Making Home

Just a January Update

2012-01-18T09:25:00.002-06:00

Life updates, in no particular order, just to get them out of my head:

We got a dog. A cute little terrier (from a shelter) who we named Ziggy. We think he's a border terrier mix, but must've been mixed with a small breed because he maybe stands a foot off the ground. He's probably the best Christmas gift we've ever given the kids... they're all smitten, and happily taking him for walks, letting him lick their cheeks, playing on the floor with him, etc.
I just got back from Istanbul on Thursday. I flew there (alone) to sort out boxes, sell appliances & extra furniture, and prepare our items for shipment by barge. It was a busy week there, but productive. It will be nice to have everything we own in one place again.
In the days leading up to my trip, I realized that it would be the first time I'd be alone for longer than 8 hours, since nearly 10 year ago. I tried to use my time wisely, kind of like a personal spiritual retreat. It was wonderful to see friends, speak Turkish again, eat baklava, and have so much uninterrupted time to think, pray, and plan for this next season of life.
One of the things I was able to do there was to stay with a seasoned mom who has four kids about a decade ahead of ours. Watching her stay "busy at home" was very challenging to me... I've always known that her house is super-clean, but now I know why-- she works at it nearly all day every day! It was instructive to me to see the thorough job she did, constantly tidying, wiping down, and preparing for the next thing. I've continually grown as a homemaker, but I still have a long way to go!
This election cycle has been very interesting... the "anyone but Romney" rise, then fall, has happened to a variety of people (Bachman, Perry, Cain, Gingrich, and now Santorum seems to be on the downward swing) over the course of the election, except for Ron Paul, whose numbers continue to rise but not in a sudden way. It is interesting that the others have all risen without sticking... and yet, still, Republicans remain uncommitted to Romney. The establishment clearly wants him as their candidate, but no one else does. The party clearly needs an overhaul. The George H.W., Bob Dole, Cheney, Rumsfield, McCain crowd all want Romney, but they're all over 70. The person they all want least (Paul) is the person who can bring the most principle and the most youth to the party (despite the fact that he is closest of all the Republicans to their age). I am definitely in the Ron Paul camp, and am currently frustrated with the party. We need to once again be the "small government, low taxes, humble foreign policy" party... how far we have drifted! All the things Bush said but did not do are the things that Paul has lived, and has consistently promoted for 30 years... and yet, these are things that now, the party elites are balking at.

They do not like him because they can not control him. They do not like him because he is unwilling to say what he does not believe. They do not like him because he dares to hold opinions that vary from their own, because he dares to even question the mistakes of recent Republicans. We need to be an intelligent, thinking party, and instead, we are being controlled by the rich elite within our party. It is very discouraging. I will never vote for Romney. I could not ever bring myself to vote for someone who I believe will say anything to get elected. Even Obama at least seems to believe what he says, but that is not true with Romney, nor Gingrich. Both are political opportunists, and will never have my vote. Ron Paul is a man of principle and vision, and he has my support, both financially and politically. I encourage you to take a fresh look at Congressman Ron Paul and consider the direction of our party. Fellow Republicans, do not let our party be co-opted by smooth talkers and profit-focused opportunists; let our party once again be the party of ideas. Consider Ron Paul.
This is the longest I've gone being neither nursing nor pregnant... and I don't know how all you ladies deal with these hormones. Good grief; it's basically as if I've had none of it for 10 years, and reentering the world of cramps and headaches and PMS has not been a delightful experience for me.
Doug & I are doing a Bible-reading plan together this year, where we read the same book 20 times before moving on to the next-- we've started with Philippians, and I am most shaken and challenged by this verse: (3:3) "glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh." This seems to be the central verse for me as I've read through Philippians-- again and again- to live is Christ, have the mind of Christ, our citizenship is in Heaven, rejoice in the Lord, I can do all things through Christ, My God will supply every need. Essentially, the boiled-down nugget of truth at the center of all of this is "glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh." I want so desperately for that to be true in my life.
My husband is amazing. He blesses me in more ways than I can enumerate. I am so thankful for him. He's currently enrolled in an evening MBA program, so my computer time has been severely curbed, which is good for all of us. :) Thus, my blogging has slowed down significantly.

What else? Oh I'm sure there are more updates I am forgetting, but at least this gets them out and stops the endless blog-avoidance I've been doing as I felt like there was too much to say. Here's a life update, anyway. I've got more Bible study thoughts to share, when I have time to write.

Blessings to you & yours...

How to Get More Scripture

2012-01-14T20:52:00.000-06:00

As a mom of little ones, at times it can be so difficult to try to find time for the Word... and yet, it is SO essential! I have to confess there are times when I've fallen into discouragement & gotten out of the habit of regular intake of Scripture. However, there is nothing like having God's Word in your heart and mind as you go about life as a mom! Scripture is necessary for our encouragement, training, and strength... it is what we need as we minister to the people in our family!

Now, I absolutely don't want to contribute to legalism or a sense of failure for anyone out there, but also, I know there are many who are trying to implement new habits in Scripture as you begin 2012. Some of you have just had a new baby, some are homeschooling several children on different levels, and some of you may be chasing toddlers for what seems like 72 hours each day. In an effort to encourage your commitment to the Word, I offer up these ideas; use them as you see fit. Please view none of them as an absolute command... rather, see these as possible methods to utilize. I hope they will bless you as you seek ways to weave God's Word into your day.

Here are some ways, in various seasons of motherhood, that I've found to get more Scripture in my heart and mind:

Find an audio Bible that you love to listen to, and download books. Listen to Scripture as you go about your day... while you're building block towers, putting in a load of dishes, or folding laundry, your mind can be engaged in the Word!
Set your Bible on the counter and read while you work. As you flip pancakes or wash dishes, open up your Bible to the place where you are reading. Read a Scripture or two, and then let your mind focus on that verse while you do the next thing... then look back down and move through a passage a verse or two at a time
Wake up early and spend time in the Bible in the quiet of the morning. This is not something I have gotten into the habit of doing, but I've had friends for whom this works well. Our apartments and such have always been set up in ways where I would wake up the rest of the household if I got up, and so instead, I've opted to maximize sleep for everyone and find other ways to work Scripture into my days. But if this works for you, go for it!
Use your first discretionary time each day to have time in the Word. Particularly when I have a newborn, I find this method to be the most helpful. It allows me to get the rest I need to have, and meet my baby & children's needs, but also, once those needs are met, helps me remember not to putz around on the internet or take up a new sewing project with my few free minutes, when I haven't yet spent at least some time in Scripture. So with this, there's no set "time" or "method" so much as just trying to jump into the Word once I get a few minutes free.
Spend more time on a passage, not less. This may seem counterintuitive, as many Bible reading plans have you going through heaps of Scripture in a day's time, but I've found that I actually benefit more from the message of Scripture when I slow down and focus in on Scripture over the course of days. For example, for several years in a row, I took a "Book a Month" approach, and let each book's message percolate in my mind over the course of 4-5 weeks. Then I'd move onto the next book. That method allowed the heart and soul of each book to get more clear in my mind, as opposed to just sprinting my way through the Word. Each method of intaking Scripture has its own benefits, but I think particularly as a busy mom of little ones, this idea of parking in one place for a given length of time can give freedom and time to really draw the marrow out of a passage, and not contribute to a sense of feeling perpetually "behind".
Read it out loud. Whatever passage you are reading, read out loud to your children. Use your voice to emphasize different parts, and let the message of Scripture be heard in your home just as you would do with a read-aloud book on your child's level.

Hopefully one or more of these have given you a new idea or approach to consider. Perhaps you have another idea or two that could help other moms increase their Scripture intake? Please share them in the comments!

7 Quick Takes - #30

2011-12-02T11:18:00.001-06:00

Here's another "7 Quick Takes":

Herman, please stop. "Since I've been campaigning all week, I haven't had an opportunity to sit down with her and walk through this with my wife and my family. I will do that when I get back home on Friday," Cain told reporters " -- It's painful to watch his arrogance and lack of concern for his family. I can't imagine anything that would keep a respectable man from hopping on the next plan to his family, when accused of something like this, if false. This is horrible to watch, and I wish he'd just retreat and let the Republican race continue without this being the top story. There are much more important decisions to be made, and this perpetual Herman Cain/women story obscures the importance of the issues & decisions facing Republican voters.
Are you listening to Christmas music now? We are, but I'm kind of bummed, I lost about 1/2 of my Christmas music collection when my computer crashed last year. I can't abide by cheesy or sub-par Christmas music, so it had taken me a while to build up not just tolerable, but enjoyable Christmas music (Sarah McLachlan, James Taylor, Reliant K, top-notch orchestras -- lots of good stuff). So for now, I'm mainly settling for Pandora stations.
I've been embroidering like mad. I'm enjoying the fuel-for-ideas that comes from Pinterest. Here's my embroidery board, if you want to get an idea of what I've been doing.
Our ladies' Bible study group has been working through the book "What Did You Expect?", and though the cover looks like it was written in 1983, it was only published last year and is a wonderful book about marriage, expectations, and sanctification as believers. It's very convicting in the very best ways.
Doug's at an interview right now, as I type. This whole transition (our family deciding to stay here in America) has been faith-rebuilding for me, as once again, God reminds me of how much He has always cared for and provided for us. So many verses come to mind: "Remember the Lord," "The Father of Lights", "The Lord is near," "Forget not His benefits," "He cares for you," "Consider the birds of the air," "The Lord will indeed give what is good." That is not to say I believe that God will make us wealthy or always comfortable, or that everything will be smooth and easy, but I really am confident that our needs will be met, because He cares for us.
Yelling in anger. Do you yell in your home? I didn't until our oldest was about 4 or 5, and suddenly, the stress overpowered my will power, and down went the house of cards. I began yelling at the children when I reached that "boiling point"; it became a pressure valve. I'd rarely (almost never) yelled at Doug, but began yelling at the kiddos, and I've always hated it. And of course they hate it too.

So yesterday when a friend and I were discussing this sinful habit of ours, she shared something challenging and convicting-- that she was trying to fully get her head around the idea that God can help her stop it completely. That it IS possible to never yell again.

Something about that flipped a switch in my brain. I began thinking and praying more fervently last night... I know it is God's will that I not yell in anger at my kiddos (I say "in anger", because I have no problem yelling a name across the house if I'm cooking and need to tell them something... I just want to ditch the angry yelling), and I know that they hate it. It is hurtful and it is like poison in our home. It changes the tone and uses intimidation and bullying to accomplish the desired effect, rather than patiently continuing to teach and love them. I would never throw acid in my child's face, and yet, I will spew angry words? That doesn't make sense, and it's not right.

So I am praying that God will work this change in my life... that He will restrain me, that He will enable me to be self-controlled and REMEMBER the distasteful nature of this sin. That I will not excuse it, or justify it, but that He will help me cut it out of my life. Please ask me about it.
Check out this bit of hilarity: Jeff Tweedy (lead singer of Wilco) singing the Black Eyed Peas' "I Got A Feeling". It shows the inanity of pop-song lyrics.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #29

2011-11-25T07:35:00.000-06:00

Hope you had an incredibly restful Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. Downtime with family... excellent food... no stress of gifts... no one's in too big a hurry. I just love it. We feasted like kings, and I got to hold my one-month-old niece-- joy!
We're staying in America. That's right, not heading back in January. We'll continue to be here in Texas, able to love on family & friends in person. If you're one of our (real-life) friends and this is the first you've heard of it, I'm sorry... we made the decision about 2-3 weeks ago, and have let it out in waves.
Yes, that means lots is changing for us... looking for a job, house, couches, mattresses, sheets, dishes... wow. We may end up shipping some of that back from Istanbul; we're working out logistics over the next few weeks. Still, lots of changes coming our way. I'd appreciate your prayers.
Black Friday-- you venturing out? My mom & I are... I think we'll go to Joann's, and then I need to get socks for my youngest three children. Somehow, every time we go to leave the house, none of them can find any socks. We are, apparently, the Clampetts.
I'm LOVING this book Margin by Kevin Swenson. If you haven't read my last few posts about Margin, you should. This book has its finger on the pulse of the entire modernized world, and I think the author really has some challenging words.
Weight Watchers is so awesome. I love being able to eat real food, and even enjoy crazy-good-food holidays like Thanksgiving and still be a-ok weight-wise. I've now lost 20 pounds, and still have about 20 more pounds to go.
Whatcha thinking about this Republican field of nominees for 2012? Here are my thoughts:

Perry is embarrassing, and Cain is just underwater now... between his women issues and his continued misspeaks, even if he is a good leader, he is just a rotten candidate. I wish either of these men (or both!) would be humble enough to recognize that they are a drag on the race and resign, but no, they just keep right on.
Romney had a weird blip this week. He was in a good position, to just wait it out and hope for Republicans come to the conclusion of his inevitability, but then he went and made this ad where he completely misrepresents something Obama said. It's a flat-out lie. I don't understand the reasoning behind this decision; he was sitting pretty and is now potentially in hot water.
Gingrich has somehow positioned himself as a smart, potentially palatable non-Romney. I think he and Romney are battling it out for the top.
Paul is continuing to present the message of freedom and not being the world's bully. People don't like that last part so much... but really, how has that approach (the "bring it on" mentality) worked for the last 12 or so years? There's a reason why Ron Paul gets more donations from the US military servicemen than all other candidates combined. He knows what he's talking about, in regard to both the budget & foreign-policy.
Bachman & Huntsman have actually both appeared more presidential & commanding with foreign policy issues in recent debates. It is possible that one of them might have a chance, but it's a slim chance.
Santorum's campaign confuses me. I don't really know anyone who supports him and it makes me wonder if he's trying to run for veep?

What say you? About the debate or any of the rest of this rambly post... I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Margin #3- Overload: When Our Threshold is Exceeded

2011-11-21T15:09:00.000-06:00

Have you ever done one of those points-based "stress evaluations"?

Doug and I always laughed when we'd see those over the last 6 years, living overseas. With culture stresses, job changes, moving apartments, new babies, changes in our diet/living, and the like, we always ended up scoring far, and sometimes ridiculously far, off the charts.

If you're a parent in this American culture, you likely would score high as well-- job change, relocation, pregnancy and babies, changes in sleeping habits, unemployment, change in schools, increasing dietary allergies and illnesses that lead to diet change-- these things are par for the course.

Overload is a common malady among us.

LACK OF MARGIN

In this discussion of building "margin" into our lives, a common objection might be, "People have always had to work hard and set priorities for their lives. 'There is nothing new under the sun,' like Solomon said." But Swenson writes that contemporary stressors affect us all much more than typical "pressures of life" affected the generations prior to this one. Some highlights: we have much more change coming much more rapidly in our lives; we have more activities to arrive at and more deadlines to meet; intact supportive family relationships have been dismantled; and long-term friendships are increasingly rare.

When the pressures of life mount up to unsustainable levels, and our support systems are arguably weaker than they have ever been, the result is often burnout.

In our interactions with other expats (overseas-dwellers), we would hear about burnout relatively often. It's a common phenomenon among people who have pushed all their stress levels to the max, particularly when those people lack familiar "pressure valves" (i.e., a close relative living nearby to help with the kids every great once in a while) that they have previously used to relieve stress.

"Burnout: If you bend a small tree and then release it, the sapling will return to its former shape. This is analogous to stress-- we bend and then recover. However, if you bend the sapling until it snaps, it stays broken. This is analogous to burnout. Something inside breaks."

THRESHOLD AND OVERLOAD
Swenson points out that we naturally bend to some limitations-- physical limits, for example, limit the number of tables & chairs that can fit in a given room. While you might be able to cram in 100 piece of furniture into a room, would you really want to? Of course not, because that would make the space unusable.

Performance limitations often pertain to both physical limits & the unquantifiable factor of will power. And while the human will is indeed and incredible force, there are physiological limits on us all... Swenson points out:

"Runners keep running faster, and swimmers keep swimming faster. But there must be an end to this, true? We cannot run the mile in one second. Neither will it ever be possible for anyone to run it in one minute. There is a built-in physiological limit beyond which records will rarely be broken."

Like the graph shows, humans' "performance increases with increasing demand and increasing effort-- but only up to a point. Once we reach our limit, fatigue sets in, followed quickly by exhaustion and collapse."

"Emotional limits are even more vague"-- while there are clearly physical limitations, it is more difficult to understand fully how much one individual person can "take", emotionally speaking. And yet, we inherently know to deal gently with an emotionally fragile person, and we might say that they're "on the verge of collapse", or near their "breaking point".

Mental limitations are as difficult to define as emotional, but certainly, the human brain can not store an unlimited amount of facts. There is an amount of data, or a speed of input, that would cause our brain and/or memory to essentially shut down. Swenson points to the high stress and frequent burnout among air-traffic controllers as evidence of mental limitations.

BUT WHAT ABOUT "I CAN DO ALL THINGS"?
In response to the (mis)use of that verse, Swenson answers,

"Does this mean that you can fly? Can you go six months without eating? Neither can you live a healthy life chronologically overloaded. God did not intend this verse to represent a negation of life balance. Even Jesus Himself did not heal every case of leprosy in Israel. Think about it.

"It is God the Creator who made limits, and it is the same God who placed them within us for our protection. We exceed them at our peril."

What happens when we exceed our limits?

Anxiety- the load is too great, and nervous breakdowns begin to occur
Hostility- people snap; they blame and/or take out frustration on the people around them
Depression- their hostility is directed inward, and "they withdraw into a fog of gloom"
Resentment- the overloading, demanding job/life that used to be enjoyed becomes the enemy

OVERLOAD SYNDROME

Swenson takes a long time to list out the way that activities, changes, choices, commitments, debt, decisions, expectations, fatigue, hurry, information, media, noise, people, possessions, technology, traffic, and work overload our lives and leave us weary and worn out. Here are a few highlights from his expansion on each idea:

"We are a tired society. Even our leisure is exhausting-- 54 percent of us admit we are more exhausted at the end of a vacation than at the beginning."

"A single edition of the New York Times contains more information than a seventeenth-century Britisher would encounter in a lifetime."

"We have more things per person than any other nation in history. Closets are full, storage space is used up, and cars can't fit into garages. Having first imprisoned us with debt, possessions then take over our houses and occupy our time. This begins to sound like an invasion. Everything I own owns me. Why would I want more?"

WHY DO WE DO IT?

To the question, "Why do we allow these things to continue?", the author offers these reasons:

lack of understanding-- the problem is relatively new, and thus we are blinded to it, "even when it has us by the throat"
a sense of conscientiousness-- feeling that we should "do all we can" or that we should always/only "give til it hurts"
follow the leader- "our economy and our society are run by the driven. They climb to positions of power by force and then demand the same over-commitment from those under them."

Here, I think Swenson offers a helpful, discerning point for Christians:

"I am not suggesting that we should strive to have a pain-free, stress-free life. The Christian walk will always be full of problems and work. Many times we must be prepared to suffer willingly. What I am suggesting, however, is that given the unbiquity of overload, we need to choose carefully where our involvement should come. We must not allow ourselves to be hammered by distress in the many areas of life that have absolutely no transcendent importance. It is not the will of the Father for us to be so battered by the torment of our age. There must be a different way-- a way that reserves our strength for higher battles."

ONE PART OF THE SOLUTION
Finally, after 3 parts, I get to share *PART* of Swenson's solution to this lack of margin that affects nearly all of us:

"The problem is overload.

"Each of us needs to seek his or her own level of involvement and not let the standard be mandated by the often exorbitant expectations of others. Some around us who are much more involved than we are may not understand why we choose to hold back. Others might be much less involved than we are-- we assume they don't care. We must understand that everyone has a different tolerance for overload and a different threshold level when breakdown begins to occur. It is important for us to set people free to seek their own level. "

He suggests that the answer is in learning to set limits, and to respect the limits of others. And he devotes the rest of the book to learning to allow for margin in each area of life.

So as we think about this, I think it is helpful to see this in terms of how we react to and interact with others. Do we expect them to be involved in every church event? Are our expectations grace-giving in this area of commitments and involvement, as we wish for others' expectations toward us to be?

What thoughts do you have? I've enjoyed reading your comments and reactions thus far in the series-- did these quotes/ideas bring any new ideas to your mind?

Donkey image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #2: Progress, Relationships, & Mental Stress

2011-11-18T15:40:00.000-06:00

As I continue reading Margin, I've enjoyed the things author Richard A. Swenson has to say about modern life and its lack of margin. Margin is the idea of building "reserve" into your life, so that you have room for what's most important in life. He observes:

"Progress's biggest failure has been its inability to nurture and protect right relationships. ...Margin, however, knows how to nurture relationship. In fact, margin exists for relationship. Progress, on the other hand, has little to say about the relational life. Even our language gives us away. When we talk about progress, we do not mean social, emotional and spiritual advancement. [Rather, we mean progress in areas of] money, energy, transportation, housing, communications, technology, and education. People, however, have relational needs that go much deeper."

WHERE TO INVEST?
His challenge in these chapters (chapters 3 & 4) is that God would have us use our spiritual gifts, and the "overflow of our hearts" to invest in the social, emotional, and spiritual environments of life, rather than following where progress would have us invest our efforts-- solely in the cognitive and physical environments of life.

Society looks for the answers to social problems in physical solutions and education-- give people more money, and/or set up more classes to educate people (i.e., Think of Oprah's classic response, "when we know better, we do better"-- is that really true? Is modern society "doing better" now that we "know better"?). In reality, while these temporary solutions may provide short-term relief, they do not solve matters of the heart.

"Discerning Christians have long known that God is not impressed with our wealth, education, or power. Nevertheless, we have labored eagerly in those fields. What if, instead, we were to begin measuring our progress not by our wealth but by our virtue; not by our education, but by our humility; not by our power but by our meekness?

"Graduate degress and DNPs will never usher in the kingdom-- only love can do that. And love brings us back to [William] Wilberforce: 'Above all, measure your progress by your experience of the love of God and its exercise before men."

PHYSICAL vs. MENTAL STRESS
The final idea I want to share from these chapters is a contrast of physical vs. mental exertion, by E.F. Schumacher:

"The widespread substitution of mental strain for physical strain is no advantage from our point of view. Proper physical work, even if strenuous, does not absorb a great deal of the power of attention, but mental work does; so that there is no attention left over for the spiritual things that really matter. It is obviously much easier for a hard-working peasant to keep his mind attuned to the divine than for a strained office worker."

Interesting observation, isn't it? It is obvious when you think about it-- I often get my best thinking done when I'm doing purely physical tasks-- folding laundry, washing dishes, mowing the lawn. These type of tasks give mental "margin", and give me room to analyze life with sobriety and clarity.

Now, of course we all deal with stress differently, and we all can manage different levels of it. Generally, though, I think our society pushes too hard, too fast, and too full... this book is definitely causing me to rethink some of the ways that I thoughtlessly ramble along with "progress" and technology in ways that might actually be detrimental to my family and myself.

What about you? Do you see areas where progress has actually hurt your relationships, or increased your stress? How do you manage this in your life?

Image: vichie81 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Margin #1: Progress, and the Modern Life

2011-11-16T14:24:00.000-06:00

For the last few weeks, I've been reading (and greatly enjoying!) a book called Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. If you're not familiar with the idea of "margin", here's a telling snippet from the 1st chapter:

"Progress has given us unprecedented affluence, education, technology, and entertainment. We have comforts and conveniences other eras could only dream about. Yet somehow, we are not flourishing under the gifts of modernity as one would expect. ... How is it possible that the homemaker is still tired despite the help of the washing machine, clothes dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner? If we are so prosperous, why are the therapists' offices so full?"

"Margin," he writes, "is having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month, and sanity left at the end of adolescence. Marginless is being asked to carry a load five pounds heavier than you can lift."

He makes the point that some people believe that nothing's different now; "we've always had stress, it's just different stress now", they say. His reply?

"I'm not the one who's making the fuss; I'm only writing about it. I'm only being honest about what I see all around me. Something's wrong. People are tired and frazzled. People are anxious and depressed. People don't have time to heal anymore."

