Birth Controlled
Lately I've been doing a lot of reading about the ethics of birth control, family size, what the Bible has to say about children, and what the various positions on this are of people from different denominational and experiential backgrounds. This whole issue of Christians, birth control, and having a marriage that's open to children is being examined by people all over the internet. Some of the more noteworthy articles:
Just today, Dr. Al Mohler writes about the direct verifiable link between "breeding and believing"... the fact that the religious-ness of a woman is statistically linked to whether or not she'll have children, and the number of children she'll have, world-wide. {edited 11/2/06: Al Mohler again has an article about this issue and his interview with Christianity Today about the pill. Check it out here. For his Oct. 2006 issue discussing our generation re-thinking the pill, click HERE.}
Agnieszka Tennant, an editor for Christianity Today who once trivialized the implications of taking birth control pills and the possibility that it acts as an abortifacient, rethinks her position in a very insightful article called "A Hard Pill to Swallow."
Sam and Bethany Torode, the couple who stole headlines in the Christian community by writing Open Embrace, have a statement up on their website that sounds a lot less one-size-fits-all than their book and initial statements did. I think it's wonderful that they've grown and experienced enough to realize that this issue is something each couple has to come to terms with. And the truth is that God has each one of us thinking through these issues at just the right times to make all the people He intended (before the foundations of the world) . I think it's just dandy.
In April, Candice at the "Why Family?" blog (which is an interesting blog about family issues & singleness, by the way) did a 4-post series about birth control...starting with Marriage Without Children?, followed up by 3 other posts in April of this year. At the boundless.com website, she wrote a full-length article, called "A Serious Question of Control" that summed up many of her thoughts as well. Here's a provocative but quite interesting paragraph from that article:
"Yes, God can work around and through birth control, should He so desire. And birth control can and does fail on occasion. But as a rule, God follows the principles he set in place to govern our natural world; stories of miraculous conceptions despite a couple's efforts to prevent more children are an exception, not the norm. I believe God is not inclined to make the pill or patch fail in order to impose His will for our families on us. When we erect barriers to God's blessings, He often lets us. We limit God by decisions of our free will."
And now, to lighten the mood, for an irreverant and hilarious look at the issue of birth control, contrasting the long-time, consistent Catholic ban of it with the up-til-recent Protestant full-on-embrace of the Pill, check out Monty Python's lyrics. (While it is hilarious and there is no cursing, if you are easily offended you may want to opt out of reading them!--But you'll miss out on a good belly laugh!)
Different people will come to different conclusions about how to biblically address this concern of 'Do we or do we not use birth control? And if we do, which kind do we use?' In all my reading, I've come across many people who say they are open to children and against birth control, and yet almost all of them use NFP (natural family planning) to plan their families (even the name seems to give "control" to the husband and wife). NFP users monitor the woman's fertility signs in order to determine when they should abstain from marital relations (usually 8-11 days per month, sometimes more). Something I'm looking for is a cogent explanation of why NFP is any less controlling than using barrier methods and how anyone can in good conscience abstain for up to 1/3rd of their married life when the Bible gives clear instructions that we're not to deprive one another except for an agreed upon amount of time, and only then for a devoted time of prayer (1 Cor 7:4-5). Not for planning. So if anyone comes across such a piece, please let me know. I'd love to read it!
In reading up and researching all of these matters, I'm learning more and growing more in my own personal convictions, so maybe this will help others to do some searching as well.
Read a follow-up article, entitled "The High Stakes of Determining God's Will Regarding Birth Control", HERE!
37 comments:
"NFP users monitor the woman's fertility signs in order to determine when they should abstain from marital relations (usually 8-11 days per month, sometimes more)."
We read in the Bible of "natural family planning," taking advantage of the characteristics of human fertility to engage in sexual relations without, or at least with a reduction in the likelihood of, procreation. It's in Genesis chapter 38.
For those who dismiss anything in the law of Moses as "nailed to the cross," or somesuch, Gen. 38 predates Moses by centuries.
Jesus returned His people to the original law of marriage, too, abolishing the permission of Moses to the hardhearted among the Jews to divorce their wives. The original law of marriage is described in Genesis, long before Moses.
The old term for "natural family planning" was "Onanism."
