tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post1178669778516062143..comments2023-12-17T06:06:12.732-06:00Comments on Making Home: Combating the "You Should Get Out of the House More" MentalityJess Connellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00372282510182101716noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-30869389337335463742009-03-15T07:46:00.000-05:002009-03-15T07:46:00.000-05:00Well, it looks like you already have about a billi...Well, it looks like you already have about a billion comments on this post, but I just had to tell you also that I love it. You really should write a book!!! Thank you for the encouragement and affirmation of what I think we as moms often feel deeply in our hearts as truth, but suffer the effects of the all out attack on this view on motherhood. I have seriously read this post several times this week, and am so encouraged by it and have delighted and felt fulfilled all the more in my role as a mother by being encouraged by your words. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-12885532156029309472009-02-21T13:44:00.000-06:002009-02-21T13:44:00.000-06:00This was an interesting and well-written post, and...This was an interesting and well-written post, and I am glad that you are confident and secure in your choices for you and your family. However, as a Christian, I believe in a personal relationship with God (informed and fed by thoughtful readings of the Bible), and as such, I don't really see a one-sized-fits-all approach to such complex decisions such as parenting, income earning, etc. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, what I am saying is that while you may be disagreeing with the messages that "they" are telling us as mothers, I hear a similar "they" message here. I don't know whether you think you really have the answer for all mothers, or whether you are encouraging us to try to decern (sp?) what God is encouraging and equipping us to do. My personal belief is that God created us as individuals with different needs and abilities, and we should strive our utmost to do what HE wants us to do, but what that looks like from person-to-person might change.elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11042922593523390825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-88806800026748817632009-02-19T00:54:00.000-06:002009-02-19T00:54:00.000-06:00Hi just thought I'd let you know I linked to my si...Hi just thought I'd let you know I linked to my site and I commented on your article here http://strongquiver.blogspot.com/2008/12/making-home-combating-you-should-get.html<BR/><BR/>EmmaE-Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07655092952997028942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-34753748217457633782009-01-22T09:16:00.000-06:002009-01-22T09:16:00.000-06:00Thanks for posting this! I am a "recovering femin...Thanks for posting this! <BR/>I am a "recovering feminist" too, and anyone who thinks feminism doesn't teach this doesn't know feminism. A good collection of quotes from major feminists can be found at: http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/LAF_Theme_Articles_13/You_Don_t_Know_Feminism_744100744.shtml<BR/><BR/>I also had to comment on the "poorest of the poor". When I chose to stay home, I knew we would be low-income. And yet we have never lived in dangerous neighborhoods or gone without essentials. Homeschooling students have similar outcomes regardless of family income or education, where in public schools (or even private to some extent) income is very largely affected by those factors. Being a stay at home mom "protects" your children, if you will, against a lot of the negative effects of beign lower-income because it is often the choices and the lifestyle due to that that cause the harm, and not some magical damage caused by having a lower number in the checking account! (I would highly recommend the book "Home by Choice"). Our society really needs to realize that it is neither a virtue to be well off nor a bad thing to be lower-income.<BR/>Also, it is the lowest income families, ironically, where a second income usually ends up being less helpful to the household by the time the lower amount earned goes towards transportation, child care, meals out of home, increased health care costs (less likely to breastfeed, children have more exposure to diseases, etc.) I totally agree wtih a living wage, improving health care, etc. But I tend to think that those things can be achieved better by getting rid of government paid child care, child care tax credits (not deductions- credits), the immense amount of money that gets poured into a failing public school system, and all the ways our government chooses to subsidize, at the cost of those who stay home, those who put their children in the care of others for large amounts of their waking hours.