Let's Talk House Cleaning...

So I've heard/read a few sayings lately about housecleaning, and I wanted to share them and see if you had any thoughts or responses to them. I think they are all interesting, though decidedly different, perspectives on housekeeping.

#1-

"If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,

it's because I have better things to do with my time."

#2-

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
~Phyllis Diller

#3-

"Keep your home clean enough to be healthy,
and dirty enough to be happy."

#4-

"The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes."
~Agatha Christie

#5-

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
~The evil stepmother on Everafter, among other sources

So, pick one or two and share how it either supports or flies in the face of your "philosophy" of house cleaning, eh?

(And if you're a really great housekeeper, share a few tips as well, so those of us who are, ahem, less "gifted" in that particular area can learn from you!)

"Successful" Parenting

We might all have different ideas about what successful parenting actually looks like in practice. Some do so-called "gentle" or attachment parenting... some follow particular books, authors, or methods for the "meat" of their parenting... some choose public schools... some make other choices.

Undoubtedly though, for Christian parents, the most important thing is getting the good news of Christ as the Savior of the world into the hearts and minds of our children. So we may all differ in one way or another on externals, but the most important thing is the delivery of the message of Jesus Christ. But if we're only mimicking the "success" of others, and don't truly "own" the plan ourselves, our hope that our children will have faith in Christ may come to nothing. In fact, if we deliver faith in something OTHER than Christ (perhaps money, beauty, or even something "good" like a Christian author, parenting method, or book), we may set them up for life-long rejection of the gospel.

It reminds me of the French castle scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail... where the knights of the round table want to get inside of the castle, so Sir Bedevere declares to King Arthur, "Sir... I have a plan... ." Soon, a giant wooden rabbit is being noisily wheeled by the soldiers towards the front gate of the castle (modeled after the Trojan horse, of course). They then run away to hide in the woods and see what happens next.

After the French soldiers have stealthily examined and approved the rabbit, they wheel it inside the castle. Just behind a little hill, we see the "knights of the round table" giddily hiding, and we hear:

Arthur: "What happens now?"
Bedevere: "Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Gallahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!"
Arthur: "*Who* leaps out of the rabbit?"
Bedevere: (pointing to each knight as he names them) "Uh, Lancelot, Gallahad, and I, uh... leap out of the rabbit, uh.... and uh..."
Lancelot: (groans)
Bedevere: "Oh, um, look, if we built this large wooden badger..."

And Arthur rightly knocks Bedevere on his head.

DON'T BLINDLY FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSE'S PLAN
My point is this: Bedevere wasn't coming up with his own plan. He was simply trying to mimic what worked for someone else. We don't need to put our hopes on "what works". And we don't need to look at what some other parents did as our ultimate goal. Should we learn from others? Absolutely!

But the verse in Proverbs says, "Train up a child in the way he should go"... and too many teachers have claimed that for their own method. Truth is, the verse is talking about knowing your child and training them up according to the way God built them-- their aptitudes, interests, personality, and maturity. We're not to parent every child in a factory-like manner. It shouldn't be a cookie-cutter approach. And the funny thing is-- we know that when it comes to our own children-- we know that our second child is nothing like our first, and that the discipline methods/teaching methods/etc. that "work" with our first child often don't work with our second or third in the exact same way. BUT-- we sometimes forget that when we look around at other families-- we see God at work in other families and may unscrupulously try to copy what they're doing instead of inquiring what HE would do in our family, with our unique family DNA.

If another family is doing something that you ought to be doing-- intentional discipling of their children, or training their children in biblical obedience-- then you SHOULD find a way to bring that into your own family life. But we shouldn't be blindly following any method, family, or parenting philosophy without checking it against Scripture and against the God-given vision He's given us as parents for our families.

BE THE PARENT GOD CREATED YOU TO BE
God made us each as individuals... and we are all different. And yet, we have His unchanging Word. So, we each as individuals need to look at the scriptures, look at what they say about parenting, about wisdom, about children, about teaching, about families... and implement them in that unique way that God built our family to do.

Some fathers may like theology and that may be a regular dinner table topic... other fathers may be better at teaching about God as they go about life-- on the baseball field and on the drive to the lake, etc. But all Christian fathers ought to be teaching.

Same thing for us as Christian mothers... one mother's approach may look different externally from other mothers' approaches, but we are all trying to do what Bedevere was trying to do: safely deliver something (or more specifically, Someone) into a place that is, for all practical purposes, out of our control. Now, we differ from those knights in that we are not trying to do it stealthily, or for ill purposes... but we DO need to get the pure, Biblical gospel into the hands, hearts, and minds of the children God has given us.

DON'T FOCUS ON EXTERNALS
Funny thing, though, because they built it poorly the first time, the knights' chances of success for any future attempt (like building a wooden "badger") were probably close to nil. They were so busy focused on getting the outside "right" that they forgot to focus on what was INSIDE the large, wooden rabbit.

If we spend our time making the outside *look* right, but we aren't actively stoking true faith, we are setting our children up for spiritual disaster. They KNOW when we are faking it. They KNOW whether or not we really believe God answers prayer. They KNOW whether or not Christ is permeating every part of our homes or just something we "do" on Sundays. They KNOW if our hearts are set towards eternal things or towards storing up our treasures here on earth. We have to let Christ do His work inside of us rather than focusing on getting all the outside things "right".