Dr. Swenson boils it down to this simple situation:

Symptom: Pain
Diagnosis: Overload
Prescription: Margin
Prognosis: Health

He prescribes building margin into our lives in order to restore sanity and build up a "reserve" in our lives, so that we can focus on and do what is most significant.

The Link Between Progress & Margin
I'm interested to read his recommendations for how to deal with stress and "marginlessness" in our lives, because he makes the point-- an interesting one-- that the decrease of margin in our lives is directly correlated to the march of progress.

"In a general sense, those cultures with the most progress are the same as those with the least margin. Margin has been stolen away, and progress was the thief."

One example offered is that when progress meets a tree, it makes "tables, chairs, bowls, and toothpicks." Progress always changes, and gives us increasing amounts of things at increasingly faster speeds. And yet, in the midst of all these efforts to make things bigger, faster, more intense, and better, human beings still exist with fixed, human limits. There is only so much we can do in a day, only so hard we can push our physical bodies, only so much pressure our emotions can handle, etc.

From what I can tell of Dr. Swenson's recommendations just four chapters in, the goal of this book is not to encourage us to stop progress, hide in a cave, or become Amish. I like how he closed up chapter two:

"Please understand: progress is not evil. Similarly stress, change, complexity, speed, intensity, and overload are, for the most part, not enemies. But we have different conditions at play than at any other time in our history and we must discern our course carefully lest we be overwhelmed by forces out of control.

"We must have some room to breathe. We need freedom to think and permission to heal. Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity. No one has the time to listen, let alone love. Our children lay wounded on the ground, run over by our high-speed good intentions. Is God now pro-exhaustion? Doesn't He lead people beside the still waters anymore? Who plundered those wide-open spaces of the past, and how can we get them back?"

Do these questions and concerns resonate with you?

Do you feel maxed out and spent?

Do you see a connection between the rise of technology/progress, and the lack of "margin"/space in your life? Isn't it ironic that the more "in touch" we are with one another (Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc.), the less human-to-human interaction there really is? Perhaps you've read this book, or another one on this subject? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Image: m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homeschooling, Convictions, and the Christian Welcome

2011-11-13T23:03:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been in a home where you felt truly welcomed? Maybe it was the way you were received into a home, or perhaps a friend did something that made you feel fully accepted and treasured-- welcomed.

Have you ever experienced the opposite? Maybe it was a group of kids in school who made you feel left out, or a group of adults at work or church who already had their 'clique' and didn't seem to want to have anything to do with you, or a party where you felt like you never really connected with anyone in particular-- unwelcomed.

I'd like to explore the idea of the Christian "welcome" that should exist within the Body of Christ, even while we hold varying personal convictions. Specifically, I'd like to talk about the sense of unwelcome that is communicated when (at least on the internet) every stance, every conviction, every choice a couple makes is held up as an all-or-nothing proposition, particularly within the Christian homeschool community.

HOMESCHOOLING & CONVICTIONS

Friends of mine have shared that it can be difficult if you're a homeschool parent of an only child, or even of 2 or 3, when curriculum covers continually feature families of 9 or more, all dressed in denim, period dresses, or plaid. Intentionally or unintentionally, it projects the message that smaller family units are not valued or welcomed within that circle.

It also, speaking frankly, projects the message that homeschoolers are some strange breed of humanity, and draws unnecessary and extrabiblical distinctions between us and the world around us, when there are plenty of biblical distinctions that could and should be a better focus of our time and attention.

Even more insidious is the idea that unless we all hold identical convictions on everything, we can not (and should not) be in fellowship. That standard could be one's political views, stance on contraceptives, headcoverings, skirts, or what educational choices are made by adult children. Sometimes it is all of these.

For pete's sake, there are Christian homeschool organizations that have stances on men's facial hair! It has gone too far, and intruded too deeply into areas where God is fully capable of speaking and leading in the life of a family.

HOMESCHOOLING = HOLINESS?

Recently, Tim Challies has written about homeschooling, and -I'll admit- I have disagreed with some of what he said, and more generally objected to the approach he uses when he talks about homeschooling, which to me has come off almost like a bitter teacher who wants to "teach a lesson" to the kid he never liked. However, regardless of my take on his attitude, I think there is one larger point interwoven in his articles worth considering: homeschoolers have too often projected an image that we think that this one educational decision-- homeschooling-- is a holier decision, or that it will somehow save our children from the resident sin within.

Part of that may be that any significant decision one makes that intentionally takes a minority position seems to cast rejection and judgment toward the majority view, but part of it is that the homeschooling community (writ large) has repeatedly, methodically, sometimes unintentionally, but sometimes intentionally, projected that sense of judgment and disdain toward other choices over the last few decades. I am not suggesting that I agree that this is a motivation of why people choose to homeschool. What I'm suggesting is that we need to be aware of this ability to easily come off as "holier than thou", and write and speak about homeschooling more carefully.

UNITY IN CHRIST

As I write here, I want to be careful to cling to what is good and delight in the beauty of the Bride of Christ. For my part, I want to earnestly seek unity within the Body of Christ, not based on externals, but based on faith in the grace of Jesus Christ as the sole means of my justification. Whether my daughter, or yours, wears pants or goes to college is not a salvation issue. Whether or not a family uses contraceptives or not should not be a fellowship issue. Honestly, while these issues are sometimes discussed among friends, I do not hear them spoken of in real life to the degree or frequency as I see on the internet.

And schooling decisions are different the world over. The importance we place on the issue of homeschooling is laughable in a place where the church is being persecuted and can not even meet publicly as believers- places like China, Tajikistan, or Iran.

While I've worked through some of these issues in my writings here at Making Home, I am writing these things here today, because I do not ever want to be a part of projecting an image that says "if you'll just clean yourself up, or do these things, or hold identical convictions to mine, THEN you will be acceptable to God, and to me as a fellow believer." Our salvation is granted by Christ's blood-- completely, 100%. There is nothing we, or our children, can do to merit it. I never want to even hint otherwise.

RANKING CONVICTIONS

At the same time, I know that when we come to personal convictions, we hold them dearly. We see how God has led us to certain "a-ha" moments in life, and we treasure that leading of God's Spirit. And that is right and good, that we value the things God has taught us. And I know that where there is conviction, that issue is often raised to the level of sin in our own estimation, as we are commanded in Scripture to only do those things that we can do in faith. Even while I sit here and write this, I know that there are convictions I have that I would rank more significantly than you might rank those same convictions in your own life, and vice-versa.

WELCOME

But my point is that we have to speak and write about these things with balance and with grace. If our arms and lives and mouths are so full carrying around these personal convictions, how can we truly open up our arms and offer welcome towards those God has put in our path whose non-salvation-oriented convictions differ from our own?

So for me, the issue becomes this: How can we hold our personal convictions securely, and yet gladly be a part of a more diverse Body of Christ?

And I think Romans 15 says some wonderful things on such a point:

"Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself... may the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God."

I want to think on these ideas more--

(1) please our neighbor for HIS good, to build him up

(2) rely on the God of endurance and encouragement to live in harmony

(3) seek to live in harmony with others so that, together, we can glorify God

(4) welcome others, for God's glory

But for now, thoughts? Comments? Christian sister, I would love to hear your reaction to these scattered thoughts I've shared.

welcome mat image: Stoonn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

shaving image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Slumps: What to do when you hit one?

2011-10-27T15:36:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, we went to Half Price Books and I was so excited to get a good selection of books (on the cheap!) to give me a boost in the area of personal Bible study. Last year, I hit a real slump in that area, and I really want to be intentional to try to nurture that area of my life, so that when I hit another tough time, I'll have a variety of spiritual "food" to intake.

Are you in a slump? It could hit in many different places:

marriage
spiritual life
relationships with your kids
emotions
sex life
friendships

But when it hits, it can be hard to climb out. I'll offer thoughts on a few... I'd love to have you share your tips/ideas for dealing with slumps in any area of life as a Christian woman!

Spiritual Slump
Sometimes I want Someone to just come and lift me out... and sometimes He does. But sometimes, He comes and is simply with me in the pit. And sometimes when I don't reach out to Him, He gently reminds me how much I need Him.

So what I am learning to do is just keep talking to Him. Just keep looking outside of myself, to find where my Creator, Redeemer, and Friend is at work. I may have ebbs and flows, but He is always the same. So when I look to Him, there is a fixed "constant" in my life, no matter what else is going on around or inside of me.

What I did last night is pre-purchase a number of those little Bible study guides put out by NavPress, Charles Stanley, or Chuck Swindoll, so that I have an intentionally-selected system to use to study God's Word in new ways, particularly for those times when I'm not just bursting with ideas or an intense desire for Scripture. I've found that this is particularly important for me overseas when I don't have as many options for conferences, women's retreats, etc.

Sex Life Slump
Now, every time I check out my SiteMeter, I am very aware that the articles I've written about intimacy are still the most-visited, most linked, and most popular posts here at Making Home. :)

But of course, in our marriage, we still hit sickness, a crazy schedule, travel times, and general exhaustion from time to time, like anyone else. It could be easy to cast this area of sex aside as one thing to remove from "the list" of necessary "to-do"s. And I'll admit that lately I've not been as creative and fun in this area as I'd like to be.

However, it's such a central part of the marriage relationship that it would be a shame to let it fall to the wayside. A few things that help me as a woman are to: (1) take time to really kiss my husband... not just a peck, but really look him in the eyes, and kiss him, every day. (2) Freshen up! Take a bath while he puts the kids down, or get a shower in during naptime. Spontaneity is more easily achieved when you feel clean & relaxed. (3) Just do it. I don't mean to do it without enthusiasm or enjoyment... I mean, let yourself just go along for the ride. Take time to enjoy the simple sensations and fun times together that happen when you are alone with your husband. Just do it.

I've heard a number of women express the idea that sex is like exercise-- "I may not always feel like doing it beforehand, but I'm always glad to have done it."

What about you? Have you been in, avoided, gotten out of, or even simply made it through, a "slump" in your life? Please share in the comments!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #28

2011-10-20T23:16:00.000-05:00

This week's (random) "seven takes" on any topic under the sun:

I just need to say this, for the record. I hate the end of the newer (2005) Pride & Prejudice, with Keira Knightly, where Mr. and Mrs. Darcy are out on their terrace talking about what endearments he's allowed to call her. It's a cheesy, strange, modern add-on, and comes close to ruining the interesting cinematography of that particular interpretation of, and the general enjoyment of anything written by, Jane Austen. I really can't stand it.
Republican debates:
••• Boy, Perry has continued to bumble and fumble his way through his answers to even simple questions. And the polls are showing his foibles. Unless something significant changes, he'll need to bow out of the race before Christmas.
••• Romney is looking better and better in comparison, and I'm no Romney fan.
••• Course, Cain has a strong showing in the polls right now, but I think he may do like Bachman and Perry and be a flash in the pan, as voters haven't yet fully thought through the implications of having not only an income tax, but adding 10% to every purchase someone makes. That's a lousy idea, and will give future lawmakers yet another place to hit us with higher taxes when it suits them.
••• I could be wrong, but Newt Gingrich seems to be in this to get a significant role as elder statesman in the Republican party. I think he wants to be able to influence the debates, but not actually BE the President.
••• What has been interesting to me is to hear the Republican candidates espousing ideas and embracing positions that until recently, only Ron Paul was bold enough to hold.
Fact is, Ron Paul has been trumpeting the problems of multiple wars, overtaxing, the growth of the federal government, and the need to understand and audit the Federal Reserve for decades. His political consistency and personal honesty have now won me over, and I grow more and more appreciative of the fact that I can count on him to give a real, thoughtful, non-pandering answer to the questions posed to him. He does not shift his positions based on the group or person to whom he is speaking. He's the kind of candidate that would have been elected 200, or 100, years ago, and he's the candidate we need today.
I've been crafting up a storm lately. Up until about 3 years ago, I would have reacted with an immediate refusal if someone had described me as "crafty", but it's time for me to just go ahead and embrace it. I didn't used to be, and I don't do all kinds of crafty things (for example, I'm not a scrapbooker, and I don't make jewelry), but I love to crochet, embroider, make banners for our home; basically, I love the "fabric arts".
Last week, I finished a crocheted baby blanket for my soon-to-be-born niece (I've never had a niece before!). I used the same wave-like pattern I used for Moses' baby blanket (it's the first picture, with blues), added a minky-style bump border, and used a pale almond colored bamboo-silk (70/30) yarn. The silk gives it a wonderful sheen, and turned out just right to match my niece's neutral-colored room.

And since then, I've been embroidering a bunting-style banner for my daughter's room. I'm making all the triangles while here, and then I'll stitch them to a long fabric strip to hang once we get back overseas, in her room. Pinterest (Here's a link to my Pinterest boards.) has been GREAT fuel for ideas to use as springboards. (Maranatha, our 5 year old daughter, has been watching me, and decided she wanted to embroider one as well. It will be special to have her first embroidered piece hanging in her room.)
We've been traveling a lot over the last 3-4 weeks, and it's good to hunker down in and find that it's finally FALL. The weather has been so pleasant-- long sleeve, open-window weather. I love it! Hope you're able to enjoy a great weekend!

You may want to take time to stop by Jennifer's blog and read more "Seven Quick Takes".

Sin and "Watershed Moments"

2011-10-18T20:06:00.003-05:00

David Powlison is the lecturing professor of the counseling class I've been taking (via distance education), and one of the terms he uses that has been helpful for me in thinking about sin is identifying when "watershed moments" occur in our lives. He uses the term to refer to times when our reactions, words, or attitudes (even in something small) act as markers that give indication of is really going on at a deeper level in our hearts. Often, the same exact situation can produce entirely different reactions in two people... and these moments can give insight as to why we react the way we do.

Yesterday's "Watershed Moment"
Just this week, I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, weighed in (I'd gained .6 pounds, but was totally OK with that, because last week was our "birthiversary"-- my birthday and our anniversary over 2 days-- and I'd enjoyed cheesecake and not exercised much, so I was completely OK with the slight gain), and was pumped about starting a new week. I'm really enjoying Weight Watchers (my mom and I are doing it together), and love the accountability and encouragement to stay motivated that happens at the meetings.

So this week, everything was coasting along nicely, and this lady who'd met her goal of losing 74 pounds got up to share her story. At first she spoke about her inspiring journey, and it was very encouraging, but then she looked pointedly at me and said, "it's so good that those of you who only have 10 pounds to lose can get things under control before it becomes 70 pounds."

Now I realize that may not seem bad.

But to me, it was quite discouraging, as I came into Weight Watchers nearly 40 pounds over the MAXIMUM weight they say someone my height should be. Not 10. I have lost 13 pounds in the last 8 weeks, which is all fine and good, but I still have about 25 pounds to go. I'm not, by any means, some skinny-winny. To me, it felt like she had pointed at me and said, "aw, look at this naive little girl who doesn't understand the struggles of those of us who have REAL weight to lose." My cheeks reddened, and I tried to subtly look around me to see if there was anyone else she could be talking to, but no. She meant me, and kept staring at me for what seemed like minutes.

My Response (The "Fruit")
I left the meeting mildly perturbed. As I went to shop for new tennis shoes, her words kept replaying in my mind and I felt more and more furious. I was seething that someone would (in my mind) ridicule me and downplay the seriousness of my hard work and efforts to get back to a healthy weight. "I still have 25 pounds to go! What is she talking about, 10 pounds???", I thought. I called my mom and she encouraged me that that had happened to her, too, the last time she did Weight Watchers... she & I carry weight differently than other people do-- we carry extra weight spread all over our body, rather than (for example) all in the hips-- so it looks different on us. When I hung up with her, I felt mostly validated, yet still frustrated.

Getting To the Root
Before taking this class, I would have felt justified, and let the moment go as that lady's problem or lack of understanding. But now, I'm more apt to dig deeper when I see an attitude like that in my life, and ask, "What is it that's really going on?"

And what's really going on, I think, is that I don't like to feel publicly humiliated. I still vividly remember the girl on the school bus in junior high who loudly told me my chest was, "so flat it's like a bowl; it caves in", even though now, I am quite well endowed and completely content with my lot in that area. My heart still pounds wildly when I remember the girl who threatened to beat me up after school and chased me home in her car.

I don't like feeling called out, particularly in front of other people.

So then, what do I do with that? What do I do with feelings of shame & humiliation based on how I'm treated by other people?

What does God say?
Well, I have to go to Scripture and see what it says about embarrassment, humiliation... not much... but fear of man and shame? Plenty.

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe." ~Proverbs 29:25

"Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You." ~Psalm 25:20

"But the Lord GOD helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame." ~Isaiah 50:7

From this, I can counsel my own heart-- God helps me. What people say is irrelevant because my confidence is in the LORD, not in myself.

Even more convicting,

"hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ~Romans 5:5

So, yes, I should hope in God, and then I can lay hold of God's love in my heart and have a response of love (1 Corinthians 13-style: bearing all things, enduring, being patient, not holding a record of wrongs) toward the woman who I wanted to slug, because I have the Holy Spirit.

And, for an eternal perspective, John wrote to the children of God,

"And now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears we may have confidence and not shrink from Him in shame at His coming." ~1 John 2:28

By abiding in Him, choosing love at times when I would rather abide in my frustration, and by relying on the Holy Spirit within me, I can avoid a more lasting and more significant "shame". Momentary embarrassment in a meeting (which might have not really been noticed by anyone but me) is NOTHING compared to the shame I would feel in the presence of Jesus, at the memory of a continual mental haranguing of another human being when I ought to have relied on the Spirit and opted for love.

The next time I feel publicly humiliated and face a similar "watershed" moment, I hope I will recall these truths and put my reddened cheeks in a more whole, eternal perspective.

A Framework for Understanding Life
Putting the situation, and my behavior & reactions, in the light of the reality of Christ changes the whole notion of what is shameful. I'm so thankful for a new way of looking at these "watershed" moments in my life and hope that by continuing to examine myself in this way, I will gain insight into the ways that I am not abiding in Christ, and be able to more heartily and fully live in Him.

Waterfall images: FreeDigitalPhotos.net Tom Curtis / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Helping Children Cope Well (with pain, doctors, dental visits, etc)

2011-10-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

"Kids are born remarkably resilient in regard to pain. Our response to pain is largely a learned behavior that we adopt as we grow older." ~Moses' doctor, just 3 days ago

Several months ago, I mentioned in a comment that we work to help our kids process and deal well with medical visits and physical pain, and another mom asked me to share about how we do that. Hearing Moses' doctor make the comment I quoted above reminded and prompted me to write about this topic.

There are several things we do to try to proactively teach our kids how to deal with pain and/or medical visits:

(1) We talk about and react to pain realistically, and we teach our kids to do the same. We do not UNDERstate how something will feel/hurt (i.e., we do not say: "your shots won't hurt a bit!"), and we do not OVERstate what has happened (i.e., "oh my GOODness, that must hurt SO bad", overempathizing, etc.). Essentially, we are "matter-of-fact" about pain. If a kid starts screaming over a minor pain, we use a calm voice, and say something like, "It looks like you took a tumble! Let's try not to scream. Yes, there is blood, but it's only a scratch. Let's go get it washed off; mommy will take care of you. I'll get you a band-aid and some neosporin, and you'll be all set to go play more if you want to." There may be times to ask questions to probe deeper into "what's hurting?", or when the injury itself merits a very serious response (we've had our share of those!), but in normal situations from children's play, or in routine doctor's visits, we do not emphasize or stress out about plain old pain.

And even when pain is very legitimately bad, we talk about it honestly and what the solution will be. Silas has had stitches twice-- once when he was 2 and had his pinky finger smashed in a door (and the tip was hanging off), and once when he was 3 and had sliced a cut in his finger with a chef's knife. Both times, this approach of giving real empathy while talking honestly about what would need to happen ("you'll have to get a shot", "you'll have to hold very still while the doctor uses a needle to fix your finger", etc.) enabled him to get the stitches in a very calm and surprisingly strong way. And he is quite possibly our most emotional and dramatic son (our daughter surpasses him but also responds well to this approach).

(2) Set accurate expectations in advance.

If it's a dental visit, especially if it's their first one, or if the child is visibly nervous, I'll have them lay out on the couch and we'll go through the motions of what the visit will be like. "There will be a bright light up above your head, they'll put a paper bib on you, and he'll ask you to open your mouth as big as you can. Can you do that for me? Then he'll take a funny-tasting paste and clean off your teeth and it will sound kind of like a soft hair dryer. It will rattle a little bit and might tickle, but you need to hold as still as you can and keep your mouth open so he can do it and get done more quickly." I'll even impersonate the dentist and show them how he'll sit, etc. This same concept can be done with doctor's visits.
Or, if they'll be getting shots, we tell them & talk about it in advance. (Remember #1-- we don't do hysterics, so if they start to freak out, we help them calm down & then talk about what it will feel like, or share about the last time we parents got shots, and what it felt like.) "Yes, I think you'll need to get 2 shots at this visit. It'll hurt at first, but they'll give you a bandaid, and then it will be over with. It might feel sore for a little while, but it will keep you from getting sick. Would you rather get them in your arms or your thighs?" (Because we live overseas, we all get a lot of shots. All of us. A lot. Kids really can be good troopers about this.)
Or, if we're going to have to wait for a long while, we'll bring a backpack and talk at home before we leave about how we'll probably be in a small room with other people and need to be quiet and have something to do.

If we don't know what a procedure will be like, we ask enough questions or look things up on the internet in advance so that we can help our kids to anticipate what will happen and what they'll need to do.

(3) And of course, we listen to their concerns. None of this that I've written should be taken to mean that we do not listen to genuine fears or worries. We absolutely do! If they're concerned about something, we want to talk it through with them. But at some point, if there's an unavoidable visit, check-up, procedure or shot, after we talk it through, we wrap it up with realistic expectations, and end on a good note. "Yes, we'll get shots, but then we can all come home and snuggle and watch Princess Bride." Or, "I know it's frustrating to you that you have to deal with itchiness and red skin from eczema, and don't know anyone else who does. I'm sorry; I wish you didn't have to mess with all that. But I AM thankful for these creams that help keep it under control." We just try to talk realistically about pain, and then look on the bright side of things.

Our experience has been, and the doctor I quoted above seemed to support this idea, that kids tend to feed off of what their parents have taught them to do in stressful/new situations. A melodramatic mother often breeds children who overstate their pain and are underprepared to deal with normal medical situations that could easily be anticipated & faced realistically, if they were just given the skills of how to do so. Conversely, a calm, in-control mom and dad can teach their kids to deal well with pain or uncomfortable situations. Of course shots will still hurt, or a skinned knee will still bring tears to the eyes, and some children will be more emotive than others, but they will be more measured in their response to pain if they know that they will be heard, and that their needs will be met by a loving and competent mom, or the doctor/dentist she trusts.

I should admit that it is somewhat instinctive for me to go into a kind of "stealth" mode when a medical crisis happens-- I typically become more efficient and calm during a crisis. And I can't take credit for that initial response; maybe it's a personality thing, or maybe it's learned from my own parents. So our initial response to a crisis might differ based on our personality & experiences, but my point here is that I think we can all work to help our kids cope well with regular medical situations that they encounter, despite our (or their) initial internal reaction.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you as you think about teaching your kids about how to deal well with pain. Thoughts/comments? Do you have tips/experiences you'd like to share?

Inoculation image: Sura Nualpradid / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dentist image: koratmember / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

No Good Apart From God

2011-10-10T16:49:00.000-05:00

The counseling class I'm taking has been so good for pressing us toward practical, specific application of Scripture in our lives. This passage from Psalm 16 has been so encouraging to me as I press toward contentment when it would be easier to complain, or feel inferior to others for what they have and I don't--

I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from You."

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.

I have set the LORD always before me;

Therefore, my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16: 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 11)

When I am not choosing joy and contentment, I am valuing other things above God, and above what He has sovereignly put in my life. ***This is incorporating my recent struggles to be content; your situation may be entirely different.*** This is an exact opposite of what is written above, from Psalm 16. :

I proclaim to the world, "God is not my Lord & Master; I value other things, and want them, more than Him."

