Psalms, Hymns, & Spiritual Songs: Praise To the Lord, the Almighty

I love this song. I love the truth of the lyrics, and the way it points to God's character over and over. These things have been absolutely true in my life.

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration.

Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wonderfully reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings,
Yea, so gladly sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper they work and defend thee.
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee!

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him.
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him!
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again.
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

I am particularly fond of verse 2, because it's so true-- the adventures He has in store for us are better than the ones we can "dream" up. God reigns over all things, and His plans for us (even when difficult) are ultimately for His glory & our good! Hope you're having a great weekend.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #22

Let's jump right in:

1. America is just go-go-go all the time, isn't it? I'm exhausted!
   
   
2. A couple weeks ago, I read the passage about the centurion approaching Jesus on behalf of his "suffering, paralyzed servant", and just got stuck on that description... doesn't that sometimes describe the Christian life? We are servants of Him, and of others... and yet we can get stuck and even feel unable to move. I was so encouraged by Jesus' response: "I will come and heal him." Jesus stands ready to work in our lives if we will ask. He has done such a transformation in my attitude over the past couple months, when I felt that I was deep in a spiritual "rut". If you're suffering, or feeling paralyzed emotionally, Jesus is the Healer & I want to encourage you to trust Him to work in your heart. He still heals those in need.
   
   
3. Beginning next week, I'll be taking an online class called "Dynamics of Biblical Change", basically about how Christians are transformed, how we change. I'm considering pursuing a Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, and am going to use this class as a small litmus test for myself, to see if this is really an area that I want to devote time and mental energy in coming years.
   
   
4. Just heard this recently-- Duke University did a study on sleep, and determined that the best sleep environment is (no surprise here) dark, quiet, and has a temperature of 65 degrees Fahrenheit. And on average, human beings need between 7 & 3/4 hours and 8 & 1/4 hours of sleep per night. So how are you doing on all of that? Ours is dark, quiet, and (while in America) stays at around 70-75 degrees...65-70 in the winter... and I probably get 6-7 hours of sleep a night, by choice. For example, it's currently 12:23 am and the kids have been asleep since 8:30 or so. I could've gone to bed hours ago, and according to Duke, I should've. :-/
   
   
5. Do you spend time thinking about how God is working in and around you? I'm becoming convinced that this is a significant area of my life that I forget to check in on regularly. Jesus made it a point to tell us that He only did whatever the Father was already doing. (John 5:19) How much more, then, should we be actively in tune with the world around us, and our hearts inside of us-- looking at what God is doing? I think many things would change in our home, in our kids' lives, in my life, and in my relationships if I tried to sharpen my focus onto what the Father is doing around me. What about you? Is this something you consider regularly?
   
   
6. Heard this from a friend and thought you might like it:
   

   "A screwdriver can be used to scrape gunk off a hard surface, or to pry open a paint can lid, but what it was really made to do is to turn that screw."

   What did God make you for? There are times when we have to buck up and do what we *can* do, sometimes persevering through tough circumstances and buckling down with endurance to do what needs doing. But we shouldn't lose sight of the big picture of God each of us as creating unique people; He created you and me to reflect His glory in special ways. Take time to nurture that inner part and honor Him with the beauty He's put in you!
   
   
7. I really treasured the opportunity to visit Covenant Life church, and thought this point from Josh Harris' sermon was particularly encouraging:
   

   "Showing love (defined as intentionally pursuing the good of other people) to others is a commandment of God-- first in the Old Testament, then reaffirmed by Jesus in the New Testament as one of the greatest commandments. When times are uncertain (for example, when there are disagreements between believers, or when there are doctrinal disputes), we can RELY on what IS certain-- what God has clearly commanded: love one another."
   
   
   

Well, can ya tell I just did a journal dump of what I've been taking notes on over the past month or so? :) Lots of good stuff, though... stuff that has been encouraging to me, and I hope will encourage you. Have a great weekend.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Five

This is part five of a five-part series about how I went from working gal to stay-home-mom, back in 2002. You can read the other parts by clicking: PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR. (The pictures in this post are current pictures of our family, because I have virtually no pictures from 2002 in digital format.)

