It's easy to know what the will of God is when your faced with temptations like lying on your resume, being unfaithful to your husband or wife, or cheating on your taxes. Some things aren't so easy, aren't so explicitly known. Birth control is one of those issues. Continuing the discussion of birth control use by Christians that we've discussed over this last week, I want to go a little deeper into how we might determine God's will in implicit situations, where His Word doesn't say, "Thou shalt not use condoms", or "Let prudence be used by all to determine their family size." HIGHER STAKES
When you're talking about other gray areas, for example, whether to buy a new house or take a new job, there may be as many biblical reasons to buy the house or take the job as there are reasons to stay in the one you've got. The Word doesn't spell out a specific guideline that's the same for everyone about this issue. However, I see one very KEY and CRITICAL difference between the determination of God's will regarding a new house or job and the determination of God's will regarding birth control, and it is this: house and job decisions have much lower stakes. Those kinds of decisions will not determine whether or not a human being is ever conceived.
There are some questions to consider that have some critical implications for what we believe about the sovereignty of God:
IF (and this is a big if) there is some implied standard in the Word that because children are a blessing and everyone must therefore partake of as many blessings as possible, THEN is the at-large Christian community intentionally and willfully bucking the will of God for our own ease?
HUGE IMPLICATIONS ABOUT GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY
If we believe that God has a decisive, over-arching intent for His people regarding birth control, specifically, that we are to trust Him with the opening and closing of the womb, we must tackle certain questions that come up due to life in a fallen world:
* Is it then God's will for someone like Andrea Yates to have continued having children, regardless of her own personal health and mental stability? What about someone who has extrememly difficult pregnancies (say, with gestational diabetes), where symptoms must be monitored and medication is requred, must that woman then endure a possible 10-15 pregnancies over a lifetime of fertile years just to be in the will of God? (the implied question: is there ever a situation where health ought to out-weigh what one believes to be the authoritative will of God?)
* Do we then believe that there are people that God wills to be created that are not being created? (implied question: is man able to thrwart the will of God in not just a life-or-death issue--like abortion--but even a exist-or-not-exist issue?)
* What happens when one spouse wants this but another spouse doesn't? If it's the man that's "quiverfull", is he to force that will on the one who will actually carry, deliver, and nurse the child? OR, if it's the woman that's "quiverfull", is she supposed to willfully not submit to the will of her husband and sneakily conceive a child despite her husband's guidance?
If, on the other hand, one believes that each couple ought to have the freedom to make this determination, there are several things to consider:* Why has God given us this option now, when for nearly 6,000 years, that determination was left in the hands of God? (Implied questions: What makes us different? and In what circumstances ought we do different than our forbears?)
* If one comes to the decision that it is permissible to limit one's family size, which options are acceptable? If the Pill or an IUD admittedly works as an abortifacient, is this an option for a Christian? If NFP works by abstaining from one's spouse on a regular basis, is this an option for a Christian, in light of 1 Cor. 7:4-5?
* How do we KNOW when it's acceptable? Even if we "feel peace about a decision", the Bible says that, "the human heart is deceitfully wicked, who can know it?" So how do we really evaluate our own motives and opinions on the issue?
Please don't mistake me to be making a value judgment one way or another. But if one is going to take on this determination, it is indeed a heavy weight to bear. This is such a hard issue, one that must be treated with grace and sensitivity as we dialogue with others. At the same time, because of the high stakes involved with the possible conception or non-conception of image bearers of God, we must treat this issue with sobriety and the willingness to submit to God's will regardless of the perceived "prudence" or desires that would have one choose one option over another.
I'd love to have you join me in these theoretical and theological discussions of God's ultimate will; one cautionary word, though: let's do it graciously.
16 comments:
I appreciate your willingness to dive into this difficult issue. I think that one thing to remember is that this is not a salvation issue. God's grace has completely saved those that are His. Nothing that we can do can take us out of His hand. So, as we look at this issue we must not approach it in a works-based way. We are already loved and accepted because of Jesus perfect sacrifice for us on the cross. After saying all that, I still think that this is an important issue. I have to admit that I have not come to a firm conviction one way or the other about all forms of birth control. I think that in gray areas you have to examine your heart motivation. Are you in a place of submission to the Father? Could this be an area of freedom? Are you laying a heavy burdon on others or yourself that the Lord did not intend for you to bear? Just some thoughts. I really like your blog. Your love for the Lord is a great encouragement.