Possessions and a beautiful house is what I will choose-- I want to pour my own cup; I will clutch and manipulate my life to get maximum comfort, ease, and stylishness with my own hands rather than trust my life in God's hands.

I have set my own desires and my culture's standards of what is desirable always before me.

Therefore, my heart is continually dissatisfied, and my whole being sulks.

I try to chart my own path of life without regard to what God says; outside of His presence I am empty and discontent; away from Him I find sorrow and discouragement.

Pretty convicting, isn't it, to see the exact opposite so clearly laid out? It challenges me to think about which of these I will choose each day.

Image: nuchylee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #27

2011-10-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's time for 7 Quick Takes. Good things come in sevens, or so Jennifer would have us believe. :)

Last weekend, we traveled to visit the family who took Doug in when he was in a difficult situation in high school. His youth pastor offered Doug a place to live (at age 16/17) for several years, and he became a part of their family. It is so good to reconnect with people who have invested their lives in us!
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While there, we also visited with a (relatively) newer friend of mine, Emily. This is a pic of our 2 families at a little pizza joint that surprised us all with pretty tasty pizza. Last time I saw her was just 3 years ago, and she and Phil were engaged. I was pregnant with Silas... so since seeing each other, we've had 4 kids between us. We now have 7 kids in our 2 families. She predicted that next time we get together, we'll have 11. I'm just documenting it here-- she said it, not me... and thus, the impetus is on her, and not me, to fulfill that tall order, right? :)
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This weekend is our 10-year college reunion. It's been a wild and wonderful 10 years (really, for me it's been 10 & 1/2 since I graduated early). More than ever, I am amazed at the adventures that God writes for our lives. 12 years ago, I could not have imagined the life I currently have. He is good and writes different stories than we would write for ourselves, but it is so much better to have His will than our own. As one of my favorite hymns says, "has thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been granted by what He ordaineth?"
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We recently visited a museum that has a special "touch room" just for kids, filled with large climbable statues of fairy tale characters. Somehow, my husband got the rare, much-coveted picture: all five kids looking, smiling, and looking cute. :)
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Our return tickets are dated for January. And now we're in October. Our time here is wrapping up, but I'm actually getting a little excited. Just like what I wrote in #3, I know that God has this great adventure He's writing for us. I want to grow to be a wiser child of God who lives in the awareness that HE knows my needs better than I do. I want to walk in contentment and peace on the road HE sets out for me... even if it wouldn't have been the one I'd written for myself.
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In the meantime, I'll enjoy backyards and bacon and root beer and family and good beef and Tex-Mex and speaking only English and bookstores and coupons and meet-ups with friends and amazing sales and being able to sing harmonies as loud as I want in corporate worship and Chick-Fil-A and not standing out in a crowd and holidays with relatives and continual opportunities for spiritual growth with other believers and, and, and... and I'll fight for contentment when those things are once again (mostly) out of reach.
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I'm still loving Weight Watchers. One thing I really love about it is that it's one thing I won't have to give up when we head back overseas. Their online tool (e-tools) for tracking will still be fully available to me (yee-haw!), and so I can keep going with the program if I haven't reached my goal by the time I leave... and even if I have, I can keep up with the program in order to maintain. I'm pumped about it.

So what's going on in your world?

Saved!

2011-10-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

"Saved!" -- The word conjures up a variety of images: money put back for a rainy day, a drowning person being pulled onto a life raft, a manager catching a significant error that would cost his company thousands of dollars.

To non-believers, the word can be mistaken to solely mean "rescued from Hell". Being rescued, or saved, from Hell is indeed a wonderful thing, but as I read Sinclair Ferguson's thoughts today, I was reminded --that is really not the whole picture of this word "saved".

In his book, The Christian Life, Ferguson writes that the salvation of God affects believers, and saves us, in these ways:

We are being saved from the distortion & disfiguring of sin. Though we are sinners by nature, God's salvation makes us a new creation. Over the course of our lives, God transforms us (sanctification) so that we look more and more like Jesus. This does not mean that we achieve perfection, but that as we spend years abiding in Christ, our Potter shapes us and softens us to reflect the image of God.
We are saved from the dominion of sin. The Bible tells us we were once slaves to sin, but now we are slaves of Christ. We like to use the word "servant", but really, the word "slave" is a more accurate translation. As believers, we are bought with a price, and become Christ's bondservant. And the beautiful irony is this: by becoming slaves, "we may live freely for God." We are purchased from the darkness and enslaved to live in the light!
We are saved from the power of Satan. There is a real and present enemy, and he seeks to devour us like a lion seeks to consume his prey. In Christ, we are freed from Satan's grasp, and while he still seeks to harm us, he cannot claim us as his own, because we belong to Christ alone.
We are saved from the real, and terrifying, wrath of God. In this present age, it is considered a social faux pas to talk about God's wrath, even in church. Many people believe that the fact that "God is love" overrides his other character qualities. But while our Father is loving, He is also just and righteous, and our sin deserves his wrath. When we are hidden in Christ, our sin is also hidden in Christ. His perfect nature transforms our unworthiness; His sacrifice covers us and makes us fit to enter the presence of God. The people of Israel had an ever-present picture of God's holiness as only one priest, after ritual cleanings and sacrifices, could enter God's presence one time each year. The opportunity to be in God's presence, and make requests of Him, was a rare-- and frightening-- proposition because of the reality of God's wrath. Being in God's presence is only possible if God's wrath over sin has been satisfied by a perfect sacrifice-- which was done, once for all, in Christ.

I am so thankful for the way truth and doctrine ultimately lead to hope and confidence in God. Being "saved" is such a beautiful truth-- not just a word, and not just salvation from some eternal destiny, but a current, present gift that affects every day of every believer in Christ!

7 Quick Takes "Friday" - #26

2011-09-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

Even though it's not Friday, I have time now (on Monday) for a "7 Quick Takes" Friday, so here goes.

I've lost 11.4 pounds with Weight Watchers since I started in August- hooray! This is so doable for real life. Yes, I'm having to be intentional about it, but it really hasn't been difficult. I am planning in more veggies, and forgoing extra helpings of bread, starchy veggies, and dessert. But I still eat VERY well, and have had ice cream or some kind of treat at least once a week... I'm loving it.
Our 14-month old Moses is moving and grooving. We call him "the Wanderer" because he always is meandering around, checking things out, inspecting cabinets, and generally just a curious little man on the move. It's so much fun to see his humor and personality developing.
We have about 100 days, give or take, left in America, before we hit the tarmac once again. Remember that quote in Dead Poet's Society about sucking all the marrow from life? Well, we're going to spend these days sucking the marrow... enjoying times with family and friends... loving the big sky of Texas... enjoying the ability to find good quality clothes at bargain prices... eating Tex-Mex & Blue Bell.
I LOVE Pinterest. I need to buy a couch when we move back overseas, and just joined Pinterest last week. It has helped me narrow down what I'll want to look for-- which is totally different than what I thought I wanted. I'm so glad to have a place to brainstorm and clarify what I love. Are you a Pinterest user?

One of the ideas I picked up from Pinterest was using the french knot to embroider the bumps on sheep. Awesome idea. It led me to a little project this week-- embroidering John 10:27. It only took a couple hours, while I talked with Doug and caught up on Project Runway. I'll frame it in a 5x7 frame, and have another verse for our walls. I can't wait to do another.
Do you know about my food blog? It's nothing fancy... just tried-and-true recipes we use and love. I just added a favorite of mine- Chinese Green Beans. I could eat them by the barrel.
Have you been watching the Republican Debates? If you're a long-time reader, you'll remember that I love to talk politics. Here's what I thought of the last one--

Perry really blew it. His answer on foreign policy reminded me of Miss Teen South Carolina's answer about maps... he just bumbled over his words, and tried to throw in as many countries as possible. His attempted attack on Romney was poorly stated and incomprehensible.
Herman Cain is hilarious (and it seems Florida was impressed-- they gave him the win in their recent straw poll, far ahead of Perry or Romney).
Romney came off more likable and at-ease than he ever has, to date. The last debate was a shining moment for him.
Newt came across as authoritative and smart, and I think he's raising some important questions and providing some credibility, even though he won't be the candidate in the end.
Ron Paul got a lot of cheers, and I heard his sentiments (i.e., audit the fed) echoed from the lips of several other candidates. His ideas are catching wind.
Bachman keeps fading more and more; she pounded the "I'm a mom" pulpit. Instead of looking presidential, she looks like she ought to be running the local school board.
Santorum had one good moment- bashing Perry on the college subsidy issue. He had a lot of smirking and head shaking going on. He still hasn't established a clear point of view.
Hunstman keeps trying to talk as if he has a chance, but has not established himself as a major player.
Gary Johnson had a few good moments, but he's new to the gig and still seems like a long-shot.
My main take-away from that debate was that Perry had a REALLY rough night. Even though not many people watch these debates faithfully, a debate performance filled with stumbles and flub-ups snowball and hurt the candidate's perception by the electorate, and future performance. By the end of the night, he looked physically spent and sounded self-protective. I do not think he's going to be the candidate, and I'm glad.

What have you thought of the Republican field thus far? Are you leaning in any particular direction? If you're a Republican, do you feel your candidate has a shot?

As always, I'd love to hear back from you.

Show & Tell: It's Been a Long While

2011-09-21T18:10:00.001-05:00

Well, this is a favorite type of post for me, and for many of you-- when I share noteworthy articles, recipes, ideas, jokes and/or favorite links. Here's a recent picture of our family... and now, let's dive into the links, shall we?

COOKING

Just made my favorite banana bread this afternoon... ripe bananas at the farmer's market this morning were $1.00 for 2 bunches, and then she ended up throwing in 2 more bunches... we had something like 15 or more bananas, all ripe or even starting to brown. This banana bread is absolutely amazing... if you need a new easy go-to recipe, this is a GREAT one.
Last week, I was on a Chinese Green Beans kick, so I wrote out the recipe. They are so addictive.

PARENTING

You don't see articles like this one often enough: 10 Things New Parents Don't Need
Parenting & Technology: Ever wanted to dropkick an electronic distraction straight out of your home? Spunky shared her thoughts on the matter
Justine's story of her abortion, 23 years ago
What happens when, in a family, we don't "feel" love? A mom adopting for the 2nd time wrote a very helpful post for all of us: When Love Isn't There
A friend of mine decided to warn you-- Why Homeschooling is Dangerous
Need to get organized? Here's a compilation of organizing ideas all in one place.
John Piper's "Letter to an Incomplete, Insecure Teenager"-- excellent reading for teens, or for us as parents to remember those awkward years and give grace.

GROWING AS A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST

The ripple effect of one grumpy woman
We talk a lot about daily Bible reading, but hardly ever talk about exhorting one another-- one blogger challenges us to take the Bible seriously-- "The Daily Exhort"
Journaling? Why one woman thinks it's unhelpful.
Ideas for HOW YOU CAN HELP A PARENT who has a child with special needs
Do you need to practice personal Spiritual Disciplines more thoughtfully and intentionally? Have you considered that there are things you can do to strengthen and grow your spiritual life? Here's a list of regularly practiced and recognized spiritual disciplines.
WHY practice spiritual disciplines? (Article: "Taking the 'UGH' Out of Spiritual Disciplines) :)
I think these definitions of spiritual disciplines are particularly helpful for sorting out which practices might be beneficial for you, and why.

FUNNY:

Benefits of Breastfeeding

Happy reading! :)

Restless, Worried, Anxious, Unsettled?

2011-09-19T17:14:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, I got curious and ended up studying and writing down all the various times that Scripture uses the phrase, "that you may know", so that I could see those times when God did something specific to teach us something specific. It was incredibly clarifying-- they all center on this idea: God wants you, me, Israel, Gentiles, the nations, indeed- all the peoples of the world- to know that He alone is God, that there is no other, and that Jesus and the Father are one. That pretty much sums up all 5 pages of my notes about the "that you may know" passages.

ANXIETY

So last night, I started feeling anxious about a house. We've been talking about buying a house now (since real estate prices are so low), to rent out while we're gone, so that we'd have a "homebase" to return to each time we visit family, rather than scrambling to find a furnished house. Yesterday, we found one online that is priced to sell. So many people are (understandably) trying to sell their house at the price it would have sold for 4 years ago, but this house was priced well under-market, and it has a pool in the backyard. AND- it's just a few houses down from my parents' house.

Anyway, I began worrying. I'm not normally an anxious person, or at least I haven't thought that I am. But I was nervous about that house. Worried that someone else would see it and snatch it up first. Restless that our realtor hadn't written us back yesterday after we e-mailed him (lighten up, Jess, it's a SUNDAY). Really feeling unsettled about the entire situation, because I was so eager to see and buy the house.

Once I realized how nervous and anxious I felt, I reflected on all I've been learning in my counseling class-- that what comes out of us is actually just the fruit of what we're believing in our heart. I was believing lies-- that it's all up to me, that I can control a situation into what I want it to be, that things will not work out unless I __________.

At 1am, with no one else awake in the house, I began speaking out loud what I know to be true, replacing the lies with the truth. It sounded something like this:

God, You are good. You have always cared for us. Your provision has never come to an end. You let us find this house where we could live while in Texas. You have led us to good deals for the shampoo bottles (they were right in front of me) we use, You have provided these clothes (my mother in law had dropped her wardrobe "extras" off earlier in the day). We have always had a place to live, and so many times, God, You have surprised us with a wonderful home You had in store for us-- better than we could've imagined! If we are to have that house, it will be ours. I trust You to give us what we need, and to take care of all that concerns us. I don't have to worry or fret; You are in control.

As I turned from disbelief and worry, and turned to faith and trust in Our Soverign LORD, everything changed. My heart felt at rest, and I fell asleep so easily. Simply knowing the truth, or having affirmed it previously in a class or my own personal Bible study, was not enough... I needed to remind myself of it, and reflect on it, and allow it to resonate in my soul, in the moment when my heart was being pulled to trust in something OTHER than God. THEN, my heart followed.

My heart remembered the things God wants us to know-- that He alone is God.

Knowing that God is the "blessed controller of all things" frees us from rattling nerves or a worried heart. Focusing on the reality of His sovereignty allows us to rest when our hearts would otherwise be spinning and anxious.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Holding Onto Truth

2011-09-15T10:28:00.000-05:00

So, you're sitting in ___(Bible Study, Church, small group, your living room with your Bible on your lap)____ and you read or hear something powerful. A particular verse, a comment someone else makes, an experience shared, or a principle taught... it hits you between the eyes and you KNOW it's a truth you needed to take to heart and implement in your life.

WHAT NOW?

This is where I've been parking my brain lately.

Throughout my childhood, my late teen years after God drew me back to Him, and the first decade of my adult life, I have had many times of feeling bowled over by truth. Again and again, God has put truth in my life that I needed to hear and implement.

But I don't know if it's human nature, or my former tendency to cram for a test and then forget the facts/information I studied once I've taken the test, but whatever the case, I've realized something: I don't hold onto truth well.

Below I've listed some ways I've found to hold onto truth and implement it in my life. I would LOVE to hear ways that you've found to KEEP and IMPLEMENT the truth that God reveals in your life.

Printing out verses/passages/ideas and placing them in obvious places in my home
Talking about it with Doug
Having accountability from women friends
Trying to hold onto it in my mind as I read through Scripture, taking special note of applicable verses and passages I run across
All of these things done with prayer and journaling

Of all of these, the first is most helpful for me, which may be a personality thing-- keeping WORDS visually in front of me is extremely beneficial. At times when we are in-between apartments though (which has been often lately), it's difficult. Right now, for example, I don't have a printer, and haven't since March; plus, I don't want to mess up walls in a temporary residence. Just writing this out has helped me realize that this may be a big reason why I feel mentally "fuzzy" lately. I'm missing those normal opportunities that I rely on to hold onto truth.

At the same time, people have gone thousands of years reaching out to God, and clinging to His truth without a printer and scotch tape! :)

Please share ideas of how you have been able to HOLD onto truth God reveals to you. How do you mentally imprint truth in your heart and life? Let's help one another to live biblically.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Living In the Light

2011-09-05T21:39:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been thinking about living in the light. It's such a useful word picture for our lives as Christians, isn't it?

* Don't have any "dark corners" in your life-- live fully in the light!

* Speak the truth and don't gossip or backstab-- let your words always be so that if they "came to light", you would not need to be ashamed!

* Walk consistently in the light of God!

This idea of living in the light fit perfectly with something Dr. David Powlison shared in a lecture I listened to recently, about speeding-- that you should choose your car's speed by the speed you can drive at without needing to nervously watch for cops. It makes sense, doesn't it? Whatever speed you know is acceptable, go that speed, rather than pushing the limits to go 9 or 11 miles over the speed limit, constantly watching for cops and worried about getting a ticket.

It's simply living in the light. No matter who sees or knows, you're just fine, because you've done everything in the light.

So, today, I did a little bible study on this idea of living in the light. Read through these Scriptures and be encouraged as a child of the Light!

In the beginning was the Word... In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:1, 4-5
Nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. ~Luke 8:17~
Everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God. ~John 3:20-21~
Jesus said to them, "The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light." ~John 12:35-36~
Be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part in dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light. ~Luke 11:35-36~
(Jesus speaking) "I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness." ~John 12:46~
Nothing is covered up that will not revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops. ~Luke 12:2-3~
The Lord has commanded us, saying, "I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth." ~Acts 13:47~
Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven. ~Matthew 5:16~
The Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness, and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God." ~1 Corinthians 4:5~
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? ~2 Corinthians 6:14~
At one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. ~Ephesians 5:8-14~
Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. ~Philippians 2:14-15~
You all are children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. ~1 Thessalonians 5:5-6~
You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim that excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. ~1 Peter 2:9~

This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness of all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. ~1 John 1:5-7~
Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. ~1 John 2:9-10~

I don't think I've ever put together just how many references there are that clearly place the "setting" of our lives, as believers, in the light. The Bible gives such a clear picture of a major indicator of our faith-- if we live in the light and do not walk in darkness, that freedom and transparency in our lives gives credence to the creed we profess with our mouths.

I love the way Scripture continues to pour forth wisdom, and that there continue to be depths of insight and understanding, no matter how long I read God's words.

God has been challenging me to live in the light in several ways lately-- in the words that I use in conversations with other women, and towards my children; in the speed that I drive; and in the way I eat. Are there ways He is speaking to you about living in the light? I'd love to hear about it.

Images:
Keattikorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
cbenjasuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
hinnamsaisuy / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"20 Ways to Prevent Cancer" MEME

2011-09-01T23:25:00.000-05:00

Came across this article about cancer prevention today, and thought it might be fun to turn it into a "meme". I've listed each tip and responded with GOOD/NEUTRAL/BAD about how I'm doing on that point, and a brief description of what I do. At the end, there are 2 questions to sum up the meme.

Feel free to participate, for your own little health check-up:

Filter your tap water- GOOD "normally", BAD here. We used bottled water when we live overseas, but while visiting here in the US, we're tap water folks.
Stop topping off your gas tank- GOOD. I rarely fill up the car with gas, and when I do, we just go to the top and that's the end of it.
Marinate meat before grilling- GOOD. I almost always marinate before any kind of cooking.
Caffeinate every day- BAD. This one was surprising. I rarely drink caffeine in any form.
Drink more than 8 cups of water daily- GOOD. Nine years of pregnancy and nursing have drilled that habit into me. I am a water guzzler.
Load up on really green greens- BAD. I ate broccoli tonight, but before tonight, it'd been weeks since I'd had really dark greens.
Snack on brazil nuts- BAD. Never tried em.
Exercise regularly to avoid breast cancer- BAD, but GETTING BETTER. I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm exercising more lately than I have in years.
Skip the dry cleaner- GOOD. It's been more than 9 years since I've taken anything to the cleaners. We're wash-and-wear people.
Ask your doc about breast density- NEUTRAL. I'm not to the age for mammograms yet, but I have not asked about and do not know about breast density.
Limit cell phone usage near the head- GOOD. Although this tip is inconclusive, it really doesn't matter because I don't use cell phones often anyhow. I'm home so much, that anywhere we live, we just keep one cell phone and one house phone. I probably talk on a cell phone less than once a day.
Block skin cancer with colors & hats- NEUTRAL. I do wear a lot of colors, and I'm pretty good about wearing sunscreen or hats when I go out in the sun. But I don't choose colors based on which ones block the sun at greater proportions.
Pic a doc with a past for accurate interpretation of mammogram results- NEUTRAL. Again, I'm not yet to the age for mammograms.
Eat clean foods- GOOD. We're better at this when overseas, as the produce and meats in Turkey are still produced (mostly) ethically and locally.
Read food labels for folic acid- BAD. I don't check for that, and wasn't aware that synthetic folic acid can be harmful to the colon.
Up your calcium intake- GOOD. I drink a fair amount of milk normally, and cheese makes up a ridiculously large amount of my diet while here in the US. :)
Commit to whole grains- BAD. I need to change this. I enjoy whole grains when I think of it, but I don't always reach for it, and don't have a "commitment" to it. I'd like for that to change.
Pay attention to pain- NEUTRAL. This is one I need to remember. When I experience pain, I tend to downplay it and push through.
Avoid unnecessary scans- GOOD. I haven't had any CT, MRI type scans. I had x-rays when I was a teenager, for dental work, but don't recall any in the last 15 years.
Drop 10 pounds.- GOOD. I have already dropped 3, and am committed to my plan with Weight Watchers.

SO, HOW AM I DOING OVERALL? Good: 10, Neutral: 4, Bad: 6

WHAT ONE CHANGE DO I INTEND TO FOCUS ON & IMPLEMENT? Committing to whole grains.

This was a productive meme for me, and I feel even more resolved to work to make healthy choices after completing it.

Feel free to participate! Here's a linky where you can leave a link to your blog:

Battling Distractedness

2011-08-30T17:07:00.006-05:00

We live in a time where it is easy to be distracted. Technology beckons, with another gadget to purchase, another blog to read, another show to follow... the problem in all of this (for me) comes in that my real life requires my attention. Increasingly so.

Precious children, with bright eyes, come with stories that they want heard,

pictures carefully colored (and sometimes not-so-carefully colored) that they want admired,

questions that need answers,

requests for a book to be read,

hurt fingers needing a kiss and sometimes some neosporin & a bandaid;

they have needs for snuggles on the couch,

math lessons that require an explanation,

and wrestling on the floor.

And I have a wonderful husband who I want to spend time with, cook well for, and be able to exchange ideas with.

The temptation becomes to only enter into these significant things halfway because of time spent online, or checking e-mail, or mentally mulling what I've just read on a blog or online news agency. Even right now, I'm watching "North and South" (Elizabeth Gaskell's; bliss!), with the kids, while typing out these thoughts.

About 10 days ago, my husband bought me a Kindle, and I love it! One of the things I love about it is (as a piece of technology) that when I sit down to use it, I don't get distracted by additional features (a.k.a windows/apps). I can't check e-mail on it; I can't get distracted by blogs on my rss feedreader; Facebook can't draw me in. When I intend to read, I don't get unintentionally, thoughtlessly drawn into other things.

Today I've been wondering, what would happen if I only concentrated on one thing at a time. What would change about my life if I only focused on one thing at a time, rather than falling into the habit of regularly spinning 17 mental "plates"?

Thoughts? Comments? Experience? Tips you want to share? I welcome your input on this topic that affects so many.

Soul Care #2: Nurturing the Inner Person

2011-08-25T00:53:00.004-05:00

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want... He restores my soul." ~Psalm 23:1

In the last post about soul care, I shared about what led Mr. Smith (the author of Embracing Soul Care) to the point of realizing his own need to nurture his soul.

