Battling Distractedness

We live in a time where it is easy to be distracted. Technology beckons, with another gadget to purchase, another blog to read, another show to follow... the problem in all of this (for me) comes in that my real life requires my attention. Increasingly so.

Precious children, with bright eyes, come with stories that they want heard,

pictures carefully colored (and sometimes not-so-carefully colored) that they want admired,

questions that need answers,

requests for a book to be read,

hurt fingers needing a kiss and sometimes some neosporin & a bandaid;

they have needs for snuggles on the couch,

math lessons that require an explanation,

and wrestling on the floor.

And I have a wonderful husband who I want to spend time with, cook well for, and be able to exchange ideas with.

The temptation becomes to only enter into these significant things halfway because of time spent online, or checking e-mail, or mentally mulling what I've just read on a blog or online news agency. Even right now, I'm watching "North and South" (Elizabeth Gaskell's; bliss!), with the kids, while typing out these thoughts.

About 10 days ago, my husband bought me a Kindle, and I love it! One of the things I love about it is (as a piece of technology) that when I sit down to use it, I don't get distracted by additional features (a.k.a windows/apps). I can't check e-mail on it; I can't get distracted by blogs on my rss feedreader; Facebook can't draw me in. When I intend to read, I don't get unintentionally, thoughtlessly drawn into other things.

Today I've been wondering, what would happen if I only concentrated on one thing at a time. What would change about my life if I only focused on one thing at a time, rather than falling into the habit of regularly spinning 17 mental "plates"?

Thoughts? Comments? Experience? Tips you want to share? I welcome your input on this topic that affects so many.

Soul Care #2: Nurturing the Inner Person

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want... He restores my soul." ~Psalm 23:1

In the last post about soul care, I shared about what led Mr. Smith (the author of Embracing Soul Care) to the point of realizing his own need to nurture his soul.

Now I admit, this can sound a little unorthodox or even new agey. If you think of this in terms of "taking time for ME", this idea of "soul care" will seem incorrect or unbiblical; but if you understand that nurturing your soul actually means renewing your strength in the LORD, it all comes into proper perspective. In reality (when you take the long view of Christian history), this method of practicing spiritual disciplines, making time to be quiet before the Lord, and focusing on the simple things in life is quite orthodox.

And it's biblical:

• "We urge you, brothers, ...to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs." ~1 Thessalonians 4:10-11
• "Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." ~1 Peter 3:4
• "Take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life." ~Deut. 4:9
• "O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge." ~Psalm 57:1
• "O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised to high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul." ~Psalm 131: 1-2
• "For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.' " ~Isaiah 30:15
• "The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." ~Lamentations 3:25-26

One idea that has been transformative for me lately has been to realize that "I" am not a brunette who is about 5'7", still carrying leftover baby weight, with size 8 feet, who wears glasses. "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." While it is possible for me to have a twin who is completely identical on the outside, my soul is the unique inner part that can be turned Godward or selfward... it's the part that the bulk of Scripture is concerned with.

The person who gripes when dirty clothes don't get picked up... the person who loves to learn new things and take on new projects... the person who yells when frustrated... the person who goes deep and wants to understand and know my friends... the person who loves to snuggle and giggle with my kiddos... the person who has a tendency to be cynical and causticly sarcastic... the person who really does, in her inmost parts, want to be like Jesus... that is me.

My soul is the part of me that can RUN TO or run away from God.

I am not "the things I do", but the things I do contribute more to me than the things I wear. "I" am the gal on the inside... it's what makes me me.

It's not that it's bad to take time to look nice. But we can all too easily confuse these external things -- the clothes or makeup we wear, the car we drive, the kind of house we select, the way we decorate it-- with who we really are. While it is possible to have these things reflect who we are, our soul IS who we really are. And it's the part of us that is eternal.

We spend so much time and money on external, temporary things, and yet we often neglect the one thing that will be ours for eternity-- our souls. God wants to sanctify our souls, and we partner with Him through prayer and obedience in order to submit to that process of sanctification.

Is this challenging for you too? Maybe it's just me... that could totally be the case. :) But maybe this shifts some things in your head like it did for me... does it change anything for you to remember & focus in on the eternal and significant nature of your soul?

Any thoughts you'd like to share?

Bible image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Woman image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Weight, Women & the Human Soul

Now that Moses is weaned, I'm thinking more carefully about getting my body to a healthy weight and shape again. I noticed more with him than I ever had before (with my other 4 babies) that any "trying" to lose weight significantly affected my milk supply. Thus, I put off any real efforts to lose weight (aside from just making good choices, like following the No S "diet") until I weaned my little man. Well, that happened last week.

