Part of the Family

This morning, I watched "A Walk in the Clouds" (starring Keanu Reeves & Anthony Quinn), and am struck by the beauty of the story.

A man who grew up as an orphan, without family, history, or a future, unintentionally and under a poorly-planned ruse comes into a family. The family is not perfect... there is sometimes fighting, sometimes the pain of wounding one another... but there is history, there is love, and there is a future.

Over time, this orphan who came into this family without the intent to stay, WANTS to stay. He desperately longs to be a part of the family. The way the older grandpa gives him encouragement, takes him under his wings, and explains family traditions... the way he finds love and roots... these things draw his heart to want to be a part of the family even though he has no right, and no claim to be a real member of the family.

Eventually, love and commitment draw him, plant him, and keep him in this new family. He wants to be in, and the family wants him in. Though he doesn't understand all the customs, he wants to. Though he has no money, no experience, no tangible *benefit* to bring, he brings his hopes and dreams and is planted as a member of the real family. Their roots (the vineyard/grape roots) become his roots; their story and hope becomes his story and hope. He embraces them, and they embrace him.

I was moved to tears so many times during this movie. The last time I watched it, I cried because of the ache of wanting the two love interests to end up together. This time, I cried because of the beautiful love of Christ.

He draws us in as orphans, without history, without a hope, without a future, and plants us as part of HIS vineyard. Though we bring nothing of tangible value, He calls us his own and says we ARE valuable. Our roots are planted in Him and by Him, we live.

This story also makes me want to be like the Anthony Quinn figure... someone who welcomes in the lost orphan... the person without a "home" or family... the person who doesn't understand things like baptism, sanctification, or the Lord's Supper. It makes me want to grow to be the kind of person who offers this love, and these roots to anyone who seeks. Even if they don't intend to become a part of the family, I pray that the love that I offer might be used by God to make them want to plant their lives in Christ. God, help me to become this kind of loving, welcoming person.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Two

{Click here to read Part One}

... So, there we were, newly married & living large in the center of the free world. I had a job I could not have even dreamed up, full of variety and opportunities for learning & growth in the area I was passionate about: politics. Doug got a not-so-very-exciting job checking coats in the cloakrooms of the National Gallery of Art, but it was still very exciting, because -- for crying out loud!-- he was working at the National Gallery of Art, surrounded by Rembrandt, Calder, Monet, Rothko, van Gogh, and whenever we wanted we could just browse through and go see my favorite painting in the world... "Repose" by John Singer Sargent.

Did you click on that link? Isn't it lovely? So relaxing...

Anyway, it was a great time in our lives. We shopped at Trader Joes in Old Town Alexandria, walked two miles a day getting to and from the metro, and generally had a blast together. What a great place to be when you're a carefree, happily-in-love couple on a relatively tight budget (yes, I made good money for a recent college grad, but it's still DC, and things were tight). We took in the sights, enjoyed the cherry blossoms, and life was a joyful blur lived alongside one another.

We still look back to that time together as a time that strengthened our relationship. When we wanted entertainment (mind you, this was before the 2-laptop, each with their own ipad & iphone, texting and typing in the same room, family model), we pulled out a deck of cards and played canasta whilst downing Tostitos and absurd amounts of guacamole. When we needed to talk, we turned to each other. When we wanted a laugh, we laughed together. When we had a problem, we worked through it together. That time of togetherness taught us to turn to one another, rather than outside of our relationship, when we had a need, or wanted to share something important.

THE DAY WE ALL REMEMBER

One day, roughly six months after we'd moved to DC, we'd each gone to work and I was taking in the morning's news before beginning my day. Sitting at my desk, I heard the news that shook all of America -- that a plane had hit a building in NYC. I immediately called Doug and told him the news, and maybe instinctively, we reminded each other of the place where we'd said we'd meet in case anything ever went bad in DC.

I was watching the TV as the 2nd plane hit, and I just knew. We all did. When I tried to call Doug again, the lines were jammed. There was no getting through at that point, and I was so glad we had talked just minutes before. After the initial shock wore off, we realized that there was no way we would be working through that day. At some point, everyone in the office started gathering belongings and saying gentle, heartfelt goodbyes... we all felt so tender toward, and protective of, one another on that day.

