Margin #1: Progress, and the Modern Life

For the last few weeks, I've been reading (and greatly enjoying!) a book called Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard A. Swenson, M.D.  If you're not familiar with the idea of "margin", here's a telling snippet from the 1st chapter:

"Progress has given us unprecedented affluence, education, technology, and entertainment.  We have comforts and conveniences other eras could only dream about.  Yet somehow, we are not flourishing under the gifts of modernity as one would expect.  ... How is it possible that the homemaker is still tired despite the help of the washing machine, clothes dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner?  If we are so prosperous, why are the therapists' offices so full?"

"Margin," he writes, "is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence.  Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift."

He makes the point that some people believe that nothing's different now; "we've always had stress, it's just different stress now", they say.  His reply?

"I'm not the one who's making the fuss; I'm only writing about it.  I'm only being honest about what I see all around me.  Something's wrong.  People are tired and frazzled.  People are anxious and depressed.  People don't have time to heal anymore."

Dr. Swenson boils it down to this simple situation:

• Symptom: Pain
• Diagnosis: Overload
• Prescription: Margin
• Prognosis: Health

He prescribes building margin into our lives in order to restore sanity and build up a "reserve" in our lives, so that we can focus on and do what is most significant.


The Link Between Progress & Margin
I'm interested to read his recommendations for how to deal with stress and "marginlessness" in our lives, because he makes the point-- an interesting one-- that the decrease of margin in our lives is directly correlated to the march of progress.

"In a general sense, those cultures with the most progress are the same as those with the least margin.  Margin has been stolen away, and progress was the thief." 

One example offered is that when progress meets a tree, it makes "tables, chairs, bowls, and toothpicks."  Progress always changes, and gives us increasing amounts of things at increasingly faster speeds.  And yet, in the midst of all these efforts to make things bigger, faster, more intense, and better, human beings still exist with fixed, human limits.  There is only so much we can do in a day, only so hard we can push our physical bodies, only so much pressure our emotions can handle, etc.

From what I can tell of Dr. Swenson's recommendations just four chapters in, the goal of this book is not to encourage us to stop progress, hide in a cave, or become Amish.  I like how he closed up chapter two:

"Please understand: progress is not evil.  Similarly stress, change, complexity, speed, intensity, and overload are, for the most part, not enemies.  But we have different conditions at play than at any other time in our history and we must discern our course carefully lest we be overwhelmed by forces out of control.   

"We must have some room to breathe.  We need freedom to think and permission to heal.  Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity.  No one has the time to listen, let alone love.  Our children lay wounded on the ground, run over by our high-speed good intentions.  Is God now pro-exhaustion?  Doesn't He lead people beside the still waters anymore?  Who plundered those wide-open spaces of the past, and how can we get them back?"

Do these questions and concerns resonate with you?

Do you feel maxed out and spent?

Do you see a connection between the rise of technology/progress, and the lack of "margin"/space in your life?  Isn't it ironic that the more "in touch" we are with one another (Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc.), the less human-to-human interaction there really is?  Perhaps you've read this book, or another one on this subject?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #3- Overload: When Our Threshold is Exceeded

Have you ever done one of those points-based "stress evaluations"?

Doug and I always laughed when we'd see those over the last 6 years, living overseas.  With culture stresses, job changes, moving apartments, new babies, changes in our diet/living, and the like, we always ended up scoring far, and sometimes ridiculously far, off the charts.

If you're a parent in this American culture, you likely would score high as well-- job change, relocation, pregnancy and babies, changes in sleeping habits, unemployment, change in schools, increasing dietary allergies and illnesses that lead to diet change-- these things are par for the course.

Overload is a common malady among us.

LACK OF MARGIN

In this discussion of building "margin" into our lives, a common objection might be, "People have always had to work hard and set priorities for their lives.  'There is nothing new under the sun,' like Solomon said."  But Swenson writes that contemporary stressors affect us all much more than typical "pressures of life" affected the generations prior to this one.  Some highlights: we have much more change coming much more rapidly in our lives; we have more activities to arrive at and more deadlines to meet; intact supportive family relationships have been dismantled; and long-term friendships are increasingly rare.

When the pressures of life mount up to unsustainable levels, and our support systems are arguably weaker than they have ever been, the result is often burnout.

In our interactions with other expats (overseas-dwellers), we would hear about burnout relatively often.  It's a common phenomenon among people who have pushed all their stress levels to the max, particularly when those people lack familiar "pressure valves" (i.e., a close relative living nearby to help with the kids every great once in a while) that they have previously used to relieve stress.