So last Monday, my mom and I joined Weight Watchers and will work together and hold each other accountable. She's lost 54 pounds with WW before (a subsequent injury and the business of life caught up with her and she's gained it back), and I'm excited about it because it's just thinking carefully while eating real food and living real life. I don't have to buy special food; I don't have to change the kinds of meals I eat (i.e., suddenly supplement 2 meals a day with a shake or something). Choosing meals thoughtfully, with goals in mind, will likely lead to short-term weight loss and long-term weight maintenance while helping me to be more healthy and intentional in the process.

It's been interesting to me to live out this last year of not doing ANYTHING to lose weight, feeling not always thrilled with pictures of myself, having been asked multiple times if I'm pregnant (my baby weight just basically hung on for dear life), and knowing that I'm heavier than I've ever been not-pregnant. America is a very interesting place-- with a mixture of everything from quite obese people to those who are unhealthy in their relationship with food by not eating enough. And the pressures on young women to be sexy, toned, busty, thin, and ___insert description here___, all while going through the demanding season of raising young children are all around us-- magazines, comments from old ladies in the church, television, and internet ads, and they can overwhelm any sense of reason or balance on this issue of weight.

I guess I just want to encourage others out there who are in a difficult place with your weight. Do what you can do be healthy, but do not let the American cultural focus on size 6, 36-26-36, perfect bikini body, yada-yada-yada get you down. Be healthy; take care of your body-- it's the temple of God. But do not raise up this goal and let it become idolatry.

If you are pregnant, or nursing a baby, or taking care of little ones, your time is limited and your body has been affected by these things. And that is OK. Balance and PERSPECTIVE are needful at times like that. There are seasons in a woman's life, and some seasons afford more time and energy than others. And the great news is: even at times when you don't have time to care for your body, you always have time to pray and care for your soul and grow in godliness.

"While bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds the promise for the present life and also for the life to come." ~1 Timothy 4:8

The Bible says that bodily exercise profits a little. Just last week, I went to a funeral, and was reminded once again- this body is only a part of me. My SOUL is the unique inner part that will not die. I don't need to ignore my physical health, but most of my focus and energy should be tasked toward making my soul healthy and beautiful, not focused on making my body healthy and beautiful.

"The LORD sees not as man sees:

man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."

Do not let a number on a scale or a measurement on a measuring tape obscure the larger aims God has set for your life: Love God. Love others. Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. Bodily exercises profits a little, but strive most to grow in godliness.

Muffin image: Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Scale image: sundayhill / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #25

Jumping right in...

1. What a week. This week began, first thing Sunday morning, with the news that a friend's baby had passed away. It was anticipated, as he'd been diagnosed with a rare disease several months ago, but still shocking. I've never seen a casket so small, or a face so very sad. There are no words to speak at times like that, which is a good thing because most of the time, the person grieving doesn't want to hear our words anyhow. "I'm sorry" is all I could find to say; I knew that to say much more would just increase the likelihood of inserting my foot into my mouth.
   
   I'm reminded of Molly Piper, who has blogged quite a bit about grief, out of her own sorrows. If you have a friend hurting after a miscarriage or the death of a child, her writings may give you some food for thought.
   
   
2. It doesn't take much to delight our kiddos. Sometimes all we have to do is break out of our "norm". Last week, I found huge pads of construction paper for $1.00 each, and last night, I bought some glue sticks on the cheap in a back-to-school sale. We sat today at the table for nearly an hour, cutting and gluing, drawing and cutting, laughing and imagining, and it was so easy. I'm not a "crafty" type mom... we don't have googly eyes and markers and fuzzy little pom poms in neat little drawers in some craft closet. But just doing that one thing out of our normal m.o. was pretty thrilling for the kids, and gave us a fun, stress-free afternoon. I'm left wondering why I don't do things like that more often.
   
   
3. Just got a Kindle! Yeah!!! Can't wait to use it.
   
   
4. I asked Doug to change the passwords to my Facebook and online forums for the present time, so that I will not be able to access them. I've been spending too much time like an idle woman, running from place to place, watching or weighing in on other people's lives, and not engaged fully in my own. So I think until October, I'll limit myself to e-mail and a little bit of blogging.
   
   
5. My mom and I joined Weight Watchers on Monday, and will be doing it together. I'm enjoying the plan... basically just planning what I put in my mouth a little more carefully, and keeping track of it all. I'm glad to be doing this with my mom.
   