Birth control is *not* a modern issue. People have used a wide variety of contraception pretty much since the beginning of written history. And since the formation of the Christian Church until around the turn of the century, birth control has been uniformally condemned (and viewed as equivalent to abortion and infanticide, which were also popular methods of "family planning" at various times in history). So, I think that saying "God put me in this time when I can choose to not have children means it's ok" is a rather misleading argument. People have been choosing to avoid children for many thousands of years--we're not special. ;)
If we are different, it's because we have so many *fewer* serious reasons to avoid having children. Even a 'poor' American is a million times better off than the Hebrews when they were captives in Babylon and Egypt, and no matter how hard things were for the Hebrews, God approved and encouraged their incredible fruitfulness in childbearing!
God bless,
Margaret
hello jess! just found your blogs off sonlight boards and thought i'd pop over to say hello! I have only had a few minutes to skim your blog, but when i get a chance i will sit down and delve in. I am hooked already! :) And by the way, can I just say, you are beautiful! :) And you look like a good friend.
Speaking of birth control..I am 32 and just now, after 11 yrs of marriage, starting to question wether I should be 'controlling' this or not..and yet, i have to say, the thought of going off scares me..for various reasons including using bc as pain control for endo, being very sick in pregnancy, etc. And yet...I am just praying, Lord, show me YOUR truth. thanks for the very thought provoking postings i have read so far. i look forward to getting to 'know you' abit. darci :)
This is a great post. My husband and I are trying to weigh this issue Scripturally. We had our fifth child a year ago and love children. I have asked many people I respect for their good doctrine, how they can justify birth control Biblically, I haven't had a good answer yet. I am honestly seeking. I have heard and read much of the "full quiver" folks. Hubby and I see the Biblical principals of trusting God for family size. But, like you said, does that mean we can do nothing to space children or stop because of health reasons. I have tough pregnancy's, but nothing life threatening. I really want to know what is Biblical in this.
Wouldn't it be nice if Christians could come to the table in a civilized way and discuss these issues. There is a lot of name calling on both sides when people start talking about birth control.
Mist, you have hit the nail on the head.
Lately I've heard some comments about British people that have really intrigued me. I've heard stories of Britains who will debate very passionately but remain friends. This just doesn't happen very often in America. Particularly on high-emotion issues that impact people in their personal lives like this issue.
It is a hard enough issue to weigh out, without all the emotional rhetoric and personal attacks or feelings entering into it.
Thanks for your comments.
Jess
Darci,
Thanks for your kind words. Those sonlight forums are so much fun! I'm learning so much from all those great women there.
I'm glad this post gives you food for thought. Like I said, and try to keep repeating, I've not come to any hard conclusions. It may be obvious (just because of my consistent focus on it) the direction I'm starting to lean... but this is a hard issue to weight out and grapple with. I'm glad other people want to talk about it and think it through too! Welcome and I hope to see you around here and over at Sonlight! :)
Blessings,
Jess
Hi, I just found your blog. I'm past the age of bearing children, so in some ways this discussion isn't relevant to me. Yet, I have children of that age and I pray for more than one grandchild. :)
My husband, an ordained minister in a conservative denomination, has said for a number of years that his "quiver was full with three children." We lost our 4th child due to a miscarriage in our 5th year of marriage - I believe I have a son waiting for me in heaven. We had 3 children in 3 years and my doctor told us that I was capable of continuing a pregnancy each year for a long time. I look back and say Thank You Father for 3 children that I know very well and that I could be very involved in their lives, rather than 15 children that I would have been too exhausted to know as intimately. Yes, his quiver - and mine! - was full at 3.
Much of what a person believes about birth control rests on their view of God. Is He sovereign - or am I, are we as a couple? Can I really prevent a person from being conceived or born, a person that God wants here on the earth? (Preventing the birth of a child that God wants to be born also may mean preventing the births of thousands of others He wants born - so who really is in control, sovereign over the birth of children?) Of my 4 children, not one was conceived while I was NOT using birth control. In other words - God is a whole lot stronger than a pill or a condom or any other form of birth control. I know another young man who was born to an older mother years after she had her tubes tied. God is the one who creates a person, gives them life, a soul, personality - everything! I firmly believe that not one of His children will be missing in heaven at the end of time. They will all have been conceived, although not all will reach birth or adulthood. But each will give glory to Him forever and ever. (Sometimes this knowledge is the only thing that sustains me emotionally when I grapple with the knowledge of the huge number of abortions carried out all over the world each year. God will not forget those children....)
