When People "Rub You the Wrong Way"

Did ya ever meet or spend time with someone who makes you feel like THIS?!?


And did that person happen to be a professing Christian, maybe even a part of your church?

Well then, this post is for you!


I was just listening to a sermon from the pastor in the church where I "grew up" spiritually. (Not where I went to church as a kid, but where we started going when I was 15. When Doug & I moved back to that area, we returned to that church... so it's where I've grown up spiritually.) And can I just say here that I LOVE mp3s and downloadable sermons?! Sometime, I'll have to do a post about all the great online resources where you can get spiritual "meat" for FREE!!!

Anyway, back to my pastor. His sermon was all about having patience with people who get under your skin. Particularly, it was about people in the Body of Christ. Those people that go to church with you that drive you bananas every Sunday. The lady in the choir who seems so showy with her expressions and movements. The man who never manages to have a nice word to say to anyone. The lady who gabs and jabs and never talks about anything of significance. The guy who, every Sunday, shakes your hand and occupies your time in a shallow conversation for WAY too long while you could be talking to friends. The lady who looks down her nose at everyone around her and makes you feel inferior and judged. We've all met at least one person in the Body of Christ who makes us feel totally annoyed and/or frustrated.

And to hear my pastor tell it, it's good for us. Colossians 3 talks about how we really live the Christian life... what we're to "take off" (like moral impurity) and what we're to "put on" : compassion, kindness, meekness, humbleness of mind ... and then in verse 12, he mentions "patience".

There are two words for patience that show up in the New Testament:

• The first is for patience under trials... for when you're under a heavy burden. It's a kind of patience driven by hope that God is using this trial to accomplish something, knowing that God will bring me through it on the other side with stronger faith. But this is not the word that is used here.
  
• The second word, which is the one used in this passage, is for patience with people. This passage is all about interacting with other people, so that's not surprising that this would be the word used for patience in this section.

He said it this way:

"Now you see, God has designed our lives in such a way that certain qualities can only be built in our life by having irritating people to come into our life. ... So you're gonna have some irritating people in your life. Sometimes, they'll be in your family. ...Sometimes it'll be somebody you married, and you didn't know how irritating they were when you married 'em. ... So you may find that one of the irritating people with whom you need to have patience is your spouse. It may be your parents; it may be your children. But then, it may be within the body of Christ. And I really believe that's what Paul has in mind here. He's talking about relationships within the body."

Consider how many people love a church until they get to know the people in it. He quoted an old poem,

"To dwell above with those we love,
That will be glory.
But to dwell below with those we know,
Well, that's a different story."

You may not deal with this if you are not interacting deeply with people at church. But when you really dig in and actually get to know people on an authentic level, and when you are vitally plugged in to a local church body, as my pastor said,

"Praise God, YOU will be one of somebody's irritating people. Now I know all of you were thinking, 'well, if I do that, I'm going to come across some irritating people,' and that's true. But you're gonna BE someone's irritating person too."

Offenses are going to come, because:
1- I'm a sinner
2- You're a sinner
3- That is the way that God has designed for growth to come in each of our lives.

He said that the way patience manifests itself is this:

"When I'm around someone that irritates me, how do I have patience with them?"

1- "Remember that God has been patient with you." (Think of all the sinful and silly/stupid things you've done in your life, and yet God has been patient with you and not thrown you away.)
2-"There are always factors that you don't understand in other people's lives." (The person who REALLY drives you crazy "probably has things going on way back in their past that you don't know about... and there may be some factors as recent as 30 minutes ago that you don't know about.")
3- "Remember that you are not the Holy Spirit. There are only THREE seats in the Trinity, and you don't occupy any one of them." The Holy Spirit convicts people. YOUR job is to pray for people and love them... there is a time for admonishing one another with Scripture- but that should be done if you have built a relationship and if you come with a prayerful humble attitude... not with bitterness or frustration in our hearts.)
4- "Remember that God is working in their life." Remember Saul of Tarsus? He started out killing Christians- NOBODY in the church liked him. "Yet God had him as a chosen vessel" to do His work. So when somebody is just irritating the tar out of you, just think, you know, God might marvelously use them. He is at work in their life!