****************************************************************

As I began sharing last time, when we made the decision for me to be home with our baby, it wasn't because we were in great financial shape, or because my husband had a plum job & we could afford it. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We had student loans aplenty, and had just racked up more than $17,000 in medical debts because our son spent his first week in a NICU that didn't accept our insurance. We moved back to Texas to be near family, but had no job, no insurance, and had saved just enough money to get through a couple weeks (at best).

Everything rested on my husband's ability to pound the pavement and our God's ability to provide.

Doug applied at a wide variety of places, dropping his resume at virtually every place that would accept it, and filling out applications anywhere that he was able to do the work (i.e., from Home Depot to the Dallas Museum of Art). After a week or two, Doug got a call and was hired to work at Kohl's, the department store. He made a slightly more than minimum wage, and received a discount in their stores. We grocery shopped carefully, almost never ate out, lived in a one-bedroom apartment, made it work with one car & one cell phone (no landline), and used his discount to get nicer clothes for him for future interviews. If memory serves, he worked at Kohl's for 2-3 months.

A friend of ours at church told us about a mortgage company in the metroplex that was often looking for people for their bankruptcy department, and so Doug went through the process there and was hired. He worked hard, going in early (he would often leave at 5am to get a jumpstart on the workday and avoid traffic), and we were so thankful that he had a job, with an adequate salary (though I know some people think it's tacky to talk about money, I don't particularly care about "tacky"... I'm writing this story to encourage other families out there with our story, to give you hope that you can "do it", too, if you sense God's leading to stay home). He made $30,000 plus benefits.

We were thankful for his job, and it gave us enough as a young family. We didn't expect to have a designer house, and Ethan almost entirely wore clothes and used baby things that we were given or that we'd gotten at thrift stores. I didn't update my wardrobe, and didn't have a dishwasher or a 2nd car (so I literally "stayed home")... but despite lacking these external things that our society tells us we "need", we were so happy! I was so glad to be with this little person who was fascinated by everything and was, himself, so fascinating. Our new son & I spent our days together, friends came over to see us from time to time, and I tried my hand at cooking more than I had in our pre-baby days, with varying degrees of success. I still think back on those early days and am so glad we sacrificed so that Ethan and I could be together.

It's not a popular thing to say, but it is true-- in our very wealthy nation of America, it is almost always possible for a woman to stay home with her baby if she wants to. If you don't want to, that's your decision. But for those who do want to stay home, and are wondering if you can do it, or thinking that it's impossible, I want to encourage you that it is possible. Like we did, you might need to move to a less expensive city. You may not have "luxury" items, or even what other people expect as "normal". Like mine did, your husband may have to take a job (or jobs) that are outside his area of expertise. But you can make it work, and in the long run, you won't regret making hard choices, or even sacrificing, in order to enjoy these special moments with your baby, and give him a loving, stable, and connected start in life.

From one mom who's been there, you CAN stay home if you want to, and it is so precious to share those days together with the new little person God has put in your family.

"Get Yourself Dressed!": Growing More Mature as a Believer

This morning, I was getting Moses into his little shirt (he turned 1 recently) and I noticed that he was actively striving to help put his arms in... a new development! It's so fun, isn't it?, the way our children start out so helpless and over time, take on more and more responsibility for themselves. It'll be awhile, though, before I have to remind him, when he comes to the living room in his big-boy-underwear, "go get yourself dressed!"

And there are parallels of this for us, in the Christian life. Last week, I had the opportunity to head outside our four walls for a quiet hour... an opportunity to practice the discipline of solitude and prayer. After I did, I realized how infrequently I've set aside time to really be silent before the Lord, just listening, still, knowing that He is God.

If I'm going to grow spiritually, if I'm going to mature, I've got to start owning my own actions, and reach out for what I need. "Dressing myself", so to speak, like Moses is beginning to try to do.

I'm learning more about going deeper in my spiritual walk, and I know part of it is just me exercising the spiritual disciplines that have nurtured and sustained the faith of Christians for centuries.We evangelicals do a fair job carrying out the outward things... giving charitably, gathering as a community of Saints to worship together each Sunday, studying our Bibles, and such. We do not typically do so well at the inward disciplines-- prayer, solitude, fasting, meditating on memorized Scripture, and the like. I want to grow in this area, and I'm considering how to take those steps.