Yet I agree - using any form of birth control is something that needs to be prayerfully thought out between a man and his wife. God calls some to parent large families, some to parent smaller ones. We were supposed to have 3 - so He took our 4th home to be with Him immediately. It was not an easy decision for us to take permanent steps but I am glad now that we did.
(Sorry this is so long!)
Colorado,
I really appreciate your comments. It is insightful to ask, "is God, or are we, sovereign when it comes to the # of children we'll have?"
Concerning this whole birth control discussion: I find myself more concerned *NOT* that everyone come to the same conclusion, or that everyone must come to our conclusion... but that I want to encourage people to consider it an issue worthy of prayer, discussion, research in the Word, and more prayer. Too many people just chalk it up to the same level of consideration as, say, a pet. If I want one, I'll get one; if not, I won't... and whose business is it one way or the other? Many, MANY Christians, friends of mine even, just keep this as an extremely closely-held personal decision. And it ought to be done much more prayerfully than that.
Blessings,
Jess
I am reminded about what G.K. Chesterton said on the matter, "There is no birth and there is no control."
Suzanne
Great Blog!
As a birth mom to two boys and adoptive mom to two girls, this issue really hits home with me. After two horrible prgnancies and serious birth complications, we were advised to do the "snip snip." So after struggling to birth my second son, the dr asked me if I wanted it done and in a moment of insanity I said yes, and it was done. I left the hospital with a wonderful baby boy, but a feeling of emptiness that I just couldn't explain. But when I would try to talk to others about it I was given the "you did the right thing speech."
Our sons were 3 and 18 months when the longing for another child began to hit me. We ended up becoming foster parents and adopting two little girls and the emptiness still hasn't left me! I would advise others to take their time in making these decisions, considering their future not just the present.
Blessings,
Karla
Jess, I have been searching all morning for good Christian websites regarding the use of birth control. I am not married yet, but I have always tried to seek God's will in my life, and He has been working on this area of my life for some time. About the time that I started surrendering different areas of my life to Christ, He brought the man I am going to marry right to me. He is a preacher, and we hope to be married very soon, knowing that God has created us for each other, by His great design. Nevertheless, this topic of marriage can sometimes lead to talking/discussing children. We are seeking God's answers to the question of birth control, condom use, etc. in our marriage.
Thank you for offering some insight on this topic. My mother is already against me in this (though she is against me in almost every area in which the Holy Spirit speaks and convicts my heart..), but I am ready and willing to offer my body as a living sacrifice for Christ.
Through the reading I have done on your website, I am starting to realize that it could truly be a matter of the heart. I don't know for sure if God will give me 15 children, but if I leave my heart opento Him and His will, it may only be to give me 4 children. I am not sure.. I did hear a man say one time this wise advice that I think could be applied to this idea of contraceptives, except his comment was concerning Missions..
He said something to the effect of.. God is not always going to call you the jungles of Africa or the farthest place in China to be a missionary. He just wants your heart to be willing and submissive to Him in this area.. knowing that He COULD call you away anytime to serve Him.... IN effect, His will may be for you to willing and submissive to Him for anything, though He may have just called you to stay right where you are..
I hope I explained that well enough! Anyway, Thanks again for putting this online. It is good to know that I haven't just dreamed this up and that there ARE actually other people in the world who the Lord is speaking to about it..
Thanks for doing all this research and posting these thoughts! I've been in the same position, wanting to think biblically on the issue of family planning and understanding those with other views. We are letting God plan our family, 2 boys, about 2 years apart so far...
It seems that many of us have become too much like the world in the way we think about families. Smaller are easier, more manageable financially, spiritually, and culturally. We don't know how to live as a large family (I grew up with just 1 sibling), we don't want to ask for help when we need it (I definitely err on the prideful side), and we want to rely on God less and work harder ourselves. I've still got a TON to learn, but from scripture, it seems that the more we trust in the Lord, the more he will provide. This does not mean that we are exempt from any sort of responsibility, MUCH will be required of us! Our husbands will have to work hard to provide, as wives we'll have more work in the home, as spiritual shepherds of our children, we'll have more to pray for and train in the WAY!