"Burnout: If you bend a small tree and then release it, the sapling will return to its former shape.  This is analogous to stress-- we bend and then recover.  However, if you bend the sapling until it snaps, it stays broken.  This is analogous to burnout.  Something inside breaks."

THRESHOLD AND OVERLOAD 
Swenson points out that we naturally bend to some limitations-- physical limits, for example, limit the number of tables & chairs that can fit in a given room.  While you might be able to cram in 100 piece of furniture into a room, would you really want to?  Of course not, because that would make the space unusable.  

Performance limitations often pertain to both physical limits & the unquantifiable factor of will power.  And while the human will is indeed and incredible force, there are physiological limits on us all...  Swenson points out:

"Runners keep running faster, and swimmers keep swimming faster.  But there must be an end to this, true?  We cannot run the mile in one second.  Neither will it ever be possible for anyone to run it in one minute.  There is a built-in physiological limit beyond which records will rarely be broken."

Like the graph shows, humans' "performance increases with increasing demand and increasing effort-- but only up to a point.  Once we reach our limit, fatigue sets in, followed quickly by exhaustion and collapse."

"Emotional limits are even more vague"-- while there are clearly physical limitations, it is more difficult to understand fully how much one individual person can "take", emotionally speaking.  And yet, we inherently know to deal gently with an emotionally fragile person, and we might say that they're "on the verge of collapse", or near their "breaking point".  

Mental limitations are as difficult to define as emotional, but certainly, the human brain can not store an unlimited amount of facts.  There is an amount of data, or a speed of input, that would cause our brain and/or memory to essentially shut down.  Swenson points to the high stress and frequent burnout among air-traffic controllers as evidence of mental limitations.

BUT WHAT ABOUT "I CAN DO ALL THINGS"?
In response to the (mis)use of that verse, Swenson answers,

"Does this mean that you can fly?  Can you go six months without eating?   Neither can you live a healthy life chronologically overloaded.  God did not intend this verse to represent a negation of life balance.  Even Jesus Himself did not heal every case of leprosy in Israel.  Think about it.

"It is God the Creator who made limits, and it is the same God who placed them within us for our protection.  We exceed them at our peril."

What happens when we exceed our limits?

• Anxiety- the load is too great, and nervous breakdowns begin to occur
• Hostility- people snap; they blame and/or take out frustration on the people around them
• Depression- their hostility is directed inward, and "they withdraw into a fog of gloom"
• Resentment- the overloading, demanding job/life that used to be enjoyed becomes the enemy

OVERLOAD SYNDROME

Swenson takes a long time to list out the way that activities, changes, choices, commitments, debt, decisions, expectations, fatigue, hurry, information, media, noise, people, possessions, technology, traffic, and work overload our lives and leave us weary and worn out.  Here are a few highlights from his expansion on each idea:

"We are a tired society.  Even our leisure is exhausting-- 54 percent of us admit we are more exhausted at the end of a vacation than at the beginning."

 "A single edition of the New York Times contains more information than a seventeenth-century Britisher would encounter in a lifetime."

"We have more things per person than any other nation in history.  Closets are full, storage space is used up, and cars can't fit into garages.  Having first imprisoned us with debt, possessions then take over our houses and occupy our time.  This begins to sound like an invasion.  Everything I own owns me.  Why would I want more?"

WHY DO WE DO IT?

To the question, "Why do we allow these things to continue?", the author offers these reasons:

1. lack of understanding-- the problem is relatively new, and thus we are blinded to it, "even when it has us by the throat"
2. a sense of conscientiousness-- feeling that we should "do all we can" or that we should always/only "give til it hurts"
3. follow the leader- "our economy and our society are run by the driven.  They climb to positions of power by force and then demand the same over-commitment from those under them."

Here, I think Swenson offers a helpful, discerning point for Christians:

"I am not suggesting that we should strive to have a pain-free, stress-free life.  The Christian walk will always be full of problems and work.  Many times we must be prepared to suffer willingly.  What I am suggesting, however, is that given the unbiquity of overload, we need to choose carefully where our involvement should come.  We must not allow ourselves to be hammered by distress in the many areas of life that have absolutely no transcendent importance.  It is not the will of the Father for us to be so battered by the torment of our age.  There must be a different way-- a way that reserves our strength for higher battles."

ONE PART OF THE SOLUTION
Finally, after 3 parts, I get to share *PART* of Swenson's solution to this lack of margin that affects nearly all of us:

"The problem is overload.  