But I'm writing now as a way of setting up a stone of remembrance, like the children of Israel often did, that God has brought me thus far. Like the priests, I feel like I'm walking down to the river. Like God is drawing me into a new place in my relationship with Him. I really don't know how God will teach me to have God-confidence, and not revert back to that self-confidence I've come to rely on these many decades... but I trust that He will show me.

Maybe He's asking something similar of you? I don't know... but this has all come about in my heart since starting to write again, and so if you want to go deeper too, I'd love to hear from you and walk with you. No pressure, but if you're interested, please leave a comment & let's discuss these things more.

outdoor: Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

prayer: Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #21

It's been a while since my last "7 Quick Takes"-- but here's mine for this week:

1. We've been thankful to tag a family trip to DC this week onto a business conference Doug had last week. Pictures will be forthcoming in the weeks ahead... but it's been great to see our kids experience this historic city for the first time. We were able to visit the White House, Washington Monument, Ford's Theater, National Gallery of Art, the Capitol building, National Air & Space Museum, Bureau of Engraving & Printing, Museum of Natural History, the National Zoo, and a good portion of the monuments here, and meet our Congressman & my old boss (who had no idea we had 5 children & was completely shell-shocked!). Whew! We're tired, but it was a great trip. I'm glad these venues are all free, cause the roach-coach-hot-dogs, meals, and metro rides were not! :)
   
2. Speaking of the visit with my old boss, he commented how patient I must be, to have five children, because his wife gets exhausted just trying to cook for him & their two children. He mentioned that one of them will want waffles, one will want pancakes, another wants eggs, etc... and she gets so frustrated. I laughed and told him, actually, I'm less patient than she is. I'm no short-order-cook. I make the food, they eat it, and unless there's a genuine dislike for something (proven over several tries) or an allergy, we all eat what we get cheerfully. It's interesting, sometimes, to see the misperceptions people have of us based on partial information.
   
3. I totally forgot how far it is between monuments/memorials. Before 2 days ago, I've never done it with children (and I did it alone, with four children--What was I thinking?!), and so I grossly underestimated how long it would take to walk from the Washington to the Lincoln, through the Korean, (past the place where they're building a memorial for Martin Luther King, Jr. - very exciting!), over to the Jefferson. Moving right along...
   
4. I spotted Minnie Driver in the White House. While we were on our tour, they suddenly put out some ropes and she and about 6 or 8 other people scurried across the hallway into the rooms that we were only allowed to peer into from the doorway. Pretty fancy stuff, being a celebrity. It was shocking to me to notice how much celebrity interest is instilled in my soul... I've only ever seen one movie with Minnie Driver in it (Return to Me), and while I really do like that movie, I have no other connection with Ms. Driver, as a human being. Why was I so enthralled with and impressed by just the presence of a celebrity?
   
5. Last Sunday, we were able to visit Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD, and completely loved it. They are currently going through a bit of a challenging time as a congregation, but it was wonderful to hear and see the Body of Christ working through a difficult time with great theological depth and a commitment to truth from God's Word. We enjoyed worshiping with such great joy and intensity, and reconnecting with some friends there.
   
6. I can't tell you how much God has refreshed my spirit in these last few weeks. It has been so good to go deep in God's Word again, not with a goal of INFORMATION, but instead approaching it with an eye toward TRANSFORMATION. As I thought through growth as a believer, this model of how we grow and change as believers was very helpful. These ideas really resonated with the current condition of my heart:
   

   "Stage 4 is "the journey inward" - "a deep and very personal inward journey" that "almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it". ...The end of stage 4 involves an experience of "the Wall" - "a face-to-face experience with God and with our own will". It is impossible to go over, around, or under the Wall. One can only go through it. ...At the Wall, we become "aware of all the lies we have accepted about ourselves". We are forced to "face the truth" in order to move forward."
   

   
   "...Growth is painful. Ask any person who is currently transitioning between childhood and adolescence and he or she will affirm this wholeheartedly. Growth comes at a price. It involves more than enthusiasm. It involves commitment, determination, and perseverance. Although we may desire to grow rapidly, our awareness of the difficulty involved in the transition from one stage to another should curb our desires to move ahead too quickly."

   I'm not saying I fully endorse or agree with everything written, or that every believer follows the same path... but that for me, in this season, these ideas were helpful for really analyzing where I've been as a Christ-follower, and where I am currently, and how God moves in our lives. Perhaps it will help one of you as well.
   
