Studying Love - part one

Lately, some friends and I have been doing a study on the 1 Corinthians 13 passage about love. And BOY, has it been convicting!!!

There is so much of a richness about the choice *to* love once you really examine what it means. We treat "love" so lightly-- we "fall in" and "fall out" of it, we love those shoes, we love our children, we love that hilarious comedy on TV, we love the way so-and-so does such-and-such... but biblical love as presented here, in this brotherly, one-anothering kind of love... well, it's a real challenge.

I'll share the biblical definitions (from the Greek & from biblical cross-references), and then I'll share with you the boiled-down, nitty-gritty "working" definition we've come up with for each of the attributes we've studies so far. The reason we are doing this is because we use many of these words in ways that are different from how the Bible uses & treats them, and we wanted to get clear on what, through 1 Corinthians, God is actually saying about love. The applicable and illuminating cross-references are listed at the end, in case you want to go deeper on any or all of these subjects.


Love is patient-- forbearing, slow to anger, enduring misfortune, not eager for punishment, overlooking offense

• Working DEF of "patient"-- to endure & abound in Christlike grace towards even the most difficult people & situation
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Eph 4:1-2, James 1:19-20, Prov 19:11, 1 Thess 5:14, 2 Pet 3:9, Exod 34:5-6, 1 Tim 1:15-16}

Love is kind-- pleasant, soft, tender, compassionate, tenderhearted, eager to show kindness... [opposites: bitter, harsh, sharp, hard]

• Working DEF of "kind"-- treating others with a soft, tender awareness of our shared need for grace & forgiveness
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Prov 15:1, Ps 133:1, Prov 16:24, Ps 64:3, Titus 2:5, Col 3:12-13, 2 Cor 6:3-10, Eph 4:31-32, Luke 6:27-36, Gal 5:22, Isa 30:18, Ps 103:9-14}
  

Love does not envy-- [envy: strongly desiring to possess the advantage enjoyed by another; hated by others, hating one another; rivalry]

• Working DEF of "does not envy"-- contentedly rejoices in the life God has given me and rejoices with others in the life He's given them.
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Job 5:2, Prov 14:20, Eccl 4:4, Titus 3:3, James 3:16, Gal 5:19-21, Gal 5:26, 1 Pet 2:1, 1 Cor 3:3, Rom 13:13-14}
  

Love does not boast-- [boast: like a vaulted ceiling; lifts itself; proud; haughty; arrogant about wisdom, might, riches, or the future]

• Working DEF of "does not boast"-- lifts up Christ and His will, not self and my plans.
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Ps 34:2, Jer 9:23-24, Prov 27:1, 1 Sam 2:3, Ps 10:2-5, Ps 5:5, James 4:16, Ps 12:3, 1 John 2:16}
  

Love is not arrogant-- [arrogant: self-exaltation]. Regarding arrogance, throughout the Bible we saw that "God hates", "God lays low", "He does not endure", and He "will repay". It is "an abomination". Again and again, we saw the attributes of humility-- humble in words, not full of pomp, abased, hoping in God rather than self, and that humility is looked on with favor and grace from the Lord.

• Working DEF of "is not arrogant"-- one who actively roots out pride and approaches God, others, and life with humility.
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Prov 8:13, James 4:16, 1 Sam 2:3, Is 13:11, Pr 16:5, Job 35:12, Ps 101:5, Isa 2:17, Ps 5:5, Ps 31:23, Is 2:11, Job 40:11-12, Pro 15:25, Pro 21:4, 2 Cor 12:7, 1 Tim 6:17, 1 John 2:16, 1 Pet 5:5}
  

Love is not rude-- [rude: unable to act with self control, interrupting, to act unbecomingly, seeking one's own advantage]

• Working DEF of "is not rude"-- puts others first, seeks to benefit and please others before self
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Prov 18:13, Romans 15:1, 1 Cor 9:23, Phil 2:21, 1 Cor 10:33, 1 Cor 10:24}
  

Love does not insist on its own way-- [does not insist on its own rights, never seeks its own to the hurt or neglect of others, lays aside selfish aims]

• Working DEF of "does not insist on its own way"-- essentially, we couldn't boil it down any better than this, what the Scripture already specifically says. To me, the "does not insist on its own *rights*" definition was helpful, because our culture is so good at "standing up for", "demanding", and "expecting" our rights. So, for me, that was a helpful one.
  
