"Discipline Your Child"...

... and he will give you peace ("rest", in some translations). He will bring delight to your soul." ~Prov 29:17

Does your child (or do your children) give you peace?
Does your child give you rest?
Delight in your soul?

As parents, especially first-time parents, look into parenting books, methods, advice, and try to make decisions about how to raise up their children, there are many opportunities to encounter really lousy advice. It can be difficult, in this age of TV psychologists and celebrity moms and PhD-toting "experts", to know what is right.

Rather than try to lay out specifics, if you are a first-time mom, or just beginning to make some of these life-impacting decisions about parenting and discipline, I just want to encourage you to ask yourself a few questions, about whatever advice you are contemplating.

(1) Does the advice you are following line up with what the Bible says about discipline?

Spend an afternoon at Biblegateway.com and do a word search on "discipline", for example. Read about various parents in the Bible-- Eli and his sons, how Solomon talks to his son as he gives advice in Proverbs, how Samson's parents interacted with him and what those results were. Take to heart the commands given to parents (Deut 6, throughout Proverbs, to church leaders in the epistles about what their kids should be like, in each of the Pauline letters-- how children should act, how parents should train/teach).

Look at the whole counsel of the Word of God as you consider these things.


(2) Do you know anyone in real life who follows the advice you are considering?

Are their kids pleasant to be around? Depending on the ages of their kids, are their young children generally joyful and obedient? Are their teenagers respectful, or rebellious? Are their adult children following God? Whether they have one or many children, would it be pleasant and encouraging to be around a large group of people like their children? This is not to say that there is some perfect parenting formula that will turn out perfect human beings-- of course not!

But on the whole, we should consider the "fruit" of those that we are considering following. If we want to do well in our marriage, we ask advice from people who have made wise choices and persevered and have a strong marriage. If I want to learn to bake or cook well, I strive to learn from those who do so, not from the person who cooks primarily out of cans and boxes, or who doesn't enjoy cooking.

Another point on this score is that internet advice, or book advice, can be good (in fact, I've been spurred on and encouraged by many godly mamas in online form)... but the proof is in the pudding, and it is much more helpful to have solid advice from a person you know and trust, than to have extensive advice from someone "out there" whose life you really don't know anything about.

(3) In general, do the people who follow this advice have families that are joyful? Peaceful? Rested? A blessing to the people around them?

It's not at all that I'm saying everything has to be roses and sunshine, or that godly families won't have struggles or moments of complete and utter humanity and failure. Medical situations come up, seasons of extra pressure or difficulty arise, and of course, we're dealing with sinful human beings (parents and children alike) and no one is perfect! But in general, what is the likely fruit of the advice you're following? Does it match up with what you desire for your family? Does it match up with what the Bible says you should desire for your family?


(4) Does following this advice put you at odds with, or strengthen your oneness with, your spouse?

Unless there is a situation of abuse or neglect (which is an entirely different matter and should be dealt with legally), we should seek to find a place of peace and agreement in how we parent our children, but in the end, we are to respect and submit to the leadership of our husbands. God made men and women different for a reason... and we may not see eye-to-eye on every single detail. Still, though they (and we) are imperfect, He gives husbands & fathers ultimate headship and responsibility for leading their families.

Many times, I have encountered young mothers who put themselves at odds with their husbands over this issue of discipline by taking a hard stance against the very methods their husbands would use. It is not difficult to find young wives online-- especially on message forums or blogs-- husband-bashing because their husbands, ultimately, desire the very thing Proverbs says that discipline will bring-- peace, rest, and delight-- to the home.


There may be other considerations that are important to you, but these are the ones that came to my mind as common "sticking points" for young parents as they consider how to raise their kiddos. I pray God's blessings and His wisdom (He promises to give it-- James 1:5) on you as you seek His guidance in these matters.

Welcome

Fairly soon, we'll have a new little boy joining our family. His name will be Moses Henry, and he'll join in on our family's shenanigans and multiply our joy and be used by God to change each of us. I pray and trust that God will use Moses, his life, his personality, and his gifts, to impact this world in remarkable ways.

