 Cheap, Non-Electronic Indoor Things To Do With Kids

Question from a reader: What do you do during the day with your children that doesn't cost money and doesn't involve excessive screen time, especially in Texas where it's hot?

A: Here are 21 ideas for CHEAP, unplugged ideas of indoor activities to do with kids, no matter the weather:

1. PATTERN Blocks-- ALL of our kids love these... from about age two until they're ten years old. They pour them out on the laminate floor, and make colorful designs and even build with them. Creative toys are an investment worth making, because kids will play with them again and again. So even if there is an initial cost, when you divide out how many times they get played with, it ends up being an extremely cheap but extremely valuable investment. Even if you can't afford it now, make a wishlist and keep wonderful ideas on hand so that when you are given a gift card, or grandparents ask what they can get for Christmas, or you have a bit of extra money, you'll have awesome ideas, rather than wasting it on a trendy toy that will lose luster over time!

2. TALK. Tell them stories about when you were a kid. Play "Would You Rather" (like, "Would you rather be a mailman or a fireman? Why?"/ "Would you rather eat a bite of a lemon or a bite of an onion?"/ "Would you rather build with blocks or climb on a playground?"). Get a book of jokes and read through it together and explain the ones they don't get at first. Ask them what their favorite color, favorite meal, favorite toy is. Tell them about things you love about your husband or wife. Tell them family stories you want to pass down to future generations.

3. Play Kitchens, plastic/wooden dishes, & play food. This is one that children from about 18 months on up can enjoy doing. They can think up meals, make imaginary fancy birthday cakes, and more. If you're thinking "I've tried that and my kids don't do that," I would bet pretty good money that it's because you have too few pieces for them to really lose themselves in their play. There's a reason why virtually every preschool and Sunday school classroom invests in these things-- they are universally enjoyable by kids & teach them to delight in simple, every day activities like cooking, eating, washing dishes, and making things for people.

4. MEMORIZE Bible Verses together. There are tons of ways to do this. Write it on a dry-erase board and keep erasing words as you learn them together. Repeat it 20x in a variety of voices and while doing different activities (baby voice, King's voice, British accent, whiny girl's voice, loud voice, whisper, standing up, jumping on one leg). This can be 15-20 minutes of every day. You'll be shocked at how much your kids can learn if you keep at this and make it a family habit!

5. Family Pick-up. We do this often. "Everyone pick up 5 things that don't belong in the living room and put them away where they do belong." Or "everyone go to your room and pick up the floor." Because everyone's doing it, it doesn't seem so bad to just go ahead and get the job done.

6. Wooden BLOCKS. Get enough blocks for them to really be creative. If you have a large family, you may want to buy multiple sets so that there is still enough for each child to play with. We all are image-bearers of God and have creativity breathed into us by God Himself. Instead of choosing toys where all the style, story, and design is decided for them, invest in toys where the creativity is not all "done" for them. Place a priority on purchasing toys that enable them to think up things, and see that they have enough pieces to bring their architectural creativity to life.

7. Coloring Books, Paper, & CRAYONS. This is an ongoing activity that they can do for a little bit every day. Set out a toy for them to try to draw on blank pages, or let them color in a pre-made coloring book.

8. MAGZ Sets-- all of our kids three and up LOVE these. It is so fun for them to build and learn about how magnets work!

9. Teach them to cook something. Whether it's something for fun like cookies, or something practical like pot roast with carrots and potatoes, kids LOVE to be included in the activities of the kitchen. Explain what you're doing as you do it (why you hold your fingers back when you chop, why we have to mix in even the littlest bits of flour into the dough, etc.) and let them take part in feeling the satisfaction of eating the fruits of their labor.

10. Messy activities like Play-Doh, Glitter Pens, Painting, or Construction Paper w/ glue & scissors. I'll be honest here and say, I don't have much patience for these sorts of things. But maybe you do. So go for it. This is MAYBE a once-every-two-months activity around here. But they do enjoy it when I let it happen, and they usually do it for at least a good hour.

