Marriage, the Great Liberator

For decades, marriage has been viewed with the same kind of disdain as wearing pantyhose. Sometimes it's necessary, but put it off as long as possible; when possible, avoid it; and once it's served its purpose, you can easily discard it. And because of comments like Betty Friedan's (about a woman needing a man like a fish needs a bicycle), over the last 50 years, women have been encouraged to shirk the desire to marry and feel guilty when that desire arises within them. Women on today's college scene often feel the need to 'prove' that they're not trying to get the infamous "M.R.S." degree, so they may express a greater longing for independence than they actually feel.

But Christian thinkers all over the blogosphere-- and the real world ;) -- are encouraging the young Christians in America to resist the world's influence in this area of delaying marriage.

Al Mohler, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, challenges young Christian men to step up to the plate, quit extending the length of their boyhood, and be pursuers:
"From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible assumes that marriage is normative for human beings. ...This generation of young Christians must lead the way in the recovery of the biblical vision, and build a Christian counter-culture that puts marriage back at the center of human life and Christian living. ...The extension of a "boy culture" into the 20s and 30s, along with a sense of uncertainty about the true nature of male leadership, has led many young men to focus on career, friends, sports, and any number of other satisfactions when they should be preparing themselves for marriage and taking responsibility to grow up, be the man, and show God's glory as husband and father."

Tim Bayly, a theologically reformed blogger I've recently encountered on the web, has tackled this issue head-on, encouraging his readers to marry young. In a sermon about this very topic, he examined the text of 1 Cor. 7:8-9, in which Paul exhorted the unmarried that "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." In his sermon, he asked this question: "at what age do you burn?" The answer, for most people, is sometime between the ages of 15-25. But with the average American marrying after age 27, that leaves a lot of Christian young people in the predicament of trying to remain pure while burning with passion in a sex-saturated society.

In an excerpt from the book, "What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us", Danielle Critenden analyzes the cost to women when they intentionally delay marriage.

********************************

So, now that I've referenced the people who have provided the context and framework for this discussion, I now want to beg your longsuffering. Please allow me to enumerate some of the ways that Christian marriage is actually quite the opposite of the jail cell that feminists implied it to be.

#1- It is FREEING in its duration. When marriage is entered into by 2 Christians, "til death do us part" is not just a catchy line in the wedding ceremony. There is freedom in knowing that a problem will not mean a break up, that a personal struggle will not mean rejection, and that a disagreement will not mean solitude.

#2- It is FREEING in its purposes. What a delight to have a lifelong partner who acts as the iron opposite you (as in, iron sharpening iron). What a relief to be able to be real with another human being. To show your true colors to someone and have them challenge you, wash you (and sanctify you) with the washing of the Word, and understand you. This is why I believe marriage is often the greatest factor in the sanctification of a Christian. This is not true for all Christians, as some may encounter greater sanctifying challenges through children, illness, or other issues. But marriage is, nonetheless, freeing in its ironing/shaping quality.

#3- It is FREEING in its physical oneness. Freedom is not found in the bars in Georgetown, in the strip clubs in Dallas, or in the pay-by-the-hour hotels. There is a freedom that comes, not with pursuing any and all possible sexual partners one can amass in a lifetime, but rather, in being able to explore and relax and pursue and be pursued withing God's healthy boundaries of marriage. What a chore it would be to have to feel like every act of intimacy had better be tip-top, or else your current girlfriend/boyfriend might hit the road! With marriage, there is the opportunity for variety: to be fun, sensitive, playful, serious, pursuing, relenting, teasing, and fulfilling. No other venue but marriage can provide safety and freedom in the sexual arena.

#4- It is FREEING in its commitment. The world gives us the feeling that commitment is heavy, something serious and responsible, only for the old and tired. But commitment is what makes you free. Free to no longer posture in order to put yourself in the best possible light to all possible suitors. Free to be who you are and be fully accepted by another imagebearer. Free to pursue your dreams and even have a sounding board with whom to discuss those dreams.

Marriage is the great liberator. Contrary to what the world offers up by way of commentary on dating and sex, the greatest freedom comes in the greatest commitment: one man, one woman, one flesh.