As I get closer to delivering, I just wanted to share the lyrics to a song. You may remember my appreciation for Lori Chaffer's voice and writing style... here's a song of hers that's been resounding in my head the last week or so:

(Supposedly, you can listen to it here)

WELCOME
Welcome to this dusty land
Where you will cry lots but we'll all understand
Things may not turn out sometimes like you plan
That's all right, our little man

Welcome outside of your mother's womb
Well, I know that it's frightening, but now there's more room
Just think of all the great things you'll do
Just by you being you

I don't care what the world says about all this struggling
All I know is that now you're here, it's all lovely, lovely

I don't care about all the things that have troubled me
Now that you're here I remember life can be so lovely

Welcome to us, oh, our little song
You're one part your daddy, one part your mom
They're gonna help you grow up to be strong,
But for now, little guy, sleep well

I'm definitely ready to welcome our little man outside of his mother's womb (his due date is a bit squidgy, but I think I'm about 38 & 1/2 weeks right now, due sometime the first few days or week of July), but I also know that God will bring him at the right time, and our lives will eternally change to include this new little person He's given.

For now, I get to enjoy feeling him a little longer on the inside (which still totally rocks my world... He pushes and flops and kicks and it's wild to think that each jump or hiccup is from a little person who will be so significant to me for the whole of my life). It amazes me that God lets us partner with Him to create eternal souls-- it's marvelous the way that each person He makes gives yet another unique perspective on the amazing God Who makes us all in His image. God teaches me so much through these children, these blessings, these little one-of-a-kind souls.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, I am so excited to meet this new little man and have him be a part of our family.

Show & Tell: Clearing Out My Bloglines

One day last week, I went on a cleaning splurge with the kids... I woke up and told them, "today is gonna be a cleaning day." After breakfast, brooms began flying, appliances were wiped down, things that had been lost were found, furniture was rearranged... and by 11:30 or so, we'd made quite a big impact on the apartment. The whole living space looked different and we all enjoyed the fruit of our labor!

Today, I feel like doing the same thing with my Bloglines account. So here we go, here's a link-sharing festival of just the articles I've saved in my Bloglines blog reader. Enjoy!

FEATURE ARTICLE:
Our culture downplays the pressure of living life as a "modern, successful woman"-- Aifric Campbell shares about the major transition of her life, going from career woman to mother (a few excerpts, and then the link) :

I had a seven-figure salary but worked so hard I rarely had time to spend it. Personal shoppers at Harrods and Harvey Nichols picked out my Max Mara suits and Gucci leather briefcases. Everything revolved around work.
...
I had always wanted a family and was thrilled when I became pregnant in February 1998. I was 36. I didn't tell a soul because I didn't want allowances to be made. Instead I simply wore longer dresses and my male colleagues didn't notice a thing.
...
Oscar was born, and I fell in love instantly. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming passion I felt for the tiny bundle in my arms. It seems totally mad but, even though I loved Oscar to bits, it never crossed my mind not to return to work as soon as possible.

Oscar was two weeks old when I was invited back into work - to be told that I had been promoted... and I was thrilled. I really felt it proved I could have it all - a gorgeous new baby, a fantastic career, a loving, supportive husband.

But I was also in a state of total, bone-crushing exhaustion. As the days ticked by, I felt increasingly torn between my new baby and my return to the office.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE.

ENCOURAGING & CHALLENGING LINKS:

• Mary Grace shares her thoughts after encountering anti-large-family bumper stickers.
• When God (graciously) won't leave us alone, we know it's because He loves us. It's still not easy to continue submitting to the sanctification He seeks to bring about in our lives!
• Terry wrote about the ongoing struggle: taming the beast of the internet, and how it can control us if we're not careful.
• In a related article, Jennifer wrote some helpful thoughts about taking an internet fast.
  
• Dumb as sheep-- this story hit close to home, both geographically (we live in Turkey) and spiritually (as I try to follow the Good Shepherd but am, like the songwriter said, "prone to wander")
• Building a biblical worldview... Alcorn is always so encouraging in this area!
  

MISCELLANEOUS INTERESTING & INFORMATIVE LINKS:

• Many of you may already know about Amy, of Amy's Humble Musings, and how her family has planned and saved for years to transition from city life to life on a farm. Here are two posts I found interesting, where she shares about that transition to life on a farm and what they've learned in the first year.
• Wired for intimacy: how the male brain is affected by, and geared towards, sexual imagery... and how viewing pornography rewires the brain's inner workings
  
• Dr. Mohler shared his thoughts on how the origins of abortion rights were often intertwined with bigotry: Abortion, Race, Ethics, and the American Conscience
• Pornography: The Difference Being a Parent Makes-- an interesting exchange in the business world points to ethical problems with pornography
• Would it help you to have a step-by-step list of home cleaning tasks?
  