He ended with this... it is nearly impossible for GOOD to come out of someone telling someone else off. But there may be times when, with relationship and love intact, a scriptural admonishment (using the Word of God to share truth in love) may be in order. But, he warns us with a couple final thoughts:

"Be careful about giving someone a piece of your mind
...you might not have that much to spare!"

- Be biblical, not emotional. -
- You're not responsible for THEIR choices. -
- You ARE responsible for YOUR choices. -

I hope this encourages and challenges you as it did me. Anything you'd like to share or add?

Myers-Briggs #4: Feeling (F) Vs. Thinking (T)

This is the fourth in a six-part series. To read the first posts of this series, click on any of the following:

• Why Study Personality Types?
• Extravert (E) vs. Introvert (I)
• Sensing (S) vs. Intuitive (N)

This third letter of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities, F for Feeling or T for Thinking, is the letter that indicates how we make our decisions. For example, someone who is an "F" will often make their decisions based on feelings, values, and the importance of the relationships involved in a decision. A "T" will tend to make their decisions based on a logical consideration (reasons/consequences) of each situation or decision that arises. Remember that each of these preferences (E/I, S/N, F/T, and J/P) are not really either-ors. You're likely not 100% one or the other. Each pair exists on a scale like this:

F - - - - - - - - - - - x - - - - - - - - - - - T

Just like all of the eight options on the MBTI scale, we all use some of both of these two qualities. But most of us have a preference, even if it is a slight leaning one way or the other, between the two options. Here's a brief intro to the Feeling and Thinking functions of the MBTI:

Something interesting about this letter distinction is that it is the only pairing that is directly related to gender. Every other pairing is pretty much evenly split between men and women, but this letter pair is not. Depending on what book or resource you read, anywhere from 66-80% of women are feelers, and 66%-80% of men are thinkers. This gives interesting insights into male-female interactions and the marriage relationship (even if you fall into the minority for your gender, there is something to be learned from these gender norms). Let's explore each of these letters a little more closely:

F for FEELING (quotes from "LIFETypes" by Hirsh and Kummerow)
The "F" personality places primary importance on the relationships and values surrounding a decision. While they may employ logic and reason to reach a conclusion, they will do so in order to reach their values-based and relationship-focused goals. "Feelers have harmony as an objective", and "make decisions with their heart". A feeler will likely choose "tactfulness over truthfulness" (which may not necessarily mean that they lie), and may overlook points of disagreement in order to keep a relationship.

An "F" personality will focus on the relational aspects of a meeting or event first, and will then "get down to business". Communication is often focused on people, relationships and interpersonal issues rather than tasks and objectives, and the "F" personality will "convince others of her view with personally meaningful information enthusiastically delivered". When presented with new information, the feeler prefers to "agree with others' findings, believing people are worth listening to."

From others, the "F" appreciates honest inquiries into their well-being and emotional state. They "need harmony in order to work most effectively". The "F" personality will often go out of their way to please or help others, according to their likes and dislikes (how this is carried out may be governed by the E/I preference--E's showing more extraverted ways of caring, and I's showing their concern more subtly). Feeling types "tend to be concerned with finding what is of value or what is important to themselves and others."

T for THINKING
To the thinking personality, "it is the logical reasons... that are important in making a decision." Thinking types do have and will sometimes employ values and emotions, if these are useful in supporting their "logical conclusions". Truth is a primary objective for the thinker, and she will decide with her head rather than her heart. Encounters with people are seen in light of their purpose.

When a "T" is in charge of a meeting, tasks and objectives will come first, and she will convince others of her position "by cool, impersonal, logical reasoning." The thinker will notice ineffective reasoning and usually prefers to "question others' finding, believing their findings may be inaccurate."