Jess, my disjointed comments aren't the most cogent explanation you'll read, but I want to respond.
As you would know, it's God who opens and closes the womb (Genesis 20:18, 29:31). You can't blame humans if God makes women infertile at certain times of the month. In that case, menopausal women (or men with low sperm counts) better not perform the conjugal act at all.
Does Genesis 38 say what time of the month it was for Onan's sister-in-law's cycle? Is that why Onan withdrew?
I've never read a verse saying that a married couple must perform the conjugal act every day. And why stop at once a day? What if couples are supposed to do it twice a day instead of once a day?
I'm not married, but when I am and if there's a selected time each month where my wife and I don't want to do it (and instead devote to prayer or fasting), is it a sin to avoid it? Your article says no, but then says yes. You can't accuse us of denial to one another, because neither of us want it. Even you use the word 'agreed'.
By the same token, if she falls pregnant, it's fine by me and I would not be upset. But I know of very few women who want lots of babies.
I need more convincing on the 1/3rd of married life argument too; women always seem to be complaining that they are too tired and if their husbands still want it, then they're being wrong/selfish etc and why can't they stop thinking below his belt buckle etc.
Any thoughts on tubal ligation and/or vasectomy?
Thanks for your comments, Robert!
I'm not sure that Onan's sin had so much to do with birth control as it had to do with not fulfilling his responsibilities. I could be mistaken on this- I'm certainly no biblical scholar- but the commentaries I've read and heard seem to indicate more that his sin had to do with agreeing to marry her but then denying her the one thing the marriage was to guarantee- an heir for his brother's lineage. So it wasn't SO much the children issue as that he essentially took her into his bed to have his way with her but not honor her. That's a whole different story from a man and woman thoughtfully approaching the issue after having, say, 1 or 2, or 5 children and thinking about a biblical approach to having children amd whether or not it's acceptable for them to limit their family size. (At least in my mind.)
Michael- I'm not sure I entirely get where you're headed with the initial comment- but I'll try to respond... I'm certainly not trying to "corner" anyone into (A) only being together TO produce babies, or (B) being required to maximize the absolute number of children they must have. But I am concerned when people claim to be "quiverfull" (accepting whatever God may bless them with) but then go to pretty great lengths (taking temperature daily, checking certain signs of fertililty, charting their findings, and even abstaining for around 10 days out of a month) to carefully avoid pregnancy. I'm not going to call it unbiblical... it just seems inconsistent to me. I am genuinely trying to understand the mindset for this.
I certainly understand that there's no "quotient" for how often/infrequent a couple should be together, but at the same time, it does seem to be important (at least to Paul in 1 Cor 7) to hurry up and get back together--see? There's temptation and the possibility for sin involved. So it doesn't seem like a light matter that we should make it a practice to be apart. It seems like it's a rare situation- for special devoted times of prayer... not an every couple of weeks kind of occurence.
And as to your last comment, not all women feel that way, and those that do and claim to be believers ought to meditate on the very verses we keep referring to-- 1 Cor. 7:2-5. A wife is the only godly outlet and blessing for his sexuality-- there is no other way for him to exercise his sexual desires without sinning. Her body is not her own and she ought not act as if it is such (neither is his his own, for those who would think me sexist)
Additionally, as the marriage relationship is to represent Christ and the Church, how do you think Christ wants His church to respond to Him? With reluctance and exhaustion? Or with delight?
Well, Heather, I don't know.
I can say a few things on that: (1) Doug & I haven't done either yet. I'm not saying we never would. Right now, we are actually hoping for more children and so that wouldn't be a decision we'd make right now. Plus, even if we didn't want kids, we're only 27 and, in our minds, it seems like we're too young to make such a permanent decision regarding our family size. (2) I've read and heard a lot of Christian doctors that encourage couples not to make that decision right after having a baby, because it's often made in the perspective of being overwhelmed by a newborn and may be a decision they later regret. (3) I've read of a good number of people who end up wanting v-reversals for that very reason (that their decision was made in haste)... and (4) I can tell you what I've heard other people say-- most memorably, Dr. Al Mohler generally says something along the lines that if a couple is close to the end of their child bearing years, has joyfully accepted the children God has given them, and is prayerfully ready to stop having children, that that seems to be a good option. I haven't heard him say that he gives that advice for the reason of regret, but I think that's what he's getting at... is that if a couple, say, has 2 kids, and are 25, and gets a tubal or a vasectomy, there are a LOT of years for them to wonder "what if"... and possibly regret that.