   
6. I'm planning a shower for my sister-in-law (it'll be their first baby, and my first niece!), and this week, I made centerpieces for the baby shower. I'm kind of excited about them- I used a variety of glass vases like they send with flower arrangements, and then filled them up with fun-colored baby bath toys, pacifiers, onesies, bath products, teethers, etc. A cheerful ribbon tied around each pulls them together. They turned out so cute!
   
   
7. Today, I read an extremely helpful article for discerning the hidden motivations of our own hearts, and any idols we've erected that we lean on or look to or desire in place of God. It's called, "X-Ray Questions", and it was one of the assigned readings for my class.
   
   It's about a 10-page article, so you should be prepared to take some time with it, but I'd highly recommend it; I found it heart-probing and helpful. These 35 questions are written in such a way that you can use them to discover what the motivations are in your life, or in a particular situation in your life. It would be a great thing to go through prayerfully with your Bible open, as he suggests certain passages for each question. I hope it will challenge others as it has me.

Have a great weekend!

Soul Care #1: Meeting Our Needs, Nurturing Our Souls

I'm reading a book called "Embracing Soul Care" and finding it to be extremely valuable as I sort through what led to a season of discouragement and exhaustion I hit last winter. I'd like to share some helpful points from it, in hopes that it might encourage or help someone else. First, a quote from the author and former pastor, Stephen W. Smith:

"I had preached that the soul needs to be saved, but I didn't know what to do with it after that. I'd hated books about soul care. They meant slowing down and measuring myself by something other than church-growth figures and my salary. Those books asked me to look inside, to pay attention to my soul, and to find my identity in God...

"Rather than care for my soul, I long tried to fill myself through effort and socially acceptable achievements. ... through some difficult experiences I learned that my soul is not an "it." My soul is me--the real me. Your soul is the real you...

"Like a hamster, I got on a wheel and ran and ran. [After I snapped], wreckage flew everywhere as my soul collapsed in upon itself...

"I realized then that unless I actually 'did' what matters most, I would keep on imploding, ruining my life and the lives of those I loved. This journey of exploring what matters most in life is the journey of soul care. I'm still on this journey. I have not arrived."

When I began reading this book, it was a wake-up call for me. I have not yet reached a point of soul implosion, but I don't want to. Too many people are depending on me. I want to be sure to thoughtfully nurture my own heart while walking this road of intentional, heartfelt motherhood.

And maybe that's the case for you, too. We've all seen the cases on the news of mothers who let everything implode... and while there are often many factors, it seems that the implosion often happens because the mother just tried to keep going, despite being mightily unhealthy. These women try to keep putting one foot in front of the other while being unhealthy spiritually, mentally, and/or emotionally... and it spills over into harmful behavior or choices.

We could take this too far, of course, and make "me time" and self-examination an unhealthy focus in our lives. But I think we should try to find a place of balance: not navel-gazing egotism, but also not running ourselves ragged meeting everyone's needs but our own.

I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:

"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb

Soul care requires our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman" and not taking care of your own needs? Have these quotes highlighted any areas of "drought" in your life? Is this an area that needs your focus, so that you don't end up (like the author wrote) "imploding", ruining your life and the life of everyone you love?

I write this not as some sort of scare tactic, but as a real concern for real moms out there who want to take on the world but forget to care for their own souls. I hope we can learn to walk in balance, both trusting God to meet our needs, but also doing what we can with what we have to stay healthy and nurtured as well.

Thoughts? I welcome your discussion.

Tree image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tree in hand: markuso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Seeking Wise Counsel

There are some things Doug and I aren't great at, or have flubbed over the years. We're lousy at keeping our master bedroom clean, and we have made some short-sighted financial decisions that cost us more than a pretty penny.

But one thing we've (in my opinion) done well over the last 11 years of marriage is that we regularly seek wise counsel.

Of course we read Scripture, and seek to line up our lives with what we find there, and we don't just fly off and talk to large swathes of people before talking things through together just the two of us.

But we have found it extremely valuable to proactively pursue the advice and counsel of godly people God has put in our lives.

SEEK!

We actively ask for the input of people we respect and love, that are farther down life's roads than we are. If we're talking about parenting issues, we listen to people whose parenting we've watched and admired. If we're talking about life decisions, we talk to people who are wise and who live thoughtfully and intentionally. Sometimes we'll read an article, listen to a sermon online, or talk to similar-aged peers about it, but honestly, that's not often. We've just gained so much by seeking out the godly counsel of wise believers, that it's become a regularly-walked path in our lives.

For example, when I received a perplexing and very important letter from a friend a couple years ago, and didn't know how to respond, I talked it over with Doug, we gave it some thought, and then I called Angie, my dear friend and wise mentor. She offered some really great insights and helped me to walk through the issue in a way that led to the continuance of a peaceful relationship with that friend. When Doug & I have weighed job decisions, we make time to talk with friends around the world who have shown themselves to have godly priorities, who consistently make wise choices with their lives. Their advice has been so relevant and so helpful; we always walk away with something to consider or discuss.