Now I admit, this can sound a little unorthodox or even new agey. If you think of this in terms of "taking time for ME", this idea of "soul care" will seem incorrect or unbiblical; but if you understand that nurturing your soul actually means renewing your strength in the LORD, it all comes into proper perspective. In reality (when you take the long view of Christian history), this method of practicing spiritual disciplines, making time to be quiet before the Lord, and focusing on the simple things in life is quite orthodox.

And it's biblical:

"We urge you, brothers, ...to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs." ~1 Thessalonians 4:10-11
"Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." ~1 Peter 3:4
"Take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life." ~Deut. 4:9
"O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge." ~Psalm 57:1
"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised to high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul." ~Psalm 131: 1-2
"For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.' " ~Isaiah 30:15
"The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." ~Lamentations 3:25-26

One idea that has been transformative for me lately has been to realize that "I" am not a brunette who is about 5'7", still carrying leftover baby weight, with size 8 feet, who wears glasses. "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." While it is possible for me to have a twin who is completely identical on the outside, my soul is the unique inner part that can be turned Godward or selfward... it's the part that the bulk of Scripture is concerned with.

The person who gripes when dirty clothes don't get picked up... the person who loves to learn new things and take on new projects... the person who yells when frustrated... the person who goes deep and wants to understand and know my friends... the person who loves to snuggle and giggle with my kiddos... the person who has a tendency to be cynical and causticly sarcastic... the person who really does, in her inmost parts, want to be like Jesus... that is me.

My soul is the part of me that can RUN TO or run away from God.

I am not "the things I do", but the things I do contribute more to me than the things I wear. "I" am the gal on the inside... it's what makes me me.

It's not that it's bad to take time to look nice. But we can all too easily confuse these external things -- the clothes or makeup we wear, the car we drive, the kind of house we select, the way we decorate it-- with who we really are. While it is possible to have these things reflect who we are, our soul IS who we really are. And it's the part of us that is eternal.

We spend so much time and money on external, temporary things, and yet we often neglect the one thing that will be ours for eternity-- our souls. God wants to sanctify our souls, and we partner with Him through prayer and obedience in order to submit to that process of sanctification.

Is this challenging for you too? Maybe it's just me... that could totally be the case. :) But maybe this shifts some things in your head like it did for me... does it change anything for you to remember & focus in on the eternal and significant nature of your soul?

Any thoughts you'd like to share?

Bible image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Woman image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Weight, Women & the Human Soul

2011-08-21T21:20:00.004-05:00

Now that Moses is weaned, I'm thinking more carefully about getting my body to a healthy weight and shape again. I noticed more with him than I ever had before (with my other 4 babies) that any "trying" to lose weight significantly affected my milk supply. Thus, I put off any real efforts to lose weight (aside from just making good choices, like following the No S "diet") until I weaned my little man. Well, that happened last week.

So last Monday, my mom and I joined Weight Watchers and will work together and hold each other accountable. She's lost 54 pounds with WW before (a subsequent injury and the business of life caught up with her and she's gained it back), and I'm excited about it because it's just thinking carefully while eating real food and living real life. I don't have to buy special food; I don't have to change the kinds of meals I eat (i.e., suddenly supplement 2 meals a day with a shake or something). Choosing meals thoughtfully, with goals in mind, will likely lead to short-term weight loss and long-term weight maintenance while helping me to be more healthy and intentional in the process.

It's been interesting to me to live out this last year of not doing ANYTHING to lose weight, feeling not always thrilled with pictures of myself, having been asked multiple times if I'm pregnant (my baby weight just basically hung on for dear life), and knowing that I'm heavier than I've ever been not-pregnant. America is a very interesting place-- with a mixture of everything from quite obese people to those who are unhealthy in their relationship with food by not eating enough. And the pressures on young women to be sexy, toned, busty, thin, and ___insert description here___, all while going through the demanding season of raising young children are all around us-- magazines, comments from old ladies in the church, television, and internet ads, and they can overwhelm any sense of reason or balance on this issue of weight.

I guess I just want to encourage others out there who are in a difficult place with your weight. Do what you can do be healthy, but do not let the American cultural focus on size 6, 36-26-36, perfect bikini body, yada-yada-yada get you down. Be healthy; take care of your body-- it's the temple of God. But do not raise up this goal and let it become idolatry.

If you are pregnant, or nursing a baby, or taking care of little ones, your time is limited and your body has been affected by these things. And that is OK. Balance and PERSPECTIVE are needful at times like that. There are seasons in a woman's life, and some seasons afford more time and energy than others. And the great news is: even at times when you don't have time to care for your body, you always have time to pray and care for your soul and grow in godliness.

"While bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds the promise for the present life and also for the life to come." ~1 Timothy 4:8

The Bible says that bodily exercise profits a little. Just last week, I went to a funeral, and was reminded once again- this body is only a part of me. My SOUL is the unique inner part that will not die. I don't need to ignore my physical health, but most of my focus and energy should be tasked toward making my soul healthy and beautiful, not focused on making my body healthy and beautiful.

"The LORD sees not as man sees:

man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."

Do not let a number on a scale or a measurement on a measuring tape obscure the larger aims God has set for your life: Love God. Love others. Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. Bodily exercises profits a little, but strive most to grow in godliness.

Muffin image: Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Scale image: sundayhill / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #25

2011-08-19T19:33:00.004-05:00

Jumping right in...

What a week. This week began, first thing Sunday morning, with the news that a friend's baby had passed away. It was anticipated, as he'd been diagnosed with a rare disease several months ago, but still shocking. I've never seen a casket so small, or a face so very sad. There are no words to speak at times like that, which is a good thing because most of the time, the person grieving doesn't want to hear our words anyhow. "I'm sorry" is all I could find to say; I knew that to say much more would just increase the likelihood of inserting my foot into my mouth.

I'm reminded of Molly Piper, who has blogged quite a bit about grief, out of her own sorrows. If you have a friend hurting after a miscarriage or the death of a child, her writings may give you some food for thought.
It doesn't take much to delight our kiddos. Sometimes all we have to do is break out of our "norm". Last week, I found huge pads of construction paper for $1.00 each, and last night, I bought some glue sticks on the cheap in a back-to-school sale. We sat today at the table for nearly an hour, cutting and gluing, drawing and cutting, laughing and imagining, and it was so easy. I'm not a "crafty" type mom... we don't have googly eyes and markers and fuzzy little pom poms in neat little drawers in some craft closet. But just doing that one thing out of our normal m.o. was pretty thrilling for the kids, and gave us a fun, stress-free afternoon. I'm left wondering why I don't do things like that more often.
Just got a Kindle! Yeah!!! Can't wait to use it.
I asked Doug to change the passwords to my Facebook and online forums for the present time, so that I will not be able to access them. I've been spending too much time like an idle woman, running from place to place, watching or weighing in on other people's lives, and not engaged fully in my own. So I think until October, I'll limit myself to e-mail and a little bit of blogging.
My mom and I joined Weight Watchers on Monday, and will be doing it together. I'm enjoying the plan... basically just planning what I put in my mouth a little more carefully, and keeping track of it all. I'm glad to be doing this with my mom.
I'm planning a shower for my sister-in-law (it'll be their first baby, and my first niece!), and this week, I made centerpieces for the baby shower. I'm kind of excited about them- I used a variety of glass vases like they send with flower arrangements, and then filled them up with fun-colored baby bath toys, pacifiers, onesies, bath products, teethers, etc. A cheerful ribbon tied around each pulls them together. They turned out so cute!
Today, I read an extremely helpful article for discerning the hidden motivations of our own hearts, and any idols we've erected that we lean on or look to or desire in place of God. It's called, "X-Ray Questions", and it was one of the assigned readings for my class.

It's about a 10-page article, so you should be prepared to take some time with it, but I'd highly recommend it; I found it heart-probing and helpful. These 35 questions are written in such a way that you can use them to discover what the motivations are in your life, or in a particular situation in your life. It would be a great thing to go through prayerfully with your Bible open, as he suggests certain passages for each question. I hope it will challenge others as it has me.

Have a great weekend!

Soul Care #1: Meeting Our Needs, Nurturing Our Souls

2011-08-17T00:51:00.002-05:00

I'm reading a book called "Embracing Soul Care" and finding it to be extremely valuable as I sort through what led to a season of discouragement and exhaustion I hit last winter. I'd like to share some helpful points from it, in hopes that it might encourage or help someone else. First, a quote from the author and former pastor, Stephen W. Smith:

"I had preached that the soul needs to be saved, but I didn't know what to do with it after that. I'd hated books about soul care. They meant slowing down and measuring myself by something other than church-growth figures and my salary. Those books asked me to look inside, to pay attention to my soul, and to find my identity in God...

"Rather than care for my soul, I long tried to fill myself through effort and socially acceptable achievements. ... through some difficult experiences I learned that my soul is not an "it." My soul is me--the real me. Your soul is the real you...

"Like a hamster, I got on a wheel and ran and ran. [After I snapped], wreckage flew everywhere as my soul collapsed in upon itself...

"I realized then that unless I actually 'did' what matters most, I would keep on imploding, ruining my life and the lives of those I loved. This journey of exploring what matters most in life is the journey of soul care. I'm still on this journey. I have not arrived."

When I began reading this book, it was a wake-up call for me. I have not yet reached a point of soul implosion, but I don't want to. Too many people are depending on me. I want to be sure to thoughtfully nurture my own heart while walking this road of intentional, heartfelt motherhood.

And maybe that's the case for you, too. We've all seen the cases on the news of mothers who let everything implode... and while there are often many factors, it seems that the implosion often happens because the mother just tried to keep going, despite being mightily unhealthy. These women try to keep putting one foot in front of the other while being unhealthy spiritually, mentally, and/or emotionally... and it spills over into harmful behavior or choices.

We could take this too far, of course, and make "me time" and self-examination an unhealthy focus in our lives. But I think we should try to find a place of balance: not navel-gazing egotism, but also not running ourselves ragged meeting everyone's needs but our own.

I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:

"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb

Soul care requires our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman" and not taking care of your own needs? Have these quotes highlighted any areas of "drought" in your life? Is this an area that needs your focus, so that you don't end up (like the author wrote) "imploding", ruining your life and the life of everyone you love?

I write this not as some sort of scare tactic, but as a real concern for real moms out there who want to take on the world but forget to care for their own souls. I hope we can learn to walk in balance, both trusting God to meet our needs, but also doing what we can with what we have to stay healthy and nurtured as well.

Thoughts? I welcome your discussion.

Tree image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tree in hand: markuso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Seeking Wise Counsel

2011-08-14T22:33:00.003-05:00

There are some things Doug and I aren't great at, or have flubbed over the years. We're lousy at keeping our master bedroom clean, and we have made some short-sighted financial decisions that cost us more than a pretty penny.

But one thing we've (in my opinion) done well over the last 11 years of marriage is that we regularly seek wise counsel.

Of course we read Scripture, and seek to line up our lives with what we find there, and we don't just fly off and talk to large swathes of people before talking things through together just the two of us.

But we have found it extremely valuable to proactively pursue the advice and counsel of godly people God has put in our lives.

SEEK!

We actively ask for the input of people we respect and love, that are farther down life's roads than we are. If we're talking about parenting issues, we listen to people whose parenting we've watched and admired. If we're talking about life decisions, we talk to people who are wise and who live thoughtfully and intentionally. Sometimes we'll read an article, listen to a sermon online, or talk to similar-aged peers about it, but honestly, that's not often. We've just gained so much by seeking out the godly counsel of wise believers, that it's become a regularly-walked path in our lives.

For example, when I received a perplexing and very important letter from a friend a couple years ago, and didn't know how to respond, I talked it over with Doug, we gave it some thought, and then I called Angie, my dear friend and wise mentor. She offered some really great insights and helped me to walk through the issue in a way that led to the continuance of a peaceful relationship with that friend. When Doug & I have weighed job decisions, we make time to talk with friends around the world who have shown themselves to have godly priorities, who consistently make wise choices with their lives. Their advice has been so relevant and so helpful; we always walk away with something to consider or discuss.

We don't just have these conversations if we happen to be around them... we intentionally choose to ask for input, and deliberately seek it out from friends we respect.

WISE

One thing to consider is where you're getting your advice... sometimes a group of young moms can end up talking circles around something, whereas a mom with a couple decades of experience can put that same issue in perspective quite easily. Sometimes we miss big Truths because we're getting input and advice from people who are just as clueless as we ourselves are. So, I'd encourage you, in your decisions, to seek out people who have proven themselves wise... not over weeks or months, but over years and decades. Don't just seek a stamp of approval for what you are wanting to do... talk with godly friends before decisions are made, and go into these conversations with an open mind!

Ask-- what is the likely "fruit" of following the advice of the person(s) I'm listening to? Remember that old saying, "consider the source"... a bunch of moms on an internet message board may or may not have good advice, but if you carefully watch two or three moms in real life, and you see their children in living color, you can much more easily discern the value of the advice they're dishing out, for good or for ill.

Be discerning as to where your advice/decision-making process is coming from. Are you simply "following your gut"? Are your priorities coming from Scripture? Is your advice coming out of culture? Is it coming from wise, godly counselors? Think carefully about what is influencing the decisions you make.

COUNSEL

Reaching out to, and implementing the advice of, wise counselors has been a significant part of our married life... some of our very best friends are people who have proven themselves to be wise advisors. Sometimes life gets messy, or you're so deep in the midst of a problem that you can't see your way out. It is such a gift to have trusted people to whom you can turn when things get murky, and that's a benefit of the Body of Christ. We can turn to people within the Body and learn from one another!

AND AFTER YOU SEEK WISE COUNSEL...

Pray, talk things over with your spouse, parents, or trusted friends, and see what God would have you do. At the end of the day, counsel is just counsel. No one else can make a decision for you or live your life for you... so, once you've sought out wise counselors, and they've offered you insight, prayers, and advice, you still have to walk forward, ultimately, with prayer and in faith.

I don't want to overstate the importance of godly friends and counselors, and yet, I think it's extremely beneficial and biblical to have a number of wise, experienced, advice-givers in life.

The Bible has a lot to say about counsel. I'll close by sharing some verses:

"The fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." ~Proverbs 12:15
"Who is this who darkens counsel without knowledge?" ~Job 38:2~ (This if from God, talking to Job. It is a serious thing when counsel is offered without knowledge to back it up... and yet, it happens all the time-- we must be discerning to the advice we heed!)
"Jonathan, David's uncle, was a counselor, being a man of understanding..."~1 Chronicles 27
"Listen to advice, and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." ~Proverbs 19:20
"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked..." ~Psalm 1:1
"I bless the LORD Who gives me counsel..." ~Psalm 16:7
"In an abundance of counselors there is safety." ~Proverbs 11:14
"The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel." ~Proverbs 27:9
"His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor..." ~Isaiah 9:6

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #24

2011-08-12T14:15:00.005-05:00

Hope you had a good week; we sure did-

We just got tons of shots and bloodwork done over the last few days. My left arm really hurts, but wow, the kids did great. The nurses went wild over their self-control and interest in watching all the medical stuff, even in the midst of their own pain... I think there is great value in teaching our kids to be realistic about pain (that it will hurt, but that we can get over it after the initial pain) and self-controlled in their reaction to it. We all benefit from a realistic perspective and a healthy dose of self-control, and docs and nurses greatly appreciate it from children!
We have officially moved into the phase with Moses where I feel like I'm constantly walking around following his every move. It seems like this doesn't normally start so early, but maybe I'm forgetting. These times really pass so quickly, and I'm thankful to know that, because otherwise, I might lose my mind or give in and not bother. :) But it's so worth it to help them learn the "norms" of a home. No, we don't pull random papers off of tables or countertops... we leave remote controls alone... we don't eat plants... we don't shove marbles in our mouths. :) These things take time, but it's so worth it.

Just to prove I don't always do this well, take a look at this picture to the right... Moses got up on a dining room chair and went nuts with a piece of jelly toast. :) He's a smart little sneaker.
Ethan made some corn muffins this week to go with dinner one night, and was so proud of himself. And I was proud of him too. This growing up stuff isn't always easy, and sometimes we get emotional about it as moms, but it's so awesome to see them take on projects and succeed!
I'm LOVING the counseling class I'm taking... already, I can see how it is going to be helpful for me as a person, to sort through the issues of life more biblically and intentionally. It is so helpful to be challenged and encouraged in ways that contribute to spiritual growth as well as effectiveness within the Body of Christ.
Having already asked on Facebook and on an internet message board, I might as well ask here-- any thoughts on a Kindle vs. just saving up for an iPad and using the Kindle app? And don't suggest the Nook- I know it's cheaper, but it's not good technology for overseas use, and I've heard that dozens of times over from ex-pat friends, so if I go with an e-reader, it's going to be one of these options. I welcome your thoughts and suggestions.
I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb
I think as Christian moms, trying to take care of so many different people, soul care is worthy of our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman", not taking care of your own needs? There will come a time of burn-out unless we walk hand-in-hand with the Father, letting Him meet our needs as we reach out to love the people around us.

Let me encourage you to make time to take care of the part of you that is eternal-- your soul. Nurture it through reading your Bible, spending time talking through your issues before the Father and with people within the Body of Christ too. Take time to learn and grow as a person made in the image of God. Don't just mindlessly walk through routines or assume a "role". Let God do His work in you; submit yourself to His beautiful sanctification!
Here's a great point I read recently, about the way we talk about the Old Testament law--
"We forget that the 'law of Moses' includes teachings like this: 'The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness and faithfulness, Who keeps lovingkindness for thousands of generations..."
God is so good to us, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Sometimes we hear nonsense about the "God of the Old Testament" being different... but God is God. His holiness and judgment stand as they always have (which is why we are so thankful to and obedient toward Christ), and His love never ends.

You can check out more "7 Quick Takes" @ Jennifer's Conversion Diary. Have a great weekend.

Thoughts Upon Weaning

2011-08-09T07:51:00.000-05:00

At some point this week, I will nurse my precious, funny Moses-man for the last time.

Doug & I have a trip planned for just the 2 of us (first time in about 8 years), and so I've been slowly winding down our nursing relationship.

It's so bittersweet when these moments of dependence and togetherness come to a close. It's so precious to see their little baby-neediness, at a time when they are also asserting their independence through walking, eating more independently, and such.

God has designed this special way for mothers and babies to be connected with each other and need one another. Breastfeeding is not always possible, but it is such a wonderful design from our loving Father, to bond mothers to babies and babies to mothers. I'm so thankful for this last year of spending time knowing, learning the ways of, and loving my little Moses Henry.

If you are a pregnant mom thinking about breastfeeding, I want to encourage you that while those early nursing sessions can seem long, and while there often are painful moments to persevere through, the first year is so short. It's such a small thing we can give to our babies, and yet God has designed us as moms with this gift to give. God's unique design is still far better than anything men have created to try to replace it. Consider nursing, and consider committing to nurse at least to the one-year mark.

The World Health Organization has this to say about breastfeeding:

WHO can now say with full confidence that breastfeeding reduces child mortality and has health benefits that extend into adulthood. On a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life is the recommended way of feeding infants, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond.

Breastmilk is the natural first food for babies, it provides all the energy and nutrients that the infant needs for the first months of life, and it continues to provide up to half or more of a child’s nutritional needs during the second half of the first year, and up to one-third during the second year of life.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:

How long should I breastfeed my baby?
The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby.

I truly am thankful I've been able to nurse each of our 5 children to at least a year old... with my oldest son, he nursed just past 12 months, our second son nursed to 13 & 1/2 months, our daughter was weaned at 14 months, and Silas nursed until he was 18 months old.

Moses just celebrated his 1st birthday, is now walking in his little stumbly, disjointed way, and soon will be completely weaned... it's a wonderful time of growth and a sobering point of independence in his young life.

I want to publicly express my joy, and a bit of bittersweet sadness, that this time is now coming to a close.

Sometimes you hear the stories of early pain, infections, or difficulties with breastfeeding, but we don't often hear the stories of just how precious this relationship is... dependence, connectedness, and shared moments of silence and met needs. It is so sweet to have him contentedly curl up next to me and be satisfied at a time when he is also very physically mobile. To know that he still counts this time with me as a worthwhile time to slow down, snuggle, and have his needs met is meaningful to me. Each time I've weaned a baby, I've felt this bittersweet sense of awareness that they are indeed growing up, and I am very grateful to have this milestone to celebrate.

Be encouraged, pregnant or nursing mom, that it is worth it to press on if you can, to meet your baby's needs in this way. It is worth it!

Irritability

2011-08-07T23:34:00.003-05:00

Ouch! It stung when I read it, and it still stings:

"Even the 'little' sins, like complaining or irritability, expunge the LORD from events in His universe." ~David Powlison, "Suffering & Psalm 119"

Expunge meaning, of course:

"to strike or blot out, erase, obliterate"

Ouch again!

So I wanted to explore this idea-- that by being irritable, I am removing, erasing, and obliterating God from the the events in my life. Because lately, I've been irritable. Not to everyone around me, but with certain individuals. And in each instance, I have my "reasons" for why I'm on edge around that person, so while I knew it wasn't necessarily 100% *right* for me to be on edge, I've justified it in my own mind.

A few days ago, I came across the phrase "habitual prickliness" as a description of how we get in a rut of irritable interactions with certain people. What a convicting and apt description... I am absolutely guilt of operating under a state of "habitual prickliness."

I did a search for "irritable" in Scripture, and found just one mention of the word itself-- in the "Love chapter"-- 1 Corinthians 13. It says, "Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful." So when I'm being irritable, and particularly when I'm being irritable towards certain people, I'm not loving those people.

This website offers a list of applicable Bible verses for many topics (what a great idea!). Here are some passages I found helpful from their list on the topic, "Irritable":

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (1 Corinthians 13: 1-13)
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (Proverbs 29:11)
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, (Colossians 3:12)
Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4)
You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. (Leviticus 19:18)

So, to look at the negative implications of these verses for contrast, when I am being irritable, I am:

not loving
a fool
not living by the Spirit
not "putting on" Godly character qualities
not walking worthy of God's calling on my life
disobeying the LORD

OUCH again. These things affirm what Powlison wrote... that by being irritable, I am removing God from my life. When irritable, I am not loving (He is love). When irritable, I am a fool (He is all wise). When irritable, I am not living by God's Spirit. When irritable, I am not putting on God's character qualities. When irritable, I am not walking in step with God's call on my life. When irritable, I am disobeying the LORD (master) of my life.

What Powlison said is true, and I want to remember it:

"Even the 'little' sins, like complaining or irritability, expunge the LORD from events in His universe." ~David Powlison, "Suffering & Psalm 119"

Help me, LORD, not to be irritable, not to make excuses, and not to justify my sin. Help me to love other people, even and especially the people with whom I am most likely to feel/be irritated. If anyone reading this with me is also struggling with this, help him or her as well to not give in to being irritable. Help us to honor you instead of giving full vent to our irritated attitudes.

Thank you for giving us strength to choose wisdom. Help us to quietly hold back ugly responses. Remind us to "put on" patience and gentleness each day. Teach us to not hold grudges. Instead, help us to remember that you are the LORD, and that You alone judge rightly, and that Your example to us is as one who lavishly forgives and loves.

Thank you for being the only God Who enters into our lives and walks with us. Thank you for not giving up on us & our irritable, sinful attitudes. You are indeed gracious and loving, and we long to be more like You. Amen.

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #23

2011-08-05T10:10:00.010-05:00

I love this weekly time to get random thoughts and pictures. I think today will be primarily quote and links I like--

Moms of kids ages 3-8, do you know about Starfall.com? I used this website with Ethan, back when he was learning letters, etc., and then it fell by the wayside. Someone recommended it again recently, and so I opened it back up and both my 7 year old and 5 year old are enjoying it immensely! For everything from early letter sounds to nearly-ready-for-chapter-books, it's a great tool for motivating your young learners, reinforcing phonics skills, and advancing in reading ability.
Interesting thoughts from Sheila @ To Love, Honor & Vacuum: "Sometimes when we think about all this "modesty" stuff, I think we do it without male input. We say we're trying to protect men by not being tempting, but I wonder how many of the wives have ever asked their husbands honestly if they like the "sack" look, or if they would prefer that their wives be a little more attractive? I think many women get caught up in this "modesty" movement online, and in their little cliques, and they barge right ahead without asking the guys."