What are your thoughts? :)
I think anyone who is considering a tubal ligation or vasectomy should take the time to research the possible health ramifications that the medical system is not too eager to tell them. There is plenty of information out there, along with personal testimonies of the consequences of the decision. The testicular cancer rate rises for men and women have health effects, too, of trapping something in the body that is meant to go out of the body.
There are natural means of birth control that G-d has set in place that work most of the time with the top one being extended breast feeding. It usually will space children at least 2 years apart. That is for the best of the mother and baby and doesn't take all the complicated figuring out of natural family planning.
It seems to me the bottom line is a person's relationship with G-d and their trust in His knowing what is best for them. The scriptures say over and over how He opened and closed wombs.
The scripture account of Onan is not about birth control (and that particular method has a high failure rate anyway), but about his failure to fulfil his responsibilities. The scriptures say that children are a blessing of the L-rd and says that happy is the man whose quiver is full of them. They are about the best means that G-d has for dealing with our own sin and selfishness. I have no problem with the world cutting off having children as that is the natural result of their sin, but as far as the Redeemed are concerned, it is a deep sorrow to the Creator when they reject His blessing them. If you listen to the reasons, it always comes down to a lack of trust and putting self first. As far as abstinance in the marital relationship, the Torah specifies a week while the woman is on her period and another week if she bleeds for more than 7 days. If you add in the time of abstinance in NFP, then you have a good portion of the month. One reason for the abstinance during a women's cycle is that it is the shedding of the dead egg and lining of the uterus. The seed of the man is full of life. If you learn the principle of G-d, then you will know that He hates mixture and especially the mixture of life and death. Further scientific research will show the health benefits to the woman of abstaining during her flow.
I'm glad that I found your blog from LAF. I'm bookmarking it.
Love and shalom,
Serena
If you went to a good Catholic website such as EWTN or Catholic Answers, you would get a good explanation of 1) Onan's sin and 2) why artificial birth control is immoral/unethical, but NFP is Christ honoring (ie. because although you are monitoring fertility signs etc., each act is still open to children). And, yes, NFP can be abused...look again in the Q&A, furums, or FAQs.
You don't have to admire or accept Catholic doctrine to understand the wisdom of her teachings regarding procreation. (ie. I am Catholic, but I'm not trying to proselytize. Just remember, though, that it was the acceptance of birth control by the protestant churches that paved the way for the sexual revolution in the first place...not that there weren't more than a few Catholics joining them.)
Don't depend on breastfeeding for birth control or spacing. I FULLY breastfed my children. My son and first daughter were a year and a half apart, and that daughter and her sister were eleven and a half months apart.
What an interesting post. (Found it through Amy's humble musings)
The NFP issue is something I've wondered as well. Sure, "every act is open" to children, but the intent of abstaining is still to avoid children, with the knowledge that abstaining during fertile times means conception is extremely unlikely to happen. I, too, scratch my head and wonder how that's different from artificial birth control, since the intent is essentially the same. My devoutly Catholic and NFP-teaching parents have not been able to answer this adequately for me, either.
I think if I said much more, I'd basically be repeating what Serena said. :) The problem is not necessarily with not having children, or not begetting 25 of them in a lifetime. It is with the attitude that children are undesireable, and that having any more than 2 or at the most three is crazy and irresponsible. If anything, the Church should be encouraging couples to view children as blessings and to accept them with open arms unless there is a serious, serious reason to avoid pregnancy for a time. Instead we have premarital ministries telling young people that they must wait at least 2 years after marriage in order to be wise, that they msut establish themselves and be wealthy and comfortable, we have ministers bemoaning the cost and trouble of childrearing and mocking large families from the public, etc. This particular issue is a blot on the Church of today.
Umm, oh look! I did say much more. Sorry. :D
Margaret
"crazy" woman who has two toddlers and is pregnant again (yes, again!) ;)
I am about to have my fourth c /Section in 1 1 /2 weeks time. what do those with a real quiverful mindset do when it becomes dangerous to have more children?