We don't just have these conversations if we happen to be around them... we intentionally choose to ask for input, and deliberately seek it out from friends we respect.

WISE

One thing to consider is where you're getting your advice... sometimes a group of young moms can end up talking circles around something, whereas a mom with a couple decades of experience can put that same issue in perspective quite easily. Sometimes we miss big Truths because we're getting input and advice from people who are just as clueless as we ourselves are. So, I'd encourage you, in your decisions, to seek out people who have proven themselves wise... not over weeks or months, but over years and decades. Don't just seek a stamp of approval for what you are wanting to do... talk with godly friends before decisions are made, and go into these conversations with an open mind!

Ask-- what is the likely "fruit" of following the advice of the person(s) I'm listening to? Remember that old saying, "consider the source"... a bunch of moms on an internet message board may or may not have good advice, but if you carefully watch two or three moms in real life, and you see their children in living color, you can much more easily discern the value of the advice they're dishing out, for good or for ill.

Be discerning as to where your advice/decision-making process is coming from. Are you simply "following your gut"? Are your priorities coming from Scripture? Is your advice coming out of culture? Is it coming from wise, godly counselors? Think carefully about what is influencing the decisions you make.

COUNSEL

Reaching out to, and implementing the advice of, wise counselors has been a significant part of our married life... some of our very best friends are people who have proven themselves to be wise advisors. Sometimes life gets messy, or you're so deep in the midst of a problem that you can't see your way out. It is such a gift to have trusted people to whom you can turn when things get murky, and that's a benefit of the Body of Christ. We can turn to people within the Body and learn from one another!

AND AFTER YOU SEEK WISE COUNSEL...

Pray, talk things over with your spouse, parents, or trusted friends, and see what God would have you do. At the end of the day, counsel is just counsel. No one else can make a decision for you or live your life for you... so, once you've sought out wise counselors, and they've offered you insight, prayers, and advice, you still have to walk forward, ultimately, with prayer and in faith.

I don't want to overstate the importance of godly friends and counselors, and yet, I think it's extremely beneficial and biblical to have a number of wise, experienced, advice-givers in life.

The Bible has a lot to say about counsel. I'll close by sharing some verses:

• "The fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." ~Proverbs 12:15
• "Who is this who darkens counsel without knowledge?" ~Job 38:2~ (This if from God, talking to Job. It is a serious thing when counsel is offered without knowledge to back it up... and yet, it happens all the time-- we must be discerning to the advice we heed!)
• "Jonathan, David's uncle, was a counselor, being a man of understanding..."~1 Chronicles 27
• "Listen to advice, and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." ~Proverbs 19:20
• "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked..." ~Psalm 1:1
• "I bless the LORD Who gives me counsel..." ~Psalm 16:7
• "In an abundance of counselors there is safety." ~Proverbs 11:14
• "The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel." ~Proverbs 27:9
• "His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor..." ~Isaiah 9:6

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #24

Hope you had a good week; we sure did-

1. We just got tons of shots and bloodwork done over the last few days. My left arm really hurts, but wow, the kids did great. The nurses went wild over their self-control and interest in watching all the medical stuff, even in the midst of their own pain... I think there is great value in teaching our kids to be realistic about pain (that it will hurt, but that we can get over it after the initial pain) and self-controlled in their reaction to it. We all benefit from a realistic perspective and a healthy dose of self-control, and docs and nurses greatly appreciate it from children!
   
   
2. We have officially moved into the phase with Moses where I feel like I'm constantly walking around following his every move. It seems like this doesn't normally start so early, but maybe I'm forgetting. These times really pass so quickly, and I'm thankful to know that, because otherwise, I might lose my mind or give in and not bother. :) But it's so worth it to help them learn the "norms" of a home. No, we don't pull random papers off of tables or countertops... we leave remote controls alone... we don't eat plants... we don't shove marbles in our mouths. :) These things take time, but it's so worth it.
   
   Just to prove I don't always do this well, take a look at this picture to the right... Moses got up on a dining room chair and went nuts with a piece of jelly toast. :) He's a smart little sneaker.
   
   
3. Ethan made some corn muffins this week to go with dinner one night, and was so proud of himself. And I was proud of him too. This growing up stuff isn't always easy, and sometimes we get emotional about it as moms, but it's so awesome to see them take on projects and succeed!
   