There's a good discussion in the comments, too. Read more of Sheila's article: "Modesty Should Not Mean Dowdy".
"If the US Government was a family, they would be making $58,000 a year, they spend $75,000 a year, & have $327,000 in credit card debt. They are currently proposing BIG spending cuts to reduce their spending to $72,000 a year. These are the actual proportions of the federal budget & debt, reduced to a level that we can understand." ~Dave Ramsey (Yikes!)
Check out this list: 25 Ways to Provoke Our Children to Anger-- the most convicting for me was "Scolding". I have a tendency to get frustrated and want to lecture. I need to keep that in check. Sometimes a discussion is in order, but sometimes I just need to quickly correct, then forgive and move on.
In evangelical circles, we don't use or hear the concept/term "spiritual director", but Jennifer's post about 6 basic questions her spiritual director often asks is very helpful. The more I'm reading and learning about personal "soul care", the more I believe that questions like these are critical for self-evaluation and truly meeting our own needs so that we're able to serve others gladly.
On that same note, Catherine had a pithy post highlighting the idea we get from our culture that encourages us to believe that we are only "being ourselves" when we are doing things that are fun or relaxing. Sometimes "being yourself" means doing the really hard things, making the truly difficult sacrifice, or flat out not having fun. Really, it's short-- you should read it.
I just started a counseling class this week, and am enjoying the way it's complementing the things I've been learning and reading lately. I'm excited to consider how God might be asking me to change and grow in this next season of life.

Check out more "7 Quick Takes" here.

Impacting Eternity

2011-08-03T02:25:00.000-05:00

I just found this unpublished post, dated 6/30/2010, less than 2 weeks before our 5th child was born. I don't recall why I didn't post it at the time, maybe because I wasn't posting as often back then, but I'll share it now. Since he just turned a year old, I'll share photos of our little Moses Henry enjoying his birthday cupcake. :)

*****************************************

(Written 6/30/2010)

...I've just been pondering these thoughts these last weeks, as I wait for little Moses to arrive... I don't know if they'll come out disorganized, but I just wanted to share.

It's hit me more with this baby than with any other just how amazing it is to wait for labor to kick in. Not just the finding out of the gender, if you wait to find out, or the learning of the size/weight/length data. Not just the first sight of that precious face, or those sweet early moments when "HE/SHE is HERE!!!", or the first feedings or special moments with siblings. Not just the early months of figuring out this new little person, or the parenting of him/her throughout their formative years.

But the fact that THIS IS AN ETERNAL SOUL!

I'm about to meet someone who will impact my life, and the lives of the people closest to me, for the rest of our lives-- AND BEYOND! For all of eternity, the things we do together, learn together, live together, and believe together will bring wisdom and joy, and ultimately, praise to the Father who created us all!

I'm about to meet someone who will teach me things I never would have known otherwise... and someone for whom I will be responsible. Because of him, I will grow in ways I would not otherwise grow.

I'm about to meet someone who will bring depth of joy and delight to my husband, my children, and our extended family and friends-- he will enrich the lives of the people I love most!

I'm about to meet someone who will have a unique fingerprint, a unique personality, and a unique perspective through which the rest of us can learn a bit more of what it means to be "made in the image of God".

I'm about to meet someone the world has never seen, and would not be the same without.

Like millions of mothers before me, I'm about to meet my son. But like no other mother in the world, I'm about to meet Moses Henry, my son. He is a unique creation of God, unlike any other... a precious, individual soul. For however long I live, for however long he lives, our lives will be intertwined. We will live and learn together and, I pray, both grow more like Jesus in the process.

I am just so excited to meet him. What a pleasure to do something with such enormous ETERNAL impact!

"Me Time", Burnout, and Jesus' Example

2011-08-01T02:22:00.003-05:00

In the last decade, there's been a clamoring for women to embrace and seek out "me time". Especially moms. Oprah has promoted it, parenting magazines write about it, and online forums debate its merits. I've spent time thinking about the concept over the last few years, wondering in my own mind if it is a biblical concept or not.

It is tempting to take a black-and-white approach: embrace the concept entirely, or throw it out entirely.

BALANCE

And here's what I've come to think about "me time": we women have to be balanced and unbiased as we examine our lives and determine what our needs are, and then we need to work to meet our own needs as we meet the needs of others. Sometimes, from secular sources, we can hear voices that tell us to put ourselves first, and to seek self-fulfillment as we walk through life. At the same time, we sometimes "hear" from Christian sources about "self-denial" or "taking up our cross" and can wrongly infer that we are never to take time to meet our own needs.

So, on the one hand, we may be tempted to put too much stock in our own self-- seeking our own fulfillment and happiness at the expense of others that God has given us responsibility for or responsibility to. On the other hand, we may be tempted to be proverbial doormats, falsely believing that anything we desire or need is automatically selfish and that if we seek to meet those needs, we would be displeasing to God.

WHAT SCRIPTURE SHOWS US

The Bible tells us to, "love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF" (Lev. 19:18, 34; Mt. 19:19; Mt. 22:39; Rom 13:9), the implication, of course, being that we know how to and do love ourselves. The assumption here is that we meet our own needs and care for our own souls... this is to be an example for us as we seek to love others-- we should show them the same concern that we show for our own selves.

The example of Jesus also speaks volumes to us as we seek to rightly balance the call of "me time" with true soul care. Many times in Scripture Jesus sought time alone to pray:

Just after miraculously feeding the thousands, Jesus is found praying alone. (Luke 9:18)
When troubled and with a heavy heart, Jesus removed Himself even from His closest friends and spent time alone with the Father in prayer in Gethsemane. (Matt. 26: 36-39)
In the midst of a heavy season of ministry, Jesus rose "very early in the morning, while it was still dark" to go to a "desolate place" for prayer and solitude, and yet left the solitude to continue on in ministry. (Mark 1:35-38)
In Luke's version of the scene of Jesus & His disciples praying at Gethsemane, we get this added bit of information: "he came out and went, as was His custom". He habitually spent time in solitude and prayer. (Luke 22:39)
In one particularly demanding time, Jesus got away by Himself, but when the crowds followed Him anyway with their demands, He "had compassion on them" and met their needs. (Matt. 14:13-14)

SEASONS OF WOMANHOOD

As women and as mothers, there are varying seasons.

Younger women, not yet married, or those without children, have varying degrees of "free" time or opportunities for quiet.

Many of you are in the earliest years of motherhood, with one baby, or with several little ones, all of whom require your full attention. I understand it can be very difficult to find time for solitude during that stage!

I myself am in a middle stage-- with elementary age kids down to our baby-- and I can sometimes make time for solitude, but have very rare opportunities for silence. I'm in a noisy season, for sure, and it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon.

My best friend is 42, and is in a different stage than I. Her 5 kids range from 12-21, and she has much more time for quiet contemplation and study than I currently do. She's busy, running from here to there, but she has much more solitude and silence.

My own mother has a quiet home, as my brother and I are both adults with our own families, and yet she has a massive workload, with many demands on her time, so while she has "quiet", she doesn't have much time.

"EXAMINE YOURSELVES"

We are always adjusting from one season to another, and I think we need to examine ourselves thoughtfully. The Bible encourages us to soberly assess our lives. Some of us tend toward self-denial (even to the detriment of our health & sanity-- think of mothers who have mental breakdowns), and some of us tend toward self-gratification (even to the detriment of our family & budget-- think of mothers who rack up debt, ruin their marriages, or hurt their children in their pursuit for self-fulfillment)... we each have to examine our own hearts and search out what is true, and what God would have us do.

When we examine ourselves, we may find sinful motivations, but we will also uncover genuine needs.

I am not able to tell you your needs, and you are likely not able to tell me mine... but we all have One to Whom we can run who knows us perfectly. And amazingly, He Himself knows our weaknesses! And He can help us discern when we are being wrongly selfish, and when we are foolishly burning ourselves out.

As a human man, Jesus felt physically exhausted. Christ-- The Messiah-- Himself needed to get away for prayer and solitude! And then there were times when He put aside His own desire for solitude in order to have compassion on and serve others. We can trust Him to help us as we seek to rightly assess our needs.

Think about what your needs really are... ask God to show you. If you are in a season of high demands, you will need to think more carefully about how to meet your own needs than someone who is in a less-demanding season. On airplanes, they tell you to "put on your own oxygen mask before you seek to help others", and I think for moms in the throes of high-demand seasons, that is a very wise piece of advice. Today, I read this (from a book, "Embracing Soul Care"):

"It is alarming how often leaders crash and burn... burnout is also the hazard of parents, medical practitioners... and anyone who cares for the needs of others. Many of us... don't know when to let ourselves breathe first. ... We want to see other people breathe so badly that we neglect our own air, falsely assuming that we'll take a breath when it's needed. The result is incredible stress, compassion fatigue, and emotional exhaustion."

Don't burn yourself out when there are little ones depending on you!

And on the other hand, we look at Christ's sacrificing of Himself for others and know there is beauty in denial of self.

SO, WHAT ABOUT "ME TIME"?

My encouragement to you is to remember both truths: Jesus Himself got away and refueled during the difficult seasons of His life... and yet, Jesus sacrificed Himself for others when He saw their needs.

Examine your life thoughtfully, and see if there are needs going unmet in a way that is going to lead to burnout and exhaustion. If so, consider how you might better "feed" your soul. Is there a time you can carve out to spend time in solitude, go for a prayer walk, read your Bible, or get some exercise in, so that you are refueling in healthy ways?

For those who tend towards too much "me time", look around you and see where God might stir up compassion in your heart for the needy people around you. Just as Jesus spent time refueling and then was willing to lay aside His solitude for the benefit of others, consider how He might use your "plenty" to overflow into the needs of others.

May He give us all wisdom as we seek to find balance in our lives, love others, and honor Christ above all!

Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: photouten / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: africa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Psalms, Hymns, & Spiritual Songs: Praise To the Lord, the Almighty

2011-07-30T23:29:00.000-05:00

I love this song. I love the truth of the lyrics, and the way it points to God's character over and over. These things have been absolutely true in my life.

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration.

Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wonderfully reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings,
Yea, so gladly sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper they work and defend thee.
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee!

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him.
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him!
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again.
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

I am particularly fond of verse 2, because it's so true-- the adventures He has in store for us are better than the ones we can "dream" up. God reigns over all things, and His plans for us (even when difficult) are ultimately for His glory & our good! Hope you're having a great weekend.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #22

2011-07-28T21:28:00.004-05:00

Let's jump right in:

America is just go-go-go all the time, isn't it? I'm exhausted!
A couple weeks ago, I read the passage about the centurion approaching Jesus on behalf of his "suffering, paralyzed servant", and just got stuck on that description... doesn't that sometimes describe the Christian life? We are servants of Him, and of others... and yet we can get stuck and even feel unable to move. I was so encouraged by Jesus' response: "I will come and heal him." Jesus stands ready to work in our lives if we will ask. He has done such a transformation in my attitude over the past couple months, when I felt that I was deep in a spiritual "rut". If you're suffering, or feeling paralyzed emotionally, Jesus is the Healer & I want to encourage you to trust Him to work in your heart. He still heals those in need.
Beginning next week, I'll be taking an online class called "Dynamics of Biblical Change", basically about how Christians are transformed, how we change. I'm considering pursuing a Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, and am going to use this class as a small litmus test for myself, to see if this is really an area that I want to devote time and mental energy in coming years.
Just heard this recently-- Duke University did a study on sleep, and determined that the best sleep environment is (no surprise here) dark, quiet, and has a temperature of 65 degrees Fahrenheit. And on average, human beings need between 7 & 3/4 hours and 8 & 1/4 hours of sleep per night. So how are you doing on all of that? Ours is dark, quiet, and (while in America) stays at around 70-75 degrees...65-70 in the winter... and I probably get 6-7 hours of sleep a night, by choice. For example, it's currently 12:23 am and the kids have been asleep since 8:30 or so. I could've gone to bed hours ago, and according to Duke, I should've. :-/
Do you spend time thinking about how God is working in and around you? I'm becoming convinced that this is a significant area of my life that I forget to check in on regularly. Jesus made it a point to tell us that He only did whatever the Father was already doing. (John 5:19) How much more, then, should we be actively in tune with the world around us, and our hearts inside of us-- looking at what God is doing? I think many things would change in our home, in our kids' lives, in my life, and in my relationships if I tried to sharpen my focus onto what the Father is doing around me. What about you? Is this something you consider regularly?
Heard this from a friend and thought you might like it:
"A screwdriver can be used to scrape gunk off a hard surface, or to pry open a paint can lid, but what it was really made to do is to turn that screw."
What did God make you for? There are times when we have to buck up and do what we *can* do, sometimes persevering through tough circumstances and buckling down with endurance to do what needs doing. But we shouldn't lose sight of the big picture of God each of us as creating unique people; He created you and me to reflect His glory in special ways. Take time to nurture that inner part and honor Him with the beauty He's put in you!
I really treasured the opportunity to visit Covenant Life church, and thought this point from Josh Harris' sermon was particularly encouraging:
"Showing love (defined as intentionally pursuing the good of other people) to others is a commandment of God-- first in the Old Testament, then reaffirmed by Jesus in the New Testament as one of the greatest commandments. When times are uncertain (for example, when there are disagreements between believers, or when there are doctrinal disputes), we can RELY on what IS certain-- what God has clearly commanded: love one another."

Well, can ya tell I just did a journal dump of what I've been taking notes on over the past month or so? :) Lots of good stuff, though... stuff that has been encouraging to me, and I hope will encourage you. Have a great weekend.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Five

2011-07-26T07:18:00.006-05:00

This is part five of a five-part series about how I went from working gal to stay-home-mom, back in 2002. You can read the other parts by clicking: PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR. (The pictures in this post are current pictures of our family, because I have virtually no pictures from 2002 in digital format.)

****************************************************************

As I began sharing last time, when we made the decision for me to be home with our baby, it wasn't because we were in great financial shape, or because my husband had a plum job & we could afford it. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We had student loans aplenty, and had just racked up more than $17,000 in medical debts because our son spent his first week in a NICU that didn't accept our insurance. We moved back to Texas to be near family, but had no job, no insurance, and had saved just enough money to get through a couple weeks (at best).

Everything rested on my husband's ability to pound the pavement and our God's ability to provide.

Doug applied at a wide variety of places, dropping his resume at virtually every place that would accept it, and filling out applications anywhere that he was able to do the work (i.e., from Home Depot to the Dallas Museum of Art). After a week or two, Doug got a call and was hired to work at Kohl's, the department store. He made a slightly more than minimum wage, and received a discount in their stores. We grocery shopped carefully, almost never ate out, lived in a one-bedroom apartment, made it work with one car & one cell phone (no landline), and used his discount to get nicer clothes for him for future interviews. If memory serves, he worked at Kohl's for 2-3 months.

A friend of ours at church told us about a mortgage company in the metroplex that was often looking for people for their bankruptcy department, and so Doug went through the process there and was hired. He worked hard, going in early (he would often leave at 5am to get a jumpstart on the workday and avoid traffic), and we were so thankful that he had a job, with an adequate salary (though I know some people think it's tacky to talk about money, I don't particularly care about "tacky"... I'm writing this story to encourage other families out there with our story, to give you hope that you can "do it", too, if you sense God's leading to stay home). He made $30,000 plus benefits.

We were thankful for his job, and it gave us enough as a young family. We didn't expect to have a designer house, and Ethan almost entirely wore clothes and used baby things that we were given or that we'd gotten at thrift stores. I didn't update my wardrobe, and didn't have a dishwasher or a 2nd car (so I literally "stayed home")... but despite lacking these external things that our society tells us we "need", we were so happy! I was so glad to be with this little person who was fascinated by everything and was, himself, so fascinating. Our new son & I spent our days together, friends came over to see us from time to time, and I tried my hand at cooking more than I had in our pre-baby days, with varying degrees of success. I still think back on those early days and am so glad we sacrificed so that Ethan and I could be together.

It's not a popular thing to say, but it is true-- in our very wealthy nation of America, it is almost always possible for a woman to stay home with her baby if she wants to. If you don't want to, that's your decision. But for those who do want to stay home, and are wondering if you can do it, or thinking that it's impossible, I want to encourage you that it is possible. Like we did, you might need to move to a less expensive city. You may not have "luxury" items, or even what other people expect as "normal". Like mine did, your husband may have to take a job (or jobs) that are outside his area of expertise. But you can make it work, and in the long run, you won't regret making hard choices, or even sacrificing, in order to enjoy these special moments with your baby, and give him a loving, stable, and connected start in life.

From one mom who's been there, you CAN stay home if you want to, and it is so precious to share those days together with the new little person God has put in your family.

"Get Yourself Dressed!": Growing More Mature as a Believer

2011-07-24T22:48:00.003-05:00

This morning, I was getting Moses into his little shirt (he turned 1 recently) and I noticed that he was actively striving to help put his arms in... a new development! It's so fun, isn't it?, the way our children start out so helpless and over time, take on more and more responsibility for themselves. It'll be awhile, though, before I have to remind him, when he comes to the living room in his big-boy-underwear, "go get yourself dressed!"

And there are parallels of this for us, in the Christian life. Last week, I had the opportunity to head outside our four walls for a quiet hour... an opportunity to practice the discipline of solitude and prayer. After I did, I realized how infrequently I've set aside time to really be silent before the Lord, just listening, still, knowing that He is God.

If I'm going to grow spiritually, if I'm going to mature, I've got to start owning my own actions, and reach out for what I need. "Dressing myself", so to speak, like Moses is beginning to try to do.

I'm learning more about going deeper in my spiritual walk, and I know part of it is just me exercising the spiritual disciplines that have nurtured and sustained the faith of Christians for centuries.We evangelicals do a fair job carrying out the outward things... giving charitably, gathering as a community of Saints to worship together each Sunday, studying our Bibles, and such. We do not typically do so well at the inward disciplines-- prayer, solitude, fasting, meditating on memorized Scripture, and the like. I want to grow in this area, and I'm considering how to take those steps.

But I'm writing now as a way of setting up a stone of remembrance, like the children of Israel often did, that God has brought me thus far. Like the priests, I feel like I'm walking down to the river. Like God is drawing me into a new place in my relationship with Him. I really don't know how God will teach me to have God-confidence, and not revert back to that self-confidence I've come to rely on these many decades... but I trust that He will show me.

Maybe He's asking something similar of you? I don't know... but this has all come about in my heart since starting to write again, and so if you want to go deeper too, I'd love to hear from you and walk with you. No pressure, but if you're interested, please leave a comment & let's discuss these things more.

outdoor: Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

prayer: Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 Quick Takes Friday - #21

2011-07-21T22:39:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since my last "7 Quick Takes"-- but here's mine for this week:

We've been thankful to tag a family trip to DC this week onto a business conference Doug had last week. Pictures will be forthcoming in the weeks ahead... but it's been great to see our kids experience this historic city for the first time. We were able to visit the White House, Washington Monument, Ford's Theater, National Gallery of Art, the Capitol building, National Air & Space Museum, Bureau of Engraving & Printing, Museum of Natural History, the National Zoo, and a good portion of the monuments here, and meet our Congressman & my old boss (who had no idea we had 5 children & was completely shell-shocked!). Whew! We're tired, but it was a great trip. I'm glad these venues are all free, cause the roach-coach-hot-dogs, meals, and metro rides were not! :)
Speaking of the visit with my old boss, he commented how patient I must be, to have five children, because his wife gets exhausted just trying to cook for him & their two children. He mentioned that one of them will want waffles, one will want pancakes, another wants eggs, etc... and she gets so frustrated. I laughed and told him, actually, I'm less patient than she is. I'm no short-order-cook. I make the food, they eat it, and unless there's a genuine dislike for something (proven over several tries) or an allergy, we all eat what we get cheerfully. It's interesting, sometimes, to see the misperceptions people have of us based on partial information.
I totally forgot how far it is between monuments/memorials. Before 2 days ago, I've never done it with children (and I did it alone, with four children--What was I thinking?!), and so I grossly underestimated how long it would take to walk from the Washington to the Lincoln, through the Korean, (past the place where they're building a memorial for Martin Luther King, Jr. - very exciting!), over to the Jefferson. Moving right along...
I spotted Minnie Driver in the White House. While we were on our tour, they suddenly put out some ropes and she and about 6 or 8 other people scurried across the hallway into the rooms that we were only allowed to peer into from the doorway. Pretty fancy stuff, being a celebrity. It was shocking to me to notice how much celebrity interest is instilled in my soul... I've only ever seen one movie with Minnie Driver in it (Return to Me), and while I really do like that movie, I have no other connection with Ms. Driver, as a human being. Why was I so enthralled with and impressed by just the presence of a celebrity?
Last Sunday, we were able to visit Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD, and completely loved it. They are currently going through a bit of a challenging time as a congregation, but it was wonderful to hear and see the Body of Christ working through a difficult time with great theological depth and a commitment to truth from God's Word. We enjoyed worshiping with such great joy and intensity, and reconnecting with some friends there.
I can't tell you how much God has refreshed my spirit in these last few weeks. It has been so good to go deep in God's Word again, not with a goal of INFORMATION, but instead approaching it with an eye toward TRANSFORMATION. As I thought through growth as a believer, this model of how we grow and change as believers was very helpful. These ideas really resonated with the current condition of my heart:
"Stage 4 is "the journey inward" - "a deep and very personal inward journey" that "almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it". ...The end of stage 4 involves an experience of "the Wall" - "a face-to-face experience with God and with our own will". It is impossible to go over, around, or under the Wall. One can only go through it. ...At the Wall, we become "aware of all the lies we have accepted about ourselves". We are forced to "face the truth" in order to move forward."

"...Growth is painful. Ask any person who is currently transitioning between childhood and adolescence and he or she will affirm this wholeheartedly. Growth comes at a price. It involves more than enthusiasm. It involves commitment, determination, and perseverance. Although we may desire to grow rapidly, our awareness of the difficulty involved in the transition from one stage to another should curb our desires to move ahead too quickly."
I'm not saying I fully endorse or agree with everything written, or that every believer follows the same path... but that for me, in this season, these ideas were helpful for really analyzing where I've been as a Christ-follower, and where I am currently, and how God moves in our lives. Perhaps it will help one of you as well.
On that final note, I have been shocked to see, as I've prayerfully and carefully been examining my heart, life, and practices, how many lies I had unknowingly accepted as true in my life:

That I was no longer a woman of prayerfulness (As if I couldn't start at any moment!),
That I had been silent to God too long and had too much to catch up on and wouldn't know where to start (What was I thinking?),
That I was growing bitter and cynical and perhaps those things were just now a part of my life since I was growing older (What a lie from the enemy, that these things have to stay in my heart & life!), and
That I could not do anything about these conditions of my heart... that I simply had to live with it. (What a denial of the truth that anything is possible with God!)

It is shocking to see how many things I had adopted as true that simply are not true, and how many things I had believed must just continue on in a dreary way that actually do not have to remain in that state. I pray that God will use this time of growth to bind me closer to Him and give me discernment in the future about the ideas I'm accepting in my heart, about my life, my attitude, myself, and about Him. I pray that next time, He'll help me to be more alert to combat lies like these.

Do you participate in Jenn's "7 Quick Takes"? You should consider it-- it's definitely helpful for getting out random thoughts/experiences. :) Have a great weekend!

When the Words Tumble Out

2011-07-20T22:57:00.002-05:00

Recently I walked out of a large room full of people and my husband was just behind me. I wanted to stop by the restroom, so I told him, "I've got to go pott--y", and I just as I spoke that last syllable, I turned to find that I was talking to a stranger.

The man's response? "OK, but that's not normally what I talk about in my first conversation with someone!" :)

I couldn't help but giggle! Sometimes words just come out to the wrong person, or at the wrong time.