7. On that final note, I have been shocked to see, as I've prayerfully and carefully been examining my heart, life, and practices, how many lies I had unknowingly accepted as true in my life:

• That I was no longer a woman of prayerfulness (As if I couldn't start at any moment!),
• That I had been silent to God too long and had too much to catch up on and wouldn't know where to start (What was I thinking?),
• That I was growing bitter and cynical and perhaps those things were just now a part of my life since I was growing older (What a lie from the enemy, that these things have to stay in my heart & life!), and
• That I could not do anything about these conditions of my heart... that I simply had to live with it. (What a denial of the truth that anything is possible with God!)
  
  It is shocking to see how many things I had adopted as true that simply are not true, and how many things I had believed must just continue on in a dreary way that actually do not have to remain in that state. I pray that God will use this time of growth to bind me closer to Him and give me discernment in the future about the ideas I'm accepting in my heart, about my life, my attitude, myself, and about Him. I pray that next time, He'll help me to be more alert to combat lies like these.

Do you participate in Jenn's "7 Quick Takes"? You should consider it-- it's definitely helpful for getting out random thoughts/experiences. :) Have a great weekend!

When the Words Tumble Out

Recently I walked out of a large room full of people and my husband was just behind me. I wanted to stop by the restroom, so I told him, "I've got to go pott--y", and I just as I spoke that last syllable, I turned to find that I was talking to a stranger.

The man's response? "OK, but that's not normally what I talk about in my first conversation with someone!" :)

I couldn't help but giggle! Sometimes words just come out to the wrong person, or at the wrong time.

But God is so gracious... it is always the right time to talk to Him. He is always there to listen to our words as they tumble out of our mouths. Psalm 121 says, "the LORD Who keeps you will not slumber." Day or night, He is there. No matter your time zone. No matter the subject.

God is reminding me again to pour out my heart to Him (instead of bottling it up)... and to listen (instead of hurrying on my merry way). To fear Him (instead of only seeing Him as my gracious friend, also recognizing that He is Creator and LORD)... and to praise Him verbally (instead of simply admiring the beautiful things I see without speaking to Him about it).

The Father is drawing me back to a prayerfulness that I lost somewhere along the way, over this last year or two. I'm so thankful that He is. It's enriching my relationship with Him, drastically changing my attitude, and giving me joy and confidence in HIM.

It's always OK for our words to tumble out to our Father. He hears, He sees, He loves.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stripping Away Self-Confidence-- Building God-Confidence

All my life, confidence in my own abilities and talents is not something I've lacked. I would not say I ever felt cocky or arrogant... but my parents gave me plenty of praise and plenty of "you can do anything you put your mind to do"-type comments, and so I have gone through life feeling able... able (from an early age) to speak in public settings, able to take the lead part in musicals, able to win drum competitions, able to go out for and be class president. Now, in the area of friendships, I have perpetually felt deficient and still to this day struggle with the sense that I am an outsider to the "real" group, those people, over there... but in the area of skills and effort, I've felt capable.

And it has continued on in my life, sometimes in very positive ways-- like the confidence that I can learn to embroider simply from reading about it in books. (I'm learning, and it's going well!) Or the confidence that I can step out and begin classes in counseling. (I'll start my first class next month.) So please don't hear me saying that feeling capable, in and of itself, is always a bad thing.

TORN DOWN, AND REBUILT

But God is changing some perspectives in my life. Wow, has He been working on it!

(Have you ever had that realization, when you keep hitting the same struggle--"whoa! He means to DO this in me... He's got a purpose here!")

I am seeing that He has strategically chipped away certain parts of me... and that chipping away has been painful (like Eustace with the dragon scales)... but He is teaching me where to place my confidence.

LOOKING BACK
It is very helpful to be back in the States for this short season of life... to thoughtfully examine our lives, without the weighty "backpack" of cultural stress we've been carrying around for these many years. And one thing I'm beginning to see clearly that God has done during the last 5 years of our lives is strip away my self confidence; here are some of the ways I can see His hand:

• In Doug's time of unexplained collapses and sickness, 5 years ago, God stripped me of the sense that I had the ability to control life. He removed me from a place where I felt competent, confident, and in control, and took me to a place of need and uncertainty. And honestly, He kept me in that state of need for the last 4 years.
  