"Each of us needs to seek his or her own level of involvement and not let the standard be mandated by the often exorbitant expectations of others.  Some around us who are much more involved than we are may not understand why we choose to hold back.  Others might be much less involved than we are-- we assume they don't care.  We must understand that everyone has a different tolerance for overload and a different threshold level when breakdown begins to occur.  It is important for us to set people free to seek their own level. " 

He suggests that the answer is in learning to set limits, and to respect the limits of others.  And he devotes the rest of the book to learning to allow for margin in each area of life.

So as we think about this, I think it is helpful to see this in terms of how we react to and interact with others.  Do we expect them to be involved in every church event?  Are our expectations grace-giving in this area of commitments and involvement, as we wish for others' expectations toward us to be?


What thoughts do you have? I've enjoyed reading your comments and reactions thus far in the series-- did these quotes/ideas bring any new ideas to your mind?

Donkey image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #2: Progress, Relationships, & Mental Stress

As I continue reading Margin, I've enjoyed the things author Richard A. Swenson has to say about modern life and its lack of margin.  Margin is the idea of building "reserve" into your life, so that you have room for what's most important in life.  He observes:

"Progress's biggest failure has been its inability to nurture and protect right relationships. ...Margin, however, knows how to nurture relationship.  In fact, margin exists for relationship.  Progress, on the other hand, has little to say about the relational life.  Even our language gives us away.  When we talk about progress, we do not mean social, emotional and spiritual advancement.  [Rather, we mean progress in areas of] money, energy, transportation, housing, communications, technology, and education.  People, however, have relational needs that go much deeper."  

WHERE TO INVEST? 
His challenge in these chapters (chapters 3 & 4) is that God would have us use our spiritual gifts, and the "overflow of our hearts" to invest in the social, emotional, and spiritual environments of life, rather than following where progress would have us invest our efforts-- solely in the cognitive and physical environments of life.

Society looks for the answers to social problems in physical solutions and education-- give people more money, and/or set up more classes to educate people (i.e., Think of Oprah's classic response, "when we know better, we do better"-- is that really true?  Is modern society "doing better" now that we "know better"?).  In reality, while these temporary solutions may provide short-term relief, they do not solve matters of the heart.

"Discerning Christians have long known that God is not impressed with our wealth, education, or power.  Nevertheless, we have labored eagerly in those fields.  What if, instead, we were to begin measuring our progress not by our wealth but by our virtue; not by our education, but by our humility; not by our power but by our meekness?

"Graduate degress and DNPs will never usher in the kingdom-- only love can do that.  And love brings us back to [William] Wilberforce: 'Above all, measure your progress by your experience of the love of God and its exercise before men." 

 PHYSICAL vs. MENTAL STRESS
The final idea I want to share from these chapters is a contrast of physical vs. mental exertion, by E.F. Schumacher:

"The widespread substitution of mental strain for physical strain is no advantage from our point of view.  Proper physical work, even if strenuous, does not absorb a great deal of the power of attention, but mental work does; so that there is no attention left over for the spiritual things that really matter.  It is obviously much easier for a hard-working peasant to keep his mind attuned to the divine than for a strained office worker."

Interesting observation, isn't it?  It is obvious when you think about it-- I often get my best thinking done when I'm doing purely physical tasks-- folding laundry, washing dishes, mowing the lawn.  These type of tasks give mental "margin", and give me room to analyze life with sobriety and clarity.

Now, of course we all deal with stress differently, and we all can manage different levels of it.  Generally, though, I think our society pushes too hard, too fast, and too full... this book is definitely causing me to rethink some of the ways that I thoughtlessly ramble along with "progress" and technology in ways that might actually be detrimental to my family and myself.


What about you?  Do you see areas where progress has actually hurt your relationships, or increased your stress?  How do you manage this in your life?

Image: vichie81 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Book Reviews- 2012

My goodness, we're into March & I haven't yet posted a "Book Reviews" page for 2012.  So here goes.  I'm reading a ton of things at present, but I'll hold off on reviews until I actually finish them.

1. Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives - Richard Swenson - (see my posts on the book here) This book is revolutionary, and stands as a direct challenge & wake-up call for modern American life.  Certainly as followers of Christ, with the model set by God of Sabbath rest, and the model of Jesus Himself taking time in the wilderness and outside of cities to pray, rest, and have times of retreat and recharging, we should be more diligent in the pursuit of "margin" in our lives.  Swenson does a wonderful job laying out a critique of the marginless life, and spends a good portion of the book offering encouragement and ways to begin building margin into your life.  I greatly appreciated and highly recommend this wonderful book. 
2. What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage - by Paul David Tripp - My ladies Bible study group has read through this book since Fall of 2011, and it has been so challenging, thought-provoking and encouraging.  Tripp continually reframes marital stressors & conflicts in spiritual terms and challenges us all to focus on being more like Christ in the way we love & submit to one another.  The marital picture he paints-- one of reconciliation, grace, and understanding our humanity in light of Christ's sacrifice for us-- is rich and wonderful; every woman in our study has been wowed and challenged by Tripp's words.  Highly recommended.
3. Walk By the Spirit In Your Homeschool Decisions - by Marilyn Howshall - This booklet is one in a series about homeschooling topics.  Because I heard so many raves about this particular installment, I purchased it late last year (you'll notice that, for a paperback booklet, it comes at a dear price).  It has truly been one of the more important homeschooling books I've read, and frankly, an encouragement to me as a believer.  Howshall offers encouraging instruction about listening for the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit as we go through life in general, and homeschooling in particular.  I feel both free in my homeschool decisions, and wonderfully constrained in the way I lean in to hear the voice of God, after reading this small book.  Highly recommended for anyone, particularly for homeschoolers.
4. My Lady Ludlow - by Elizabeth Gaskell - (free on Kindle) - Having watched BBC's delightful series, "Cranford", when I saw the Kindle version of this book (one of the 3 books BBC interwove to make the movie version of Cranford) offered for free, I snatched it up and began reading.  As with other of Gaskell's works, I find her writing far superior to Jane Austen's in character development & the inclusion of real-life scenarios (like death of major characters, true disappointment in love, etc.).  This book was enjoyable and insightful (particularly for fleshing out the history of Lady Ludlow and informing some of her decisions seen in the movie).  This is an enjoyable little book that would be particularly enjoyable to fans of Austen or Gaskell.
5. Sixty Acres And A Bride - by Regina Jennings -  I picked up Regina's novel one afternoon, and finished shortly after midnight.  I literally could not put the book down until I'd finished! This excellent repackaging of the biblical story of Ruth (during the era of post-Civil War reconstruction, in Texas) includes historical information and details of life that ring true, giving rich flavor to the wonderfully spun tale.  I particularly appreciated the cross-cultural awareness of Rosa's struggles to adapt to life in a new culture.  The careful attention given to slowly unraveling Rosa's past (growing in understanding of her as the story progresses), and the way Jennings helps the readers to understand her culture of origin, made the story more earnest and compelling.  This is one of those books that left me gasping as I turned the pages, hoping for answers and resolution.  It was a great example of Christian historical fiction, and I recommend it.
6. Lord, Teach Us To Pray - by Andrew Murray - In college, I began reading Andrew Murray, at the encouragement of a godly friend, and since that time, whenever I have opportunity, I seek to learn from the writings of that godly man.  I snatched up this book for free on Kindle, and enjoyed slowly reading through it.  As our family dynamics have changed, I have sought to continually pursue God and yield to Him, even though the methods/practices may change over time.  So reading books like Murray's, about prayer, press me to continue pursuing God, continue letting Him change my perspective, and continue to know Him through prayer.  Like any Andrew Murray book, I highly recommend this book.
7. Witness (Seeds of Christianity) - by E. G. Lewis - I snagged this book for free on Kindle, knowing nothing about it except the small description. It's easily a 5-star book, and one I believe I'll want to return to again and again.  Having picked it up to read last night, I couldn't put it down until I finished this afternoon. Not only does Lewis weave in wonderful true-to-life details about Jewish culture, law, and experiences, but he paints such a rich picture of cultural differences. First- he provides such a rich "background" to understanding the cultural differences between the Jews & the Roman culture around them, and later, he gives clear contrast between the common, ruddy Jewish shepherds who were invited by angels to Jesus' birth in Bethlehem and the proud, richly-tuniced, ritually "clean" Jewish Pharisees in the temple. Though this story is not centered on Jesus, His birth, childhood, and ministry are woven into the fictional tale of the coming of age of a Bethlehem shepherdess.  This novel boasts not only rich historical detail, cultural insights, and biblical perspective, but Lewis grabs the heart of the reader with a love story with two very likable, good-willed characters. I appreciated every single bit of this novel, so much so, that after having a record of downloading nearly 400 Kindle books-- ALL FREE-- I purchased my first Kindle purchases today, books 2, 3, and 4 of this series, so I could continue reading the saga of the little shepherdess, Rivkah. Truly, moving frugal old me to hit the "buy now" button is a success indeed. :) Read this book! You won't be sorry!
8. Disciple (Seeds of Christianity, book 2) - by E.G. Lewis - The second in this series, Disciple continues telling the story of Rivkah, who we met as a Bethlehem shepherdess.  She is now a middle-aged woman, and through her family's life in Jerusalem, we meet the apostles, Stephen (the first martyr) and come to a greater understanding of what a tense situation it was for early Christians, as they sought to be faithful disciples of Christ, brothers to one another, careful recorders of what had occurred in Jesus' lifetime, and witnesses to the (understandably) hostile culture around them.  These books are great at giving a sense of not how things "had" to be, but how things could have been, for early Christ-followers.  I am learning so much about the cultures of the times, and enjoying a rich sense of the historical context, without feeling like I'm reading a series of lectures.  This series is truly excellent!
9. Apostle (Seeds of Christianity, book 3) - by E.G. Lewis - In this third book in the "Seeds of Christianity" series, 'Apostle', we continue to follow Lewis' characters, She'muel and Rivkah, as they settle into roles of servant leadership in the Antioch church.  Through their eyes and social circles, Lewis gives the reader a true-to-life description of what could have happened in local churches during the times of Paul's first and second missionary journeys.  We come to understand trade routes, intercultural marriage (i.e., Jewish-background Christian marrying Pagan-background Christian), Roman culture, the lascivious nature of free sexuality during the times, and what challenges the early church faced as it grew beyond its historical Judaical roots.  In a truly incredible way, Lewis masterfully provides rich historical context without sacrificing a highly engaging fictional narrative.  Lewis has done a wonderful job weaving in cultural details, historical facts, and biblical insight into the lives of She'muel, Rivkah, and their children.  Read this book!  Read the series!  I highly recommend it.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #29