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-47042957096521186172009-01-21T07:55:00.000-06:002009-01-21T07:55:00.000-06:00Wow, I am so excited that I found your blog! Thank...Wow, I am so excited that I found your blog! Thank you very much for this post! I may just be linking to you often. :)<BR/><BR/>HeidiHeidi Stonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13853114107907752702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-76854903093774373702008-12-30T22:36:00.000-06:002008-12-30T22:36:00.000-06:00I just want to say THANK YOU for posting this. It...I just want to say THANK YOU for posting this. It is so true! <BR/><BR/>I, personally, have only met a handful of people (if that) in "real life" that believe these things about mothering, which is so sad. The rest think that I am crazy. If for no other reason than living on one income in this kind of econonmy! LOL. As if I'm lacking as a woman because I'm not out there providing along side my husband in the work force. <BR/><BR/>And we can't forget to acknowledge our godly husbands and their wisdom for enabling us to act on God's will for our lives (as well as our children's!) by supporting our endeavors at home! <BR/><BR/>It's so encouraging to see other women out there living life the way God intended young mother's to, and not saying sorry because of it!BREEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03527471437405276830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-42342940794664272572008-12-30T20:27:00.000-06:002008-12-30T20:27:00.000-06:00I so appreciated your post. It was so encouraging ...I so appreciated your post. It was so encouraging to me. <BR/><BR/>Years ago as a young wife who was told she would likely remain childless, I adapted to the feminist view of having a work mentality. That is, until we decided to adopt - which was seven years into our marriage. We adopted our first son, who was four at the time, in 2000 and yet I still worked part-time - often dragging him with me. Thankfully he was welcome. <BR/><BR/>In 2003 we adopted a sibling group of four children, the oldest of whom was 7, so I finally came home because of the exhorbitant cost of daycare. I was constantly encouraged by the case workers to go ahead and enroll the children in day care, preschools and school. I didn't feel right about it though, because some of our children had some attachment issues. It did not make sense to me to send them off away from me if they needed to get comfortable around me and learn to trust and love me. So I politely refused and home they stayed.<BR/><BR/>In 2004 we found ourselves finally and quite unexpectedly expecting our first birth child. I had to learn to sit still at home because I was sick for the entire pregnancy, and I was on bed-rest for the last six weeks before Samuel was born. At that point I started shifting a lot of my thinking, and prayed that I could stay home and be content. However, I did not receive much encouragement (for staying at home or trying to homeschool). <BR/><BR/>Now I am expecting our third biological child in July, after losing our second early in my last pregnancy, and am thrilled to be so blessed that I can stay at home with my children and try to make my home a haven for my family. The Lord has always been faithful to us, and I am grateful for the chance to really minister to the needs of my husband and my children!Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07485449169019511074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-25729400907235325672008-12-28T10:48:00.000-06:002008-12-28T10:48:00.000-06:00This is my first visit to your blog, and I loved t...This is my first visit to your blog, and I loved that post. I completely agree with what you said. Thanks for sharing!!Michelle M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/17971436981332903683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-81943849828298372472008-12-28T01:24:00.000-06:002008-12-28T01:24:00.000-06:00Thank you so much for this post. My sister in law...Thank you so much for this post. My sister in law just sent me a link to your blog and I really needed to read this right now. I'm a stay at home wife and mother battling with the "You need to get out more" comments and I'll admit at times I do feel inadequate. <BR/><BR/>It's funny because I was just praying about whether I'm doing enough. I just asked God for guidance as to whether I should put my son in more activities (I have 2 children - a son who's 2 and a daughter who's 7 months). and then I came upon this post. <BR/><BR/>Thank you so much for reminding me how important our work is as wives and mothers. And how I'm doing exactly what God would have me to do by being here.