tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post8713672995207180362..comments2024-03-29T01:05:17.952-05:00Comments on Making Home: Being "Sexy" For Your Husband? (part one)Jess Connellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-78212586115514845532016-09-27T09:41:17.915-05:002016-09-27T09:41:17.915-05:00I'm 60 years old and still struggle regarding ...I'm 60 years old and still struggle regarding my sexualities. "Used goods" is a perfect way to identify with my insecurities. My heart tenderly is searching for relief from poor choices from forty years ago. The clearest message that is getting in my heart toward my husband is this. It's truly not the way I look, it's the way I love. I did not get married to stay a me. I got married to be a part of a we. I found this site in search of understanding the difference between being sexual and being sexually desirable to my husband. I've heard it from my own husband, however when I read someone's post about asking her husband what he finds attractive and her husband told her he just wanted to know that she wants him brought me to cleansing tears. I pray the Lord will direct my thoughts and heart and life toward restoration and completeness for my relationship with my husband. I pray the same for all women that struggle knowing how to enjoy their husbands desire for their wives attentions. After all, isn't that what we want too? <br />I'm praying that my love and attention will reflect back to fulfill my need for love and attention in return.Rosenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-39821767515955925762013-09-20T02:07:12.698-05:002013-09-20T02:07:12.698-05:00Great Advice!
We as women need to be more confiden...Great Advice!<br />We as women need to be more confident even though we have been deceived by years of contradictions and double standard from the media which is dominated by men. And to think, they expect for us to move forward after we have seen and heard about beautiful women's pictures and other standards of beauty that have been set for us. <br /><br /> It really takes a lot for a woman to let go of these feelings of insecurity. Media did not play tricks on men. They told them to be wide open and did not criticize their waistlines and smooth skin. :)<br /><br />I think women do pretty well considering.<br /><br />BerylAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-29113319973652106992013-09-20T01:57:08.738-05:002013-09-20T01:57:08.738-05:00Luv luv luv this site. 9/19/13
BerylLuv luv luv this site. 9/19/13<br /><br /><br />BerylAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-4754340226009503452013-04-12T09:29:39.060-05:002013-04-12T09:29:39.060-05:00I always wish my husband would delite in my body a...I always wish my husband would delite in my body and find it pleasurable but I can't help but hide my body which already has flaws just at 24. I feel really bad I can't give him want he has always hoped for.nenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-61555147399621189932010-12-29T11:49:45.858-06:002010-12-29T11:49:45.858-06:00Jess,
How remarkable that I as a Christian wife an...Jess,<br />How remarkable that I as a Christian wife and mother went to my Google search engine and typed in "How to seem more sexy to your husband," nd this is what I came accross. I want to thank you for even having concerns to reach out for other Christian women who may need spiritual advice. I used to struggle with feeling not beautiful enough at times, only due to the fact that after children some features arent the way they used to appear. Althogh through faith and time of realizing my husband loves that particular appearance even though they have changed(smaller in appearance:) I know and believe that husbands will love us for us. I do agree 100% that we need to be sexy, and enticing to our husband, and we shall WANT to desire him, and want him to desire us. I like the thought of KEEPING IT IN OUR MIND ALL DAY to help us with THE MOOD, that is going to be my next challenge that I look forward to trying. It is so easy now days to be tired, or just not in the mood, because of work, or cleaning house, taking care of our children and normal housewive duties. I struggle at times of not feeling in the mood but knowing I want to be in the mood for my husband and myself. Thank You so much I really enjoyed your post.<br />Kelly Gault<br />OhioAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-4271782089845577492009-06-12T22:15:59.470-05:002009-06-12T22:15:59.470-05:00To anonymous,