But God is so gracious... it is always the right time to talk to Him. He is always there to listen to our words as they tumble out of our mouths. Psalm 121 says, "the LORD Who keeps you will not slumber." Day or night, He is there. No matter your time zone. No matter the subject.

God is reminding me again to pour out my heart to Him (instead of bottling it up)... and to listen (instead of hurrying on my merry way). To fear Him (instead of only seeing Him as my gracious friend, also recognizing that He is Creator and LORD)... and to praise Him verbally (instead of simply admiring the beautiful things I see without speaking to Him about it).

The Father is drawing me back to a prayerfulness that I lost somewhere along the way, over this last year or two. I'm so thankful that He is. It's enriching my relationship with Him, drastically changing my attitude, and giving me joy and confidence in HIM.

It's always OK for our words to tumble out to our Father. He hears, He sees, He loves.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stripping Away Self-Confidence-- Building God-Confidence

2011-07-18T00:42:00.005-05:00

All my life, confidence in my own abilities and talents is not something I've lacked. I would not say I ever felt cocky or arrogant... but my parents gave me plenty of praise and plenty of "you can do anything you put your mind to do"-type comments, and so I have gone through life feeling able... able (from an early age) to speak in public settings, able to take the lead part in musicals, able to win drum competitions, able to go out for and be class president. Now, in the area of friendships, I have perpetually felt deficient and still to this day struggle with the sense that I am an outsider to the "real" group, those people, over there... but in the area of skills and effort, I've felt capable.

And it has continued on in my life, sometimes in very positive ways-- like the confidence that I can learn to embroider simply from reading about it in books. (I'm learning, and it's going well!) Or the confidence that I can step out and begin classes in counseling. (I'll start my first class next month.) So please don't hear me saying that feeling capable, in and of itself, is always a bad thing.

TORN DOWN, AND REBUILT

But God is changing some perspectives in my life. Wow, has He been working on it!

(Have you ever had that realization, when you keep hitting the same struggle--"whoa! He means to DO this in me... He's got a purpose here!")

I am seeing that He has strategically chipped away certain parts of me... and that chipping away has been painful (like Eustace with the dragon scales)... but He is teaching me where to place my confidence.

LOOKING BACK
It is very helpful to be back in the States for this short season of life... to thoughtfully examine our lives, without the weighty "backpack" of cultural stress we've been carrying around for these many years. And one thing I'm beginning to see clearly that God has done during the last 5 years of our lives is strip away my self confidence; here are some of the ways I can see His hand:

In Doug's time of unexplained collapses and sickness, 5 years ago, God stripped me of the sense that I had the ability to control life. He removed me from a place where I felt competent, confident, and in control, and took me to a place of need and uncertainty. And honestly, He kept me in that state of need for the last 4 years.

Over the last 5 years, He has given us three wonderful children-- children who have absolutely stretched me beyond what I (in myself) am capable of. I can no longer operate under the illusion that I am competent and that I can easily drum up self-control equal to the task.

Over the last decade, He has transitioned us from a life where I was valued as an integral part of a respected office to our home, where the value of my work (and the ugly things too) is mostly seen in secret, known primarily to God Himself. My husband sees it, and a few others in our lives see and appreciate it, but it's mostly hidden away.

Namely, He has taken me from feeling confident, competent, and in control to a very strong awareness of my need for Him.

At various points, acquaintances have marvelled at the way that Doug and I "held up" through that season of sickness, or have commented, "oh, I could never do that!", when we had our 3rd or 4th children. I didn't realize it at the time; I thought I was honoring God in my responses, but I used to say, "well, I guess God built us strong." How embarrassing that is for me to write now, just a few years later! The way I glorified myself as the Strong one, with a little nod to my Creator.

HIS END GOAL FOR ME
I am beginning to see now that His end goal for me is not that I become a confident, capable, in control woman. His goal for me is that I would become like Christ, and boast in Him alone. That I would see and freely admit that His strength is shown to be complete in my weakness. That I would know and believe that He is able to do all that needs doing, and that my abilities come from Him and are maintained in Him. That instead of trying to tightly grip each day, each situation, or each person, and control my way through life, I can acknowledge the reality of His role as the "Blessed Controller" and walk in freedom.

Simply put, He is stripping away my self-confidence and building up my God-confidence.

A RESTING PLACE
Last week, I was fortunate to get away for a quiet walk near the edge of a forest. I was talking out loud with God, which He's teaching me to do once again. I began pouring out all of these things that I've just written to you. They've been bottled up inside my heart for so long, and they just came spilling out to my Father, who of course had already seen and known it all.

Just then, I came to a place where someone had mowed down a meandering path through the tall grass and bushes at the edge of this forest. I glanced around and walked ahead, not knowing where the path would lead, wondering if I was foolish to be walking off in a forest I wasn't familiar with, on a path with a destination I didn't know. Pained in my heart, with tears in my eyes, I asked Him,

"how can I avoid going back to those old ways? How can I not revert back to that old self-confidence? Will you help me? My whole life I've walked with the need to control and be thought capable. Can the fabric of my life be re-woven without those ugly threads inserting themselves in each line?"

The path curved, and as I wiped away my tears, I looked and there was a stone amongst the grass, dead center in the pathway. I removed my shoes, stepped onto the rock, and realized that here, God had answered me:

only by placing my confidence in the Solid Rock can I move forward.

He is the One I must trust. Not self. Not abilities. Not control. Not competence. Jesus Christ! I don't have all the practical answers yet, of what this means, but I know that He is changing me, and I'm so grateful to Him for never letting me curl up into myself and stagnate. It's not easy, but it's so good.

My faith has found a resting place,
Not in device or creed.
I trust the Ever-Living One;
His wounds for me shall plead.
I need no other argument; I need no other plea.
It is enough that Jesus died, and that He died for me.

Drum photo: Image: Bill Longshaw / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Chisel: Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Royalty of God

2011-07-14T05:04:00.000-05:00

I recently read a story about a 6-year-old cancer patient who rushed out to greet Princess Kate, and one of the sub-headlines of the story was that "protocol was broken" by the hug they shared.

It just made me think of how royal protocol was broken when the King of Kings sent His Son to us... Philippians tells us about Jesus, who,

"though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself, by becoming obedient to the point of death... even death on a cross."

Royalty Becomes the Servant

A King had sent His Son to save the peasants, and not only that-- that Son took "the form of a servant". Christ-- the Messiah, the hoped-for King-- took the role of a humble slave.

Can you imagine going out, today, and putting on a maid's uniform, and then never taking it off? How would people treat you? How would your behavior change over time? I'll be honest and say that I've never really thought of that. My flesh cries out for approval and recognition. But Christ's situation is even more severe than this... He IS perfect-- He deserved & deserves recognition and praise, and yet, He willingly became humble. He lovingly served.

Servanthood

Just like that little girl wants to be like Princess Kate, I want to be like Jesus. But instead of beautiful dresses and jewels, that passage in Philippians 2 (and many others throughout scripture) tells us that servanthood is how we follow Him. Scripture tells us to joyfully seek the joy of others, to put the needs of others first, and to delight in pleasing God above all else-- even if the cup He puts in front of us is one we'd rather not drink.

Though a difficult truth, this is also a joyful truth! Just as servants of earthly royalty work, day in, day out, sometimes doing quite menial tasks, but find value in it because they know whom they are serving, we can do the things God asks of us-- big and small-- with joy, because we know WHOM we are serving.

Do you remember what He told us?

"Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me." Then the righteous will answer him, saying, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?... And the King will answer them, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." (Matthew 25:35-40)

Father, King, Loving Protocol-Breaker, help me to understand this truth more and more, and emulate your son more and more in my life.

Personalizing the Golden Rule

2011-07-11T00:39:00.001-05:00

Matthew 7:12 is one of the most quoted verses in the Bible--

"Whatever you wish that others would do for you, do also to them."

And yet, this morning, it occurred to me that I've never really personalized this verse. Now, I know there is a general "be kind" message here, and I've tried to live that out in my life.

But this morning, when I read this passage, I decided to list out the "whatevers" that I wish other people would do for me. I'd encourage you to take time to do the same. Instead of some kind of saccharine-sweet generic message to the masses, it made this verse more like a personal challenge for me.

Here's the list I came up with (of what I wish others would do for me):

love genuinely, with acceptance
help freely
listen & seek to understand
offer authentic friendship
teach the things I need to know in a way that exhibits those things you're teaching
welcome my thoughts
value my efforts
teach me how to do things, how to get better at practical things
love, don't judge, me!
pray for me and trust God to lead and guide me when I'm discouraged
comfort me with the comfort you have received from God
if there is a visible need, jump in and help
hang out with me and share authentically

It occurred to me as I was making this list how some of these are common to all of us, but some of these may be specific to my personality, and what I appreciate may differ from what others need/desire. Are there things on my list that you wouldn't have put on yours? I'll bet you might put things on your list that I haven't written out here.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Dealing with Mastitis

2011-07-07T00:00:00.001-05:00

For the breastfeeding mom, mastitis is a common infection that can hurt like the dickens and be quite discouraging if you don't nip it in the bud. Additionally, if not dealt with quickly, your nipples may crack and bleed, which only exacerbates the pain that was felt from the actual infection & inflammation.

With my first baby (born 9 years ago today!), he got out of the hospital on day 7 (he had been in the NICU w/ pneumonia), and I had mastitis from when he was 8 days old all the way past when he was one month old. It was horrible. I remember sitting down to nurse Ethan, and crying every time because the pain was so bad. It was near-constant pain, and the latch-on and nursing process only intensified it. I have had mastitis with every single baby we've had, but never as bad as with Ethan because I learned what helps and have worked very hard in subsequent times to nip it in the bud right away.

So if you're facing mastitis, I probably know what you're feeling. It hurts, and it's discouraging. But you can treat it and help it go away, and if you press through, you will reap the benefits of your own tenacity & endurance, and be able to go on to a successful breastfeeding relationship!

Let me share with you what helps me:

Use hot compresses-- just before, and just after nursing, for about 20 minutes each time. What I do for that is a near-scalding hot washcloth (shaked out in the air just for a second to make it uber-hot but not scalding), covered up with a hand towel immediately, on each side, and then a bath towel over both sides. The towels help to retain the heat of the washcloth. After you remove the compresses, let your breasts air dry before putting your bra or clothes on over them.
I always nurse first on the side that hurts most. And if there's a particular side that hurts more (like, if the underside hurts most and is red), I angle it so that the baby's tongue/bottom of their mouth is directly positioned on that part of the breast. So, I'll use the football hold, cross over hold, laying side by side, or whatever, to get them into the best position to stimulate the part that hurts most.
Ibuprofen & Tylenol, alternating round-the-clock.
Rest, rest, rest, and rest some more. Do as little as you possibly can besides nursing and sleeping. This one is perhaps the most important. Rest, wake up to nurse, rest, rest, rest, nurse some more, and repeat until the infection is gone.
Nurse slightly *more* often than you would normally do. Drain your breasts as completely as possible, and use your thumb to massage any hard lumps/spots to get the milk out.
DO NOT WEAR UNDERWIRE. This is often a trigger for mastitis, as it presses right on certain ducts and can perpetuate the problem. Wear a soft cotton nursing or sports bra.
If you are using nursing pads, change them often.
If fever persists for more than 24 hours, call your doctor, as you may require antibiotics. I wish I'd have known to do this with my first bout. It wouldn't have lasted near as long as it did if I had called my doc earlier than I did.

OK, that's my brain dump about what helps me when I deal with mastitis... I hope it helps you. Mastitis can be a discouraging development while breastfeeding, but treat it quickly, and persevere; you can still go on to enjoy a very successful breastfeeding relationship! Hang in there!

If you have had mastitis and have tips that can help other moms, please share your thoughts in the comments.

If you're wondering why I'm writing about this, no, I don't have mastitis now. I'm just trying to get these things out on "paper" while I still remember them. I know the day will likely come when I no longer have little ones and may not be able to remember all these particulars. So, I'm writing them out now, in hopes that it can help others.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Four

2011-07-02T19:39:00.010-05:00

This is part four of a series about how I went from working gal to stay-home-mom, back in 2002. You can read the other parts by clicking: PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE. For some reason my photo uploader isn't working well and so this post is all text.

****************************************************************

So in part three, I shared how my epiphany of needing to be home with our baby kind of bubbled up out of me, but I really couldn't remember (at the time that I wrote it) what specific input had led to that sense of urgency, all at once.

Last week, I started reading a book by Iris Krasnow, and remembered that, while I was pregnant with Ethan, I read another of her books-- called "Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul". It's now been nearly 10 years since I read that book, so I can not recall with great detail everything about the book, but I will say this-- there is one scene she describes, where she is home with her toddler and two twin babies, and they've made a titanic mess all over the dining room floor. In that moment, she LOVES them, she KNOWS them, and she's WITH them, and she vividly recounts the surrender that happened in her soul. I remember reading about that situation and thinking, "YES!" Messes and all, 'fulfillment' or not, I need to be there--at home--for our sweet baby & any future kids we have."

Reading Krasnow's experiences as a young, overwhelmed mother reminded me of the loving, faithful mothers I'd watched and known over the years (including my own, who stayed home with us until we went to school), and her book was perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back in compelling me to "surrender to motherhood". I can't tell you in strong enough words, 9 years later, how very thankful I am that God took random pieces of life and prodded me to be home with these little people who are now growing into bigger people He uses to shape and sharpen me.

OK, so back to 9 & 1/2 years ago...

"Now What?"

Doug had responded to my sense of urgency about staying home with our baby by saying, "OK, we'll make that happen".

But you have to understand-- our income set-up was such that I was the one 'bringing home the bacon'. He had a more seasonal, part-time position at the National Gallery of Art. Our primary source of money, our insurance... everything that was stable and "made sense" financially, came from my job.

About this same time, he had applied to two top-notch graduate-level art schools and had not been accepted into their very selective programs. So the things that had caused us to move to Washington, DC, and the things that tied us there, no longer made much sense. For a month or two, we looked for houses far out from DC, trying to think through how we could make the balance sheet add up. Finally, it hit us-- "we need to be near family, we need to be where living costs are lower... duh, we need to move back home, to Texas!"

But we didn't know whether to move back before or after the baby, and we didn't have any idea what we'd do for a job or for health insurance. What does a guy with an art degree do for work, if not grad school and on to professor-dom (which had been our loose "plan")?

Mr. Incredible

This is the part of the story that is impossible to tell without telling you just how grateful I am for my husband. I don't want to make it sound like he ditched some awesome scholarship & art school opportunity so that I could be home with our baby, because that opportunity (though sought) never materialized. But it would not be accurate to tell this story without clearly discussing how he put his own "need for fulfillment" on the backburner in order to just, flat out, provide for his growing family.

Money Matters

We decided that since we'd already found a doctor to deliver our baby, we would stay in DC and then move 4-5 weeks after his/her arrival. We would pay for HIPAA and somehow make it work financially so our baby's first few weeks would be covered by insurance.

My due date was June 18th. I worked right up to, and a few days beyond, that due date. Still he didn't show up. Well, my water broke at just after midnight, the morning of July 6th, and he was born after 1am, the morning of July 7th. You can read his birth story here.

So after he was born, Ethan spent the first week in the NICU. Little did we know that, though we had prepared to use HIPAA, and though we had gotten pre-approval from our insurance company for our hospital and doctor, the specialists that ran the NICU were not on our insurance, and we ended up with a medical bill of more than seventeen thousand dollars. We of course had no idea that a hospital would use a company within their own hospital that did not accept the same insurance companies (For the record, we had Blue Cross Blue Shield, not some obscure company.), but we were stuck with the bill.

Despite this financial blow, our landlords were so kind and gave us a free month of rent when Ethan was born. God took care of us in little and big ways.

Packing Up Our Apartment

Silly me, back then I was Mrs. Last-minute... I hadn't packed up almost anything before he arrived. I didn't think about how short 5 weeks would be, especially with a newborn! We also hosted my parents for a week or two and then my brother & sister in law came up and visited for another week. So basically, we spent our time, right up to the wire, packing up our apartment. Another couple from our small local church there came and helped us pack our apartment-- such a blessing.

Final Analysis

Somehow, we made it. We got the apartment packed up (it was right down to the wire!). We didn't have a huge amount of money saved. But Doug got in a cruddy old on-its-last-leg U-Haul truck (without A/C!) with our belongings, towing our car behind it, and 5-week-old Ethan & I got on a flight to Arkansas, where I stayed a night at my parents' house until Doug made it there, picked us up, and we went on our way to Texas. (I should add, when Doug dropped off the U-Haul, the guys at that shop cussed and were appalled that the DC shop had been so irresponsible to use that particular truck for anything other than a cross-city move. Shocked, they said we had been fortunate that the truck made it the whole way.)

We'd be living in a one-bedroom apartment we'd never seen (I had talked to the landlord over the phone, and this was in the early days of the internet when all they had up was a star on a map, so we knew where it was). We had no health insurance. The little we'd saved was being eaten up by college and (now) medical debts. Neither of us had a job, or any prospects.

It was a huge step of faith; people probably thought we had lost our minds... but God had been faithful, and would continue to care for us.

(Click to read: PART FIVE.)

Thinking About Legacy

2011-07-01T14:56:00.008-05:00

This week in ladies' Bible study, we were given the prompt:

"What legacy do I want to leave?
What did God create me to be and do on this earth?"

I used to think about these questions a lot more than I currently do. Life can get overwhelming and just putting one foot in front of the other, changing the next diaper, packing the next box, getting on the next plane, driving to the next get-together can seem like enough. Enough. ENOUGH! :) Ever been there?

But I was thankful for the chance, yesterday, to consider these things. Here was my response, first in bullet-point, then in a more fleshed-out longhand version.

Devoted Christ-follower
Obedient child of God
Joyful wife
Loving mother
Faithful friend
Cheerful giver
Hospitable
Genuine & Honest

I want to be a woman who lives intentionally, who obeys and loves God even in difficult times (pressing through feelings to faith!). I want to do Doug good, and not harm, all the days of my life (Prov. 31:12). I want to welcome, encourage, and challenge other women and friends to trust in Jesus Christ. He is trustworthy! I want to cling to and trust God's Word above my own opinions, experiences, or thoughts. What He says, I believe. I want to wholeheartedly love and thoughtfully equip our children to launch out like arrows, flying according to the "bent" God has given them. I want to be someone who doesn't give up in the struggle of sanctification, but instead be like the righteous person in Prov. 4:18, who keeps shining brighter and brighter until my final day. Basically, I want to be a woman who "ponders the path of her feet" (Prov. 4:25-27). ***

In response to the question, "what did God create me to do?", in addition to the things listed above, things I'm living out each day, I'm currently considering my options for distance-learning and pursuing a Marriage & Family Therapy Counseling degree/certificate program. It's something I could do from home during these years when I'm primarily in the home with occasional blasts of "free" time (nap times, evening hours, Saturday mornings, etc.), that would be beneficial to me now but potentially very useful LATER, once the kids are grown and launching from our nest.

What about you? Have you thought about the legacy you want to leave? What kinds of things would you want someone to be able to say about you at your funeral one day?

Are we living in a way that clearly shows who God made us to be and who we are in Him? These kinds of questions are not easy... they force us (wham!) into seeing ourselves as we really are. But it's what the Bible encourages us to do-- to think of ourselves with sober judgment-- truthfully evaluating our lives in the light of Scripture.

"By the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." ~Romans 12:3

Feel free to share in the comments or link to a post on your own blog if you'd rather explore the topic more deeply there. I welcome your thoughts.

*** I reserve the right to edit this as I continue thinking these things through. :)

It's Time.

2011-07-01T08:21:00.006-05:00

It's been long enough. I'm a gal who best analyzes and learns and drives home (to my own brain) what I've learned by writing out my thoughts. This break from regularly writing here at Making Home has been necessary-- while I took time off to go intense with Turkish, and then to have Moses... but I need to be back in the habit of writing regularly. My mind gets all random and unfocused when I'm not regularly writing, and for the last couple years, I've been journaling in written form more...

but I think I need to do that here now.

There are so many thoughts swirling... and I can't say what I'll write here at Making Home in the future, because I don't have a "master plan". But I really intend to just start sharing my Bible studies, and solidifying my thoughts in this way. I've found that I rarely remember to go back and re-read things I've learned in when recorded in journals, and these things get lost and forgotten. Prayers, intentions, moments of insight or conviction, they all get written in longhand and then pass from memory. I don't want that to happen anymore. For some reason, I go back and re-read things here at Making Home. So this is a good place for me to start writing things down.

All of this is just a stream-of-conciousness statement of intent. So you know why the sudden change will take place, and also as a line in the sand for myself.

Feel free to remove me from your RSS feed if this no longer meets what you expect here at Making Home, and feel free to join up and comment even more freely if you want to. I have no idea exactly where this jalopy is headed, but I'm filling up the tank and heading for the open road... I welcome whoever wants to come along.

The Lazy Meme

2011-06-30T19:11:00.005-05:00

The instructions with this are to bold the ones you've done, leave the others in normal type. So here goes. I'm in a meme mood tonight, I guess.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain. (not a full-on mountain, but I've been hiking quite a bit, especially in college)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I would totally do it; Doug thinks I need to wait until the kids are older, so I'm waiting...)
12. Visited Paris (No, but I flew through there once.)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (want to... need to build up to be in better shape for this; maybe in the next 5 years?)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse (can't remember; I think so?)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa (Egypt is in Africa)
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (no, but I've been drawn)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (only the home movie variety-- birthday parties, children being born, etc.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class (only a self-protection class)
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving (would love to do this too... but I'm waiting...)
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (no, but I watched it in Moscow)
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (no, just a photo book, not the same thing at all!)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Several of these I had to ask Doug about, because I couldn't remember! What about you? If you do this "Lazy Meme", sign up & link back here:

Hope you're enjoying a great summer; we sure are!

Contentment

2011-06-15T13:29:00.001-05:00

The character in Hinds' Feet on High Places starts out her allegorical journey with the name "Much Afraid", but after learning to run and leap and jump through the mountain crags all the way up to the heights, meets with her Shepherd who gives her a new name-- "Contentment with Joy". I would love for contentment to be a strong theme of my life; too often, I don't have that attitude.

The other day, I searched for the word "content" through the Bible. Here are some of the more meaningful Scriptures I found:

"Moses was content to dwell with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah." ~Exodus 2:21

"Because he knew no contentment in his belly, he will not let anything in which he delights escape him. There was nothing left after he had eaten; therefore his prosperity will not endure." ~Job 20:20-21

"Do not extort money from anyone by threats or by false accusation, and be content with your wages." ~Luke 3:14

"For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:10

"I have learned in whatever situation I am, to be content." ~Philippians 4:11

"There is great gain in godliness with contentment." ~1 Timothy 6:6

"If we have food and clothing, with these we will be content." ~1 Timothy 6:8

"Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' " Hebrews 13:5

God, help me to be content with both the blessings and challenges You've seen fit to place in my life. Thank you for all that you give us; help me to increase in my gratitude to You.

The Word, Godly Counsel, and Personal Discernment

2011-06-12T19:40:00.011-05:00

Just yesterday, I got an e-mail like many I've received over the years...

Do you think it's OK for a mom to work part-time?
Can my husband and I engage in oral sex?
Is it OK for a Christian couple to watch ____(a particular movie or TV show)____?
Should a Christian couple use birth control? What kinds?
Should we buy a Mac or PC?

OK, I made that last one up.

SEEKING COUNSEL IS WISE, NOT WRONG

Let me say, I understand and affirm the desire to seek counsel and input from people you know or trust. Proverbs says again and again in various ways that it is wise to seek counsel. In life, it is extremely likely that we will encounter situations where we don't initially know what to do, and where Scripture seems to not clearly outline one decision or another. We all reach out and want input when we hit situations or decisions that we feel uncertain about, or that the Bible doesn't explicitly talk about... so I'm not condemning the desire for input, and certainly not pointing the finger at those who have written to me.

