LOVE Your Children With Great AFFECTION! (Trail Blaze #9)

Last week, I wrote about how I stop tantrums lickety-split.

And, make no mistake, I'm an advocate for parental authority & consistent discipline:

• Hone Your 'Mommy Radar'
• When the Person That "Wears the Pants" In the Family is a Size 2T
• 4 Questions To Help You Evaluate Parenting Advice
• Train Them Until You Like Them

But it made me think-- I am coming at these things from a perspective of having GREAT AFFECTION FOR my children, and lavishing GREAT AFFECTION ON my children every day. And, sadly, I am quite certain that not everyone nowadays knows what that looks like.

This greatly affects how parenting advice plays out in the life of a family. Consistent, biblical parenting is meant to be carried out in the context of a loving, affectionate relationship.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR CHILDREN
So let me share some of the *regular* forms of affection I share with my children (currently ages 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 8 months). Most of these are daily, a few might be once/week-type actions or activities:

1. I tell them "good morning" every day, usually with a simple touch to the arm, or while smiling at them and cupping their chin with my hand.
2. We snuggle on the couch together, usually with the child tucked into the crook of my arm.
3. I pat their arm or give them a side hug while we talk.
4. They tell me their jokes. Even if the joke doesn't make sense (which, they mostly *don't* with kids about 7-8 and under), I smile and affirm their efforts.
5. I look them in the eyes and give them my full attention when they speak to me.
6. I try to smile big whenever I see them. This happens tons and tons of times a day.
7. We talk about what is going on in their lives-- big and small. (They show me Lego creations or drawings; I draw out deeper things from my roughly 7 and older crew when I sense that there are undercurrents of feeling left out, discouraged about something in particular, etc.)
8. I get down on the floor and wrestle & play with them, intermingling snuggles, wrestling, hugs, kisses, and laughter. I play knee bouncy games with the 7 & under crew, where they bounce on my raised legs, or where I even lift them up, cheerleader style, so they're standing on my hands (when they get older it's just too much for my hands and knees).
9. We share meals together where I sit down with them and we pray, talk, memorize Scripture together, laugh, comment about how cute their little brother is, etc.
10. One or two of them might meander into my bedroom for a snuggle first thing in the morning before we get up, bleary-eyed.
11. I shower them with kisses. This decreases in frequency as they get older.
12. I hug them often. This does not decrease in frequency.
13. We laugh together.
14. I tickle them & they ask for more tickles. (I always stop if they ask me to "stop," and they all love to be tickled. I *think* this is because they know I will not exceed their boundaries in this area. They can always say "stop" and I will, immediately.)
15. I zuburt them, and they ask for more zuburts. (After finding that link, I realize that I've been mispronouncing it-- and misspelling it-- all these years. Oh well.)
16. I rub their backs or give neck/leg massages when they seem sore/tight/achy, or are having growing pains.
17. I ask them questions like, "Do you know how special you are to me?" and "Do you know you're my favorite 9-year-old in the whole wide world?"
18. I respond to their requests to color/build blocks/design a train track/do doll hair *sometimes*. I am not primarily their playmate, but I am willing to play, from time to time, because I love them and want to spend time with them when I am free to do it.
19. They cook with me and I tell them they're doing a good job.
20. We take walks together and hold hands.
21. We dance silly together to fun music like LeCrae.
22. I tell them "I love you" often. 
23. I hug and scratch their backs.
24. We swim and play together outside.
25. I sometimes reach and hold their hand if I am in the front passenger seat and they are in a car seat, or when we are on the couch. 
26. For little babies: I keep them close in slings, sometimes. I kiss their toes, their nose, etc. We play little games where I list out all their body parts, pointing to each one and saying that God made it.
27. I listen to them. Even when it's stuff I'm not necessarily interested in (though this has it's limits. Sometimes mom has a migraine, or is cooking and focused on following a recipe, or needs quiet afternoon time, or whatever. I am not advocating for boundary-less living, but self-sacrificial love will sometimes mean listening to an extensive description of a WWII battle tank, or how our daughter just made up a nonsensical story with her My Little Ponies).
28. I talk to them. We talk about politics, what bill I'm paying and how much it is this month, why I chose to spray paint my writing desk yellow, ideas for how to build a chicken coop, reasons why we opt out of certain things in order to spend more time together as a family, etc.
29. We opt to take one or more children with us when we have an errand to run, even when we don't "have to."
30. We use LOTS of pet names (little squish, sweet potato, doodle, punkin pie, baby man, noodle baby, stinker pie, squishy-ba-dishy, little man-man, snuggle-buggle, precious baby girl, etc.).
31. As they get older (more toward 7-11+), I ask them their opinions about things... we talk about life and the implications of different decisions and I affirm whenever they display any amount of wisdom or insight.
32. I read books to them aloud (yes, even to my oldest son who in youth group).
33. We hug and kiss them goodnight, every night. 
34. We sing songs together, especially at bedtime. (Their favorite, most-requested is "Amazing Grace.")
35. I pray for them, out loud at bedtime, whenever I put them to bed. (Admittedly, bedtime is normally a daddy-duty around here, but whenever I put them to bed, I pray aloud for them.) For all of the children, I pray that they will sleep well, sleep all night, and be refreshed and ready for a new day the next morning. If anyone has been struggling with fear or night-wakings, I thank God that He tells us "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." I verbalize, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You," and ask that He would remove any fear and teach them to trust in Him. I pray for my sons that they will grow up to be honest, honorable, hard-working men who protect the women and children God puts in their lives. I pray that they will prize Scripture and become more like Jesus every day. I pray that they will be kind to one another, patient with their sister, and become servant-hearted men like their daddy. For my daughter, I pray that she will grow to be a woman who loves Jesus and knows Scripture. I pray that she will be a kind-hearted woman who uses her words to encourage and build up others. I pray that she will be a blessing to her brothers. 