<BR/><BR/>God Bless you and your family<BR/>LaToyaMy life as a Home Engineerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08761306098711992116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-34242796327875877682008-12-27T20:50:00.000-06:002008-12-27T20:50:00.000-06:00I have made the mistake of working o/s the home. ...I have made the mistake of working o/s the home. But I sure enjoyed coming home. <BR/>These days it is a struggle b/c you have society telling your children how to live too. Most of them are lazy and don't want to take responsiblity for themselves. They think the new pres. is going to take care of them. Almost like they don't have to work to support a family. It is sad that they think this way. Men thrive on earning a living to support their families. That is the only thing that I can see come from this economy. Women come home.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-19361523247919635202008-12-23T15:07:00.000-06:002008-12-23T15:07:00.000-06:00Hello Jess! I'm a new reader. I found your blog ...Hello Jess! I'm a new reader. I found your blog through a link from LAF. I'm also a recovering feminist who has struggled greatly with the sacrifices neccessary for intentional motherhood. It's been a long hard road but God has blessed me in so many ways.<BR/><BR/>My simple thought is this...is it eternal? Is my career eternal? Will I be held accountable before God for the time and energy I put in pursuing my Master's Degree? No. The things that matter the most aren't things (accolades, money, stuff, feeling good about myself, yadda, yadda, yadda) but rather are the eternal relationships that God has bestowed to me as a steward. I will be held accountable for how I invested in my children. I choose to not lose one precious moment if at possible.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for posting this! It's been my heart's cry for four years. God continues to challenge me to look to what is eternal and choose the road of sanctification. My flesh would love to have a career where people think I'm great, I get a paycheck, and I have "freedom" but the Holy Spirit reminds me that it would be empty. <BR/><BR/>SundayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-90263583133268872232008-12-21T16:17:00.000-06:002008-12-21T16:17:00.000-06:00As a SAHM of 5 young children I want to commend yo...As a SAHM of 5 young children I want to commend you for writing this courageous post. Unfortunately we do live in an era where the SAHM in undervalued and where staying at home is not a profession that is seen as worthy. When faced with the decision of staying at home or working after the birth of my first daughter, a very wise woman told me the following: "You will never look back and say to yourself Oh I wish I had worked more. But you will always look at your children and think if I would only have spent more time with them". My husband and I have made many worthy sacrifices for our family and have never felt that God would want us to raise our children in any other way. Kudos to this post. God bless you.Mom to Fivehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11926119045145580580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-64320493732168198992008-12-20T20:08:00.000-06:002008-12-20T20:08:00.000-06:00This is a wonderful post. I too, struggle with th...This is a wonderful post. I too, struggle with the feeling of "needing to get out", but at the same time, I know my place is really at home. It is also surprising how many people look at me pityingly and tell me I really do need to find "outside" interests and get out more. As though I'm wasting myself by staying home.<BR/><BR/>Your post was eloquent and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-13098130242336480572008-12-20T11:42:00.000-06:002008-12-20T11:42:00.000-06:00THANK YOU!! I needed to hear this. I have always...THANK YOU!! I needed to hear this. I have always believed in my head that it's good to be at home with my kids (my own mom set a great example), but there are so many pulls to do so many "good" things. I realized that practically, I DON'T think it's the best thing to be a "keeper at home". Your post was very encouraging--my husband and kids thank you as well. :)Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01962041520652442447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-68938669127663670552008-12-20T09:49:00.000-06:002008-12-20T09:49:00.000-06:00Thanks for the great, great exhortation, Jess. I ...Thanks for the great, great exhortation, Jess. I wrote a short post about family and feminism that fits well with what you've said here.<BR/>http://shipfullofpirates.com/2008/12/19/family/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-40827820491666778542008-12-19T18:25:00.000-06:002008-12-19T18:25:00.000-06:00Excellent post and much wisdom for a young Mom. I...Excellent post and much wisdom for a young Mom. I have always been a stay at home Mom and have 2 grown, flown the nest kids and 2 still at home. God called ME to raise them and no one else (cept their Dad). I sometimes wish I had two more young ones! God bless you. Great blog.