There is more of this discussion going on at http://lutheransandcontraception.blogspot.com/
including the NFP as Birth Control thread.
anonymous--first we make sure it is *really* actually dangerous. ;) There are many doctors who also think they are social workers, who will say that any woman is in serious danger if she has more than 4 children, even if she has them all naturally. "Grandmultipara" is often an insult, in the medical world (sadly)
For my dh and myself, we would continue to trust God. I personally know several women who have delivered quite a few children by c-section, including one with 14 kiddos, who delivered them *all* surgically. Ethell Kennedy had all 11 of hers by Cesarean, back when it wasn't nearly as safe or common as it is now. Then of course, there's the whole world of VBAC to be investigated. ;)
We would also get the opinion of a seriously pro-life doctor, preferably one who has 6-8 kids himself, who we know would not attempt to play social engineer on us.
If all of our options had been exhausted and there were real, serious medical problems, we would head into a time of serious prayer and fasting (including sexual abstention-which would be Biblical, at that point) until God released us to either continue to let Him plan, or to take steps to avoid conception.
"I think it's wonderful that they've grown and experienced enough to realize that this issue is something each couple has to come to terms with. And the truth is that God has each one of us thinking through these issues at just the right times to make all the people He intended ..."
Thanks! I've enjoyed reading your thoughts, from the family size posting to this one, and thanks for the links to the other website too. Those were good to read.
Hi Jess,
I better preface my response by saying I'm not professing to be right or wrong - and I think you're coming from the same angle that I am too :)
I note you're concerned that people go to great lengths to avoid pregnancy. I'm a fan of NFP, and I agree it is true that NFPers go to great lengths to avoid pregnancy. The mindset IS to avoid pregnancy, but if God decides to block the womb, then humans can't be blamed for that. The man does his part and the woman hers—the rest is up to God.
I noticed that your profile says you're sometimes exhausted, I infer that you'r not looking forward to the prospect of more children. Does this mean you have thought about avoiding future pregnancy too.
I agree that it's important for spouses to get together again because as you say that's what the Bible strives for. But as for the special devoted times of prayer, you'll know we're told to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). But I'll stop short of saying what to do if you need to pray but your spouse needs some lovin'...
I've never heard a woman say what you said in your 2nd-to-last paragraph (you must be Godly); all I've heard is women complaining about 'wifely duty'. If my wife wants my body anytime, it's hers.
And as for your last point, you can probably guess that I will say 'delight'. I just hope there are women who think the same way.
Hey, thanks for the discussion :)
Ah Michael, you give me too much credit with that Godly comment. :) But thanks.
My exhaustion has more to do with life's circumstances over the last 10 months than with children. In the last 10 months of life, we sold our house in Texas, went to Virginia for 2 months, went back to Texas, came to live here in Central Asia for 2 months, went to live in Thailand for 2 months (where we had Maranatha), moved back to our previous apmt in Central Asia, and then finally moved here in July. Finally, we can rest in a place called "home". So yeah, I'm exhausted... but it has more to do with culture shock in multiple countries, moving, walking up 6 flights of stairs to get to my house, and all of that... than it does children. Although, yes, I am often exhausted at the end of the day with kids. But I think I'd be that way whether there was just one or with the three I have. I actually AM looking forward to the prospect of more children. Children are a delight, and I love every aspect of being used by God to make them. I love pregnancy, I enjoy the labor/delivery, and I LOVE the time of nurturing them when they're little. I love the toddler stages, and now, I am learning now how to parent a child.
As for all the women you've heard, I can't imagine talking about a "wifely duty". To me, that might mean something like doing a stack of dishes or washing undershirts or something like that. A comment like that should not even come close to talking about the activities that God has given us to most closely resemble the oneness we should have with Him. That seems borderline heretical to me. At the very least, it's careless and thoughtless. Then again, I have an incredible husband, for whom I am extremely grateful. The only possible, justifiable, appropriate response to him loving me (or at least TRYING to love me) as Christ loves the church is for me to delight in him the way we as a church are to delight in HIM.
CapuccinoLife, I really appreciate your comments:
"The problem is not necessarily with not having children, or not begetting 25 of them in a lifetime. It is with the attitude that children are undesireable, and that having any more than 2 or at the most three is crazy and irresponsible. If anything, the Church should be encouraging couples to view children as blessings and to accept them with open arms unless there is a serious, serious reason to avoid pregnancy for a time."