   
4. I'm LOVING the counseling class I'm taking... already, I can see how it is going to be helpful for me as a person, to sort through the issues of life more biblically and intentionally. It is so helpful to be challenged and encouraged in ways that contribute to spiritual growth as well as effectiveness within the Body of Christ.
   
   
5. Having already asked on Facebook and on an internet message board, I might as well ask here-- any thoughts on a Kindle vs. just saving up for an iPad and using the Kindle app? And don't suggest the Nook- I know it's cheaper, but it's not good technology for overseas use, and I've heard that dozens of times over from ex-pat friends, so if I go with an e-reader, it's going to be one of these options. I welcome your thoughts and suggestions.
   
   
6. I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:

   "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb

   I think as Christian moms, trying to take care of so many different people, soul care is worthy of our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman", not taking care of your own needs? There will come a time of burn-out unless we walk hand-in-hand with the Father, letting Him meet our needs as we reach out to love the people around us.
   
   
   Let me encourage you to make time to take care of the part of you that is eternal-- your soul. Nurture it through reading your Bible, spending time talking through your issues before the Father and with people within the Body of Christ too. Take time to learn and grow as a person made in the image of God. Don't just mindlessly walk through routines or assume a "role". Let God do His work in you; submit yourself to His beautiful sanctification!
   
   
7. Here's a great point I read recently, about the way we talk about the Old Testament law--

   "We forget that the 'law of Moses' includes teachings like this: 'The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness and faithfulness, Who keeps lovingkindness for thousands of generations..."

   God is so good to us, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Sometimes we hear nonsense about the "God of the Old Testament" being different... but God is God. His holiness and judgment stand as they always have (which is why we are so thankful to and obedient toward Christ), and His love never ends.

You can check out more "7 Quick Takes" @ Jennifer's Conversion Diary. Have a great weekend.

Thoughts Upon Weaning

At some point this week, I will nurse my precious, funny Moses-man for the last time.

Doug & I have a trip planned for just the 2 of us (first time in about 8 years), and so I've been slowly winding down our nursing relationship.

It's so bittersweet when these moments of dependence and togetherness come to a close. It's so precious to see their little baby-neediness, at a time when they are also asserting their independence through walking, eating more independently, and such.

God has designed this special way for mothers and babies to be connected with each other and need one another. Breastfeeding is not always possible, but it is such a wonderful design from our loving Father, to bond mothers to babies and babies to mothers. I'm so thankful for this last year of spending time knowing, learning the ways of, and loving my little Moses Henry.

If you are a pregnant mom thinking about breastfeeding, I want to encourage you that while those early nursing sessions can seem long, and while there often are painful moments to persevere through, the first year is so short. It's such a small thing we can give to our babies, and yet God has designed us as moms with this gift to give. God's unique design is still far better than anything men have created to try to replace it. Consider nursing, and consider committing to nurse at least to the one-year mark.

The World Health Organization has this to say about breastfeeding:

WHO can now say with full confidence that breastfeeding reduces child mortality and has health benefits that extend into adulthood. On a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life is the recommended way of feeding infants, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond.

Breastmilk is the natural first food for babies, it provides all the energy and nutrients that the infant needs for the first months of life, and it continues to provide up to half or more of a child’s nutritional needs during the second half of the first year, and up to one-third during the second year of life.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:

How long should I breastfeed my baby?

The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby.

I truly am thankful I've been able to nurse each of our 5 children to at least a year old... with my oldest son, he nursed just past 12 months, our second son nursed to 13 & 1/2 months, our daughter was weaned at 14 months, and Silas nursed until he was 18 months old.

Moses just celebrated his 1st birthday, is now walking in his little stumbly, disjointed way, and soon will be completely weaned... it's a wonderful time of growth and a sobering point of independence in his young life.

I want to publicly express my joy, and a bit of bittersweet sadness, that this time is now coming to a close.

Sometimes you hear the stories of early pain, infections, or difficulties with breastfeeding, but we don't often hear the stories of just how precious this relationship is... dependence, connectedness, and shared moments of silence and met needs. It is so sweet to have him contentedly curl up next to me and be satisfied at a time when he is also very physically mobile. To know that he still counts this time with me as a worthwhile time to slow down, snuggle, and have his needs met is meaningful to me. Each time I've weaned a baby, I've felt this bittersweet sense of awareness that they are indeed growing up, and I am very grateful to have this milestone to celebrate.

Be encouraged, pregnant or nursing mom, that it is worth it to press on if you can, to meet your baby's needs in this way. It is worth it!