DON'T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE YOUR FOCUS
We need not sit around fretting about if our home looks or doesn't look like someone else's home. We don't have to have the same amount of children, or have the same bedtime routine, or do "school" in the same way, or have the same philosophy about discipline in order to be unified in our goal of honoring Jesus Christ in our family, and teaching our children to trust Him for all of their lives. We don't have to build a large wooden rabbit (or a badger!) just because someone else "succeeded" by building a large wooden structure.

Prayer and obedience should be the keystones of our parenting "method"... and learning from others is great, but should not take precedence over the importance of the Word. Seek to know Jesus and to make Him known in your home... and do it in a way that is natural for how God built you.

Show & Tell: Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

I'm gonna quit apologizing for the length of these posts and just revel in it. Confession time: Hello, my name is Jessica, and I am a link junkie. I LOVE passing on good links and it really lights my fire to see a bunch of out clicks on my sitemeter. So, here we go again. Show & Tell #50 gazillion. ;-)

WOMANHOOD:

• Candid Words from a Would-Be Mother
• Celebrating Womanhood- Ideas for delighting in the gift of being a woman
• 20-something reasons to live at home- as a single Christian woman
  
• JUDGED-- Mary Grace shares her thoughts as a foster mom who *gasp* has used food stamps for her foster son... and the reactions she gets. This one may get you to noticing that big log in your own eyes (ask me how I know!).
• How feminism tore one daughter from her mother
  
• Older Women Wanted-- Mary Pride's request for moms with know-how to stick around and help younger moms rather than retiring to an empty nest

MOTHERHOOD

• Loving Our Kids: Merry hits the nail on the head and gives a simple (but not easy) challenge
  
• Days Gone By- a brief but eloquent "musing" on children growing older
  
• Nursing at 13 months- We moms end up feeling bad or guilty for all kinds of things, don't we? (Even good things like breastfeeding our children!)
  
• Raising Godly Children-- encouragement from Scripture with practical application
  
• Encouragement for tired moms to PRESS ON!- It's a long interview with Janet Parshall, but well worth reading/listening to!
• Thoughts on sheltering and wisdom- more by my empty-nesting friend, Chloe
  

MORE ON ABORTION:

• Pill users beware!- Did ya know oral contraceptives may cause abortions?
  
• Gender selection abortions
  
• Obama: Babies as punishment
  
• Infanticide Procedure, step by horrible step: Doctors describe performing partial birth abortions-- Oh, this is not for the faint of heart... but God, help us to read this sort of truth and act, doing all we can on behalf of the unborn.
• Baby survives abortion, expected to live "normal" life-- (hat tip: Dust & Clay)

ON CHINA:

• Rights Activists IGNORE China's One-Child Policy- "My body, my choice", you'll hear from feminist activists the world over... except when it comes to the horrors that happen in China every day because of their "overpopulation" policy.
• China's aftershocks-- the earthquake served to highlight ethical problems inherent in the system
• "My dear baby, if you can survive, please remember Mom loves you."

CHEW ON THIS:

• Amish Friendship Bread- From what this says, your friends will thank you. So, should I make up the "starter" batch?
• Homemade White Bread-- for some reason, this looks absolutely delicious to me (and a friend of mine says that it IS!) So I'm linking for you-- but also for me, to motivate me to make it!!! :-)
• Starvation claiming Ethiopia's smallest- Will you consider giving (you can give through adoption agencies and orphanages) and helping provide food for these children?
• What People Eat Around the World- a visual index of food around the world
  

BLOGGING:

• CUT DOWN YOUR BLOG READING by learning how to use a "feed reader". DG takes you step by step, so even non-techies can use this!
  
• A solution for those of you wanting a new blog design! BLOGS FOR A CAUSE - Nikki does blog designs and donates part of the proceeds to charities-- Woohoo!

SPIRITUAL GROWTH:

• Spiritual Gifts-- a six-part sermon series by Mark Driscoll. Probably the most comprehensive and yet comprehensible handling of the spiritual gifts that I've come across. (The link is to Adrian Warnock's blog, who linked all 6 of the sermons in one post-- so you can get them all from there.) Here is a written summary of the sermons.
  
• How to Waste Your Theological Education-- tips for seminarians and other aspiring theologians... a good gut-check for what you're doing with that "education"
• Sovereignty of God & life transitions- I could echo every one of Mrs. Elliot's words.
• Living with all of the Body: thoughts on age-segregated vs. age-integrated church experiences
• Voddie Baucham talks about "The Family-Integrated Church"
  

FOR THE LOVE OF BOOKS:

• Sorting books-- deciding which to keep and which to pitch
• Big Thoughts for Little Thinkers: This series looks GREAT for teaching basic doctrine to young children!
• Librivox: Listen to public-domain books in audiobook format for FREE! (Especially helpful for homeschoolers-- you could listen to a classic work while doing other things around the home. Also available as a free podcast.)
  
• Puritan Library: Challenging Puritan works in e-book format in their entirety online.
  

ON PORNOGRAPHY:

• "Dear Person that Googled 'Porn' and Got Me"- I've been shocked to see how many people google porn and end up here at Making Home. Prodigal Jon gives an excellent response to that anonymous reader.
• Women Against Pornography
  
• Hugh Hefner's Wasted Life-- boy, this one is sad. Sad, sad, sad.

FOR A LAUGH:

• Engrish.com-- a daily serving of Engrish/Chinglish-- this is what happens to the English language when put on shirts, signs, store windows, and more in China. Having lived in China for a year, I find this particularly hilarious... but you might too. :-) [Note: very occasionally there are off-color items featured... but most of the time, it is both tame and hysterical.]
• What does "crunchy" look like?
  