One of the few things older Christian women are explicitly commanded to teach younger women is to "love their children." 

This is something that is important to understand... as Christian parents, we are not pursuing the robotic subjection of our children. We are not dictators, and they are not cowering subjects. We are pursuing a loving, affectionate relationship with them, as we train them to obey, coach them through life, teach them what's right, and help them walk in the way they should go.  

LOVING them with GREAT AFFECTION allows us to discipline them with great consistency and confidence, and enjoy life alongside them within the context of a joyful family.

What are ways you show love to your kids that you would add to my list?

FOR FURTHER READING:

• Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney (One of her seven topics is how to cultivate affectionate love for our children.)
• Loving Our Children PART ONE and PART TWO
• The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson
• Labeling VS. Loving
• Beware of Psychobabble Parenting, and Psychobabble Parenting, Part 2

Image courtesy of: StockImages/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #15

Gotta make this quick, lots to do!

1. After the mold problem, and hitting many different dead ends, we decided that instead of committing to an apartment and paying rent on it while we're gone, we'd rather head back to the US a bit earlier than we'd planned. So, we'll be heading back in March, just a matter of weeks! Wahoo! We're all excited to see family & friends, to partake of all the delicious foods Texas has to offer, and see that wide open sky... with lots and lots of grassy fields... once again.
   
   (By the way, I did get all of our family favorite recipes posted, so if you're interested, check them out!)
   
2. Praying with our eyes open. The other day, we got together with a large group of friends and while we were praying for each other, I (of course) had my eyes open, watching Moses since he's now in full "get-into-everything" mode. As I watched him, I noticed that the two other moms of little ones were the only other people in the room with their eyes open as well. It seemed to me to be a very good analogy for this season of life... praying with our eyes open. Seeing the everyday, physical things of life around us while trying to keep mentally focused on eternal, Godward things. Moms of little ones, praying with our eyes open. (I suppose here is where I ruin the analogy though, and admit that I've never really liked closing my eyes during prayer, LOL.)
   
3. Packing up a house isn't a fun thing to do. But I do think it's easier, having sorted and purged regularly-- since we've moved so many times in the last 5 years-- than it would be if we were just doing it for the first time in. Do you sort & purge regularly? It's becoming a way of life for me.
   
4. No S Diet. Sometimes I'm getting discouraged these days, but the other day, I weighed myself and noticed I'm down a bit more. I can't quite remember anymore where I started, but I think I've lost a couple pounds in the last couple weeks. I am noticing huge differences in my amount of self-control, and my cravings for sweet things. I just don't WANT sweets so bad these days... whereas (have I already shared this?), I often normally feel just like Chris Farley in this old SNL skit.
   
5. Style. Culture. "The Latest". Though I love Project Runway & What Not To Wear, I'm not personally a fashion person, but ya know, we've been out of America for basically 5 years, give or take (we were back for 7 months in 2007). So I need your help. Anything you want to share? I finally looked up a Larry King interview with Lady Gaga so I'd know who she is. And it seems like 80's fashion is coming back in style (can I say "yuck!"?). Anything I need to know? Any new things in American culture you want to tell me about so I don't feel so out of sorts?
   
6. I've been wanting to write a few posts lately, and just don't have time- one about how Doug & I came to the decision of me staying at home, even while I was working at a dream job in Washington D.C., another about how to help young kids do well in travel situations (boy have we had experience with that!). I also am remembering that I still need to write up my labor experiences with the last 3 kiddos (sorry I didn't get those written up in time for some of you who live overseas and requested that I do that last year!). One is already half typed up, and I just need to finish it up. Anything else you might put on my suggested writing list? I'm thinking that while in the States, I may have little pockets of times with not much to do. (Maybe that's a fantasy dream-world; I've never lived there with 5 kids, ha!)
   