Relationally, the "T" personality will focus realistically or sometimes even critically on others. Harmony is appreciated, but the Thinker "can get along without it and still be effective at work." She may "hurt people's feelings without being aware of it", as she "readily offers criticism or suggestions for improvement."

EACH PERSONALITY AT HER WORST
The "F" personality has some potential pitfalls. If the Feeler allows her emotions to rule, she may misjudge the issues surrounding decisions that ought to be made through logic and reason. If she becomes preoccupied with feelings, truth and logic may get tossed to the side. Meetings may become ineffective if she does not intentionally go about limiting interpersonal discussions to accomplish the objectives. Additionally, she may become ruled by her heart and be very easily offended, wearing her heart on her sleeve, and making it impossible to have a rational discussion about real issues.
The thinker, on the other hand, has her flaws too. In group situations, she can come off as cold and unfeeling if she does not allow for relational interaction and becomes too focused on the tasks at hand. She may be seen as hardhearted if she does not give credence to legitimate feelings and gut-reactions of others. Her words may be cruel and cutting if not measured with grace and an awareness of the people around her. Particularly in work or task-focused situations, she will need to make an effort to place importance on relationships and the feelings of others.


IF YOU CAN'T DECIDE WHICH LETTER YOU ARE
Whether you can't tell if you're 100% E/I, S/N, T/F, or J/P, one of the things that may help you is to realize that many people are close to the line on at least one of these preferences. Remember the scale at the top? With all four options, it would look like this:

E - - - - - - - - - - - - -X- - - - - - - - - - - - - I

S - - - - - - - - - - - - -X- - - - - - - - - - - - - N
T - - - - - - - - - - - - -X- - - - - - - - - - - - - F
J - - - - - - - - - - - - -X- - - - - - - - - - - - - P

And on each pair of letters, you may fall at a different point on the line. For example, I am very close to the "X" on the last letter, but I am slightly to the right, towards the P. Which means I do not exhibit ALL of the traits of a "P", and I may not exhibit most of them to a strong degree. Someone who is the "life of the party" and "could talk to a wall" would certainly be very, very close to the farthest left side of the top scale, making them an extreme extravert.

So as you read through the various descriptions and details of each letter, if you find yourself saying, "I can fit both of these letters at different times", or "I think I'm more of a balance than either of those extremes", well then you just might be an "X" on that particular letter. To get the most benefit from the personality descriptions in books or online, you would want to read both descriptions.

For example, if you can't quite decide between the E & the I preferences, but you are clearly an S, clearly an F, and clearly a J, well then you would want to read both the ESFJ and the ISFJ personality descriptions, to get the fullest picture of your strengths, weaknesses, relational abilities, and things to watch out for. Once you read them both, you may find that you line up more with one than the other, or you may decide that you are just flat out an "X" on that particular preference. I hope this helps those of you who have said "I'm having trouble deciding between these two options"... you may find that reading both personalities helps you determine which you are, or you may just be a really great blend of both.



God made a wide array of people, and this is just one tool to help you know others and yourself better. I hope that it's helpful to you as you learn more about yourself and the other people in your life, to give grace for the way God made each of us to be individuals, and to help you to become more like Him in your interactions with others!





[Again, if you haven't yet done so, I would encourage you to go to my sidebar, click on the link that says "Free Jung Word Test", and then go read about your personality (you'll need to click on the four letters of your MBTI result). Then you get to decide- is that really you? And then leave a comment, cause I'd really like to hear about it!]

Show and Tell: Unpacking Some O' the Things On My Mind

HOUSEWIFERY & BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD:

• VINEGAR!!! I have been adding in a little vinegar to each load of whites I do, and I am really astounded at how much the "gray" that can sometimes set in (particularly to underwear/bra stitching and the like) just comes right out with a little vinegar added to the wash! Here's a link to a great article about many uses for vinegar: I Heart Vinegar.
  