OH--AND ABOUT THAT KITCHEN SINK:

• In case you are a young wife/mother/person who has NOT heard about this, it may be helpful. Flylady is a great online resource for cleaning or keeping your house clean. [Now, I should admit: I do not actually use Flylady. I am a Flylady failure... but that is partly because I was not motivated to keep it up when I DID use it, partly because I've lived in more places than I can count in the last few years and have just had to do whatever I could to "make it", and partly because I'm more of a clean-as-you-go and clean-as-the-Spirit-hits-you sort of gal. ;-) But many, MANY of my friends find it helpful. So maybe you will too. Plus I had to include a link that had something to do with the kitchen sink, OK?!?]

The Best Use of the Time

This verse has been kicking my tail lately-- Ephesians 5:15-16:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Specifically, the bolded part.

The verse makes me ask these three questions: How can I carefully walk in the time I'm given? How can I be wise with the time I'm given? How can I best use the time I'm given?

I've been trying to examine where I spend my time-- in the home-- how am I using my time? While out in the community, how am I using my time? While online, how am I using my time? When my husband's home, how am I using that time? It's hard to do this kind of evaluation, because it (at least in my case) reveals an inefficiency that is easier left alone than dealt with.

WALK CAREFULLY
Just this morning, I was listening to an Alistair Begg sermon (I love him by the way-- his Scottish accent is just like the icing on the cake of his great teaching!) called "Laziness". He talked about how laziness is a character quality that only snowballs in our lives. We are highly unlikely to one day get up and begin being productive and efficient in our every day lives if we have cultivated an attitude of laziness, sloth, and convenience. He compared it (overcoming laziness) to a mountain we have to climb in life-- only it's a growing mountain. The longer we wait, the higher it gets and more difficult it is to climb it and overcome that weakness in our lives.

Now, in comparison to where I was five years ago, I am a much more efficient homemaker, cook, mother, and wife. But I still waste time on the internet, still spend too much time "playing" and end up "playing" catch-up on household duties because I slacked, and still find that I'm not as efficient and hard-working as I ought to be. So I have things I need to be more careful about... for example, being sure I start the day with a hard-working attitude (because I've found that so much more gets done when I start the day that way). And I need to spend more time on the floor with my kiddos, playing and spending time with them in a way that is meaningful for them.

WALK WISELY
More specifically though, on this question of using my time, the verse talks not just about carefully using the time, but WISELY using the time. To me that implies making the most Christ-honoring choices with how I'm using my time. Sometimes, that will mean efficiency but sometimes that will mean setting aside the chores and intentionally "playing" with my children with love and building our relationships at the forefront of my mind. Additionally, it will undoubtedly mean saying "no" to some very, VERY good things.

For example, I've been a part of an online parenting forum for a while. But it's taking my time. Time with my family. It's a lovely place to go to talk with other women-- interesting, funny, godly women-- and yet, it's taking my time. I have other places online that I'd prefer to go with the stint of "free" time I have online... so aside from specific questions I might have or issues that might arise, I've decided not to go back there. It's a hard decision-- my arrow often wants to point on that bookmark. But I'm not going back there to just "kill" time.

But I should specifically say this: in the last year of our lives, going through culture shock, pregnancy hormones and all the rest, that place was a good place for me-- a place of fellowship and encouragement-- so don't hear me wrong on this-- I'm not dissing online friendships or forums or saying it's evil or that everyone else needs to quit or anything else. What I am saying is this: for me, at this time, this is the wise choice for me-- to quit "killing time" at that particular online "place".

MAKE THE BEST USE OF THE TIME
How can I make the best use of the time? It's a hard question to answer. And the more demands there are on our time, the more clear our priorities must be in our minds so that we can choose wisely how to use these moments we're given. But even if we're not always sure of the "best" use of our time, I'm sure for each of us, there is at least something we can do to make better use of the time...

I'd love to hear from each of you. Is this a struggle for you? Perhaps your struggle is the opposite-- maybe you are too rigid and need to deviate from your schedule occasionally in order to be flexible to what God asks of you throughout the day. But I'd be interested to hear how this verse may have specific implications for your life.


[Incidentally, the first day that I recently came across this verse, I went to my bloglines account and found that Randy Alcorn had written an article about it as well. His is VERY challenging and very well worth your time. It's called, "Planned Neglect: Saying No to the Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best". You'll not regret having read his thought-provoking article, even if it does take your time. ;-) ]

Filling Our Homes With the Word of God

Wanted to share several things that we do in our home to try to center our home in and on the Word of God. Here are some ideas in no real order, just as they come to mind.

- For school, we start with the Bible.

- As we're going about our day, we relate things back to God's Word-- stories that we can learn from, etc. For example, when my almost-4 year old took some candy and was found cowering, facing the corner, eating his candy (he didn't realize that it was OK with me... he just saw me give some to his sister and wanted some, which I was coming back to give him), my oldest son and I talked about how we really aren't any different in our core than Adam and Eve were... knowing that we've sinned or done something wrong still makes us want to hide.

- We buy and find Bible story and scripture song tapes & CDs for the boys to listen to (at bedtime and throughout the day, as they're playing, etc.)

- We listen to the Bible on CD-- we've been buying portions of "The Bible Experience" on iTunes, and I love it-- we can listen to the Word in a vibrant and memorable way-- learn more about "The Bible Experience" here. It not only ministers to me and allows me to hear the Bible in a fresh way, but it also helps my children to hear more of the Word, and my almost 6 year old in particular asks questions about what a word means, or what a certain part means, after nearly every time we listen to it.