I can relate to frequently not feeli...To anonymous,<br />I can relate to frequently not feeling in the mood. What has helped me is understanding that this is a good thing. Also, it helps to have it in my mind all day. Wear something under your clothes all day that remind you of what you are going to do. Also, keep a few sex instruction books on hand that discuss the subject without anything weird going on. Reading these out loud to each other can be helpful. Also, to be rather frank, in order to respond to my husband, I really have to concentrate on everything. I have to not let my thoughts be anywhere but with my husband. It's easy to think that sex is just feelings, but in some ways it's also work. You have to work at it to make it work for you. Also, keep things humorous. Sometimes the best way to get in the mood is to have a tickle fight! Laugh--sex can be hilarious!!! but you can't take things too seriously.<br />Also, doing kegel exercises can help strenghten the necessary muscles. <br />Something I have also discovered is that much of how I viewed sex was how I saw my own parents NOT interact. Whenever my dad tried to get close to my mom(not inappropriately), she would push him away, and was extremely modest and never made it seem like she was attracted to him outside the bedroom. I never saw a wife respond in a positive way to her husband. I've had to learn as I go!Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-59647209866762268062009-01-04T12:23:00.000-06:002009-01-04T12:23:00.000-06:00I just came on this from Lylah's blog, and it's so...I just came on this from Lylah's blog, and it's something I've been thinking of. To be honest, I fall very short in this area. I've been good at staying attractive to my husband, and he loves to look at me and all that, and he's attractive to me as well. But sex is just such a chore. So much less interesting than anything else I can think of, and I have such a hard time trying to be interested.<BR/><BR/>I want my husband to know he's loved, but it's so hard to fake interest or enthusiasm for that chore. I don't know why-- selfishness, perhaps. I occasionally get in the mood and don't mind being looked at or touched, but it's so hard to get there when I'm not, and I know he'd love to have me fully into it more. <BR/><BR/>Ack-- how to change this? Faking interest doesn't really fool anyone, I don't think. I'm not a very good actress. I've never been able to act seductive when I didn't feel that way. I just have a 'blah' feeling about it. So frustrating. I will keep trying, but it's definitely a "duty" (I Cor.) rather than a pleasure at this point, and I think it will be a miracle if that changes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-28762147847537912962008-11-25T21:01:00.000-06:002008-11-25T21:01:00.000-06:00thanks for adding my 30 day sex challenge to your ...thanks for adding my 30 day sex challenge to your comment section. <BR/><BR/>what a VERY important subject to continue to "chat" about.<BR/><BR/>i've added this post tonight: http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/04/power-of-bedroom-sex-talk.html<BR/><BR/>perhaps it continues to have value for women to encourage them in this area of Celebration!<BR/><BR/>keep up the good work!<BR/><BR/>blessings...lylahLylah Lednerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04436702227303638509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-42020519342089487292008-11-01T23:34:00.000-05:002008-11-01T23:34:00.000-05:00Hi Jess! I am new to this site (like I just found...Hi Jess! I am new to this site (like I just found out about it a couple of days ago) and find it truly awesome. <BR/>I just have one thing to comment on in regard to Catherine R. This is such a sensitive topic and I certainly do not want to play down rapes, etc. ANY TYPE of sexual abuse is wrong, hurtful, damaging, etc., etc. However, being a victim myself and one who has gone through several therapists, unless it is something you have gone through it is truly difficult to understand. <BR/>Catherine did not mention who her abuser was and I respect her choice for that. And please, once again to the individual(s) that were raped, forgive me - I am not downplaying your experience in any way. However, when it was your own father, as was in my case, it is an exceptionally fragile conversation to have with anyone.<BR/>It is a very painful and lonely place to be.<BR/>Although prayer and therapy have helped some, I understand the dismay that Catherine is feeling. I have felt like "used goods" from the get go and unfortunately, with the exception of actual intercourse, my father abused me in every way that a man would typically attempt in foreplay. I still find myself completely leaving (emotionally) during any intimacy. <BR/>It is difficult to see something that is supposed to be so natural and so beautiful also be sooo confusing. However, I too, continue to pray for peace in this area.<BR/>I know where you are coming from Catherine, and sadly so do too many others. I will continue to pray for all of us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-6967205465185591542008-08-05T13:19:00.000-05:002008-08-05T13:19:00.000-05:00Awesome commentary! Your perspective is right on! ...Awesome commentary! Your perspective is right on! I have never heard anyone expound on The Song like that. Paticularly the part about him loving all of her even though she is not like other women. Maybe she was chunky?