• Encouragement for any wife or mom: HE SEES.
• STUFF! Overwhelmed with an abundance of knick-knacks, junk, toys, and boxes of who-knows-what? Pop over to Sara's place to get motivated to deal with your stuff!
• What Does the Bible Say About Modesty? An interesting look at the modest heart, by Min The Gap.
  

PARENTING:

• Let me share with you a post full with WISE thoughts on biblical parenting in an age of pop-child-psychology and worldly parenting methodologies. My friend has been burdened by an increase in the use of labels and medication when dealing with good old-fashioned sinful problems in children. I think her post is dead-on, and we Christian parents need more of this truth in our hearts and minds.
• Family Scripture Memorization: (I got this link from another blog, so you may have already seen it, but I just wanted to encourage you to begin doing this as a family.) Take less than 5 minutes a day and read through a passage together, memorizing it one line at a time. Over the course of a month (easy, possibly less), that passage will be written on the hearts and minds of your family. We have begun memorizing Psalm 1 together as a family, and my heart has already been encouraged by the questions and conversations it has spurred on.
• The Contempt Shown to Parents of Large Families- Until we told people that we were expecting our third baby (two years ago), I hadn't experienced this level of interpersonal rudeness over any issue in my life. Now that I'm pregnant again, some of the responses have convinced me all the more that this article is often, sadly, true. Should God give us another child at some point in the future, I find myself wanting to wait to tell certain people about it until we call them from the hospital when he/she is born. And sadly, that's not a joke; I'm entirely serious.
• Having griped about the negative response we sometimes get about the size of our "brood", let me echo Amy's words, celebrating God's faithfulness, in her series, "LIFE WITH THREE UNDER THREE".
  
• For those of you who have asked, I found a website for analyzing your children's MBTI personality types. It helps narrow down the options and is less specific for younger children (since, as I mentioned, it is much more difficult to "type" a young child).
• Radical environmentalism at its worst: saving the earth from children? How about instead being a steward of the earth FOR our children?!
• I'd never heard of this woman or this song until I visited this site... and no, I'm not typically a fan of country music, but this song is EXTREMELY touching and speaks volumes about the value of each precious child, in a very poignant way.
• A mom of seven offers a challenge for birth control proponents: What good thing on the planet is purposely prevented? (An interesting question and discussion... you can read my comments and conversation with the author if you scroll down). I've always thought this is a good question in general to make people think about how they view children.
  
• Okay, now for a little levity: (warning, not for young readers or for old readers who may be offended by a little language)- I can't vouch for the entire site, but this woman is hilarious in her no-holds-barred critiques of baby names!
  

COOKING:

• Musings of a Housewife has shared a PB CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE recipe
• EmmyJMommy shared four of her favorite, delicious recipes (the BREAKFAST PIE & CHICKEN CORN CHOWDER sound particularly good!)
• Tamara (of "Of Noble Character"- which she has- I can vouch for her!) offered up a scrumptious-sounding recipe for Zucchini Bread.
• M4-D Ranch Recipes: This woman has got a wide variety of recipes that sound absolutely delicious!
• A simple pasta sauce recipe to use up extra tomatoes!
  
• Looking for some new recipes or new ideas to add to your weekly menu? Here's a great website that tells you the recipe, what to shop for, all the options you can add in to each meal/recipe, and is FREE: Menus4Moms

ODDS AND ENDS:

• Alex & Brett Harris, those guys who started the Rebelution, have joined the ever-growing camp of Huckabee supporters. CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO they put together of Huckabee's message, from debates, interviews, and speeches. It's the best I've seen.
• HIJACKERS! Post hijackers, that is! Read it and see if you are one! :)
• To spew or not to spew? Everyday Mommy suggests that humorous bloggers should use a little icon to warn readers that they may not want to drink beverages while reading their posts. I second this motion! If your post is going to be hilarious, give us a little warning: PUT DOWN THE DRINKS! (And you know who you are, dcrmom!)
• Why is Hollywood Afraid of Abortions? by Al Mohler
  
• Here's an interesting article about friendships among women. A quote from one of my favorite authors is included in this article: "C.S. Lewis says that we know we've made a friend when we can say to the other, 'What, you too?' "

Lots of links here... I hope you find some good reading among all these random thoughts/links unpacked from my brain!