- Buy scripture-based music (Sovereign Grace has very theologically and biblically accurate songs that are also uplifting and enjoyable; we also have gotten Scripture memory CDs that are put to kids' music... like Sing the Word from A to Z).

- Family Bible time- nearly every night (we don't do Sunday nights since we've already had a lengthy church time in our home with other families on those days)... this is just a 15 minute (give or take) time where Doug reads through a passage or a Bible story, we all talk about it, and then spend some time in prayer together as a family. Sometimes we also sing or act out part of a Bible story to help "lodge" it in our children's minds. We keep it simple but make it a priority in our home.

- We have TONS of children's books about the Bible: Bible story books, Children's Bibles, long, short, rhyming, informative, etc.

- We watch Bible videos as often as anything else. I'm not against other videos (we love Cars and Incredibles around here)... but we try pour in MORE of the Word than anything else. So, for example, when we noticed that our sons were living, breathing, talking, and thinking about Transformers nonstop, we did a cease-fire of all Transformers cartoons (even though they'd only watched it a couple times-- we're not big TV people)... and it helped correct the saturation of their little minds. We want them to be excited about the Word- not about some dumb show (apologies to all Transformers fans--including my husband-- I'm just putting it in an eternal perspective).

- We memorize scripture passages together as a family. So far, we've learned Psalm 1, the Beatitudes, and Psalm 23. We aren't legalistic about this, but we try to continue learning things together, at a pace so that at least our oldest two children can intake what we're learning.

Anyway, those are some of the things that we do. What do YOU do to keep the Bible at the center of your family's life, interests, and learning?

Hospitality by Moms of Young Children?

We host larger groups in our home regularly now (see the picture of piled up shoes in our entryway as proof!), and have for almost a year. But it wasn't always this way. Something I've realized (being a mom with young children) is that this is a wonderful way for moms of young children to be involved in life as part of the body of Christ.

Even though you are intricately tied to the home, you can serve, interact with, influence, and befriend all kinds of people by having a hospitable home. When people know you are happy to host guests, make desserts, or have a get-together in your home, you can become their “go-to” person whenever the need arises. When a guest preacher comes to your church, the pastor may think of you as a family who can provide him with lunch. If the women's Bible study needs someone’s home to host a party, you will become known as someone who enjoys opening up her home.

That may sound scary to you... it would have to me a few years ago. But the fact is that by opening up your home, you can get to know people better in a place that allows you to be the mom of your children. If your kids need a nap, you just excuse yourself, put them down for a nap, and rejoin the conversation moments later. Bedtime can happen and then the get-together can go on. Even during this time of "working at home”, when you aren’t regularly venturing out into the world, you can essentially bring the world to you.

OK, BUT HOW?
I'd encourage you to begin this week and learn a new dessert recipe, or put together 2-3 possible menus. Think of menus that would taste good, but also be realistic possibilities for you to prepare on an average day in your current stage of life. Think about things that can be made ahead of time and frozen, things that can cook all day in the crock pot but be excellent over rice or pasta. Consider the possibilities, and then craft a few possible menus.

Then, jump in. Invite another family over. Or an older couple. Or a hungry college student. At first, you will probably feel inadequate. You may find that you need to learn how to get several meal items all ready at the same time. Or it may be that you need to do a better job estimating accurate serving portions for groups.

Whatever you learn about your hostess skills, if you find something(s) lacking, focus on one thing that most needs improvement… and then do that one thing better the next time. The more you have people in your home, the more natural it will become. And by focusing on your one area for improvement each time, it will also become easier each time you do it.

BUT MY HOUSE IS A MESS!!!
In general, you can relax about the daily mess of life. Your home doesn’t need to look as pristine as the White House for guests to enjoy a visit in your home. Make things presentable and tidy, and then dive in. Do take the time to tidy up the room or rooms that you’ll be spending your time in, but don’t worry about it if you have a full hamper or haven’t mopped. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect, and in fact, the fact that you live in a “real” house will probably be an encouragement to the people you’re hosting.

BUT I’M NO FIVE-STAR CHEF!!!
As far as meals go, it can range from the simple and inexpensive (a baked potato buffet-style meal) to the basic and every-day (simple pasta, simple sauce, and baked/grilled chicken) to as creative and special as you want to make it. It’s really up to you. But simple meals like waffles with syrup or a grilled chicken salad can be every bit as good as the extravagantly-made meals that a chef could dream up. The point is NOT to become some world-class chef (although by having groups over, your cooking skills WILL greatly improve)… the point is to use your home to serve others.

And what a wonderful way to begin really getting to know your brothers and sisters in Christ! Invite the widows, college students or the single mom and her kids in your church over to your home.

Young moms, hospitality is an excellent way that we can extend our reach during this “home-bound” season of our lives and impact even those outside of our homes for God’s glory. We will find loads of ministry opportunities if we will graciously hold out our homes as a tool for God’s use.

Click here to read more articles about hospitality.

Down Days... We All Have 'Em.

I haven't blogged in the last few days, not only because I've been busy and have a newborn, but also because I've had some off days-- the kinds of days that you DON'T feel like writing about. The ones that leave you tired, bitter, battle-weary, and threaten to send you right over that proverbial edge.

But today, even though it's still a down day, I want to write about it. If for no other reason than to broadcast out there that this blogging mama has rough days too.

(Yes, the picture is supposed to be a visual confession of the mood I've been in lately.)