<BR/><BR/>~PamelaRockerWifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09934146165783786912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-29124698855679542912008-12-19T15:16:00.000-06:002008-12-19T15:16:00.000-06:00Jess,You are a very wise young woman. I have defin...Jess,<BR/><BR/>You are a very wise young woman. I have definitely struggled personally between my desire to be a stay-at-home mom (since I was a child) and the pressure to use my intelligence to "contribute to society". It was only now, with the birth of my third child, that I've finally taken the time to listen to what scripture says about motherhood, and not get all defensive, and I realize what an incredible opportunity, challenge, and service it is to serve God and "contribute to society" to boot - honestly, could there be a better contribution to society than well-loved, well-adjusted future adults? . For every reader who has not "heard the whispering voices" I have heard them plenty of times for all of us. Choosing to stay home is definitely a sacrifice- my husband is NOT raking in the dough, we have one very cheap vehicle, no cable tv, we don't run the air conditioner, clothes dryer, or dishwasher unless we're in a real bind, we can't eat out on a whim, all of our clothes are hand-me-downs (including mine and my husband's), or are hand-made. We haven't moved to a cheaper city yet, but it's an option. Do I wish I had these luxuries? Sometimes, but I am not willing to pay the true cost of these things. I know a lot of friends who say they'd love to stay home, but can't afford it (as if to say, by corrollary that my family can - well obviously we can, we're not doing this on a bank loan), I don't know what their husbands' incomes are, but they definitely have a lot more *stuff* than we do. <BR/><BR/> I know that there are people who truly can not afford to stay with their kids, but I think this speaks to bigger societal problems and doesn't negate the reality that the best thing for kids is a mom at home. <BR/>In fact, I think that a lot of the societal problems that make it so much harder for people to make ends meet are a result of our two-income society. That's a whole other essay... <BR/><BR/>Anyway, I've gone on much too long here, when all I really wanted to say was AMEN! to your excellent post. Enjoy your houseful of kiddies and keep up the good work,<BR/><BR/>Jennifer in TorontoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-81493252225319294302008-12-19T15:14:00.000-06:002008-12-19T15:14:00.000-06:00Thanks for this post.Thanks for this post.GeonHui's Bakeryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13708982835293734952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-12855399709766984412008-12-19T12:30:00.000-06:002008-12-19T12:30:00.000-06:00Perfectly said. I absolutely agree. Thank you fo...Perfectly said. I absolutely agree. Thank you for expressing what so many of us feel so beautifully and succinctly. I hope this post spreads far and wide. Blessings, best thoughts and thanks.<BR/>Warmly,<BR/>TraceyTracey McBride ~ Frugal Luxuries®https://www.blogger.com/profile/03043055986653442733noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-75723268654555368202008-12-19T11:18:00.000-06:002008-12-19T11:18:00.000-06:00Thank you SO much for this post! I am a first time...Thank you SO much for this post! I am a first time mom to a 5mo old. I, too, have felt pressure, probably mostly from myself, but also from a few of my non-christian friends to have "time for myself". And, at first I bought into the lie thinking that I NEEDED to get out of the house. This was especially hard for me since I'm traditionally a "social butterfly", if you will! ;) But, I made the decision to breastfeed and that definitly takes commitment. After one LONG(4hrs) outing that I had been convinced that I NEEDED and coming home to a sad baby and husband I vowed not to leave like that again - which I finally was comfortable with! What was the point?!? This is a new season of my life and I realized that it's OK to not HAVE to leave the house! I LOVE being at home and have found my purpose for this time of my life! And this post totally confirmed it!! Thank you, thank you, thank you and God bless!!Catiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00383687550373527504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-84971537438269570552008-12-19T08:03:00.000-06:002008-12-19T08:03:00.000-06:00Very well said! I am linking this post to my blog...Very well said! I am linking this post to my blog and adding you to my blog roll. <BR/><BR/>Blessings,<BR/>Dawnhomeschooldawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13597041122394558244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-15452431625801325972008-12-19T07:15:00.000-06:002008-12-19T07:15:00.000-06:00Thank you so much for this!!! I have been having t...Thank you so much for this!!! I have been having the same thoughts recently. And I have been taking steps to be at home more. I have had to start saying "no" to more and have unfortunately felt some judgment for that from the very people that should be mentors. But I have done so with peace in my heart knowing that I am doing what God would have me to do. I am also overseas with a deployed husband. So often I hear about how I should get out more and receive praise when I am out without the children. I wish more people understand that my children are not a burden for me but it is when I am with them, when I am being a "keeper" of my more that I am content.