Irritability

Ouch! It stung when I read it, and it still stings:

"Even the 'little' sins, like complaining or irritability, expunge the LORD from events in His universe." ~David Powlison, "Suffering & Psalm 119"

Expunge meaning, of course:

"to strike or blot out, erase, obliterate"

Ouch again!

So I wanted to explore this idea-- that by being irritable, I am removing, erasing, and obliterating God from the the events in my life. Because lately, I've been irritable. Not to everyone around me, but with certain individuals. And in each instance, I have my "reasons" for why I'm on edge around that person, so while I knew it wasn't necessarily 100% *right* for me to be on edge, I've justified it in my own mind.

A few days ago, I came across the phrase "habitual prickliness" as a description of how we get in a rut of irritable interactions with certain people. What a convicting and apt description... I am absolutely guilt of operating under a state of "habitual prickliness."

I did a search for "irritable" in Scripture, and found just one mention of the word itself-- in the "Love chapter"-- 1 Corinthians 13. It says, "Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful." So when I'm being irritable, and particularly when I'm being irritable towards certain people, I'm not loving those people.

This website offers a list of applicable Bible verses for many topics (what a great idea!). Here are some passages I found helpful from their list on the topic, "Irritable":

• If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (1 Corinthians 13: 1-13)
  
  
• A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (Proverbs 29:11)
  
  
• The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)
  
  
• Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, (Colossians 3:12)
  
  
• Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4)
  
  
• You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. (Leviticus 19:18)

So, to look at the negative implications of these verses for contrast, when I am being irritable, I am:

• not loving
• a fool
• not living by the Spirit
• not "putting on" Godly character qualities
• not walking worthy of God's calling on my life
• disobeying the LORD

OUCH again. These things affirm what Powlison wrote... that by being irritable, I am removing God from my life. When irritable, I am not loving (He is love). When irritable, I am a fool (He is all wise). When irritable, I am not living by God's Spirit. When irritable, I am not putting on God's character qualities. When irritable, I am not walking in step with God's call on my life. When irritable, I am disobeying the LORD (master) of my life.

What Powlison said is true, and I want to remember it:

"Even the 'little' sins, like complaining or irritability, expunge the LORD from events in His universe." ~David Powlison, "Suffering & Psalm 119"

Help me, LORD, not to be irritable, not to make excuses, and not to justify my sin. Help me to love other people, even and especially the people with whom I am most likely to feel/be irritated. If anyone reading this with me is also struggling with this, help him or her as well to not give in to being irritable. Help us to honor you instead of giving full vent to our irritated attitudes.

Thank you for giving us strength to choose wisdom. Help us to quietly hold back ugly responses. Remind us to "put on" patience and gentleness each day. Teach us to not hold grudges. Instead, help us to remember that you are the LORD, and that You alone judge rightly, and that Your example to us is as one who lavishly forgives and loves.

Thank you for being the only God Who enters into our lives and walks with us. Thank you for not giving up on us & our irritable, sinful attitudes. You are indeed gracious and loving, and we long to be more like You. Amen.

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7 Quick Takes Friday - #23

I love this weekly time to get random thoughts and pictures. I think today will be primarily quote and links I like--

1. Moms of kids ages 3-8, do you know about Starfall.com? I used this website with Ethan, back when he was learning letters, etc., and then it fell by the wayside. Someone recommended it again recently, and so I opened it back up and both my 7 year old and 5 year old are enjoying it immensely! For everything from early letter sounds to nearly-ready-for-chapter-books, it's a great tool for motivating your young learners, reinforcing phonics skills, and advancing in reading ability.
   
   
2. Interesting thoughts from Sheila @ To Love, Honor & Vacuum: "Sometimes when we think about all this "modesty" stuff, I think we do it without male input. We say we're trying to protect men by not being tempting, but I wonder how many of the wives have ever asked their husbands honestly if they like the "sack" look, or if they would prefer that their wives be a little more attractive? I think many women get caught up in this "modesty" movement online, and in their little cliques, and they barge right ahead without asking the guys."
   
   There's a good discussion in the comments, too. Read more of Sheila's article: "Modesty Should Not Mean Dowdy".
   
   
3. "If the US Government was a family, they would be making $58,000 a year, they spend $75,000 a year, & have $327,000 in credit card debt. They are currently proposing BIG spending cuts to reduce their spending to $72,000 a year. These are the actual proportions of the federal budget & debt, reduced to a level that we can understand." ~Dave Ramsey (Yikes!)
   
   
4. Check out this list: 25 Ways to Provoke Our Children to Anger-- the most convicting for me was "Scolding". I have a tendency to get frustrated and want to lecture. I need to keep that in check. Sometimes a discussion is in order, but sometimes I just need to quickly correct, then forgive and move on.
   