This is a very balanced and thoughtful approach to a difficult subject. I feel similarly. I'm struggling with this issue, and while it may *sound* like I've come to some great conclusion, the verdict's still out. I am annoyed most highly by the church taking on the views of the world (that children are an annoyance, and that we ought to constantly complain about them) rather than of Christ & the Word, that they are a blessing.
Hi, I want to praise God online that my husband did not get a vasectomy last week!
I have always had the heart to trust the Lord with the size of my family. I had no one ever tell me that this was the way I should think. One day at the age of around 19 or 20 my mom asked me in the car how many children did I want. I said " As many as the Lord gives me!" I was not raised in a Christian home although I accepted Christ when I was 17. My mom was in shock and thought that was crazy! I believe God placed that on my heart before I even married. But when I married I was so much in a fog that my husband's heart could change, because he only wanted no more than 3. We did not dicuss the matter and got married anyway. Although the issuse has been hard for us. I pray for God's will to be done still after 9 years of marriage.
We now have four beautiful children, and one on the way.
My husband was about to get a vasectomy done for numerous reasons, one reason is I always get so sick for the first 3 months, and I always agree with him when I am sick. But after I get through it, my heart to keep going never goes away. Well I asked my husband please don't do it. And well he didn't...
And since we think differently... We are not going to try to have children and will be using condems and natural charting a little. So he gets what he wants a little and so do I because it's not forever closed off.
It's our heart attitude about children that I think really matters to God whether we are using natural methods or nothing. And the health of the mother and whole family of what's best or to stop is up to the family to seek God.
Well I praise God for life today!
Blessings,
Danielle
I wanted to comment to the lady that is worried about having more babies after 4 c-sections. I will be having my 5th one in a few months. There are things to worry about but honestly, there are issues if you deliver naturally too. I am thankful to have a dr who has delivered 7 babies c-section to one lady. He says that each woman is different and that our uterus reacts to each surgery. After my last section my uterus seemed to heal weird. It is making for a hard pregnancy. I am seriously wondering if God has put it on my heart to stop. I have always believed that I was to have two more (this pregnancy and one more). The only answer is putting it in God's hands. He will lead us. Teh one thing I learned from this was that my husband really wanted to stop after the last baby. He is worried about my health (before and after baby I get sick really bad). I am wondering if I was not really submissive to my husband because this has been a hard pregnancy so far. I just don't know. It does us no good to dismiss what our husbands say if in the end it harms us or our unborn child. Just something to think on.
I would like to comment on Onan. This was not an issue of skirting his responsibilities but HOW he chose to go about it. He did NOT have to marry her, did not have to lie with her to provide his brother an heir. He had the option to "pass his sandal" as seen in the story of Ruth and Boaz. He chose, instead to have his physical pleasure without the risk of bearing a child, by spilling his seed upon the ground. Much like withdraw method OR the use of condoms.
His sin was not refusing to fulfill his duty, but in HOW he chose not to.
Cappuccinolife, thank you for your comment. My gynea thankfully says we will see after each pregnancy how I am doing since each person heals differently.
I just wonder when the time eventually comes for it to be dangerous, what would be a suitable option in the minds of those who really believes that God opens and closes the womb?
I want to post a couple of new links that I've found... one that I added to the actual article, and two that I've found in the last couple of days for those that want further reading on this issue.
First, Al Mohler was recently interviewed by Christianity Today about the Pill and it's effects on our culture... here are two links to his treatment of this issue:
Today's article:
http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=808
and his article from last month about young Christian couples re-thinking the Pill
http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=783
Then, there are two young women bloggers who are openly discussing their own "quiverfull" ways... it's worth a look if you're wanting more reading material on these issues!
The first is an August article, "Do We Really Know What's Best For Us?"
http://www.sarahjoyalbrecht.com/2006/08/21/do-we-really-know-whats-best-for-us/
And the second is a young woman, recently married, who has decided she's all for the quiverfull mentality. Who knows if in five or ten years we'll find her revising her statements, as the Torodes did... but it's still interesting to read of young people "making the switch", as Pepsi Co. would say.
http://bethany.preciousinfants.com/2006/09/17/quiverfull-articles-i-like.aspx
Happy reading!