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-47391300993885408502008-12-18T22:18:00.000-06:002008-12-18T22:18:00.000-06:00I have been thinking a lot about this post. I agre...I have been thinking a lot about this post. I agree so much with what you wrote. I'd like to ask for your prayers for me on this. I am a pastor's wife and do feel the pressures to be more involved. I feel it most from other moms who are somehow "making it work" doing a lot of ministry opportunities and having children. I just can't justify it though! However, I admit that it can be hard to not be a part of the "popular" circles on a Sunday morning where all the women who do various activites throughout the week together hang out. Some of these women are involved in Bible Studies, MOPS, playdates womens retreat committee, womens breakfast coordinators, choir, couples groups, and social nights out. So there is a part of me that does ache when they are all chatting and telling funny stories and being rewarded for being so involved in various things.<BR/>Yet I do stay firm. Having worked with the high school kids in my church, I began to see that a lot of our "troubled" kids came from the very homes where the parents were considered leaders in our church. It truly caused me to stop and think. The students we found who were solid in their faith and grounded in true Biblical identity were ones from homes where their parents were not as well recognized within the church. I hold to this at times because those are the kids I'd love for my kids to become! <BR/>Also, I hate to "scare" other parents, but this goes with working with high schoolers as well. It is scary some of the things we've heard that have been done to young children within the church by Sunday School teachers, childcare workers, and other Christian parents. They open up about it once they are in high school. Please BE careful moms about who you leave your kids with!!! Don't think just because they are a familiar face in church, they are OK. Maybe I've heard to much, but just please be involved with who is in charge of your children!!!! These kids hurt because of what has happened to them and they show this hurt in various ways. All because mommy needed some "me-time" and was willing to leave her kiddos with anyone.<BR/>Wow! I was emotional about feeling left out at the beginning of this comment, but just writing out my reasons has renewed my strength and energy for what I hold as goals! Thank you! <BR/>I cried today as a mom called into our local Christian radio station and said that snow days are torture days for moms. How sad!<BR/>I found your blog a few weeks ago when we gave up TV! I've spent SO much time reading your various links and have been incredibly BLESSED by them. My husband is actually going to use some of them when he preaches his pro-life message on Sanctity of Life Sunday so THANKS!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-42453055338628176542008-12-18T16:23:00.000-06:002008-12-18T16:23:00.000-06:00I found this article very interesting. I definitel...I found this article very interesting. I definitely agree that a mom's place is at home, but I know from experience sometimes God does call us to minister outside of the home. When He does it's our obligation and priviledge to manage our time wisely and always put our family first. I'm a testament that it can be done. You can see my article regaurding ministering and working at home.<BR/>I'm blessed to have a boss who allows me to completely schedule my ministry around my families needs first. I never use a babysitter and I coordinate with my husbands schedule so he can disciple the kids while I'm gone.<BR/><BR/>http://strongquiver.blogspot.com/search/label/Working%20from%20Home%20and%20Homeschooling-Does%20it%20work%3FE-Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07655092952997028942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32444916.post-76282376475574770742008-12-18T12:58:00.000-06:002008-12-18T12:58:00.000-06:00Jess,I am a new reader but have really enjoyed you...Jess,<BR/><BR/>I am a new reader but have really enjoyed your blog thus far. Thanks for the encouragement. It's very timely. I was just talking with a close girlfriend of mine about this struggle the other day and was feeling very defeated. It's good to know I am not crazy because I LIKE being home with my child(ren)!<BR/><BR/>Thanks,<BR/>LaurenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com