  
• {Cross-refs: Phil 2:1-7, Isa 56:10-12, 1 Cor 9:19-23, 1 Cor 10:32-33, Prov 18: 1-2, Romans 12:10, Gal 5:19-21, James 3:13-15, Matt 4:8, John 6:38, 2 Cor 8:9, James 2:8, Romans 15:1-3, Luke 9:23; 2 Tim 2:1, 3-4, 10; Romans 14:1, 4, 7-8, 10, 13, & 19}
  

This entire study has been only of the Word itself (not through a book, DVD series, etc.), and it has been so powerful. So many things have been much more illuminated and made clear in our hearts and minds as we've combed through what the whole counsel of God's Word has to say on each of these subjects. Each word piles up on top of the others to present a beautiful challenge of what Christ's love lived out in us can look like.

As I've looked at each of the specific definitions, I am challenged again and again by what God needs to do in my heart and life for me to really be living out love to the people around me. The description of "love" here is one that is not easily met. It is very easy to say "I love you"... but much harder to live in a kind, patient, selfless, content way-- the actions and attitude of love. I hope that sharing this will be helpful for someone else too.

Click here to see the remaining portion of this study (Studying Love-part two).

The Disciple-Making, World-Changing, Heart-Molding Role of Mother

If you are one who loves Christ, who desires to see people come and know Him, and longs to find her purpose in the world, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a young woman who has been told all the horrors and sob stories of colic and tantrums and have somehow missed hearing about the joy of raising up interesting, unique individual men and women who will know and serve God, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a gal of my generation, who was told you could "be anything you wanted to be" without ever even having it be hinted that that "anything" might include being "everything" to some little people, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a lady who wants to change the world and make it a better place, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are someone who desires to impact people in a huge way, help others to overcome difficulties and find their strengths and God-given abilities, so that they might in turn serve God & contribute to this glorious world in a more weighty manner, let me commend to you the role of mother.

Mothers...

• ... have the opportunity to impact lives, day-in, day out-for 18+ years, more time than any professor or doctor or preacher or counselor will ever be able to have in the lives of the people they seek to impact.
• ... have the privilege to study and know their children so that they can train, counsel, and encourage them as they grow towards adulthood
• ... are given the blessing and responsibility of connecting deeply and wonderfully with their children in ways that are virtually impossible with the world at large.
• ... have the opportunity to love and be loved in a way that is entirely distinct from any other sort of relationship.
• ... are able to change the world through a mastery of various fields and talents that they themselves do not possess, as they spur on and encourage their children to find their God-given place of service.
• ... are able to teach and train and sharpen and shape and guide and gear their children in ways that will forever alter human history.
• ... have the privilege of praying with intimate understanding for the hearts and lives of people from the very beginning of their existence.
• ... have a purposeful career designed by God Himself, with His assistance and leadership guaranteed throughout.
• ... have the unique experience of watching the man they love grow into a man who loves in ways that were unseen and unknown before he became a father.
• ... have a God-given life with sanctification built-in by the requirements of hard work, selflessness, disappointment, perseverance, patience, grace, self-control, and a continual seeking of wisdom from above.
• ... have the unique opportunity to work hand-in-hand with God Almighty and the husband He has given to mold future adults.

I am not saying this is the only way-- but I am absolutely saying that it is an awesome way, and a God-designed way, for women to yield to their Maker by welcoming with joy and with great sober responsibility the blessing and gracious gift of children into their hearts, lives, and wombs.