<BR/><BR/>Love<BR/><BR/>KAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-36794764547038550992008-07-01T06:36:00.000-05:002008-07-01T06:36:00.000-05:00Excellent!! I totally agree. I also appreciate the...Excellent!! I totally agree. I also appreciate the other comments, especially helpmeetintraining's. <BR/><BR/>I think a very important part of your post is your point that it's right and good for the wife to "let" her husband delight in the sight of her. I know, for myself, I allow the fact that I am overweight to cause me to feel less attractive, but I make the effort to *not* let that affect my physical relationship with my husband. Every day he tells me he loves me and calls me 'gorgeous.' :)A happy heart at homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07828925608889359309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-90046640528812824962008-04-06T14:50:00.000-05:002008-04-06T14:50:00.000-05:00I'm so late finding this but I'm so glad I did. I...I'm so late finding this but I'm so glad I did. I'll have to come back to read the rest of the series soon! <BR/><BR/>I think that being seductive towards our husbands is so important. I mean, it really doesn't take much more effort to say "OH yes please!" than to say "ugh fine" but it will make such a difference to him! :)helpmeetintraininghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15666396500940387019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-20696171067058797262008-03-29T14:09:00.000-05:002008-03-29T14:09:00.000-05:00This series is my blog pick of the week! Good stu...This series is my blog pick of the week! Good stuff!!<BR/><BR/>www.gombojav.blogspot.comGombojav Tribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03351284199061330040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-65290060711038626172008-03-19T14:57:00.000-05:002008-03-19T14:57:00.000-05:00I read this blog this morning and have not been ab...I read this blog this morning and have not been able to stop thinking about it. I am a stay at home mom of almost 5. I have been pregnant for most of the last 6 years. My body is, well, not what it used to be- if you know what I mean. And so I struggle with the thoughts of sexiness and such. I am ok with the way that I look. My body is evidence of the children that I have and that is amazing to me. But I still want my husband to "want" me. Most days I don't get dressed and most weeks where I only shower on church days, because I am so worn out from mommyhood and being pregnant that I just don't have time. And so I struggle. But this had me thinking. Who says what is beautiful? Do we allow the media or our friends to dictate to us what is beauty? Or should I ask my husband what he thinks? I did that, I sent him an email asking him my concerns and he said this: "If you want to be attractive to me, show me that you want me... Nothing else really matters..." Here I was thinking that I was gonna have to take a shower :P and put makeup on, get dressed... And that was all he needed from me. I would encourage all you ladies to do the same, ask your husband what he wants.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-19326998247953413692008-03-19T12:59:00.000-05:002008-03-19T12:59:00.000-05:00This is a great post!! Sparksfley -- please don't ...This is a great post!! <BR/><BR/>Sparksfley -- please don't be discouraged. What the world believes is what has been twisted by Satan. We are all wonderfully and fearfully made by God. Our very being is in His image and there is nothing unattractive about the Creator. Sometimes we can limit our beauty by what we think of ourselves. Ask the Lord to give you confidence in YOU. Look in the mirror and say to yourself daily, "I am beautiful. I was hand crafted by God." Try it. <BR/><BR/>God loves you and your husband loves you. Don't be ashamed of yourself nor depressed because those are tricks of Satan. He seeks to steel, kill, and destroy. Start living in the image of God and your true beauty and you'll see a real change in your life.