A couple of the men who lived out near where we did, in Alexandria, decided to drive home with our boss (not the woman I told you about last time; she had moved over to the Dept. of Education at this point, and so this was her replacement-- a really nice man), who had driven in that morning. Knowing that we'd ridden the metro that morning (one of the stops on our line was the Pentagon, so we knew we'd not be getting home the same way we'd come), he offered the two extra seats in his car to Doug & I, and I explained that we'd need to go get him at the corner where he & I had pre-arranged to meet.

When we got out of the parking garage, it was chaos... just like a movie. Cars weaving through every which way, traffic laws ignored, bicycles cutting across, and horns blaring. It was an eerie thing, and I was so concerned; there was no way we were going to get to Doug. Just as I was sitting there worrying, one of my co-workers, Todd, said, "Hey, doesn't Doug have a yellow backpack?" I looked where he was looking, and sure enough-- there was Doug, with his backpack, fighting through traffic lanes against the flow of people walking away from the Capitol. He hopped in the car, and we were so thankful to be together, in the middle of all the chaos.

We eventually turned onto the road that passes just in front of the Capitol, and just about then was when the radio announcers began talking about a 4th plane that was still up in the air and seemed headed for D.C. It was frightening to be in that place at that time. We passed the Navy Yards, where, for the first time in my life, I saw soldiers with their fingers on the triggers of machine guns-- ready to protect and defend. It all seemed so shocking, so vivid.

A bit later, as we turned onto a major road and came up out of the buildings, we saw the smoke. That drive home... only about 15 miles... took 5 hours that day. And the smoke was there every minute, rising up from the Pentagon, reminding us of what we could not stop replaying in our minds... there had been an attack. We hung on the radio announcer's every word, and then, finally, when we got home, I think it was mid- to late-afternoon by that point, we turned on the TV. Doug saw, for the first time, what we were all so horrified about. He just hadn't fathomed how huge the holes were in the Twin Towers. And then, like the rest of you, from that time on, we were riveted by these things as we watched on TV.

MORE BIG NEWS

After that day, our personal lives changed as well... two or three short weeks after September 11th, I became pregnant with our son Ethan, who is now almost 9 years old.

We told my mom and our families almost immediately... but I didn't want to tell my co-workers for a while, and so we didn't. I had heard so many stories about women who lost job opportunities because of maternity leave, etc., and so I didn't want to raise the issue until more time had passed, until I could hide it no longer. I was personally excited -- so excited to be on my way to motherhood-- but felt professionally cautious. So October passed, and November, and December, and still, they didn't know. Sometime in January or February, when I was-- I think-- around 20 weeks along, I told my boss, and he was shocked. And then the cat was out of the bag to everyone. Which was great, because shortly thereafter, I went from losing weight to having a clearly growing belly. :)

Doug & I talked through our options and decided that the sensible thing to do was for me to keep working, since my job was so incredibly fulfilling, had the potential to launch me into incredible heights, and since --practically-- I was bringing home the bacon. Doug had finished up his last few college credits at a community college there, while working 25-30 hours per week at the National Gallery. His job was more supplemental income than foundational, at that point.

So we came to the conclusion that I would take my maternity leave, and then continue working, and he would be able to paint and work on his portfolio to get ready to apply for his MFA in painting, while caring for our baby and bringing him/her (we didn't find out with our first pregnancy) up to nurse, etc. It seemed like the perfect plan...

(Click to read: PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Deciding to Stay Home, Part One

It's not often that I write solely biography-type posts. But this one is that, fully our story. It's our story of who we were, and how I became a stay-home mom.

COLLEGE GIRL

Long ago (well, 12 years ago), in a country (the US) far from the one where I have lived these last 4 years, I was in college, and things were going well. I'd applied for, and been granted, an internship in the office of then-Governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee. And I was our Sophomore Class President, known on campus as the gal to talk to to get things done. I was ambitious and excited about the future, dreaming of running state and local campaigns in the short-run, and being a U.S. Senator in the long-run. I had a plan for how the future would go, and it all started right in the spot I was sitting, as an intern for this up-and-coming Republican Governor.

POLITICAL INTERN

That Spring ('99), I'd wake up early, get over to the school cafeteria for breakfast with a friend of mine, and hightail it to Little Rock for my internship a few days each week. Little did I know that there, at that cafeteria table, intimidated by my suits & heels, was my future husband.