God continues to do amazing things in my heart and life and draw me closer to Himself through this role of mother, and I would be a foolish woman indeed if I did not speak highly to you of this beautiful means of sanctification that God has given to women: the disciple-making, world-changing, heart-molding role of mother.

Our Simple (and Inexpensive) Wedding

Today, Crunchy Con ran a piece about simple weddings coming back en vogue, and asked people to share about their wedding if they somehow managed to avoid the extravagant $25,000+ affairs that seem to be the "norm" in the east coast.

Well, we avoided that kind of crazy price by a long shot (I think our total wedding costs may have totaled something like $2000)... so I decided to share about it here. Sadly, I don't have access to most of our wedding pictures (they're back in storage in the States)-- but I've taken some semi-fuzzy digital shots of the prints that we have here. I'll bold our money-saving ideas... I'm sure you can find more elsewhere, but this is how we pulled off an inexpensive wedding that was beautiful, intimate, and that we still look back on with delight.

PRINTED MATERIALS
For invitations, I waited to find a good deal and we chose simple, classic invitations from a company that was offering much less expensive rates. We bought some silver-inked pens and some friends and I took an afternoon to address the envelopes ourselves. We limited the amount of invitations we purchased, and nearly all the invitations were sent to people we really hoped would come-- not every Tom, Dick, and Harry we and our parents ever knew. The invitations were sent in a normal rectangular-shaped envelope, so that it did not require additional stamps.

I went into Microsoft Word & designed the wedding program myself, and had it printed on a custom-sized parchment-style paper at the local printshop. Little details like this could have really added up, but by doing them ourselves, we saved a lot of money in ways that really weren't noticeable, and in the long run, don't matter a hill of beans.

GOING TO THE CHAPEL
We got married in our college chapel... a quaint building with ethereal light drifting in the opague windows. In that chapel, I'd worshipped, poured my heart out before the Lord, repented of sins big and small, shared words of encouragement, and led fellow students in songs of praise. Because we were students, we made a deposit and received it back in full, so the location cost us nothing.

THE DRESS
Like every bride, I scoured the bridal magazines and saw dresses that were gorgeous, but found one in a magazine photo that was right up my alley. Of course, as they always are, it would have cost thousands of dollars. But at a friendly neighborhood David's Bridal, I found an almost identical dress for a few hundred dollars. The bridesmaids dresses were on sale at David's. I've since heard from friends who got even better deals at David's by being more open to anything and hitting the sales racks there.

FLOWERS & DECORATIONS
For all the typically expensive stuff, we found some friends who had hobbies in the areas of our need... we knew a young married guy who had connections in the flower business & knew where to get large amounts of flowers for much less money, so we hired him to do all our flowers-- all white daisies (my favorite). I bought glass fishbowl-like glassware (and probably some ribbon too) at a Hobby Lobby sort of store for a fraction of what it would have cost from a florist, and that friend did all the arranging.

REHEARSAL DINNER & BRIDAL PARTY GIFTS
For the rehearsal dinner, we used a dietetics major who was beginning a catering business, and it was delicious-- she worked with us to custom-make the menu and Doug's mom made a favorite family recipe for the dessert. As gifts for the bridal party, I kept my eye out for good deals and bought matching jewelry for the bridesmaids, and we ordered a set of fun-colored swiss army knives off of eBay for the groomsmen.

PHOTOGRAPHY & VIDEO
One of our friends was a campus photographer with a great eye, so we asked him if he'd be willing to do our wedding. He'd never shot a wedding before, so I made a list for him, in order (to go along with the service order), of the basic photos I wanted. I starred the ones that were most important for me, so that if he had to miss a shot, it wouldn't be one that was super-important for us to have, and he came to the rehearsal dinner to practice and get a feel for where he'd stand, where the light would be, etc. He did formal color pictures for all the normal shots, and informal, more artistic black-and-white shots for all the post-wedding & reception shots. He developed a set of prints and handed the film over to us. He did an excellent job, and for payment, my husband painted a Ruth/Boaz themed painting (the "where you go, I will go" passage was a centerpiece of our wedding vows) and traded him the painting for his photography services.