• Top Ten Job Markets for young adults
• The Early Church fathers had an interesting approach to drawing in the youth of their day-- here's an excerpt:
  

  How did the Fathers do it? They made wild promises.
  
  They promised young people great things, like persecution, lower social status, public ridicule, severely limited employment opportunities, frequent fasting, a high risk of jail and torture, and maybe, just maybe, an early, violent death at the hands of their pagan rulers.
  
  The Fathers looked young people in the eye and called them to live purely in the midst of a pornographic culture. They looked at some young men and women and boldly told them they had a calling to virginity. And it worked. Even the pagans noticed how well it worked. CONTINUE READING HERE.
  

• Abortion Changes You-- A new ad campaign; have you seen anything like this in your city?
  
• Sometimes events in our world make it easy to see the rapid moral decline our culture is experiencing: Apparently a growing number of women pursue pregnancy via IVF (in-vitro fertilization), but then decide they don't want to be pregnant and after becoming pregnant through IVF, opt for abortion.
• Randy Alcorn offers valuable thoughts, written and videoed, for our consideration: Protecting Our Children in a Modern-Day Corinth
  

HOMESCHOOLING & EDUCATION:

• Here's a review of a "Web Design for Kids" program... sounds interesting!
• Collection of free homeschool resources: worksheets, lesson plans, unit studies and more!
• Ideas for teaching kids about the weather
• From National Geographic: lesson plans, craft ideas and more for teaching geography
  
• "I want to homeschool, but I'm afraid"-- Jennifer asked readers to address 12 common concerns for people looking into homeschooling
  

CRAFTY LINKS:

• Lucy's blog is an incredibly inspirational place! She crochets like the dickens (seriously, I don't know how she finds the time!), and her blog is where I was inspired to make the colorful, flowery granny-square blanket I made (pictured above) for myself in the winter (to be fair, it started out for "Violet" but then the doc told us she'd made a mistake and we were actually expecting a boy).
• Maternity clothes-- two great ideas I meant to try but didn't get around to, and now it's too late for me: Refashion jeans into a maternity skirt, Turn a big shirt into a maternity shirt
• Container Gardening-- it's the only kind of gardening I can do right now... but it's great for herbs and smaller plants!
• Make your own bath toy bag.
  
• Turn a sock into a baby rattle-- super cute idea!
• Make your own car playmat for the floor-- my mother-in-law had done this for her sons (my husband and his two brothers) a couple decades ago, and our sons still enjoy playing with it. She also adapted this idea to make a "ranch" playmat (with buildings, stock tank, grove of trees, stream, etc.), to use with toy animals. It's a great idea, and for us as overseas' dwellers, it's a great, easily portable toy!
• Easy and cute homemade travel high chair-- I really do intend to make this at some point... it would be very useful for our family, particularly in certain seasons of life (when doing a lot of travel with a 12-18 month old).'
• OR- recover your home's high chair with an updated, fun fabric!
  

COOKING LINKS:

• I loved this cake decorating series: Part 1- Baking, stacking, and icing; Part 2- Making and coloring fondant; Part 3- Covering a cake with fondant-- it's something I've been trying to learn more about this year, seeing as how we're celebrating more and more birthdays around here. :)
• Keeping the kitchen clean WHILE you cook... goodness knows I need to learn to do this!
• Homemade whole wheat tortilla tutorial-- probably not necessary if you live in the States, but for us overseas gals, especially us overseas gals from Texas, tortillas are a must-have, at least occasionally!
  
• It's good for us to think carefully and critically about what we eat, and what we're feeding our families... but it can also become a point of unhealthy focus or unnecessary guilt. Terry tackled the issue in her article and the conversation that continued in the comments.

A Great Book on Breastfeeding

Today I again began a classic book that was among precious few that I initially brought overseas with us: The Nursing Mother's Companion. What a gem!

As I was reading it this afternoon, I realized I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this book here at Making Home. Each time we have a newborn, I pull this book out to have as a ready reference for the first few weeks. Kathleen Huggins deals in detail with preparing for breastfeeding (i.e., what to look for in a nursing bra, how to share information with the people around you so that they understand your desire to breastfeed), offers encouragement to the mom-to-be about benefits and blessings of nursing, specific instructions on nursing positions and basic how-tos of breastfeeding, and (what I appreciate most, and why I pull it back out with each new baby) has a large section of the book devoted to how to deal with potential challenges and problems that may arise.

