Mom, Now I Know

I'm not even 30 yet, Mom, and there are so many things that I see now that I could not have (or would not have) seen before... and I want to honor and thank you publicly.

Mom, now I know why you laughed when we made comments about things that happened when you were a kid being "old". Because I certainly don't feel old, but today, the boys were talking about a show, and I told them it was from when I was a kid. They both agreed, "yeah, that's old." I laughed. Now I realize that you didn't feel old either (and weren't!), and that's why you laughed back then.

Mom, now I know why, when I was young, you let me come in quietly and brush your hair on Saturday mornings so you could sleep a little longer. Life with little ones is exhausting, and even a smidge more sleep is worth a lot. I, too, joyfully accept every extra wink I can snag.

Mom, now I know why you said your knees hurt, and how you felt like you sounded just like your mother. You weren't complaining... they really do hurt! And now I sound just like you, and every time I do, I think of you.

Mom, now I know why you were exhausted at the end of your days. Life with little ones can be so tiring. And when we were older, you worked too. And served in church. And made time for gardening and taco nights. Now I understand... at least some.

Mom, now I know how little I really know. I can't imagine having a little girl who I'd scrimped and saved so that she could go to a weekend enrichment camp squander it by staying up late and getting kicked out. I can't imagine having a teenager who I'd loved and cherished and given up my life for say the things I said to you, or make such horrible choices. I can't imagine seeing that daughter say and do the foolish things I did.

Mom, now I know that your example of steadfast love and continual extending of grace was costly. I treated it like it was cheap, but I know it must have nearly cost you your soul. I can only pray that I will be one-tenth of the gracious and loving mom to my kids that you were to me. In my heart, I greedily want to ask that my kids won't need the crazy amount of grace that I required... but I know they are human and, like me, God may allow them to experience sanctification and challenges in their lives in ways that would not be the ones I'd custom-pick.

Mom, now I know that I've had a rich example of love-- real love-- right in front of me my whole life, and I know that my kids are going to need it. I find myself praying now that I can love-- with unfailing patience, kindness, and forbearance-- like you.

Thank you, Mom. I love you more with each passing year. It kind of stinks that it takes all this living to really see what someone else did for you, but there it is. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but now I know.

Love,
Jessica

18 comments:

Mom said...

Well, I have gone through several tissues, and have had a great cry! WOW! You couldn't have known how much I needed this letter today, but God did. And, I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I already do, but somehow I do. You amaze me more and more every day, and this letter just tops it all off. I thank God each and every day for you. How wonderful that you have come to these understandings, and have turned around and given me such a blessing. You are my precious daughter, and I love you more than words can say.

Katie LaPierre said...

so sweet! I wish I had a relationship with my mother like this Jess. way to honor and encourage your mom.

linda said...

Wow, what a great post. I have an almost 10 year old daughter and I find myself thinking of the rotten things I said to my mom and the attitude I had. I don't know how I can bear that. I pray daily for the Lord to be with me and my daughter as she goes through these pre teen years ahead. I pray for the love and diligence that it sounds like your mom had. Great post.

Persuaded said...

oh how sweet, how precious... both your "letter" to your mama, and then her comments back to you. thanks for letting us peek through the window of your relationship just for a moment♥

Barbara H. said...

What a sweet letter. We surely do understand our moms better and appreciate them more as we get older.

Polly said...

This is fantastic! All the things we should be saying to our mothers. I am glad you are able to do so. How many times in the past 8 years have I wished I could say similar things to my mom--she died when I was 23. Fortunately, I'd already started saying some of those things to her then!

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

What a beautiful, beautiful letter, Jess. Thanks for sharing.

Ruth MacC said...

Ah, this is lovely and your mum's response is lovely too.

What does the Bible say about your children rising up and calling you blessed?! You just did that for her.

Yesterday I was tallking to my husband about shop assistants. I used the word 'kids' while talking about them and realised that if they are old enough to work and I still see them as kids, well I must be old!!!

(44!)

Amy said...

I continue to be blessed by the sweet relationship between you and your mother. Truer because it's been tried.

Thanks for the example of rising up and blessing our parents Jess.

Amy B.

Tanya said...

Beautiful. Love it.

{Life Is Good} said...

This my favorite post yet, Jess! Something we all realize but may not take the time to say. You have inspired me.

Jules said...

What a lovely tribute to your Mom.

RockerWife said...

That was priceless. Beautifully said.

Catherine R. said...

Jess, I can imagine that this expression you've made here could possibly be one of *the* most rewarding things a parent of an adult child could hope for.

I am growing in grace for my own mother, despite divorces, addictions and much harshness towards me. If I ever write this letter it will look different.

Anyhow, I am sure you've inspired quite a few moms with moms : )

Susan @ HeartPondering said...

Having a godly and righteous mother is one of the best blessings God can give us. My mom, like yours, is one of the biggests assets in my life. She is my inspiration as a mother. I wrote about the legacy she has passed onto me in recent post that reminded me, in some ways, of this-http://heartpondering.wordpress.com/2009/05/10/the-legacy-of-christian-mothering/

May we all continue to grow into these kinds of moms!

Thanks for the post

Lydia said...

This post reminds me of the verse that says "Her children will rise up and call her blessed." That is exactly what you are doing here.

A beautiful post! I really couldn't put it any better but so often I feel the same way.

Kristin said...

Beautiful! About a month ago, I wrote a tribute to my mom on my blog. It was a great way to tell my mom what she really means to me now as an adult, looking back!

mrs. c said...

lovely!