If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have paid the money for a video of our wedding. However, a close friend that sang in our wedding died suddenly only a few years later, and so I'm thankful that I have the video for that one reason. But the cost of the video (perhaps a hundred dollars? can't remember...), compared to the few times we've ever watched it, probably was not worth it.

THE RECEPTION
There was a place on campus with a wall of windows that looked out over the nearby river... we opted to have our reception there, and again, it cost (if anything) very little.

We found a comparably inexpensive local baker who did a beautiful basketweave buttercream tiered cake, and ordered from her, with fresh daisies and an antique Wilton cake topper I'd bought off eBay as decorations. She was most excited about doing the groom's cake-- a chocolate sheet cake frosted with the image of a Rothko painting on top. My husband, Doug, was a painting major, and Rothko was his favorite artist at that time. :)

For food & decor, we hired a family friend with an on-the-side catering business. She made all the reception foods, worked with the floral guy for decorations, and arranged for all the linens, etc. It was simple, as we had an afternoon wedding, with a good assortment of finger foods, desserts, and drink options. For music, we asked a close friend who played classical guitar (Thanks again, John & Julie!) to play whatever he wanted. It was beautiful accompaniment for a low-key and enjoyable reception.

WRAPPING UP
Not everyone has friends in every area necessary for pulling off a wedding, and I understand that... but really, local colleges and young businesspeople are really great resources for doing a wedding, if you're willing to work with them and help them to succeed. Asking around in your "circle" for different people who may have connections with florists, the desire to do catering jobs, or with special skills (like web design, photography, or musical abilities) can really save a bundle of money. Doing as much yourself as possible will save money, and can be done without stress if you plan well. We cut corners on almost everything, but the wedding was absolutely enjoyable and suited us perfectly.

My hope is that this post will encourage young women who may read it to be freed from feeling the burden of pulling off some "perfect" event, and instead opt for something that will be enjoyable and suit your personality without breaking the bank.

Our best memories from the day are seeing each other, visiting with the people we love, and receiving spoken and prayed blessings from our family & friends. And of course, the most important thing of all was that we marked the beginning our lives together before God and others as man and wife. The rest is just details.

Mom, Now I Know

I'm not even 30 yet, Mom, and there are so many things that I see now that I could not have (or would not have) seen before... and I want to honor and thank you publicly.

Mom, now I know why you laughed when we made comments about things that happened when you were a kid being "old". Because I certainly don't feel old, but today, the boys were talking about a show, and I told them it was from when I was a kid. They both agreed, "yeah, that's old." I laughed. Now I realize that you didn't feel old either (and weren't!), and that's why you laughed back then.

Mom, now I know why, when I was young, you let me come in quietly and brush your hair on Saturday mornings so you could sleep a little longer. Life with little ones is exhausting, and even a smidge more sleep is worth a lot. I, too, joyfully accept every extra wink I can snag.

Mom, now I know why you said your knees hurt, and how you felt like you sounded just like your mother. You weren't complaining... they really do hurt! And now I sound just like you, and every time I do, I think of you.

Mom, now I know why you were exhausted at the end of your days. Life with little ones can be so tiring. And when we were older, you worked too. And served in church. And made time for gardening and taco nights. Now I understand... at least some.

Mom, now I know how little I really know. I can't imagine having a little girl who I'd scrimped and saved so that she could go to a weekend enrichment camp squander it by staying up late and getting kicked out. I can't imagine having a teenager who I'd loved and cherished and given up my life for say the things I said to you, or make such horrible choices. I can't imagine seeing that daughter say and do the foolish things I did.