I still remember the full month of mastitis I experienced when breastfeeding my first baby. I can remember tears streaming down my face as I nursed him, because of the horrible pain. I wondered if it would ever stop. Huggins' suggestions (like warm compresses, and air-drying after feedings) turned things around and also gently encouraged me that this, too, would pass. I remember having my husband read the instructions from Huggins' book out loud to me as I tried to position the baby correctly.

As modern moms, we encounter such conflicting advice, and it is so easy to make decisions that will end up thwarting your desire to breastfeed your baby. Following bad advice can negatively affect your milk supply, or end up discouraging you at just the times that you may need to press on. Having breastfed all of our kiddos past a year, I definitely am pro-nursing, and it makes me sad just how many times well-meaning relatives (or even doctors!!!, which completely baffles me) end up hurting a mom's chances to nurse long-term by giving bad advice, or sharing stories that aren't actually relevant to the mom who is struggling through those early weeks with a new baby. That's why a book like this is just so valuable... Huggins helps to address real concerns, real pains, and gives point-by-point specifics on what to look for to accurately identify which issue you're facing, and then offers well-tried, step-by-step details about how to solve the problem.

My old version has cheesy pictures and dated illustrations, but the information inside is just so helpful. In the back there is also a drug-interaction chart that is helpful for those middle-of-the-night headaches or pains when you want to run to the medicine cabinet but aren't sure if it will pass through breastmilk. (Incidentally, it looks as if there's a 25th anniversary edition coming out soon.)

If you're a pro at nursing, you may not need this book, but if you're a new mom or soon-to-be, I highly recommend this book. It's been invaluable in our home!

On My Mind... Approaching Baby Time

As I get closer to delivering our fifth child (yes, that's me at 35 weeks or so-- the pic is 2-3 weeks old), just as other times before, there are things I do, think about, or remind myself of in order to prepare for this new addition. So I'm just going to do a brain dump of the things on my mind. More to remind myself... but also to just share.

* I've almost fully stocked the freezer again this go-round-- chicken pocket sandwiches, taco pockets (the same idea but with taco meat inside), egg rolls, banana bread, chocolate chip cookie dough, several varieties of marinated chicken breasts, Louisiana Chicken Pasta sauce, it's all there. Yum. It's about 20 meals' worth of stuff, and I'm trying not to eat it all up before he arrives. :)

* The clothes are washed, folded, and ready. And they are CUTE. It's amazing how quickly I forget just how tiny a newborn is... I can't wait to see his barely-there chunkiness and floppy limbs and sleepyheaded cuteness all in those fun little onesies and sleepers.

* I'm re-reading Babywise, for what must be at least my sixth or seventh full read-through, over these last 8-9 years of my life. It's so practical and full of common sense... I'm looking forward to using it with another new person joining our family! And yes, of course, I know it's controversial. Regardless, for our family, it's been a great blessing, as I've shared before. But hey, as we've had people say, maybe we just got "lucky". ;) Anyway, I'm reminding myself of one key principle:

• Shoot for full feedings. In those early days, as Ezzo says, "ditch the clock" and just focus on fully feeding that baby each time they nurse; try to avoid "snacking". In the first few weeks, just keeping him well-fed and stimulating my milk production will be enough to focus on. After that, we'll fairly naturally settle into an every-2-&-1/2 hours-or-so feeding cycle during the day. And hopefully soon thereafter, we'll all enjoy extended night time sleep as well. :)

* I made some pacifier keepers for my soon-coming little man. (I loosely followed this tutorial.) They were so easy and so much fun to make and are way cute; I can't wait to use them!
* Gas drops. Miracle juice. Instant-quiet-in-a-dropper. Whatever you want to call it, each time we have a newborn in the home, I'm so thankful for simethicone. It doesn't enter the blood stream, so it's safe for use throughout the day with even little babies, and wow- it makes a heap of difference (or has for our children) in helping soothe their little tummies. Which reminds me, I need to be sure we have enough in reserve or have my mom bring some more when she comes.

* Slings. I washed them and they're ready to go. Before my last baby, I'd only ever used those strap-and-buckle carrier contraptions, and though they can be handy for long outings or for dad's use, I don't know why it took me so long to try a sling. Anyway, last go-round, I made some for myself and just love them. I can't wait to have my little man snuggled in close when we go for walks or are out in stores. It's so handy, and living overseas (where people LOVE to touch and grab babies, and sometimes even walk off with them-- to go show their family or friends the cute little foreign baby), it's nice when they're still so little to have them a bit more inaccessible by keeping them close.

