tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post4232704642441274839..comments2023-12-17T06:06:12.732-06:00Comments on Making Home: When the Person that "Wears the Pants" in the Family is a Size 2TJess Connellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-90769080621665449142009-02-21T15:35:00.000-06:002009-02-21T15:35:00.000-06:00Oh my. What a treasure of wonderful advice I seem...Oh my. What a treasure of wonderful advice I seem to have 'stumbled' upon. :) I am a 47yr old mum of three. Two children practically grown and one aged 9. I have been a Christian for 17yrs. In all my time at church I have not heard any godly advice from the pulpit for raising godly children. :( I have struggled for so long, but praise God, my eldest kids are good kids, my eldest daughter is saved, does believe in Jesus, my second child, a son, is 19 but doesn't believe, but his lifestyle (he is at University) is good, so I am thanking God for his grace, but praying for salvation! My youngest is very difficult..I won't elaborate. But I ask God for help! Your blog is like opening a window and having fresh air blow in! So helpful..thankyou, thankyou so much. <BR/><BR/>Yvonne in the UKAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-9408703721138496242009-01-25T05:07:00.000-06:002009-01-25T05:07:00.000-06:00I recently had the experience of sitting next to a...I recently had the experience of sitting next to a lady and her young son on the tram. He looked to be about 10-11, and was dressed in that gangster fashion, baggy pants, cap turned backwards, too big t-shirt. He was doing something to disobey her, I think it was wiping his hands all over the tram window. His mother kept asking him to stop, and eventually threw up her hands in exasperation and said, I just don't understand why you wont listen to me!<BR/><BR/>I found the whole picture sad. I never really thought gangsters and obedience to authority went together very well, but I guess that lady didn't think about that before she allowed her young son to emulate them.Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539647614851026445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-3235264925597445492008-12-23T03:05:00.000-06:002008-12-23T03:05:00.000-06:00Have you ever seen www.momsnotes.com? I love them...Have you ever seen www.momsnotes.com? I love them! They are such a big help to me!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10699594279497017744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-5820899988471131232008-09-13T07:37:00.000-05:002008-09-13T07:37:00.000-05:00I know this is an older post, but i wanted to than...I know this is an older post, but i wanted to thank you for such a balanced post. After 11 years of infertility, I am now parenting a little girl who will likely be my only child. I have received a lot of unsolicited advice on what and how and how often to feed or bathe or change her, as if this is the definition of training her in righteousness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-72853042429601773692008-08-29T21:43:00.000-05:002008-08-29T21:43:00.000-05:00Thanks for the encouraging post for old and new mo...Thanks for the encouraging post for old and new moms alike. My SIL (a friend of yours) and I were just discussing this today during a Skype chat because we've both reached points in our discipline when we'd become flat enraged with how disobedient our TODDLERS were being! It is mind-boggling how a 2-3 year-old can purposefully torment their mother at nap time.<BR/><BR/>While we don't spank all the time for disobedience -- because I am still working on being patient and loving in my discipline all the time -- I'm being increasingly surprised at how well my 2-year-old responds to my saying, "Now, sweetie, the Bible tells us to obey our parents. You're not obeying me right now. If you cannot obey me, I will spank you." She seems to get this, and I think it helps that she loves her Bible and recognizes its importance in her life as well as ours. But saying that out loud to her also gives me a reminder that God desires me to discipline her with love even with a spanking and immediately calms me down enabling me to spank her in a godly manner.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, thanks for encouragement. I love your website and frequently post your posts on my Facebook account to friends who haven't gotten hooked on your blog!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-74356281982707696922008-08-28T18:39:00.000-05:002008-08-28T18:39:00.000-05:00Thank you Jess for your blog. I am a new reader a...Thank you Jess for your blog. I am a new reader and a fairly recent new mom to a 15.5 month old son.<BR/><BR/>I agree 100% with this post. One thing that has been encouraging to me and helps me keep it in perspective is that my job as a person/woman/wife/mother/friend/daughter/sister/etc is to please God in all that I do. That means as a parent I am to parent in a way that brings honor, glory, and pleasure to God. That means I must know what God's Word has to say about my role and responsibilities in those relationships and I am to actively seek to make my life conformed to the pattern He has set for me. Remembering those truths helps take some of the pressure away of "raising a godly kid"... because I am not responsibile for how my child responds to my parenting. However, it adds the pressure, because it isn't just my child I am hoping to impact... it is the Almighty Heavenly Father, God I am trying to please and honor in how I parent. Of course, my deepest prayer for my son is that he will come to saving faith in Jesus Christ and that he will love and serve God all the days of his life. However that desire must not be overshadowed by my desire to parent in a way that brings God pleasure. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for your insightful posts about your love for God, your love for His Word, your love for your family, and your journey to honor the Lord in your life. <BR/><BR/>My prayer is that I will honor and please the Lord in all that I do, especially in the way that I parent. I pray that He will give me wisdom and creativity to apply God's Word to all aspects of my life, to my parenting, and to my training of the precious child He has given me.The Aday Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10862854816259852753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-41399270914757272142008-08-26T10:53:00.000-05:002008-08-26T10:53:00.000-05:00Except, birthblessed, for the fact that I outlined...Except, birthblessed, for the fact that I outlined nothing as far as specifics go.<BR/><BR/>"Following what Jess outlines" (in this post, at least) is simply listening to the Word of God. I don't think you can ever go wrong there, Amy, and I don't think you think so either.Jess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-51293311159757498292008-08-26T10:49:00.000-05:002008-08-26T10:49:00.000-05:00And when you are doing everything that is right to...And when you are doing everything that is right to raise your child, and that child persists in dishonor and disobedience (even though the same child's siblings ARE turning out "right") then don't hesitate to seek professional help from a child psychologist and have your child evaluated rather than listening to those who tell you that you just aren't doing it right.<BR/><BR/>Because following what Jess outlines, does not always produce a happy, obedient, loving child. <BR/><BR/>You can still end up with a terror child who sends you to the Prozac despite your best, godliest, discipline.<BR/><BR/>And don't let anyone tell you it can't happen if you just "do it right."birthblessedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15806916118434752130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-80115615005021289672008-08-26T10:31:00.000-05:002008-08-26T10:31:00.000-05:00Thanks, Ticia and Jess. :) I appreciate it.Thanks, Ticia and Jess. :) I appreciate it.anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03993158642184311825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-37110807795476589722008-08-25T22:39:00.000-05:002008-08-25T22:39:00.000-05:00Wow. Wish I'd had a copy of this post to hand to ...Wow. <BR/>Wish I'd had a copy of this post to hand to the three families who were allowing their young daughters to run screaming around the restaurant in which we were trying to enjoy a celebratory meal this weekend. <BR/>What bothered me as much as the disrespectful girls (who ignored one father's half-hearted "hush" quite boldly) was the fact that the families were loudly discussing "Church stuff" while ignoring both the behavior of their children and the discomfort of other diners. Not to mention the serving staff who had to dodge the young ones constantly. <BR/>Where was the Love for their children? For the servers? For the other guests? <BR/>And what witness is that to the broken world?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-32829953409192906692008-08-24T01:32:00.000-05:002008-08-24T01:32:00.000-05:00Annie,What we've done with our parents is to just ...Annie,<BR/>What we've done with our parents is to just tell them the general reasons why we're doing what we're doing. <BR/><BR/>To back it up with the Bible, with examples (for example, friends that you grew up with--positive and negative), and then (if necessary) a firm but loving statement, like, "this is how we'll be raising our children. If you have something specific to say about our parenting, you can feel free to say so to me, but please do not contradict me or challenge me in front of our children. That would be challenging our authority at a critical time."<BR/><BR/>Another thing-- if your parents are saying things like, "whoo, she's gonna be rebellious" or "watch out-- he looks like he has a wild streak"... I would say something like, "please don't speak curses over my children. We ALL have a sin nature; we are all rebellious in our flesh. We're going to try to help him develop self-control and a dependence on God the best we can, just like you did."<BR/><BR/>I like Ticia's joking manner, too-- "if you want to raise more kids, there are plenty that need to be adopted!"Jess Connellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-10046408119162890282008-08-23T23:56:00.000-05:002008-08-23T23:56:00.000-05:00I have a short response for Annie.I told my parent...I have a short response for Annie.<BR/>I told my parents that if they wanted to raise more children they should foster or adopt! I didn't do it mean. More joking but it got the point across.Ticiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882878707522591831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-83481903961987703632008-08-23T20:44:00.000-05:002008-08-23T20:44:00.000-05:00Mrs. P, thank you! I appreciate your advice and wi...Mrs. P, thank you! I appreciate your advice and wisdom. We are still praying about what to do, and seeking the advice of those who have gone before, like you. Thank you!anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03993158642184311825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-29063630053596717222008-08-23T03:00:00.000-05:002008-08-23T03:00:00.000-05:00Your post reminded me of Supernanny and Nanny 911....Your post reminded me of Supernanny and Nanny 911. Watch ANY episode of either of those shows, and you'll see a child-run household. In the last episode I watched, a little girl locked her mother out of the house! I agree that parents don't teach their children that they're supposed to obey them; and yet they still expect them to!Miss Rose Virginiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04410857352427519412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-44598939990709674862008-08-22T21:22:00.000-05:002008-08-22T21:22:00.000-05:00Such a well-written post. We get compliments on o...Such a well-written post. We get compliments on our children all the time, but we are firm with them. I sometimes wonder if the same people who compliment their behavior would complement our discipline methods! :) I think what most people don't realize when they start their family is that