Apparently, John Piper also sees NFP as an equally controlling method to barrier methods or other contraceptive options. Wikipedia provided this lovely quote on the matter:
John Piper's Desiring God ministry states of NFP,
Some conclude that "natural family planning" is acceptable but "artificial" means are not. But this seems to overlook something significant: in both cases, you are still seeking to regulate when you have children. And so if one concludes that it is wrong to seek to regulate the timing and size of a family, then it would have to be concluded that natural family planning is just as wrong as "artificial" means. But if one concludes that it is appropriate to steward the timing and size of one's family, then what makes "artificial" means wrong but natural family planning right? Surely it is not because God is "more free" to overrule our plans with natural family planning! Perhaps some have concluded that artificial forms are wrong because they allow one more fully to separate intercourse from the possibility of procreation. But if it is wrong to have intercourse without a significant possibility of procreation, then it would also be wrong to have intercourse during pregnancy or after a woman is past her childbearing years. There is no reason to conclude that natural family planning is appropriate but that "artificial" means are not.
Anonymous, it seems like your answer may lie in your question. You asked:
I just wonder when the time eventually comes for it to be dangerous, what would be a suitable option in the minds of those who really believes that God opens and closes the womb?
You use the phrase, "really believes"... so if someone "really believes that God opens and closes the womb" and doesn't feel that it's acceptable to interfere with God's work, then what does that imply?
In my mind, there could be several options:
1) that person could say, well God opens and closes the womb, knows exactly what my body can and can't handle, and what I'm capable of, and I'm going to petition Him according to what my concerns are, and trust Him to know and do what is best
2) that person could say, well God opens and closes the womb, knows exactly what my body can and can't handle, and what I'm capable of, AND he knew I would exist in 2006, when birth control via barriers, natural methods, surgeries, and medications abound. So I'll pray about it, and with my husband, we'll decide what works for us.
3) that person could say, well God opens and closes the womb, and He also gave me a brain. I trust Him to make me fertile when He intends it, and He foreknew that I was going to use X method as birth control, so He can do with that what He will.
Those are the basic options I can think of... quiverfull with nothing to prevent, abundant children with discretion, and controlled number of children. Anyone else see other basic options?
You do realize that the Monty Python lyrics are meant to satire the belief that birth-control shouldn't be used, don't you? The full scene was a lower class man selling his 62 children for medical experiments.
RE: Monty Python Lyrics
Surely everyone who reads the off-color lyrics would realize it's satire. That's why I said not to read them if you're easily offended. I still think the "Python boys" do a hilarious treatment of the whole thing... on the one hand, you've got a house where EVERY POSSIBLE space in the house is full of children, singing this song about the sacredness of sperm (the Catholics), and down the street, you've got the quiet (and boring) "Protestant House" where everything's prim and proper and in its place but they're bored to tears. Yeah, I think it's hysterical.
I don't have to agree with their views in order to appreciate their cleverness, do I?
This is something that I have been pondering for a long time. I have always had mixed emotions about the issue of the "pill" and permanent vasectomy or a tubal. I never was good at taking the pill because I wasn't sure what it really did. After our 6th child, we decided that we would have something done permanent. I came to realize that I was making everyone elses decision and not my own. The day that my husband went in, I decided that I didn't want him to. I told him that, but he thougt I just got cold feet. He did it anyways. To make a long story short, I felt like a death happened, and I still feel like what we did is wrong. He doesn't and says he will have to answert to God about it. I still feel horrible. Has anyone else felt this way and what do I do. He says that he is willing to have a reversal. Should we live with decision or what? I am just looking for some kind of feed back.
Hi Kelly,
There is no one that can make that decision but you & your husband. If you are feeling convicted about it, it could mean that it's something the Holy Spirit wants you to investigate.
Here are some resources I've found that may help you, as you consider your options:
Here are two links with moderate stances on the birth control issue:
Randy Alcorn wrote a very insightful "dialogue" examining the issue of birth control
Al Mohler examines the question, "Can Christians Use Birth Control?"
Conservative positions, that lean toward vasectomy reversal:
Above Rubies has some good articles about family planning.