• Over the last 5 years, He has given us three wonderful children-- children who have absolutely stretched me beyond what I (in myself) am capable of. I can no longer operate under the illusion that I am competent and that I can easily drum up self-control equal to the task.

• Over the last decade, He has transitioned us from a life where I was valued as an integral part of a respected office to our home, where the value of my work (and the ugly things too) is mostly seen in secret, known primarily to God Himself. My husband sees it, and a few others in our lives see and appreciate it, but it's mostly hidden away.

Namely, He has taken me from feeling confident, competent, and in control to a very strong awareness of my need for Him.

At various points, acquaintances have marvelled at the way that Doug and I "held up" through that season of sickness, or have commented, "oh, I could never do that!", when we had our 3rd or 4th children. I didn't realize it at the time; I thought I was honoring God in my responses, but I used to say, "well, I guess God built us strong." How embarrassing that is for me to write now, just a few years later! The way I glorified myself as the Strong one, with a little nod to my Creator.

HIS END GOAL FOR ME
I am beginning to see now that His end goal for me is not that I become a confident, capable, in control woman. His goal for me is that I would become like Christ, and boast in Him alone. That I would see and freely admit that His strength is shown to be complete in my weakness. That I would know and believe that He is able to do all that needs doing, and that my abilities come from Him and are maintained in Him. That instead of trying to tightly grip each day, each situation, or each person, and control my way through life, I can acknowledge the reality of His role as the "Blessed Controller" and walk in freedom.

Simply put, He is stripping away my self-confidence and building up my God-confidence.

A RESTING PLACE
Last week, I was fortunate to get away for a quiet walk near the edge of a forest. I was talking out loud with God, which He's teaching me to do once again. I began pouring out all of these things that I've just written to you. They've been bottled up inside my heart for so long, and they just came spilling out to my Father, who of course had already seen and known it all.

Just then, I came to a place where someone had mowed down a meandering path through the tall grass and bushes at the edge of this forest. I glanced around and walked ahead, not knowing where the path would lead, wondering if I was foolish to be walking off in a forest I wasn't familiar with, on a path with a destination I didn't know. Pained in my heart, with tears in my eyes, I asked Him,

"how can I avoid going back to those old ways? How can I not revert back to that old self-confidence? Will you help me? My whole life I've walked with the need to control and be thought capable. Can the fabric of my life be re-woven without those ugly threads inserting themselves in each line?"

The path curved, and as I wiped away my tears, I looked and there was a stone amongst the grass, dead center in the pathway. I removed my shoes, stepped onto the rock, and realized that here, God had answered me:

only by placing my confidence in the Solid Rock can I move forward.

He is the One I must trust. Not self. Not abilities. Not control. Not competence. Jesus Christ! I don't have all the practical answers yet, of what this means, but I know that He is changing me, and I'm so grateful to Him for never letting me curl up into myself and stagnate. It's not easy, but it's so good.

My faith has found a resting place,
Not in device or creed.
I trust the Ever-Living One;
His wounds for me shall plead.

I need no other argument; I need no other plea.
It is enough that Jesus died, and that He died for me.

Drum photo: Image: Bill Longshaw / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Chisel: Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Royalty of God

I recently read a story about a 6-year-old cancer patient who rushed out to greet Princess Kate, and one of the sub-headlines of the story was that "protocol was broken" by the hug they shared.

It just made me think of how royal protocol was broken when the King of Kings sent His Son to us... Philippians tells us about Jesus, who,

"though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself, by becoming obedient to the point of death... even death on a cross."

Royalty Becomes the Servant

A King had sent His Son to save the peasants, and not only that-- that Son took "the form of a servant". Christ-- the Messiah, the hoped-for King-- took the role of a humble slave.

Can you imagine going out, today, and putting on a maid's uniform, and then never taking it off? How would people treat you? How would your behavior change over time? I'll be honest and say that I've never really thought of that. My flesh cries out for approval and recognition. But Christ's situation is even more severe than this... He IS perfect-- He deserved & deserves recognition and praise, and yet, He willingly became humble. He lovingly served.

Servanthood

Just like that little girl wants to be like Princess Kate, I want to be like Jesus. But instead of beautiful dresses and jewels, that passage in Philippians 2 (and many others throughout scripture) tells us that servanthood is how we follow Him. Scripture tells us to joyfully seek the joy of others, to put the needs of others first, and to delight in pleasing God above all else-- even if the cup He puts in front of us is one we'd rather not drink.