Mom, now I know that your example of steadfast love and continual extending of grace was costly. I treated it like it was cheap, but I know it must have nearly cost you your soul. I can only pray that I will be one-tenth of the gracious and loving mom to my kids that you were to me. In my heart, I greedily want to ask that my kids won't need the crazy amount of grace that I required... but I know they are human and, like me, God may allow them to experience sanctification and challenges in their lives in ways that would not be the ones I'd custom-pick.

Mom, now I know that I've had a rich example of love-- real love-- right in front of me my whole life, and I know that my kids are going to need it. I find myself praying now that I can love-- with unfailing patience, kindness, and forbearance-- like you.

Thank you, Mom. I love you more with each passing year. It kind of stinks that it takes all this living to really see what someone else did for you, but there it is. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but now I know.

Love,
Jessica

Going Deeper

I've been enjoying a new book I picked up last week... it's called "Keys to the Deeper Life", and has spoken very specifically to some questions and issues that have come up in my heart, mind, and life in the past year or so. Nearly 50 years ago, A.W. Tozer wrote these little essays and they are still so relevant today.

Tozer begins with a discussion of evangelical Christians and the oft-sought goal of "revival". After describing the mediocre, lukewarm faith of the church of his day, he offered this comment... how much more true I find it to be today!

A religion, even popular Christianity, could enjoy a boom altogether divorced from the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and so leave the church of the next generation worse off than it would have been if the boom had never occurred... It is my considered opinion that under the present circumstances we do not want revival at all. A widespread revival of the kind of Christianity we know today in America might prove to be a moral tragedy from which we would not recover in a hundred years.

He points to an excessive focus on scholarship and intellectual assent without a parallel dependence on the Spirit of God as a major problem within the modern church. Because of this, he says,

"...The basic doctines were there, but the climate was just not as favorable to the sweet fruits of the Spirit. ...The resultant experience is wholly mental."

Without an understanding of the Spirit at work in our hearts & lives, Tozer contends that we are left to then try to keep ourselves in line, tending either toward legalism or license, rather than leaning on the Spirit within. And that, all too often, we bend towards the world in our lifestyle as believers. Now, hold onto your hats; this next paragraph--written in 1957!!!-- is so very relevant today.

"The separating line between the Church and the world has been all but obliterated. Aside from a few of the grosser sins [although, in 2009, even those are included in the following description], the sins of the unregenerated world are now approved by a shocking number of professedly "born again" Christians, and copied eagerly. Young Christians take as their models the rankest kind of worldlings and try to be as much like them as possible. ...The moral climate is not that of the New Testament, but that of Hollywood... Most evanglicals no long initiate; they imitate, and the world is their model."

He challenges us to return to not only creedal/confessional New Testament faith, but also in our manner of life. He describes it this way: "separation, obedience, humility, simplicity, gravity, self-control, modesty, cross bearing..." These words are like a foreign language to most Christians of our generation. Modesty brings to mind rules about hemlines rather than an attitude of humility. Gravity brings to mind physical science laws rather than a sobreity and seriousness of person. Simplicity? Cross-bearing? These are not ideas on which we often choose to dwell.

Suppose, he asks, what would an angel think if he left the glorious, eternal presence of God, and came down to live awhile among us. Tozer (I think, rightly) contends that that angel would be shocked at the comfortable lack of spiritual focus in the lives of the average Christian today, and he offers this challenging assessment:

"The bold claims that we are sons of God, that we are risen with Christ and seated with Him in heavenly places, that we are indwelt by the life-giving Spirit, that we are members of the body of Christ and children of the new creation, are negated by our attitudes, our behavior, and most of all, by our lack of fervor and the absence of a spirit of worship within us."

Indeed, he sadly states that the reason he chose the title, "Keys to the Deeper Life" was not because he is challenging the church to go deeper than the New Testament asks it to go... but "because the average Christian life is tragically shallow".


Thoughts? Comments? I confess, I have so much to learn about really walking in the Spirit and letting His fruit develop and ripen in my life. Is God convicting you of any of these areas or ideas? Are you diving deeper in the Christian life?