it is hard work and the payoff is not immediate. My three year old is testing us right now in a big way, but I know that if I continue *consistently* what I know is right, he will come through and so will we. It's not easy, but it is oh so worth it. Thanks for getting me to think about some of the biblical reasons right now. I needed a reminder of why I was doing it!!Johannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436720646561133434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-5744930393878644992008-08-22T19:48:00.000-05:002008-08-22T19:48:00.000-05:00Great post! Thank you! As the mother of 8 ages 23 ...Great post! Thank you! As the mother of 8 ages 23 to 3 I have been frustrated by how many families we cannot fellowship with because their children are just plain no fun! And the parents sigh and say, "But you got 8 Good Children!". No, we took our God given authority and prayerfully (with fear and trembling every step of the way) asked God for grace and guidance to teach us His ways. Our second child and first son was angrey and defiant from infanthood on. We learned so much from being his parents! Now, with his emotions under control, his God-given drive and focus makes him the hardest working 20 year old I know! AND, he is very very respectful of his mother! Which makes all those many days of constantly disciplining him soooo worth it! He even corrects his peers when they aren't respectful enough to THEIR parents! What a joy and blessing! Be faithful and reap the joy! <BR/><BR/>JillAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-15678441231264229712008-08-22T18:45:00.000-05:002008-08-22T18:45:00.000-05:00Great post! I am a very firm and loving Christian ...Great post! I am a very firm and loving Christian mom who has managed (thus far)my 13 and 16 year old as kind (despite being spanked) and respectful young people. I am often told how lucky I am to have such good children. I tell the same thing I tell people who think my being a stay at home mom is luck. ITS NOT LUCK.<BR/>It is hard work. It is hard to say no and stick to your guns. It wasn't easy to be consistent. But it must be done if you are going to raise children others can stand to be around. LeticiaTiciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882878707522591831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-18175293095747371542008-08-22T18:37:00.000-05:002008-08-22T18:37:00.000-05:00Dear Annie,I take the liberty to answer you a bit ...Dear Annie,<BR/><BR/>I take the liberty to answer you a bit though I know you asked Jess to answer your question, because I've been a lot in your shoes in this respect. :-) <BR/><BR/>The important thing to do is to hold your ground, together with your husband. That means making it clear (respectfully but firmly) to your parents that this is your family, God has given YOU the responsibility to raise your child in whatever way you believe to be best, and that way is the biblical way, which involves correction out of love, and not finding excuses for sin. You can state what your philosophy of child raising is, not as if looking for approval, but just so they know, and then let them know that you expect them to respect your convictions, whatever they think about them, and not to go against them. Let them know, after the initial discussion, that you are not willing to debate this over and over again, and you are just letting them know what your principles are. You have to be quite firm sometimes. Sure, it may feel uncomfortable to have to stand your ground with your parents, but if your child's soul is at stake, isn't it worth it? I hope this doesn't sound extreme. I am speaking from personal experience (some of which was not very pleasant).<BR/><BR/>What we have had to do is to try to control our interactions as much as possible - to not let our son spend too much time in their company (knowing the potential for spoiling him to death or using unbiblical motivations to get him to obey. When we did let him spend time alone with them, we made it clear what activities were unacceptable (we didn't want any TV-watching, for instance). We let them know what kinds of toys we do not want our son to receive. When we go on a date and let him stay with them, most times we leave a definite schedule of what they are expected to do together (what time he is to be fed, how long to play together and how long alone and so on; before we realized this was needed, my parents would play with my son all the time we were gone, and after that he couldn't stand playing alone in his room and would be fussy and tend to be disobedient in the days following their time together). And it involved also being present when they visit us, and making sure we want our interactions as much as possible to be FAMILY visits, not interactions just with him - they do visit regularly, as we don't want to deprive him of their love, but we have to be in charge pretty much to listen to what is being said, to curb our son's tendency to act silly (which they would encourage)... Yes, it can be tiresome. And it's sad at times to not be able to have a free-from-stress relationship with one's parents, to not be able to just let your child spend lovely time with them often, but if they are not able to think biblically, and wholeheartedly support what we are trying to do in raising our son, we consider him a priority and will not let him be spoiled out of loyalty for my parents. We have had to put our foot down a number of times for his good - while we do teach him to respect and love them. But we do not want to allow anyone, and that means anyone, to mess up the training of his character. It's too important!