Above Rubies also has these articles about vasectomy reversal.
Whatever you decide, I hope you can peacefully live in freedom and walk in victory rather than feeling defeated and guilty. Our God is not a God of confusion, nor is He a God Who will not reveal Himself to those who seek. God will lead you as you seek out what He would have you do.
Blessings,
Jess
I realize this discussion has been going on for some time, but I wanted to comment on NFP. I first heard of NFP from a wonderful friend who became Catholic and is a family practice physician. The information I was given DID talk about all the the things mentioned--charting, timing, etc. What has NOT been mentioned so far is that as the couple approach the time of fertility they are to pray together and separately as to what God would desire for them to do at this point--abstain or not. While I never practiced this method because my husband was not willing to, it seems godly and not controlling to me. In addition, the working together to determine God's will should bring the couple together even more. Ideally the husband is participating in the charting--for example, taking the temperature and doing the charting. In this way it does not become the woman's sole responsibility. I'm not sure how this part often gets lost in the explanation, because to me it is the most vital part. Hope that helps a little!
This is a subject that God was dealing with both my husband and I on. At this point, we do not use any form of BC, we are expecting #3 in November. I think this is a diffucult subject for most of us to deal with, and it is a struggle for me to just trust God in most areas, and this one is no exception.
We both came to the conclusion that there isn't really any difference between NFP and any of the non-abortificant methods of BC. Of course, any BC method that works by inducing an abortion would be wrong!
It saddens me the attitude we see towards children, even in the Church. It seems that there is even a hatred towards children today in our culture! It also saddens me that anyone with more than one or two children are largely looked down upon and told that we are sinning by having too many children, or that we are not being responsible parents or good stewards. I wish more people understood the tremendous gift that God gives us when he entrusts us with a child.
Hello! I am so glad this discussion is still on-going. I have enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts and comments. I have been struggling with this issue, as well. I had a tubal when my fourth child was born by C-section. I chose to do this mainly because of fear. Fear that I would have more children than I could "handle" and fear that my uterus would rupture if I got pregnant again. I ignored God when he tried to introduce me to the "quiverful" notion; and I always completely dismissed people who believed that God should control the blessing of children as crazy. I've changed my mind. I have had a lot of pain with my periods since my tubal. Last month I truly cried out to the Lord. I was so distressed by the thought that all I had to look forward to was another surgery (hystorectomy) to relieve the pain; if I could hold out for another 10-12 years and could find a doctor that agreed that I needed the other surgery. I also began to see my children differently. If I love my four this much, wouldn't I love the fifth, sixth or tenth just the same? Of course I would! Is the last born any less a miracle than the first? Of course not. Anyway, I asked God to forgive me for taking the gift of children and childbearing so lightly and He did! He also healed me of the extreme pain at that minute! (Without my asking.) I did have some trouble this month, but nothing like it has been. Praise Him for that!
Anyway, my husband does not see anything wrong with birth control and he is happy that I had a tubal because he was concerned for my health. My doctor did say that he thought it would have been dangerous for me to have had a VBAC, but he did not encourage me to have a tubal. He even questioned me several times to see if I had changed my mind before he began the procedure. How I wish I had! Now, I pray that God will change my husband's mind, even if I never have a reversal and God does not provide a miracle pregnancy despite our trying to avoid one, I want us to be in agreement on this matter and to teach our children better than we once believed.
Thanks for the opportunity to share my story.
Onan and NFP are not even remotely the same thing. I have wondered myself if NFP is ok, because it does seem to be trying to take things into our own hands.
However, one thing that is vastly different between the two is that Onan's act-which enabled him to get gratification for physical pleasure without payment(no child for his brother's wife, no heir for his brother) was wrong. The penalty for not providing an heir (by not marrying the woman) was humiliation by sandal. The punishment for Onan's act was death.
As for NFP, the couple does not gratify their physical needs at times when they prefer not to "make a payment" for it. It's self control. As for needing to come together regularly, I think in America, and in this day and age, we are oversexed, and would do well to abstain more. And if you can't-well then, babies are a beautiful thing!! :) We are still looking into the bc issue, btw.
Having children is one thing, raising them is another. Proper care and attention to more than 4 or 5 children is practically impossible.