Though a difficult truth, this is also a joyful truth! Just as servants of earthly royalty work, day in, day out, sometimes doing quite menial tasks, but find value in it because they know whom they are serving, we can do the things God asks of us-- big and small-- with joy, because we know WHOM we are serving.

Do you remember what He told us?

"Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me." Then the righteous will answer him, saying, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?... And the King will answer them, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." (Matthew 25:35-40)

Father, King, Loving Protocol-Breaker, help me to understand this truth more and more, and emulate your son more and more in my life.

Dealing with Mastitis

For the breastfeeding mom, mastitis is a common infection that can hurt like the dickens and be quite discouraging if you don't nip it in the bud. Additionally, if not dealt with quickly, your nipples may crack and bleed, which only exacerbates the pain that was felt from the actual infection & inflammation.

With my first baby (born 9 years ago today!), he got out of the hospital on day 7 (he had been in the NICU w/ pneumonia), and I had mastitis from when he was 8 days old all the way past when he was one month old. It was horrible. I remember sitting down to nurse Ethan, and crying every time because the pain was so bad. It was near-constant pain, and the latch-on and nursing process only intensified it. I have had mastitis with every single baby we've had, but never as bad as with Ethan because I learned what helps and have worked very hard in subsequent times to nip it in the bud right away.

So if you're facing mastitis, I probably know what you're feeling. It hurts, and it's discouraging. But you can treat it and help it go away, and if you press through, you will reap the benefits of your own tenacity & endurance, and be able to go on to a successful breastfeeding relationship!

Let me share with you what helps me:

• Use hot compresses-- just before, and just after nursing, for about 20 minutes each time. What I do for that is a near-scalding hot washcloth (shaked out in the air just for a second to make it uber-hot but not scalding), covered up with a hand towel immediately, on each side, and then a bath towel over both sides. The towels help to retain the heat of the washcloth. After you remove the compresses, let your breasts air dry before putting your bra or clothes on over them.
• I always nurse first on the side that hurts most. And if there's a particular side that hurts more (like, if the underside hurts most and is red), I angle it so that the baby's tongue/bottom of their mouth is directly positioned on that part of the breast. So, I'll use the football hold, cross over hold, laying side by side, or whatever, to get them into the best position to stimulate the part that hurts most.
• Ibuprofen & Tylenol, alternating round-the-clock.
• Rest, rest, rest, and rest some more. Do as little as you possibly can besides nursing and sleeping. This one is perhaps the most important. Rest, wake up to nurse, rest, rest, rest, nurse some more, and repeat until the infection is gone.
• Nurse slightly *more* often than you would normally do. Drain your breasts as completely as possible, and use your thumb to massage any hard lumps/spots to get the milk out.
• DO NOT WEAR UNDERWIRE. This is often a trigger for mastitis, as it presses right on certain ducts and can perpetuate the problem. Wear a soft cotton nursing or sports bra.
• If you are using nursing pads, change them often.
• If fever persists for more than 24 hours, call your doctor, as you may require antibiotics. I wish I'd have known to do this with my first bout. It wouldn't have lasted near as long as it did if I had called my doc earlier than I did.

OK, that's my brain dump about what helps me when I deal with mastitis... I hope it helps you. Mastitis can be a discouraging development while breastfeeding, but treat it quickly, and persevere; you can still go on to enjoy a very successful breastfeeding relationship! Hang in there!

If you have had mastitis and have tips that can help other moms, please share your thoughts in the comments.

If you're wondering why I'm writing about this, no, I don't have mastitis now. I'm just trying to get these things out on "paper" while I still remember them. I know the day will likely come when I no longer have little ones and may not be able to remember all these particulars. So, I'm writing them out now, in hopes that it can help others.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Four

This is part four of a series about how I went from working gal to stay-home-mom, back in 2002. You can read the other parts by clicking: PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE. For some reason my photo uploader isn't working well and so this post is all text.

****************************************************************

So in part three, I shared how my epiphany of needing to be home with our baby kind of bubbled up out of me, but I really couldn't remember (at the time that I wrote it) what specific input had led to that sense of urgency, all at once.