<BR/><BR/>The good news is, while it's not easy to be 'on the watch', with God's help it does bear results. Thank God, we have more respect now from my parents, both because they have seen some fruit, and because they have seen again and again that we are definitely not going to allow any interference that we consider would jeopardize what we are trying to do. <BR/><BR/>I hope this helps a bit. <BR/><BR/>Mrs. PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-41757455769796043782008-08-22T16:52:00.000-05:002008-08-22T16:52:00.000-05:00Very good post, Jess. It is getting harder and ha...Very good post, Jess. It is getting harder and harder to minister to young moms, because thier children are in control, and it's hard to have them in the home or get an word in edge wise! As you have stated, I am seeing very frustrated and tired moms, and yet when I share with them what is required of them...much of the time they say "no thank you!" <BR/>...maybe they'll listen to you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07075313642309338412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-90283094243506172982008-08-22T14:27:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:27:00.000-05:00Touché.Touché.Elizabeth Morrisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07577860521973799009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-4595725352802178742008-08-22T14:17:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:17:00.000-05:00Great post Jess (and welcome back!)I was so blesse...Great post Jess (and welcome back!)<BR/>I was so blessed to discover Elizabeth's website at raisingglodlytomatoes.org that has shown me how to train my kids (3 so far). Its a great resource for moms like me who had no clue what obedience training should look like. Even though I have a very "AP" style of parenting little babies (not a scheduler, etc) I think we Christian moms can ALL agree that we have to train our kids to obedience or else we lead them to sin as Colossians 3:20 says "Children obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." <BR/><BR/>And of course, there is the added benefit that obedient children is are FUN to live with!The Hooper Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04562260139295982316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-89549260143562139252008-08-22T14:07:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:07:00.000-05:00I like your blog. I just found it and plan to add ...I like your blog. I just found it and plan to add to my blog list. Thanks for encouraging us. Zinnada<><Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-31696246314724319832008-08-22T12:32:00.000-05:002008-08-22T12:32:00.000-05:00Thank you for the reminder and putting it succinct...Thank you for the reminder and putting it succinctly in this post. I will keep all of these scriptures in my notebook I am creating to remind me and encourage me in mothering. I have not started the adventure yet, but am due with our first in October. It is so important for us to write these words on our door posts and live by them b/c as you said our culture is not tolerant of what God commands. I love that God gives us freedom (commands us) to act on our gut instinct. Thank you for your insight.Brandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12387232166525388495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-84418506924600413222008-08-22T11:02:00.000-05:002008-08-22T11:02:00.000-05:00I found you through my friend at Muddy Boots.Great...I found you through my friend at Muddy Boots.<BR/><BR/>Great post! The other day my 2 year old told me in her sassiest voice, "You can't tell me what to do!" Can you imagine what kind of person she would become if I tolerated such behavior?The (Almost) Amazing Mammarinohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15012729312630511289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-64166102053946233962008-08-22T10:00:00.000-05:002008-08-22T10:00:00.000-05:00Jess,Welcome back! And thanks for this great post...Jess,<BR/>Welcome back! And thanks for this great post!!!<BR/>Last year, I read several books on parenting, some great and some not-so-great. Lee and I also worked at a children's home for a year before we moved overseas. I also have a master's in marriage and family counseling. I've been a Christian for over 20 years! Sounds like I should be an expert at parenting - haha! But I have a very hard time getting my children to obey without prayer! <BR/>My oldest is very challenging at times. I expect obedience the first time, but more times than not she needs a gentle and firm reminder that God expects first-time obedience (the story of Jonah getting swallowed by a big fish for not obeying immediately often comes in handy here!). Sometimes all it takes is me moving closer to her to show her that I am serious about her obedience. Sometimes I tell her she will get a spank if she does not obey the first time and I tell her I do not like to spank her but above all else I want her to honor <BR/>God by obeying her parents. Some may consider these warnings or threats, but it works for us and keeps me from reacting in anger at her disobedience, and I find it to be a biblical approach. I never "threaten" a spank...I have every intention of following through with it if she refuses to obey again. <BR/>When we worked at the children's home we did not have children of our own at first, so we did not have much experience in disciplining children. But we learned a lot of what the world thinks discipline looks like (even though it was a "Christian" organization). Some of the ideas were in line with the Bible but some were not. Now I am having to weed through all of the different ideas that were put in my head about discipline. It's tough to have discernment sometimes.<BR/>I was recently reading in 1 Samuel and, though I had read it before, was struck that the priest, Eli, was killed by God because he did not discipline his sons. His sons were also killed because they did not obey their father. Eli's sons caused much grief to the people around him, and no doubt left a sour taste in the mouth of those who came to the temple of God for worship. How many people turned away from worshipping God because of Eli's sons' actions...because Eli did not discipline them? I think it's a question we have to ask ourselves about our own lives and the lives of our children.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16239224651876191714noreply@blogger.com