   
5. In evangelical circles, we don't use or hear the concept/term "spiritual director", but Jennifer's post about 6 basic questions her spiritual director often asks is very helpful. The more I'm reading and learning about personal "soul care", the more I believe that questions like these are critical for self-evaluation and truly meeting our own needs so that we're able to serve others gladly.
   
   
6. On that same note, Catherine had a pithy post highlighting the idea we get from our culture that encourages us to believe that we are only "being ourselves" when we are doing things that are fun or relaxing. Sometimes "being yourself" means doing the really hard things, making the truly difficult sacrifice, or flat out not having fun. Really, it's short-- you should read it.
   
   
7. I just started a counseling class this week, and am enjoying the way it's complementing the things I've been learning and reading lately. I'm excited to consider how God might be asking me to change and grow in this next season of life.

Check out more "7 Quick Takes" here.

Impacting Eternity

I just found this unpublished post, dated 6/30/2010, less than 2 weeks before our 5th child was born. I don't recall why I didn't post it at the time, maybe because I wasn't posting as often back then, but I'll share it now. Since he just turned a year old, I'll share photos of our little Moses Henry enjoying his birthday cupcake. :)

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(Written 6/30/2010)

...I've just been pondering these thoughts these last weeks, as I wait for little Moses to arrive... I don't know if they'll come out disorganized, but I just wanted to share.

It's hit me more with this baby than with any other just how amazing it is to wait for labor to kick in. Not just the finding out of the gender, if you wait to find out, or the learning of the size/weight/length data. Not just the first sight of that precious face, or those sweet early moments when "HE/SHE is HERE!!!", or the first feedings or special moments with siblings. Not just the early months of figuring out this new little person, or the parenting of him/her throughout their formative years.

But the fact that THIS IS AN ETERNAL SOUL!


I'm about to meet someone who will impact my life, and the lives of the people closest to me, for the rest of our lives-- AND BEYOND! For all of eternity, the things we do together, learn together, live together, and believe together will bring wisdom and joy, and ultimately, praise to the Father who created us all!

I'm about to meet someone who will teach me things I never would have known otherwise... and someone for whom I will be responsible. Because of him, I will grow in ways I would not otherwise grow.

I'm about to meet someone who will bring depth of joy and delight to my husband, my children, and our extended family and friends-- he will enrich the lives of the people I love most!

I'm about to meet someone who will have a unique fingerprint, a unique personality, and a unique perspective through which the rest of us can learn a bit more of what it means to be "made in the image of God".

I'm about to meet someone the world has never seen, and would not be the same without.

Like millions of mothers before me, I'm about to meet my son. But like no other mother in the world, I'm about to meet Moses Henry, my son. He is a unique creation of God, unlike any other... a precious, individual soul. For however long I live, for however long he lives, our lives will be intertwined. We will live and learn together and, I pray, both grow more like Jesus in the process.

I am just so excited to meet him. What a pleasure to do something with such enormous ETERNAL impact!

"Me Time", Burnout, and Jesus' Example

In the last decade, there's been a clamoring for women to embrace and seek out "me time". Especially moms. Oprah has promoted it, parenting magazines write about it, and online forums debate its merits. I've spent time thinking about the concept over the last few years, wondering in my own mind if it is a biblical concept or not.

It is tempting to take a black-and-white approach: embrace the concept entirely, or throw it out entirely.

BALANCE

And here's what I've come to think about "me time": we women have to be balanced and unbiased as we examine our lives and determine what our needs are, and then we need to work to meet our own needs as we meet the needs of others. Sometimes, from secular sources, we can hear voices that tell us to put ourselves first, and to seek self-fulfillment as we walk through life. At the same time, we sometimes "hear" from Christian sources about "self-denial" or "taking up our cross" and can wrongly infer that we are never to take time to meet our own needs.

So, on the one hand, we may be tempted to put too much stock in our own self-- seeking our own fulfillment and happiness at the expense of others that God has given us responsibility for or responsibility to. On the other hand, we may be tempted to be proverbial doormats, falsely believing that anything we desire or need is automatically selfish and that if we seek to meet those needs, we would be displeasing to God.

WHAT SCRIPTURE SHOWS US

The Bible tells us to, "love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF" (Lev. 19:18, 34; Mt. 19:19; Mt. 22:39; Rom 13:9), the implication, of course, being that we know how to and do love ourselves. The assumption here is that we meet our own needs and care for our own souls... this is to be an example for us as we seek to love others-- we should show them the same concern that we show for our own selves.