7. Love, love, LOVE this song! We've all been dancing (even Moses, he bounces up and down on his little hands, ha!) to this song the last week or two. Lecrae is one of our family favorites!
   

Psalms, Hymns, & Spiritual Songs: Beautiful Feet

You all may have seen some of my previous blogs about LeCrae-- this song is on his new album, Rebel, and Dawntoya (the woman in the picture at right, with her husband and new baby girl Zipporah) is featured on this particular song (she has a really beautiful voice!).

This song has grabbed my heart. I love it... it challenges me. It encourages me. It burdens me. Maybe it will speak to you too.

Beautiful Feet by LeCrae & Dawntoya

"I pray y'all listen-- it's all a true story."
"How beautiful are the feet of those that bring the good news." (From Isaiah & Romans)

Carlos was born in killa cali, was walking down an alley
he caught a bullet in his head that left him bleeding badly.
He lost everything at that moment except for his life
he lost his hearing, lost his movement, even lost his sight
He laid there in a coma, but man nobody cared--
the Gospel preached in his neighborhood? Nobody dared
But 'los got up out that coma and was able to hear
a missionary shared the gospel to his open ears
He got saved, got trained, got discipled
back to the hood, you could find him preaching the Bible.
He led a homie to Christ that's from the same hood
part of a church plant, come on now, aint His name good?
This is a blessing; I'm stressing that this is not the norm
we need leaders and believers to help carry it on
But who would minister in this sinister part of town?
I pray if Jesus is calling you that you would be found

Go, go, go (run with those beautiful feet)
Go, go, go
You hold the truth that saves, so run and shout it to the world
They can't believe in something they ain't never heard
Go, go, go and run with those beautiful feet

Eric used to go to Bible study as a kid
he got older, started doing what the hood did
A rival gang caught him slippin, tried to take his life
but then the gun jammed on him, so them beat him nice
He woke up in the hospital singing Bible songs
Praise God he had a place to learn the Bible from
But then he gets saved and wanna preach Christ--
they make him change his whole culture, whole way of life
He gotta get him a bachelors, wear a suit and tie,
go to seminary, by then all of his boys will die
Jesus came to invade culture outta Nazareth
and used a couple fisherman who people saw as hazardous
The feet are beautiful if only they'd go
if ain't nobody in the hood preaching, how will they know?
See, Eric is better used taught truths in his context
somebody please plant a church in his projects.

Go, go, go (run with those beautiful feet)
Go, go, go
You hold the truth that saves, so run and shout it to the world
They can't believe in something they ain't never heard
Go, go, go and run with those beautiful feet

In Luke 4:16 on down to 21,
Jesus says he's the Messiah, says he's the chosen one
But more than that he quotes Isaiah, that shows that our Savior
targets oppressed, captive, blind, the broke and I'm saying
He had a heart for the poor, had a heart for the low
and 1st John 2:6 is way we should go
In Deuteronomy even tho they under the law,
the tithes every third year the poor'd get em all
And I ain't sayin you wrong if you live in the burbs
I'm sayin turn your attention to the hood; we hurting
Man, if you ain't burdened, please pick up your word and
tho this world is going down, while we here we can serve him
We bring this to the streets because we knew the streets
I pray that more would be burdened to have beautiful feet
You never knew the streets but truth is what you preach?
I pray to God you'd be burdened to have beautiful feet.

Go, go, go (run with those beautiful feet)
Go, go, go
You hold the truth that saves, so run and shout it to the world
They can't believe in something they ain't never heard
Go, go, go and run with those beautiful feet

You can listen to other LeCrae songs here. Praise God for real people writing real music that speaks to the real need for Christ in our culture!

Biblical Rebellion

Two of my favorites, LeCrae & Driscoll, combine their musical and verbal skills to challenge us in the new song, "Rebel":

"I know in our day, rebel means sinner. But everyone is sinning, so it's no longer rebellious to sin. Jesus was a rebel who was countercultural."

"You're just a conformist if you're drunk and naked, driving around on a loud motorcycle, smoking cigarettes, and breaking commandments, and getting pregnant out of wedlock. Everyone's done that; that's so tired! If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible. Because no one's doing that. That's rebellion-- that's the only rebellion left!"

Yes!!! Get in the Word. It's the only inoculation against this money-idolizing, sex-worshiping, power-seeking, comfort-focused culture of ours.

Scripture internalized into our hearts and minds will change us, from the inside out. Yes!-- I want to be a rebel. Rebellion in our day means obeying God instead of pleasing self... living for the long haul instead of for today... and instead of listening to the words of Katie Couric, Tyra, Oprah, the latest best-selling novel, or Osteen (him OR her), meditating on the timeless, perfect words of God.