<BR/><BR/>With many blessings and prayer for your ability to overcome this stronghold.dfreemayohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01721874654888833322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-34624456222967988682008-02-24T11:12:00.000-06:002008-02-24T11:12:00.000-06:00Catherine, I, too, went through years of counselin...Catherine, I, too, went through years of counseling with almost no results until I found a nouthetic counselor. She dealt with my feelings expressly through Biblical interpreation. Not until I learned to look at my past through God's eyes did He give me healing. You could either ask your pastor or go to www.nanc.org/ to find a counselor. Be careful, though. I went to several 'Christian' counselors whose only nod to Christ was to pray before we started. A great place to start, but I needed Him all through my work. Now I love being with my husband. You CAN find healing, but no, it won't go away on its own. God be with you in your healing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-58466419926581267672008-02-22T01:24:00.000-06:002008-02-22T01:24:00.000-06:00Bravo, I couldn't agree more!! I know that my hus...Bravo, I couldn't agree more!! I know that my husband feels great when he sees that I desire him...which is exactly what being seductive in a Christian marriage is all about. I hear a lot from other women about how they don't look like society's standard of beauty or sexiness, but, trust me, that doesn't matter to a husband. Any time I say to mine, "Ugh, I hate that I still have 20 lbs on me from when Grace (our daughter) was born". He always says quickly in return, "Kelly, I used to be 20 lbs lighter, too!" LOL! It's not about looks, just like it's not about letting yourself become slovenly and unhealthy either, but sexiness and seduction in marriage is about keeping the fire lit by desiring one another, having fun with each other and remembering that it's about the zeal you have in life (living with a cheerful heart like Scripture says) that makes everything soooo great!<BR/><BR/>Awesome post, and I'm so glad to have stumbled upon your blog!Kelly @ The Barefoot Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17048721787666752247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-66939954947989936882008-02-20T12:03:00.000-06:002008-02-20T12:03:00.000-06:00bjh,Then you truly are just like Solomon's bride i...bjh,<BR/>Then you truly are just like Solomon's bride in this passage. She was ridiculed by the other women of her day for her brown skin, and you have felt this for your pale skin. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing your story- I pray that God will give you freedom from this pain that has followed you, as you said, all due to biology and God's design for you.<BR/><BR/>~JessJess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-28813711456217304892008-02-20T12:01:00.000-06:002008-02-20T12:01:00.000-06:00Oh, Catherine, I don't think either of us were tal...Oh, Catherine, I don't think either of us were talking about you... you definitely weren't talking about your husband in a negative way. You were being honest and transparent about your situation.<BR/><BR/>Both she and I were, I think, talking about friends and family who talk negatively about their husbands and their intimate life. <BR/><BR/>You are right to take this issue head on. Until we do, the enemy LOVES to use this against us and use it to affect so many aspects of our lives-- the way we see ourselves, our husbands, and God-- the way we carry ourselves-- our intimacy with our husbands... and he can lead us into self-condemnation and feelings of poor self-worth. I would still encourage you in the counseling aspect. Perhaps you need to research well and find someone who can do BIBLICAL sexual counseling-- helping you to see your past in light of Scripture rather than in light of your own guilt and shame or in light of cultural perceptions.<BR/><BR/>I pray that God will lead you to someone who can truly help you reclaim this area as an area where God can be glorified in your life and in your marriage!<BR/><BR/>Blessings~<BR/>JessJess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-82481479885862516632008-02-20T11:45:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:45:00.000-06:00I hope I didn't sound negative towards my husband ...I hope I didn't sound negative towards my husband in my previous post (Jess is probably not talking about me). I love him dearly and want him to be happy, so that's why I feel bad that I have trouble enjoying myself for his sake as well as mine. I do realize that it's important not to deprive him but it's also my goal to not have to live my whole life pretending I like it. I appreciate the kind words directed towards me, I think I really need to make a concious effort to look at this issue head on instead of hoping it will go away on it's own. Yes, prayer will be a part of this. I am not sure about counseling. Maybe this is wrong of me but I am sort of tired of being in and out of counseling with mixed results.Catherine R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/17270456247724661532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-13724196096213409622008-02-20T11:06:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:06:00.000-06:00Just a note to Sparksfley: I understand the feeli...Just a note to Sparksfley: I understand the feeling you've described. It's not the most pleasant thing in the world to feel like you can