Myers-Briggs #3: Sensing (S) Vs. Intutive (N)

NOTE: It's been a while since we've talked about personality types & tests ... but I'm jumping back in to things a little bit at a time. (To jump to the beginning of this series, click here. To read about the first letter, the E/I, or Extravert/Introvert preferences, click here.)

This second letter of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities, S for Sensing or N for Intuitive (since I is already used to indicate Introversion), is often the most difficult to discern, for all you fellow people-watchers out there.

This letter actually refers to the way you take in and process information, for example, whether you use information available to your senses or tend to "go with your gut". But even that is a simplistic explanation. Though the characteristics of this part of a person's personality happen internally, there are external "cues" that can help us determine our own or someone else's "type". Let's dive in and you'll gradually see what I mean. Remember that each of these preferences (E/I, S/N, F/T, and J/P) are not really either-ors. You're likely not 100% one or the other. Each pair exists on a scale like this:

S - - - - - - - - - - - x - - - - - - - - - - - N

Just like all of the eight options on the MBTI scale, we all use some of both of these two qualities. But most of us have a preference, even if it is a slight leaning one way or the other, between the two options. The easiest way that I discern between these two letters is this: "S" personalities tend to be very "here and now, and hands-on", and "N" personalities tend to be "future and possibilities-oriented".

Here's a brief intro to the Sensing and Intuitive functions of the MBTI:

S for SENSING
The "S" personality generally takes in information from the world through her five senses. She reads what is written on a page and receives that information as it is written. She may enjoy working with her hands. This person often remembers the past and thinks about the present in terms of specific details.

A person with the "S" preference will often do well with detailed information, data gathering, or things that require careful attention. She is the person on a team who thinks of the "little" things that need to be done that make the "big" thing work properly. She starts with the facts and then works towards understanding the big picture. Hands-on experience is important for the "S" preference. She is usually focused on the actual, the tangible, the here and now... these things make up "reality" for the woman with a Sensing preference.

N for INTUITIVE
The "N" personality takes in information, preferring to think and talk about the big picture, the overarching themes, and the general philosophy of the issue at hand. She reads between the lines of what is written on the page, and sees what is not said, what is implied, and perceives the general themes of what she is reading. She relies on "hunches" and impressions to understand things or people, and then will move towards facts and details. She may actually skip over details if they are not perceived as important. Rather than focusing in on details of memories, she remembers impressions and important themes about past events.

This person is the one you want as a vision-caster, to help a team catch the big picture of a project or event. She is the person on the team who will think up grand ideas and see possibilities that no one else sees. She is usually focused on the possible, the future, and opportunities that may exist... these things make up "reality" for the woman with an INTUITIVE preference.

EACH PERSONALITY AT HER WORST
The "S" personality may easily get bogged down in the details of life, unwilling and unable to see the real possibilities and opportunities that exist. She may become annoyed with someone who is always planning and dreaming but does not ever discuss the details or the "here and now". She may miss opportunities because she is so focused on present details.

The "N" personality may forget to look at the details, and may proceed too quickly with a less-than well-planned idea. Or, because she is so full of ideas, she may only rarely translate ideas into reality. She may become annoyed with someone who is only willing to talk about details, facts, and the present, even if those details are pertinent to the task at hand.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE MBTI
One of the neat things about this personality type indicator is that it is not a test. You don't take it and that's the end of the story. You take it, and then you look at your life and see if you think it's accurate. You can read personality descriptions and see if the four letters that were assigned to you actually describe you and how you live, how you think, how you operate. Remember that some people can slide up or down on the scale, getting weaker or stronger within their preference, or even changing preferences, throughout their lifetimes. Certain letters will be more or less strong depending on your environment, the people around you, and the things you do in life.