Here are some things that have happened too much in the last few days:

• self-indulgent pity parties in my mind
• kids spilling things about a million times a day
• griping at my kids for doing childlike things (see above) ;-)
  
• moping (no, not mopping-- that would be productive!)
• folding laundry to physically work out my frustrations (hey, I can't be completely lazy- I've still got 6 people to feed and clothe!)
  
• spending too much time reading on the computer
  
• trying to do things in my own strength
  

Here are some things that haven't happened very much in the last few days:

• prayer
• confession of those times when I blow it
  
• admission of my need of God

Wanted to be real... and maybe even engender some heartfelt prayers on my behalf. ;-) Also just wanted to say: down days... we all have 'em!

Call to Prayer in Our Homes

Our family lives in Turkey, where five times a day, we either barely hear or are audibly assaulted by a man's voice singing the call to prayer (depending on how close we are to the nearest mosque). Last night, as the Arabic sounds came dancing into our open windows, I began thinking about what the "call to prayer" would look like in Christian homes.

Of course, our first reaction may be that we don't want to be legalistic or formulaic in our prayers and addresses with God, and that is true to a point. And yet the Old Testament is full of examples of external "reminders" of God's faithfulness for God's people. (Think of the altars built to recall a certain event, and the unflinching regularity of sacrificial offerings.) The church as a whole, particularly the American church, could do with a little discipline. Regularity and a consistent commitment in our walks with God would be a refreshing change from the have-it-your-way brand of casual, comfortable, and convenient faith of so many that call themselves "Christians".

Anyway, last night as the call to prayer rang out, I began asking myself, and I want to pose the question to you as well:

What things regularly happen in your home to remind you and your children to praise God and take your requests to Him throughout each day?

• Regular times of prayer together (mealtimes, bedtime)?
• Daily time spent reading Scripture?
  
• Wall hangings/decor?
• Praise & Worship music, audio Bibles, and Bible stories playing throughout the day?
• Other?

I've shared some things about our home before (here and here)... but I'd like to hear from you and possibly get some fresh ideas for all of us to consider as we strive to raise our children to love God and take their burdens to Him, and as we strive to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. So tell me, what does the "call to prayer" sound like or look like in your home?

Battling Bedtime?

I don't ever want this blog to be a place for fakery or inauthenticity, and thus, I don't ever want it to seem like I'm one who "has it all together". That's far from the truth. Yesterday, I almost blogged about what a mess our apartment was and what a wreck I was (a dissheveled, unshowered mess as my husband left for work)... but I didn't even have the time to blog about it... that's how "not together" I was. :) The truth is, we all have weak spots and weak moments. But we all have strengths, too. And so, in a spirit of wanting to help other young moms, I want to share something I think we've done well.

So I'll just come out and say it: our kids are all excellent sleepers. And it hasn't been by "luck" as many people implied when we "just" had one or two children (I know all you moms of one or two out there are thinking, "JUST?!?!"). We have worked at it intentionally and made it a priority, for several reasons:

• Health/disposition of the baby
• Time together as a couple in the evenings, from about 7:30/8pm on
  
• Sanity of mom! :)
  

I have heard other moms gripe about this aspect of child rearing (moms who are still waking up with a 2, 3, or 4 year old, or parents whose children get out of bed for that proverbial "glass of water" about 6 times a night), and so I want to openly share what has worked for us. While these things aren't some kind of magic "formula", I do believe that they have each contributed to having three (working on four) "good sleepers" in our young family.

(1) Our kids have all started out on a Babywise routine, and have slept through the night by 5 & 1/2, 8, and 10 weeks respectively (we'll see how Silas does... he'll be 4 weeks old tomorrow and he's doing two 4-hour stretches). We try to help our children have good sleep habits from the beginning. With four very different children (different personalities, body types, weights, and one with reflux), this simple method (eat/wake/sleep cycle at roughly 2-3 hours between day feedings) of helping get an infant into a basic routine has been such a blessing for our family.

If you're a pregnant mom, check it out. If you're an exhausted mom, check it out. If you're just curious, check it out. I've loved it and have found it to be a wonderful tool for our family's rest, health, and sanity. You can check it out here.

(2) Consistent bedtime, with no ins and outs. Occasional legitimate bathroom needs or sickness are acceptable, but anything else will teach their little minds to come up with "excuses" to be out of bed! From about 6-8 months on, our kids are in bed by 8pm and sleep until about 7am. A consistent, predictable bedtime helps their active & growing bodies get the rest they need. And it gives mommy and daddy a built-in together time. Even if we never left the house for an official "date" (which we occasionally do), we have built in that needed time together in the evenings to maintain and strengthen our relationship as husband and wife.

(3) "But what about crying it out?" We have never used the "cry it out" method with an infant. That said, once a child is consistently sleeping through the night and starts waking up, we check for any unmet needs or problems:

• "is she teething?--if so, offer an icee and perhaps some tylenol
  
• "does he have gas?"-- if so, use gas drops. liberally.
• "is an arm stuck through the crib slats?"--if so, gently remove it and console baby. ;-)
• "did something scare him?"-- if so, snuggle and help him calm down.
  
• "does she need her diaper changed?"
• "is she sick?"
  
• etc.
  

Once we've gone through the list of possible needs/problems, and feel confident that all needs have been met (even if it's just that they were scared and woke up needing a quick snuggle), we put them back to bed and expect them to sleep.