Last week, I started reading a book by Iris Krasnow, and remembered that, while I was pregnant with Ethan, I read another of her books-- called "Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul". It's now been nearly 10 years since I read that book, so I can not recall with great detail everything about the book, but I will say this-- there is one scene she describes, where she is home with her toddler and two twin babies, and they've made a titanic mess all over the dining room floor. In that moment, she LOVES them, she KNOWS them, and she's WITH them, and she vividly recounts the surrender that happened in her soul. I remember reading about that situation and thinking, "YES!" Messes and all, 'fulfillment' or not, I need to be there--at home--for our sweet baby & any future kids we have."

Reading Krasnow's experiences as a young, overwhelmed mother reminded me of the loving, faithful mothers I'd watched and known over the years (including my own, who stayed home with us until we went to school), and her book was perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back in compelling me to "surrender to motherhood". I can't tell you in strong enough words, 9 years later, how very thankful I am that God took random pieces of life and prodded me to be home with these little people who are now growing into bigger people He uses to shape and sharpen me.

OK, so back to 9 & 1/2 years ago...

"Now What?"

Doug had responded to my sense of urgency about staying home with our baby by saying, "OK, we'll make that happen".

But you have to understand-- our income set-up was such that I was the one 'bringing home the bacon'. He had a more seasonal, part-time position at the National Gallery of Art. Our primary source of money, our insurance... everything that was stable and "made sense" financially, came from my job.

About this same time, he had applied to two top-notch graduate-level art schools and had not been accepted into their very selective programs. So the things that had caused us to move to Washington, DC, and the things that tied us there, no longer made much sense. For a month or two, we looked for houses far out from DC, trying to think through how we could make the balance sheet add up. Finally, it hit us-- "we need to be near family, we need to be where living costs are lower... duh, we need to move back home, to Texas!"

But we didn't know whether to move back before or after the baby, and we didn't have any idea what we'd do for a job or for health insurance. What does a guy with an art degree do for work, if not grad school and on to professor-dom (which had been our loose "plan")?

Mr. Incredible

This is the part of the story that is impossible to tell without telling you just how grateful I am for my husband. I don't want to make it sound like he ditched some awesome scholarship & art school opportunity so that I could be home with our baby, because that opportunity (though sought) never materialized. But it would not be accurate to tell this story without clearly discussing how he put his own "need for fulfillment" on the backburner in order to just, flat out, provide for his growing family.

Money Matters

We decided that since we'd already found a doctor to deliver our baby, we would stay in DC and then move 4-5 weeks after his/her arrival. We would pay for HIPAA and somehow make it work financially so our baby's first few weeks would be covered by insurance.

My due date was June 18th. I worked right up to, and a few days beyond, that due date. Still he didn't show up. Well, my water broke at just after midnight, the morning of July 6th, and he was born after 1am, the morning of July 7th. You can read his birth story here.

So after he was born, Ethan spent the first week in the NICU. Little did we know that, though we had prepared to use HIPAA, and though we had gotten pre-approval from our insurance company for our hospital and doctor, the specialists that ran the NICU were not on our insurance, and we ended up with a medical bill of more than seventeen thousand dollars. We of course had no idea that a hospital would use a company within their own hospital that did not accept the same insurance companies (For the record, we had Blue Cross Blue Shield, not some obscure company.), but we were stuck with the bill.

Despite this financial blow, our landlords were so kind and gave us a free month of rent when Ethan was born. God took care of us in little and big ways.

Packing Up Our Apartment

Silly me, back then I was Mrs. Last-minute... I hadn't packed up almost anything before he arrived. I didn't think about how short 5 weeks would be, especially with a newborn! We also hosted my parents for a week or two and then my brother & sister in law came up and visited for another week. So basically, we spent our time, right up to the wire, packing up our apartment. Another couple from our small local church there came and helped us pack our apartment-- such a blessing.

Final Analysis

Somehow, we made it. We got the apartment packed up (it was right down to the wire!). We didn't have a huge amount of money saved. But Doug got in a cruddy old on-its-last-leg U-Haul truck (without A/C!) with our belongings, towing our car behind it, and 5-week-old Ethan & I got on a flight to Arkansas, where I stayed a night at my parents' house until Doug made it there, picked us up, and we went on our way to Texas. (I should add, when Doug dropped off the U-Haul, the guys at that shop cussed and were appalled that the DC shop had been so irresponsible to use that particular truck for anything other than a cross-city move. Shocked, they said we had been fortunate that the truck made it the whole way.)