So, go to my sidebar, click on the link that says "Free Jung Word Test", and then go read about your personality (you'll need to click on the four letters of your MBTI result). Then you get to decide- is that really you? And then leave a comment, cause I'd really like to hear about it!

***PLEASE NOTE: This information has been adapted from
Lifetypes, and from www.myersbriggs.org, and from my
personal reading about MBTI over the past few years.

Myers-Briggs #2: Extravert (E) Vs. Introvert (I)

This first letter of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities, E for Extravert or I for Introvert, can sometimes be the easiest to tell. We all know people who "never meet a stranger" and are the last one to leave a party because they could indeed talk to anyone they meet, and we all know people who blend into the background, always seem engrossed in their personal thoughts, and may seem shy or withdrawn. It is easy to pinpoint one of these people as an "E" and the other as an "I".

But many of us fall somewhere between those two extremes. It is important to realize that the E/I pairing is not an either/or. We all may exhibit some qualities of both ends of the spectrum. And I want to caution you to avoid thinking of Extravert and Introvert in the typical way we use these words in everyday conversation. The MBTI meaning for these words has to do with how people are energized. Here's a brief (and generalized--not every "E" characteristic will fit every "E" person, and not every "I" characteristic will fit every "I" person) overview of what each letter means:

E for EXTRAVERT
The "E" personality draws her energy from action and interacting with people. She is stimulated from the people and things outside of herself. More often than not, she will talk about the things on her mind. While this person may be "the life of the party", this may also be a person who just enjoys interacting with one or two close friends. The "E" refers more to the fact that this person draws energy from other people and things. An "E" may feel drained or down if she has too much alone time, and will walk away from time with friends energized and happy.

An "E" may be energized by her busy schedule or by the people around her. She "may be described as outgoing, friendly, or talkative". When things happen or are particularly important to her, she feels compelled to talk it through. She may prefer working in an activity- or people-based environment. Too much silence will depress or drain her.

I for INTROVERT
The "I" personality draws her energy from her ideas, emotions, and impressions. She gets energy from time alone. More often than not, according to LifeTypes, "if you want to know what she is thinking, you may have to ask." While this person may be the classic "wallflower", this may be a person who enjoys people well enough but really needs time for reflection and for themselves. The "I" refers more to the fact that this person is internally energized. An "I" personality will walk away from time by herself feeling more energized and having stored up a reserve of energy, and will walk away from too much time with other people feeling like she needs time alone, perhaps to process or regroup.

An "I" may enjoy time reading, listening to music, and relaxing, and this will renew her strength. She may be described as "pleasant, reserved, or quiet". When things happen or are particularly important to her, she feels compelled to think and reflect on it before speaking about it (and she may not speak about it in the end!). She may "enjoy a work setting that is quiet and private, and that allows for concentration on the task." Too much activity and noise will frustrate and distract her.

EACH PERSONALITY AT HER WORST
Here are the general "pitfalls" of each type, and suggestions for how to handle these weaknesses:

• The Extravert may act and speak carelessly, saying or doing things "off the cuff" without thinking through their statements. She would do well to "take more time to reflect" and think through her words before speaking, and weigh her actions more carefully before acting.
• The Introvert may underestimate her ability to contribute to conversations and interactions. She would do well to speak her thoughts more readily and make use of the appropriate times for sharing her thoughts.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT PERSONALITY-TYPING!!!
Remember that these are generalizations, and all characteristics may not fit you, but that you are trying to determine which one is a "best fit". The MBTI letter pairings (E - I, S - N, F - T, and J - P) exist on a scale. Most people are not 100% one or the other, so we all will have a little of each. But what you want to do is choose the category that best fits your normal interactions. Look at it this way:

E - - - - - - - - - - - X - - x - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I

For example, I am about 60% extraverted, where the red X is. I still enjoy time alone (we all do, to some degree or another), and I enjoy reading, and if I've been out all week, I definitely need time to recuperate. But if I'm at a get-together with some close friends, I'm the one who could stay and talk with my friends literally all night long. I need to talk things through with my husband when things are on my mind. If I only had myself to talk to and be around, it would drive me crazy fairly quickly. I am energized by talking about the world and my thoughts about it with the people around me. These are the things that make me an extravert.