Both older boys went through a period of waking up randomly with no needs or problems. In that circumstance, once they have exhibited a consistent ability to fall and stay asleep for the entire night, and their needs have been met, we expect them to sleep at night. It's that simple. So both boys had about three nights of "crying it out" to get back into that normal nighttime rhythm. The first night, they cried for the longest. The second night was less, and the third night was virtually none. After that, they (neither one) have had any night wakings aside from the very infrequent sickness or nightmare.

Some moms balk at "crying it out", but really, three nights of fairly short crying (the sum of which might amount to 2-3 hours total, if that) is a small "price" to pay for the entire family getting the rest they need. Particularly as compared to months or even years of time without a full night's rest for mom or baby.

(4) Two or more children in the same room? Instead of hassling with separate bedtimes, or worrying that they'll talk themselves into oblivion, play Bible stories and God-honoring music on tapes or CDs to fill that time while they're falling asleep! Not only does it help them to fall asleep, but it also occupies their minds with wholesome things. My sons have learned worship songs, memorized scripture, and had the stories of the Bible planted in their minds and hearts during this time between bedtime and falling asleep. A mom of eight recommended this to me, and since we began implementing it, we've never stopped. Our sons love it (they have something neat to look forward to as they get ready for bed), we love it, and I believe God is using that time to teach our sons and draw them to Himself, as they learn to worship and love His stories in those 20-30 minutes as they're falling asleep.


So those are my basic tips for avoiding the "bedtime battle", with little ones at least. Perhaps you disagree philosophically with one of my points. That's fine; I'm just sharing what has worked for us. I'm not attempting to say that it would work for everyone.

We've worked hard to help our children get the consistent rest they need, and because they've always gone to bed at a reasonable time, they happily go to bed now-- it's not work, it's not a fight, and it never has been. And as a bonus, Doug & I have built-in time together in our evenings. It's a blessing for everyone!


Hopefully something from our experiences can bless you, too. Sleep well! :)

Imperfect Past, Imperfect Present... Hopeful Future

Did you come from a divorced family, an abusive home, or some other past that keeps you feeling trapped in the "not-good-enough" category? Maybe it's the choices that you made that leave you feeling like you can never measure up with the "Joneses" around you. Perhaps you were raised in a fully-faked "perfect" (on Sundays) Christian family, and it leaves you feeling like authentic Christian faith in family life is (in reality) impossible.

Or maybe it's your present that leaves you feeling discouraged. Perhaps you are currently not living out anything like the kind of life, marriage, or family life that you *know* you should be living, but you just don't know how to do any different. Maybe you find yourself consistently doing things that you know you shouldn't do, and not doing the things that you know you should do. (For what it's worth, the Apostle Paul felt the same way.)

I just want to say, first of all, that I know at least some of what you're feeling. The choices I made as a young teenager (and the pain and grief that came from them) kept me in bondage for nearly 10 years, feeling as though I would never deserve anything good (isn't it sad how the devil twists the truth? NONE of us deserve anything good... it's not as if I was alone in that!), and that because I didn't *deserve* it, God wouldn't give it. What a crock of lies!

Which leads me to the second thing I want to say:
God is not like "karma"!

• He is MERCIFUL-- (He doesn't immediately give us what we deserve.) He doesn't want to "stick it" to us and get us back for all the wrong we've done, tit for tat. In fact, He is slow to anger, and abounding in love and forgiveness.
  
• And He is GRACIOUS-- (He gives us what we don't deserve.) He offers an abundant life, fully in line with His design of us and His purposes for our life. Even when life is difficult or when we face struggles, His plans for us are ultimately good.
  

He doesn't put our lives into a spreadsheet, weighing out the good and the bad, and from that input, determine what to give us (a good/bad marriage, lovable/intolerable children, abundant/struggling finances, etc.). But He DOES look for those mustard seeds of faith. Faithful choices, faithful words, faithful prayers... He wants our FAITH. He desires for us to HOPE in Him. We don't have to have our act together, or pull it together all by ourselves... He just wants our faith so that HE can do His work in us.

I have to tell you: He has been SO gracious to me... and He will do it for you too. His grace in your life undoubtedly will look different than what His grace in my life has looked like... He deals with us each in unique ways. But He WILL give it. He gives grace and mercy to those in need. He gives strength to those who wait upon (hope in) Him. He promises to give wisdom to those who ask Him. He gives favor to the humble.

So hope in Him! Admit your need, wait for Him, and humbly ask for wisdom. Don't let the imperfections of your past (or even your present) keep you from hoping in Jesus for your future. If you do, it doesn't mean everything will turn out like you've planned it, or like you want it to (from your perspective right now)... my life certainly hasn't turned out exactly like I thought it would. But I will say this: HIS plan for your life is going to be far more full and rich than the carrying out of your plans ever would be.

Don't be held back by what you've been, or even what you are today-- HOPE IN THE LORD!

Quick Query #26: What Useful Skill Do You Wish You Had?

It's been a while since I've heard from many of you... so, in an attempt to draw you out of your online "shells", I have this question for you:

If you could pick ONE of these useful homemaking crafts/skills to instantly acquire and be able to use in your everyday life, which would you pick?

(A) Sewing - to make clothing, draperies, and other cloth goods that look professional
(B) Cake Decorating - to bake and design beautiful cakes, from the simple and elegant to the elaborate and detailed (great talent to have for kids' birthday parties!)
(C) Furniture Refinishing - to take hand-me-down or antique/used furniture and wisely select fabrics, recovering and refinishing to look elegant and professionally done
(D) Knitting/Crocheting - to make nice-looking quality afghans, sweaters, and other items from yarn
(E) Carpentry - to design and craft quality furniture and other useful wooden items
(F) Painting - for everything from wall hangings to detailed decorative painting on furniture and walls to designing unique wall treatments

Please share which you would pick and WHY-- how it would be helpful in your current life! :) Can't wait to hear from you!

