Jumping right in...
- What a week. This week began, first thing Sunday morning, with the news that a friend's baby had passed away. It was anticipated, as he'd been diagnosed with a rare disease several months ago, but still shocking. I've never seen a casket so small, or a face so very sad. There are no words to speak at times like that, which is a good thing because most of the time, the person grieving doesn't want to hear our words anyhow. "I'm sorry" is all I could find to say; I knew that to say much more would just increase the likelihood of inserting my foot into my mouth.
I'm reminded of Molly Piper, who has blogged quite a bit about grief, out of her own sorrows. If you have a friend hurting after a miscarriage or the death of a child, her writings may give you some food for thought.
- It doesn't take much to delight our kiddos. Sometimes all we have to do is break out of our "norm". Last week, I found huge pads of construction paper for $1.00 each, and last night, I bought some glue sticks on the cheap in a back-to-school sale. We sat today at the table for nearly an hour, cutting and gluing, drawing and cutting, laughing and imagining, and it was so easy. I'm not a "crafty" type mom... we don't have googly eyes and markers and fuzzy little pom poms in neat little drawers in some craft closet. But just doing that one thing out of our normal m.o. was pretty thrilling for the kids, and gave us a fun, stress-free afternoon. I'm left wondering why I don't do things like that more often.
- Just got a Kindle! Yeah!!! Can't wait to use it.
- I asked Doug to change the passwords to my Facebook and online forums for the present time, so that I will not be able to access them. I've been spending too much time like an idle woman, running from place to place, watching or weighing in on other people's lives, and not engaged fully in my own. So I think until October, I'll limit myself to e-mail and a little bit of blogging.
- My mom and I joined Weight Watchers on Monday, and will be doing it together. I'm enjoying the plan... basically just planning what I put in my mouth a little more carefully, and keeping track of it all. I'm glad to be doing this with my mom.
- I'm planning a shower for my sister-in-law (it'll be their first baby, and my first niece!), and this week, I made centerpieces for the baby shower. I'm kind of excited about them- I used a variety of glass vases like they send with flower arrangements, and then filled them up with fun-colored baby bath toys, pacifiers, onesies, bath products, teethers, etc. A cheerful ribbon tied around each pulls them together. They turned out so cute!
- Today, I read an extremely helpful article for discerning the hidden motivations of our own hearts, and any idols we've erected that we lean on or look to or desire in place of God. It's called, "X-Ray Questions", and it was one of the assigned readings for my class.
It's about a 10-page article, so you should be prepared to take some time with it, but I'd highly recommend it; I found it heart-probing and helpful. These 35 questions are written in such a way that you can use them to discover what the motivations are in your life, or in a particular situation in your life. It would be a great thing to go through prayerfully with your Bible open, as he suggests certain passages for each question. I hope it will challenge others as it has me.
Have a great weekend!
4 comments:
So sorry for your friend. I have lost a little one, shortly after she was born, full term. To be honest, though my husband and I *knew* she might not make it, it's still the hardest thing we have ever gone through-- but in likeness to David, there was grieving when we were living in the unknown, but understood once God spoke, the child will not be with us, but we shall go to "him" one day--(2Sam 12).
I would like to encourage you, Jess, to talk to your friend. The time when I lost my baby girl was the loneliest times I have ever felt in my life, and it was because no one wanted to say the "wrong" thing, and to be honest, you just want to know someone is there, and cares... CS Lewis once said, (in A Grief Observed: http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381 ) the if only people would just talk about him, not necessarily *to* him, but the clamor was comforting, "don''t talk about me, I know I lost my beloved, but just be around" was the idea of what he wrote (I highly recommend the book, to comprehend deep grief, and to *get* what some people go through-- it's very raw, and eye opening). So, all this to say, that I am 4.5 years past losing my daughter, and I still grieve with the weight of that loneliness, because, no one was there, so I can't go back and "reflect" with them, to say I am having a bad day. (Good thing the Lord knows my heart, because I would be sunk if He didn't).
If you ever want to pick my brain as to how to be there, without being "annoying" please feel free to email me! (really, I mean it, you and I have sent emails back and forth before, so take a look at the return address, and send me a message!)
Lastly, you are so encouraging to me, the other day I was feeling kind of bummed because I am finished weaning my 15 month old, and lo and behold, the day I was feeling most down, was indeed the day you wrote your post about weaning your little Moses-- I just wanted to say, thank you for pouring yourself out to those of us who read and pay attention to your thoughts and life-song. The Lord is definitely using you to further His glory, I thought you should know this!
have a great night, Jess.
~Jamie
Thanks, Jamie, for the encouragement.
I thought about saying, but didn't, that this is an old youth group friend who I'm still connected with via her sister. I have written, brought food, watched kids, hugged her neck, prayed, and spoken a little to her. Right now she is surrounded by tons of friends and family, but I did think I might put her baby's birthday on my calendar for next year so that I could send her a card and let her know I still remember and will pray for her. Do you think that would be well-received?
Jess,
It surely seems like you are being a very supportive and loving friend! (I shouldn't have thought any less! silly me). I think you have done a tremendous amount for supporting her, she is lucky to have such a sweet person in her midst.
You ask about keeping her baby's birthday on your calendar, I think that is a great thing to have, to be remembered on that day, but also on the day of the baby's passing (if the two aren't the same), because when you have walked that road, that first anniversary can be a huge rush of emotions and the added reminder that someone knows that your pain is still very real, is very comforting!
I might also suggest a sweet note in a month or two. As you probably have experienced, when your pain tends to roll in is when others seem to have lost all contact with you... that is when the true healing/mending/breaking process occurs, and we are all fickle human beings, so we forget-- I think this is why the Lord tells His people constantly "to remember"! but I would make is a conscious effort to send a sweet note in a couple months to say that you have thought of her-- even a drawn picture by your kids would warm her heart.
I hope those ideas help you! I am praying for your friend!
My prayers are with your friend and their family.
Also...Construction paper...I had to laugh...last week we busted it out also...I was kind of at my wits end trying to find something "new" for the kids to do....so we cut it up and glued it on other paper...one of my daughters (age 5) practiced patterns, while another (age 8) made animals out of shapes. It's the little things :)
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