* Carseats in the van. Something minor on my mind: is it time for a new carseat configuration/seating arrangment? It's nice to have an older sibling nearby to reposition a pacifier or talk sweetly to the new little one, if need be. So we may or may not be readjusting the current set-up of carseats.

* We've now had three of those 4D face photos, and they are amazing. His little face is so cute! I can't get over the technology of these sonograms. Here, they do sonograms at every visit, and my doc is fond of doing the 4D face shot at each appointment, so we've gotten some good ones. I just keep staring at the photos and am ready to meet my little man, whenever he wants to come.

* As for me: we're now officially in the waiting zone. Yes, I'm past 37 weeks. No, I'm not dilating yet. Yes, I'm having mild contractions each evening, but no, they don't (to me) feel productive. He's already really low, in my opinion, so maybe things will start to move along. I'd welcome him whenever he's ready and healthy, but definitely don't want to artificially start things up at a time when it wouldn't be good for his lungs or when it would cause problems for him. So at this point, it's just a hot (we don't have A/C and man it's getting humid here!) waiting game.

Anything else I should be thinking about/planning for/something I've missed/something you want to share?

Labeling vs. Loving

The last couple weeks, something's happened. Something good.

Amidst all the stresses of the last few months... sickness... bizarre infections stemming from those sicknesses... an unexpected move... a few trips to the ER (one just two days ago with my littlest guy!)... general exhaustion from being pregnant... unpacking our house... getting geared up for another baby... dealing with heat without a/c... and whatever else life normally puts on our plates, I realized recently that I was just surviving through each day. Not to say I didn't enjoy my kids... and not to say I was a complete grump... but my tone got really firm and jaded (this was helpful for that), my plans took precedence over being responsive or spontaneous, and somewhere along the way, I became highly susceptible to annoyance and provocation.

But the last few weeks, after taking a break from our school work (they were ahead anyway), and having a nice family vacation (it was so needed and so enjoyable), and intentionally trying to just love them, I noticed something-- I AM falling back in love with my kids. And they're wonderful little people. Hilarious. Quirky. Curious. Fun to be around. Interesting. Interested. Precious. All these months, I was just surviving, and just barely getting by, when I could have been enjoying them, laughing with them, and spending time serving and loving them.Last night, as I was reflecting on this change in perspective, I realized it was as if, in my mind, I had stamped each child with a label of their worst behavior. Just like that game show from a few years back- "you ARE the weakest link"... I had stamped each child in my mind: "you ARE whiny and dramatic." "You ARE mischievous and trouble-prone." "You ARE prone to emotional, irrational displays of temper." Now-- I need to clarify-- that's not an accurate picture ofmy kids. It's perhaps an accurate description, sometimes, of some of their worst moments. But in my view, they had become entwined with those things, and I sat ready to pounce on those behaviors, the moment I saw them crop up. Anytime I saw those things, it fed my perception and fueled my anger. And you know what else? Even in the moments when they were just acting normal, that perception colored nearly all of my interactions with them.

Instead, what I've started trying to do in recent weeks is to focus on the 1 Corinthians 13 passage as I reflect on how to interact with my kiddos:

• Am I patient with them?
• Am I kind to them?
• Do I show envy or boasting about them or towards them?
• Do I demand my own way all the time, or do I say "yes" to them when I can?
• Do I rejoice in their sin?
• Do I keep score of their wrongs? (like my "stamping" I talked about earlier!)
• Do I delight in the truth?
• Do I bear difficult things graciously?
• Am I hopeful in my interactions with them? Do I teach them to hope in God?
  
• Do I choose to believe them, or am I suspicious and distrustful?
• Do I endure in difficult times, or will I fail them by giving up and giving in to my own selfishness?

I'm trying to focus on loving them, and the more I do, the more that I find that my love for them grows. So I'm gonna keep working on it. Cause they're worth it. They're awesome little people. And I want to love them more.


{End note: I debated about whether or not to share this; it feels so personal. I love my children and am so thankful for each one of them... but I wanted to encourage other moms-- that we all get stuck in ruts sometimes, that stress can rob us of joy, and that we can "get our groove back" in relationships that are wonky. We don't have to settle into a bad habit and just assume that "that's the way our relationship is now". We can choose to love. As Christians, we MUST choose to love. And when we do, joy and delight come.}