11 . ROTATE your toys. Throughout this post, I have listed toy sets that WE enjoy and have on hand. But you have your own... so instead of leaving them all out, or letting the child choose, you direct their play. Pull out one set (trains/dollhouse/dress-up), and open it up in the middle of the living room floor (or wherever it is you want them to play) and then set the timer. 20-30 minutes per toy set is entirely reasonable, and if they are having a good time, they can keep going. [TIP: If they are having a rough day and picking at each other, you can even do this where each child pulls out a blanket to sits on, and you rotate toys every 10-20 minutes. "OK, put away your notebook and pen and everyone go get 5 books to look at."... "Now put your books away and go get 6 matchbox cars." Etc.] Once they're through with one set, everyone pitches in and picks it up, and you pull out a different set.

12. ED EMBERLEY DRAWING BOOKS-- These are incredible books that let your kids pick up clues about how to draw things, and teach them to see how little strokes/lines/shapes add up to one larger drawing. We have about 8-10 of these books, and sometimes I'll just pull them out and give each kid a pad and a pen.

13. Bathtime. Whether you include bubbles and bathtoys or not, this is an easy, enjoyable way to pass at least 30 minutes. Instead of doing this at bedtime, what about doing it mid-morning, or just before naptime?

14. INCLUDE THEM in your chores. Yes, I'm serious. Take them along while you sort out a cabinet, pull weeds, organize the shoes, pick up toys. Kids can get into this and do it cheerfully if you don't treat it as if it's a punishment.

15. Quiet READING Time. Right now, our kids do one hour of (mostly) silent reading every day. I use this online timer to set the time and they know that if they talk (aside from the new reader who asks me how to pronounce a word) I'll add 5 minutes to their time. I keep interesting books on hand (children's books at all reading levels-- some with pictures, some not-- and large coffee table books I pick up at garage sales or on the clearance racks at Half Price Books), and it's their responsibility to pick the ones they want to look at. At other times, I've used quiet reading time as a way to allow kids 4 & up to rest while younger children are napping. Here are some kids book sets, or you could pick them up from friends whose kids are older, or at garage sales. And no, my kids can't all read. They can still look at the books and tell themselves the stories, or pick out things in the pictures that they enjoy looking at. If they grump during the time when they can choose their own books, they know I'll choose books for them. For my three-year-old, I have him look at books for about the first 30 minutes and then let him play quietly with toys in a pack-and-play for the remaining half hour.

16. Legos- From about 5 years old on up (it's harder when they're younger, because the pieces are small), these are a very creativity-building toy for kids.

17. Popsicle Sticks. They can build pioneer houses, make them into lines, make letters, designs. Again, think bigger-- in terms of hundreds of popsicle sticks-- not a handful.

18. Pair children up and DIRECT THEIR PLAY. Let there be times when they play independently and come up with their own things to do. But there can also be times where you pair up specific children for a specific purpose. For example, sometimes I'll tell my 11-year-old to take his 3-year-old brother to the playroom for 15 or 20 minutes while I make dinner. Or I might tell my 9- and 5-year-olds to join up with the Legos and build together. By pairing them up, it gives them a chance to learn to enjoy time with a particular sibling, and often ends up with them choosing to keep playing the same thing longer because they get into their play.

19. Everyday things. Things like feeding the dog, taking out the trash, refilling the diaper basket, checking the mail, making sure each bathroom has enough toilet paper... little jobs that fill the time and contribute to the household running efficiently.

20. Play EDUCATIONAL GAMES. Choose some games that are super-fun AND teach something (math/anatomy/logic/reading) and then pull them out from time to time.

21. BUILD A FORT. Whether you do it under the coffee table, between dining room chairs, or strung across the hallway, building a fort is a fun way to instantly inspire creativity in your children. Whether they turn it into a sleep tent, a coloring room, a place to take care of babies, or a giggly play place, it is a great way to cheerfully extend playtime. I tend to use this option on rainy days or long days when my husband won't be home until past the kids' bedtimes.

I hope this list inspires you and gives you fresh ideas of indoor activities to try in your home!

Photo courtesy of Phiseksit/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO READ:

Early Homeschooling: Infancy to Preschool- ideas for ways to encourage thinking & learning in your baby, toddler, and preschooler