The example of Jesus also speaks volumes to us as we seek to rightly balance the call of "me time" with true soul care. Many times in Scripture Jesus sought time alone to pray:

• Just after miraculously feeding the thousands, Jesus is found praying alone. (Luke 9:18)
• When troubled and with a heavy heart, Jesus removed Himself even from His closest friends and spent time alone with the Father in prayer in Gethsemane. (Matt. 26: 36-39)
• In the midst of a heavy season of ministry, Jesus rose "very early in the morning, while it was still dark" to go to a "desolate place" for prayer and solitude, and yet left the solitude to continue on in ministry. (Mark 1:35-38)
• In Luke's version of the scene of Jesus & His disciples praying at Gethsemane, we get this added bit of information: "he came out and went, as was His custom". He habitually spent time in solitude and prayer. (Luke 22:39)
• In one particularly demanding time, Jesus got away by Himself, but when the crowds followed Him anyway with their demands, He "had compassion on them" and met their needs. (Matt. 14:13-14)

SEASONS OF WOMANHOOD

As women and as mothers, there are varying seasons.

Younger women, not yet married, or those without children, have varying degrees of "free" time or opportunities for quiet.

Many of you are in the earliest years of motherhood, with one baby, or with several little ones, all of whom require your full attention. I understand it can be very difficult to find time for solitude during that stage!

I myself am in a middle stage-- with elementary age kids down to our baby-- and I can sometimes make time for solitude, but have very rare opportunities for silence. I'm in a noisy season, for sure, and it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon.

My best friend is 42, and is in a different stage than I. Her 5 kids range from 12-21, and she has much more time for quiet contemplation and study than I currently do. She's busy, running from here to there, but she has much more solitude and silence.

My own mother has a quiet home, as my brother and I are both adults with our own families, and yet she has a massive workload, with many demands on her time, so while she has "quiet", she doesn't have much time.

"EXAMINE YOURSELVES"

We are always adjusting from one season to another, and I think we need to examine ourselves thoughtfully. The Bible encourages us to soberly assess our lives. Some of us tend toward self-denial (even to the detriment of our health & sanity-- think of mothers who have mental breakdowns), and some of us tend toward self-gratification (even to the detriment of our family & budget-- think of mothers who rack up debt, ruin their marriages, or hurt their children in their pursuit for self-fulfillment)... we each have to examine our own hearts and search out what is true, and what God would have us do.

When we examine ourselves, we may find sinful motivations, but we will also uncover genuine needs.

I am not able to tell you your needs, and you are likely not able to tell me mine... but we all have One to Whom we can run who knows us perfectly. And amazingly, He Himself knows our weaknesses! And He can help us discern when we are being wrongly selfish, and when we are foolishly burning ourselves out.

As a human man, Jesus felt physically exhausted. Christ-- The Messiah-- Himself needed to get away for prayer and solitude! And then there were times when He put aside His own desire for solitude in order to have compassion on and serve others. We can trust Him to help us as we seek to rightly assess our needs.

Think about what your needs really are... ask God to show you. If you are in a season of high demands, you will need to think more carefully about how to meet your own needs than someone who is in a less-demanding season. On airplanes, they tell you to "put on your own oxygen mask before you seek to help others", and I think for moms in the throes of high-demand seasons, that is a very wise piece of advice. Today, I read this (from a book, "Embracing Soul Care"):

"It is alarming how often leaders crash and burn... burnout is also the hazard of parents, medical practitioners... and anyone who cares for the needs of others. Many of us... don't know when to let ourselves breathe first. ... We want to see other people breathe so badly that we neglect our own air, falsely assuming that we'll take a breath when it's needed. The result is incredible stress, compassion fatigue, and emotional exhaustion."

Don't burn yourself out when there are little ones depending on you!

And on the other hand, we look at Christ's sacrificing of Himself for others and know there is beauty in denial of self.

SO, WHAT ABOUT "ME TIME"?

My encouragement to you is to remember both truths: Jesus Himself got away and refueled during the difficult seasons of His life... and yet, Jesus sacrificed Himself for others when He saw their needs.

Examine your life thoughtfully, and see if there are needs going unmet in a way that is going to lead to burnout and exhaustion. If so, consider how you might better "feed" your soul. Is there a time you can carve out to spend time in solitude, go for a prayer walk, read your Bible, or get some exercise in, so that you are refueling in healthy ways?

For those who tend towards too much "me time", look around you and see where God might stir up compassion in your heart for the needy people around you. Just as Jesus spent time refueling and then was willing to lay aside His solitude for the benefit of others, consider how He might use your "plenty" to overflow into the needs of others.

May He give us all wisdom as we seek to find balance in our lives, love others, and honor Christ above all!

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