I'm reading Raising Your Children for Christ, by Andrew Murray and am realizing the GREAT responsibility we have in caring for our children, yikes!! The Lord is faithful and we are in need of Him more than ever, the further along we get in this parenting journey.
Anyway, thanks for this blog and I'm sure I'll be checking in again soon!!
in Christ,
sara
Jess,
I really thank God you started this blog. I have been searching out resources concerning the use of birth control for about a year(since I had my first child, a difficult labor, and some serious post-partum depression). Being "quiver-full" minded seemed like a great and godly idea until I went through my own personal misery after having my first child. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my child and I have enjoyed her beyond what I ever imagined. However, after deciding to quit my job to stay home to take care of her, my husband and I went through financial struggles, which also motivated me to do my own research on this issue so I could be sure if letting God plan my family was the thing to do.
I read Mary Pride's "The Way Home" and have looked at a host of other web sites and articles on the issue. I can't say that I am completely settled, but I will tell you that at this point, even after all I have been through, I don't feel that I could use any birth control. Like someone else said on this blog, I still haven't found any sound biblical evidence to support B.C. It seems that God is pro having the babies. I would even say that God seems to be for ALOT of them "blessed is the man whose quiver is FULL of them" and "Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord...thy wife shall be like a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:thy children like olive plants round about thy table"(psalm 127 & 128). It seems to me, as you have stated, the issuein our day seems to be more about our ease and comfort, the American Dream, and everything that feminism has indocrinated both men and women with. So, at this point I just can't see how birth control is God's will or even okay with him.
Some of the comments that address the question: "Can I really prevent a person from being conceived or born, a person that God wants here on the earth?" concern me. I think its easy for us as humans to say, "Of course not. God is more powerful than us, he wouldn't allow us to do that." However, I think this question is similar to the question, "Does God need our prayers?" I would argue, yes, God needs our prayers and there are things that won't get done if a human does not intercede(Abraham's prayers got God to spare the city...Hezekiah's prayer got him 15 more years of life), because God has given humans power and dominion over the earth. He is running the earth through our prayers. I think if my lack of prayer can hinder the will of God in the earth, then my lack of letting my work the way God created it to by using BC to aviod procreation can affect the existence of people on the earth God wanted hear.
God gave man and women the power to create an immortal soul and I think its possible that if we don't create them, it doesn't mean God is going to find another way to create them...it was our responisiblity, we didn't do it, we will be judged. I know this sounds harsh, but I think its to serious of a matter not to consider.
Its great to see other people talking and thinking about this. Thanks for this blog. God bless you and your family!
Wow I so appreciate this discussion...first off Amen to this discussion! It is done with truthfullness,seriouseness to some very important questions that for some like me aren't so clear in the bible.
God in His kindness and mercy has blessed us with 4 beautiful children- thank you Lord for each one of them! =) But I have had 4 c-sections and my last 2 pregnacies were quite physically draining and painful at the end as I felt pain from preasssure of baby in area where my previouse inscissions were made. But God so blessed my last c-section in such a way that I actually felt better recovering from my 4th then my first. Nonetheless it is major surgery and each woman heals differently. I have 3-4 doctors in my practice 1 who is more inclined to allow for more depending on how the uterus looks another who tends to be on the cautiouse side and remind me of my risks with each c-section. It isn't easy making descissions like this when even some doctors have diffrent opinions about it. But it's clear that with each c-section there is risk as it is major surgery, mainly after multiple c-sections. So for someone who has had to have all 4 of our blessing via c-section we felt it to be God's will for us to really consider His will for more children because of possible risk to my life. We wish it was just so clear but Im so very thankful that God in His mercy and kindness gave man wisdom to be able to deliver babies by c-section or else Im not sure i or my children would be here.