Doug was quiet and reserved, & sat by his old youth group friend Erica, a good friend of mine. But he always sat several spots down at the table, and quite literally said nothing that I can remember, so I had no idea who he was. I think I had a vague inkling that he knew my friend, but that was the extent of things between us.

During that semester, I met then-Senator Blanche Lincoln, monitored committees for the Governor's office (including one that had Jim Bob Duggar as a committee member-- even then, with something like 7 or 9 kids, he was an attention-getter amongst staffers and lobbyists in the Capitol Building), and to be honest, I just knew I was going places.

I met the Governor a couple of times, but primarily, my function there was keeping tabs on committee happenings, and occasionally writing and editing briefing papers. That semester solidified my commitment to my third (and final) college major: political science. (I'd started out as a Vocal Performance major, spent a semester or two as an English major, and settled on Political Science during that Soph. year... why do they make us declare so early?)

DATING DOUG

The next year, Doug & I went to Wal-Mart at the start of the year with Erica (my roommate that year) to stock up on supplies for our dorm room. As we sat in the back of the car chit-chatting, I learned that he drove a VW (which delighted me), that he was wry & hilarious, and he learned that I wasn't an uppity girl in suits, noted that I liked to dance (and that he liked the way I danced), and we spent time laughing together. The next day or two, I saw him memorizing Scripture on a bench on campus and found myself even more drawn to him. In the weeks that followed, we had a blast getting to know each other as friends.

[There is a side-tangent I could go on about a long-distance dating relationship I ditched shortly into knowing Doug, but for the sake of the main point of this story, let's keep going.]

During the Fall, we became inseparable. I'd never been able to stand any guy for even 2 months, and yet with Doug, I couldn't get enough... I never wanted to be apart from him! Soon, we realized we both felt the same way, and so we got engaged in the Spring, and set our wedding for that Fall (2000).

MARRIED, WORKING GIRL

It worked out for me to graduate a semester early, and so I graduated in December, just 2 months after our wedding, and I spent the Spring of what would have been my Senior year working for the 2001 AR legislature as a committee staffer. During those months, I heard former President Bill Clinton speak in the Arkansas Statehouse (regardless of politics, he & Huckabee are two of the most dynamic speakers I've ever encountered!), and Doug & I began tossing around the idea of moving to Washington, DC.

He was finishing up a degree in Art, with a focus on painting, and I was going great guns in the political sphere. What better place to combine the two, we thought, but Washington, D.C.? Soon enough, with the help of a very-politically-active relative of Doug's, and my sharp editing skills, I'd put together my resume & a few dozen cover letters, and had a great list of leads for my job hunt. Essentially, the plan was this:

• Blanket the Hill in DC with resumes
• I'd get a job that would cover the bills enough for us to move up there by summer
• Doug finish up his remaining half-dozen or so class hours in the DC area, while working any old job he could find
• I could move up the political food-chain, he could go to grad school

So we sent out the resumes, and I flew up to DC for a weekend. After about a dozen interviews with various congressional and political affairs offices, and one call-back interview, I received a few job offers. One job offer was to do routine mail responses for a Senator (i.e., write "happy Birthday" letters to constituents), another was for doing legislative research for briefings for a Congressman.

But from the place where I'd had the call-back interview, I got a job offer that knocked my socks off. Because many top Texas political workers had transitioned into working in the Bush White House, there was a huge gap in the Texas intergovernmental affairs office located there in DC. I'd applied there for an entry-level political issues job, where I would monitor issues on the Hill & report back to various Texas agencies. Instead, after seeing my writing & editing skills (thank you, former-English major classes!), she offered for me to come in as the Associate Director of the office, the #2 slot! Not only that, but I'd have variety-- be doing a little bit of everything... monitoring political issues, overseeing office affairs, hiring & firing, writing & editing all official communications, and serving as her assistant and advisor. The woman who gave me this amazing opportunity would later become the Assistant Secretary of Education for President Bush.

It was surreal. This was no entry-level job. My starting salary was more than double that of the other jobs I was offered, I had an office 2 blocks from the Capitol building, and a full wall of windows that overlooked a grassy area. We secured an apartment near to the metro line, I had an incredible job in DC, and the future looked bright.

...to be continued.

(Click to read: PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)