One of the things that sets the MBTI apart from other "tests" (the MBTI is not actually accurately called a test, and here's why) is that the results are only seen as accurate if you agree and confirm them. This is not some super-imposed thing like an IQ test that implies, "This is what you are, whether or not you like it or agree." I would encourage you to take the results you got and think about the E/I preference in light of all that I've just written. It's up to you to decide if you think the "E" or "I" fits you.

So, what say you? Perhaps you were surprised by your test results (If you haven't yet taken the test, I'd encourage you to go take the test now, so you can join in our discussion.). I hope this helps clear up the misconceptions about Extraversion and Introversion (which mostly occur because of the way we use these words in common language). After learning a little more, what do you think about your own results? Anything you want to share or reflect on regarding the E & I preferences?

(PLEASE NOTE: All quotations and general structure of the information
derived from the book, LifeTypes, by Sandra Hirsh and Jean Kummerow.
All images used by permission from inmagine.com.)

Myers-Briggs #1: Personality Types

WHY STUDY PERSONALITY TYPES?
Learning about personality types can help us in so many ways. I'll just list out a few here:

• It helps us understand ourselves. We begin to comprehend more of why we are the way we are, and it helps understand that God made us to be a certain way... and how to use our natural personality to serve Him more effectively.
• It helps us understand others. When we understand why we differ from others, and in what ways they differ from us, we can better understand why others act, speak, and think the way they do.
  
• It helps us give grace. Suddenly, we become aware that Suzie in our small group isn't just trying to be frustrating... she's the way she is to a large degree because she was made that way. Or we can finally see that a child that "gets on my last nerve" is actually just different from us in big ways, and we can begin to appreciate (rather than resent) those differences.

HOW TO KNOW YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE?
You can take the test that's over to the right in the sidebar, under my reading list. And then, as we go through the different letters and what they mean, you'll be able to confirm or change your personality type, based on your own feelings and observations about your life. The thing that is interesting about the MBTI is that it's not just a "test" that tells you what you are. It makes a suggestion about what the answers point to, and then you confirm it or change it based on your knowledge about your own life. I'd suggest you go take the test so you have a basis for thinking about this as we begin the discussion. (FYI: it's called the "Jung" test, but both the Jung and MBTI share the same roots, so this is the best thing you can get for free on the internet.)

HOW TO USE PERSONALITY TYPES?
Not only is it helpful to be able to analyze why you and others do the things you do, in the ways that you do, but also, I find it is helpful to begin to know how better to interact with certain people. For example, if you're in a small group setting, it may be helpful to know some of the basic "types" of the people in your group, so that you can communicate most effectively. If you're in a work environment or on a team, knowing the personalities of the people around you can be very helpful.

ISN'T IT A BIT NAIVE TO THINK THAT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FALLS INTO 16 CATEGORIES?
Well, for one thing, there are fence-riders... so not everyone falls squarely into one category or another. But most people do find that their category fits them quite well. You know how you find yourself thinking, "Jim sure does remind me of my brother!"? Well, that happens because there are similarities among certain people, and differences among others... sometimes it's that we're outright opposites, but sometimes we're strikingly similar. I believe you'll find both the similarities and differences interesting.

WHAT NEXT?
Take the test I mentioned earlier, and we'll start diving in, a little at a time, to understanding the Myers-Briggs personality types. By no means am I an expert on the MBTI, but I will share the basics of what I've learned, because it's so helpful in everyday life.

POST #1: Extravert (E) vs. Introvert (I)

Looking forward to going through all this again- it's an interesting and practical topic once you get your feet wet! Hope you enjoy it!