never measure up to what the world says is acceptable. For me, it's my fair skin. I'm not kidding, I have had people, both men & women, say the rudest things to me concerning this. I have dark brown hair, & I guess people just see that & automatically think I should tan in the summertime. I don't. I never have. And of course, everyone knows, don't they, that women who are tanned are more beautiful? (tongue definitely in my cheek). And yes, even my husband believes this, & it has been a very sore issue between us, as it has made me shy with him. I mean, who would even want moonlight or candlelight shining on their naked body, much less sunlight, during physical intimacy? So I say, to any single men who might be reading this, decide beforehand what you deem attractive in a woman. Don't pursue someone genetic "faults", such as the one I possess, & then expect her to give of herself happily.<BR/><BR/>with regrets,<BR/>bjhAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-56998579309416899372008-02-20T10:42:00.000-06:002008-02-20T10:42:00.000-06:00Lylah,I'm glad you're enjoying the series so far--...Lylah,<BR/>I'm glad you're enjoying the series so far-- I'll have the second one up tomorrow. <BR/><BR/>And I can't really honestly take credit for the link to your blog here on this post. ... Blogger just automatically seeks and finds those other blogs that link to other blogs and notes those links at the bottom of the post they link to. ;) <BR/><BR/>But it IS how I found you and commented on your post! :) SO, thank you, Blogger!!!<BR/>~JessJess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-71661689253339455492008-02-20T10:11:00.000-06:002008-02-20T10:11:00.000-06:00Hi Jess....i'm LOVING your continued topic on SEX!...Hi Jess....i'm LOVING your continued topic on SEX! You Go Girl! And, how kind of you to add a link to my thoughts.<BR/><BR/>I've got another post to add on the subject - that should be a nice compliment. <BR/><BR/>YES! Taking back the ground the enemy has stolen.....<BR/><BR/>blessings on you! lylahLylah Lednerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04436702227303638509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-67899132722435527582008-02-20T00:43:00.000-06:002008-02-20T00:43:00.000-06:00Michelle,Thank you for sharing your story. God ca...Michelle,<BR/>Thank you for sharing your story. God can and DOES heal women from all sorts of difficult pasts... you and I stand together as testimonies of His faithfulness in that area! <BR/><BR/>And PRAISE HIM that it IS POSSIBLE to have not just a mediocre sex life after a troubling past-- but even a wonderfully thrilling one! :)<BR/><BR/>It is also difficult for me to hear negativity towards sex and husbands from Christian women... and that's one of the reasons I'm so passionate about writing about this and shedding on light on something that I believe can make SUCH a tremendous impact on our culture, on our children, and on our marriages.<BR/><BR/>Thanks again for being transparent. <BR/><BR/>I look forward to hearing more from you all as we delve further into this topic!<BR/>~JessJess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-85577104391814660612008-02-20T00:33:00.000-06:002008-02-20T00:33:00.000-06:00Hey Joy,Thanks for your comments... I know what yo...Hey Joy,<BR/>Thanks for your comments... I know what you mean. I've found that it's helpful to not ever let the fire die out. Essentially, I mean that we can sometimes go too long between times of intimacy, and then it takes that much MORE mental and physical effort to "get into it".<BR/><BR/>A friend of mine put it this way: sex is kind of like a campfire. If you keep it roaring hot, and you keep consistently adding logs to the fire, it can stay roaring hot... and you can even let it die down some, but just recognize that it will take more stoking and work to get it roaring hot again the next time. But if you let it die down altogether to where it's just smoke and burnt embers, you're going to have to start the whole process over again, and it will feel like drudgery. <BR/><BR/>The easiest thing, really, is to keep it going... To keep it on your mind... To live in a way that you really take delight in your husband, and intimacy doesn't feel like leaping across a great divide, but feels more like a natural extension of your day (because you've been thinking about him throughout the day anyway).<BR/><BR/>It's actually similar, in this way, to our relationship with God. Quiet times seem like such a BIG step, unless you're doing them consistently. Then it's not such a big struggle. It's just a wonderful and natural part of life.<BR/><BR/>Intimacy can be the same way... if we keep the home fires burning, it's much easier to heat things back up than it is if we've let things fizzle or cool off completely.<BR/><BR/>~JessJess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.com