Father God, enable us to be rebellious towards our culture. And to live in radical obedience towards You. Don't let us stay comfortable in sin-- shake us up! Do whatever it takes to seize us with your great affection. Draw us to Your Word, so that it can rightly divide the right and wrong in our lives and ultimately draw us to You.

SHOW & TELL: These are a Few of My Favorite Things...

One of my favorite things about blogging is being able to pass on great resources or links for you to learn from and use to grow in your walk with the Lord, in your marriage or family life, or for your personal enrichment. So, this "Show & Tell" is all about my favorite things... things that we personally use and love in our home that have been a blessing or help to me. I hope you'll find something of interest in this list that can be a blessing or help to you!

1. Sovereign Grace Music- WOW. Valley of Vision in particular is an excellent CD. These musicians are really focused on writing lyrics that are full of truth and Scripture and not just fluff. I have been so challenged by songs like "Jesus Thank You" (you can listen to it in my music list at the bottom of Making Home) and "I Will Glory in My Redeemer" (you can listen to part of it at the link above).
   
2. America's Test Kitchen "Family Cookbook"- This is by far the best cookbook I have ever owned. It not only has the amazing well-tested recipes you'd expect in any quality cookbook, but it also has tips and instructions for things that you'd never find in most cookbooks. We're talking step-by-step photoed instructions for making a pie crust. Or a discussion of why changing the temperature by 25 degrees can completely change the way your muffins turn out. This is the most fascinating and user-friendly cookbook I've ever seen. I've not only made better food since using it, but I also have started *thinking* like a cook, which alone is worth every penny for this cookbook. I HIGHLY recommend this!
   
3. LeCrae- This Christian rapper is so unique... the music itself is good (not cheesy or predictable like so many "Christian rappers" of the past), and the lyrics themselves are full of truth and authenticity. He knows theology, he loves the Word of God, and he's reaching out to this culture in an excellent (and can I say, fun?) way. We have dance parties here in our home a lot, and LeCrae is most definitely a favorite for not only me but for my kids as well. Here's what LeCrae says his mission is: “to digest theology and spit it back out so the streets can digest it." You can listen to a few of his songs on my music player at the bottom of this website, or you can watch a LeCrae video here.
   
4. Hillsong DVDs- I've mentioned on a previous post how we use these DVDs to worship in our home as we go about our days... but I have to share the specifics with you. These DVDs are SO great for helping you teach your kids about worship, learning new songs, and being encouraged to worship the Lord as you go about your daily routine. Here are my four favorite DVDs:
   - HOPE- great, uplifting praise music focused on encouragement, healing, and hope.
   - LOOK TO YOU- a DVD of the Hillsong youth praise band... this ranges from very fresh and young sounds to very worshipful moments as well. We love it.
   - UP (Unified Praise)- Hillsong & Delirious teamed up to put out this worship DVD/concert. It's full of songs you'll probably know and some that will be new and encouraging for you.
   - GOD HE REIGNS- The songs on this DVD in particular are focused on the majesty and power of God and is an intense and enjoyable invitation to worship... the Hillsong team uses a choir and dancers and this is a very good DVD as well
   
5. Settlers of Catan- This game (introduced to us by our friends, Tamara and her husband, Mark) is so much fun and is always unique and challenging, no matter how good you get. Doug & I have a blast playing this at least once a month once the kids are in bed, and it's great for playing with couple friends as well. Perhaps I just revealed my total geekiness, but I'm OK with that. :) It's a fun game.
   
6. Blokus- There are a couple versions of this game (we have the travel/2 player version), but this is a GREAT game for kids and adults of all ages... it changes every time you play it, and is great for teaching strategy and spacial comprehension to children.
   
7. iTunes sermons/resources: Alistair Begg, Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Al Mohler-- I went into my iTunes store and subscribed to each of these so that they automatically download. Then, I can add them to a new "iTunes playlist" each day (mixed in with things like Sovereign Grace, LeCrae, and classic rock favorites) so that, as I'm going about my day, I can be taking in wisdom from a wide variety of sources, all based on the Word of God. This is a great way to stay spiritually challenged and keep your mind at work throughout the day (while doing dishes, sorting laundry, sitting on the floor with your toddler, etc.).
   
8. Rainlendar- onscreen calendar for your desktop - extremely user-friendly and always at your fingertips. It's adaptable to allow for a wide variety of alarms/reminders for every purpose, and it has an optional "To-Do list" that keeps a running list of what's coming up in the next week, so you can keep up-to-date. We have it on both of our computers, and it helps us stay organized!

That's it for now. Hopefully, you too will be able to enjoy some of these "favorites" of mine!