Graphic from allposters.com: Alphonse Mucha, Moterosso Villa

Treating Children as Individuals

Confession time: lately, between nighttime feedings, trying to carefully use our pre-made frozen meals, and snuggling with this new little fun person in our family, I've found myself making blanket statements to our three oldest children:

"Go find something to do that doesn't involve bothering each other."

"Everybody just grab a book and pick a couch that someone else isn't sitting on and READ!"

"Go pick a toy and play with it. By yourself. NOW."

And while I realize that these are some of the most difficult times-- transition as a family, lack of sleep, emotional and hormonal upheaval-- and while I recognize that this is merely survival mode... I still can hear myself reminding me, "they are each individuals-- you need to be parenting each one wisely!"

We try to do this normally-- assessing each one and trying to meet his/her needs and help him/her to rein in/fight those things that are problem areas. But I'm definitely having to be more intentional about it in this time of transition. It's so easy to let things go-- but they need me now too. They need me to still meet their needs- and that includes character needs.

The one who needs to be taught that emotions are not for manipulating others. The one who needs to learn to sit still, stop fidgeting and PAY ATTENTION, at least for a few minutes a day. :) The one who needs to learn the joy of focusing on making others happy rather than himself. The one who needs to stop hitting at the slightest hint of frustration. The one who needs more affection normally anyway. The one who needs face-to-face time together. The one who longs to be particularly near me throughout the day. I've got to keep these things in mind, even as I'm adding a new personality and new routine to the mix of our family dynamics.

It ain't easy, but if I can just put it (and keep it) in perspective, it'll be eternally worthwhile.

Show & Tell: Fun Finds for April

***Just wanted to share some exciting (for me) news: my letter to Maranatha has been published at the Gender Blog put out by the Council for Biblical Manhood & Womanhood. (This feels like silly self-promotion, but I'm so thrilled and feel so honored and I wanted to share it with all of you!) ***

Get ready for some fun links-- these should give you lots of interesting reading, so here we go!

INTERESTING VIDEOS:

• Mt. Sinai, Moses & the Exodus: This video is absolutely incredible; it's in 10 parts and takes about an hour and a half to complete. Full of interesting, on-the-ground archaeological and geographical research into the biblical account of the exodus based on the biblical text, the evidence unfolds before your very eyes. Ethan & I had so much fun watching this video after having read through the exodus account over the last few weeks in school.
  
• Butterfly Emerging from Chrysalis: I was explaining this to the boys a couple weeks ago and realized that there was probably a video on the internet that would show the whole thing. Bada-bing, bada-boom- I found this... a time-lapsed video that shows it in high-speed (and then you can click to watch the slow, real-time version). The internet has its drawbacks, but stuff like this is so incredible!
• Dinosaurs in computer animation: Based on bone structure and placement, animal "norms" and other research, Discovery channel put out these interesting videos that show what dinosaurs may have looked like in their original environment. Interesting stuff.

ABORTIONS, BIRTH CONTROL, AND BABIES:

• Even feminists are saying it: Wanna have a baby? Now's the time.
• John Piper has put out a new statement about the biblicality of birth control.
• Royal college warning about abortion: it can lead to mental illness
• Baby supposed to only live a few hours is perfectly healthy: makes you wonder how often this has happened before, when parents have opted to abort, doesn't it?!?
• The abortion industry's #1 provider-- Planned Parenthood: your tax dollars at work.
• Natural labor induction techniques: the most complete list I found, FYI.
• Post-partum dressing tips: great and feminine ideas from Emma about hiding the post-baby "pooch"
  

RELATIONSHIPS:

• I love you, but you love meat: not only an interesting commentary on veganism, but also an interesting commentary for all of us to consider about how personal idiosyncracies or preferences might keep otherwise compatible men & women from marrying and starting a family together.
• 83 Years of Marriage: what a neat story! Maybe we'll make it to 83 years-- there's at least a chance- we were married at 21! :)
• Holding Out: Boundless wrote a great article about young Christian singles who seem to be waiting for greener pastures... I'd love to hear from you guys on this-- do you think this is an accurate assessment of how things are going among Christian singles/college students?
• Either Serve God Wholeheartedly OR Get Married?
• An honest commentary about the "appeal" of abstinence education as it's been done by churches and Christian families in recent decades

THOUGHTS ON FAITH:

• 6 Aspects of Humility: Desiring God blog reminds us of what it means to be humble
• Brother Yun's Thoughts on the Western Church: See America's churches through the eyes of a Chinese house church pastor
• Obeying the Word of God: Terry reminds us to focus on obeying the basics of Scripture.
• The Unwasted Life: Tamara writes about intentional living-- living for God's glory-- living in light of eternity... good stuff.
  

WOMANHOOD:

• Girls: Rod Dreher shares his thoughts about the natural differences between the sexes.
• Is a Woman Just an Egg-Factory? Around the world, this is happening more and more.
• Bratz at the Beach: Crunchy Con shares some great thoughts about how the culture is affecting teenage and college-aged girls and their aims & dreams. It's disappointing and insightful all at once.
• Buying Clothes: the frustration of being a normal woman in a sex-driven, cleavage-baring, nothing-off-limits world-- do you ever find yourself wondering, "where can I get some normal clothes???"
  