I think we have to look at the whole counsel of the word of God...we are to be good stewards of what he has given to us, we must preserve life etc... but that each and every family is unique and God's plan for one may not be His plan for another. Im not sure if I could bare 8 children not because i don't desire 8 but because god allowed it for our family that all to be delieverd via c-section. But that aside God has made each of us so differently. can my husband responsible provide for 8 children and still be part of our lives here at home? Can I handle 8 children without feeling I can barely get by? Does God want me to live this way though i trust him and am walking in his way? So many questions that aren't clear but principles are clear and for each family to walk by faith trusting there kind Lord will make it clear one way or another.
Children are a blessing and in this day and age it doesn't seem to be looked on as such. So when we seek God's will for our family's it should be done with wisdom, soberly considering our own decietful hearts but also searching scripture and providence and having faith god will lead you to his will for your family.
God bless you for seeking to make some very good and important pts.
Interesting perspective.
I feel that sometimes people confuse Biblical culture with Biblical instruction. I will admit that I haven't looked up every verse in the Bible that mentions children and haven't yet formed an opinion on this. But in reading other peoples comments and this blog, a few thoughts came to mind:
In ancient civilizations, having many children was crucial to survival in a variety of ways. For one, land ownership. For another, a simple matter of 'survival of the fittest'--child mortality was and remains high in impoverished, underdeveloped countries. So are large birth rates. The earth was much much less populated, too. This certainly isn't an argument in favor of "population control," but a simple pragmatic observation. Small populations surrounded by massive natural resources are almost inevitably, barring natural disaster, going to increase in number. The converse is true as well: witness Japan.
So, you can see how a man looking around a table full of children would recognize that as a symbol of God's blessing.
Wealth, a healthy portfolio, personal freedoms or human rights--these weren't considerations or tools by which they evaluated God's blessings. God's grace was revealed to them in familiar and recognizable ways.
It just seems to me like today, in a completely different culture, we would recognize God's gifts through different mediums. Anointing our heads with oil today--we aren't likely to see that as a receipt of God's blessing. Storing up a large dowry to go along with a wife: it's mentioned in the Bible, but not part of our culture. Having a purple robe? It just doesn't signify what it used to. (I know, I'm probably missing some major examples of blessings from God, but this is just an off-the-cuff reaction...)
I am also a little sketchy on the 'no interference with God's natural plan' idea because it seems as if this is a problem that strictly developed, wealthy nations face. In the world's poorest areas, a woman who watches three of her nine babies starve to death and two die of AIDS does not feel that the 10th is a blessing when the food intended for four remaining children is negligible when shared among five, and she consequently starves leaving the remaining children orphaned. There are horrific, unimaginable fates that fall on some infants in Africa--crimes that are condoned by local folklore. It's not that I question God's sovreignty, but what confuses me is what if condoms are God's answer to these problems? What if God has given us a tool and the discernment to use it, and we don't because we feel we challenge His sovreignty?
It's such a sketchy area. I think there is no one-size-fits-all answer. I also think we would do well to avoid prescribing that sort of answer to all Christians, everywhere. In our massively wealthy country, it is easy to talk about blessings and sacrifices. But we don't endure what other people endure, and we really don't know the same type of cost or sacrifice. Not even close.
Hello,I was just musing over this issue today myself. I am a mother of three children, and I am constantly in the air as to whether or not "planning" children is in line with the heart of God or not. I see myself as the mother of several children, but don't know if there is enough of me to go around! Then I sit there and argue and say, well you don't manage your time very well, you probably could manage more children if you weren't so lazy! Then I feel guilty for not being a good steward of my time, and hence, should important decisions like child conception come from my desire to be selfish and wanting to reserve time for me to waste? And then I go "but...look at the laundry, and the grocery bill, and the house size!!!"and I start the argument all over!
I am coming to the decision that it is a discipleship decision that each believer must come to when the Lord brings it to their attention. Also, we(American Christaians) like to disagree about issues like this I think sometimes to keep ourselves apart from each other. That we would rather put up with division in the body of Christ over arguments like this one, than agree to disagree and love each other anyway. Arguing over it may be a sort of spiritual insecurity. "She believes in using the pill, she must not be as good of a Christian woman as I am.." Like we each feel we have to prove our level of spirituality to God by how many children we are willing to have! AND make sure we point out other people who don't want children as much as we do...(i am speaking this tongue in cheek, not as a realy slam...)
Can we decide this for ourselves, and only include others insofar as discussion is encouraging, Scriptural, and above all God-honoring?
Thanks for the insights!
Laura
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