We'd be living in a one-bedroom apartment we'd never seen (I had talked to the landlord over the phone, and this was in the early days of the internet when all they had up was a star on a map, so we knew where it was). We had no health insurance. The little we'd saved was being eaten up by college and (now) medical debts. Neither of us had a job, or any prospects.

It was a huge step of faith; people probably thought we had lost our minds... but God had been faithful, and would continue to care for us.

(Click to read: PART FIVE.)

Thinking About Legacy

This week in ladies' Bible study, we were given the prompt:

"What legacy do I want to leave?

What did God create me to be and do on this earth?"

I used to think about these questions a lot more than I currently do. Life can get overwhelming and just putting one foot in front of the other, changing the next diaper, packing the next box, getting on the next plane, driving to the next get-together can seem like enough. Enough. ENOUGH! :) Ever been there?

But I was thankful for the chance, yesterday, to consider these things. Here was my response, first in bullet-point, then in a more fleshed-out longhand version.

• Devoted Christ-follower
• Obedient child of God
• Joyful wife
• Loving mother
• Faithful friend
• Cheerful giver
• Hospitable
• Genuine & Honest

I want to be a woman who lives intentionally, who obeys and loves God even in difficult times (pressing through feelings to faith!). I want to do Doug good, and not harm, all the days of my life (Prov. 31:12). I want to welcome, encourage, and challenge other women and friends to trust in Jesus Christ. He is trustworthy! I want to cling to and trust God's Word above my own opinions, experiences, or thoughts. What He says, I believe. I want to wholeheartedly love and thoughtfully equip our children to launch out like arrows, flying according to the "bent" God has given them. I want to be someone who doesn't give up in the struggle of sanctification, but instead be like the righteous person in Prov. 4:18, who keeps shining brighter and brighter until my final day. Basically, I want to be a woman who "ponders the path of her feet" (Prov. 4:25-27). ***

In response to the question, "what did God create me to do?", in addition to the things listed above, things I'm living out each day, I'm currently considering my options for distance-learning and pursuing a Marriage & Family Therapy Counseling degree/certificate program. It's something I could do from home during these years when I'm primarily in the home with occasional blasts of "free" time (nap times, evening hours, Saturday mornings, etc.), that would be beneficial to me now but potentially very useful LATER, once the kids are grown and launching from our nest.

What about you? Have you thought about the legacy you want to leave? What kinds of things would you want someone to be able to say about you at your funeral one day?

Are we living in a way that clearly shows who God made us to be and who we are in Him? These kinds of questions are not easy... they force us (wham!) into seeing ourselves as we really are. But it's what the Bible encourages us to do-- to think of ourselves with sober judgment-- truthfully evaluating our lives in the light of Scripture.

"By the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." ~Romans 12:3

Feel free to share in the comments or link to a post on your own blog if you'd rather explore the topic more deeply there. I welcome your thoughts.

*** I reserve the right to edit this as I continue thinking these things through. :)

It's Time.

It's been long enough. I'm a gal who best analyzes and learns and drives home (to my own brain) what I've learned by writing out my thoughts. This break from regularly writing here at Making Home has been necessary-- while I took time off to go intense with Turkish, and then to have Moses... but I need to be back in the habit of writing regularly. My mind gets all random and unfocused when I'm not regularly writing, and for the last couple years, I've been journaling in written form more...

but I think I need to do that here now.

There are so many thoughts swirling... and I can't say what I'll write here at Making Home in the future, because I don't have a "master plan". But I really intend to just start sharing my Bible studies, and solidifying my thoughts in this way. I've found that I rarely remember to go back and re-read things I've learned in when recorded in journals, and these things get lost and forgotten. Prayers, intentions, moments of insight or conviction, they all get written in longhand and then pass from memory. I don't want that to happen anymore. For some reason, I go back and re-read things here at Making Home. So this is a good place for me to start writing things down.

All of this is just a stream-of-conciousness statement of intent. So you know why the sudden change will take place, and also as a line in the sand for myself.

Feel free to remove me from your RSS feed if this no longer meets what you expect here at Making Home, and feel free to join up and comment even more freely if you want to. I have no idea exactly where this jalopy is headed, but I'm filling up the tank and heading for the open road... I welcome whoever wants to come along.