And what of women who can't have children. I can think of many Christian and non-Christian women who cannot have children by any means. In my life, after my first child, my body was very destroyed and we were unable to have more children. However, my husband did not have a vasectomy because, should something happen to me, I want him to remarry and have more children.
This world of ours is full of children who do not have adequate water, food, shelter or love. Let's try to help them. In our western world, our children are the lucky ones. Let's teach them to love all children of the world and work to end starvation and other problems.
This response is for Kelly (April 2007).
I have also had many mixed and confused emotions regarding my husband's vasectomy. I have two wonderful little girls (Nov 2005 and Feb 2007) who were both extreme yet welcome surprises. I had two heart surgeries in the fall of 2004 and was diagnosed with a tendency of blood clots. This diagnoses resulted in the discontuation of me taking the pill and made it impossible to use any hormonal methods past that point. I was even required to give myself painful heparin injections, which left my entire abdomen bruised, twice a day for the duration of my pregnancies to ensure that I would not develop a blood clot that could kill either myself or the baby.
When I became pregnant with our second baby my husband and I began discussing our options for family planning. I had always wanted a somewhat large family (4-6 children) and was happy that we had not had any problems conceiving. However, a few weeks before I went into labor my heart started having problems again. (Up until that point it had appeared to be completely fine.) I was able to deliver without any major complications and I am happy to say that both of our daughters are completely healthy. However, shortly after returning home from the hospital it became apparant that my mental health was in a downward spiral.
I have suffered from depression since my early teen years and have been able to deal with it through counseling, meditation, and prayer. However with two consecutive pregnancies my body had gone through so many bio-chemical changes that it sent me rocketing into the deepest depression I have ever been in. I ended up in an in-patient counseling facility in our town. Thankfully I have been able to recover from that terrible period of my life and be the mom that I want to be.
At the end of this whole ordeal my husband confided in me that he was terrified what could happen to me, be it mental or physical, if I were to get pregnant again, (most likely right away since we were not able to employ any reasonable family planning method). Therefore I agreed to his undergoing a vasectomy. My OB actually questioned us to a great extent as did the doctor who perform the procedure and there are times I wished we had listened to them and waited until the waters had calmed again to make that permanent of a decision. On the other hand my husband continually reassures me that he is entirely happy with the decision and that if in the future he questions what we did then we will investigate our options.
So for now I am just trying to be happy knowing that my husband is content with the life he has. And when I feel my heart wavering and wondering "what if" I just pray that the possiblity of another surprise not be entirely removed from the picture (after all there is no guarantee with a vasectomy).
The Lord really taught me something when I was doing The Power of Motherhood Devotional the other day. God killed Onan because God sees the sperm as a legacy. God does not see it the way we do, we don't even call a fetus a baby until there is heartbeat. God saw us before we were born, our ways are NOT His ways. Onan "spilled" his seed (sperm) God had a purpose for that seed, to continue a legacy. When Onan treated it with contempt the Lord than killed him. God is the same now as He was back then...He has not changed our society has.And when we cut off our womb we are telling God that "we don't want anymore of His blessings." In the Bible it was looked on as a curse to be barren and now women are willingly making their bodies barren. The Lord will sustain you no matter what your circumstances are. If you have health issues, speak LIFE into your body not death. Now if you are infertile then God has other plans for you but if you are fertile, then please research what you are about to do before you do it. Just something to think about.
I can't believe I didn't respond to this until now.
Anonymous (8/8/07) said:
Having children is one thing, raising them is another. Proper care and attention to more than 4 or 5 children is practically impossible.
This simply isn't true. I know of many mothers who have more than 4 or 5 and do an excellent job of caring for those children. It isn't the same for every woman, I'm sure- but for those who choose to do so, it can certainly be done, and done well.
To the person who used Genesis 38 to defend natural family planning...Where do I begin? Onan was struck dead for what he did! I agree with Jess that Onan did not want to fulfill his responsibility, but isn't selfishness or laziness one of the reasons people use birth control today? There are lots of other stories where God punishes people for disobeying, yet he chose to also give us this story about a man using birth control. Modern reasons for using birth control are different than Onan's, but people still want pleasure without procreation. To me there isn't much difference. When it comes to birth control, NFP is the lesser of two evils.
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