Sanitizing the Suffering Right Out of our Lives

We've probably all heard about people who sanitize their homes to the point that they, and their entire families, are always sick. It's a vicious cycle... they think there are more germs, so they clean more, and are thus giving their kids' bodies less and less opportunities to really do combat with germs, so they get sick more.

Long story short, a completely bleached house does not a good immune system make.

Nor does a life sanitized of suffering lead to good character.

LIFE ON EASY STREET
We live in a time in the world where you can pretty much set yourself up to have quite an easy life. As Americans, we are the most isolated, comfort-driven nation, probably in the history of the world. We can "have it your way" in virtually every area of our lives, big or small.

• Don't like the city you live in? Move!
  
• Don't like your spouse? Get a new one.
  
• Don't like your car? Trade it in!
• Friendship get uncomfortable? "Defriend" them (on Facebook) and avoid all contact.
  
• Don't like the inconvenience of pregnancy? Avoid the hassle through any number of available methods!
• Don't like your boss? Put in your notice and look elsewhere.
• Don't like the service you received? Complain!
  
• Don't like feeling variances in temperature? Set your thermostat so you always have it precisely where you like it.
• Don't get along with someone at your church? Find a new one.

And on and on it could go.

But there's just one problem with this-- as Christians, God has built suffering into our lives for good and godly and GLORIOUS purposes:

• Suffering teaches us to how to endure with hope.
• Suffering with Christ is a witness that we really are children of God.
• However heavy the suffering is, the weight of it can remind us of just how much more glorious the coming days will be.
• Suffering reveals our shared humanity and gives us the opportunity to act as the body of Christ.
• Going through times of suffering teaches us how God comforts us, so that we can comfort others with that same God-given comfort.
• It is a gift to not only be able to believe in Christ, but to suffer for Him.
• Suffering gives us new eyes to see that so many things we value are really as rubbish in comparison with knowing Christ.
• Suffering is part of God's boot camp and trains us to be stronger.
• Times of suffering give us reference points of God's faithfulness to prepare us for future suffering, and remind us to look with joy towards His future eternal faithfulness.
• Suffering drives us to prayer.
• Everyone suffers, whether for foolish things or good things. If it's God's will that you suffer, it's better that it be for doing good.
• Suffering reminds us that we aren't in control, and that we can rejoice in Christ-- the bearer of the Name Above All Names.
• Suffering unites us with hurting Christians around the world and can quicken our minds and hearts to pray for them.

The Word makes it clear that as humans, we will suffer, and even moreso, as Christians, we will suffer. Though it's painful, unpleasant, and often leaves us sore and shocked, we should not run from the suffering God has placed in our lives. I can tell you, from our experiences-- with unexplained sickness, miscarriages, and facing unexpected life changes, which is still nothing compared to the suffering of so many-- that suffering does indeed teach endurance. It is valuable for one's character. It absolutely can deepen faith in Christ. It gives us a oneness with other hurting people. Suffering moves us to prayer. It teaches us more about how to comfort and love others who are hurting. It gives a deeply needed perspective in our highly-controlled, highly-comfortable lives.

Please hear me-- I'm not saying we should seek to suffer. Nor that we should never seek to change a situation if there is pain or discomfort.

But what I am saying is that when your marriage relationship is discouraging, or when there is no fruit on the vine of your life, or when you've been publicly humiliated, or when sickness has taken hold, or when a relationship gets extremely uncomfortable, or when you suffer deep loss, or when there seems to be nothing left, or when it would just be easier to leave and find a new church, or when everything looks bleak, or when you lose your job, or when you have overdrawn your account, CHRIST IS THERE. HE knows suffering. HE bore suffering. He will walk with you and teach you unspeakable things in some of the lowest moments if you'll let Him.

Don't be tempted to sanitize suffering out of your life... pray. Look for what He will do. Be patient. Don't run from it-- endure! Read of His sufferings. Dare to hope. Cling to Christ!