But I do want to share some thoughts from the sermon we heard today at church. I think these are helpful ideas as we think about issues of conscience.

CAN I DO THIS?

#1- Listen to God's Word

When we consider if we can do a particular thing, we should always --first-- be counseled by God's Word. Jesus Christ is our master, not men.

The pastor pointed out this morning the two ideas, held in tension, that:

we are under grace, and
a child of God is not free to indulge in sin.

Both are true. We are no longer under the law, and yet we are to have hearts fully submitted to God. Our "law" is love for Christ, and it constrains us to obey Him, and to love others.

#2- Be sensitive to the weaker conscience of other believers.

The second thing he said was to be considerate of the weaknesses of others.

Here is the interesting part of this portion of scripture (Romans 14): throughout this chapter, the one who is free is the stronger brother. The one who is bound by his convictions or conscience is the one who is considered "weaker" in this passage. So if we feel free to wear tank tops, go to public schools, drink wine, send a daughter to college ... basically, indulge in any disputable/non-eternal activity that is not explicitly written in Scripture one way or another... that is fine, but we are not to seek to condemn the constraints/restrictions of another person's convictions.

"By your freedom, don't destroy your brother for whom Christ died."

So if we feel free to watch a particular movie or TV show, that may be fine, but we ought not flaunt that in front of a couple who has very strict boundaries set for themselves in the area of entertainment.

A Few Clarifying Questions:

Finally, he offered these questions for the believer who is evaluating a particular issue or idea.

Does this violate God's commands or God's Word?
Can I offer thanks to God while I do this activity?
Would I do this if Jesus was physically here with me?
Can I do it in faith? (Romans 14 says whatever is not of faith is sin.)

I think these are helpful, clarifying questions. Again, different genuinely Christian couples/individuals may come to different conclusions on the same issue, even with these questions.

The Bible says we will each give an answer to God, that we will each give an account of our lives, so we should not go against our own conscience. Scripture also says that wives are each to submit to their own husbands. So I don't need to submit to your husband's personal convictions, and you don't need to submit to my husband's, but we do each need to submit to our own husbands. This is where it can be problematic offering advice/input openly in a blog or website setting. It's a fine line to try to walk, to be transparent in sharing personal stories or convictions, whilst always upholding the authority of Scripture, and freedom in Christ for others to be constrained by Scripture & the Spirit inside each believer-- not by the words of some random blogger or author.

I love to encourage women to seek God and love Scripture... and am happy to correspond with other women via e-mail... but I pray that my words will never constrain where Scripture frees, or loose where Scripture constrains.

God be with us all as we seek to be discerning, wise women!

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Three

2011-06-06T13:55:00.003-05:00

If you're just starting to read here, you'll want to read Part One and Part Two. This is Part Three of the story of how I decided to stay home with our children; I don't know how many parts there will be- maybe four? five?. It seems to grow longer with each detail I recall... but I'm trying to give enough context to help share about our lives, so that it's not some one-dimensional "life", but the real picture of how things were for us, then.

So, now we're up to Spring 2002. We lived in Washington, D.C. We had our jobs (both great), we had our plans (me continue working), and I was about halfway into my second trimester.

Living the Big Time

I remember one day, the President of Mexico and the Governor of Texas (my boss, at that time) were invited to the White House for a consultation with President Bush about border and trade issues. My boss came in with a smile a few days prior, and said he had 5 invitations to the South lawn of the White House, and would I like to go? So, that day, I stood beside the bandstand, pregnant, grinning, on my feet the whole time. Peering over the crowds, I saw President Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Vice President Cheney, and President Vincente Fox, among others. It seemed that nothing could top this!

Growing Belly

Each day, on my way to and from work, while sitting down on the metro ride into work (because I was showing, someone would almost always offer me their seat), I would crochet one square for the baby blanket I was making.

Doug and I would talk about anything and everything while I stared and worked at my little pastel squares. We didn't find out if it was a boy or girl (it was a boy, Ethan, to the right), so I'd chosen neutral colors. As time progressed, I could sometimes manage one square going, and one square coming back home. I had to complete something like 100 squares, I think.

Doug still gets tickled when he remembers watching me pregnant-waddle my way down the sidewalk to work. After the metro ride in, we'd walk together to a certain corner where we had to split up to get to our work places. I always thought we both just kept walking after that initial goodbye. At one point, he told me he often stopped to watch me walk... not crossing the street right away, but just watching me pregnant-waddle on down the sidewalk. He says it with such affection and adoration that I could never get frustrated about the fact that he used the word "waddle". :)

Making Plans

Like I said, we had made our plans. Doug was applying to grad schools; I was banking up time to take once I had the baby.

Working for the State of Texas gave me fairly good benefits... I had up to twelve weeks off, much of that with pay because I'd saved up my time off. Our plans were logical, and even the timing was good. I had responsibilities tied to the legislative sessions in both TX and DC, and linked to the calendar year (lots of end-of-the-year reporting from Nov-Dec, and year-in-review stuff at the beginning of each year as well) . So I had a heavier work load from October to May... but our baby was due in late June, so my maternity leave would come at a perfect time.

We knew that initially, Doug would be able to stay with the baby, but if he got accepted into graduate school, we'd have to find a day care or work out some kind of childcare/nanny situation.

Reality Hits

And then, one day, while Doug & I were talking, it just came out-- suddenly-- surprising us both with the force with which I felt it. Basically: "I can't keep working! I don't want to miss our baby's first steps... have him or her smile and do cute things at someone else all day long while I have a one-dimensional picture on my desk... have his or her cries go unanswered or artificially pacified... I don't want someone else to know my baby the way I'm meant to.
Twelve weeks off can't possibly be enough time! I'm the one who should be there... snuggling, reading to him or her, telling them "night-night", the first face they see when they wake up from a nap, able to pick them up when they cry, give them my affection, and pass on our values... I don't want to miss these things! God made mothers to be there with and for their children. I can't keep working, Doug."

And God bless him, he listened. I know some husbands don't. I know some people (men and women alike) pass these sorts of feelings off as emotional, prenatal, post-natal, hormonal, or what not. Maybe you think that of me... and that's fine, I don't care. The thing I love is that he listened.

His response to me? "Okay. We'll make that happen."

Thank God for that response, and for this man! Our whole family is the better for the way Doug listened to my heart as a woman, as a mother, and as his wife, and the way, from that moment on, he led our family into (what was then) the unknown.

(Click to read: PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Part of the Family

2011-05-21T11:30:00.007-05:00

This morning, I watched "A Walk in the Clouds" (starring Keanu Reeves & Anthony Quinn), and am struck by the beauty of the story.

A man who grew up as an orphan, without family, history, or a future, unintentionally and under a poorly-planned ruse comes into a family. The family is not perfect... there is sometimes fighting, sometimes the pain of wounding one another... but there is history, there is love, and there is a future.

Over time, this orphan who came into this family without the intent to stay, WANTS to stay. He desperately longs to be a part of the family. The way the older grandpa gives him encouragement, takes him under his wings, and explains family traditions... the way he finds love and roots... these things draw his heart to want to be a part of the family even though he has no right, and no claim to be a real member of the family.

Eventually, love and commitment draw him, plant him, and keep him in this new family. He wants to be in, and the family wants him in. Though he doesn't understand all the customs, he wants to. Though he has no money, no experience, no tangible *benefit* to bring, he brings his hopes and dreams and is planted as a member of the real family. Their roots (the vineyard/grape roots) become his roots; their story and hope becomes his story and hope. He embraces them, and they embrace him.

I was moved to tears so many times during this movie. The last time I watched it, I cried because of the ache of wanting the two love interests to end up together. This time, I cried because of the beautiful love of Christ.

He draws us in as orphans, without history, without a hope, without a future, and plants us as part of HIS vineyard. Though we bring nothing of tangible value, He calls us his own and says we ARE valuable. Our roots are planted in Him and by Him, we live.

This story also makes me want to be like the Anthony Quinn figure... someone who welcomes in the lost orphan... the person without a "home" or family... the person who doesn't understand things like baptism, sanctification, or the Lord's Supper. It makes me want to grow to be the kind of person who offers this love, and these roots to anyone who seeks. Even if they don't intend to become a part of the family, I pray that the love that I offer might be used by God to make them want to plant their lives in Christ. God, help me to become this kind of loving, welcoming person.

Deciding to Stay Home, Part Two

2011-05-07T23:37:00.006-05:00

{Click here to read Part One}

... So, there we were, newly married & living large in the center of the free world. I had a job I could not have even dreamed up, full of variety and opportunities for learning & growth in the area I was passionate about: politics. Doug got a not-so-very-exciting job checking coats in the cloakrooms of the National Gallery of Art, but it was still very exciting, because -- for crying out loud!-- he was working at the National Gallery of Art, surrounded by Rembrandt, Calder, Monet, Rothko, van Gogh, and whenever we wanted we could just browse through and go see my favorite painting in the world... "Repose" by John Singer Sargent.

Did you click on that link? Isn't it lovely? So relaxing...

Anyway, it was a great time in our lives. We shopped at Trader Joes in Old Town Alexandria, walked two miles a day getting to and from the metro, and generally had a blast together. What a great place to be when you're a carefree, happily-in-love couple on a relatively tight budget (yes, I made good money for a recent college grad, but it's still DC, and things were tight). We took in the sights, enjoyed the cherry blossoms, and life was a joyful blur lived alongside one another.

We still look back to that time together as a time that strengthened our relationship. When we wanted entertainment (mind you, this was before the 2-laptop, each with their own ipad & iphone, texting and typing in the same room, family model), we pulled out a deck of cards and played canasta whilst downing Tostitos and absurd amounts of guacamole. When we needed to talk, we turned to each other. When we wanted a laugh, we laughed together. When we had a problem, we worked through it together. That time of togetherness taught us to turn to one another, rather than outside of our relationship, when we had a need, or wanted to share something important.

THE DAY WE ALL REMEMBER

One day, roughly six months after we'd moved to DC, we'd each gone to work and I was taking in the morning's news before beginning my day. Sitting at my desk, I heard the news that shook all of America -- that a plane had hit a building in NYC. I immediately called Doug and told him the news, and maybe instinctively, we reminded each other of the place where we'd said we'd meet in case anything ever went bad in DC.

I was watching the TV as the 2nd plane hit, and I just knew. We all did. When I tried to call Doug again, the lines were jammed. There was no getting through at that point, and I was so glad we had talked just minutes before. After the initial shock wore off, we realized that there was no way we would be working through that day. At some point, everyone in the office started gathering belongings and saying gentle, heartfelt goodbyes... we all felt so tender toward, and protective of, one another on that day.

A couple of the men who lived out near where we did, in Alexandria, decided to drive home with our boss (not the woman I told you about last time; she had moved over to the Dept. of Education at this point, and so this was her replacement-- a really nice man), who had driven in that morning. Knowing that we'd ridden the metro that morning (one of the stops on our line was the Pentagon, so we knew we'd not be getting home the same way we'd come), he offered the two extra seats in his car to Doug & I, and I explained that we'd need to go get him at the corner where he & I had pre-arranged to meet.

When we got out of the parking garage, it was chaos... just like a movie. Cars weaving through every which way, traffic laws ignored, bicycles cutting across, and horns blaring. It was an eerie thing, and I was so concerned; there was no way we were going to get to Doug. Just as I was sitting there worrying, one of my co-workers, Todd, said, "Hey, doesn't Doug have a yellow backpack?" I looked where he was looking, and sure enough-- there was Doug, with his backpack, fighting through traffic lanes against the flow of people walking away from the Capitol. He hopped in the car, and we were so thankful to be together, in the middle of all the chaos.

We eventually turned onto the road that passes just in front of the Capitol, and just about then was when the radio announcers began talking about a 4th plane that was still up in the air and seemed headed for D.C. It was frightening to be in that place at that time. We passed the Navy Yards, where, for the first time in my life, I saw soldiers with their fingers on the triggers of machine guns-- ready to protect and defend. It all seemed so shocking, so vivid.

A bit later, as we turned onto a major road and came up out of the buildings, we saw the smoke. That drive home... only about 15 miles... took 5 hours that day. And the smoke was there every minute, rising up from the Pentagon, reminding us of what we could not stop replaying in our minds... there had been an attack. We hung on the radio announcer's every word, and then, finally, when we got home, I think it was mid- to late-afternoon by that point, we turned on the TV. Doug saw, for the first time, what we were all so horrified about. He just hadn't fathomed how huge the holes were in the Twin Towers. And then, like the rest of you, from that time on, we were riveted by these things as we watched on TV.

MORE BIG NEWS

After that day, our personal lives changed as well... two or three short weeks after September 11th, I became pregnant with our son Ethan, who is now almost 9 years old.

We told my mom and our families almost immediately... but I didn't want to tell my co-workers for a while, and so we didn't. I had heard so many stories about women who lost job opportunities because of maternity leave, etc., and so I didn't want to raise the issue until more time had passed, until I could hide it no longer. I was personally excited -- so excited to be on my way to motherhood-- but felt professionally cautious. So October passed, and November, and December, and still, they didn't know. Sometime in January or February, when I was-- I think-- around 20 weeks along, I told my boss, and he was shocked. And then the cat was out of the bag to everyone. Which was great, because shortly thereafter, I went from losing weight to having a clearly growing belly. :)

Doug & I talked through our options and decided that the sensible thing to do was for me to keep working, since my job was so incredibly fulfilling, had the potential to launch me into incredible heights, and since --practically-- I was bringing home the bacon. Doug had finished up his last few college credits at a community college there, while working 25-30 hours per week at the National Gallery. His job was more supplemental income than foundational, at that point.

So we came to the conclusion that I would take my maternity leave, and then continue working, and he would be able to paint and work on his portfolio to get ready to apply for his MFA in painting, while caring for our baby and bringing him/her (we didn't find out with our first pregnancy) up to nurse, etc. It seemed like the perfect plan...

(Click to read: PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Deciding to Stay Home, Part One

2011-05-03T09:21:00.004-05:00

It's not often that I write solely biography-type posts. But this one is that, fully our story. It's our story of who we were, and how I became a stay-home mom.

COLLEGE GIRL

Long ago (well, 12 years ago), in a country (the US) far from the one where I have lived these last 4 years, I was in college, and things were going well. I'd applied for, and been granted, an internship in the office of then-Governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee. And I was our Sophomore Class President, known on campus as the gal to talk to to get things done. I was ambitious and excited about the future, dreaming of running state and local campaigns in the short-run, and being a U.S. Senator in the long-run. I had a plan for how the future would go, and it all started right in the spot I was sitting, as an intern for this up-and-coming Republican Governor.

POLITICAL INTERN

That Spring ('99), I'd wake up early, get over to the school cafeteria for breakfast with a friend of mine, and hightail it to Little Rock for my internship a few days each week. Little did I know that there, at that cafeteria table, intimidated by my suits & heels, was my future husband.

Doug was quiet and reserved, & sat by his old youth group friend Erica, a good friend of mine. But he always sat several spots down at the table, and quite literally said nothing that I can remember, so I had no idea who he was. I think I had a vague inkling that he knew my friend, but that was the extent of things between us.

During that semester, I met then-Senator Blanche Lincoln, monitored committees for the Governor's office (including one that had Jim Bob Duggar as a committee member-- even then, with something like 7 or 9 kids, he was an attention-getter amongst staffers and lobbyists in the Capitol Building), and to be honest, I just knew I was going places.

I met the Governor a couple of times, but primarily, my function there was keeping tabs on committee happenings, and occasionally writing and editing briefing papers. That semester solidified my commitment to my third (and final) college major: political science. (I'd started out as a Vocal Performance major, spent a semester or two as an English major, and settled on Political Science during that Soph. year... why do they make us declare so early?)

DATING DOUG

The next year, Doug & I went to Wal-Mart at the start of the year with Erica (my roommate that year) to stock up on supplies for our dorm room. As we sat in the back of the car chit-chatting, I learned that he drove a VW (which delighted me), that he was wry & hilarious, and he learned that I wasn't an uppity girl in suits, noted that I liked to dance (and that he liked the way I danced), and we spent time laughing together. The next day or two, I saw him memorizing Scripture on a bench on campus and found myself even more drawn to him. In the weeks that followed, we had a blast getting to know each other as friends.

[There is a side-tangent I could go on about a long-distance dating relationship I ditched shortly into knowing Doug, but for the sake of the main point of this story, let's keep going.]

During the Fall, we became inseparable. I'd never been able to stand any guy for even 2 months, and yet with Doug, I couldn't get enough... I never wanted to be apart from him! Soon, we realized we both felt the same way, and so we got engaged in the Spring, and set our wedding for that Fall (2000).

MARRIED, WORKING GIRL

It worked out for me to graduate a semester early, and so I graduated in December, just 2 months after our wedding, and I spent the Spring of what would have been my Senior year working for the 2001 AR legislature as a committee staffer. During those months, I heard former President Bill Clinton speak in the Arkansas Statehouse (regardless of politics, he & Huckabee are two of the most dynamic speakers I've ever encountered!), and Doug & I began tossing around the idea of moving to Washington, DC.

He was finishing up a degree in Art, with a focus on painting, and I was going great guns in the political sphere. What better place to combine the two, we thought, but Washington, D.C.? Soon enough, with the help of a very-politically-active relative of Doug's, and my sharp editing skills, I'd put together my resume & a few dozen cover letters, and had a great list of leads for my job hunt. Essentially, the plan was this:

Blanket the Hill in DC with resumes
I'd get a job that would cover the bills enough for us to move up there by summer
Doug finish up his remaining half-dozen or so class hours in the DC area, while working any old job he could find
I could move up the political food-chain, he could go to grad school

So we sent out the resumes, and I flew up to DC for a weekend. After about a dozen interviews with various congressional and political affairs offices, and one call-back interview, I received a few job offers. One job offer was to do routine mail responses for a Senator (i.e., write "happy Birthday" letters to constituents), another was for doing legislative research for briefings for a Congressman.

But from the place where I'd had the call-back interview, I got a job offer that knocked my socks off. Because many top Texas political workers had transitioned into working in the Bush White House, there was a huge gap in the Texas intergovernmental affairs office located there in DC. I'd applied there for an entry-level political issues job, where I would monitor issues on the Hill & report back to various Texas agencies. Instead, after seeing my writing & editing skills (thank you, former-English major classes!), she offered for me to come in as the Associate Director of the office, the #2 slot! Not only that, but I'd have variety-- be doing a little bit of everything... monitoring political issues, overseeing office affairs, hiring & firing, writing & editing all official communications, and serving as her assistant and advisor. The woman who gave me this amazing opportunity would later become the Assistant Secretary of Education for President Bush.

It was surreal. This was no entry-level job. My starting salary was more than double that of the other jobs I was offered, I had an office 2 blocks from the Capitol building, and a full wall of windows that overlooked a grassy area. We secured an apartment near to the metro line, I had an incredible job in DC, and the future looked bright.

...to be continued.

(Click to read: PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FOUR, PART FIVE.)

Whatever's on my mind...

2011-04-26T21:49:00.008-05:00

We've had a slew of things happen in the last month or so to keep me offline, from coming back to Texas, to getting settled (and all that that entails), to meeting up with friends old and new, to the 7+ day saga of getting our computer gutted and back in the saddle, to, well, the beautiful blue sky and green grass of Texas beckoning us to come out and play, go for walks, picnics, and take pictures. :)

But I'm back, anyway. And my thoughts are swirling... here's a few samplings of the things on my mind:

How God leads us. Sometimes we sense a very clear "DO THIS!" about a particular decision or specific direction in life. I felt this way about where to attend college, moving overseas, and homeschooling. Other times it seems that God gives us a wide open road with several options. I don't know how it all works out... I trust that He is sovereign, and that He knows all, and that He guides His children. Sometimes it just boils down to trusting Him and taking the next step.
Can't believe Moses is 9 months old! Seems like he was just born. Sounds cliche, but I guess it feels this way no matter how many times you experience it.
Food here doesn't taste as good to me as I expected it to. Granted, I'm still eating it, but it's just not as "WOW" as I thought every blissful bite would be. Maybe it's because I've cooked from scratch now for nearly 5 years and my tastebuds have adjusted to fresh foods? But jarred-sauces (even the fancy-sounding ones) just can't compare to fresh chopped tomatoes, garlic, and basil... and open-pop-biscuits are nowhere near as fabulous as homemade cream biscuits. Still, I was looking forward to all of these flavors, and so far the only ones that have lived up to my expectations have been Blue Bell, Chipotle, and Red Robin.
Oh how I love the library! Free! Just a few blocks away! Books everywhere! And even DVDs! I'm enjoying taking the kids a couple times each week.
The No-S Diet is still going great. I'm down 3 pounds from what I was a couple weeks ago. On average, now that I'm not just holding my weight (like I did while I was in just-arrived-back-in-TX-eat-everything-delicious-that-you-possibly-can mode) I'm losing about 1 pound per week. More than that, I'm noticing that my personal self-control has grown, and that I'm really, honestly, content with how much (how little?) I'm eating now. I eat good-sized meals throughout the week, and enjoy treats on the weekends. It's simple, and makes good sense. As I've said before, I hope to eat like this the rest of my life. I feel like I have a healthier attitude towards food & sweets than I've ever had before (and I've never been one with an eating disorder, etc., just never exercised much self-control in this area). This feels great.
Couponing is incredible. INCREDIBLE! It is crazy how inexpensively we can feed our family here, and how conveniently... now, I will say, I'm having to be more intentional about eating well, because of the difference in the quality of produce... but the toiletries, convenience foods, and disposable goods that we can get for a fraction of the cost is amazing. I'm following "CouponMom"'s system (free), and greatly enjoying the benefits.
I'm currently reading Wendy Shalit's "Girls Gone Mild"... what a thought-provoking, culture-exposing book! Her thoughts on how the current sexual climate among college students & young professionals works (or rather, doesn't work) knocks some heavy blows to the ideas of feminism and "liberation". Have you read it?
Monogamy is so incredibly freeing. Reading the book I just mentioned has just made me all the more thankful for a joyful, safe, and fun marriage bed! What a headache to constantly fret and wonder about presenting oneself in the best light, worrying about sexual issues (STDs, birth control, how to do x to satisfy your new lover, etc.), and more. How freeing and wonderful to be in a love relationship, walking side by side, where each romantic encounter is somehow different and unique and yet familiar and comforting! How precious it is to be in a God-centered marriage!

I anticipate that I'll be back to writing again soon- more than just the "7 Quick Takes" variety I've been doing lately-- as there are lots of thoughts swirling right now. Anything on your mind?

Doug's Brush With Fame: Chris Farley

2011-04-13T15:05:00.010-05:00

I'm just sharing this, more to document the memory than anything else. I just finished The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in Three Acts this afternoon, and asked my husband about his opportunity to meet Chris Farley nearly 15 years ago. Here's what he shared:

We were all invited to Planet Hollywood in Dallas as high school newspaper writers for a morning interview session. Maybe 20 or 30 schools were represented. This would've been my senior year, so either winter 1996 or spring 1997. The event was to promote the release of his new movie, "Beverly Hills Ninja". As he came out, we all stood in a greeting line and I shook his hand.

He seemed like he was buzzed if not drunk during the event. Over the span of half an hour, most of us had a chance to ask at least one question.

When I raised my hand, he referred to me (because I had spiky hair and bead necklaces) as, "yeah, the guy who looks like he's from the Violent Femmes". I've actually never looked into what they look like, so I don't even know if that's accurate. I asked him,

"As all of us are big fans of yours, we're concerned about your health. How have you been feeling lately?"

He laughed and replied, "Aside from the sharp pains running up and down my arms, I feel fine." He got a laugh, and moved onto the next question.

He died less than a year later.

When my brother Aaron and I were in high school, he was obsessed with Tommy Boy. Our parents both worked, and so we had our afternoons free after school to do or watch what we pleased. I have most of Tommy Boy memorized because we must've watched it 50 or 100 times together in those afternoons.