1. Hope you had an incredibly restful Thanksgiving.  It's my favorite holiday.  Downtime with family... excellent food... no stress of gifts... no one's in too big a hurry. I just love it.  We feasted like kings, and I got to hold my one-month-old niece-- joy!
2. We're staying in America.  That's right, not heading back in January.  We'll continue to be here in Texas, able to love on family & friends in person.  If you're one of our (real-life) friends and this is the first you've heard of it, I'm sorry... we made the decision about 2-3 weeks ago, and have let it out in waves.  
3. Yes, that means lots is changing for us... looking for a job, house, couches, mattresses, sheets, dishes... wow.  We may end up shipping some of that back from Istanbul; we're working out logistics over the next few weeks.  Still, lots of changes coming our way.  I'd appreciate your prayers.
4. Black Friday-- you venturing out?  My mom & I are... I think we'll go to Joann's, and then I need to get socks for my youngest three children.  Somehow, every time we go to leave the house, none of them can find any socks.  We are, apparently, the Clampetts.
5. I'm LOVING this book Margin by Kevin Swenson.  If you haven't read my last few posts about Margin, you should.  This book has its finger on the pulse of the entire modernized world, and I think the author really has some challenging words.  
6. Weight Watchers is so awesome.  I love being able to eat real food, and even enjoy crazy-good-food holidays like Thanksgiving and still be a-ok weight-wise.  I've now lost 20 pounds, and still have about 20 more pounds to go.  
7. Whatcha thinking about this Republican field of nominees for 2012?  Here are my thoughts: 

• Perry is embarrassing, and Cain is just underwater now... between his women issues and his continued misspeaks, even if he is a good leader, he is just a rotten candidate.  I wish either of these men (or both!) would be humble enough to recognize that they are a drag on the race and resign, but no, they just keep right on.  
• Romney had a weird blip this week.  He was in a good position, to just wait it out and hope for Republicans come to the conclusion of his inevitability, but then he went and made this ad where he completely misrepresents something Obama said.  It's a flat-out lie.  I don't understand the reasoning behind this decision; he was sitting pretty and is now potentially in hot water.
• Gingrich has somehow positioned himself as a smart, potentially palatable non-Romney.  I think he and Romney are battling it out for the top.
• Paul is continuing to present the message of freedom and not being the world's bully.  People don't like that last part so much... but really, how has that approach (the "bring it on" mentality) worked for the last 12 or so years?  There's a reason why Ron Paul gets more donations from the US military servicemen than all other candidates combined.  He knows what he's talking about, in regard to both the budget & foreign-policy.
• Bachman & Huntsman have actually both appeared more presidential & commanding with foreign policy issues in recent debates.  It is possible that one of them might have a chance, but it's a slim chance.  
• Santorum's campaign confuses me.  I don't really know anyone who supports him and it makes me wonder if he's trying to run for veep?

What say you?  About the debate or any of the rest of this rambly post... I'd love to hear your thoughts.