ON POLITICS:

• An Open Letter to the Religious Right: WOW. I found myself nodding along to so much of this... especially-- ESPECIALLY-- the part about Ann Coulter.
• Mike Huckabee's take on the Obama/pastor/race issue
• Why Mike Huckabee's candidacy mattered
• Missing Mike Huckabee already
  

MISCELLANEOUS USEFUL or INTERESTING LINKS:

• Questions You Should Never Ask ANYONE- my friend Bethany compiled a great list of rude questions people ask when they oughtta just bite their tongue (I've been asked some of these!)!
  
• Stages of Responsibility: I found this to be helpful for ideas and to evaluate the reasonableness of asking kids to do various things around the house. It's a listing of chores and home responsibilities based on children's ages and skill levels
• On My Sewing Machine: Shannon might just inspire you to pull out the fabric & thread!
• Depressed in the Lap of Luxury: Why "having it all" does NOT equal happiness
  
• "How I Feed My Family of EIGHT on $300 a month"-- need grocery-savings tips? I think this woman's series of articles is a great place to start!
• Battling Sexual Sin
• Why I Don't Read Your Blog - I found myself nodding to a lot of these-- I've had to cut back on my blog reading anyhow (it's just overwhelming, and I easily fall into what Joe Carter described himself as-- a complete media junkie), but this list describes some of the reasons why I choose not to read certain blogs (ETA: Additionally, I found this list helpful in identifying problem areas that I need to avoid when blogging.)
  
• Jonah: Too Horrifying for Kids? - an honest appraisal of the dumbing down and p.c.-ing of Bible stories
• Designed for Sex: an incredibly good article about what sex is for and what we lose when we lose sight of God's plan for intimacy
  

GOOD FOR A LAUGH:

• This is something I've always been bothered by: the phrase "Hedge of Protection"-- and Tim Hawkins' comments about it cracked me up!
  

Finished With Time to Spare...

I just finished Silas' baby blanket a few nights ago and wanted to share pictures with you all! :) It's crocheted, and I took a picture with my foot at the very end so you could get an idea of the relative size. It's the longest baby blanket I've made, but I'm pleased with how it turned out... and I kind of like the idea that he'll still be able to wrap up in it when he's 10 years old if he wants to.

Here's a close-up of the detail work (a dark blue "post" stitch") and the border:

He's due in 10 days, on Easter Sunday, so I'm glad to have finished it. I've made a blanket for each child, and (heck, why don't I just post a picture of all of those too?)... I don't think I've ever shared my crocheting with you guys, so why not take this opportunity? They've been lovingly used so they're not as in pristine condition as Silas' currently is. But here are pictures nonetheless.

This was my first blanket to make- for our oldest-- Ethan:

I took the quilt-ish crocheted squares idea from a Martha Stewart Baby magazine... and adapted the colors for my gender-neutral needs (we didn't find out gender with our first pregnancy). Here's the detail for that one:

Here's Baxter's blanket... we DID find out we were having a boy our 2nd go-round, so I chose fun, bright colors and just made his blanket from an idea in my head. It's no longer "blocked" (even on all sides), but that's all right-- it is well-loved. :)

And the detail for his:

When I found out our third child was going to be a girl, I went off the girly deep end. I was so ready for a break from navy, denim, bugs, and dinosaurs. I went shopping and bought dresses and sweet things galore. She also got a totally girly, totally frilly blanket, and for the record-- she totally loves it. She wraps herself up in it at night, uses it like a queen's cape, and it really suits her. Here's Maranatha's fru-fru pink blanket:

Here's the detail. Hers is the only blanket that I have used varying styles of yarns for, and it works in this case. It was worth it for her, but I'm not sure I'd attempt it again.

I was having contractions last night, but they went away after about an hour... bummer. :-( I'm hoping to still get around to a "how all my different labors have gone" post... we'll just see. I'd actually be quite pleased if he decided to arrive and didn't give me time to do such a post. But now, regardless of when he comes, he'll have a blanket from mommy to be bundled in. Hooray!

ADVICE & ANSWERS: Time Management with Little Ones

Shannon sent this question in for your consideration and advice almost 3 months ago (yes, I'm just now getting to it...sorry, Shannon!):

I need some advice on time management with my toddler and almost one year old daughters. I too often set the girls in front of the T.V. so that I can get my chores or other projects done. My two and a half year old is very dependent and does not like to do activities on her own. I have tried to give her little craft projects (painting, coloring, gluing, etc.) and sometimes I will sit and help her, but other times I need to get to some chores or unfinished projects. She usually gets frustrated with the activity after only a few minutes unless I am helping her. And then I do not have enogh time to finish the things I need to get done! The only activity that entertains her long enough is T.V. or a movie. She can sit and watch for hours if I let her. I have been trying to limit her time to one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon and I still feel like this is too much time in front of the television. So how do you do it? How do your readers do it? How can I manage my toddler's time so that she can stay entertained (while learning) long enough for me to get my chores or projects finished?

I want to teach her and use every opportunity to do so. I have tried to include her in my chores, giving her little tasks to do, but sometimes she gets bored and just asks to watch T.V. I usually give in because then I can finish up whatever I need to do. What do you/your readers think? Is two hours of T.V. too much for a two and a half year old? Also, what are some things that can keep an 11 month old (note from Jess: now 14 month old) entertained and help her development?

So what wisdom and tips do you guys have to share with Shannon?