Reading the biography of Farley's life made me so sad for the loss of the delightful spirit he brought to life. Though he was raised a Catholic and continued to attend mass and express faith until his death, his superstitions also left him confused [Note of clarification: I am not equating superstitions with Catholicism. He had a myriad number of personal superstitions, like needing shoes to be lined up, and touching certain furniture pieces, and seemed unable to function if certain things weren't done the way he thought they had to be done.]. Though he loved his parents and brothers, he kept reaching out and seeking love from others, and never felt that he found it. Such a sad end to a man who had such great potential.

7 Quick Takes Friday - #20

2011-04-07T22:21:00.001-05:00

Well, well, well... it's Springtime in Texas, and I love it! Here are my quick takes for this week:

Coupons! I've been having so much fun saving mega bucks on our groceries. Maybe I'm going a bit overboard because I haven't been here basically for about 5 years, but I'm CVS-ing and Walgreen-ing and Kroger-ing. A friend of mine adopted a baby last week and needed formula coupons and I was able to send her a bundle! It's been way fun to have such an easy outlet for saving money!
On the flip side, the produce here is very disappointing. Even farmer's market produce, although it's better than I'm seeing in the grocery stores. Seriously, the mandarins here look like something fake is sprayed inside of them- they're a weird color. The avocados don't ripen the right way. The tomatoes are mushy. The apples are waxy. And the bananas taste fake. I'm kind of grossed out, yet still wanting to keep our norms of eating plenty of fresh fruits and veggies.

Makes me want to start my own Victory garden, except we'll not be here in future years to do anything with it, and I really already missed planting season. I do have a basil and rosemary in my kitchen window, though.
CashFlow the game is super fun! (But, wowzers, it's expensive on Amazon!) We bought it years ago, back when we were landlords, before we sold all of our properties and moved abroad. We dug it out from storage this week and have been playing with the kids.
Yesterday we went to the Amon Carter museum in Fort Worth and viewed their collections (free!) and picnicked afterwards. The Hudson River School collection was by far my favorite. Our sons definitely preferred the paintings and sculptures of cowboys and Indians.
Bluebonnets are in full bloom, and we need to do our pictures! This is likely our only chance for bluebonnet pictures in years... we may try today.
A few days ago, Ethan said, "I wish __(friend #1 in Turkey)___, ____(friend #2 in Turkey)___, and ___(friend #3 in Turkey)___ lived here. Then our circle of friends would be complete!" It's hard having part of your life on one side of the globe, and part of your life on the other. No matter how old you are.
Gulp, this one's hard to admit. I like the kind of mom I am here, better than the mom I am overseas. The stress levels-- in big and small ways-- are much, much lower. The "norms" of life are norms that I know... as in, I know where the freebies are; I know what the fun things to do are with kids, and where to find them; I know what it's like to grow up here and look forward to sharing those things with my kids here; I remember the tasty treats I loved and can offer those same things to my kids. I know those are all small, sideline things... but they're real, and it's hard to watch the sands of time slipping by and see evidence of the things we're missing (like, I never thought my sons wouldn't experience Texas little league baseball!). *sigh*

Well, that's this week's 7 Quick Takes. Thoughts? What's going on in your world?

7 Quick Takes Friday - #19

2011-03-25T09:18:00.006-05:00

7 Quick Takes-- let's go.

"Back in the U.S.S.A!" And more specifically, Texas. Yup, we're back. Loving things like family, seeing my kids play at parks I played at as a kid, Chipotle, the big beautiful sky, and virtually no traffic. It's nice being home.
I dubbed yesterday "Thrift Store Thursday," and we foundsome awesome deals. Thrift stores are so amazing. We stocked up on summer clothes, Fisher Price toys, baseball equipment, and books, and spent in total what would have spent on just three pieces of the clothing that we got (slacks, khakis, and khaki shorts for my husband). I love good deals.
And Thrift Store Thursday was followed up by... a trip to the ER! Yikes. Poor little Silas, he's my ER guy, I guess. He got stitches last January, and last night he got dermabonded. I knew that's what they'd need to do, but I just lacked the confidence. After watching it be done, I feel like I could do it in a pinch. Reminds me of my oldest son asking me, "mom, did you go to medical school before I was born?" Of course, I replied with a giggle, "no, why?" "Because you seem to know so much stuff about sickness and how to take care of people when they're hurt." Yup, that's what motherhood teaches you, my son. :)
Speaking of conversations with my oldest son, on Monday or Tuesday after their first time to church in America, Ethan said, "Mom, church here is really different from our church in Turkey." I asked him what specifically he noticed, and he said, "like, in our house church, we know everybody. But you can't know everybody in a church that big. And, sometimes, I feel like we're part of a small number of Christians, but being in that big church, it felt like there are so many other people who are Christians too!" Interesting observations. It is wild to watch our kids grow up so differently from how we did.
Sorry I haven't been blogging, doing the "Five-A-Month" goals I began doing at the beginning of the year, or even responding to e-mails much. I may be hit or miss for a while with computer stuff... we're just really trying to soak up all the wonderful things we've missed.
Four years is a long time. People who were single are now married. People who had toddlers/babies have school kids. Some people who were elementary age are now approaching or in high school. It's weird. Good weird, but weird. Keeping up through Facebook helped. But it's still weird.
Gotta go make a picnic lunch. I think we're going to take our bunch to the Dallas Farmer's Market & hit Dealey plaza for a picnic lunch today. Ethan & I have watched video and theorized about the JFK assassination for a couple years now (he saw me reading about it and is interested in history, so yeah, he knows quite a lot about it)... so now we're off to see the real place for his first time. Should be fun.
ETA: Didn't think of this earlier, can't believe I didn't mention it... you would not BELIEVE the flights we had. 2 hours before we were set to head to the airport, Silas woke up crying and then promptly threw up on me. That continued for several hours. Pretty soon, Maranatha was throwing up too. They each threw up at least 10 times. Then Baxter. And then, just as we made it to Texas and had our little ones in the stroller, ready to go get our bags, Ethan lost his lunch too. It was totally disgusting- the steward brought me a stack of those throw-up bags, and we used nearly the whole stack. And yet, somehow I honestly felt cheerful and strengthened through the whole trip. Only God could do such a thing, because it was flat out gross. OK, all for now. Just needed to share that. :)

Thoughts? How are you all doing? If you've written me an e-mail I will respond at some point... it just may be a while before I have mental space to sit in front of this computer for very long. Blessings to you all...

7 Quick Takes Friday - #18

2011-03-11T13:08:00.004-06:00

Here we go- fast and furious "7 Quick Takes" this week...

Moving our stuff from our house into a warehouse to be stored while we're in the US- done! Phew! I'm so thankful it's all done. Th
All our bags are packed, we're ready to go! Not telling when our flights are... a wise bloggy friend (Attic24) reminded us of that a few months ago. Don't let the whole world, including strangers, know your travel plans. So sometime semi-soon we'll be heading out and seeing family and friends! Can't wait!!!
Gorusuruz, Turkiye! I hope I get a chance to practice Turkish from time to time in the US... I've worked too hard learning it to have it all whittled away in a matter of months.
While Doug was overseeing the move and visiting various offices, getting utilities turned off and such the last 2 days, I spent the days with the kids in a guest flat. Since there were "new to them" toys here (thanks, guest flat people!), I read Nicholas Sparks' book, A Walk To Remember. He says in the beginning that "first you'll smile, then you'll cry. Don't say I didn't warn you." I think I barely smiled once... I definitely did not cry. What a let down. Sorry if you liked it, but it seemed very predictable and flat to me.
Food. Food, food, food, food, food. It's the biggest thing (behind family & friends) that we miss about the States. Chipotle, Chick-Fil-A, Pappadeaux, Jason's Deli, Burger Street, Dickey's BBQ, Pappasitos.... mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm! Did you know that Texas has some of the fattest cities in America? And the reason is very clear. We've got the best food there. Self-control falls flat on its face in the presence of such delicious food. I'm hoping the "No S Diet" has helped me be more disciplined in that area, so I don't gain 793 pounds during our time in Texas.
Cloth diapers. Don't know if I've mentioned it here, yet, but I did give cloth diapers a slight whirl with Moses, and it just never "took". I just don't have time and dedication anymore. I did with Maranatha, did with Silas, and just don't have it anymore. So now I'm using disposables without any guilt. Just wanted to mention that in case anyone out there remembered my old articles about it. I've never been militant about it, but even still, I try to be transparent here so there it is.
And did I mention food? Cheddar cheese, corn tortillas, peanut butter, A&W root beer, beef you can actually afford to buy, breakfast sausage, good sandwich breads... all of these are things I really, really miss. Not only are we going to enjoy our meals out while in America, but I'm going to enjoy cooking our meals IN.

So there's my week. How was yours?

7 Quick Takes Friday - #17

2011-03-05T08:43:00.005-06:00

Let's get this 7 Quick Takes going.

Sorry I'm late to the party this week, posting my "7 Quick Takes FRIDAY" on Saturday. The country I live in blocked blogger for a while. I still can't access blogspot to actually tell what this post looks like. I can't even check through my feedreader to know if I've posted any of these pictures before. [ETA: Well, apparently, it won't let me post pictures at all. Oh well. These things happen from time to time when you live overseas.
We're packing, packing, packing. We're up to 48 boxes, and still going... Doug is being awesome this go-round and we're actually making a master list of what all is in each box, numbering each box, etc. Packing is not super-fun, but I'm having visions of unpacking perfectly sorted things, not having extra junk/stuff, and I like that idea. Sounds pretty great, in fact.
I've never had to feed this many people while packing up a house before. It's kind of tricky, keeping out just enough to keep the kitchen going, while packing up all those things like serving platters and glass bakingware that have to be packed oh-so-carefully.
Canasta. I love it, and totally forgot about it. We played a lightning round this morning to pass the time before hitting the packing, and it was superfun. Do you like Canasta? Other card games you love? I like that it's highly portable.
Love this quote from Gary Thomas' book "Sacred Parenting":
I told one group of men that I wished I could start parenting now, at age forty-one. I feel more mature at this point, more settled in my career with a better perspective to begin parenting than when Allison was born to me at the age of twenty-five.

But here's the rub: What helped me to become more mature? What has given me a better perspective? What has worked on my character over the past decade and a half?

Raising my kids!

I wouldn't be the man I am if I hadn't raised [our kids].
And this one, a page later, from the same book:

God has created an institution-- the family-- through which He can shape, mold, and form all of us, parents included. We come into the family as imperfect people, and sin against each other every day; yet through rubbing shoulders and learning to ask for, and offer, forgiveness, we all come out the richer for taking part in this sometimes painful process.
God adores your kids, *but He is also crazy about you*. You're His much-loved son or daughter. He has a direct interest in your care and your spiritual growth, and He sees your kids as valuable teachers and prophets to that end.
I shared this conversation on Facebook, and thought I'd go ahead and share it here too-- between my nearly-3 year old son, and my 4 year old daughter:
Silas: "I want to go seep."
Me: "You want to go to sleep?"
Silas: "No, I want to go seep."
Maranatha: "A sheep is eating you?"
Silas: "No, I want to go seep. Under table."
Me: "Oh! You want to go sweep?"
Silas: "Yes, under table."

:) So there's a quick take of my week. How was yours?

7 Quick Takes Friday - #16

2011-02-25T01:55:00.009-06:00

Here's my 7 Quick Takes for this Friday, February 25th. I'll share more pics of the last 9 months, while I'm at it...

HOMEWARD BOUND. It's interesting to be heading back to Texas. There is a bittersweetness about leaving here several months earlier than we'd planned. I'd hoped to get a little more language under my belt before returning home for a visit. I only recently stopped having "I-hate-it-here-we-should-move-back-to-Texas" moments every 6-months or so... in fact, I have even grown to enjoy living here over the last 12-18 months. So there's a weird sense of it being both wonderful and a (teeny) bit sad. Of course, we're VERY excited to see family, so that will be awesome.

Plans for our time in the US- As I think of what we'll do with our 9 months in the US, we have all kinds of do-able and potentially wild ideas. I'm thinking of getting an Entertainment book. We're also looking forward to getting great homegrown meats, cheeses and other treats to enjoy during our time there. We're considering Six Flags season passes for us & the boys. There's talk of a round-the-country Amtrak trip. On that one, I can't decide if it'll be awesome, or if we're nuts. And I'm not far from joking when I say that within the first 36-hours or so, I plan to buy a 2-pound block of cheddar cheese, and that our family could consume the whole thing in about 3-minutes flat. Our oldest son said the other day, "let's make a deal that we have to eat bacon in some form every single day while we're there." :) Maybe not every day, LOL! ... but often. There are some treats that leave me just about salivating... this is what 4-years of deprivation does to a person, LOL.
Friendships overseas are different (even if it's with other Americans!). Tomorrow, we'll reconnect with a family we were very close to (and churched with) for more than a year here. They're passing through, and it will be special to see them. One thing I've noticed with friendships overseas is that it seems like they are in a constant state of flux. It seems like just about the time we get close to someone, they (or we) have to move. And then, because we live in somewhat of a transit/intermediate city, there are people who pass through that we see very irregularly, but get to host in our home for whatever time they get to stay.

There are more ebbs and flows to relationships overseas, and it has taken some getting used to on my part. I really miss the long-standing, steady, dependable nature of relationships that I had in Texas, but there are moments of depth and really spending time together here (for example, hosting people, even entire families, in our home for several days or longer) that we never had in the US. And it teaches you to go deep, quickly, if you really want to know someone, and to make good use of your time together.

Moses is eating more, and doing more, than I remember any of our other children doing at this age. Walking around furniture, waving bye-bye, doing sign-language for all done, eating 2 bananas (or 7 food cubes!) at a sitting... he's a little miracle! I love him so much...
I said this to a friend the other day, and she laughed at me, but it's really true: from our vantage, it doesn't seem like we have a crazy amount of children. It doesn't feel anything other than normal. Granted, our normal is different from other people's normal, but really... it doesn't feel excessive. In fact, we rather like it. I love that our kids have playmates at the ready. I love that when I pull out a book, or am teaching a concept to a younger child, the older children who have already done that thing or read that book, get all happy about it and encourage their younger sibling. I love that we have a family culture... ours includes tickling (requested by the kids!), Cosbys, memorizing scripture passages together, goofiness, cooking together, family-hide-and-go-seek, and more... but it's fun to have things like this to share with so many people. Yes, I know that these 4 boys will probably eat us out of house and home come 10 years from now, and yes, I know that we'll have to be more creative about how to get these kids to college, but I love our family.

I guess I'm just sharing this for some random woman out there, who has some "different" or unique desires for your family... maybe it includes more kids than normal, or homeschooling, or foster-parenting, or something else that seems unusual from the outside... I just want to encourage you that different can be really good. Really great, actually.

Do you know about Sir Ken Robinson? This talk by him, called "The Element", gave Doug & I a lot of food for thought... both for *us* and for how to guide our children as they move towards adulthood. I particularly loved the video (included in his talk) by Blue Man Group. The talk is about a variety of things, including educational systems, the joy of being "in your element", and how we learn. I've been thinking lately about the differences in culture and lives that caused the pioneer era to produce a rash of inventors and creative thinkers, vs. how kids are currently being educated (like the Blue Man Group guy says, like a train of empty cars that we just "fill up" and then move down the track). Anyway, lots of interesting thoughts were flying after listening to that lecture.
A few interesting links/posts on various topics:

Embracing motherhood.
Here's a GREAT post by Catherine that sums up a lot about how our culture views family.
Another post about day care, since my mention of it a few weeks ago caused such a stir.
Have you been reading this love story? While it's very long, their story shows God's sovereign hand, and I think it also highlights many of my concerns with overbearing, controlling parents.
What makes a house a HOME?
Write an anti-Psalm. What an interesting way to really see the meaning of a psalm.

ENJOY! Have a great weekend!

~Jess

7 Quick Takes Friday - #15

2011-02-18T00:27:00.009-06:00

Gotta make this quick, lots to do!

After the mold problem, and hitting many different dead ends, we decided that instead of committing to an apartment and paying rent on it while we're gone, we'd rather head back to the US a bit earlier than we'd planned. So, we'll be heading back in March, just a matter of weeks! Wahoo! We're all excited to see family & friends, to partake of all the delicious foods Texas has to offer, and see that wide open sky... with lots and lots of grassy fields... once again.

(By the way, I did get all of our family favorite recipes posted, so if you're interested, check them out!)
Praying with our eyes open. The other day, we got together with a large group of friends and while we were praying for each other, I (of course) had my eyes open, watching Moses since he's now in full "get-into-everything" mode. As I watched him, I noticed that the two other moms of little ones were the only other people in the room with their eyes open as well. It seemed to me to be a very good analogy for this season of life... praying with our eyes open. Seeing the everyday, physical things of life around us while trying to keep mentally focused on eternal, Godward things. Moms of little ones, praying with our eyes open. (I suppose here is where I ruin the analogy though, and admit that I've never really liked closing my eyes during prayer, LOL.)
Packing up a house isn't a fun thing to do. But I do think it's easier, having sorted and purged regularly-- since we've moved so many times in the last 5 years-- than it would be if we were just doing it for the first time in. Do you sort & purge regularly? It's becoming a way of life for me.
No S Diet. Sometimes I'm getting discouraged these days, but the other day, I weighed myself and noticed I'm down a bit more. I can't quite remember anymore where I started, but I think I've lost a couple pounds in the last couple weeks. I am noticing huge differences in my amount of self-control, and my cravings for sweet things. I just don't WANT sweets so bad these days... whereas (have I already shared this?), I often normally feel just like Chris Farley in this old SNL skit.
Style. Culture. "The Latest". Though I love Project Runway & What Not To Wear, I'm not personally a fashion person, but ya know, we've been out of America for basically 5 years, give or take (we were back for 7 months in 2007). So I need your help. Anything you want to share? I finally looked up a Larry King interview with Lady Gaga so I'd know who she is. And it seems like 80's fashion is coming back in style (can I say "yuck!"?). Anything I need to know? Any new things in American culture you want to tell me about so I don't feel so out of sorts?
I've been wanting to write a few posts lately, and just don't have time- one about how Doug & I came to the decision of me staying at home, even while I was working at a dream job in Washington D.C., another about how to help young kids do well in travel situations (boy have we had experience with that!). I also am remembering that I still need to write up my labor experiences with the last 3 kiddos (sorry I didn't get those written up in time for some of you who live overseas and requested that I do that last year!). One is already half typed up, and I just need to finish it up. Anything else you might put on my suggested writing list? I'm thinking that while in the States, I may have little pockets of times with not much to do. (Maybe that's a fantasy dream-world; I've never lived there with 5 kids, ha!)
Love, love, LOVE this song! We've all been dancing (even Moses, he bounces up and down on his little hands, ha!) to this song the last week or two. Lecrae is one of our family favorites!

7 Quick Takes Friday - #14

2011-02-10T12:52:00.012-06:00

Ready for 7 Quick Takes? Here we go...

(this post also contains random photos from the last 9 months. Hope you like them.)

Moses ate TWO WHOLE bananas for dinner tonight. Normal, good-sized bananas. And he'll only be 7 months old tomorrow. Isn't that nuts? Who eats this much at 7 months old?

I finished Stepping Heavenward a few days ago, and decided that I think I'm going to keep it in an annual rotation. It's so relevant for the life of a young Christian mother-- I highly recommend it!

The No S Diet is still going well. I think this week, the thing I've noticed most has been the way self-control is starting to come more naturally. When I was cooking tonight, I didn't want to sneak a bite or two before I sat at the table. Last night when I sat down at the table, I didn't mind waiting to cut up the kids' food before I got to mine. For a mondo-nursing mom like me (read: hungry 24/7), that's some real self-control. I'm impressed with this No S lifestyle. My smart husband said, "so basically, self-control breeds more self-control". I think that's it!
Massages. I love em. It's my "luxury thing", I guess. I hadn't had one in years, so last year for my birthday/our anniversary/Christmas, I asked for a package of a few massages. I've spaced them out since October, and now I have one left. I'm thinking of just getting a classic full-body Swedish massage, though I really really love reflexology. What's your luxury thing?

Thoughts on moving. We've had a rough go of it, trying to find an apartment. And I'm really going to miss our great view of this vast city. Most likely, any apartment we take after this one will have a view of other buildings... it just doesn't get much better than this. At least not in our price range. :)

I made beignets (New Orleans' style donut-like pastries) for dinner tonight. Man, they are so good! There's enough dough left over to have them breakfast a couple days this week too! These things are tasty and so so easy!

Hairstyles. I'm a long-hair girl. I've gone short before, but I really prefer long. Don't really care for bangs. So what am I to do? I don't have time to keep layers looking good... any ideas for me? Links to pictures of ideas? Anything? I need to refresh the look, and would love to hear your advice.

Have a great weekend!

Mommy Guilt?

2011-02-09T12:38:00.017-06:00

[Note: the pics in this article don't go with it, and they're not even altogether recent. Sorry about that. I'm browsing pics in iPhoto from the last 9 months, and just thought I'd share some that caught my eye.]

I've seen a heap of articles that tackle or reference "mommy guilt" as a natural part of motherhood. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't live with guilt as a mom, on an ongoing basis. I really don't.

Oh, of course as a sinful person, I feel guilt that I am not some sort of "perfect" mom... but the sense I get from these articles is that there's something more at work here. Of course there are regrets about my failures as a wife & mom... every human being deals with those. I wish I could say my kids didn't know what it sounds like for mom to yell. I wish I could say I'd only, ever, been kind in my responses to them. But they, like every other human who has ever lived, have a sinful, human mom. And I just trust that God will use that in their lives for their good (and I also submit myself to God for His continuing work in my life).

But again, I often get the sense from articles and news pieces that moms feel or should feel a lot of guilt over the various choices we make as moms... or that it's normal for moms to feel and live with guilt.

*EXAMINE* YOUR GUILT

The reason I'm writing is just to say, if that's you, and you feel guilt, I'd encourage you to hold that guilt up to the light. Examine it in the full light of Scripture, and in the full view of your husband, and yourself, and the aims you have for your family.

HELPFUL GUILT?

Not all guilt is bad... for example:

If I'm feeding my kids junk food too often, and feeling guilt because they're sick and cranky and having bathroom issues, then that might be a helpful guilt to jar me into reality.
If I'm feeling guilty because I've been dealing with my children in a way that is angry, belittling, or hurtful to them, then that is a good guilt, to motivate me to stop it and treat them with love & kindness, even while disciplining.
If I've put my children in daycare, the guilt I feel as I walk away might be prodding me to consider that perhaps my actions don't match up with our aims as a family.
If I want to throw in the towel while breastfeeding because mastitis hurts so dadgum bad, or because I'm just tired in the throes of early weeks with a newborn, the perceived guilt may help me to press on through an undoubtedly hard season.
If I'm feeling frustrated with my weight even while I reach for the extra dessert or sip on my calorie-loaded drink all day long, then my guilt ought to compel me to change my behavior!

UNHELPFUL GUILT

But if it's a guilt over something that can't/shouldn't be undone, like:

not having enough money to buy certain things your child wants
not being able to spend all your day focusing on your firstborn now that you've had a second baby
not being able to keep house like that mom whose kids are grown
not being able to afford the beautifully-decorated suburban dream home like other people your age seem to be able to do
not looking like ______ family that you see pictures of on a blog or Facebook page
not being able to ____(use cloth diapers, breastfeed for "x" length of time, afford toddler gymnastic classes, cook with only organic ingredients, etc.)____ that all the other young moms are talking about
(or heck, sometimes even not being able to get a shower whilst caring for little ones!!!)

Well, I think those guilty feelings can be laid aside. Let them roll right off your back, and banish their return. Don't fret if you don't do everything someone else deems important!

We will each stand before God and account for what we've done with the treasures He's given us... so get in the Word, and get with your husband, and determine what your family values are. And then live in line with those things. And once you've examined it, either let your guilt shape the choices you make, or if it's the unhelpful kind, toss it out! Do away with Mommy guilt and live in the light.